When did you first realize you were not alone?

[Stephanie Julianna]

I was probably 7 or 8 when I was old enough for my Mom to send me up to the main street in our town to buy her cigarettes. The United Cigar Store, which also sold paperback books, newspapers, sundries, and even had a soda fountain (remember them?) displayed all the newspapers on a long shelf on the wall opposite the register. Legitimate newspapers and rag sheets were laid out showing the cover pages clearly. I first saw Midnight News, a real rag, showing cover stories every now and then of Christine Jorgensen but I always thought she looked like a guy in a dress. (I guess I started early wanting to pass at some point and kids can read us better than anyone.) It was not until I was 12 (1961) and already dressing for 6 years that something turned my head and I started to dream of the possibilities. There on the cover of the paper was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen but the bold print said "Beauty was once a Man". I started to sweat. I had to have this paper and grabbed it and put it down on the counter and said it was for my mother and also asked for a pack of her Chesterfield Regulars. The guy didn't blink and I had my prize. I snuck in the house and ran up to my room to hide the paper and then delivered the cigs to my mom. When I went back to the paper my world changed forever. The story was about a Brit called April Ashley. I was in love with her immediately and amazed that someone born a boy could look that amazing. That was a watershed experience for me and unlike Jorgensen, I identified with April's need to be female. Now I was not alone. I'd love to hear your first realizations.

[BrendaPDX]

I don't think I had a "watershed" moment, only a gradual realization/acceptance of my own feelings. But do remember the first dress I bought at a thrift store in early high school, it fit perfectly.

[Robertacd]

Honestly I don't think it was until I found forums like this one.

I was alone all my life, until I was almost 40. Which probably explains why I have such a hard time talking about it, I don't even know how to.

I mean I knew there others out there, but that was really no comfort.

[Angie G]

I don't know how long it was till I knew I wasn't alone maybe 5 or 6 years into dressing. :hugs:
Angie

[Thelise]

Steph J, so you're saying that the goddess in the images is/was a CD and in a paper called Midnight News, in 1961, which you could buy at a news outlet on the street?

[docrobbysherry]

When I showed up HERE! Over 12 years ago!:hugs:

[LydiaL]

I was pretty much on my own for years as a crossdresser. The evolution of the Internet changed that and I joined my first forum about a dozen years ago. Communication with others since has been so wonderful.

[April Rose]

Stephanie, I had to laugh when I read your story about buying your mom's cigarettes when you were 7. I was about the same age when my aunt started sending me with a note to the local pharmacy to buy her cigarettes. A school yard was next door where some of the local "big kids" would hang out, and eventually they found out what I was doing. I don't remember if they copied the notes exactly or just wrote their own, but pretty soon, and for the rest of that summer, I was supplying the neighborhood. I don't know if the people at the Pharmacy were oblivious or just didn't care, but it certainly was different from the way it is nowadays.

As far as my "you are not alone" moment, It came when I moved to Boston in the early seventies, and started seeing, and trying out, the personal ads from "transvestites" in "The Phoenix" and "Boston After Dark" underground newspapers.

[Rhonda Jean]

I was 18 when Renee Richards appeared on the cover of SI. I was a freshman into community college, and spent a lot of time in the library looking at those pics over and over.

I still lived at home. I had shoulder blade length hair and rolled my hair most nights and slept in curler. I didn't wear skirts or dresses, but I wore girl's slacks, jeans, and shorts (because they fit better! Ha!), often wore girl's tops, girl's stacked heels (pretty much like boys except a little higher and narrower heel), long nails with clear polish, and a little concealer. I had been shaving my legs since like the 7th grade. My parents were super strict in most ways, but I had A LOT of latitude in the way I dressed and wore my hair. Sounds crazy now that we live in such an information-rich time, but I didn't know there was a name for what I was doing, or that there was anything "wrong" with it. At the same time I became aware of Renee Richards, I also found out that even what I was doing was a BIG deal, and maybe I shouldn't be so open about it.

