not coming out

[velma]

Hi. New to this site. So here goes. Come out? No not not for me I,m afraid. Being older and now alone. Wife passed. So now able to dress as I please in my country home. I choose to keep it here. I think much easier that way. Small town people would tend to not understand or care to.
What a nice new world. Lots to learn. But alone.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Velma

Welcome to the forum you might want to put a post telling us a little about yourself in the introductions section.

Your post deserves its own thread.

The decision to come out is not for everyone.
We can only decide to do what we feel is correct for ourselves.

[Tracii G]

Welcome Velma.
I'm alone too and it makes life a lot easier. I am out to many people but that is my choice.
Don't assume small town people would not accept you for who you are is not fair to them.
Some of the most accepting people I have found live in very small rural towns.
Again welcome to the site and enjoy your stay here.

[Thelise]

Hi Velma! Go at your own pace, explore it in your own way, and keep us posted if you can!

[Bobbi46]

Hi Velma,
Welcome to the fold! I too am alone (have been for 6 years) like you and many others going out for the first time was incredibly nerve wracking but once done it became easier. And by the way I live amongst a small communityand my dressing is not a problem to any of them!

[velma]

Thank you. So very kind of you.

Velma

- - - Updated - - -

Wish I lived in a open area such as you do. Wisc, people however are not quite that way. I must admit its quite a challenge but yet exciting to think that perhaps I might get to that point where I learn the art of dress and makeup. I sure have everything I need. It all fits. Anyway back to where I was. To try and go out. Shopping here I come.

[abbiedrake]

I have a trans friend who lives in Wisconsin who thinks similarly to you, Velma. However, pay heed to Tracii and Bobbi. Fact is people aren't just a mass. Most people these days will accept you and as you participate here you'll learn plenty about ignoring the odd fool who lives in the past and is an arse about things.

Not being yourself is potentially far more damaging than the occasional slings and arrows from clownshoes.

[Micki_Finn]

pay heed to Tracii and Bobbi. Fact is people aren't just a mass. Most people these days will accept

Even the ones that AREN’T ok with it usually aren’t looking to make a scene or start an argument in public.

[abbiedrake]

That'll be why my next sentence referenced how this site can help in dealing with the scene-making idiots. 😉

[Stephanie47]

Welcome to the forum. My only suggestion is to do what is within your comfort zone. It does not make any difference if everyone is alright with your cross dressing if you are not comfortable. Many people on this forum take the show on the road to other cities or towns or to conventions of similar minded people.

[kimdl93]

Welcome Velma. I’ll echo the feeling that being alone is easier in some respect, while acknowledging that one never fully fills the void made by the loss of a loved one. As for whether you come out or not, it depends on how you wish to live your life, rather than where you are.

[sarah_hillcrest]

Hey Velma, welcome,

There's nothing wrong with not coming out, I tend to agree with you, but I'm not alone either. You should always be comfortable with your decisions. One thing to remember is you won't be alone on this forum!

[Di]

Just be yourself. No need to come out if you do not want to.

[BTWimRobin]

Hi Velma,

Welcome to our little community! There's no law that says you have to come out. Just have fun and enjoy yourself.

Robin

[Judy-Somthing]

I tried to come out to the wife two years ago, went bad!
I would say I'm a good person and she says dressing is sick!
So deep in the closet for me!

[velma]

Thank you. Hopefully someday I will meet someone in my state who will be of some comfort. Be so nice to have someone to chat with and share . Wish they had not closed the Yonkers and ShopKo stores. Loved shopping a Yonkers with the wife. Such lovely things.

- - - Updated - - -

Hi, Had the same thing in my home. Almost ruined a 40 year marriage.

- - - Updated - - -


I tried to come out to the wife two years ago, went bad!
I would say I'm a good person and she says dressing is sick!
So deep in the closet for me!

Same for me. Almost ruined a 40 year marriage. Miss her so very much but being out of the deep closet I think is gong to be a fresh new breath of air.

[docrobbysherry]

Velma, I'm a closet dresser. Which means I never go out dressed near where I live and I have no interest in going to Walmart, Denny's or Goodwill dressed!:thumbsdn:

However, I DO go out dressed a lot! To T friendly clubs/bars in nearby towns and T events in LA and Vegas! I find T girls r remarkable people and fun to socialize with. :drink:

U mite consider that sometime, now that u r free! By the way, I'm 76!:battingeyelashes:

[Michaela Jane]

Welcome Velma, I believe I am in exactly the same situation as you, for 3 years now.

