Results of 15 Years of Research on "Passing"

[danam]

I have been researching and contemplating the subject of "passing" for 15 years. Here are the results of my years of experience.

Passing requires three rules. These are:

1. Dress appropriate to the environment. Are you going to the grocery store? Or the opera?

2. Dress appropriate to your age. If you are a 45-year-old GM, dress as a 45-year-old GF. Sorry, but this is a "tough love" message to the community.

3. Use body language that conveys that today is an ordinary day just like any other. You are just another woman getting through the day (and life!) like the rest of us. Behave that way.

If you can nail these three things, you pass. Everything else falls into place. Everything else is just details.

[StephanieIndy]

Great rules! If you dont give people a reason to look at you twice, they wont look at you twice!

[char GG]

Great rules,
I would just like to chime in and add:

Don't lurk around looking suspicious (which is really part of the OP's #3 point) . Smile, be confident, and own it.

[docrobbysherry]

Sorry, Danam, I disagree. I think u just described how to dress to blend and be noticed as little as possible. And, maybe how to feel more confident about your looks when out?:battingeyelashes:

There's a huge difference from passing and being accepted when out as a trans!:brolleyes:

Passing is the Golden Fleece for dressers. It means being accepted as and treated as a female with no second thots from anyone!:daydreaming:
Sadly, none of the things u mentioned can do that for most of us!:sad:

[Tracii G]

I totally agree with you Dana.
The only problem is some get offended if you speak the truth.
You will always have the crowd that are in it to shock and be a spectacle.

[Rhonda Jean]

Agreed.

One of the hardest things for me was to quit looking at others for their reaction. If you look like you're looking, you'll likely get a reaction (Did that even make sense?). This has the simultaneous effect of making you look more comfortable/natural and thus passing better. At least I think so. You don't really know if you're not looking at everybody for a reaction!

[syome]

I partially agree, I think the most important thing for passing honestly is feeling comfortable in how you are dressed and just doing your own thing. If you are moving around nervously and cautiously people will notice you more than they would if you are just walking like its any other day. It's one of those things where if you act like you belong then no one will question anything. How I dress has not really changed that much through the years, but my body language and how confident I am while I dress has changed between night and day. Before I was terrified of doing something as simple as going to Nordstrom to shop and I would stick out because I was super concerned with whether people would clock me or not. I do feel that I was clocked more often than I am now.

Today, I have no issues going into any store or really doing any activity because I am not really that concerned with whether I am clocked or not. What I have noticed is far more people surprised that I was not born female than before. I think it boils down to feeling like you belong and modifying some mannerisms slightly. Those two things combined have had far more of an effect in allowing me to pass than anything else.

[Tracii G]

Adopting correct mannerisms helps the look. Don't overdo your mannerisms as well.

[Majella St Gerard]

Here's some tough love, If you think that you PASS, you don't.
Just because you aren't called out on it and are "accepted " does not mean you pass 100% as a woman.
My rules are dress appropriate for the location, wear something that is flattering to your figure, age has absolutely nothing to do with it, and OWN IT. Confidence is key.
With that, the best you can hope for and get is that you BLEND.
This is my experience.
PASSING is the Holy Grail and the hardest thing to get is a female voice, to me that is the give away.
Anyway just my 2 cents

[Ressie]

Another tip: keep your distance from people. We can all be passable at a distance. That could be 50 feet, 50 yards or more! Being face to face with someone probably won't work for more than a few seconds for most of us. I've met a few girls that passed to me. And a couple of others that were so close that it didn't matter. If people have a hard time guessing, that's close enough.

[Jean 103]

If you think pass , blend, ect.... I'm my opinion you are wrong.

What is it that you want?

To go out in public dressed as you like or think others like?

Here is what I want. To just be treated like anyone else.

Being treated special, extra attention, being touched, hugging, is something I have gotten use to. It is ok, part of being a woman, as this is how I present.

As I have said many times here, most all my friends are GGs. These are the people as I say, I have been schooled by.


There is an execption kinda. That is if you are going to have you body changed . I don't think that applies here.

