Next step? Suggestions?

[Stiletto Gurl]

As some of you may remember that a couple months ago I came out to my wife as being possibly bigender or trans. She was very supportive and even read up on what I had said to be “in the know”. She’s very VERY pro lgbt, and knows that I like to wear nail polish 24/7 on my toes, and occasionally pantyhose. Here’s my question...
Since I opened up to her, I experienced a little buyers remorse in telling her, due to a very hectic and stressful month with non related family stuff. Now that things have settled down, I’m starting to feel more feminine again and want to do something to take the next step. I’m just not sure what is reasonable. Wearing panties? She’s seen me wearing pantyhose, should I start there again and then build up? Should I ask to go to a drag bar in my normal attire so she knows it’s still on my mind?

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

[Tracy Irving]

Your idea of panties is a good one. You can wear them as often as you want and they won't be a visible reminder. Baby steps...

[Micki_Finn]

Why not discuss this with her? If there’s not a particular thing you want to do or try, why not use that as an opening to bring it up with your wife? Something along the lines of “I’ve been wanting to explore my gender feelings, but I’m not sure how far I want to take it. What would you be comfortable with?”

[kimdl93]

I agree with Micki. Just talk to her about it. The doorway is already open for more communication, and she’s shown a willingness to learn. Ask her for her input, discuss your fears and concerns about how she will feel... its not about the garments, its about who you are...and how that revelation affects her perceptions of you and herself.

[Macey]

Micki has it, but think on it a bit. What IS it that you want?

[Teresa]

SG,
We appear to be back to the old question of , " Want and Need " . So the next question is what do you want to build up to ? Others have said ask your wife but she can only be guided by you so the ball is in your court to decide where your CD/ TG needs take you . The clothes are only part of the equation so you must think what drives that need .You talk about being Bi or trans , so again you're posing qusestions about sexuality and gender . Your wife can't answer these questions for you , she can only tell you what she's comfortable with but that still won't answer your questions , it's down to you to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with her .

[Helen_Highwater]

Reading your post it seems you're at the stage of wearing the odd femme item. While I can see that it's a possibility that you could be bi, after all that has nothing to do with clothing, it seems a much bigger leap to think you might be Trans.

Macey makes a good point in asking what is it you want?

It's not uncommon to read here of members who've fully dressed for years either indoors or out and about who struggle with the question of going full time and ultimately going down the Trans path.

If you're seriously thinking being Trans is a possibility then wearing knickers leaves you a long way short.

I would suggest that only once you've been fully enfemme and presenting for the world to see can you consider the question of being Trans.

As I say, bi is different. That's sexual attraction. Trans is gender identity, a different kettle of fish altogether.

[Stiletto Gurl]

Thanks everyone. I think my question has been answered now. I’ve dealt with gender identity issues for almost 40 years. So this is not just a crossdressing issue for me. I explained to her I’ve struggled with it and that’s what she has accepted. Thanks all!

[Maid_Marion]

Drag bar? She isn't a mind reader.

If you want to take next step I'd suggest talking about it with her. You are partners and she should be the first to know!

Underdressing with panties may be something you would enjoy. I often do it at home.

[alwayshave]

Stilleto Gurl, First time my wife went to a drag bar, my supportive wife had a bad reaction. She saw the over the top acting as a threat to her. She knew I didn't act like that when dressed, I am rather demure, but she thought that was how I wanted to act. I'd say panties are a good low key start.

[Tracii G]

Talk with her would be the thing to do.
Micki's statement I agree with.
Drag bar? No please no that makes it sound like you are trolling for sex.

[GretchenM]

I think Micki has an excellent point about discussing it with your wife. I think you should always do that when the subject comes up, but don't press her to discuss it when she doesn't want to. But Macey and Teresa hit it on figuring out what you desire to have. Goals are important as it avoids the random try this and try that. Explore your own feelings and formulate some ideas of what you think you may be seeking. When the opportunity arises, discuss it with your wife and get her thoughts. Nothing like discussing it with someone that is outside your own perceptions to get a read out as to whether your thinking is muddy or not. If you go too fast in the changes you won't have time to adjust to a new approach to see how it works. In my opinion, what you are shooting for should not be a full femme expression. Rather it should be where you are most comfortable and you experience the least amount of discomfort with your state of being relative to your internal gender identity. It may turn out to be that is where you currently are or it could be something much different. Experiments are good, but they should be done with a background image of who you think you are and what your mind is telling you it requires to achieve comfort. Your brain hates conflict and it goes for the stable mode, but finding it is usually a slow and long process. Baby step, test, experience, another step, test, experience. You will find the sweet spot in time. But always keep those communication lines open with your wife. She is needing to change just as you do.

[April Rose]

Talking to her seems to be the consensus, especially since you are not sure what you want to do yourself.

In a way, the fact that you're not really clear about where you want start can be seen as an advantage. IF you can talk it over and both come to a mutual agreement about a comfortable way for you both to proceed, you will be so much ahead of the game in the long run.

[JenniferR771]

This requires a bit of mind-reading. Go slow. Be prepared. Polish you toenails, wear some panties or pantyhose so she can notice. Then read her facial expression. Read her body language. Read her eye rolls.
Many women are highly sensitive about others learning of your fem proclivities. It is likely she will not want others to hear or see--it makes her feel embarrassed in many cases.
Acceptance is a wonderful gift. Do not ever take it for granted. Worship her--she is one in a million. Clean up around the house. She needs new shoes, right? And maybe a new purse--a Gucci, for instance. Take her shopping and buy her something nice in beige, maybe even red--like a Toyota.

[Stiletto Gurl]

Wow! Such awesome suggestions and responses. I think I’ll take everyone’s advice and just let her evolve slowly with baby steps that we are both comfortable with. Instead of trying to hit a grand slam. We go to the salon together and get our pedicures sitting side by side. We have for 10 years now. Then the pantyhose came into play and she never bat an eye. I’ve been wearing men’s bikini underwear for years but always blacks and blues. She suggested some purple or pink ones about a year ago, which I purchased.... but now want to make the swap to women’s panties. I’ll wait to the next conversation she brings up, and ask her thoughts, opinions, questions, limits or concerns, and then take it from there! ��

[Cheryl T]

Communication!!
That is the greatest tool you can use and the one that so many of us ignore at times.

[Maria 60]

I remember and still till today we want it and we want it fast. I found with my wife I had to take it slow and timing is everything. Just take it slow and maybe the panty idea is goo, not so much in her face.

[Tracii G]

Thats how it is these days people want it now and refuse to put any effort in to it.
They expect others to do it for them in many cases.
Some CDs come in here with the idea we achieved all this over night.

[Jenny22]

A suggestion: Buy a couple of PLAIN panties in the colors of your guy stuff (Boy shorts, maybe). Wear them and see if she notices.