[Bobbi46]

Going out is not for everybody and not the main thing in ones mind to do, the main thing to do is to be happy in what one is doing. Everybody is at a different level of going out or not as the case may be but we are all united in one thing and that is dressing, but dressing should not (imo) be a hard task or a burden it is something to be enjoyed and to be happy with doing that after all what harm is there in dressing? NONE we are all seeking our little bit bit of peace and harmony.

[Teresa]

Verlma,
No not too old I have twenty years on you and age isn't a problem for me .

Never say never , it takes time but whatever you decide the important point is you're happy . The other important point is you aren't the only one who dresses , it may be a small town but you still don't know what goes on behind closed doors .

[Bridgette Azure]

I have no interest in "coming out" either. I don't feel the need to share this part of me with anybody. However, I think one of my friends has become suspicious.

[Michaelasfun]

Welcome Velma! I have to say, in reflection, most of the things that have brought me happiness have been things I pursued alone. Makes sense, you’re the only one who knows what makes you happy. At least you have access to this forum for support and I think that will help.

[velma]

Going out is not for everybody and not the main thing in ones mind to do, the main thing to do is to be happy in what one is doing. Everybody is at a different level of going out or not as the case may be but we are all united in one thing and that is dressing, but dressing should not (imo) be a hard task or a burden it is something to be enjoyed and to be happy with doing that after all what harm is there in dressing? NONE we are all seeking our little bit bit of peace and harmony.

Thank you. I think perhaps you have opened my eyes and mind some. Maybe going out should not be a worry. Dressing is by no means a Task. What a joy it is to wake in the morning in my night time attire. Something I always thought of. Be able to choose what I would like to wear knowing I,m free to that all day long. Now the next step makeup. God I wish I had that like someone here said may be close where here at that time to help. I make a mess. But back to your thoughts yes it is nice to enjoy what You like.

[sometimes_miss]

What a joy it is to wake in the morning in my night time attire.

Me, too, Velma. After my divorce, I started routinely sleeping in girl pj's. And after a while, leaving my wig on, too (since I don't move around when I sleep, I get to wake up exactly as I went to sleep, and the feeling that I'm female when I wake up is quite comfortable).

[phili]

I think it boils down to individual personality. What parts of ourself feel private and to be preserved that way- and what parts do we want to share with others. It is TMI for me to share my preferences in lingerie and my sexuality, but it is necessary for me to share the fact of being a mirl and claiming space to wear a pretty dress and shoes, and carry a handbag- to express that recreational girlness. If the situation calls for mechanical competece that comes out too!

[velma]

Thought I might share. Not really sure if its a milestone. But as I stated I live in the country. I am a farmer. Yesterday I decided the it might be nice to (dress) as I did my chores so to speak. What a nice feeling being able to have two large closets and several dressers to choose chore cloths from. Outside I went. Tanktop,bra and capris. Of course nice sandals into the John Deere and off chopping hay. Waving to the people passing by.

[phili]

I design my own clothes now that I learned about pattern making and sewing techniques- and I am mulling over what a carpentry dress might look like- clingy is good. For outdoor gardening or tractorr work I am also visualizing a cotton romper one piece with flared shorts, and layers with pockets for small tools.. Your choice of fitted tank top and bluejean capris seems perfect too- hmmm

[Maid_Marion]

I haven't come out, as I don't think it is necessary. I do have a very feminine style, as most of my tops come out of the Juniors section at Kohls. And my shorts are now mid thigh length or shorter. I was at a party today and confirmed that I look really young, as I've done a great job of protecting my skin from the sun for the past couple of decades.

[suzy1]

I too live alone. I have lovely grown up children and its wonderful being with them.
But when I come home and shut that front door I am the other me. I am Suzy. And it never fails to give me that buzz inside. Crossdressing is not only for life but for me its the icing on the cake of life.
Welcome Velma.

[alwayshave]

Velma, there are no rules to crossdressing. Dress where and when you are comfortable.

[Angie G]

Coming out or not coming out is totally up to you Velma. And welcome to our little world hun. :hugs:
Angie

[Vickie_CDTV]

It sounds like you don't want to come out... and that is fine! In fact, you are probably better off if you don't. If you just want to dress at home that is fine, don't let others browbeat you into the idea of needing to come out and represent for others.

