Frustration At Having To Hide My Femininity

[Girly Sara]

Hi there girls! I've been a lil bit quiet on here lately due to starting a new job but here goes...........

A bit of background first. In my last job role, i was lucky enough to be able to go into work with my nails french manicured (although i still went to work in boring male mode) without being ridiculed. I was also able to chat openly about 'Sara' to a fellow manager who was a lesbian. She would also come with me for girly nights out occasionally.

Anyway, getting to the point, i'm feeling a bit frustrated in my new role as i'm having to suppress my femininity in order to create 'a good impression'. My work place is an open-plan call centre environment where 99% of the staff are young women. What's brought these feelings to a head was yesterday when a few girls near me were talking about make-up, clothes n that. I automatically looked over and wished that i could participate in the conversations :sad: How frustrating! GGGRRRR!!!! As it is i've already aroused suspicion as a girl who was training me commented on how long my nails were. I just replied with a cheeky grin and said they've been longer. This immediately prompted her to ask if i was married? In other words "are you gay?" lol Makes me laugh! I got a bit more daring last weekend and got my eyelashes tinted black and i could tell some people had noticed. Like all of us here, i just want to be ME....SARA! Why do we have to feel dictated by society? Makes me feel angry!

I'll keep on pushing the boundaries at the new job, short of walking into the office in a skirt suit lol (if only!) I'd like to hear other people's views of similar experiences.

Speak soon and have a lovely weekend, girls!

Sara xxxx

[Lilith Moon]

Hey Sara,

Sympathies with your situation. But what I'm really posting for is to say that your avatar reminds me of the pretty UK comedienne Helen Lederer. :thumbsup:

[Sophia Rearen]

Hi Sara,
Missed you. Frustrated? Sounds awesome. Is this new role in the same company? If so, word is already out, probably. The lesbian will help you with that. I'd say take your time and do what you're doing. Long nails, light mascara, some foundation and blush. Yes, they may comment from time to time. So what? You may blush, it adds to your beauty and charm. Soon though, I'm sure they will welcome you in to their community and perhaps you will be wearing a skirt to work.

[Girly Sara]

Awww, thanks Lilith. That's very sweet, hun :)

Hey, Sophia, how ya goin' girly? Hope you're ok. Long time, no speak! :sad:

No, the role's in a new company so i'm playing it a bit safe at the moment. I do hope the girls will accept my femme side as Alan.

Sara xxxx

[Rachel Morley]

My work place is an open-plan call centre environment where 99% of the staff are young women. What's brought these feelings to a head was yesterday when a few girls near me were talking about make-up, clothes n that. I automatically looked over and wished that i could participate in the conversations :sad: How frustrating! GGGRRRR!!!!
:OMG: that would do my head in! Surrounded by all that femininity and not being allowed to join in :(

I think it's ok for you to (gently) push the boundaries at work, you might get a "gay guy of the office" type reputation, but what's wrong with that? and in any case, you and your girlfriend Michelle know the truth right? :)

[Julie Avery]

If it were a job that was important to me (decent wages, benefits, tolerable working conditions), I'd be checking out the policies and feeling my way around the corporate culture to see what the boundaries are. If the UK is like the USA, in large corporations today there are policies that tend to protect tg people. How well they're implemented, if at all, may vary from place to place.

And I hear your discomfort, Sara...wishing you all the best.

[Davinia]

Its bloody ridiculous, but being gay is accepted, but crossdressing is still seen as " perverted ". Maybe if we live long enough.......................

[Sarah Smile]

I agree with the others here. As long as the company policy itself is ok with hiring (and keeping hired) folks who stretch the norms a bit, I see no problem with it. I actually prefer to be perceived as a gay guy (by dressing femininely in male mode). For one thing, it keeps me from having to explain to all and sundry what "transgender" is. For another... it keeps the riff-raff away! ;)

[connie rotten]

I am sure you will work it all out. The real herdle seems to be getting over being new. Most girls love us sissy types.They seem to get a charge out of how well we can be just another one of the girls. You being so pretty is a real plus for exceptance. It will all come around for you.
I got a kick out of the fact you want to come to the USA. I want to go to the UK and meet my dear on line t-girl friends in person.:gorgeous:

[Ms. Donna]

Hi Sara,

I also 'bend' the dress code at work. The difference with me is I actually discussed it with our Firm's HR department. I pretty much follow the women's business casual dress code (naff pix of me dressed for work here (http://crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=25654)) and I've had no problems because of it. A few puzzled looks - but no problems. Also, gender identity and expression are included in the Firm's EEO policy, so I do have that on my side as well.

