Emotions rise up and smack me unexpectedly

[Sarah Doepner]

It's been eight months since I started taking hormones and thought I was handling things pretty damn well. At a couple months in I thought my emotional changes had begun as I found myself seeing something funny and laughing with abandon, something that never happened before. But after a few of those (bordering on changing to tears) I leveled off again and figured I was seeing the new normal. Another 5 or 6 months pass and I'm in a groove. My E and T levels are where the doc wants them at this point, the weather is becoming beautiful and I'm getting out to enjoy life from time to time.

Yesterday I ran into a friend at my nail appointment and she says "Are you okay? You look a little haggard." Of course she was right.

This last week has had me crying on a regular basis, puffy red eyes, sniffles, feeling lonely, lost and tired of so many of those things that have been part of my life for years. To be honest, nothing has really changed in my world, except I'm going through a lot more tissues. Externally, life is the same this week as it was the week before and the week before that. I'm guessing it just took longer than I expected for the hormones to slowly grind away the shell I've built around my emotional core over the last 50+ years in an effort to protect that tender spot. If that's the case my questions revolve around what to expect now. Is this the new normal or will this new version of puberty eventually level off? Or will I only find out as it goes along since we are, as we all know, individuals and unique?

Is my best choice to just buckle up and keep my head, arms and heart in the ride at all times?

[Jenny22]

Hi, my friend. I cant help you as I'm not on HRT, so no experience to share. I think that your closing sentence says it best. You're on a ride and will grab the brass ring soon. Hugs and luck.

[Katya@]

Hi Sarah,
Frankly, the most I have seen from hormones in 18 months is that I am get more choked up when I learn about something really bad or really good and this happens rarely. Otherwise, i am the same.
Katya

[Jeri Ann]

Sarah,

I have been on HRT for over 15 years. I have never experienced unexplained and/or uncontrolled emotions. I can be very emotional but it is always a reaction to life issues. I know maybe 50 transwomen here in the Houston area and I don't recall anyone ever reporting this kind of reaction to hormones.

Prior to FFS and BA my doctor insisted that I stop the mones for two weeks before and two weeks after my surgery. I was off the mones for 29 days. No change for me. I am just seven weeks from stopping HRT for SRS. Afterward my regimen will be changed, no blockers and lower Esradiol dosage.

My guess is that your emotional outbreaks are caused by something else. Talk to your doctor and your therapist about this.

[Maid_Marion]

Yes, I'd also suggest seeing professionals to figure out what is going on.

[Sarah Doepner]

Thanks all. Over the weekend I went to see my favorite therapist, the out of doors for a short camping trip. I think I know part of what brought this on and it's probably anxiety over the next steps I'll be taking. A little clean (well dusty) air and a night under the stars gave me a little better perspective. I'm scheduled to see my counselor shortly and will be sure to bring this up for his take on this issue. I appreciate having sympathetic and understanding eyes out here to call on.

[Pat]

Sarah -- I think you may have a combination of things going on, some might just be opening up so your Real Self (tm) can shine through -- that would easily explain laughing more/louder than you did heretofore. But also be aware that Trans people have increased rates of anxiety and depression and it wouldn't be wrong to get screened for both. In my personal case I had been having problems with both for so long that I didn't know that other people DIDN'T feel like I did until the doctor got me past it and I found out what "normal" felt like. Let's be honest, after spending decades hiding who you really are, it would be astounding if you didn't have anxiety and depression issues. ;) (Standard "not a doctor" disclaimers apply.)

[Aprilrain]

I found that for me I went through a whole new metamorphosis a few years after bottom surgery. Id' been on blockers and E for 5 or 6 years at that point and figured there wouldn't be much left to change. Holy shit was I wrong!
For one, I've had to completely replace my entire wardrobe due to losing 60LBS, Two, I have a completely new empathetic outlook on female puberty. My husband says I'm a fourteen year old. I think that's a little harsh.
What did fourteen year olds ever do to deserve......... never mind.
anyway, I've stopped pretending that my "transition" is "over"
Yes I'm through the big ticket items and now its time to learn how to make it in this world with this new body.
Its not always easy.

[AllieSF]

I have almost 2 1/2 years on hormones and have noticed subtle changes in attitude and emotions. I easily get teary eyed for certain things, and have really just slowed down my mind in many areas and opened it in others, especially trans related issues. Two interesting changes are first, that I stopped being a regular online eBay shopper, buy only what I really need for the next season (here Summer and winter), and second, where I looked forward to going into San Francisco from 2-3 times a week, now I am more content to just stay at home with my basic at home activities. Getting all dressed up for a long night on the town just seems like too much effort and work now. Go figure!

[Devi SM]

I haven't read all the comments but my own experience a bit a free a year is that men don't really know how women feel.
I said a joke days ago to a woma that was I trouble with her husband and trying to help I said, men don't think with upper head but the one down there, women don't have that head so don't think, just feel, the both brain get the information that receive either from that head or the heart and act....
We both laugh a lot but is a reality.
Some days I'm so happy and I don't know why, just happy so.count my blessings and find the reason. Others day sadness call my door and find the reasons in all the things I lack as a trasgender woman and find the reason but the process was reversed. I don't think too much but I react to emotions. Yesterday we were watching a new hbo miniseries, Chernobyl, I start crying and wife follow me.
I was always a sensitive person but now I exteriorize my feelings really easy but now I see things I never saw before.
I'm happy with the kind, sensitive and gentle person I'm now and wife says the same.
We don't have hormonal.cycles, it's supposed our level of hormones keep constant, I don't know but wife tells me that I remind her her adolescence, all the emotional instability that later being married she learned to cope...to have a partner is so important for a trasgender in transition...