How do you identify? And can you explain why?

[KimberlyJean]

Hello all,

We are a very diverse group of individuals with varying motivations. I hope we can discuss this without it devolving into a firestorm, my question and hopes for cordial answers is how do you identify and can you explain why you feel that way?

I identify as a woman and FOR ME this explains my why. I was 40 years old when the pieces fell into place and I realized that indeed I am a woman and have always been. I told myself for years that women wouldn't do the things I do and therefore I couldn't be a woman I just had this issue I had to deal with. Then I realized that women do all the things that I do and they do them well. My mother was my role model and the strongest person I have ever known, living up to her character and strength of person is a goal I would be proud of.

I know we have beaten around this bush in several threads but nothing attacked it directly. My curiosity is peaked and I genuinely would like to understand different positions on this. Maybe we can gain a greater understanding of our differences and similarities by discussing this and being honest with each other and ourselves.


(crossing fingers and ducking in case of incoming)

[Samm]

Hi Kimberly Jean! for me, I never thought of myself as a woman. Or being in the wrong body etc. I am male.
But.... on the inside, I can definitely put myself as somewhere in the middle. I don't feel I'm one or the other, but more a little of both. Some days I'm more male, some not so much. I see it as constantly moving, like a seesaw or the waves of an ocean. Sometimes it's difficult to keep up, and I do struggle with it from time to time.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

Good Morning Kimberly Jean,

I hope the weather is nice in Mississippi this time of year. We're having a pleasant few days in the Low Country of SC with mild temperatures and "low" humidity. I used to work in the Middle East and in the worst parts of the summer I often thought that it was hotter "at home" than there.

Anyway, I don't understand why your getting ready to "duck & cover" over your question, but I digress.

I am a transvestite. I am a man who likes to wear woman's clothing and dress fully as a woman. However; I've always known I was a man and don't have any doubts or reservations about that. I knew this as a little boy, just like I knew I wasn't going into the Church either. (Despite my mother's wishes)

Can I give you a list of several concrete reasons or facts about why I know I'm a man. Nope.

Good luck with your question.
Love,
Linda W.

[Nikki A.]

Born Male but always felt a bit different. I do feel there is a woman inside fighting to get out. And over the years I've let this side become more overt and public. Would I transition? Probably not but if i could make some changes to present better I would never say never.

[Georgia_Maine]

Physically male. Mentally and emotionally a little of both. I just consider me: me!:)

[Tracy Irving]

Most of the time I present as "gender male" so that is the option I will go with, for now...

[Asew]

A simple way to put it for me is "I am not a girl but I like girly things". I identify as non-binary, and love to just be me, and that includes things that are male and/or female, why be limited to one set of options?

[Teresa]

Kimberly,
I understand your hesitation , it's a fair enough question but often turns into a heated debate over labels .

It's unfair to say you start as a crossdresser as if it's something menial but in fact the majority of us started out as CDers . The act of dressing opens our minds and the doors to hopefully find ourselves, then we have the tricky one of defining oursleves . We have to be careful we do it for oursleves and not what someone else thinks we are , that's when counselling can lend a helping hand .

I look back and see it as a stage we need to go through , we need to identify ourselves to find our own acceptance and that of others , without an identity we can't move forward .
Personally the umbrella term transgender covers it for me , it gives me the space to move freely across the spectrum . I feel I've moved into a situation where I don't need to define myself , going out full time doesn't need explaining it's visibly obvious . I'm dressed as a woman , if some think I am one that's great , the ones that don't I can live with as long as they aren't abusive or rude which they aren't . They don't know what anatomy is real and what isn't , I don't need to tell them and so far no one has asked , so how do I indentify ? I just use my name .

[Cheryl T]

I identify as just Me.
This has always been a journey through my life and I haven't reached the final destination so I can't say what the name of that station is.
It began at Curiosity, visited Fascination, spent some time at Sexual Gratification, stayed for years at Ima Crossdresser, continued on to Isit More and now we're refueling at Crossroads.

I see many tracks before me, but still don't know where this train will go. Time will tell ...

[Ressie]

I kind of wanted to be a girl as a teenager 50 years ago. However, I identify as a male since that's primarily what I am biologically. Love to dress up fully once in a while but still don't identify as a female. This whole "identify as" thing is new to me. Guess I'll have to use the men's room when going out. YMMV

[Rachael Leigh]

I know for me I feel as if I’m like the native Americans say a two Spirt person I’ve got both male and female parts with the
female being the dominate. It’s taken time to understand and accept this and still I struggle but I go forward

[KimberlyJean]

Thanks for the replies, I knew we were a diverse crowd. There are a hundred threads about defining others or terms and I was left thinking about where the heck do I fit in. We all on some level want to belong. I thought it was time we defined ourselves!

Linda, the weather is getting hot and humid. That big storm sucked a lot of the humidity out of the area but it is back now with a vengeance. And the duck and cover is because the forum has been a little hostile lately.

[BTWimRobin]

Hi Kimberly,

This is a very interesting topic.

I identify mostly as a guy. I like doing guy things. That's not to say a woman couldn't do anything I can do. They can, they do and they do it better. Anyway, I am physically a man and want to stay that way. Mentally an emotionally I would have to say a little of both, male and female. I get along better with women than men. When it comes to clothes, I really could care less about how I look in guy mode. The clothes are boring and dull. Women's clothes on the other hand are quite the opposite. The fabrics, the way they feel, the choices, the colors ... the possibilities are endless. If I had a choice, I would prefer to dress in female clothes.

Realize that I am still a newbie and might feel differently in time. I hope this answers your question.

