Wanted to apporach

[Debra Russell]

but I was a little at a loss of what to feel or what to do or say if anything. I just left my usual morning coffee shop and a while before I was getting ready to leave I observed a young man 30+ (young to me anyway) -long blond ponytail, very nice scoop neck colorful blouse, leggings and pink tennis shoes, no makeup. Now he presented as a female - in clothing only; he sat at a table splay legged and looked very connected to his smart phone and kind of depressed. I guess I am writing this because if I am out I am fully enveloped in trying to appear and act feminine. I know others have been in similar situations. He just looked so bewildered but I thought if I approached for polite conversation it might be uncomfortable.

So what do you think might have been an appropriate thing to do or say - I was stymied, maybe if I were dressed it might not been as awkward ………………………………..Debra

[Rachael Leigh]

I would think a simple complement on what they were wearing is always a great start but yes it’s hard to know for sure

[Eemz]

I don't have any advice but I hear you. I was at a pharmacy in a nearby small town and the young SA who served me was obviously GM but wearing the same uniform as the GGs plus makeup and dyed blonde hair. I had the impression this was fairly new because she looked a bit stressed and hair looked like she had started to grow it out but not too long ago. I was really impressed, especially in such a small town and wanted to say something encouraging, but I was looking about as far from femme as possible after working on a boat engine all morning in dirty jeans and a baseball cap, and also had about 30 years on her. The last thing I wanted was to come across as some sort of weirdo tranny fancier; as if her life wasn't hard enough.

So I decided the best thing to do was completely ignore all of this and just be a person in a shop buying something from the SA, which I presume is exactly what she wanted in the end of the day.

[mykell]

so many times ive had that feeling, i always let it go even when its obviosly a man in a dress, im someone who works in the public and will pick on someone with the wrong team jersey on and have a little conversation but i wont do it with our community so im not wrong,....."whens the due date" comes to mind, or they just want to be left alone and enjoy theyre time out, a day may come when i could find a way to approach that situation, for the time being ill stick with my failure to launch way....

[Micki_Finn]

If nothing appropriate to say leaps immediately to mind, then there really isn’t anything TO say. At that point, you’re literally just forcing conversation with a stranger.

When I spot a sister “in the wild” I’ll usually break the ice by complimenting something they’re wearing that’s nice or a nifty makeup color they’re using or whatnot, but this works for me because fashion is both a hobby and an occupation for me.

But I’ve said before, I’d the only thing you have in common is that you’re both wearing dresses, then you don’t really have anything in common. I understand the urge, but you do t need to talk to every CD and trans person you see.

[abbiedrake]

Given identical circumstances I wouldn't say anything unless I perceived the person to be particularly upset. You say this person looked kind of depressed. Well I might reach out. But that's just something I would do for another human being, sister or not.

[deebra]

I would say good morning, may I join you if you would like some company. If he said yes then I would compliment him on his clothing and let him know quickly I was also a CD. It could really help his self confidence to be complimented and know there was someone else.