Oh if dress I like an old lady my friends (GGs) disapprove. I have been told , don't ever wear that again, burn it. I still have that blouse, My roommate (she is fifteen years older) likes it, I wore it at DLV. Still my friend is right, it is not the best look for me.

I am so glad I didn't listen to so many here. I would not be where I am now.

It is this simple, be the best you, that you can be.

[Lana Mae]

Passing is not necessary to be accepted! I flew from Raleigh, NC to Tampa, Florida, to Houston Texas then from Houston to Atlanta, Georgia, and back to Raleigh! ( of course there were a few days in between) I was about 6 inches from my seat mates! Each asked me politely if they could sit there. There was no staring, no comments, no nothing! Just people interacting with people! I had a Christian man stare at me for a few seconds then he smiled and went back to what he was doing! I did all of that flying and in and about the airports with no, I repeat, no problems! I was just me! I owned it and all was right with the world! Do "you" and forget the competition! As has been said, passing is the Holy Grail and no one has found it yet! So just get out there and be "you"! Hugs Lana Mae

[Cheshire girl]

We talk about the difference between passing and acceptance. Those who think they pass may feel disheartened that they are just accepted or tolerated in public. Many of us strive to look attractive and we spend much time and money in the process. The stage I’m at is that within the world I live in when en femme is that I am told by female friends that they treat outings with me like those with their girl friends and that’s good enough for me. They say no one can tell.I go out and am treated like a woman everywhere. Whether that’s passing or not I don’t really care. I feel sorry for those who go out dressed so badly that people laugh at them. Wish they had a wife who could advise them better. It can be a cruel world and I always avoid staring if I see a CDer in public looking awful as I’m afraid some do.

[Rachael Leigh]

Dana, these are all great rules and well thought out. I do agree that for the most part these are more about blending into
the RW. Yes I’ve seen some girls who pass without question but that number is small. I know in my case I don’t pass closeup as was pointed out, I’m 6”2 and broad shouldered so I know I’m clocked. However if I’m dressed as most women my age I do feel I can pass, as a trans women that is, and for me that’s a win. My confidence has increased by just being out there and as I say being me. I hope the more I go out being me I will help those out there accept us more and realize
we are just trying to live our lives just like everyone else
Great topic by the way

[danam]

Thank you! It's always dangerous to discuss topics like this, because someone somewhere will get upset. Such is social media. Fortunately, I have developed a thick skin over the years.

Unfortunately, the term "passing" means different things to different people. One source of argument/discussion stems from the fact that it has multiple, nuanced meanings.

Interesting point earlier on the importance female voice. I remember a prolific YouTube crossdresser years ago (Jessica Who) who didn't bother attempting a female voice, but it didn't matter. She spoke with ease and comfort in her identity, and, as a viewer, my subconscious completely overlooked it. Obviously that won't apply if you have a extreme, DJ-quality male baritone voice. But for the rest of us...point #3 goes a long, long way.

[Tracii G]

Not sure whatever happened to Jessica Who or if still doing the comedy act.

[danam]

I brought up the question of Jessica Who a few years ago. From what I gather (4th or 5th-hand information here), her success as a crossdresser-celebrity caused a lot of problems in other aspects of her life, so she walked away completely. That's all I could surmise.

[Aunt Kelly]

If we define "passing" as not being "read" while interacting directly with others, very few of us can claim to do so with any degree of consistency. Sorry, no. Drunks at the club don't count.

Many, if not most of us who work at it can "blend", which we will define here as escaping the notice of those for whom we are "in plain sight", but not interacting with or otherwise attracting attention. Break that veil of "obliviousness", by speaking with a male voice, being too tall, "walking like a guy" in heels, being 50 and dressing like a teenager, anything that doesn't fit, and 200,000 years of evolution will raise awareness in the observer, and all the other gender cues get added up almost instantly. Anyone who's been out and managed to blend knows "that look" that comes with completion of that process. :)

So Dana's suggestions are still valid. Anyone hoping to pass must do those things, but even when we only "blend", we can still get by if we observe her suggestion number 3, especially after being read. If you comport yourself appropriately, people will, almost always, "play along", which is to say that they will treat you as the person you are presenting. Those eons of evolution also gave rise to the social norms that most of us learn as we grow and become the social creatures we are. It doesn't always work that way, but by far, it usually does. Most people have learned to be polite, even in awkward situations, and let's face it. Suddenly realizing that one is interacting with a TG person is awkward for most people.