You can still incorporate some feminine elements into your traditionally 'masculine' presentation: watch, earrings - jewlary in general. Enough to jaz it up a bit, but not so as to scream 'Sara' to everyone.

Just a few thoughts.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Girly Sara]

Thanks for your additional replies, girls!

I don't really want to be seen as the 'gay guy of the office' although i have no problem with gay people (go to gay clubs at least once a month) I just wanna be ME and express myself.

I'll keep testing the water. May paint my nails with clear varnish and take it from there......

Sara xxxx

[alysonatl]

Sarah dear, I empathize with your situation. Many was the time I wanted to wear a sexy skirt suit with nylons and heels to the office, or go in wearing full makeup and it was frustrating not to do so. I was envious of those females who denied their femininity and came in wearing sloppy sweats and sneakers. They might have been comfortable, but they weren't very ladylike.

[Barb Valentine]

Hi Sara
I would just put in me time for now
until you get to know you new co-worker
and fined the ones you can trust
talk to you later
love Barb

[Gemma Rhodes]

Hi Sara,

I know exactly how you feel. I have just spent a lovely weekend as Gemma and I have posted a few pics on here but come Monday morning I have to go back to plain ole boring drab for my job. I just wish I could dress how I want to when I want to and it really annoys me too the way society looks at us and judges us.

Take care, and hope to see you again soon.

Gemma xx

[Girly Sara]

Hey girls, thanks again.

Glad you had a great weekend enfemme, Gemma and like yourself, it's always depressing having to revert to the social norm...until the next we can be ourselves.

I'd so love for someone at work to ask me if i'm a tranny as i know i'd be confident enough to say 'yes'. However, i think the first thing they will ask is whether i'm gay although i've told people i have a long-term girlfriend.

Life, life life! :sad:

Sara xxxx

[Petrina CD]

You are lucky to be able to do what you do at work now. I work in construction and the odd GG or two that show up to to mens work must dress like men, jeans heavy work boots , hardhat etc.....( yes folks , construction ,it's men's work. Hot ,sweaty,noisy and every thing weighs 200Lb's,AAAGGGHHH my back it hurts)

I did get totaly out worked by a young girl ( about 110Lb's, real pretty) who showed up to stucco a house. I couldn't belive what I was seeing, she kicked my butt when it came to who could put out the most work in 102 degree heat
.

So if all you can wear to work for now is nail polish or somthing, feel lucky!!!!!
Some of us still have to do the male bust ass work routine

When a GG walks through our jobsite we can usually smell her for about twenty minutes after she has gone. ( the perfume)

Wish I had choosen a career where I could act fem at work. When I made too many tranny jokes on one jobsite they busted me as a cd and soon there was stuff writen on the walls calling me tranny Pete this and tranny Pete that. Funny thing though is at the time I did not what they ment by "tranny".
We were there to install several transformers( electrical).It took me a while to figure out they were teasing me.( somtimes we call transformers, trannys,)
Not good to tease your forman, I made them dig a ditch. Then the next day I drove my Harley to work. At the end of the day they all wanted to sit on it and have their pics taken. I said OK with my back turned and when I turned around the biggest guy on my crew had put my leathers on and was already seated on the bike. I reminded him that he was wearing a trannys clothes!!!! We all had a good laugh. After that we joked a lot about it but I wore it like a badge of honour. I was still the forman.

Petrina cd

P.S. I hope the GG's here don't beat me up to hard for what I said.

[Kathleengurl]

IMHO: The woman who don't care for CD's will simply not swim in your end of the pool. --i don't think they'll cross the call center floor to give you a hard time. Lots of women will enjoy being able to chat makeup w/ a guy. You may come off as gay... if you are or not, there will still be eventual acceptance. ---hell, this may be the build up to you coming to work dressed. plenty of larger companies are more and more friendly.