Robin

[Rhandi Spencer]

THis is an interesting question that my therapist and I have discussed many times. The why is a tough answer as well. I was born a male and in general present as a male. However I most of the times identify neither male or female. I just do life. There are activities or hobbies I do that are dominated by males and I enjoy these with much pleasure. There are times when I identlfy very female and in many ways.

I want to be clear that most everything I do and like to do can be done by either female or male, I just choose to do them while presenting as a male Most of the time.

[sometimes_miss]

I identify as male, but due to how I grew up, always have this feeling in my head that I'm supposed to be wearing female clothing, and that I'm supposed to behave as a girl. All brought about by being told as a kid, that god had made a mistake, and that I was really supposed to be a girl. Not being old enough to challenge this information, I believed it, and thought that god would eventually fix me, so I very clandestinely watched my sister, her friends, and my female classmates to try to learn how to be a girl without any of them catching on to what was wrong with me (boys were never supposed to be anything like girls back then, it was just considered to be the worst possible thing a little boy could be!). So I grew up believing that I would probably become a real girl and grow breasts when I got old enough just like real girls did. Having a ready supply of girl clothes (as my mom saved all my elder sister's old clothes in our attic), with both parents working every day I had plenty of time to dress up as a girl on my own, as well as when my molester dressed me in his sister's clothing for his own purposes.
It seems that certain things in our personalities become permanent at some point during our development, and as time went on, it appeared that I would be stuck with this. The feeling that I was supposed to be a girl, never went away. Although it may seem similar to what transsexuals feel, until I was told that I was supposed to be a girl, I had never felt that way. I see the world the way men do, I communicate the way that men do, my hobbies and pastimes are stereotypical male, I have no nesting behaviors, and no particular interest in babies or children. I'm quite content to spend oh, 99% of my time solitary, and no need to talk a great deal. I don't spend any time trying to re-interpret other people's behavior, or wonder 'what they really mean' when they say things. In short, direct speech patterns rather than female indirect speech patterns. So I guess I'm a genuine male, stuck with some underlying female desires.

So I guess I just identify as a very messed up, damaged male, because women don't seem to want anything to do with men romantically when they find out we're not 'all male' masculine men.

Women want masculine men. Bi women seem to want feminine women, and/or masculine men. Gay women seem to want only genetic, 'real' women, not MtF TS women. While there are men out there that like feminine men, there don't seem to be a whole lot of women who want feminine men...or for that matter, men who want masculine women. So there're probably not many women out there for me. Oh well. Neil Diamond wrote my tale:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAtwg1BwKek

[Gillian Gigs]

This is a fair question considering the diverse group that congregates here.
I'm see myself as a guy who likes certain feminine articles of clothing. There was a time in the early years where it was mostly about sexual gratification, but that has changed a lot as time has gone by. I guess I'm a kind of lazy CD'er, I wear what I like and make almost attempt to go beyond what I enjoy wearing. To sum it up, I like nylon lingerie, skirts and hosiery, I would be quite happy to wear those items most days. There is the odd occasion where the desire goes deeper, but not enough to go to the work of doing anything about it. My wife accepts this side of me, so I am able to do as I choose around the house, which makes life easy for me.

[Beverley Sims]

Identify as male but getting passport and dual drivers licence and I live about 20/7 as female.

So I don't know really.

[Tracii G]

I fall into the two spirit club somewhat.
Genetically male but it ends there because inside and how I think and feel is female.
When I interact with people I get called ma'am a lot and I guess thats how they see me so I am good with that.

[Mary Lawrence]

I am fully and completely a guy, except for the fact that I love women's clothes, putting on makeup, and generally passing as a woman. I am somewhere on the continuum of gender identity, but don't really know where. I would not want to be female full time, as there is too much baggage there. My preference would be to just drift in and out of male and female modes with no social barriers to doing so. Right now, I am typing on my laptop wearing black slacks, block socks, a sleeveless black-background flowered top and a 3/4 sleeve coverup (I removed makeup and jewelry an hour ago). I'll soon be back in jeans and t-shirt to mow the lawn. I have no clue why I am what I am.

[Dana3]

I wouldn't say I'm a woman. And there's no shortage of individuals from all walks of Life who would argue that I'm not a not man, were they to know any and all there is to know about me.

I'm a man who has a strong feminine side that is strongly drawn to femininity.

Day to day, I present as a masculine man. I don't own or possess anything feminine with which to express my femininity.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kimberly Jean :hugs: , I am just a regular sometimes a Macho guy that has liked wearing ladies clothes,


I started 72 years ago when I was 4years old I don't go out dressed but wear triple earrings 24/7 a combination
of studs and small hoops,

I have a very extensive collection of Clothes, Heels, Wigs & Jewelry.

I dress for four hours every Morning and a couple hours a couple Evenings a Week.

I am just a regular guy that enjoys dressing up, I really love just having the best of both worlds.

>>>>>>>>Orchid ..O:daydreaming:O..

[KellyGCD]

I identify as a man and present myself as such the majority of the time, but there is that part of me that really enjoys dressing up and looking girly. So I guess I would identify myself in that sense as a crossdresser. I just enjoy being me and I think that if I want to enjoy things that are female, then why not.