[FrannGurl]

I really like your post dana, and I totally agree with each part of it. Some will disagree as Tracii G said too, and I've always admired her input also.

To be more specific on your points...

1) Dressing appropriate to the enviornment.

Do you want to stand out ,or just blend in like any woman wearing jeans, flats and a top? … Who dresses like a diva at Target ? I go there literally every day and never even see a woman in a dress!

2) Dress appropriate to your age

I'm 57
I feel lucky to have a slender body, legs, and shoulders that are not broad, and a shoe size that I can buy in most stores ( size 10) Do I love a cute skater dress?....You betcha! ...And I have several. Would I look out of place wearing one in public?....I'm pretty sure I would at my age, even though my legs wouldn't give me away, the fact that I'm older certainly would! ( I'm a bit envious of you younger girls who can get away with it , and rock it well!) The boyfriends I've had love it, but in public, I believe I would certainly make a spectacle of myself!... So I go for jeans , capris or leggings,and flats...which suits me fine. Wear your tight skirts if you want , but to me , its not a good look at all.

3) Use body language that conveys that today is an ordinary day just like any other.

This might be easier said than done if we are nervous , but it's easier the more you get the courage to venture out.

On Sunday, I was out in Fredericksburg , Va. very near to where I live.Its well known locally for being pretty open minded. I was at a stoplight in the old town section. I noticed a woman who was rather tall and pretty sure she was trans or a crossdresser. She walked in front of me at the stoplight and didn't seem to have a care in the world. Others walked by her at the crosswalk and took no notice of her at all. Maybe I noticed because I was also...I'm not sure. It actually inspired me. Its the only local town where I've gone out as Franni, but because of her , and other girls I've seen there, I feel I have nothing to worry about and plan to go there more.

Just my .02 cents, but I totally agree.

[sometimes_miss]

It's one of those things where if you act like you belong then no one will question anything.
It's not that they don't question anything. It's that they can't be bothered to. Plenty get clocked, but nothing is ever said to them, so they just assume that they have passed. I'm sure it's a nice feeling. But probably not entirely accurate.

If what you are doing, allows you to 'pass', to yourself, let that be enough. It's really no different from believing that we're better looking than most of the population, above average in intelligence, better drivers than the majority, etc.. We all like to believe that we're above average.


Confidence is key.
And yet, there are many hundreds of millions of insecure women who would never be mistaken for a man.

A female bone structure, attention to appearance, and all the appropriate mannerisms, are key, otherwise all it takes is ONE dead give away to inspire further inspection of us, and very, very few can pass the detail oriented eyes of the women in the world, who pick apart each other's appearance so critically that when you stick one of us in there, we, well, most likely stick out like a sort thumb.
For those of you who do indeed pass, congratulations. For all who don't, don't worry about it, because there's not much you can do about it, anyway.

[danam]

As I review the mountain of videos I took last weekend, I realize that, in about 90% of the images, I look like a guy in a skirt. Those 10% in which I look real, wow, I treasure those images. But I digress....

If I follow the three rules I listed above, and of course maintain personal safety (like, don't walk around in seedy parts of town alone at night, stuff like that), I honestly believe I can pass. That doesn't mean I won't be clocked, or I am necessarily attractive as a woman, it means that I can get through the shopping line or gas up my car or browse the library or do whatever people do during the day, and everyone will pretty much be indifferent to me.

[Lydianne]

Heh, passing?.. Go to your next door neighbour and ask for directions. That's passing.

- Lydianne.

