To honour or disrespectful

[colourmannn]

My wife is cleaning out her late mother's closet. Is it wrong to scoop a few items of her clothing?

[Shelly Preston]

You need to have a conversation with your wife.

If she does not know you cross dress then don't go anywhere near them.

It maybe she wont want you to have them as it may upset her if your wearing her mothers clothes.

If she agrees to you having them then go for it.

[GretchenM]

I agree fully with Shelly. Those clothes have meaning to your wife. Messing with them could turn out to be an infuriating thing for your wife. Personally, I would not even consider it. Play it safe.

[Beverley Sims]

Shelly put it succinctly.

Use common sense and show respect.

[Cheryl T]

Let them go.
The things you see as just clothes are reminders of her mother and although she may say she's fine with you have a few, the will be fraught with memories that will cause many mixed emotions for her.

[Meghan4now]

Well every situation is different, but I would predict that this is a really bad idea. Do you want to appear as your wife's mother? The number of different possible ick factors here are astounding. Plus, is she even likely to have much that isn't way back dated, matronly, or even close in size?

[Teresa]

I also agree with Shelly , you need to be respectful to both your wife and your mother in law .

My other thought is would there be anything worth having depending on what the age gap is . If I was in a situation to be offered I think I might decline anyway wearing an older lady's clothes doesn't feel right .

[Micki_Finn]

Regardless of whose clothing it is, Do you really want to dress a generation older than you are?

[Leslie Langford]

This is a REALLY, REALLY bad idea on so many levels that I don't even know where to start...

[Elizabeth G]

I'm with Meghan and Leslie on this one. The downside risks are way too high.

[quebec_blonde]

This would not end well in a lot of ways. If it's just a convenient way to get some things of your own, it may seem easy but the consequences would be huge about her finding out and the dressing up idea.

Maybe going to a second hand store and finding something that really appeals to you would have a better value to you.

You have the answers if you ask yourself.

[Stephanie47]

Regardless of whose clothing it is, Do you really want to dress a generation older than you are?

Oh, I readily agree this is probably a bad idea. However, if she was a collector of fine vintage lingerie/slips I can feel your desire to save them. If she had knowledge of your cross dressing and your wife approves maybe it would be alright. I'd hate to see some garments ending up at Goodwill and then sold on ebay.

[Krea]

I would say don't do it. :eek:
Telling your wife that you would like to have some of her mother's clothes sounds risky at the best of times, but even more so at a time like this.

[Asew]

Bad idea.

[BTWimRobin]

I wouldn't even consider it. Real bad idea.

[Lacy99]

I agree with others, bad juju

[Jodie_Lynn]

If we are voting, put me down as a 'NO'

NO way, nada, not happening.

There is an 'ick factor' on so many levels.

But, you do what you want.

[ShirleyN]

I agree with everyone here: This is a big big NO NO so in other words, forget about it. If you go anywhere near any of those items, you could cause a lot of unncessary friction in your marriage so don't even think of doing anything silly.

[char GG]

This idea kind of gives me the creeps. My vote is obviously "no". I can't think of any reason to even pursue this idea.

However, if your wife thinks it's ok and you really want those things, it's your prerogative.

[Tracii G]

No because its very disrespectful.
I can't believe you even gave it a thought.

[docrobbysherry]

This has nothing to do with your M I Law and everything to do your SO!:Angry3:
Ask her, not us!:devil:

[Angie G]

If your wife is good with that.:hugs:

Angie

[suzanne]

Everyone makes good points. Never without your wife's blessing. One more thing, though. DO you really want to dress like your mother in law?

[FrannGurl]

I wouldn't go anywhere near them..Bad idea

[Nikki A.]

Does your wife know you dress and is she accepting? If she is and if there is a special piece to remember her by then I may ask. If not don't even go there

[Diane Smith]

I have a few pieces that belonged to my grandmother, and a great aunt. Both were stylish women in their time and there was nothing old or matronly about their wardrobes. My grandmother left a closet full of elegant cocktail dresses and evening gowns from the 1950s and '60s that are just as much a delight today as when they were new. Alas, there were only a few that fit me, and the rest were sold. But skipping a generation (or two) isn't always a guarantee of a fashion disaster.

- Diane

[Rochal Tukque]

Wouldn't go near that with a ten foot pole.

[Devi SM]

Shelly said right.
Even my wife knows everything about me, I wouldn't get anything as a dress or anything wearable from my mother in law except a souvenir but any object that represents her...
Moms is something sacred for everybody...
I wouldn't even dress something from my father in law...

