The wife is giving it another try!! please pray

[kaleyg]

This Friday (5/3), my wife and I will have some "girl time" while the kids are at school. We're going to fix brunch and hang out a little, with me dressed as Kaley. It is a very long story, and I think part of her motivation is that this will help me not to obsess over crossdressing so much, and maybe even help reduce my desire. She doesn't accept Kaley, but she's going to do this for me. She wants me to go through as much hassle in getting ready as possible, just so it's realistic. She's probably right that I have a "fantasy" idea of being a woman that isn't realistic at all.

I guess I'm asking for prayers, if you're the praying kind. You can share advice, unless you're going to say, "take it slow, let her lead, don't push, etc.". I've heard that a million times and get it. Last time we had a "girl's night" (couple years ago) I got into a fight with her about why it isn't wrong to want to crossdress. Big mistake. Too fast.

I'm just hoping we have FUN. I want to laugh a lot! Smiles! She has agreed to take pictures, so that's a positive. And we decided that we could both spend some $$ on new clothes for the occasion.

The bottom line is, I really want to have a legitimate (wife's permission) outlet for Kaley, but even more, I want to spend time with my best friend in the world as Kaley.

Thanks for praying!!!

[Jaylyn]

I believe in praying so said a little one for your success in an enjoyable time with your wife. Mine used to be very accepting of Jaylyn but found out that over several years of accepting she decided she didn't care for Jaylyn, thus now more in a DADT type thing. Keep your wife as your best friend always and you'll be ok.

[char GG]

That's great that she is willing to give Kaley another try.

I don't know you or your wife so what I have to say may mean nothing to you - but I'll suggest some things anyway.

1. Try to refrain from calling it "girl time" to her or making it sound like you are "girlfriends". Sometimes the suggestion that the "man" she married wants to act like a girlfriend is too much to grasp.
2. Whatever you think your "style" is, try not to make it look too sexy. Look good, just not over the top.
3. Don't make it all about you. If you want her to take pictures of you, then also take pictures of her.
4. Ask her what kind of activities she would like to do. It's not fun just to sit around and look at each other. Do Something. Obviously the picture taking and brunch is in the works but maybe, watch a movie, play some kind of game - maybe cards (if that's something you like to do), just do something...
5. Don't expect her to help you dress or put on makeup unless that is something she suggests or is totally on board with that.
6. Sit with your legs together.
7. And my CDer pet peeve!! Don't wear blue eye shadow!

Good luck to you both!

[RADER]

My wife was OK with my dressing. Just OK and not thrilled. She set up ground rules witch where OK with me.
After a few years, she even bought outfits for me on line.
Best of luck, let us know how it turns out.
Rader

[Maid_Marion]

It should be fun for both of you. When I was married I'd plan outings nearly every weekend. She wasn't as adventurous as I am in choosing restaurants, so I looked up good places online and made sure I knew how to get there. She wasn't quite into going to places just because the parking lot was filled with cars.

[Micki_Finn]

I hope this works out for you. One thing did catch my eye. “This will help me not to obsess over cross dressing so much”. Don’t take this the wrong way, but ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha. If you have another big blow out with your wife, then sure, it might curtail your dressing. But if she thinks you’re going to have a good time and “get your fill” and be able to put it aside, she’s probably going to be disappointed.

As to Char’s suggestions: 1, 4, 5, and 6 are solid. 2 & 3 are more subjective to your spouse and your relationship. E.g. my wife doesn’t mind me being a little sexy, and she HATES having her pic taken.

And 7: there’s nothing wrong with blue eyeshadow if you know how to use it. Yeah it looks a little silly if you just barn-door it, and it works better on certain skin tones, but with a nice cut-crease or Smokey eye it can be perfectly acceptable.

Good luck.

[Rachael Leigh]

I do pray it works out for you but I can’t give any special advice as my marriage ended because of my female side so I no
longer give any for those that have wives who may or may not get us. So good luck and yes have fun

[docrobbysherry]

Last time I prayed, it was for world peace. U can see how THAT worked out, Kaley!:doh:

She sounds excited, but she MAY have underlying motives!:brolleyes:

I'm just hoping u complete the evening without a fite! Because talking about what u do and how it affects each of u will determine where u take it from here!:thumbsup:

[Rhonda Jean]

Maybe this qualifies as advice.

When I was married, I was a one trick pony. Whenever the kids weren't around, whether we were traveling or at home, I ALWAYS pushed the girl thing. She was passive about it, but I knew it wasn't her thing. Even if I didn't full crossdress, I always did something (Roll my hair, polish my nails, etc.) to get a little bit of that fix. I wish I'd had the good sense to mix in some times when I didn't, even if I could've. I wish I had, and I should have, made it all about her sometimes,instead of it being all about me. I could not see that when I was in the middle of it.

[kaleyg]

Rhonda -- that's great advice.
Char -- thanks for the list.
Micki -- thank you for your thoughts.
Thank you everyone for praying! If you don't usually pray, pray anyway!

[Robertacd]

Good luck kaleyg, I hope it all works out for you.

[Tracii G]

Don't make it all about you and don't get mad if she just can't handle it.

[cdsamswife]

All the Best!!! Im not sure if the occasion will dampen your need for crossdressing (which you said might be part of her motivation) but she might see from friday how serious you are about it and how you could proceed in the future.... or she could maybe decide what shes comfortable with ... anyway.. whatever happens.. All the Best!

[bridget thronton]

Prayers sent

[BTWimRobin]

Wishing you all the best. I hope it works out for you.