[Becoming Brianna]

I honestly don't know right now. Somewhere in Non binary territory. Bigender Genderfluid genderqueer transfeminine. Most of my dysphoria is social in nature and dressing and wearing makeup helps with that. I want to be regarded and accepted as a woman socially and I will probably live as one full time socially but I'm not sure about hormones and surgery. I definitely identify far more closely to the feminine end of the scale but I just can't bring myself to fully and consistently come out and say I'm a woman and I need to make physical changes to my body to match that. (But there are times when I absolutely feel that way especially when it comes to HRT and possibly BA and FFS). I know that I have a strong feminine side and that it is dominant over my masculine side almost like there is a woman in me trying to get out as Nikki A mentioned. I exhibit a lot of feminine thought patterns and some of my speech patterns are as well. I'm more confident happier and more complete now than I've ever been and I owe it all to letting Brianna out. If I had been her from the beginning of my life I think I would have been a lot happier throughout life. I guess I would answer this question as TBD because it is for me and a qualified therapist to sort out when I start going at the end of the month. I need it so badly. Not knowing exactly who I am is getting very difficult for me.

[Amelie]

Outside of this forum I am a female, but sometimes when I come to this forum I'm made to feel like a man. I won't flog a dead horse, but old posters know what I mean.

I don't do male or female things, I just do things that anyone on earth does.

I don't give much thought about my gender, I think more of being a goth than I do about gender. Gender is just what I am, I didn't choose my gender. Being a goth is my choice so I think about it more and my life revolves around being goth more than it does my gender.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I Identify as a MALE. The CD thing started out for me as a kid as a kind of fetish/masochist based erotica and soon I realized it was a form of "escaping" or "Taking a vacation from MYSELF"-----effectively becoming an entirely different person with no connection with the concerns or worries of my "Male Life"---or even "manhood" itself. I could COMPLETELY "unwind and Relax" and enter a state of pure bliss---if even only for a few hours at a time.----There is still an erotic element and it is also a LOT of fun simply "Looking pretty".

On the surface, looking at the posts, I might seem to be the odd exception to the rule, but there are a LOT of guys out there that are like me---We just are not as "vocal" or inclined to write as much as those who have more "complex" identity issues.

[Macey]

I've always had a feminine side on a spiritual level, but never really expressed it outwardly until this last year (a little longer, I guess). It's clicked a lot of buttons for me and if I am honest, I'd have to say 'somewhere on the spectrum'. As I am organizing my thoughts and feeling through all of this, I gather I will be shaking out non-binary as this settles in.

[Ceera]

I was in my mid-50’s before I seriously allowed myself to evaluate my own gender and orientation issues. I knew before I was into my teens that I was, at the very least, bisexual. I knew I preferred playing quietly with the girls to playing rough sports with the boys. I knew the idea of sex with either gender would work for me. But I also knew that coming out as either bi or gay would have totally destroyed my relationship with my father, and that aside from not being able to be open with him about being some flavor of queer, I had a fantastic dad, and my mom was great too. I was the only son, the child expected to ‘carry on the family name’, expected to marry and have kids, expected to join his fraternal organizations... So I pretty much repressed the issue and tried to live up to everyone’s expectations, as a straight male.

Over the decades - despite getting married, remaining faithfully monogamous, and raising a kid - a variety of feminine and/or bi impulses kept cropping up. In games where I could choose my gender, I often chose to play as females, and did it well enough that in on-line gaming, others were certain I was a cisgender woman in real life. I wrote erotic stories that included believable female and transgender characters, with more depth than most males could write. I would catch myself looking at women’s shoes or clothes, and wishing I could wear them. But I never did anything openly in real life, until after my parents and wife were all deceased.

Once I was free of parental expectations and marriage responsibilities, I took a long, hard look at my past. And a clear pattern of feminine impulses and desires emerged. It was as if, in parallel to my male self, there was a hidden female side, yearning to live openly. So I took a chance, and tried going out in public socially as a woman. I loved it, and was very successful in being accepted. And I found it wasn’t a fetish for me, nor was it about sex, all that much. As a woman, I was more open to attentions from men, but I still generally preferred women. I just loved living openly as a woman, being able to wear the clothes, jewelry, and perfumes, and being seen and appreciated as an attractive older woman. I spent three years living socially as a woman, and only appearing as a male to those who had known me first as a male. My new friends who I met as a woman only knew the female me, though I was open about being trans. Most of those new friends were lesbians, who accepted me as ‘one of them’, since I still preferred women.

Yet I still did not hate behaving like a male. Despite preferring to socialize as a female, I was able to switch gender roles freely, and in a perfect world, where gender role and anatomy did not matter, I could have been happy with being socially female, while living other aspects of my life as a male. In a world of love, acceptance and tolerance, I could have been okay with remaining non-binary. And besides, I thought medical transition was unreachable for me financially.

Sadly, we don’t yet have that tolerant world. I can only get a passport that says ‘male’ or ‘female’. No non-binary option there, or in many other aspects of daily life. I came to the conclusion that my life as a male had been good overall, but that to live that life, I had for too long denied and repressed my feminine needs. It was as if, after all this time, I suddenly discovered I had a twin sister, who had been cared for and educated, but kept confined in secret, not allowed to interact with the outside world. And I knew it was time for my male aspect to set her free, by trading places with her. When I moved from Texas to Oregon, I started living openly in both gender roles, and openly bi.

A year or so later, once I knew I could get the full medical transition, I realized I needed to become fully female. There really was no aspect of my life that I would not enjoy just as much, and likely more, if lived as a woman. There was nothing I could truly say I needed or preferred to do as a male. Accepting myself as fully female, and doing all I can to medically achieve that goal, was what would make my life the happiest, going forward. I can’t really even imagine any case in the future where I might choose to ‘cross dress in the other direction’, and interact with the world as a male again.

So, I identify as a woman, and while I am bisexual, my orientation is primarily lesbian. I am 9 months into HRT, legally transitioned to female, and on track for GRS. And I could not be happier.

[ShelbyDawn]

First, I think you effectively dodged the need to 'duck and cover' by asking, 'how do you identify'.