[Shayna]

I think it was seeing an episode of Donahue about cross dressing

[Christie ann]

I knew there were a few out there just from news stories about transvestism but wasn’t until alt.fashion in the pre WWW days, that I found such a large community. There was some one named Bill (I think) who posted often and wore skirts and shaved his legs. I thought that wa pretty cool and it started me down the path of acceptance of myself.

[Jenny22]

Back in the late 60s when I first saw magazines of TVing, then paperbacks. These and TRANSVESTIA became regular purchases. Virginia Prince was my hero.

[Michellebej]

That's a tough one.

I always thought of myself as a girl and was always surrounded by girls, and never thought of myself being alone in a gender specific way. I did learn early on to pretend to be a boy, and did it very well.

When I was somewhere between 5 and 7 we lived on base in military housing. All the Dads were overseas in Vietnam and by statistical coincidence my neighborhood was 100 percent female, well...except for me. I lived with my Mom, Great Grandmother ( who always called me Michelle to my Mothers indignation), and my three sisters. I had a best named Terri and we used to play dress up together. Her Mom was a performer of some sort and had the most beautiful clothes. I had longish hair and Terri and I would run around in her dresses until we were at a local Short Stop store when my Dad, who had literally just stopped there on the way home from returning from Vietnam stopped in. Well, he really didn't recognize me till Terri said something and, lo and hehold he really did not get angry. I did get a stern talking to about the difference between a boy and a girl.

That was the moment I felt different and alone for the first time.

We lived at the time at the Presidio of San Francisco and unfortunately I saw a lot of men in dresses with beards and hairy legs who were just not good role models; at least for me. It had the negative effect on me. I did not want to be like them.

Finally when I was 16/17 I went to work for an Antique dealer who was friends with my parents. He was gay, but really not your typical SF Gay man. He was just a regular guy who happened to be gay. His partner was a hetero female who was deeply in love with him...anyway

What that meant was that I was somewhat immersed in the 70s LGBT culture in San Francisco. And to be honest I never felt part of it.

However; one day I came to work and there was this stunning older woman. I guess she was in her 50s and dressed in a vintage 40s black lace dress with seamed stockings and heels that were not quite stilletos, but were not quite "not stilletos". Her hair was perfect as was her make up. I think I was in love.

Her name was Kay, she was a client of my bosses. She had just bought a new home in Pacifica Heights and was looking for things to furnish it. Long story short I ended up working for her that summer moving things, painting ect. Somewhere in there I noticed that Kay had an adams apple. I made a joke of it to her at lunch and she smiled and looked at me and explained to me who she really was.

Somewhere in there I started to cry, and just couldn't stop. She hugged me and asked what was wrong and I told her who I really was. She became my second Mom. We had a very chaste and happy friendship. She taught me a lot and let me try on her clothes and keep my own at her place. She took me on my first outing and got me to open up. Lol, it's funny the things you remember. She had an extremely high thread count blonde wig, that was my first wig, as I had to keep my hair cut short till I went out on my own at 18. I have never found another wig like that since then. She willed it to me when she passed in 2003.

[Stephanie Julianna]

First, Thelise, April Ashley is not a crossdresser. She transitioned and had her surgery prior to that article. April was all woman by that time. Just Google her and you can read and see what she accomplished and how she aged gracefully.
Michelle, your story is amazing and very personal. I was touched that you shared it with us. Thank you. I am sure that there are parts of that story that many here can relate to as I did.

[Teresa]

Stephanie J.,
I really had to think hard about that moment when I discovered men dressed as women , it may have been a newspaper article featuring Danny La Rue when he first entered the scene . My dressing had nothing do with thoughts of transtion then but I remember being amazed a guy could look amazing in beautiful gowns when fully made up . It probably did set a seed knowing it could happen .

[Robertacd]

Michelle, that is a beautiful story it made me cry.

[Angela Marie]

Wen I went to my first party. The diversity both amazed and pleased me.