My nails were buffed to a high gloss shine... and a girl at work who'd never (outwardly accept me as cd) DID want details on how her nails could look so good. --it's a start.
-k-

[Tamara Croft]

You are lucky to be able to do what you do at work now. I work in construction and the odd GG or two that show up to to mens work must dress like men, jeans heavy work boots , hardhat etc.....( yes folks , construction ,it's men's work. Hot ,sweaty,noisy and every thing weighs 200Lb's,AAAGGGHHH my back it hurts)I have so been there!!! I worked for a construction company a few years ago as an on site secretary and let me tell you, there's no glamming up on a building site, you have to wear those steel toe cap boots, the hard hat messing up your nice hair lol!!! Being the only female on site had it's rewards though ;)

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Sara

Glad to see you again. I work in a steel mill, and I no longer make any effort to hide my femininity. I can not wear my earrings due to safety rules, but they know I do have both ears pierced. I do wear my pink nail polish with long nails, and I wear my rings, bracelets, and ladies watch. I top it all off with perfume everyday. I also don't have any guy clothes anymore, and I do change in the wash house, so they've noticed the panties and pink socks and such.

So far, no problems. A few know about me, as a matter of fact I came out to another co-worker and friend today. His reaction? He's happy that I'm happy, and honored that I would trust him with this information. The rest are talking about me behind my back, they'll all know the rest soon enough.


Karen

[Kitty Sue]

I'm in the army for another 10 months so I understand having to hide who you are. I cannot wait to get out and just be Kitty Sue when I feel the need. I hate the deceit and am growing tired of all the macho talk and homophobic talk. It will be so nice to get out and be able to spend a romantic evening dressed in heels and little black dress with iether a cute guy or girl(TG/GG).

[sherri]

I've never worked in or seen a call center, but it sounds like a place and job in which dressing would not hinder your performance or otherwise cause problems. In fact, it sounds like an ideal place of employment for a CD.

I can't tell from your post if you're wanting to dress all the way or just add some fem touches to your appearance. Assuming you would prefer the former, the first question I would ask myself is whether going femme could jeopardize my job or hurt my chances for advancement. If the answer to those questions is no, I don't think I would take the surreptitious approach. Instead, I would give the situation a little time in order to establish myself as a good employee and coworker, then I would talk to the HR person or manager and be upfront about my wish to cross over.

As has been pointed out in similar threads, however, if your management is willing to go along with your desire, they're probably not going to want to see you switching back and forth between drab and femme. If you go fem, they'll want you to stay that way. Are you up for that?

It would be a dream come true for me.

[jillinla]

For what it's worth

I agree with Bar
Put ur time in so that the Company and more importantly the people that u work
with see u as YOU

Once that is done ur difference will be of interest/of discussion perhaps -
but still of you - their co-worker - not a stranger
don't invole HR unless u have to
HR is there for the Company - not for u

[sherri]

don't invole HR unless u have to
HR is there for the Company - not for u
Do you honestly think she could just show up in a dress one day without HR getting involved? Sounds like a recipe for trouble to me. Sometimes there's something to be said for asking for forgiveness rather than permission, but I think this is too big an issue for that. Better, I think, to go through channels and demonstrate an attitude of cooperative consideration.

In my experience, not all HR depts are created equal. I've dealt with hardasses, but I've also dealt with some who genuinely try to be a liason for both the company and the employee. I guess that's one of the things she could find out by taking her time.

[Girly Sara]

Hi there girls!

Want to apologize to the girls who made the additional replies as i've overlooked this thread (been very busy lately)

It's getting a lil bit more interesting at work as i'm starting to express myself more. The other day, a girl in the office said about herself "I'm only lady-like at the weekends". Anyways, i replied " Yeah, it's the same for me" with a cheeky grin. Another girl (who had previously mentioned about my long nails) said "Ha ha! Your secret's out now!" I said with a grin "Live and let live"

Also got onto the subject of exfoliation, spray tans, gel pads for achy feet in heels. I speak very 'matter of fact', not blushing or looking nervous so i think the girls can relate to this.