For me, I identify as a pragmatist. What I would like to be and what I can be are two very different things, so I find ways to cope that allow me to be as close to what I want while letting me stay within the bounds of what I can be.
I have had gender issues as long as I can remember, borrowing things from my sisters as young as five or six to play dress up.
I am one of those that, given the magic wand or the little pill, would become a woman full time without hesitation IF THERE WERE NO RAMIFICATIONS but my real world cost of that is greater than I am willing to pay, so I do the best I can.
I wear as much female clothing as I need to to feel right; panties and a bra every day, some days I can get away with small forms(I really like those day), I wear size 9/10 Wranglers and sleep in nightgowns and often wear skirts around the house.
I don't need to try to pass, I don't need to go out and pretend to be a woman; at 6'3", 200# and a terminal case of MIAD(man-in-a-dress), i don't have much chance of that anyway, I just need to feel right.
Clinically, I guess you could say I identify as a woman in a mans body. Realistically, I'm just me doing the best I can to be happy

[Lana Mae]

I set out to explore my feminine side! I was still "male" then! Slowly the male turned into Non-binary trangender! Then the GD said need HT! I sat on that for a while and then decided that was the way to go! I am 6 months in HT and still consider myself TG/NB! Where I will go from here is anybody's guess! Enjoying the journey! Gender me! LOL Just my $0.02! Hugs Lana Mae

[KimberlyJean]

Shelby, the only reason I am not living full time as a woman is because life got in the way. I understand obligations very well.

Hugs

[Maid_Marion]

Pragmatically, I still identify as male so I can run into a bathroom and do my business quickly. But, if you call me ma'am as many do, I'm fine with that.

[Jodie_Lynn]

I identify as human. Because, well, when I tell folks I'm a Klingon, I get funny looks...


As to gender identity, I label myself as a heterosexual female.

[Confucius]

I see myself as a man and most of the time I am happy being a man. However, I have a great admiration for all things feminine.
When I crossdress, I still see myself as a man in a dress. I wish I could look like a beautiful woman, but I'm afraid that is impossible. That doesn't bother me because for me just wearing feminine clothing seems to release all sorts of feel good neurotransmitters.

I believe that in my youth there might have been a period when I had gender dysphoria. If I had seen a gender therapist at that point in my life then things might have been different.

[DMichele]

I identify as near-female. It feels right and after coming to terms with my identity, I am happier and more confident. I can't change my yesterdays, but I strive to enjoy day-to-day living.

[Michelle1955]

Born in 1955, always wanted to be female. In my head I am female, so 98% female and maybe 2% male. By 1960 switch underwear / panties with a GG my age the panties seemed correct in my mind. Always at a very early age looked and the female, cloths, bras, panties, toys, etc in the JCP / Sears catalog. But in the 1960’s boys wearing girls cloths was nearly a death sentence. Still a mental block to me basically 55+ years later. Do I crossdress daily, but undressing will satisfy most of my needs most of the time. Wearing a bra is my pacifier, an A or B cup is all in need to fight the fog. Do I go out in the real world dressed yes, but only when the fog gets bad. If I was young again I would fully transition in a heart beat, but would identify as a lesbian. The majority of men attitudes are horrible. I been married for 40 years to the same woman, we have similar attitudes since we both grew up the 1960-70’s but we make it work the best we can.

[Jenn_8B]

I really wish I could figure out what I am. Primarily I'm male and that's how I live my life; however, I would consider gender transformation if I could.

[alwayshave]

KimberlyJean, I love all things female and maybe as a teenager wished was a girl. However, I realize that I am a male and always will be. I love wearing women's close and "always have", and always will. But I am male.

[Michellebej]

I'm a woman. I had to learn to be a boy to make my father and grandfathers happy. I did a pretty good job of it too. I wouldn't say I have a disassociated personality. I do though have two distinct "me's".

[suzy1]

My daughter tells me that a woman and mans brains show no differences and its only upbringing and pressure from society that moulds us into acting male or female as we grow up.
personally I am unconvinced, but seeing as I am a moron and she is a senior research scientist one has to wonder?:straightface:

[Lacey New]

I identify as a male plain and simple.i do not think I am transgender inasmuch as I never think of myself as a female even while dressing up. I have no desire to try to present myself as a woman. I am a simple heterosexual male who happens to very much enjoy cross dressing from time to time.

[Happygirl!]

Suzy1,
I think your daughter is right. Modern neuroscience has dispelled many old myths. But I do wonder how the different hormones affect brain development.
Happygirl

[phili]

I am a mirl- a male girl. I am male biologically, but feminine psychologically. I personally find that being male does not interfere with being feminine, sexually and otherwise. Of course, social gender training is that males are boys, females are girls, and therefore ....people look at me and say 'man in a dress'-rather than the more correct 'male in a dress'. I think at a deeper level they also understand that I am then a feminine type of man, rejecting elements of the male gender training. Females know very well that they can be manly and would benefit from enjoying the privileges of manliness, but the social net is very tight.

Disentangling male and female anatomy from masculine and feminine gender expression will help free everyone, and increase precision in talking about gender diversity. Many transgender people say they feel they are in the wrong body, but I don't. I just thought I had the wrong underwear- at age 4! I think life would be easier if I looked like a female, since people's expectations would be more in line with what I feel, and I think it would be easier to be a tomboy than a mirl, but I am ok with expressing mirlness and letting it be what it is.

[Majella St Gerard]

Straight Male, because I am.