[AllieSF]

Yes Danam, your definition is much closer to blending than passing. As those who have gone before us have many times stated is that passing is just that, interfacing with others and not being identified as our birth identified gender, which we are not presenting as in the moment. I am with Majella on this one. I have been going out since 2007 with no fear nor shyness when it came to interfacing with complete strangers. If you own your own situation and the place that you just walked into, you will most likely have a wonderful time based on your own definition as to what that means. Dressing age appropriate is a fairy tale for others for those that go out a lot and do not second guess themselves. Now, if you are still shy or have fear of what you are doing, that is an excellent recommendation to try to go unnoticed and learn to be out. However, if just being yourself is more important, than it may not even enter into the conversation nor equation. I do not claim to pass though I have a very few times to the surprise to the person with whom I am communicating and to myself. However, I more than fit in and blend into the local scenery. I talk to everyone from the bar back to the DJ, to the owner of the establishment and they remember me as me, not some age appropriate dressing transgender woman. They like, as far as I can tell, my personality and that is more me than a 70 year old woman's wardrobe. They like me much better than that! Try it, it works well.

[Maid_Marion]

I find that as my presentation gets more feminine, my social interactions become more natural and less awkward. I've had tons of really bad male fails.

[Leslie Mary S]

Over all I think your rules are a good set of guidelines.

I just need a clarification for rule #2.

2. Dress appropriate to your age. If you are a 45-year-old GM, dress as a 45-year-old GF. Sorry, but this is a "tough love" message to the community.
I don't understand this one. Does GF = Girl Friend, Grand Father, of something else? When I was in school we were taught that you should ALWAYS indicate a full title with the abbreviation following in () marks. i.e. Grand Mother (GM). you do this specially if you abrogation has maulitible options.

[danam]

Sorry, those are acronyms from 10+ years ago when I was originally very active on this site. GF to me mean genetic female, GM means (you got it!) genetic male. I guess there's a new acronym floating around, which is GF meaning gender fluid. Sorry for the confusion. I mean Genetic Female.

[GretchenM]

Dana,
Great post and it generated lots of wonderful responses. But I think passing and blending are very different things. Are those differences important? I don't really think so and that is because I pose the question of what does it take for a woman to pass? The point is that perhaps passing is some idealistic image of what a woman looks like. I have seen some women, middle aged and older, that I have to look at for awhile to tell what sex they are. And the same goes for some men, especially younger men. To me, passing is the ideal to shoot for but blending is the practical goal. Among the TS folks I know, only one fully passes and she admits it took over $100,000 to reach that state. Heather's behavior is fully feminine and her looks follows suit. But she admits that she has two tells - sneeze and cough. Very masculine. She has never found a way to change those. The other person, Sylvia, transitioned 50 years ago and now in her late 60's looks like a lot of other women in their 60's, i.e., a bit masculine. For the GG's it is a loss of female hormone support; for Sylvia it is induced female hormone support and more than a little practice.

I think what you have found and what the others have added and commented are all really good thoughts and are applicable almost universally. But I also think passing is some kind of ideal that is really difficult to define and may not really be definable in a universal sense. So, I think the rule should be - Do the best you can, keep your personal ideal in mind, shoot for it, but accept that it is likely you will never achieve it simply because you have an X and a Y chromosome and they have two Xs. You are male and they are female. That sets a boundary that is impossible to cross. But as Heather showed you can come awful close. Sylvia though is a more practical solution. Both are beautiful and acceptably women.

[Cheryl T]

I must disagree with rule 2.

Dress appropriate for your Perceived Age. When I don my favorite wig and makeup my face to go out, my wife tells me I look late 40's. I LOVE that but I'm far from it.
I dress as I am late 40's since that's how I appear. I'm certainly not going to dress late 60's as I am. I'm not ready for the Assisted Living home just yet and hope I never get there.

[Teresa]

Danam,
I now see it as integrating into society , I do agree with your basic thoughts . On the whole if you show enough female markers or telltales you will be accepted more as a female than a male and try and use some common sense .

To say we pass poses the question , "What as ?" Which is the point Gretchen picks up , does passing mean to attain the status of a perfect woman ? Never going to happen !

All most of us can do is find a balance that we're confident with and hope most people will accept it , that's what passing possibly means to most .

[Michellebej]

Hi, I want to talk about number 3 for a moment.

