What's in a name?

[Rachelakld]

Out with my youngest (16 year old now).
At the department store she's like "Dad, can we get....." and "Dad, what about.." and it went on for or 5 or 10 minutes.

Eventually she asks "What am I supposed to call you when your dressed like this, I'm confused? Rachel?"
I told her "Dad" was fine (it defines who I am for her), "Rachel" would be kind of weird for me, imagine a 16 year old girl hanging around with an old cross dresser?

Did I get it wrong???

I would love to know what your kids call you when out as a female

[Aunt Kelly]

Your daughter is the one who brought up the issue. You may be fine with 'Dad", but she clearly is not. So help her work out the solution that isn't weird... for her.

[alwayshave]

Could try Auntie Rachel or just Auntie.

[Chloe St Clair]

I agree with Kelly. Ask her what she would be comfortable with calling you.

[Teresa]

Rachel,
I had this problem the first time I took my daughter and granddaughter and her mother in law on a trip to see the pantomime . I did pose the question when driving , I felt comfortable with her calling me Terri which is what her mother in law calls me , but after 40 years of being dad it's kind of stuck , As for my granddaughter she's six and mildly autistic ( and an absolute sweety !!) we all decided not to confuse her and let her continue calling me grandpa . It was quite funny in the interval , my daughter called across to me , " Dad , any chance we could all have an ice cream ?" I did get a few stares from some people close by . It was a great day out , it was my granddaughter's first panto and she loved it . I'm due to go to a live show at the end of the month with my daughter and also need to take her on a shopping trip as I bought her some gift tokens at Xmas . My wife does know about the panto because I took her place .

[abbiedrake]

What your daughter calls you is part of how she processes your crossdressing. So if you're OK with whatever she can decide for herself. You're still her dad and might feel that still calling you 'dad' is respectful of her feelings. But equally as a young person of today she might also feel more respectful of YOUR feelings by calling Rachel, signalling her acceptance.
Since she's 16 (old enough for SO many things legally speaking) mutual respect is the determining factor.

[Teresa]

Abbie,
I tried that , if that's the true answer you have to expect them slipping up and not be annoyed by it , I feel my situation is the best compromise but obviously if I were to transition it might make a difference . I feel my daughter has given me huge respect and acceptance simply by openly coming out with me , I also forgot to mention her husband is also totally on board with this situation , OK it's easier for him as he just calls me Terri .

[bridget thronton]

Part of why I choose to be called Gram by my grandkids (and of course my own kids use Dad or Gram and their spouses my use any of those or my first name)

[abbiedrake]

Hey Teresa
I just smiled at your anecdote about your daughter's slip. Since you're out, and given your thread about the reality of not passing, I can imagine it would be water off a duck's back anyway.
Were I out and about I'm not sure I'd care what my own daughter called me (though that's a moot point for more than one reason). My wife's already stated she won't call me Abbie, nor does she want me to go out as Abbie, much less accompany me.
If you were to fully transition it would beg some interesting questions. Your daughter couldn't exactly call you 'mum' after all. But 'dad' would seem incongruous.
For me it's interesting because my mother's lack of respect in my choice of name played a part in my cutting all ties. My male name, lol. A contraction of my given name that she refused to ever use despite every other person in my life doing so. Sounds extreme but it was just a pathetic but persistent example of never accepting any decision I ever made. It was a sense of a lack of respect for my decisions. (Not bitter at all! 😁 )
Chosen names and acceptance were a factor in my life before full blown CDing ever was.

[Robertacd]

I have thought about this a little bit. I am okay with my son still calling me Dad when I am dressed.

Like the other day after I came out to him we were talking and he said "I love you and you're still my Dad".

Now my wife still calling me her husband when I am dressed kind of bugs me. But she is trying, so I don't give her too much crap about it.

[Asew]

I am still dad to my kids. Sounds like she might not want to offend you and was unsure how you felt about it.

[AllieSF]

Dad for my kids, Granpa for one grand kid, Allie for the other, and Papa Buzz for the youngest grand kids. Who cares as long as they still love me and I can see and interact with them.

[Macey]

Did you do wrong? You love and accept one another. You're not doing it wrong!

[Rachelakld]

Well the thing is, we are both happy with "Dad" so it seemed so natural that we continue that way.
I'm relieved that I'm not the only one.

[Teresa]

Rachel,
Just a point of interest , what does your wife think about the situation and what does she call you when out ? ( yes I do mean the polite title and not the others that sometimes get thrown around !!! ).

[SaraLin]

hm-m-m. How about "D"(short for Dad)? or "DD" (for DadDy) - but it won't be what others hear. They'll hear Dee or DeeDee, which sounds appropriately feminine.

Not sure if it would fly, but it's a thought.

[Rachelakld]

Hi Teresa,
Wife calls me Rachel at home and on the few outing we have had.
Unfortunately she focused on all the people looking at, her for being with me last year, felt judged, so no more outing with the wife.

I prefer not to go out with the girls when dressed, but occasionally they want something "NOW", so it does happen, step daughters are happy using "Rachel"

[Teresa]

Rachel,
As I remarked she could call far worse names shame took it the wrong way last time you were out with her .

Sorry one more question , is it a case of you preferring not to go out with the girls or they prefer not to go out with you ?

I'm finding this whole issue harder , on one hand they might think I'm being selfish but I would like to be in a situation where they think I can't turn it off and on like a tap , I find it very unsettling now having to go from one to the other , NB just dosn't do it for me , all that should be behind me now .

[Sometimes Steffi]

I heard this story from Amanda Simpson, a MtF Transexual.

After transition, She was in Costco with her son. If you've been to Costco, you would know that they often have people offering samples of some of their products. Her son wanted to sample some food. The woman who was distributing the food said that he could as long as his mom said it was OK. The boy said, "That's not my mom, its my dad. She used to be a boy and now she's a girl."

True story from the mouth of Amanda Simpson herself.

You can google her.

[Eemz]

> "Rachel" would be kind of weird for me, imagine a 16 year old girl hanging around with an old cross dresser

I don't think it'd be weird, people will just presume you're her aunt or something. Maybe you used to be her uncle.

But you're definitely still her Dad if anyone asks. I do think actually pretending to be her aunt would be weird, and regardless would give her the wrong message.

[Rachelakld]

hi Teresa,

It's my preference not to go in girl mode with the girls, they seem okay with it so sometimes, if the female me is currently having a run of girl time, I allow it to continue.

Having 2 personalities, lets me chose which person I want to be with them (male self has dominance/majority control).
If I only had 1 female personality, then I would be full time and there wouldn't be a choice, there would be only "Rachel".

[Beverley Sims]

My kids don't know but dad sounds like a pet nickname.

My wife forgets sometimes and just wants to hold hands when shopping. :-)