[GracieRose]

I have that pesky Y chromosome so physically I'm a male. At a very young age, when the boys went off to do what they wanted to do and the girls went off to do what they wanted to do, my natural inclination was to go with the girls. However, I was told that was inappropriate by teachers, parents etc. I learned to behave like a boy and recall many cases where I was told that boys don't sit like that, giggle like that, etc. so I learned the appropriate (unnatural to me, but expected by society) behavior. I never had much interest in doing most "boy" activities, so I generally stood off to the side or played by myself. It seems to me that I have a female spirit in a male body. However, since I am attracted to women and not men, the male body comes in handy.

[Pat]

Among people who "speak trans" I say I'm a non-binary transfeminine person, among muggles I say I'm a transgender woman but internally I identify as a third gender, not male, not female, but a gender that has been stable all my life although I had to discover it. Physically, there's little difference between me and a transsexual - I legally transitioned from male to female on almost all my documents, I socially transitioned and live day-to-day as female, medically I've had a number of surgeries that are common among MtF transsexuals -- the only real difference is that I'm not a woman. I've transitioned from a false gender (male) to my real gender even if that gender has no name in our society. Someone coined the term "transgenderal" -- I kinda like that. It used to cause me some angst that I couldn't find a precise label, but it doesn't any more.

[Bea_]

I identify as totally male and see my taste in clothes from the other side of the aisle as an expansion of my masculine prerogative rather than as a turn to femininity. I see much of what's considered to be masculine/feminine as just arbitrary distinctions.

[ellbee]

This TV commercial from the late '80s sums it up rather well for me... :heehee:


(Have to turn up the volume.)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeibzLZn2hU


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeibzLZn2hU

[Aunt Kelly]

My daughter tells me that a woman and mans brains show no differences and its only upbringing and pressure from society that moulds us into acting male or female as we grow up.
personally I am unconvinced, but seeing as I am a moron and she is a senior research scientist one has to wonder?:straightface:

Your daughter is probably not aware of things like this... https://www.the-scientist.com/features/are-the-brains-of-transgender-people-different-from-those-of-cisgender-people-30027

Though far from conclusive, there is a growing body of evidence that there are indeed observable differences between male and female brains and that there may be certain markers the correlate with gender dysphoria.

[Teresa]

Suzy,
Twenty years ago I paid a counsellor a great deal of money to be told that , my gut feeling knew he was wrong , so I never went back , now I'm glad I didn't waste anymore money on him as the the proof is steadily building that we are born with the trait or whatever label people wish to use . I know my upbringing had very little influence on the start of this crazy merry-go-round , I'm so grateful I'm not still going round on it !

[Sallee]

I identify as a male for the most part. A male crossdresser or a transvestite. I don't dress all the time just occasionally. I enjoy my girl time and when I was younger I spent more time in female mode but it was still part time. Years ago I went to a convention, it was great fun but after 4 days of getting up in the morning getting made up casually for day time and getting into all the accoutrements to blend and pass, most of the time, I just grew tired of it and it was losing the thrill. I seemed to be passing pretty well or at least no one in the civilian world seemed to notice or care what my gender was. For the first few days I was having a great time being a girl especially with all the other gurls but when it came to outside of the convention it was just life.
So the good news was I could pass or no one cared the other news is to me CDing was a hobby for lack of a better term. It still is a compulsion and a desire but one that I can control and deal with. This week was a perfect example. I had several days of free time. So I was excited about being a girl for a couple of days. The first day I dressed and got out visited stores even a home depot and enjoyed my girl self. The next day I started to dress and said the heck with it, no thrill so I was a boy all day and did the same things I did as Sallee on the third day I said ok I am going to dress and spent all day as Sallee. Well, I couldn't get motivated to dress until mid afternoon after about 4 hours of girl time I was ready to be a boy again I had tried on several different outfits tried a bunch of different makeup looks went out and saw a movie and then went home and became boy again and I was just tired of it and there was no thrill. It was still a bunch of fun but I felt like I did as much as Sallee wanted. So the answer is I am me with a bunch of different sides.

[Michellebej]

My daughter tells me that a woman and mans brains show no differences and its only upbringing and pressure from society that moulds us into acting male or female as we grow up.
personally I am unconvinced, but seeing as I am a moron and she is a senior research scientist one has to wonder?:straightface:

Suzy, let her read this: https://www.webmd.com/brain/features/how-male-female-brains-differ#1

Or this: https://stanmed.stanford.edu/2017spring/how-mens-and-womens-brains-are-different.html

and this: https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2017/04/study-finds-some-significant-differences-brains-men-and-women

[KimberlyJean]

On the surface, looking at the posts, I might seem to be the odd exception to the rule, but there are a LOT of guys out there that are like me---We just are not as "vocal" or inclined to write as much as those who have more "complex" identity issues.

Marina, I would say, without doing the math, 80% of the replies state they identify as male. I knew starting the thread that those of us who aren't fully transitioned but are women were in the minority.

[SaraLin]

umm-m-m. Conflicted / defeated??

I've always known (as far back as I can remember) that I was supposed to have been born a girl. I even began counselling / HRT in my 40's to 'make the switch'.

But I'm also a realist, and the mirror isn't a friend. At a point on the way, my reflection reminded me that I'd "never fit in" if I continued on that course.

That - and the potential cost (financial, familial, social, etc.) of transitioning stopped me. I guess that my need isn't so strong that I had to say "damn the torpedos"

I live - uncomfortably- somewhere in the middle... male to the outside world, dressed feminine (a bit) at home, wishing I had more but knowing that understanding that I'm in an OK spot. It's a compromise, but it works. Other than this unsatisfied longing/desire/not-quite-need, I have a good life and don't want to do anything to mess it up.

How does that phrase go - something about living lives of "quiet desperation"?

