Have a good day...sir!

[Lana Mae]

I went out as Lana Mae to try to find a jar opener! (No luck!) I got a nice smile from one lady leaving Roses! I went to Penneys and as I left I got, " have a good day...sir! Giggles from two employees! I just moved on and thought, OK, you will be out of a job within a month so I won't go anywhere with this!(Store is closing Early July!) Did I let it bother me? NO! I just moved on! It was time for lunch so I went home for lunch! In a little while, I am going back out as Lana Mae and do some window shopping! Get out there and don't let others ruin your day! You have a right to be out there! Hugs Lana Mae

LOL Well, I missed an opportunity! I could have come out at work! LOL They called and the nurse working had a family emergency! they said come the way you are! Well, I was dressed as Lana Mae-wig, forms and make up! I just cracked up after hanging up the phone! LM

[Becoming Brianna]

Great story Lana Mae! You handled that beautifully and did it perfectly. I had a similar experience at a restaurant last weekend. I went out in kind of a mixed presentation (at my father's request) and got giggles and we somehow had like three different waitresses. I had read it as them just being super attentive and friendly but my father said they weren't. Partially I blame him. If I hadn't been out in a mixed presentation maybe I wouldn't have been such a spectacle but that's okay. I didn't let it bother me either. That's what we need to do to be out just as you said in my thread where I got read! Keep going out and being you Lana Mae!

[Rachael Leigh]

Look if others out there think it’s easy what we do out in the real world presenting as female then they have never experienced just what you did Lana, and correctly you should not let it bother you or even respond to such folks who don’t
respect you. To many people think being out take courage and to some extent it does but I always try and hold my head high always act like I belong ( Which we do) and move on just be you and be real

[Amelie]

I would have done like the three stooges and poked him in the eyes.

But you did better Lana, probably a lot better than what I would have done.

Keep your head high.

[Helen_Highwater]

Lana Mae,

It goes with the turf. There will always be either infantile's or knuckle dragging neanderthals out there in that we're going to come into contact with.

I've had the "Thanks mate" or "Thanks buddy" said pointedly as well as being served by multiple waiting staff going to "See the tranny" no doubt. I'm not going to let anything such as those bother me. The problem's theirs, not mine.

[Micki_Finn]

They’ll be out of a job soon but I still would have gotten them fired. Laid off=unemployment. Fired=bupkis. People need to learn there are consequences to their actions.

[Lana Mae]

Brianna: Yes, we must persevere inspite of adversity! Always upward and forward!
Rachael: Those people are not worth my time! I put them behind me and remember the lady with the smile! She probably read me but she just smiled and went on about her own business!
Amelie: Holding your head up is part of being a lady!
Helen: You said a mouthful! LOL And you are right!
Mikki: Not worth my time or effort! I believe in Karma and as they say here, " What goes around, comes around!"
Thank you ladies for your replies!
Hugs Lana Mae

[GracieRose]

You took the high road Lana.
I had a similar thing happen a few months ago. As I was leaving Dollar Tree after paying, the clerk (who had seen my male name on my credit card) said "have a nice day Mr. ------" (my male first name). I turned, smiled and said "You have a nice day too". Then I kept on walking out to the car.

[Jodie_Lynn]

I have been "sir'd", twice.
Both by female sales clerks/cashiers.

The first time, I blushed furiously and quietly completed my transaction.

The second time, my Irish was up, and I responded, sotto voice, "Who did your surgery? I'd swear you were a natural born female!" The look on the b-iotches face was priceless, and I swear, I thought she was having an embolism right there!

Was it petty of me? Maybe, but I walked out with my head held high, and the chuckles from the crowd were worth it

[alwayshave]

Lana Mae, Who cares what a couple of troglodytes say. I had a waiter say while in femme, "what would you like man". I know it wasn't mean spirited, but it still hurt, but I just let it go.

[Aunt Kelly]

They’ll be out of a job soon but I still would have gotten them fired. Laid off=unemployment. Fired=bupkis. People need to learn there are consequences to their actions.