[velma]

Morning. Update if I may. May be coming out sooner then expected. Caught/found out by neighbor. While shopping at TJmax store about 60 miles from where I live. Checking out with some nice things a voice behind said Hi Russ. Oh shit. A neighbor lady from down the road. Anyway small talk asked how I was doing with the wife gone living alone all that type stuff. Then the bombshell commented on my good taste in clothes must be making someone happy with a wink. Said are goodbyes and went our separate ways.
this morning she called baked cookies and want to come for coffee. Asked if my friend liked the new things and would like to see how she looked in them. Now comes the real bombshell next she comments on how much she liked the Jeans I had on. My wifes. Thoughts?

[kimdl93]

Sometimes things work out. Tell her to c’mon over and be dressed as you wish, preferably in some of the clothes you purchased at TJ Max.

I wish I had neighbors who brought me cookies :)

[Tracy Irving]

Welcome to the forum, Velma.

I have written on this website about positive shopping experiences at both Steven's Point Goodwill locations (Plover is #2). Nothing to report from Waupaca (so far). I never said a word, yet both women behind their respective registers knew that the dresses were for me.

One told me about her crossdressing uncle and the other, after asking if everything fit well, offered an opinion that one of the four dresses I was buying might not work for me. It was the dress I liked the least so I took her advice. We probably talked for another 20 minutes after that.

Granted, a very small sample from the middle of Wisconsin but not far from Iola.

[velma]

Welcome to the forum, Velma.

I have written on this website about positive shopping experiences at both Steven's Point Goodwill locations (Plover is #2). Nothing to report from Waupaca (so far). I never said a word, yet both women behind their respective registers knew that the dresses were for me.

One told me about her crossdressing uncle and the other, after asking if everything fit well, offered an opinion that one of the four dresses I was buying might not work for me. It was the dress I liked the least so I took her advice. We probably talked for another 20 minutes after that.

Granted, a very small sample from the middle of Wisconsin but not far from Iola.

Thank you for the input. Your right very close. Have shopped at all three. Waupaca never seems to have much. Stevens Point has a nice selection most times, But as I said before I have a wonderful collection. Feel guilty wearing them at times but that's another story. Want to think she might understand. Your right not everyone in in the middle of the state has blinders on.
Have a nice day. See you on plover.

[Alice Torn]

Velma Thanks for sharing. I live in Lancaster Wi alone in senior apts. Would not dare go out the door as Alice here. Alone, too.

[Leslie Mary S]

Velma wecome to the group. I to am now single. Lost the wife in 2000. I live in the southern bible belt. I am 75. For a while I was deep in the closet here deep in the south.

[Barbara Black]

Welcome to the forum, especially being from Wisconsin (I'm next door in Green Bay). You'll find that (in my estimation), most of us here are older. I myself just turned 65. But you'll be able to find out a lot of things here, whether or not you ever step out of the house while dressed. Please yourself however you want and enjoy the company here.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Velma

You neighbour has obviously put all the clues together and come up with the right answer.

Who knows you may just have found someone to go shopping with.

I get the impression she knows dressing make you happy and she wont do anything to change that.

[Bobbi46]

Velma, Shelley is right on the button, your neighbour has definately put two and two together, but no harm done and yes you could have a potential good friend there and maybe advice on dressing as well? don't hide, I have found its better out in front especially if someone has twigged at what's going on, making lame excuses come back to kick one later.

[Teresa]

Velma,
I'm going to support Bobbi's comment, once you get into this situation don't go running for cover it's counter productive . If you make the decision try and stick by it , once I'd moved into my new home after my separation I made the effort to contact all my neighbours and tell them straight I'm TG , if they see a blond walking to the car or out gardening it will be me . The lady on my right has totally embraced me , the couple opposite were OK but have now decided to , " Duck and Dive !" round me , it's makes them look stupid not me . The couple on my left don't really speak to anyone but that's like a " Red rag to a bull !" for me because I'm possibly over sociable .

As others have said no one expects or forces you to go out , just do what you feel is right and are comfortable with . Remember you're not the only CDer in the World , even in a small town you never know what goes on behind other people's closed doors . Maybe take a peep in other people's shopping basket to see what they're trying to hide .