When I was a detective, oh so many years ago, I really sucked at stake outs. "I" thought I was inconspicuous. Then one day while I was out shopping at a local mall, a guy walked up to me and told me he "Knew" I was watching him and that I was a cop. The truth was he was totally not on my radar until that moment. I mentioned it to my partner who laughed and then showed me some tapes made of some of our work. I had to admit I stood out...just as much as the criminals.

Criminals give themselves away by paying attention to those around them instead of their environment. Meaning that if they are in a shoe store they spend more time looking at people than shoes. If in a neighborhood they are casing they spend time looking at homes, doors, windows, ect than just walking down the street with a blank look on thier face.

And I, well I guess I spent more time looking at people than whatever was infront of me.

So, yes, by all means be confident and don't pay attention to the reactions of others, it is a dead giveaway.

My bestie is 6-2 and a GG. She is busty with short blond hair. When I'm with her ( I'm 5-9) no one glances at me because the eyes are drawn to her. I'm nobodies homecoming queen, but I'm also not screaming "male". Not having an adams apple has also helped on a few occasions. I find that when I'm out with her I act like a woman with her bestie and since I'm totally natural in this..MOST people don't question my gender. I was also in a long term relationship with a man who is 6-6. Again the eye is drawn to him and I am the secondary target. I rarely get "made" when I am with him. No one thinks we are a gay couple. Lol, and neither of us feel that way either.

However; when I go out with other CD's my pass rate falls dramatically. Usually to zero. I've seen GGs who were told they were CD's while in the company of CDs....(shrugs)

Just my nickel

[Tracy Irving]

I think u just described how to dress to blend and be noticed as little as possible.

I agree.

Most of the women that I see are not wearing dresses and skirts. For many of us our preferred attire. So, if putting on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt with really short sleeves doesn't do it for you, then find what makes you happy!

[Ressie]

Then again, some of us don't want to pass or blend. Sometimes it's fun to wear something more outrageous or fashions incongruent with one's age. Break the rules and break free!

[Stephanie47]

I have to agree with Tracy (#31). I may be stuck in a time machine and have not progressed out of the 1950's and 1960's. No way will I ever buy any sort of pants, jeans or shorts. Why wear a fashion stolen from the men's section of the store. It's dresses and only dresses for me. That does not mean I do not appreciate a nice looking womanly figure in a pair of jeans. If you really want to fly under the radar and not attract attention wear a pair of woman's jeans or pants with a plain top. My attention is drawn to a nicely attired woman wearing a dress. I like colors and patterns, especially floral patterns. At the mall or the business district downtown my attention is drawn to women in dresses. Costco after church is a great place to see women in their best Sunday dresses, and, some of them are getting somewhat above the knee. Not anywhere like "Little House of the Prairie."

There's the problem. How does own express themselves when every warm blooded male wants to see a pair of nice legs and some other fines features of womanhood....in a dress. There is no reason to cross dress if my desires are not satisfied. I peruse Youtube a lot and elsewhere and see many many fine looking cross dressers wearing dresses. They are making no attempt to hide under the radar. The thing that will sink me is my six foot height and 200 pounds. I'm great as a male or so I am told. As a pseudo woman....not so much. I'm not going to pass or blend. I can wear age appropriate clothes, and, I do not mean old granny dresses, I will not pass or blend. Being six foot and 175 pounds with military toned muscle was great fifty years ago. Now it works against me. If I was five foot six I'd be in heavenly bliss. But, I would not compromise myself and hide in clothes that do not satisfy my inner self.

If you want to have a nice experience I would suggest donning a pretty dress. Wear a decent wig if your hair cannot pass muster. Go light on the makeup. Shave really close. Grab a pair of transition sunglasses. Wear a hat to shield your face from the sun. Sit on a park bench and read a book..You will not have to worry too much about height to weight ratios unless you're like me. And, you will not have to worry about walking or mannerisms other than smoothing your dress when the breeze blows.

[sometimes_miss]

The point is that perhaps passing is some idealistic image of what a woman looks like.
Nope, not many FAB women look anything like what an 'idealized' image of a woman looks like. But it's very clear to the world around them, that they are, indeed, FAB females, even if they're not what would be considered by most to be 'ideal'.