I'm also starting to wear my pink shirts to work again. Had started out wearing blue and white shirts but now wearing what i like best.

It would be nice to hear GG's views on this. Would you automatically think i was a tranny, gay etc etc. Just curious.

Anyway, take care girls and speak soon.

Hugs from Sara xxx

[Girly Sara]

I guess no further no comment on this then? ;)

Sara x

[Caitlintgsd]

I just started a new job a few months ago as well. And trying to maintain a subdued appearance. It's difficult as a result of, uhm, hormonal developments.

[Julie Avery]

Caitlin, it sounds like the position you're in has made you an mtf cd with an ftm cd's problem. Hopefully it won't get any more complicated than that :)

[Annesah]

Kitty Sue! Thanks for your service to our country! Young Girls like you will make a change in the culture. You have plenty of time to enjoy being who you are. It will come true. Be all that you can be. :happy: Stay safe. Best Swishes, Annesah

[dancinginthedark]

Hi there Sara,
Sorry I didn't see your thread sooner. I just joined the site a few weeks ago and the GG forum even more recently. So I have been bopping back and forth a lot.
I worked with a gentleman for several years. He was fond of pastels and loved to have his hair done etc He was also out going, compassionate, and a wonderful friend. I didn't think he was gay but wondered if he might be bi-sexual at first. But the longer I knew him the more I learned about him as a person. [It never accrued to me to simply ask and even if it had I didn't know much about CD.] Obviously not gay, IMHO, since he flirted like mad. And why would a gay man be looking at Pent House? Also I found out later he was married with children.
This surprised me not so much because of how he dressed [clear nail polish, ladies jeans, and more pastels than I normally wore at work]but because he was such a flirt and he had a girl-friend too. [A stripper no less :D ] So the idea of a wife was a bit of a surprise. :eek:
I know others did believe he was gay. I think he actively encouraged that belief. Being thought of as gay by the guys made it easy for him. You see because the guys believed that none of them even batted an eye if he openly propositioned their wife’s/gf or even copped a feel. He got by with tons of stuff because the other guys saw him as no threat to them.
We girls on the other hand loved talking with him because he "got" it and understood us. We didn’t see his flirting as the other guys at the place saw it. We were flattered and if the guys chose to see him as just some gay guy it made going shopping and out to lunch with him that much easier for us. No having to explain or talk them into it since it was, “What? You want to spend the day with Steve? Oh okay. Sure, no problem.” They never seemed to notice the differences in how Steve was. Sure he had his girly moments or days and other times he was in full male mode and appreciated women just as much as the next fellow. As a bonus for the GG;s there he was always up for calling off work because of a sale or when we [GG’s] needed some cheering up.
I never got away with hair hanging down and sloppy because he would insist on doing something with that mop. :o I know he was much better at doing something with my waist length hair than I was. Frankly I enjoyed the attention and the friendship. How many guys are willing to help you out on a bad hair day? Heck how many even know you are having one. :rolleyes:
I worked later at a Cellular Company as a customer rep and we had two males who pushed the dress code many have when it comes to how a male shoud dress. By this point in life [my forties] I no longer worried or wondered much about someone’s sexual preference [not my business anyway] or how they choose to live their life/dress. [Again not my business and really does it matter what he/she wears if they are good people. I mean they will still be good people no matter what they have on.]
So would it bother me to work with you? No not a bit. [You are lovely BTW] I might even ask you for some advise. I have found most of the "ladies" here have given things I take for granted [make-up and clothing] to a new level and frankly I could use the help. ;)
I think your approach of going it slowly and only a bit here and there is a good one. The only other real advise I can give is to listen to Sherri's, and some of the others, point of approaching HR for help/advise and not just going it alone. No point in risking your job. Those benefits/guidelines/rules/protection/laws are there for a reason. Not every one is kind and accepting. Best of luck to you.

