I should be more responsible

[Maria 60]

Last night my wife had some errands to do and thought it would be a good idea if I would drive her so it would save her time finding parking and just all around faster for her. Of coarse to convince me she offered that I dress up and we are both doing each other a favour. I agreed and I do enjoy do it.
When we were done and I stopped to put gas and I was wearing a summer dress with buttons on the front with almost half of them undone on the top and on the bottom, with biege fishnet stay-ups.
It was a hot day and it looked like a storm was coming and it was getting really windy, as soon as I got out of the car the wind instantly went up my dress feeling so amazing. While I was putting gas the warm wind was coming from under the car and my dress was wiping around. When I got in the car my wife made a comment that she was looking in the mirror and asked me if it was appropriate that I was out there with my skirt up and stay-ups and at times even my panties showing and I made no effort to pull the dress down. She asked if that's the way I want to be seen in public and that I should put into consideration that is that the way I want people to see crossdresses. That I'm like a representative and I should set an example and act like a women not like a tramp. A women would have tried to pull her dress down and been more ladylike but she feels like that's the attention I'm looking for.
She reminded me about a crossdresser we seen in a mall a few weeks back, we were sitting and we heard a clicking of heels and we looked over it was a women wearing very high heels that she couldn't walk in, I instantly noticed her very short skirt with her black stockings below the skirt. My wife whispered to me "where is that **** going dressed like that". As she got closer we realized she was a crossdresser and my wife asked me if I thought it was right if that's how crossdressers want to be respected and seen as. She felt it was very Inappropriate that this person had to present themselves this way in a mall, an even if she was going out clubbing from here is this how she wants to be seen.
I told my wife I have a lot of respect for this person for having the courage to go out and be the person they want to be, and I had to admit I only wish I would see women dressed like that more.Lol. I did admit with the stockings and garters showing and a black see though top with a pink bra on was alittle over the top but people have there own choice.
My wife only told me she is one to incourage freedom and seeing the big steps forward crossdressers are takeing and people are getting more excepting of it, but didn't believe dressing like that and acting like I did will help the cause. She believes that when I'm out in public that I should act responsible and dress decent and remember that I'm representing all crossdressing and everyone should do the same if we want to be treated properly. WOW! Am glad she's not with me when I drive with my skirt usally hiked up and showing my stocking to. Maybe she right, I should have acted more decent and tried to keep my skirt down.

[Teresa]

Maria,
No right and wrong in this situation it's all down to what you want to be seen as , there is a differnce in being out dressed as a CDer and being out dressed more appropriate for your age and situation .

I'm inclined to agree with your wife if you want to be accepted and integrate more as a woman , no one can deny you making a statement it happens all the time at my social group meetings . The basic rules state no fetish wear but some outfits are possibly more suited for private viewing or in the confines of a TG meeting .

I also admit accidents do happen as they would with any GG , the wind can catch you out , I have a cotton wrap skirt which can reveal a great deal if I'm not careful so I wear a slip underneath .

When you go out on a daily basis and possibly meet the same people on more than one occasion there is an expectation you will dress appropriately , I find it lovely when I'm told I always look nice in what I wear , I don't think I'd want them say I looked a tart . If we want acceptance I feel we need to gain respect .

[Tracii G]

I agree with your wife if you want to look like a lady then act like one.

[Melissa_Me]

Sorry Maria, I also agree with your wife. I personally think that dressing like a woman means you need to act like one too.
Dress and act how you want to in the privacy of your own home but out in public you need to think about how you are portraying yourself and others.
Xx:kiss::kiss:

[MonicaPVD]

If you were single you could go out in the middle of the day in lingerie and thigh high boots (and look outrageous + fabulous). Since you are clearly married to a very understanding and open-minded woman, LISTEN TO HER.

[char GG]

I’m also with your wife on this one. Her point is well taken.

My husband goes out looking like a lady. I appreciate that he presents himself in a classy way.

[Jodie_Lynn]

I'm also in agreement with your wife.

And while I don't want to say you can't wear, or appear as you want, I would like to remind you that to the local muggle population, you ARE a representative of the CD community.

[Eemz]

Community schmunity. This isn't even about dressing or gender.

Most people would not be happy if their wife was "skirt up and stay-ups and at times even my panties showing and I made no effort to pull the dress down" and this is the same thing. You're in a relationship, so flashing the neighborhood is off the agenda. Simple as.

[Tracii G]

So if your wife wants to get her jollies off flashing people in public how would you feel?
What you did was pretty disgusting IMO.

[Leelou]

Of course your wife was correct. But really this appears to be a no-harm, no-foul incident. I mean it happened at a gas station, so it's entirely possible that no one even noticed. So just graciously accept your wife's valuable input. This is a golden opportunity to tell her "You know Honey, I've been thinking about what you said and you were right."

[AngelaYVR]

I remember walking over a bridge one summer when a gust of wind lifted my skirt to the waist, I was very embarrassed. Since then I’ve avoided light silk skirts on breezy days. Exhibitionism is a mild kink for some but you do have to remember who you are; to many, CDs are are still just fetishists and your behaviour just reinforces that view.