[NancySue]

I began partially dressing around 8-9, thanks to our next door neighbors daughters who often played “dress up”. They asked me if I’d like to join them...which I did..and enjoyed dressing...especially their nylon stockings. Around 11 or 12, I became really concerned about my feelings. So, I went to a library to do some research. There wasn’t much information available but I read enough to realize I was not alone. Over the years, I’ve continued research looking for more information about the “why’s”. I learned there are so many types of us, each with his own background and needs. In the last decade, there is now much more information available. I’ve given up on the “why’s” and accept myself for what I am. My wife’s help and support has been indispensable.

[kimdl93]

Wow, lots of great stories. I probably first realized there were transsexuals and transvestites some time in the mid 60s, and most likely from regular news magazines. I didn’t quite know what I was at the time, but felt an unsettling feeling that ‘whatever they had, I had’, and that it might show if I wasn’t careful. Anyone remember the female impersonator that did the Sullivan show and other 60s variety shows. Wasn’t a fan of the music or impersonations, it I was always self conscious when he appeared.

But when it gets down to it, I never corresponded with or even was aware of another transwoman until I joined this site.

[RADER]

I new for sure when I joined this Forum,
I remember back in he days o Christen Jorgasone when she transition, Big write up in the papers.
Rader

[Lana Mae]

I did not realize until I came to this Forum! I did not put 2&2 together until then or not in my waking self! I was aware of Transvestites! The one that sticks out to me was sitting on the ground and being teased and insulted by older kids and was not happy at all! I really felt sorry for him/her! I remember the "TV Boutique" and reading various porn on the subject which was mostly off base! I am glad it is 2019 and we have the internet to get a better appreciation of who we are! Hugs Lana Mae

[KarenSusan]

Sometime during the 80's I was sitting in a library looking for information on transvestites and in one of the books I found someone had stuck a business card advertising a CD support group in San Francisco. It was the first time I realized that there were other people like me and they weren't that far away. Bless the person that put that card in the book.

[abbiedrake]

I knew I wasn't the only one from the first time I put on my then wife's wedding dress in my 20s and remembered myself, sister, and mother catching my father en femme on an early return home one day. Though I myself didn't start actually dressing until more than 20 years later (the wedding dress was a charity thing, or do I thought /claimed).

There were fairly frequent female impersonators in TV, including, as referenced by Teresa, Danny La Rue. My grandmother LOVED her.

As for the slightly different question of when did I come to terms with myself this way, it came at two points. One was the confrontation with Wifeling about my knickers when she said angrily 'just admit it, you're a tranny'. The next day I tried a dress of hers and found she was right. Lol

The second was upon coming up with my femme name. That innocuous act of self-acceptance, I now feel, ended years of internal conflict. A coupla days later I joined this site and a week later I cemented that watershed by quitting drinking after 30 years. Other drastic changes in my life have occurred since too. And I chalk it all up to resolving that inner conflict and self-denial.

Some really nice, interesting stories. Thanks ladies.

[Stephanie47]

The best magazine at my local corner store (Raven's) was Playboy. Hardly the magazine for boys interested in wearing women's clothing. I really never had anything inkling I was a cross dresser. When I was entering puberty everything I heard concerning men who wore clothing was they were homosexuals although the terms back then were "queers, faggots, fruits" and other vile terms. I assumed I was gay which really was confusing because I lusted after young women and starlets. The only visual images of anything related to cross dressing was a Michael Salem shop in midtown Manhattan. If I was in the area I would slowly walk past the store window. It wasn't until later I learned that shop catered to cross dressers.

I never knew a cross dresser. Still don't. It wasn't until at least post 1978 (31 years old) that I got an inkling about the turmoil of being a cross dresser. Yes, my wife knew of my desires. There was a couple several houses down the street. There was buzzing going around they got a divorce because she found out he was a cross dresser. There was another cross dresser in the neighborhood who could not take the oppression anymore. He committed suicide. I still remember his last name. The newspaper reported he set his house on fire and kept the firefighters at bay by shooting at them. The grizzly details in the newspaper stated his charred remains were found in his recliner and his charred heels were still strapped to his ankles. Hell of a way to find out you're not alone in this world.

Except for this site I still have zero contact with any man who needs and enjoys wearing women's clothing.