My vindictive streak is wide and I must admit that I'd be sorely tempted to do just that; get the morons fired. It would be a tussle though, with my cynical streak, who would be arguing that even if I did bring about that result, they'd never learn a thing from it. In the end, my lazy streak would win - "Not worth it. Let's go."

[mattea]

Lana Mae, You said it, hold your head up and move on. My wife has adopted the phrase "Tits up!" from the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, and when we are out and it seems like there maybe an issue she will whisper it or say it, and we basically put our heads up and chests out and move on!

They will get their come uppins one of these days, people like that never learn from direct confrontation no matter how good it feels to tell someone off. Its my opinion that we can't fight hate with additional hatred of our own.

Much Love and Respect!!

Mattea

[Leelou]

You did great, Lana Mae. I've been fortunate that I haven't been called sir, man, or dude when out dressed. But I'm sure it might happen some day. So thanks to everyone that has shared their experiences. I've been read as a CD for sure, but I haven't had mean-spirited transactions yet.

It's bullying, really. And bullies have their own issues. They need to feel superior to make up for their own problems.

[Helen_Highwater]

I know the temptation is to react, to get employees disciplined or fired. The problem I have with that is it creates foe not friend.

Think about it. If someone got you fired you're not going to say "oh well never mind". If you thought badly of someone prior to that you're going to think even less favourable of them after.

For me there's three possible courses of action. One, ignor and move on. Two, in your calmest most polite voice say, " Excuse me but I and others in the community who present as female would greatly appreciate the kindness of being referred to by using a female or neutral pronoun". "Afterall, good manners cost nothing do they?". "I trust I can count on your future cooperation, thank you".

Third and last I would ask to speak to a supervisor and again calmly explain the situation and suggest a quiet word with the employee wouldn't go amiss. I would also say that I didn't consider it so serious that the employee should face any discipline. It's just a training issue. Afterall, it could be something they need to bring to the attention of all their staff.

Being nice works better than being nasty. Carry people with you, don't try to force them along. One volunteer is worth 10 conscripts.

[Debs]

I would have had a word with the manager and explainded I was in the middle of the change, and please could he/she educate there staff to be mindful when dealing with possible transgenger issues, as there is consequences to the confidence of the person involved, and this could be reported to head office in future.

[Rogina B]

Even the most "stealthy" trans person can get a mean jab if outed.If anyone here needs some skin thickening exercise,try going into trade supply businesses at 7:30 in the morning. Fox News is blaring away and all the butt crack tradesmen are milling around to be waited on..Great stage to brush up your presentation..And there is no complaining that would ever result in a reprimand....they feel good after giving a jab or two... Not everywhere and not every part of the country for sure. This is exactly where credit cards in your female name often wake people up to the fact that it isn't a dress up game for you...

[Ressie]

I'd go up to the biggest of the two and put him in a head lock. Then I'd get his buddy to take a photo with his phone and instagram it. OK, I guess that would be overreacting but wouldn't that be great?

[abbiedrake]

I agree with Mattea and even more so with Helen.We shouldn't meet hate with hate. It only entrenches ignorant attitudes.
Does that mean I'll keep my smart yap shut when I finally venture out? Probably not. I find such things hard to dismiss. It's one of those things where I'm far too convinced I'm on the side of right. I tend not to let my principles slide.
I'd likely say something that passes the victim by while opening them to the same ridicule they hoped to inflict. It's barely even a sport with that level of competition.

Lana Mae, sadly, in my experience Karma is a bitch because she so seldom pays up. Justice, of any kind, much less natural justice, is just too often absent.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Lana;

Not surprising . In 2014 JC Penney's Ron Johnson a GLBT friendly CEO was replaced by the former CEO who was decidedly not GLTB friendly. He rolled back a lot of policy's including bathroom neutral policy, employee manual verbiage affirming support for GLBT employees. SO that it's employees reflect his corporate culture is not surprising. Stores that can't adapt to changing markets wither and expire.

Be of good cheer, there is always Ross's and the Dress Barn that always welcome our community.

You were definitely a classy lady in your response.

[kimdl93]

handled everything well, LM.

[Shelly Preston]

I am not sure I could have been as calm Lana.

