Drink and Dash

[Micki_Finn]

This thread is about a particular phenomenon I have witnessed repeatedly and I’m curious to hear from those who have either seen this or been this. It goes something like this: I’ll be hanging out at Hamburger Mary’s (you can substitute your local club/venue) and a crossdresser will come in alone. This is usually about 30 minutes to an hour before showtime. She’ll come in, order a drink, and find a table in the corner. She’ll usually stick around for 15-30 minutes, then bail and won’t be seen again the rest of the night. It’s a different girl every time, but the pattern is always the same.

I have to presume that somehow the experience didn’t live up to the expectation somehow. I can imagine a million different possible reasons for this and am not interested in speculation. I’m curious if you’ve: 1) ever witnessed something like this or is it unique to HM LB? And 2) if you were this person, am I right that somehow the experience didn’t meet expectations, and if so, how/why?

[kimdl93]

Baseless speculation on my part: perhaps its a new girl that out for the first time...and bails early for any number of reasons, such as nerves, lack of confidence, or a narrow window of opportunity.

[Kelly DeWinter]

I can relate, My first few times out was suppose to be with friends I had met. The person for each occasion either lost their nerve. Nothing like being in a venue the first few times alone, not knowing anyone. And EVERYONE is scoping everyone out. I learned quickly to meet the person en drab, plan the evening out then go in together. As I became more comfortable it was easier to go out alone.

So it wasn't that the experience did not live up to expectations, it was that the experience was not with who I had expected.

[Tracii G]

I did that a few times just starting out.
I have seen other CDs do it and won't speculate why.
For me it was just scanning the crowd and seeing what their reaction to me was.If it was not on the positive side I would bail out.
Any more I don't really check out the crowd and just be me.
My neighborhood place is used to me and accepted me right off. Had one goober get all cranked up because there was (maybe) a tranny in there so they ushered him out the door.

[RacyRobin]

Traci, you continue to set the bench mark!

[Cristy2]

There is a little bar I sometimes haunt near the more open and accepting LGBTQ area of town and you'll see that happen quite a bit. Some times they'll leave and never come back and some times they'll come back and stay a little longer.

[Jean. Ann]

It is also a possibility that like many modern girls, she had many things to do and only had time for a drink and brief rest !

JAS

[Teresa]

Micki,
Several thoughts on this , if she's new to the scene maybe she loses her nerve and bails out . Some in my social groups sit and chat for an hour before finding the confidence to dress .

She maybe local to the area and knows she's taking a risk so perhaps she may just leave if someone she works with or a friend has entered the bar .

She may also be looking for a pickup , if she doesn't get one she just moves onto another venue .

What are expectations ? How long is a piece of string ? Maybe an interesting question to ask the forum , " What are your expectations when going out ?"

[Thelise]

Panic. In the entertainment biz the show never starts on time and the pressure builds, and you think "I'm a naive chump who turned up too early!" And out the door you want to go. I remember this from my teens, except I was in boy mode, and I could just go to the bar, order another drink, sit back down and pretend I thought I was cool.

[Lynn Sealy]

It might help if you stopped at her table and introduced yourself or just said hi. A simple hello will let someone know they are in a friendly place.

[Robertacd]

I hate to say it but your subject line sounds like someone running out on their check, we used to call that a "Dine and dash".

[Cheryl T]

Being solo in a place like that is scary for many, especially if it's for the first time.
If you spy someone like that why not just say Hi and quell the fears. A friend is always a welcome sight.

[Patience]

I did that once. It was at my last big outing, which included my last makeover and my first (and so far last) trip to a museum.

After a long day out, I wanted to cap it off with a drag queen bingo happening in a place where I used to DJ (I don’t anymore because of a scheduling issue). When I went, the whole thing felt a bit dull, frankly, so I finished my drink and went home to model some outfits and take pictures.

So for me, the thing just didn’t meet my expectations and I felt I had my fill. That may be the case for some.

[JenniferMBlack]

I have in fact done this a few times for different reasons, both in drab and dressed. Sometimes the vibe isn't there sometimes it wasn't what you wanted and some times it is all about time. No one knows why the poeple you have seen did it except them. If it helps me and a group of friends did this exact thing went to a place where there was to be a show about 40 minutes before the start. Had a round of drinks then left. Went to another place. The reason was some just didn't feel right there and no body really wanted to stay all that much.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm not as observant as u, Micki. Also, I only visit Mary's on T girl Sat. On those nites there r upwards of 500 people. So, I wouldn't notice their coming or going.