[Michellebej]

I knew I wasn't the only one from the first time I put on my then wife's wedding dress in my 20s and remembered myself, sister, and mother catching my father en femme on an early return home one day. Though I myself didn't start actually dressing until more than 20 years later (the wedding dress was a charity thing, or do I thought /claimed).

There were fairly frequent female impersonators in TV, including, as referenced by Teresa, Danny La Rue. My grandmother LOVED her.

As for the slightly different question of when did I come to terms with myself this way, it came at two points. One was the confrontation with Wifeling about my knickers when she said angrily 'just admit it, you're a tranny'. The next day I tried a dress of hers and found she was right. Lol

The second was upon coming up with my femme name. That innocuous act of self-acceptance, I now feel, ended years of internal conflict. A coupla days later I joined this site and a week later I cemented that watershed by quitting drinking after 30 years. Other drastic changes in my life have occurred since too. And I chalk it all up to resolving that inner conflict and self-denial.

Some really nice, interesting stories. Thanks ladies.

Abbiedrake, big congradulations on 30 years sober. That is so great! I come from an alcholic family and know the challenges you face/faced. A big hug! You deserve it!

[Jenny22]

Michelle, your story tugged at my heart strings.

[Tracii G]

2008 when I joined here.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I guess we all saw the vaudeville acts where Milton Berle or Bob Hope crossdressed as part of their act. I also remember Flip Wilson (aka Geraldine) on TV. But, they were always caricatures of women.

In New Orleans once, I went to a strip show, where the "female" strippers were actually men. But they were performers.

In the early 80s, I lived in Mountain View, CA, a short ride from San Francisco. Somehow, I heard about the Halloween celebration in the Gayborhood on Castro Street. My wife an I went down together. It was a festival of LGBT people all expressing themselves in their own way. However, all of the men that I saw were dressed in some flamboyant outfit, and didn't look like regular girls.

Around 2005, , when I was over 50, I went to a Girdles and Lace convention, and I saw this really beautiful girl wearing a skirt suit. When I looked closer, I figured out that she was a crossdresser, but one that wanted to blend in. I was entranced by her, but too afraid to talk to her. But, I consider her my first sighting of a crossdresser in the wild.

A few years after that, I found this forum. There was a girl drom DC on the forum. and we arranged to meet at the only gay bar in Northern Virginia.

[DanielleDubois]

Anyone remember the female impersonator that did the Sullivan show and other 60s variety shows. Wasn’t a fan of the music or impersonations, it I was always self conscious when he appeared.



You are probably thinking of Jim Bailey https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Bailey_(entertainer)

He did wonderful impersonations of especially Barbra Striesand and Peggy Lee. As a young teenager I marvelled at the fake cleavage he created and thin eyebrows, long nails etc. and subconsciously I think that is where I started to want every little detail of my transformation to Danielle to be perfect. Like you I was always a little worried my parents would notice I was paying a little too much attention to his performance. Many years later he was character on a couple of episodes of the show Night Court with John Laroquette and could still transform into quite a passable woman with a feminine voice.

[Patience]

I remember my grandmother singing to me. I might have been three or four.

I think that’s when I became aware that other people existed.

[Crissy 107]

I saw an ad for Michael Salem’s in the back of a Penthouse magazine and could not believe it. It showed a young guy dreaming of being a beautiful girl. I’m thinking, that’s me. I called the next day and went into NYC and walked past the store and looked in but was too afraid to go in. I left and the next week I went back to NYC and did get the nerve to go in and I bought my first panties, garter belt and stockings. I was in absolute heaven and could not wait to go home and try them on.
I can remember that with great fondness. Some fun for sure.

[abbiedrake]

Abbiedrake, big congradulations on 30 years sober. That is so great! I come from an alcholic family and know the challenges you face/faced. A big hug! You deserve it!