I have seen some women, middle aged and older, that I have to look at for awhile to tell what sex they are.
But that's just it; there's something about them that ticks off the 'what exactly am I seeing here' in our minds, and then the FAB questionable person eventually passes all the other clues, and gets identified as a FAB woman, while WE wind up failing one of those clues and get identified as the males that we actually are as well. That's not passing. OR blending. Even if we want to think it is; others know what we are. Even if you've been 'missed', or 'Yes, mam'ed, it will often just be a courtesy by someone who does not want to offend you, and obviously recognizes that you're trying to appear as a woman, and will then fake surprise when you tell them that you're not actually a woman, all to avoid hurting your feelings. And then you think that you pass.

And of course, the best one:

Heh, passing?.. Go to your next door neighbour and ask for directions. That's passing.
- Lydianne.
Now THAT'S right on the money!

[Rachael Leigh]

I will say yes I do try to blend as the age I am, 58, but you know what I’ve always felt like being tall I have nice legs so
I enjoy wearing cute shorts and yes even short shorts. Now I usually wear them in an appropriate place like say washing my car but hey I’m not going to always conform to the age thing.

[danam]

As for dressing your age--I think it's okay to break the rules, as long as you know the rules, and you've chosen to break them, and you understand the results of breaking the rules (i.e., drawing attention to yourself in ways that could cause ridicule or even compromise your safety).

[AllieSF]

Sorry but there are NO rules. You dress how you like and do not criticize others for dressing as they like. Oops! I guess there is one rule after all. If you have fear of others when going out, fear of recognition, introverted, whatever that causes you to try to stay in the background, to blend in, then your advice can work for some. However, for those that go out a lot, which is also a large part of this forum and the real world out there, that enjoy going out, we wear what we want when we want. We may later regret an outfit, but we didn't check with rule makers to get their OK. We are all adults. We have been learning from our mistakes all our life and will continue to do so. Really simple, no rules just good common sense. It usually is a matter of feeling comfortable and confident to be able to dress yourself as you deem, not by someone else's rules.

If you want to say that your recommendation is that it is a good idea and a successful tactic that one dress to blend when starting to go out, I would agree with you. But I will discuss your choice of the word "rule" in this scenario.

[Teresa]

Danam,
Dressing your age is a tough one and becomes trickier with age . I'm 68, on the whole I don't feel I dress for that age group but I know there are exceptions and yet I do get some lovely genuine comments . The problem with this is some women don't like their shape and it's not all to do with weight , some hate their bustline but most have a thing about their legs it's partly why many wear leggins and tunic tops , it also gives them the reason not to wear heels of any description . The times I've heard women say you're so lucky that can wear heels even my wedges and as Rachel says having good legs always gets picked up on again from the comments I know this to be true .

Dressing to blend or integrate doesn't mean dressing to hide , OK you list it as rules but maybe could be reworded as appropriate , that takes a little time to learn but then women get caught out by finding they've misread the script and worn something not quite suitable , in those circumstances the " Rule " is knowing how to carry it off !

[Maid_Marion]

Then there are the practicalities of dressing. I love shopping in Kohls Juniors because their clothes fit me perfectly right off the rack!

I thought about why.

Their mature clothes is cut long. If you are short you will get them altered to fit. I could do that, but why waste my time if I can buy clothes that don't need alterations? Juniors clothes are cut to fit. Junior don't have issues with exposing skin these days if the clothes are a little short.

Then there is the issue of age and gravity, which affect GGs a lot more than crossdressers.

[MonicaPVD]

Those rules are absolutely spot on if you are interested in blending in and not attracting undue attention to yourself. I can't say this enough: most people in the real world are so self-absorbed that they won't notice you unless you go out of your way to draw attention. Otherwise, wear what you want and own it. Want to wear an outfit meant for someone 25 years your junior? Love it. Want to look like a clown? Awesome. Want to emulate Beyonce by wearing a shimmery leotard and thigh high boots to the supermarket at 3pm? Perfect. Whatever makes you feel good about yourself is all that matters.