[colourmannn]

Thank you ladies for your thoughts on this topic. The intent of my post was to get a pulse of our community with respect to used clothing (I should have framed it better), from a MIL, mother, spouse or thrift store.... My CD journey started like many by wearing my mother's clothing. In my teens, I purchased my own items, and once wed, tried on some of the wife's clothing. I know it's wrong not to ask for permission, and for some unknown reason, I never felt guilty about it-it felt natural. Crossdressing for me was always about the love of women's clothing.

My MIL was a strong, proud and elegant woman, until cancer ravaged her body. Always impeccably dressed, and always on point for special occasions-exercise clothing was only worn to workout. Our relationship was like most, respectful and loving, however I always felt like the black sheep of the family.

The items of clothing in question are a black pencil skirt, silk blouse and a small blazer-items on my CD bucket list. As a closet CD, and presented with the opportunity to check off a few items off the list, the pink fog quickly rolled in! Once the fog subsided, the moral issue was front and centre. I'm in agreement with most of your comments, however, isn't just clothing? In other threads, ladies wondered who owned the articles of clothing they're purchasing from a thrift store, and why society questioned our desire to dress like women, where the general consensus is that it should not matter what clothing we choose to wear.

To conclude, my MIL was a wonderful woman, however, she would not accept our/my CD lifestyle and therefore will pass on her clothing. Had our relationship been stronger, and her views on the LGBTQ community not so old school, I would have no issues with wearing her outfits. To me, owning her clothing would represent my love, respect, and admiration of her fashion style.


Donna

[Majella St Gerard]

I would have to say that is not a great idea. Unless, your mother-in-law is a movie star. :)

Although, I do have several pieces of lingerie from her grandmother but never worn, still in package, vintage nylons and panties, fur stoles.

[Bobbi46]

I would not do it, I feel I would be betraying a trust in a way, honour your mother by remembering her for who she was but not by keeping and wearing some of her underwear.

[Tracii G]

A thrift store is a totally different thing so thats a moot point.
You still came up with excuses to keep some of her things so you could wear them.
You know you shouldn't.

[Robbin_Sinclair]

What could you former mother in law have that you want to wear?
An unqualified no and you are sent to the back of the dress design class.

We wear to be beautiful not to wear hand-me-downs from a dead person. No.

RIP ... of course if she was a big lady, you can rip up a brightly colored silk outfit and make a nice mini-skirt .. if that is what you want RIP to mean ... I mean. That’s different. That’s dress design.

Xx YLRBobbin ❤️

[Jodie_Lynn]

Thank you ladies for your thoughts on this topic. The intent of my post was to get a pulse of our community with respect to used clothing (I should have framed it better), from a MIL, mother, spouse or thrift store....
>>SNIP<<

>>SNIP<<Once the fog subsided, the moral issue was front and centre. I'm in agreement with most of your comments, however, isn't just clothing? In other threads, ladies wondered who owned the articles of clothing they're purchasing from a thrift store, and why society questioned our desire to dress like women, where the general consensus is that it should not matter what clothing we choose to wear.

To conclude, my MIL was a wonderful woman, however, she would not accept our/my CD lifestyle and therefore will pass on her clothing. Had our relationship been stronger, and her views on the LGBTQ community not so old school, I would have no issues with wearing her outfits. To me, owning her clothing would represent my love, respect, and admiration of her fashion style.


Donna

Do what you will, but your rationalization is flawed.
When you go to the thrift store, you are buying clothes that belong to unknown persons. Unless you are deliberately buying clothing that you know was donated by a spouse or family member. So that argument is not valid.

You are trying to justify wearing the apparel of a deceased family member. As I said, do what you will. Just don't be surprised when events & emotions from your spouse turn against you.

If you really desire a pencil skirt, silk blouse and a woman's blazer, then go out and buy them. They aren't that difficult to find.

[Tracii G]

This exactly ^^^^^^^^.

[Bobbi46]

This wont end well

[alwayshave]

I think this may be a bridge too far. I would not ask.

[sometimes_miss]

If she's happy you crossdress, then I can't imagine anything wrong with it. OTOH if she isn't okay with you crossdressing, then yes, she probably doesn't want to be reminded of it.

[Devi SM]

Colourman,
I don't know what really were you thinking when decide to post this thread but it wasn't a good idea.
I think the common sense (that's the less common sense) is to no wear or keep you MIL items to dress.
I'd recommend you to ask an administrator to close the thread.

[Georgina]

Mother-in-law no but I do have a few items of my mother's. I see nothing wrong with, now and again, slipping on one of her dresses, in private, and raising a glass to her memory.