LOL. Sober 7 months after 30 years of drinking, sadly. And I'd love to complain it's been hard but apart from the occasional twinge it has been fine. I quit overnight and have stayed that way. And despite the passing of my mother-in-law, my wife being diagnosed with breast cancer, losing a very beloved cat, and suffering some health setbacks myself, not to mention a lousy birthday, I've really not been tempted. Again, I chalk it up to the fact that coming up with a femme name was important enough that it resolved so much for me, even though I didn't realise it at the time.

Oh the trouble I could have saved were it 30 years sober. Still thank you very much.

[Molly Wells]

I remember seeing Christine Jorgenson on Johnny Carson and realized that there were others like me out there. Around that same time I heard the word "transvestite" and went to the library to look it up and learned that what I was experiencing was not unique. This was all back in the early sixties. We've come a long way since then.
When I first entered into the use of the World Wide Web was when I really discovered and began to understand that there are many more of us than I imagined and found new ways to express myself and find acceptance.

Molly

[Cheryl T]

I suppose my first inkling was when I heard of Christine Jorgensen as she returned from Sweden after surgery.
I was still too young to fully appreciate the moment. I was dressing and hiding and fearful, but not really cognizant of it all.

I think the WOW moment came much later when I was old enough to enter an adult bookstore and saw all the magazines and papers like Female Mimic and such. That's when I truly realized that this was not a solo act and that it had a cast of thousands. After that I came to contact others and found just how diverse we are as a group and discovered my path in the woods. Over the last 20 years that path has become my trail to somewhere and I'm still following it not knowing exactly where it leads.
But ... I know I'm not alone with the wolves.

[sara66]

When I was about 7 or 8 my parents had a party, and one of their friends was a nurse. I was sitting at the top of the stairs listening to all that was going on, when they start talking about sex change surgery. I was totally intrigued. But at the time there was no way to real research these kind of things. I did realize after much thought while it might be fun to be a girl for awhile, I just liked wearing their clothes Back in the mid 70's on All in the Family they had a female impersonator. This was the first times I realized there were men who dressed as women. Then on Donahue in the late 70's was the first time I heard of transvestites. I was a tween or early teenager when I figured out that is what I was.

Sara

[Bobbi46]

When you go the toilet at the dead of night not switching the light on, hitching your nightie up and sitting down and then your partner/so also comes in and sits down on top of you! then you know you are not alone!!

[Gillian Gigs]

There was a time when I thought that I was the only boy in the whole world that was wearing his mother's lingerie. A friend of mine loaned me some of his magazines. In back of one of these girly mags, I found the advertising for Michael Salem of New York. I was about 13 at the time, this was a time of relief, to know that I was not alone. Then through looking I discovered that there were many others, but they kept their world hidden for the most part. Surprisingly the library was helpful in getting more information about "transvestites", than any other sources. I spent many hours trying to figure out a way to order something from Michael Salem's without anyone finding out, but I never did find a way.

[beckymarie]

For me it was when I discovered the book Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (*But Where Afraid to Ask) by David Reuben hidden in my parents' room when I was about 11 or 12. It opened by eyes to many things.

[Molly Wells]

For me it was when I discovered the book Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (*But Where Afraid to Ask) by David Reuben hidden in my parents' room when I was about 11 or 12. It opened by eyes to many things.

I had that book but it disappeared out of my dresser drawer. Busted by mom.. LOL I was about 13.

Molly

[Crissy 107]

When you go the toilet at the dead of night not switching the light on, hitching your nightie up and sitting down and then your partner/so also comes in and sits down on top of you! then you know you are not alone!!
If we were to vote on the best post in this thread I think this would win! Just too funny Bobbi!

[Stephanie Julianna]

I totally agree with Crissy. Thanks Bobbi. I also had a pet ant I named Spot.

[Cristy2]

Good question. Unfortunately, I do not have a good answer because up until a few short years ago I spent most of my life trying to run and hide from who I am.

[alwayshave]

Mine was when I saw the ad Michael Salem's in the back of various adult magazines.

[Teresa]

Great one Bobbi ! But you should also tell people you have numerous power cuts in the storm months and also some very interesting friends but I understand not all wear nighties !!!

