Feeling Needy

[abbiedrake]

Hi all, I know I've been a little quiet of late. That's been both by accident and design.
Wifeling emphatically asked for a 'break' until she's through breast cancer. Not being a complete *******, I agreed but made clear I wanted to return to the issue later.
So... I've not participated here as much as I normally would. You ladies are a bad influence, reading of where you are in your journies was making my own aching worse.
Today, abstinence became a little too much and I slipped on some favourite underwear and some bangles (stopped short of a dash of lippy) then sat down (in between bouts of staving zombie heads in) to catch up with you lot.
I want to thank you all. Right now, I'm tired, depressed, just utterly blah! But my few days' absence clearly made my heart fonder and I wanted you all to know you've lifted my spirits immeasurably. Thanks ladies.
Never change, unless it's simply into a more fabulous outfit.

[RADER]

My prayers are out to your Wife for a speedy recovery; and a speedy return to your dressing.
Rader

[Majella St Gerard]

what does one have to do with the other? How does You wearing panties interfere with her medical condition?

[abbiedrake]

Majella, my wife came to the realisation this is no phase the same time as her cancer diagnosis. Either is enough for a wife of 20 years to deal with. They're both simply drains on one's emotional reserves.
Right now even seeing my VPL is enough to bother her. But to my mind the one situation is more temporary than the other, hence the (not quite tota) abstinence.

[Bea_]

Praying for a good and speedy outcome for your wife.

[Majella St Gerard]

She is trying to control you and making excuses. Wear a thong, no VPL.
Hope she gets well.

[abbiedrake]

She knows better, Majella. 😉
As for thongs, meh. I can take em or leave but I tend towards leaving them, besides, paradoxically, I'd consider it somewhat deceptive and that's not my way at all. The occasional VPL may bug her but it's a currently so infrequent she'd be had pressed to complain. More to the point she hasn't mentioned the bangles so 🤷*♀️. I hope that she can see the lapses are indicative of how important the dressing is to my self-expression.
In the meantime I'm doing my best to get her through. Thanks to her disabilities I'm more than practised.

[Helen_Highwater]

Abbie,

I can understand your SO's desire to want to deal with one thing at a time. Cancer and it's treatment can leave you feeling like s**t warmed up as we say on this side of the pond. It's debilitating not only on the body but also the spirit. It would be a hard soul that added to that distress. That said for those who have to sit and watch the one's they love suffer also takes it's toll and so a little relief from such things is not being selfish.

Here's hoping for a speedy recovery.

[BTWimRobin]

Hi Abbie,

Cancer just plain s@$ks. I can't even begin to think about what your wife is going through. While cancer and crossdressing are mutually exclusive, if it were my wife I would respect her wishes and not dress in front of her or even bring up the subject. Is it fair... no. Then again, life is not fair. If the desire to dress gets too strong, I would dress briefly when she is not home and/or talk to all the wonderfully supportive people here on this forum.

I hope your wife has a speedy recovery. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on you can borrow mine. Just wear waterproof mascara.

Many hugs,
Robin

[Jodie_Lynn]

Abbie, kudos to you for putting your wife's needs before your own!

Ignore the naysayers, your wife needs her husband in this trying time.

Best wishes and hopes for wifeling's recovery. :bighug: for both of you

[alwayshave]

Abbie, I hope that your wife gets well. I thinking giving her what she needs in her time of need as admirable.

[Tracii G]

I hope your wife recovers.

[char GG]

Abbie, kudos to you for putting your wife's needs before your own!

Ignore the naysayers, your wife needs her husband in this trying time.

Best wishes and hopes for wifeling's recovery. :bighug: for both of you

Great post from Jodie Lynn:

I respect your decision Abbie. Your wife is dealing with so much at this time.

[Kaylin]

So sorry Abbie. Me and my wife are sending thoughts to you and your wife in this tough time. and prayers for a speedy recovery.

[Di]

Agree with Jodie Lynn and Char!
Wifeling needs you right now in huge fight for her life.
The timing of this you realizing you want to explore cding ( I think it’s recent) and this on top of everything else .
It speaks of how much a caring and loving partner you are putting her first. She HAS to be first right now and focused and positive. I’m sending every bit of positive thoughts and energy to you both.