[alwayshave]

Kaley, best of luck. I hope that it goes well for you and your wife.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

I admire your persistence & honesty with your wife. It is so difficult for a wife to fathom the idea of a cd husband & I speak from personal experience. You and your wife have been riding this rollercoaster for years. May you live through the peaks &valleys of that ride to find peace. Please keep us advised . Sincere best wishes.

[NancySue]

I think you’ve crossed the desert and halve finally found an oasis. I wish you both only the best as you move forward. There will be other hurdles, but sounds like you’ll both handle them. Your positive attitudes will help immensely, especially the sharing with your best friend. Keep your open sense of humor. My wife sometimes teases me, but it’s usually followed by great advice. Keep us advised as you move ahead.

[JaclynL61]

Prayers and best wishes for you Kaley. I can definitely understand your situation.

[Angie G]

Good luck Kaley. I don't think it will reduce your desire hun. :hugs:
Angie

[phili]

I think her point is that she sees clothing as clothing and does not like the effect it has on you as a psychoactive drug. We are so used to brief stolen moments where we gaze at ourselves in delight and feel the intense rush of liberation, etc. Our wives felt that back in middle school when they got out of sight of the house and rolled up their skirts, preening for each other and feeling pretty darn happy. But then all the rest of being a woman started to matter and ...

She hopes, reasonably, that after a while of being allowed to dress, with friendly acceptance and without any negative pressure, dresses will lose some of that power- and become clothes for you too. It is not that they still aren't fun and feel good and signal femininity, but they can recede in consciousness when we are actively doing things with others, etc.

I have felt disappointed that I am not ecstatic anymore about my dresses, but then I realize that no well-balanced woman is either, and I accept that freedom to understand and feel as women do, now that I have understood and felt as men do, is my actual need. Lots of women wish there were more times to enjoy dresses, and I still love them, but I am now feeling and sympathetic to the many valid concerns women have about wearing dresses- which are why so many don't. As a emotionally crippled man I could only understand my dresses as doorways to heaven, but now, as a more fully developed person, I see them objectively. I think this is what your wife is trying to help you to see as well.

[Rachelakld]

I'm not the praying kind.
I believe that if you and your wife go with the intent to make this enjoyable, it will be.
For me, I have a supportive wife that just isn't into my interest, doesn't like people looking at her when she's with the female me.
I can't and don't want to change my wife.
I hope we hear a great story from you soon

[abbiedrake]

Stopped praying along time ago, but best wishes all the same.
Fortune favours the brave.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kaley :hugs:, The ball is in her court now, Just don't overwhelm her with this program now, Good Luck.

>>>>>>>>>>>>Orchid ...:daydreaming:+..

[Mary Morgan]

Kaley,

try to make this event something she will really enjoy, that is to say, try to have her favorite foods, dessert, wine? Make the brunch the star.

Good wishes to you both,
Mary

[Georgina]

Sometimes a third person can be a problem. Leave Kaley out of it and be yourself in a dress.

[Linda Leigh]

I hope everything works out for you two. Just remember a lot of women want a man not another woman so don't try to make it about you but rather about her and the 2 of you. Go for a ride or out to walk. I have seen several of your pictures and you look great, so I believe you would blend in no problem. Good Luck!

Hugs Linda

[Stephanie47]

If I was going to pray I'd be praying for both of you. Pray/hope it goes well. I've posted comments on your picture threads. You transform into a very attractive woman. You also posted not too long ago your wife thought it was alright to wear women's clothing if you were providing maid services. I suggested exactly what may transpire. You do not look like a man in a dress, but, your wife is probably going to see "her man" in a dress. I can understand her motivations. Perhaps she recognizes pent up frustrations of not being able to express yourself. I think wives are fairly adept at seeing her husband's behavior for what it is.

I wish I was in your position. However, I know it will never happen for me. That being said, if I were you, I'd avoid acting "girlie." If you believe "it is only clothing," then don't overly feminize yourself with words and actions. Sure, keep your knees together. Avoid the comical behaviors one may do to avoid the seriousness of the occasion. A husband's desire to wear women's clothing is serious business in a marriage. Do what you usually do around the home. Engage in some joint meal preparation. From start to finish the entire preparation, eat and clean up the dishes can take some amount of time. I'd do what my wife and I usually do. Unless your wife initiates intimate interaction don't create a lesbian fantasy situation. Stay out of the bedroom unless she willingly initiates the action.

And, if all goes well don't have your needs dominate the times you get together when kids are at school. Women usually love to spend time with their husbands doing shared interests.

[Taylor186]

I'm just hoping we have FUN.

I feel when you say "we" you are setting your expectation bar too high. It is unlikely that this will be fun for her based on how I interpret your OP. She may have agreed to be a part of it again and she may grit her teeth and tolerate it and put on a happy face, but it won't really be fun for her.

My wife tolerates my CDing. I have it way better than those in a DADT relationship but my wife never has fun with it and mostly doesn't want to be around it even when she lets me have "my time" to do it. Like others mentioned in her view she married a guy and that is the way she likes it. She has no desire to spend girl time with Taylor. Period. I have accepted this and attempt to work around it to cause minimum friction to the relationship.

[kaleyg]

Thank you everyone for the prayers and thoughts. I'm posting a "Debrief" on our time this morning over on the picture thread area. Overall, it was great. I can't read her mind, and she didn't say anything negative, and said lots of positive, but I suspect it was hard at times. But overall, a good time.

[kimdl93]

praying isn't really my thing, but I do hope that this experience is more positive than your's of several years past. I do think that the "have fun" approach is essential. And I don't mean that in the "she'll have a blast and want to do it again tomorrow sense". More along the lines of, this wasn't nearly as bad as my imagination had expected.

[Beverley Sims]

Not a prayer person but I wish you well.