[Karmen]

I knew quite early on that men dress up as women in movies, theatre and in music industry as part of performances, but I only realised how wide spread this is among ordinary men as well, when I saw it on the internet. I assumed I was not the only one doing that, but I never thought crossdressing is so common practice among men, because you rarely see crossdressers in public even today and 25 years ago were even less common sight in our country.

[RaleighwoodTGirl]

I knew about Renee Richards, but when I first heard David Bowie's song "Rebel, Rebel" in the mid-70's I realized that crossdressing was a lot more common than I had ever known!

These were the pre-Internet days, and the libraries I had access to had little to nothing on the subject.

[Ericka_d]

As a non binary person. I feel alone most of the time. I don't feel like I fit in the crossdresser or trans spectrum. Its too complicated to explain here.

[Helen_Highwater]

I suppose subconsciously I knew others existed from an early age but that was more to do with drag acts/female impersonators on the TV than anything else. Once I entered the world of work at 18 it was the sexist, homophobic "work place banter" that let me know that dressing wasn't something you admitted to. Not if you wanted to be in with the crowd.

It was getting that first 286 processor powered PC that gave me an insight into what was out there but even so the internet was a limited commodity and real information scarce.

I'd been going out for drives at night, changing in the car in a quiet layby, wearing my SO's jumble sale cast offs for many years until my work alowed me to work from home and that allowed me to dress for extended periods.

So by now the internet had grown, photo sharing sites such as flickr were a treasure trove of pics of many many dressers and at that point I knew I wasn't techically alone in what I did. However it was finding this site that truly opened my eyes to the true scale and scope of our community.

It's been said many times but it's worth repeating, this site and the good folk here were a revelation and without the support given I wouldn't be where I am today.

It's that enabling that promts me to once a year offer to meet up with anyone who cares to join me for a drink and a chat. I want to give something back and help anyone struggling to make that first step out. It's meeting your first other dresser face to face that really really lets you know you're not alone.

[Stephanie Julianna]

Thank you Helen for you comments about this site I agree with everything you have said. I have so many people here that I want to meet someday. i have met only five girls from here but hope to expand that in the coming years.

[DMichele]

Stephanie,
Wow reading the responses takes me back, way back. The first indication that I had that I was not alone were probably the scandal (rag) papers that covered TV stories on the front page. I lived very close to a combo news agency gift shop. Then it was the Playboy and Penthouse Magazines; and talk shows such as David Frost and Donahue. Finally, I discovered on-line CD communities about 1996.

[Davina2833]

Crissy,

So true!

Davina

[Bobbi46]

I think one is never totally alone but applied to us girls life can feel very lonely indeed, yes being able to know like minded sisters is a boon and takes away completely the feeling of "Am I the only one?"
Any body is welcome to pay a flying visit to my little haven of dressing tranquility here in the very depths of rural south west France.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

I remember when I was in college that I read an article about crossdressing in Playboy. The article had sarcastic overtones, but reading the needs to crossdress from the interviewees resonated loudly. I knew exactly what they were saying & feeling.

[Lacey New]

Like Crissy and others, I remember seeing small ads in the back pages of Penthouse and maybe Platboy for Michael Salem’s Boutique in NYC. The ad was a drawing of a very androgynous looking young person obviously dreaming of a nice looking female in lingerie. I was fascinated by it and I thought that, yes, there might be a few boys/ men like me but it must be such a very few and given the small size and subtle tone of the ad, it struck me as something that only a CD would be interested in. Not something that “real men” looking at the rest of the magazine would be interested in. In fact, I took particular care not to look too closely at that small ad when other guys were around. I never got to go there. Later, in the early days of the internet, I became aware of a publication called TV/TS Tapestry. It may still be around. Again, I still thought our population was quite small. It was not until the advent of high sped internet and google and even this forum that I began to realize that there are more than just a few of us and even some in our own state and town.

[JennniferMcC]

October 1988: Philadelphia Magazine published an article by Carol Saline called FUNNY GIRL about Renaissance Transgender Association and one of its founders. Game changer for me. Wish I could find an online copy of that article. Foolishly threw it away years ago in a purge.