If you had been quick thinking you could have said its that kind of attitude that gets a store closed down.

[Teresa]

Lana,
There's always the possibilty the two SAs are just teed off with being made redundent and might be taking underhand pots at other people . I admit it's no excuse and it shouldn't have happened but still not much you could have done about it as they are losing their jobs anyway .

I'm half way through my second year of going full time and consider myself lucky I've not been called out at all . I did have to smile a couple of days ago when I returned a cutain material sample to a department store , the desk was unattended but an employee said she would call someone for me , I heard her shout , " I have a lady here who wishes to return a sample " The reply came back , " Ask her to leave it on my desk with her name and address " .

[Allisa]

Lana, Lana, Lana it's going to happen and I usually just answer with my "macho" voice with a pleasant response that a woman would give as I saunter away secure in my knowledge that I am being true to myself. I give them something to talk about, now they know we are out there, like it or not.

[Lana Mae]

Gracie Rose: Yes! Rise above the pettiness!
Jodie_Lynn: What ever works for you!
Jamie: I feel for you! So far only sirred!
Aunt Kelly: Yes, it is not worth my time or effort!
Mattea: Meeting hatred with hatred just breeds more hatred!
Leelou: Yes and they usually have plenty of issues of their own!
Helen: Yes, if we can get corporate on our side then things will be different! Things are slowly changing!
Debs: I like your response!
Ro: That is on my list when and if I change my name!
Ressie: Sounds great except the clerks involved were teen to twenty something females! No quite appropriate!
Abbie: I will PM you a true story of Karma and how quick it can occur!
Kelly: No Dressbarn here! Ross is a joke here-poorly stocked! I did not know that about Penneys!
Kim: Thanks very much!
Shelly: Actually, my first thoughts were to ask what gave me away! I walked past them twice, but never spoke!
Teresa: As I said, it is not my first time being sirred and probably won't be my last! LOL
Allisa: I suppose I was the subject of conversation at two supper tables! LOL

Thanks ladies for your responses!
Hugs Lana Mae

[mykell]

one time when picking up adult beverages i got carded, in my fifties and look it either way, never good to get that thrown in your face, the only response i ever thought would be overtly and proper would be "for the last time NO! i will not give you my phone number" :devil: works both ways, man, women, whomever :o

[Eemz]

Been there, yep. Nice evening out, go to the counter to pay. "Here's your change. MATE". Slams money on counter.

I just remap it in my brain to "Here's your change, and btw I am a f-ing a-hole and I know it". OK, good to know. Thanks for that. I wasn't sure, but now you've cleared that up nicely.

[Ressie]

Ressie: Sounds great except the clerks involved were teen to twenty something females! No quite appropriate!

In that case I might respond: "You boys have fun". But I think you did the noble thing. We are gonna get giggles and misgendered every now and then. We can't control others and it's something we have to expect.

[Tracy Irving]

Well played, Lana Mae.

I repeatedly hear women being misgendered. Well, almost. Watch any television show or listen to a random conversation on the street and you will hear them being referred to as "guys". It is as if the word has transcended gender and become synonymous with anyone / everyone. Maybe "guys" is being used as a plural for "you"?

Not the same as "sir" but still bothersome, to me anyway.

[GracieRose]

"guys". It is as if the word has transcended gender and become synonymous with anyone / everyone. Maybe "guys" is being used as a plural for "you"?

Not the same as "sir" but still bothersome, to me anyway.
Guilty as charged. (I'll apologize in advance, Tracy)
I have often used the term to refer to a group of people, male, female or mixed, without thinking about it. I use it as a non-gender specific reference without thinking of the actual definition.
Over the years, I have coached girl's soccer teams and I often called out things like "OK guys we're going to do this drill" or "over here , guys" without giving it a second thought. I once realized how it might be interpreted, and I told the girls that I did not mean to infer that they were boys when I called them guys and asked if I had offended anyone. No one said yes, but I suspect that I had offended any of them, they would not have spoken up to the coach. I occasionally referred to them as 'ladies", but that seemed too gender specific and 'guys' sounded more gender neutral to me.
I see it as the same problem with the gender specific pronouns in the English language (and most other languages). I'd love to use gender neutral pronouns, but most of the attempts to remove gender from pronouns sounds awkward to me. I will probably continue to use "guys" until I hear a better alternative. I'd welcome a better alternative.
-peace
-Gracie

[abbiedrake]

I've checked. Most dictionaries definitions indicate 'guys' to be non-gender specific.
So you're fine, Gracie

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lana Mae :hugs:, You just can't fix Stupid !! >Orchid .oO:daydreaming:Oo.