[Stephanie47]

If you're ever in New York City make sure you do not stand over a subway grate when a train passes under unless you're Marilyn Monroe. That being said every little girl has been told by her mommy to not show her panties in public. Shame on you. If you want to do that there are some streets in my city where women do that and more.

[JenniferR771]

When a smartly dressed crossdresser is dressing to blend--she blends--she cannot represent crossdressers to the world, because no one knows she is a crossdresser. Sigh. Frustrating.

[Jodie_Lynn]

Jennifer, "blending" does not equal 'invisibility'. It means not drawing undue attention to oneself. Blending means dressing (and acting) appropriate to your surroundings.

I blend well, but there ain't nobody being fooled by my clothes.

[Rachelakld]

Ya, those S&%ts that wear see through shirts that are available in every young ladies major clothing shops are outrageous and worn by those "girls" who call themselves Sales Assistants at said clothing shop all do it so they can have sex with strangers.

Or maybe it's just hot, the top is comfortable, lots of the girls are wearing thinner/see through material and they just want a coffee, read the newspaper and relax?

305599


PS. I can't really comment on stockings or pantyhose, I prefer bare legs.

[Jean 103]

Your wife is right. Pay attention you are being schooled.

As I have said I have been schooled by my friends (GGs) . They took me in and accepted me as one of the girls

I remember the words of one of my friends, as I was a little out of line, " if you are going to be a lady than act like one". She as your wife are right.

[Cheshire girl]

How you dress is up to you. However I see a CDer round town who looks terrible as he wears skirts that are ridiculously short and very tarty clothes. I am sorry to see people staring at him. Personally I like to look elegant and feminine without being an exhibitionist. Showing stocking tops off might feel very feminine but it is, in my opinion, best kept for private moments rather than when out and about. I’m careful when getting out of the car not to show too much leg though of course this summer no problem as I’m wearing midi length dresses.

[Jean. Ann]

When I was growing up, a young lady would have been taken to the restroom to
" discuss " such behavior by her Aunt or Mother

JAS

[Rogina B]

When I got in the car my wife made a comment that she was looking in the mirror and asked me if it was appropriate that I was out there with my skirt up and stay-ups and at times even my panties showing and I made no effort to pull the dress down. She asked if that's the way I want to be seen in public and that I should put into consideration that is that the way I want people to see crossdresses. That I'm like a representative and I should set an example and act like a women not like a tramp. A women would have tried to pull her dress down and been more ladylike but she feels like that's the attention I'm looking for.

Your wife is very right ! As an out TG woman,you do us no favors.Best you stay home and tease yourself in the mirror.

[Thelise]

Ouch! Way to shame a girl into behaving herself.

[CD Rachel]

My opinion only but I think that being a CD here is irrelevant. A girl should dress how she wants to be seen in public. That being said however if I were out and about with my significant other then how I dress and behave is reflected on her as well as myself. Obviously you now know how your wife feels and though it sounds like this was a minor indiscretion I would just be more careful in the future and be considerate of her feelings and attitude. There is no shame here or right or wrong just consideration for the most important person in your life and how the two of you choose to work it out.

Rachel

[Aunt Kelly]

Maria,
No right and wrong in this situation it's all down to what you want to be seen as , there is a differnce in being out dressed as a CDer and being out dressed more appropriate for your age and situation .


Quite right, Teresa. Maria's wife's question to her about "respect" is spot on as well. There is a marked exhibitionist streak in some fetish dressers. We see examples of that here on a regular basis. While they have every right to go out and put on their show, they absolutely cede any claim to respect for anything other than that right.

To be clear, the exhibitionist fetish dressers don't owe us anything. That their behavior fosters a rather warped view, amongst an often ill-informed public, of all TG women, it is not their fault, per se. It is, however, intellectually dishonest to to suggest that it does not have that exact effect. To put it more bluntly, I spend a lot of my time working for an organization that is trying to improve things for gender non-conforming people, including those at the extreme under discussion, and the behavior of that group only serves to make our work more difficult.

[Micki_Finn]

There’s a difference between “skimpy (to be PC) dressing, and poor dressing. You can dress “****ty” without dressing poorly. There’s nothing wrong with revealing or sexy. What I don’t like to see are girls dressed POORLY. Ill fitting or mismatched clothes, busted wig on crooked, or otherwise generally being (literally) badly dressed.

[Tracii G]

I have learned not to say anything when I see a bad wig being worn completely wrong because the "you go girl" crowd send me brutal PMs calling me everything mean you could imagine.
I mean a persons hair line is not 1/2 an inch from their eyebrows come on really?
I try to comment in a nice way to help that person improve their look but so many get their butt hurt and make me the bad person. Best to let them look the way they want I guess.

[alwayshave]

Maria, I'm not a fan of people dressing provocatively in public, so I get your wife's opinion.