But, I have met a few one and done T's there. The cliques and the noisy, social scene at Mary's aren't every dressers cup of T!:heehee:

[Robertacd]

So having been out dressed a few times alone at our local club. I can say it's not as fun as being with others.

Without anyone else to talk to... you sit there and suck down your drink way too fast.... Try not to look like that lonely T-girl... Look at your phone... You feel insecure because everyone is ignoring you... Only 45 minutes have passed but it felt like a lifetime... Finally you give up and go home sad...

I have been there, it's not fun and that is why you see so many single ladies "drink and dash".

As Cheryl said, you should go up to them and be welcoming, maybe they will stick around.

I know I would if someone made me feel welcome.

[Meghan4now]

Roberta, I think your answer is great. I have been to establishments both in guy mode and girl mode. Not having someone to talk to can feel akward, resulting in a limited visit time. It's not just about being dressed, it's about craving something more. It takes time to overcome This feeling, which I experienced when traveling on business and being forced to confront by eating alone.

In fact, if someone were to engage me, I'd likely stick around a while. Part of it is once you've done your business, drink or dining, what is there left to do if you are alone? Now if I were there to see a show or listen to a band, or watch a game, I might also stick around. A lot has to do with the vibe as well.

[Molly Wells]

I think it may well be just that the individual went to the venue looking for an accepting atmosphere and then after being there was just uncomfortable with the venue. I myself experience that. I have gone to HM's or other venues with other girls as part of GNO and a desire to be out and not alone. I will likely do it again sometime. However, the truth is I don't drink, the music is loud, the patrons can be raucous... So, I find that after a bit I'm through having fun and prefer to find a different place to be. The thing that keeps me there as long as I am is just the overwhelming desire to be out and about while dressed. Often times when I have the opp to get out I will go to a movie by myself, or shopping, walking the stores, etc. I do like the fellowship of sisters but the venues I am not that attracted to.

Molly

[Jodie_Lynn]

So many possible reasons.
1 - going to meet a 'date' who ghosts
2 - going to meet another CD/T-girl who bails
3 - "Hey I finally got the nerve to go out! OH Sh*t! I'm out... in PUBLIC!" and bolts
4 - "I finally did it! I'm out in public. OK, that's enough for one night" and leaves, satisfied they have achieved a milestone
5 - "Yeah, I'm here, this place is not what I hoped for" and leaves
6 - "Oh Carp! I took too long getting ready! I told the wife I was going to Lowe's. Got to run...."
7 - "Yep, no one here I know, I'll hit the other places"

Two of the places I go to are gay bars that are very inclusive: gay, Lesbian, trans, straight, whatever. One of them hosts drag shows and talent nights, and it's always fun. I have often seen CD's come in, usually alone, or sometimes a pair, and they always seem to have that 'deer in the headlight' look about them. When I can, I always approach with a smile and a "Hi! I haven't seen you here before, you look great! Why don't you join us?" and introduce them to the group I'm with.

I think that some of us 'seasoned vets' tend to forget the first time we went to a place, timid, tentative, and scared out of our panties.

[Sallee]

yes I have been that person sometimes Its usually because I am bored after one drink and I might move on to another place. There have been times that I just don't want to be there not that it isn't an Ok place. I just don't want to be there anymore. I may have been feeling like an outsider.
I will say it usually is not me because I'll stay for one or two drinks and if the place gets busier I'll stay longer. Now I ahve done that in other bars also when I am in drab. NO particular reason but I am sure it is more noticeable when cross dressed

[Meghan4now]

6 - "Oh Carp! I took too long getting ready! I told the wife I was going to Lowe's. Got to run...."

My favorite!!!!

[MonicaPVD]

It's not easy for a lot of girls to go out in public, especially when they are flying solo. There are very few bars, LGBT friendly or otherwise, where a random stranger can walk in, start a conversation and feel welcomed right away. Especially if you're already insecure or nervous about being out in public dressed. Bars, by their very nature, tend to be clicky. There's nothing wrong with that but it just is so. Maybe you can go up to that nervous girl and try to break the ice.

[Jean 103]

I've done it.

There was a gay club in Hollywood I went to. Just gay guys. There were some dancers, still the place was boring. The bartender was nice, still I left after one drink.

I was going to go there when I was down in the CO over the fourth. After I read the reviews I decided to go somewhere else.

But than I'm different I guess, I don't have any problems being out in public. Heading to the mid state fair tomorrow with my roommate.

[Jenny22]

Maybe it was the cacophony of the noise, and she didn't have ear plugs.

[alwayshave]

I'm assuming, these people finally get up the courage to venture out, but the experience doesn't meet their expectations or their courage evaporates and they leave.