First Regular Outing With My Wife

[Asew]

My wife is accepting of my dressing, but she doesn't want to go out with me dressed and not to dress in our town in fear of bullying of our children. We have only gone out together dressed for two drag shows. Well I said I wanted to go to the running store in a few towns over for some anti-chafing cream and the goodwill next door on my lunch break. Well she said she wanted to go but I was like I kind of wanted to go wearing the dress I was wearing for the day. She said she wasn't ready for going out with me dressed, couldn't I just change so we could both go? I said I kind of was looking forward to going out dressed, but asked if changing into a skirt and t-shirt instead would help. She said she wasn't sure if that would change anything. That she wasn't ready for it and it might take a few more years. And we talked about why she wasn't ready and she was afraid of everyone staring at us. Well I got ready to go and then she decided we could go together since she wanted to go out to the grocery store for donuts (special day of the year where they are making many different varieties). But only it if was one of my denim skirts and not one of the short ones. So I changed and we went out. Went to the running store by myself (since she didn't need anything there). Then we went into goodwill outlet and went our separate ways (me to the women's clothes and her to the kid's clothes). We then met up in the women's clothes since apparently I am slower than her to shop. She found a few baby kids clothes and two books, and I found 2 satin PJ bottoms and a purple pleated skirt (with pockets!) and altogether all 3 of my items only cost $3!. Since there was only a few groups of people in the thrift store it was a great place for her to go with me to help with her anxiety. Then when we got in the car she recommended lunch at the cafe part of the grocery store so we did that, and got 2 dozen donuts (her mother offered to pay for part). Not an issue, people friendly as usual, no staring. I should also mention this grocery cafe is actually the place we got married (it is part of a fancy Wegmans), so this place kind of has a sentimental value for both of us.

I am so happy she took this step.

[Melissa_Me]

Congratulations, that a massive step forward.
Xx

[HannahB]

Great first step!

I never got out much locally for similar reasons, but my wife and I had many fun adventures in some of the surrounding towns dressed as two girls out on a lark.

[Robertacd]

Honestly fear of being stared at are overblown. The times I have been out I saw no staring. Sure I have got a few "looks", eyerolls, and even chuckles.

But I don't let it bother me, because I am not the one who has a problem.

[Micki_Finn]

Congratulations on this step.

[Macey]

Baby steps, and that sounds like a lovely day!

[alwayshave]

Asew, I'm glad you found some acceptance.

[JaclynL61]

Congrats Asew. A huge step.

[abbiedrake]

Wow you are SO lucky!!!



I mean, a pleated skirt with pockets?! What witchcraft is this!

😉

I'm glad you had a nice day.

[KayC]

not to dress in our town in fear of bullying of our children.


Sounds like a very real concern. I'm glad you found a safe way around...

[Palaina Nocturnus]

I'm lucky for 2 reasons, my girlfriend accepts me being a CD and I live in Phoenix. I've been to a few Pride Festivals with her and she always did my makeup and helped with my clothes.

Funny enough tho, our first time going to Pride, I was nervous going out in public in drag. But the first time I dressed up and we went out, I took her to my favorite LGBT bar the Rainbow Cactus (which sadly it has closed) and I wasn't nervous at all.

If I am dressed up I'm usually on high alert for someone who potentially may want to hurt me, so yes there are times I change into "man" clothes lol

[Eemz]

That is so nice Asew. I think it's really great that you were able to say no but in a nice way and that you both reached a compromise where both of your needs were factored in. It sounds like a really good dynamic. So she knows you're listening to her concerns and fears, but you're not just caving, because you have needs too.

> I am so happy she took this step.

Best of luck. It sounds like a great day.

[JenniferLynn0370]

Congratulations!!!

[Rhonda Darling]

Asew:

Now tell us the rest of the story. What was the conversation on the way home, and since? Surely your wife noticed that no one hassled you or stared in a disapproving way. So, what diid she think of the outing.

[Asew]

Robertacd, yeah, I know there is very little staring from going out on my own, but I was concerned about ti when I first started venturing out so I could easily sympathize with her feeling that way too.

abbiedrake, pleats in a skirt are actually a great way to hide pockets. Here is an example of one that is on my to-do list to make:
https://www.reddit.com/r/sewing/comments/9gjzwb/made_a_skirt_with_pockets_as_a_design_feature/

Palaina Nocturnus, I have yet to go to pride (wife was hesitant about me going last year), but possibly will be going this year (our local pride is in about a month). I definitely feel more on alert too when dressed, especially to a new place.

PMEemz, wow you made me realize we have a pretty good dynamic :)

Rhonda Darling, on the ride home I asked how it went and she said something like "not bad". Haven't discussed it since, and seems at least there wasn't a negative association with it. Went back to regular routine. I still feel like this type of outing will be rare and I'm ok with that.

[Lea]

Congratulations. Maybe since things went well she will be more open to another outing.
Except for Halloween my wife and I have never been out. She is supportive but she is worried about what may happen.