My Father's Day

[sarah_hillcrest]

Thanks for reading this, just venting I guess.

My wife and I are unable to have kids (before anyone mentions adoption just know we looked into it and couldn't afford it). This has been really hard for my wife and Mother's Day is her least favorite day of the year. Oddly Father's day has never really got me down, at least not on the surface. Before leaving for work Sunday morning my wife reminded me it was Father's Day and apologized. I was like, oh yeah I should be sad. There are times I feel down about it. Luckily guys don't go on and on about their kids like women tend to do, (according to my wife) but sometimes guys I know start talking about their kids and their eyes glaze over and I realize I'm never going to experience a love like that. It's the only time it really hurts.

This Father's Day I had nothing to do but take my Dad's gift over and spend some time with my parents. My wife asked me the night before what I was going to do and I said, "Trust me you don't want to know,"

"What's that suppose to mean,"

"I'm going to get dressed up real cute and test out our new photo lights."

She rolled her eyes, "Try not to break the camera, and make sure the blinds are down." I had picked up this skirt from Goodwill that I absolutely adore. My goal was to just try looking like a casual chick, the girl next door, and I wanted to go for a younger fun look. Being a father was the farthest thing from my mind.

My wife left reminding me that I was suppose to be sad today, today was a monument to our failure as humans in spreading our genetic material. I sat on the couch and tried to feel... something. Am I a bad person? I would love to have kids, but I don't, and I don't feel bad about it. Five minutes later I was painting my fingernails bubble gum pink.

I planned to visit my parents around 11, but time flies when you're having fun and it was noon and I was still taking photos. Eventually I found a white fitted T that I'd bought on clearance for 1 dollar and never worn. That was me, the skirt with a little rainbow down the side and the white shirt. "This isn't who I want to be, this is who I am," I said those words to the mirror. I was sorely tempted to go shave my legs and arms. I shaved my legs last summer and no one seemed to notice, but I chickened out this time.

It was 1 PM and I was watching my face run down the bathtub drain. Now I feel bad. I had a great afternoon visiting with my parents and felt much better.

[Joyce Swindell]

Father or not makes no difference. I'm a father of one and a step father of two. I did get a call from my daughter who lives in Ohio. We had a nice conversation and caught up on a few things. Other than that our plans were my wife and step daughter made breakfast for me, dad and stepdaughter's huband. We visited a bit and done. No big deal. We were going to do a movie but my wife wasn't feeling well so I went on my own to get a pedicure and I did a little shopping in the center next to the nail place, had lunch and then back home.

I feel that honoring our parents on a particular day is more of a "Hallmark Holiday" than anything. Don't get me wrong parents should be honored but more in everyday life than once a year.

So no worries if you don't have kids to celebrate you. Celebrate yourself... you deserve it for so many other reasons.

[Robertacd]

My wife left reminding me that I was suppose to be sad today, today was a monument to our failure as humans in spreading our genetic material.

Neither of you should feel that way.

[kimdl93]

Don’t feel bad about not replicating DNA. The minuscule differences between yours, mine and the other 7+ billion of us won’t make one bit of difference in the survival of our species. But, if you want to be a parent, do so in a way that really matters...there are dozens of ways...be a mentor to a kid, sponsor a family, read at the library...use your imagination. Fathering...parenting is really about what happens long after conception and the lasting impact isn’t in the strands of twisted pairs of protein, but in lives.

[sarah_hillcrest]

I feel that honoring our parents on a particular day is more of a "Hallmark Holiday" than anything. Don't get me wrong parents should be honored but more in everyday life than once a year.

So no worries if you don't have kids to celebrate you. Celebrate yourself... you deserve it for so many other reasons.

Thanks! I agree with you on Hallmark Holiday thing.


Neither of you should feel that way.

I know, but it's hard not to. Not having kids of our own is like we never really grew up. We still live like we did when we were 23, we got married at 20. It's like this big slice of life is just not there for us. Most people our age life's revolve around their kids.


Don’t feel bad about not replicating DNA. The minuscule differences between yours, mine and the other 7+ billion of us won’t make one bit of difference in the survival of our species. But, if you want to be a parent, do so in a way that really matters...there are dozens of ways...be a mentor to a kid, sponsor a family, read at the library...use your imagination. Fathering...parenting is really about what happens long after conception and the lasting impact isn’t in the strands of twisted pairs of protein, but in lives.

Good advice thanks, seriously the survival of our species would probably be more assured if we cut back on replicating DNA! LOL It's a biological imperative to pass down YOUR DNA, mine stops with me. But I've been thinking the same thing you're thinking lately. In the last year or so when I've had opportunities to make a difference I've tried to take them.

[Robertacd]

Not having kids of our own is like we never really grew up. We still live like we did when we were 23, we got married at 20. It's like this big slice of life is just not there for us. Most people our age life's revolve around their kids.


Sometimes I would rather have this sticker on my vehicle
305104

But I kind of know what you mean. Most of our friends still have young children because we don't hang out with old people like us :p

[sarah_hillcrest]

Sometimes I would rather have this sticker on my vehicle
305104

But I kind of know what you mean. Most of our friends still have young children because we don't hang out with old people like us :p

That's so funny because one of the things people tell us is, "Look at the bright side, you can travel, see the world, you have way more money and freedom." They obviously haven't our bank account LOL. And our cats can't stand to be home alone for more then a couple days.

Still luckily for me, I'm pretty accepting of things I cannot change. We tried treatment and it didn't work. Luckily every year I think it gets a bit easier for my wife.