[Barbara Black]

Born male, but was lousy at it. it took about 50 years for me to discover why. Crossdressing had always been just a fetishy thing for me until I began to understand myself after a long long time.

[GeorgeA]

I identify as totally male and see my taste in clothes from the other side of the aisle as an expansion of my masculine prerogative rather than as a turn to femininity. I see much of what's considered to be masculine/feminine as just arbitrary distinctions.

As a MIAD I have to agree with that pronouncement. I am a man but spend most of my time in skirts and lingerie which I no longer consider as strictly women's clothing. I never considered myself to be a female; always a man. Look at the spectrum of clothes that people wear. Is there are a clearly defined demarcation line? On this side female on that male. What I wear all the day long is what I like, what is comfortable to wear. I no longer think of myself as crossdressing, just wearing my clothes.

[Fran-K]

...my question and hopes for cordial answers is how do you identify and can you explain why you feel that way?

Hi Kimberly,

I've been thinking a lot about this.
By "how you identify", I presume you mean male, female, NB, etc, etc? After all, that's what this whole site is about!

But after pondering it for a while, I have to say "none of the above".
Huh?
If I had to answer ... it would be parent, grandparent, scientist. Those are the big identities.

M/F, etc, are all secondary. If some magic were to happen and I woke up as a genetic female tomorrow, I'd be "whatever". I'd probably wear dresses a lot, and occasionally "cross dress" in 3-piece men's suits or the like. But I'd still identify as those other things.

If I had to answer something in the gender space, it would be either "male with a little bit of femaleness" or "a little bit of female with a lot of maleness". That all leads to the question of "why am I here?" - well, that's simple, I cross dress. When I signed up for the site I was more in the "what's going on with me? am I this? am I that? am I somewhere in between?" kind of space and hoped to get a bit of a sense of direction to start working all that out. I think that it's been an amazing success in that I've come to realize that (to me) it's not that important -- almost, but not quite, as trivial as hair color (ok, that might be a little overly simplified). I realize that for many other people, the question of gender identity is fundamental and critical -- and it's reading those accounts that have led me to realize that my gender id is not that fundamental to me.

Sometimes I feel this way, sometimes that, and it's comforting to conform to how I feel ... but if I don't, it's no big deal either.

So why do I cross dress then? I think a lot is that it acknowledges & accepts & comforts my female bits. Even though I am physically deep in the closet, psychologically, to me, I am out and not denying/fighting/...

Hope that helps &
Thanks for letting me rant
Fran

p.s. I hope no one takes my general thought that gender identity is "no big deal" as applying to anyone but me ... the fact that it _is_ a big deal to so many/all of _you_ serves as fine examples against which I can judge myself. -- fran

[franlee]

I am a straight male that enjoys a vivid imagination and indulging myself in my fantasies and desires. So to explain this is simple I learned many years ago I only need to be me and that is who I am no matter what I'm doing or wearing.

[Krea]

I don't know exactly where i fit into the spectrum.:confused:
I don't want to transition but neither do i identify with traditional masculine streotypes. I guess these days i think of myself as gender-blurred, or perhaps gender-indifferent. The best i can do is just be the person i wanna be, whatever that is....

[LelaK]

I feel that I'm a "feminine" angel in human disguise.

[Chloe_S]

Male
I just happen to also wear women's clothes.

[Robbin_Sinclair]

Hi Kimberly Jean! for me, I never thought of myself as a woman. Or being in the wrong body etc. I am male.
But.... on the inside, I can definitely put myself as somewhere in the middle. I don't feel I'm one or the other, but more a little of both. Some days I'm more male, some not so much. I see it as constantly moving, like a seesaw or the waves of an ocean. Sometimes it's difficult to keep up, and I do struggle with it from time to time.

Hi ... I think that says it best for me too. When I first joined this site, i had more questions about being a man who struggled to be some sterotype of what was around me. It sort of Chicago/Italian family man but my family were above being part of the neighborhood. This was my concept of what I had to contend with to be successful where I lived.

A lot has passed since the old days but I am always thinking of the manly things I did to fit in. I’d love to shave fully and not have to play a role but I can’t. And that’s okay.

I’ve been a woman many times in life. Not sure when but part of me was always on the bottom for a long period of time. It feels very comfortable to be. It always did.

AND I’ve learned to smile! Thanks CDdotcom. ❤️❤️〰️robbin

PS Thanks for the nice question. Mississippi. Someday I want to go there for the banjo music ... to play and look like Meridith Moon. What a dream. ~by XX

[rockerreds]

Trans Female, because I should have been born a girl.

[Pixie_94]

I don't understand. I don't identify.

[Robertacd]

I identify as Transgender because drag or drab, I am a GM that always feels like a woman and I always have since I was like 10 years old.

[Kalisopwith]

I think I am closer to a dual personality.... but not in a strange way. I have a male personality and a female one. :)

[April Rose]

Growing up in the 50's &60's we didn't have the concepts of bi gendered or gender fluid. Even transgender(transsexualism in those days) wasn't much on the radar. You were either male or female or queer. I spent much of my early life trying to prove to myself I wasn't the latter. This made me a more timid, secretive and introverted person than I probably would have been otherwise.

Now, at 69 I know I am not a woman; My body dysphoria is not strong enough to make me think about transitioning after a lifetime of conforming to the social expectations of a male bodied person. On the other hand, I feel no real identification with maleness, other than habituation. I have some feminine hobbies, but almost any hobby nowadays can really be seen as androgynous. I dress in woman's clothing most days, but it's not just about the clothes. I am married for 40 years to a woman, and at her request I don't go out dressed.

So, I guess, bi gendered, gender fluid, or agender. I'm coming to the concept late in life, so I guess I'll just let the pronoun issue slide.