[SherriePall]

Sara -- First off, good luck on your new job. Secondly, I admit following dancinginthedark is a hard act to follow. She made some wonderful points. As for me, I have a much harder time not being able to join in on some of the girl talk. Or sharing things such as my favorite color for a pedicure (It really kills me in the summer when a lot of them wear open toes or sandals). I can let the fingernail polish and such go (although my toes are usually painted in the winter). And while at home and usually on weekends I underdress a little, I don't press my luck at work. It's not that I have a macho job because I work with a woman who outdoes me by double workwise. However, it is a factory and it is in an area that is still behind the times on certain things and it is in an area where everyone knows everyone else.
So, what I'm saying is try to take it slow. Get settled in first and then take it from there.

[Girly Sara]

Hey girls, thanks so much for your additional comments.

Dancing In The Dark: It's lovely to hear of your non-judgmental attitude to us 'girls' and thanks for your compliment hun. It's very much appreciated.

I don't think that approaching HR would be beneficial to me as this may draw unnecessary attention to myself. As mentioned i'll play it safe and take things slow. Today, i brought in some hand cream and left it prominently on my desk in it's girly pink tube. Even had a couple of girls ask if they could borrow some which i naturally obliged. To further invite curiosity in me, i today commented how nice a girl's new hair style looked (genuine observation i must add) and also a girl's nails. I must be making some people's imaginations run wild but at the end of the day, i'm just being ME and don't show any signs of embarassment or awkwardness.

I'm thinking of painting my nails with clear varnish for work tomorrow. Next it'll be a subtle french manicure and then WHITE tips! I feel bare without painted nails and let's face it, what harm am i doing?

Anyway, speak soon girls!

Sara xxxx

[Girly Sara]

Hi girls!

Just wanted to share a nice experience i had at work today. In my message (above) i said i was going to wear clear nail varnish to work. Well, for the past two days, i have done. Anyway, no comment made yesterday. However, today, whilst me and my work colleagues were across the road for a work pub lunch, i noticed the girl opposite me looking at my nails. Without warning she then said "Oh, i like your long nails. They're lovely!" I was overjoyed although i felt a lil bit embarrassed as others could hear her. In any case i held my hands out to show em off. The girl next to her made a bit of an adverse comment in the sense of saying that she wouldn't want her man to have long nails as it's weird. I looked the girl in the eye and said "Well, i like long nails and it's how i express myself" I followed on by saying i wasn't gay (why i said this i do not know) The girl then back tracked and said that she didn't mean anything by it and said she had gay friends anyway.

The girl who originally mentioned to me that she liked my nails said quietly "Do you have patterns on your nails? I said i haven't but was going to have a french manicure done after work. She smiled.

I was so happy that my true self was being recognised by the girls that when we got back to the office, i e-mailed the girl who complimented me. Basically said thanks for her understanding. She replied back by saying that i didn't have to thank her and that we "all have our secrets" and that she hated small-minded people. I think it's safe to say she probably knows that i'm a tranny!

Just got back from having my nails french-manicured for my girly night out this weekend but i don't think i'll be brave enough to go back after Easter with my nails like that :sad: Oh well!

Anyway, i hope i haven't bored anyone and hope you all have a lovely weekend!

Love Sara xxx

[Julie Avery]

That is a neat account, Sara, glad I got to read it.

Your nails are the way you've just got to let your real self fly a flag in your new work setting, and something as seemingly small as a brief encounter with a compliment went straight to the heart - yours, and mine.

[Caroline Simmons]

In my job for Royal Mail the male and female uniform are so similar I guess I could get away with wearing the female version . but think is no one would never notice quite boring really. in my 16 years there I’ve only ever seen one female postie in a skirt. So my next uniform order 7 blouses 4 female slacks
then go to work as Caroline


Caroline xxx

[sharifemme]

Davinia....

It's not really bloody ridiculous at all! The gays have been actively working for equality for years and their involvement level is a lot higher than the TGs. They have earned everything they have gained and we tend to hide in the closet and ask them to carry our cause along with theirs. If we want to be seen as other than perverts by society, we need to get out there and work for what we want. Go out, be seen, maybe do some volunteer work, get involved in GLBT functions, treat others with respect, and support equality for every law-abiding community of peoples. Holy Mackeral! I hope I'm not offending anyone here. I don't mean to lecture - just spitting out my thoughts and ideas.:)

Sharifemme




Its bloody ridiculous, but being gay is accepted, but crossdressing is still seen as " perverted ". Maybe if we live long enough.......................