Transitions?

[MonicaPVD]

So, I started dressing when I was a child, stealing away to wear some of my mother's or sister's items. I was caught a few times and extensively shamed for my actions. That stopped for a while. During my late teen years I picked up again and then dressed occasionally while away at college. After that I didn't dress for a very long time until about four yeas ago (I am 40). Ever since I started dressing again, I have noticed a change in that I began to leave the house dressed, taking what seemed like increasing liberties and risk. Finally, I reached the point where I was comfortable going out at any time of the day and socializing as a woman.

As a result of that comfort level, I received lots of male attention and responded positively. Well, over the past 12-18 months I have started dating men and engaging in more intimate endeavors with them, something I had never done before. To clarify, I am not trans and have no intention of transitioning. I am a quiet, normal, somewhat conservative and lifelong heterosexual male who is also a crossdresser attracted to men exclusively when I am dressed. Only now I have also opened up this new chapter in my sexuality and I'm not sure where it will lead.

Has anyone else experienced something like this?

[Thelise]

Well I'm new here, and I don't want to step too far out, but I would think the first step is stop thinking of yourself as straight. Don't worry, it's not a big step.

[MonicaPVD]

Honey, I knew I wasn't straight the first time I put on a pair of panties. ❤️

[Thelise]

It's OK to look in the mirror and say "you're bent honey." It's a good first step.

[Tracii G]

You aren't heterosexual if you are attracted to men and have sexual relations with them.
To say you only feel that way when you CD I am calling BS on that one because what clothes you are wearing has nothing to do with your sexual preference.
You may have not reached a point where you have accepted that you are gay or bi.
Personally I don't care what you are either or is fine just be honest with yourself.

[MonicaPVD]

What I meant to say is that I have lived most of my life as a hetero guy. I know that I'm not straight and that's OK. That said, I have zero interest in living as a gay man. Simple.

[Stephanie Julianna]

Just accept that you are at best bi. That "straight" ship has sailed off into the horizon. Just be careful and enjoy. Accept who you and you will be a happier person for it. There is nothing you should be ashamed of other than maybe not being honest with yourself.

[Thelise]

Your sexuality is your own. You're under no obligation to define it here, or anywhere ideally. But I'd think you need to be clear with yourself. Why do you think you have to be gay or straight?

[Stephanie47]

Your situation has been explored many times on this forum. Putting a label on yourself is really immaterial to who you are. I read many times that experimentation with the same sex person does not mean a person is homosexual. I haven't read anywhere any clinical thoughts on cross dressing men having relations with a man. I also haven't read any clinical thoughts of men who seek out cross dressers for a relationship. Maybe in some way both can justify stepping out of societal norms and expectations...in their minds. Anyway, if you're comfortable with it that's really all that matters.

[Tracii G]

Live the way you want thats all fine and good just don't say you are hetero when its obvious you are not.
I lived thru two hetero marriages and finally admitted I like guys much better and I am attracted to them.
I live as me and some know I am gay and some don't.Its not something I advertise.
Being gay doesn't mean you have to act obviously gay in fact most gay men don't act that way.

[Vicky_Scot]

To clarify, I am not trans and have no intention of transitioning. I am a quiet, normal, somewhat conservative and lifelong heterosexual male who is also a crossdresser attracted to men exclusively when I am dressed.

I find this offensive. Are trans people not normal?

[AllieSF]

Come on Vicky, she is describing her view of herself and using "normal" non-offensive language. I am living full time now and I consider myself a normal person, i.e. being transsexual is also being "normal". No need to nit pick words when I believe that no offense was intended, and none taken by me.

I think when one takes the big mental and emotional step to accept who they are under our big umbrella, we also allow ourselves to look at a lot of things, people and situations differently, granting ourselves the freedom to experiment with things that we never imagined we would try. Now, after trying and enjoying, we may have found out something deeper than we thought would be there. Congratulations on your new found enjoyment and freedoms.

[abbiedrake]

Your situation has been explored many times on this forum. Putting a label on yourself is really immaterial to who you are. I read many times that experimentation with the same sex person does not mean a person is homosexual. I haven't read anywhere any clinical thoughts on cross dressing men having relations with a man. I also haven't read any clinical thoughts of men who seek out cross dressers for a relationship. Maybe in some way both can justify stepping out of societal norms and expectations...in their minds. Anyway, if you're comfortable with it that's really all that matters.

The above highlighted text describes me. Neither of the guys I had sex with would say I was gay, or even bi. You're clearly way beyond where I was when I experimented.

I do agree with Tracii however. It feels like you're almost claiming to be a straight woman when you get intimate with men. The truth is more that you're a bi man who wears women's clothes, but you're not into guys just cos you pull on some panties. That's just not how it works, and couching it in those terms is heading into homophobic territory. Using words like 'zero interest' also sounds borderline homophobic. Like I said you sound close to say saying "Yeah I get it on with men but it's not, like, gay, cos look I was wearing a dress. I'm like totally straight! Just a straight lady." 'Straight' would no longer appear to be applicable, regardless of how much you might balk at the term 'gay man'.

All that said you should enjoy your expanded sexual Horizons. Just be honest with yourself.

[Teresa]

Monica,
With the stop start situation over so many years I get the feeling that your situation is " Work in progress " All the pieces haven't come together yet to truly find yourself .

At the moment attching any label is part speculation , I've seen people make these claims only to find a short time in the future they are on hormones and thinking of transition . Over the years things do happen we don't expect , in my twenties I had no idea what changes would happen in my forties and in my forties I'd never have dreamt I would be separated after 44 years of marriage and living full time .

[EllieOPKS]

Monica I totally understand where you are coming from. I have pretty much the same feelings. When I am in male mode I look at and admire women. When I am in female mode I am all female. I don't go looking for guys but if I am approached by a nice man I respond as a woman would. I have no problem admitting I am bi and enjoy the man I am with when I am Ellie. Enjoy yourself without worrying about labels

[Susan Smith]

Vicky, don't take life too seriously! You can choose not be offended. Personally, I think 'trans' and 'normal' are not comments on the same thing in Monica's post.

[Micki_Finn]

I’m with Tracii here. If you are sleeping with men you are not straight. Wearing a dress does not magically make you attracted to men.

[Tracii G]

Exactly Micki one that does that is just lying to themselves.
Wearing a dress and having guys hit on you does not mean those guys are gay either.
Some are but you need to make it clear what you are when they first hit on you so they can stick around or go.

[Jodie_Lynn]

I’m with Tracii here. If you are sleeping with men you are not straight. Wearing a dress does not magically make you attracted to men.

I agree with this, although I have found out that putting on a dress makes me magically attractive to men...

[Maid_Marion]

Terms like straight and gay become very confusing if one's gender isn't clearly defined.

I think it makes more sense to say who you are attracted to. Which isn't gender dependent. I just can't get excited about men. Only women for me. So far. Life changes in ways we may not expect.