[Angie G]

I'm a Crossdresser. I have no idea why but glad I'm like I am. :hugs:
Angie

[Manasi]

It's an interesting question, and one that most friends ask when I come out to them. I guess the short answer is non-binary or gender-fluid.

Earlier, when I only dressed in private and kept it a secret from everyone, I felt the need to be a girl constantly. As I started coming out to more friends, having conversations about girls' stuff, and going out in public, the frequency of wanting to be a girl has become less, but it's still there. Given a choice, would I be a guy at all? If I could switch at will, I think I would choose to be a guy about half the time, and a girl half the time. I don't see that happening outside of science fiction or fantasy, though!

[Michelle]

Personally, I know I am both male and female currently in a male body. I love clothes and in particular female clothes as it helps me express.
I know I don't want to be a woman fully and I am not a man fully. But having both parts is a awesome gift! so cool to go either way - no boundaries:)

[Heidi Stevens]

I am Transgender. No matter my outside appearance, inside I am female. I present as a male for my wife and her world. I am happy as I am and feel no need to upset any carts that don’t need overturning.

[Hogrom]

I'm just myself. Which means, I like sometimes to dress as a woman, but I feel like I'm still a man (or genderless).

I use my male voice, no fake breast...I don't feel the need to force on aspect I do not like.

However, I don't dislike when someone use Miss towards men, since I take this as a form of respect.

[josie_S]

I think I am closer to a dual personality.... but not in a strange way. I have a male personality and a female one. :)

what Kali said ����

I feel totally different when I'm all made up. I love it :)

[Melissa_Me]

I'm a man in a man's body.
But I love the variety of clothes on offer to women and how just simply changing from daytime underwear into a sexy thong or a classy dress can change your mood.

I love dressing and the fun it brings but I'll always be a man.
Xxx

[Cristy2]

I was born into a religious culture where if it hangs you are a man and if it doesn't you are a woman, no questions about it. However growing up, I always knew I was different from the boys and many of them knew it too. I was severally bullied as a child by other boys (and even some of my own family) because I hated most boy type activities and was drawn to girl activities though I dared not to partake in many due to the repercussions that would have came from the bullies, family, and church. Then from my late teens until my early forties, I buried myself into every kind of guy or manly thing that I could bury myself into tying to hide from what I knew I really was inside. Then a dear friend (known here as Christinac) came out to me as being trans and began to transition and that encouraged me to, instead of hiding what I am, explore what I really am. I still not a hundred percent "out" yet, but I am not hiding as much as I once was too.

[Patience]

How I identify?

I check my underwear, of course!

[Stephanie47]

I'm a guy who likes to wear women's clothing sometimes. Frankly, I don't know how a woman is suppose to think anyway. I use to think being a combat infantryman, combat helicopter pilot or a combat jet pilot was exclusively man's work. Not anymore. And, being a nurse was exclusively women's work. Not anymore. I have to chuckle a lot when I see guys puffing out their chests and acting "all manly" but when their wives show up it's a lot of "yes dear." There's entirely too much "I must conform to some role" going around. I don't believe having a desire to wear women's clothing necessarily equates to being a woman or wanting to be a woman. I am totally content being who I am. I do agree there are men and women who are "wired" in a way that is contrary to the expected norms of society.

I'm happy your mother was a strong positive role model. My mother was a total bitch. She was an example of a person I strive to not emulate.

[Angela Marie]

We all exist on a male/female spectrum to varying degrees. Most lean exclusively one way or another. I have always felt that I had more feminine characteristics than most men and thus find it easier mentally and emotionally to present myself in that manner at times. But bottom line I still am a man who is comfortable with his female persona.

[rian]

I always wanted when Im in a man mode ...to dress up as a woman and enjoy being a real woman all the time .....sometimes when Im working at the office , wild thoughts come to me imaginning myself as a woman surrounded by lovely ladies chating together and enjoying ourselves ...wearing lingeries having fun together .....so a large part of me is screaming to be a woman all the time .....Yet reality is bonding us to be who we are forced to be ....

[Jenn26]

Love love love ShelbyDawn's response:) It's perfect and I identify with it 100%,

I could and would never pass as a female, but I still feel in my soul that I would love to.

[ShelbyDawn]

Jenn,

We are all on this forum for a ton of reasons. Whether we admit it or not, I believe one of them is that, at some point, there is one thing we need to hear or one thing we have to say that someone needs to hear, there is one lesson that we either need to teach or be taught, there is one gift of kindness we need to give or receive and we never know what it will be, so we keep sharing.

Thank you for validating that for me.

[abbiedrake]

What Stephanie said. Especially about my mother. 😁

[Anne E]

I haven't found a label that doesn't come with some expectations that make me feel uncomfortable. Clearly I am most comfortable somewhere between the binary poles. I am just me.

Anne

[CynthiaD]

I’m a woman. I’ve cross dressed since I was 3, and always wanted to wear girly clothes and present as female. When I was in high school I decided to give up the girly stuff and learn to be like all the other boys, which I did for a while. I learned to act male, but it was always an act. It was like walking a tightrope. If I didn’t watch myself all the time, I’d start acting girly. But if I wasn’t careful I’d carry the act too far and turn everyone off. Now that I’ve finally accepted myself for who I really am, the act is much easier. It’s much easier to carry on an act when you know you’re just acting.

Now, I have a few male obligations which I acquired by spending many years pretending to be male. I occasionally dress in male clothing to meet these obligations, but I’m working toward the day when I can dress normally 24/7. I’m old, and not in the best of health, so a physical transition is not in the cards. I wish I had “woken up” much earlier. If I had, I definitely would have transitioned in my 20s. In fact, my favorite fantasy is imagining what my life would have been like as a physical female. Needless to say, I spend most of my time fully en femme, living the life I was meant to live. I love being a woman.