[MonicaPVD]

Do it. But first, write down the telephone number to a great divorce lawyer.

[Jodie_Lynn]

Mother-in-law no but I do have a few items of my mother's. I see nothing wrong with, now and again, slipping on one of her dresses, in private, and raising a glass to her memory.

But they are your Mother's things Georgina, and that makes the difference. You know you are remembering your Mom with love. In the OP's case, it is the wife's perceptions that matter.
If the OP's wife is not 100% on board with CD/Trans issues with her spouse, this is a guaranteed way to pish her off completely.

Let's face facts: a lot of people consider CD-ing to be "weird', "abnormal", "perverted", or just a kink. So, to an onlooker, swiping M-I-L's things is going to be viewed negatively. ESPECIALLY, if the wife finds out later.

Hopefully, the OP will take the pulse of the consensus here, and refrain from indulging in her desire.

However, I ain't the CD Police, so she is free to do as she wishes.

I just don't want to hear her crying if/when, the brown stuff hits the fan....

When my sister (who was and still is my role model) passed away, I ended up with 10 boxes of her jewelry stuff from her business. It was for my daughter, but she has let it sit at my house. I have several pieces of jewelry that I found in this treasure trove, that are now mine. :)

And my proudest possession is a pair of her personal earrings, that my niece gave to my ex-wife, who then (upon our divorce) gave to me, saying that she thought my sister would approve. I wear them to many functions. They are my favorite pair.

[abbiedrake]

I lost my mother-in-law late Feb.
I'm utterly in awe of the insensitivity from OP. I can't even begin to fathom it.
At no point in the last two months did I ever think 'yeah, a frock or two of mom's would be just the trick. I wonder if my wife will mind?'
Please OP, put us out of our misery and tell us this is a massive troll.

- - - Updated - - -

I'd like to add a reluctant 'well done'. This is a varied forum. It's quite the achievement to inspire such unanimity.

[ellbee]

My own mother? Sure, why not. I won't be necessarily ruling that out when the time comes.

If anything, probably like coats & sweaters. Stuff along those lines.



But my *mother-in-law*??
Heck, no! :confused3:

[Bobbi46]

No response from the OP I wonder why?

[Meghan4now]

Donna did in fact respond. Donna will do as she wishes. While my counsel is that it is a poor idea for most people, Donna's situation may be different.

Let's cut her at least a little slack here.

[Bobbi46]

OK fare do I stand corrected, and I must admit I missed Donna's reply there does seem to be some validity in what she has in mind, apologies.

[KimberlyJean]

When I see an outfit that I absolutely must have I go shopping either online or in stores and find it. If these articles of clothing are on your must have list by all means find them and buy them but it would be very bad taste to try and get your deceased MIL's clothing. What do you plan to do with them dress up for a while then (well we know). Especially, I am assuming her departure is recent. One of the things I love most about my clothes is that they are MY clothes.

[Lea]

My wife gave me a few clip on earrings after her mother died. I still have them but I am not comfortable wearing them.
If my mother in law knew of my dressing and did not have an issue with it I may have felt comfortable wearing them. Without her blessing it does not feel right to me.

[Leelou]

Donna did in fact respond. Donna will do as she wishes. While my counsel is that it is a poor idea for most people, Donna's situation may be different.

Let's cut her at least a little slack here.

Yes, she did reply and gave some follow up. Donna said that she's still closeted--I'm assuming that includes the wife. So I'd say definitely no. If the situation was different and there was a supportive wife, it could be different. Some women don't take it personally when it comes to sharing clothes, others mind a great deal. I've shared clothes with a couple of SO's, and know from some here that they have had that experience. For some women, they're just clothes and it doesn't bother them at all to share.

So if a wife or SO was supportive and open to sharing clothes, that would be the only situation that I believe it would be OK to ask about the MIL's clothes.

[Pixie_94]

Bad idea.

[Lydianne]

I remember once having a similar closet discussion about visiting a grandparent's grave. Going to the grave, cleaning the stone, clearing the weeds, laying fresh flowers, etc.. but doing it en femme. You know your parents would be against your dressing based on their anti-LGBT comments in other contexts and their religious & traditional standpoints, and in all likelihood, your grandparents would have been even more so, and therefore more likely to be anti-you.

So I raised the question whether going to clean up their grave en femme is respectful or disrespectful. I remained on the fence about them, but I did say I would be uncomfortable doing it myself.

( I write this just as an interesting parallel and not for response because this is not my thread ).
- Lydianne.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Donna :hugs:, Quick, See line #4 in my Signature. >Orchid ...:daydreaming:+..