Just remember this no matter WHAT you are wearing....you are still you. ......Her rock, her love and her partner in this fight.
Not material things., what you are wearing..... they do not define you. Not really.

That’s just how I see it....I always saw Sherlyn even when in drab....just like I’m just me no matter what I might or might not have on.

[Tracii G]

Di I think we all miss Sherlyn.

[docrobbysherry]

Abbie, I'm so sorry both of u r going thru this and that your wife thing is better soon!:thumbsup:

On the other hand? Maybe u could wear your Very Private Lingerie in---well---private? So as not to upset her?:eek:

[abbiedrake]

Thank you all. I really wasn't fishing for well wishes because I know of others even here whose SO's condition is worse than my wife's. They're still appreciated though.
And to be clear, I don't consider myself any great martyr. Her needs are simply greater than mine. I do try to always put my wife ahead of myself. My years of drinking might beg to differ, but I'm trying.
Also, dressing 'in private' or when she's not here are not practicable because we're always together, but for my occasional foray to the shops.

[Stephanie47]

Abbie, I know where you're coming from. My wife is a cancer survivor from "triple negative" breast cancer which is just about the worst breast cancer to treat. Her last scans have been clear. We are approaching fifty years of marriage soon. We are in DADT. When her diagnosis came and the rapid medical treatments she went on medical leave from her part time job in which she worked full days. That was my femme time. So I went from two or three days a week of seven hours per day of Stephanie time to zero. The lack of time really did not bother me. I am of the opinion my desire to be en femme is somewhat related to hormones/dna. I suspect the protective male side arose in me and put my need on the back burner. I still banged away on the computer, i.e., this site, and, viewed and bound fem clothes on ebay. But, not dressing really was not a problem. I was not banging my head against the wall in frustration. Your wife is having to think about the worst possible outcome to her medical crisis. What may have been a minor irritant before can become a big deal. She may be trying to focus attention away from the breast cancer. My wife just before her diagnosis of breast cancer had just finished her physical therapy after a back operation. She had taken off for that reason also. I had the same viewpoint. She was home all the time. It did not bother me. Then she needed some corrective female surgery which put her off the clock for several more months. Except for a week long trip she took out of state there has been little time for Stephanie to spread her wings.

Now, she seems to be fully recovered but she decided to throw in the towel and retire. She let her employer know she will not be back for the next school year. So, we are going to be joined at the hip more than ever. I can sense the potential for a growing frustration because it seems the hormonal/dna male reaction to be a protector is not there. I am able to sleep in a long nylon nightgown and nylon panty every night since for restful sleeping we sleep apart. I still buy femme stuff on line (like just before logging on today) and obviously bang away on the keyboard.

I think frustrations and angst can pile up when not able to dress. Perhaps as I advanced in age I no longer felt those buildups. I know when I was in my thirties and forties it drove me totally nuts. I use to grab some 'crumbs of time' as I called it. As I advanced in age I found I was alright as long as I had a full day of Stephanie time here and there.

Be supportive of your wife. If suspect if your wife is acting more negatively about your dressing it is an attempt to divert her attention away from her breast cancer. Just put yourself in her heels. If all this treatment doesn't work what is the end result????????? Not too pretty. If my wife is any indication of how a woman will feel even with a clean followup, it will always be in her mind the cancer may return. You'll probably be accompanying to all sorts of annual breast cancer awareness events in the future.

[Bobbi46]

The big C not a nice thing for wifeling por anybody to get especially (I presume)breast cancer. For a woman to have to lose both breasts because of cancer in order to survive is a big thingalso I guess much the same as having a hysterectomy, both go towards a woman feeling like a woman and when one or the other goes I guess its it like a part of their ethos their ego being suddenly snatched away. Yes sympathy is very needezd and here I add my own for a speedy recovery; I too would have backed off a bit of CD'ing to concentrate on loking after the good lady.
Just as you are doing Abbie, look to the future both a good one for wifeling but also for yourself, your dressing times will geet back to what they were before but no doubt it will be a while yet.
Have strength, bet wishes.