[Barbara Black]

I have to admit that getting into this forum became my 'other' person who crossdressed. Until then it was either a fad or a fetish, including for myself. Now I see how many people there are that crossdress, and how many of them aren't automatically gay. I also see that my concern for human rights has exploded due to the injustices done to many of our ilk in the LGBTQ community.

[Ressie]

There was an article on transexuals or transvestites in Life magazine in the '60s that made me aware that there were Crossdressers out there. I had very little experience with it at that time but I tried on my first dress around 1966 for some reason (and found it very exciting).

Next there was an article in our local newspaper (or it might have been the Detroit Freepress) about guys that got together with other guys at special events where they all cross dressed completely for the weekend. I remember one of them say that they just had a different pastime than most guys.

It's not so much that I didn't feel alone anymore. It was more like I wanted to be one of them and felt that I would some day!

[Lux]

In the mid 90’s I came across across a CD internet blog from a married crossdresser named Heather. I can’t remember the website name but it was something like “Heather Crossdressing Heaven” or something like that. She was from Colorado and would post stories about traveling to Greek islands (Mykonos?) as a female couple and have the best times, including bikini photos!

Then many, many years later I saw her (and her wife) at a club in Denver and very shyly approached them. The website was long gone but I wanted her to know that her stories of going out dressed up especially with her wife, really inspired me as a young crossdresser. They were both amazingly sweet and even gave me their phone number!

[Diane Smith]

In 1966, at age 9, I came across a review in Look magazine about Harry Benjamin's breakthrough book, "The Transsexual Phenomenon." That was the first thing I'd read about TG issues that suggested there were others like me. Even by then, though, I was already vaguely familiar with Christine Jorgenson's story because my mother had mentioned it to me at some point. And I had already been dabbling at crossdressing for a few years by then.

Oddly enough, within a few months, my grandfather actually bought a copy of Benjamin's book and left it out around their house while he was reading it. I sneaked glances at it a few minutes at a time until I had eventually read the whole thing. I've never been quite certain why my grandpa had that book but looking back, think he may have had some TG tendencies of his own. It was never discussed in the family, however, and he died when I was 14 so I never had the opportunity to bring it up with him.

- Diane

[Ressie]

Diane, thanks for refreshing my memory that it was Look magazine rather than Life. I just found Harry Benjamin's book in a downloadable PDF.

[Cynthia T]

It may have been on one of the two or three occasions when my parents caught me crossdressing. My Dad brought out out several articles from our newspaper and Time magazine, all talking about criminals! disguising themselves as women!!
I didn't get the realization that there were more of me from that. But later on I found other magazine articles that (thankfully) were more supportive.

[Alice Torn]

I started experimenting with my sister and moms stuff around age 13/ I though i was the only one on earth with this "perverse" problem. I thought i must be weird, and I think my sister and mom realized i was getting into their things, but they said nothing, except that i needed to see a shrink. My dad also must have known, because he also said i need to go. I heard that men who wear womens clothes were homos, queers, fruits, faqgots, etc. I knew black comedian Flip Wilson did his crossdressed comedy Geraldine skit on his show, and i heard about Renee Richards. But i finally got the internet in 2002, and finally did a search on CDing, in 2005 and found this site. I was scared to join for a while, though.

[leotard fan]

Honestly I don't think it was until I found forums like this one.

I was alone all my life, until I was almost 40. Which probably explains why I have such a hard time talking about it, I don't even know how to.

I mean I knew there others out there, but that was really no comfort.
My words are the same as Roberta's. I thought I was alone and the only one who loved leotards. Thanks so much to everyone on this forum for giving meaning to my life!

[Nastasha]

First time I saw anything about it was in a Penthouse forum mag my Uncle had. We went and visited them, I found it and was blown away by the story.