- - - Updated - - -

I can't edit my last post for some reason, so I'll add this: I have a clearly defined sense of what I can wear when I want to pass and what I can wear when I want to look trashy. But that's me and only me. I don't judge or criticize anyone ever for wearing what makes them feel good. Judgmental people are what get CDs and Transwomen beaten and murdered. Don't be one of them.

[Veronica4me]

Lydianne, you are so right! Another would be to walk past your roommates and out the front door and have them think Veronica was visiting me!! LOL

[Kelly DeWinter]

As for dressing your age--I think it's okay to break the rules, as long as you know the rules, and you've chosen to break them, and you understand the results of breaking the rules (i.e., drawing attention to yourself in ways that could cause ridicule or even compromise your safety).

I always find it interesting when people post "RULES FOR" passing, then post exceptions that imply it's your fault if it "causes ridicule and compromises your safety"

When is it ever OK to ridicule someone or compromise their safety ?

Dana I know that not what your intent is in your original post .

The era we live in is one of breaking boundaries and being your own self.

I also think that being realistic as things like finding the tie to pass and developing mannerisms on for most on a part time basis is almost impossible for most.

As far as choices in clothes, be yourself, part of the allure for most crossdressers IS drawing attention to yourself.

[Michellebej]

Something occurred to me.

I'd love to say that I don't judge other girls. But I do. I don't SAY anything to them or anyone else, but in my own mind I do indeed judge.

We have a girl in our group who from the neck down passes with ease. And passes so well that with a bit of make up AND A WIG, would probably not have any trouble at all. The problem is she is mostly bald with a few scraggly tufts of hair on top which she keeps to her shoulders. It is just so obviously the head of a man that it is, to me, embarrasing. Sure, she can do as she wants, and to each their own, ect ect. But she is always complaining about being read. And refuses to see that her hair is the problem.

Another friend of mine dresses as a 70s hooker, complete with rabbit coat. She uses water balloons that are not remotely covered up by her bra or blouse. Again someone who is always going on about "why" no one takes her seriously as a woman.....

If your goal is to draw attention, then fine...but if your goal is to just walk around shopping without teenage girls giggling behind you, then I think that yes, there are a few rules. Saying that there are no rules is self defeating, imho.

[Becky Blue]

Great Op Dana and i agree with the 3 rules generally... People get too caught up with definitions of the word passing or blending... some say no one passes, well yes to use the extreme example if you took your clothes off then yes no one would pass... I like to call it blending and to me that means walking past people who do not realise that you are not a 'normal woman'. If you are out and about and the vast majority of people do not pick you then to me you have successfully blended in or passed... just because a few people maybe see something and give a double take or realise does not mean you did not blend in generally.

Being tall or walking in a very male manner does not automatically mean you cant blend or pass it just makes it harder to, there are lots of tall women and lots of women don't walk like typecast women are meant to

[Barbara Jo]

I would just add that you have to believe that you have every right to wear the female clothes that you are wearing.....you are just weaning clothes that any female wears..and not doing a thing out of the ordinary.
In other words, don't think that you are male dressed as a woman but think of yourself as a women who is simply dressed like one.

If you are nervous about it, people will notice and you will attract attention. Just go about you business... shopping etc... walking through town etc just as any woman would do.

BTW, keep in mind that females are not all beauty queens and some do indeed look somewhat masculine and do not have an hour glass figure etc
Personally, I have known some females with narrow hips and others with male sized hands.
However no one thinks that they are not woman as they dress and act like woman.

So, as long as you have a reasonably female shape and and face you can pass . :)

[Abbey11]

Great thread, thanks Danam, and great responses. I have to agree with Rhonda response #6, I was always looking at others for their reaction

[danam]

Surprisingly civil conversation. I'd been away from this site for many years (after some bad experiences a long time ago), and I was curious at the types of reactions I would get from this post. I'm impressed. Since the act of "crossdressing" means wildly different things to different people, it is virtually impossible to engage in a tangible discussion without someone, somewhere taking offense. Again, I am impressed at the maturity of the responses from my thread. Thank you.

[Teresa]

Danam,
Obvioulsy most of our replies , " Passed !"