[deebra]

Simply Put, your wife is 100% right, you were wrong to dress like that so learn from her and don't do it again. She is right you represent all CD's. If someone see's you dressed ****ty then they have a bad opinion of CD's. That would be your fault. On the other hand if you were dressed nice they just might be more accepting and all CD's would move up the ladder of acceptance another rung. Are fishnets really appropriate??? One more thing, you are very very lucky to have such am accepting classy wife.

One more thing I need to mention, I have posted in the past that I am a nice size so I can wear feminine clothes well. If I am in a store dressed attractively and conservatively wearing low heel girl shoes, girl pants and top with appropriate size boobs why shouldn't I be accepted as a nicely dressed CD. I feel dressed as such I look better in female clothes than male. What's wrong with me wanting to dress and look female??????????????????????????

[binair10]

Do not forget that your Wife has more experience than you about how to dress and portray herself. She will pass on what will be best for you to wear given the windy weather. I have left all that behind now, so it`s granny styles for me now. Well I am coming up to 78, so I do like to blend with my surroundings.

Perhaps the crossdresser you saw had come from or going to a club or party etc. Not the way to portray oneself in a Mall.

Julie.

[Angie G]

Maybe Marie. :hugs:
Angie

[Asew]

I think this is a great reminder about how you want to be seen.

[abbiedrake]

Some replies here, were they directed as a GG, would definitely constitute s!*t-shaming. That's not right. Maunt of us dress our age or rather appropriately to the situation. We should still respect the right of others to dress as they please, whether we like it or not.

Nor are any of us under any obligation to fly a flag on behalf of the community. We don't all need to be activists. Yes, 'bad' dressing and distasteful behaviour while dressed do reflect poorly on our community. But for some, clearly, dressing like a treat, and even acting like one are part of CDing for them. Whole they confirm the worst suspicions of the non-CD society there's not a lot we can do about it.

Altering public perception occupies quite a narrow space. Dress poorly and act like a harlot and we all look like perverts. Pass well enough and no-one notices. So the space where we become ambassadors is not passing but dressing and acting well enough to interact with the public as a friendly human who happens to present as the opposite gender. Leaving a positive impression in that space is where we make a difference.

However those two points having been made, Maria, consideration for your wife is a fine reason to modify your dress and behaviour. Regardless that your wife made reference to you being representative of our community I would suggest that she may herself have found your gas pumping behaviour personally distasteful. Perhaps you wouldn't like her doing such?! And I'd respectfully suggest that might include hiking up your skirt on drives alone.

[Tahoegurl]

Hi Maria, I think that you can dress how you want. What feel is most important here is that your wife was willing to offer up some guidance on how to present yourself in polite society. What a gift you were given. I agree with Micki's comment about dressing well...if I am going out dressed...i dress well. It isn't about passing either...that is a whole different stereotype. And when I go out with my wife I like to really enjoy it and it sounds like you may have created a situation where your partner was not OK. I hope you have more great adventures. Cheers.

[Jodie_Lynn]

Nor are any of us under any obligation to fly a flag on behalf of the community.

No one is obligated to, but by our very presence, we DO represent the community. Once upon a time, I was a Police Officer, and I am pretty sure that everyone here has at least ONE story about "this dumb cop....". Whenever a LEO does something wrong, it tars the entire law enforcement community. Don't say it doesn't! Just recently, a group of uniformed Officers was asked to leave a Starbuck's, because a patron felt "uncomfortable". Why did that happen? Because some, and I emphasis "SOME" Law Enforcement personnel SHOULDN'T be on the job, but the actions of the minority affect the perception of the whole.

The same holds true for Lawyers, Bankers, ethnic groups, and the LGBT+ community as well. The actions of some colour the rest of the community.

This isn't "shaming" of any sort. It's up to the individual if they wish to dress like a tart, or as if they are going to a fetish party. Just don't be shocked when the entire community is tarred as sexual deviants because of a few people.

Not applying this (or the above) to the OP, but when a member of the community strolls through the town square, looking like a reject from a Madonna video, is it any wonder why people raise a fuss about what bathroom CD's and Trangendered people can use?

People, in general, are idiots: they believe what they hear, without looking into the issue for themselves. When the general muggle population hears that "Transgendered people just want to get into the bathroom to molest our wives and daughters" and then see Cindy CD strolling through the Mall looking like a tramp, their preconceived notion is reinforced.

YOU (general pronoun) may not feel like an ambassador, but you are. Me? I am aware of how I present to the public, and I take great pains to try to show that I'm just like everyone else: Just a poor soul trying to live a good life.

When I came out to my family, as a Transwoman, one of my nieces candidly asked if her boys were "safe" with me. I looked at her, and said that I don't spend hours perfecting my feminine look, to chase after little boys. My ex-wife, and my adult daughter, also chimed in and told my 3 adult nieces and 1 adult nephew, that I would die before I let harm come to a child. They acknowledged that I was a "good" person, but this new wrinkle would take some time getting used to.

My point being, it is sooooo ingrained in society that CD's and Transpeople are deviants. Sexual predators and monsters. Why give fuel to the muggles?

End point before I step off my soapbox and burn it: Dress and present as you wish, for whatever reason you wish. Just be cognizant of the fact that your actions may impact others.



/end rant