First time in person, dept store when I was buying some panties and looking at bras. Remember the SA telling me that it seemed like more and more men were wearing panties now. She's the one who told me to just be honest, let them know it was for me, better experience and fit that way. Ha

[Lacy PJs]

I'd have to really think about it but I do remember seeing crossdresser stories in both Penthouse publications FORUM and VARIATIONS. Along about that same time, I ran across an ad from Michael Salem. Hmmm... a set of gingham baby doll pajamas for boys who wanted to be girls? THAT really got my attention.

Lacy PJs

[Kim Philips]

I think I've always realized that there were other people in the world who cross dressed, were girly or more manly than they "should" be. I'd like to think I was mature for my age, and this revelation came naturally. I'd never met anyone in real life who would confirm that other cross dressers existed though. It really hit home when I went to an all night Wal-Mart to shop around. It was prolly 3am and I approached the only line that was open. I had picked up some panties and who knows what else and the female cashier-someone sort of my age said "Those panties really feel good, don't they?" I was floored. I mumbled "Yes, they do" with the sudden realization that we both knew they weren't for my "girlfriend". She knew I was a cross dresser and I had admitted it.

[BTWimRobin]

I always knew I wasn't the only boy who wanted to dress girly. I am thankful for having a place I can talk about it.

[DanielleDubois]

I became aware of a publication called TV/TS Tapestry. It may still be around. Again, I still thought our population was quite small. It was not until the advent of high sped internet and google and even this forum that I began to realize that there are more than just a few of us and even some in our own state and town.

Many of the crossdressing magazines such as TV/Tapestry are available in the Digital Transgender Archive. Ladylike by Joann Roberts, Female Mimics, Drag, and many more newsletters and historical transgender documents are all available free.

[SDress22]

I recall around the age of 13-14 being a bit confused about myself when I came across the term crossdresser. I don’t remember where and how I saw the name but once I did I knew it applied to me and knew I wasn’t alone. Fast forward a few years (later teenage years) and I started looking up the term on the internet, and came across dozens if not hundreds of cross dressers posting their pics and creating their own websites. And here I am today.

[Lea]

I have been dressing for as long as I can remember but I was so confused about who I was and I felt so alone. This was in the pre internet days and no one to talk to.
I was at the library one day and while nervous went through the card catalogue and found one book that mentioned transvestites. I read that section of the book. A clincal book did not help.
I still felt so alone about who I was, what I wanted or where I would end up. After puberty hit I was even more confused as how could I like girls but also want to dress and act as one.
Then one day after school Phil Donahue was on tv. My parents both worked second shift. He had married crossdressers on the show. That is when I figured out who I was and that I was not alone. This would have been during my high school years. That show was a blessing for me.

[jacques]

hello Stephanie,
I did not realy realise that crossdressing was normal until I found this marvelous community.
luv J

[Michala]

Back in the 60's when I was an early teenager I wondered why I was so different and liked to dress up in my mother's clothes and pretend I was a woman. Thought I was the only one in the world who liked to do this. At the time, and all of my life, I have been very boyish and did all the boy things, Athletics,outdoor games, didn't like anything girly other than the clothes and looking like a girl. Then I read an article in an Ann Landers column about boys who liked to dress in girls clothing and learned that transvestites were not uncommon. To this day it's about the same. Like doing man things and not girly things other than the clothing and how I feel when dressed.

[Seana Summer]

I remember seeing crossdressers or maybe they were Drag Queens on day time talk shows like Phil Donahue back in the early 80s. I remember trying to watch but not look like I was watching what was on TV:):heehee: I would have been like 12 at the time. I had no clue.

Later I vaguely remember reading about crossdressing in the Playboy forum.

It was not until I joined this site that I really felt like there were others that were truly similar to me!

[tinak415]

@Shayna
"I think it was seeing an episode of Donahue about cross dressing"

Was that the episode where a guy goes to a transformation salon? He walks in guy mode, we see the transformation, then he walks out in gurl mode. Very memorable episode for me in my early days of coming to grips with my CDing feelings.

For me, there were little tidbits that made me feel like I was not alone, but I also felt like a freak at the time too. This was the early days of the internet, so I'd find interesting sites.

I think it was when I finally found this site is when I realized I'm a crossdresser, I'm am who I am, and I'm not alone.