I don’t have the slightest idea why I feel the way I do. I just know my feelings are right for me. And I respect all of your feelings, regardless of what they may be.

[Seana Summer]

I am a man. I was born male and will be till the end.

I like to wear nylons and tights and dresses and skirts and heels and sweaters and tops and lately jewelry.......occasionally. I find that my mannerisms don't change much when I am dressed, I don't become another person. The only thing that I am aware of that changes when I am dressed is that I cross my legs more often when sitting.

I can not explain why I like to wear women's clothing, it will remain one of the great mysteries of my time

I am me.

[ChubbyLeahCD]

So it took me a long time to figure out how I identify but with my counselor I was able to figure it out.
First of all, it’s believed that crossdressers are in the trans spectrum, so I’m trans though I have no desire to ever become a woman.
I am a man, with manly desires and manly likes. I have a very strong feminine side who is more sensitive, creative kind of and who loves feeling cute.
I can feel feminine even when I’m not dressed like a girl. My counselor has noticed that I’m more in touch with my feelings as a girl than as a man. Probably because I’m closeted and am afraid of showing my sensitive side because it could out me.
So I consider myself gender fluid. I’m a bisexual gender fluid crossdresser

[Keira Bea]

Male..at least for now. I assumed crossdressing was part of the transgender umbrella but now I’m not so sure. It is a gender transition of sorts I suppose hence the conflict. But I have so many deep psychological issues and past traumas that I feel that I just want to escape from it all by being someone else entirely now, someone hopefully more likeable like a fresh start. I know that may not sound like a very good reason to physically transition properly if I ever decide to. Dressing to look like a female only at least gives me some escape route though.

Friends, family and colleagues finally know I CD, and often go out dressed, although mainly in jeggings for now until people feel comfy enough around me. I feel a new found sense of freedom, and I love it.

I haven’t ruled out HRT in the future though yet may not have the full surgery (likely not), and if I decide even just HRT then only then I will consider me as transgender female, although I like women. I really am still figuring me out. Well I accept now that I was always a little screwed up since I was little.

So I feel I am getting to a point of acceptance of my screwy life, where I am now becoming more bold and fearless to an extreme after living in fear and lonely depressing misery for too long. I feel that I am becoming more confident for it. But for now I am CD, which I am becoming more and more full time with.

[sarah_hillcrest]

When the term transgender started going mainstream it was a big revelation to me, and even more when I started thinking of gender more as a spectrum and less as a binary. I'd always assumed that sex and gender wore pretty much the same thing.

My biological sex is male. I'm heterosexual.

My gender is probably most accurately described as GF or Gender Fluid, but I sometimes get this confused with Sissy.

Why gender fluid? When I was a kid I was happy to play with my trucks, I wanted boy toys, I watched GI-Joe. I secretly wanted a cabbage patch kid, I wanted to play with dress up paper dolls, I wanted a carebear and I wanted to watch rainbow brite, but I didn't do any of these things because I knew that they were wrong. As I got a little older and started having younger cousins I wanted to rock them to sleep and change their diapers, but instead I pretended like i was way to much of a boy for that. When the girls at church formed a clogging group and wore big frilly dresses with petticoats and danced I wanted to join them.

All the while I was happy to be who I was, I just wished I could be a girl too.

I often think if I had the opportunity to express myself openly as more feminine I would probably start identifying more as a transgender woman.

[Becky Blue]

Interesting thread, I am genetically a male, father and husband BUT inside I am mostly female. I greatly enjoy presenting as female whenever possible but I do not need to, to be her...

Interesting to note how many posters say straight male - for those of you who may wonder sexual attraction has nothing to do with gender.. specially around this forum you don't have to worry, none of us think you are gay because you crossdress.

[Micki_Finn]

Turns out I am a Drag Queen! Sure the dressing is fun in and of itself, but for me it’s really about the fashion, the spectacle, the performance, soft sculpture, drama, and being seen.

[Kaylin]

Very interesting thread. I never fully understood the difference in alot of things surrounding terms, of what Crossdressing or Trans meant until maybe this last year. After chatting and reading on here. I finally understood alot more. Even though I been crossdressing since I was a child. I am a straight and married. I identify myself as a crossdresser, or a sissy I guess you could call it. Have no desire to become a women, just really enjoy dressing up.

[GeorgeA]

I am a man. I was born male and will be till the end.

I like to wear nylons and tights and dresses and skirts and heels and sweaters and tops and lately jewelry.......occasionally. I find that my mannerisms don't change much when I am dressed, I don't become another person. The only thing that I am aware of that changes when I am dressed is that I cross my legs more often when sitting.

I can not explain why I like to wear women's clothing, it will remain one of the great mysteries of my time

I am me.

I am like that too. Except for heels & jewellery: I don't care for either.
I am a man who likes to wear nylons, lingerie, skirts but I have no feminine feelings or behaviour. I am all man, except for the clothes I wear.

[HelpMe,Rhonda]

I am a man. I was born male and will be till the end.

I like to wear nylons and tights and dresses and skirts and heels and sweaters and tops and lately jewelry.......occasionally. I find that my mannerisms don't change much when I am dressed, I don't become another person. The only thing that I am aware of that changes when I am dressed is that I cross my legs more often when sitting.

I can not explain why I like to wear women's clothing, it will remain one of the great mysteries of my time

I am me.

This is me, except I've always crossed my legs in a female way and wonder if that's a tell. And wonder how much of my personality traits came along for the ride.