That funny vibe

[CarlaWestin]

I've had this so many times. Someone that you know sort of gives you that cold arm's length muted interaction. This has happened to me with a neighbor or two. Friendly one day and then withdrawn and avoiding interaction the next. And then there's some folks at work. Did they find some Carla stuff? Have any of y'all felt that funny vibe?

[JenniferR771]

Hmmm--good question, Carla. I am not very social --only a few close friends.
My neighbor never invites me over for tea any more. We used to study and try to improve his English.
Did I accidentally include him on one of my email lists? With my pictures?
Maybe his English is now fluent enough to get by.

[Tracy Irving]

Some say that change is the only constant. Mood is not immune.

[Teresa]

Carla,
You never really know what makes others tick ! I feel my neighbour has a problem with seeing me since he compared my painted nails to his wife and appeared to upset her , he was OK with me but now he tells me he's not comfortable but it's not my problem it's for him to deal with it and his wife . Often this is the crux of the problem we may stir something up that we could never envisage and we never know what goes on behind the front doors of other people . As my wife told me in heated moments , " It's not all about you !" how true that has proved to be other people have their own problems to deal with .

[Majella St Gerard]

I have been ghosted by friends since coming out. Their loss, don't need false friends. Besides I've made more friends as Gerri to replace them. "F" them.

[Gillian Gigs]

Some people are more moody than others. One of your moods may have rubbed their mood the wrong way and now they are unsure of how to act around you. Most people don't care how others live, their way is to live and let live. They don't want to hear about your exploits, or behaviours, any more than you would want to hear theirs. I doubt that your CD'ing has anything to do with it, unless you are in their face about it. No matter how you are dressed, just be kind, show a little love and things will pass.
PS. Keep the curtains drawn if things can get a little spicy. Maybe more for them, than for you.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Yeah I know the feeling, and it goes down hill from there.

I developed adult hydrocephalus and my health rapidly declined. Between work and illness my marriage suffered too. My ex told all of our friends and family, except me when she decided to divorce. Almost everyone started avoiding me , phone calls, conversations, parties. I was clueless about what was going on until my ex left. Her parting words were "I can handle your long work hours, but I can't handle your medical issues". Some of my friends later told me , they felt awkward knowing my ex was leaving, and didn't want to "add to my problems" True friends . I'm much happier now with a much smaller friend group. But true friends.

I'm not saying you are heading for divorce, I'm just saying be prepared for anything.

[Stephanie47]

I've found going through life the old saying "birds of a feather flock together" is so true. My cross dressing has remained a private affair because 'outing' oneself when married has an effect on a wife also. Heck, if the woman you're married to will dump you for wearing a dress, why wouldn't your neighbor? Over the years I've been excluded from groups because I was not "like" them, but, it was not for any issues of sexuality or sexual identity. Their loss.

[Tracii G]

Yes that has happened a few times and I just let it pass and next time if they want to talk to me fine but I'm not going out of my way to ask them anything.
Some have completely disowned me and I really don't care.
Funny story here one sister of a friend of mine who is very progressive put 2+2 together and found out I was trans.
She unfriended me on FB and talked bad about me to my friend (her sister) and called me a pervert and a freak.
Even sports and antisemitism logo on the FB page.She is Jewish thru marriage.
Lets call her two faced, a homophobe,transphobic and a bigot for starters but thats how some progressives are.
The old "Oh I am all for inclusiveness". But actually its the old "Oh sure as long as its not in my backyard".

I am still friends with this woman plus I do think she is awesome and what her sister thinks makes no difference to me.

[char GG]

My cross dressing has remained a private affair because 'outing' oneself when married has an effect on a wife also.

My SO outed himself and some neighbors have become scarce to both of us. It's very sad to me.

[JocelynJames]

Hi Carla ,
I have that all the time but I attribute it to the fact that just like myself, others have different levels of stuff going on and some just can’t deal with the stress well. Sometimes I feel some people know things because of comments toward the cd community,. They were probably always like that and I may be acutely aware now.

[Teresa]

Kelly,
Still not quite as bad as telling people you're dead as my wife started to do , I had to put a stop to it as it would devestated my grandsons if they overheard the converstaion .

[GretchenM]

Oh my, The Vibe. You bet I have felt that, even from fairly close relatives. No comments, just a shunning.

It is actually fairly natural to do that. The psychologists call it the US-Them reaction to something that is inconsistent with what they think should be. There is a whole circuit in the brain that supports that as well as another one that turns that reaction off with more rational consideration. The thing is it is a primitive response and not really befitting to a creature like a human being who is capable, with some work, of turning an US-Them reaction into a learning experience.

I guess you just have to accept that our behavior will produce that reaction in a lot of people who can't take the time to try and overcome the reaction with a little effort. It is really sad, but so true, that with some anything that is really different can cause people to break ties that are otherwise very good and beneficial to both. Beam me up, Scotty, no intelligent life here. OK, that is going overboard, but you get the idea.

[donnalee]

I long ago stopped caring how other people react. I try to treat others as I would like to be treated, but I expect the same in return (although I don't often receive it). As long as they don't pose a danger to me or mine, it's their problem, not mine.

[Micki_Finn]

Consider it natural selection. If they’re gonna be weird around you because of your dressing, you probably didn’t need that person in your life.

[Crissy 107]

I have been ghosted by friends since coming out. Their loss, don't need false friends. Besides I've made more friends as Gerri to replace them. "F" them.
Gerri, Absolutely correct, no loss on your part.

[Helena]

Carla,

This rings so deep. I had a friend and former colleague, and I thought we were very close, but last time we were out on a walk it became patently obvious that he was deeply trans phobic. I don't know if he has worked it out, or even seen me out and about in Chesterfield, where he lives, but now I get no response to my texts or calls. it breaks my heart.

[Allisa]

Carla as you know Iv'e gotten that "vibe" from my whole neighborhood all at once when I boldly went where no other man had gone, in their faces.

[RachelB.]

People come into our lives. Some for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime. I have friends who I haven't seen for years but would be here tomorrow if I told them I needed them. I have a friend who drove 1,000 miles to sit with me at the bedside while my dad passed away. Another friend helped me move over 600 miles. Some I have been really close to for a time and we drifted in different directions. Don't worry about people drifting away they may have served their purpose and someone new will be along to fulfill their purpose in your life.

[Eemz]

I'm with Gerri, Crissy, Micki on this. F them, their loss.

Thankfully I have experienced very little of that vibe so far but it's very noticeable when it happens. I try to give people space to reboot their brains because it is a new experience for them, but if that doesn't fix the problem then they are making a choice

[Petra1]

There is someone in my life that, when we haven’t spoken for a while, I start to wonder if they know. But when I do speak with this person, all seems fine.

[Rochal Tukque]

I have had that happen with my closeted CD sisters. Since I have come out public and go out dressed with the group girls they have slowly faded away one by one. I don't know what they're thinking. Maybe that I might out them to a friend or something I don't know just seems strange.

[Beverley Sims]

It has happened to me often when I least expect it to happen.

I have never found anything in it though.

After reading the various replies to Carla's post I find that life for some is really interesting.

[Helena]

I was wrong, my friend has just had a lot going on recently and we are arranging a walk in the Peak District soon.