[Karmen]

I know how you feel. It happened to me too when I went out in public fully dressed and past strangers or interacted with people. I have strong male facial features and wide shoulders and even make up and clothes can't hide that. I was also addressed as men a few times and some people occasionally laughed at me and finger pointed. Usually drunk people, because I go out fully dressed mostly at night. It was embarrassing, but I lived through.

[Lana Mae]

Mykell: I am one of those that thinks of all that after the fact!
Eemz: Well, she sure proved it!
Ressie: Yes, I have resigned my self to that fact but won't let it stop me or get me down-I consider the source! And...since there really isn't one of importance ignore it!
Tracy: Guy/guys gets used with both genders! Since I was a little kid I remember it being used for both!
Gracie: I am not a linguist and have nothing to offer as an alternative! Sorry!
Abbie: Thanks for that!
Orchid: You are right!
Karmen: Not sure how your country is with LGBTQ issues but I am proud of you getting out there! Be careful!
Thanks ladies for your responses!
Hugs Lana Mae

[Karmen]

Thanks! It's not dangerous or anything like that, but most of the people still don't consider crossdressing normal behaviour and some of them openly making fun of you when they see you.

[mykell]

Mykell: I am one of those that thinks of all that after the fact!

lana we have that in common then, i just thought of that this year, the incident occurred two years ago, talk about slow with witty retorts :o

[docrobbysherry]

If it didn't bother u, why did u mention it, Lana Mae?

I have a mirror, I'm a man in a dress to most people. As long as folks r polite and helpful? I take every, "Have a good day, sir", in the spirit in which it's given!:thumbsup:

[abbiedrake]

Hey Lana thanks for being so conscientious in replying. I much prefer it when threads have back and forth conversation rather than 30 people giving their opinion on the OP and not giving a hoot/replying to any other people's posts.
Say hi to your lovely wife for us.

[donnalee]

A good response depends on the gender of the offending party. To a woman, say "Thank you, Sir!"; to a man "Thank you Ma'am!". If they're going to missgender you, certainly they deserve the same treatment.

[Lana Mae]

Karmen: Generally it is safe to go out in the daytime or to a safe venue at night with others!
Mykell: Yeah, I have always been that way! I think of great come backs but like the next day!
Sherry: It did not bother me, I was just relating that it was really nothing and possibly encouraging others to get out there!
Abbie: Yes, I enjoy the back and forth in some threads as well! Abbie, my wife is with Jesus now for 3 years!
Donnalee: That thought crossed my mind, later that night! Always slow to think of retorts! LOL
Thanks ladies for your responses!
Hugs Lana Mae

[abbiedrake]

Sowwy! My bad.

[Karmen]

Lana Mae: In Slovenia, I think the worst thing that can happen is to get beaten or robbed and even that is not very likely if you stay in safe neighbourhood and city centres. Most likely you would just get harassed by some drunk people if you go out alone during the night. And even that only if you're unlucky.

[Eemz]

I take every, "Have a good day, sir", in the spirit in which it's given!

Yes that’s exactly what I meant too. If the intent is deliberately to try and hurt and/or embarrass a complete stranger, then I take that as a simple statement that the person is an a-hole and treat them the way they have asked to be treated.

If there’s no intent then yes I take that at face value the way it was meant. I don’t think I fool anyone so I assume anyone saying ma’am is just being nice but I’ll take that too.

[CynthiaD]

I occasionally get “sired” in female mode, but not often. There’s only one thing you can do: ignore it. Just pretend it didn’t happen, and act as feminine as possible.