first time in almost 3 years

[kinkyboots]

finally had an opportunity to dressup in 3 years i had fun for about an hour. went to put on some makeup, stepped back to look into the mirror and saw a hairy lumberjack in a dress with makeup.
took everything off wadded it all back up in its box and was about to toss it in the trash but put it back on the shelf. thought about tossing it out all week, but i woke up this morning wanting to dress again, even though i know the results will be the same.
there are days where i feel broken. and the wife is not in a good place emotionally to consult with currently, so I'm back here to read what others are going through.

BTW, kinkyboots the musical came to my town a few months back, the wife and i had a blast. great show.

[abbiedrake]

Well at least the musical was fun huh?!

I'm sorry to hear things haven't gone exactly swimmingly for such a long time. I wish I had exciting tales of adventures in crossdressing that you might live through, vicariously. My current circumstances however are far from conducive.

Maybe we could discuss your situation instead. Your comment about your wife's current state? Is she usually supportive? If so what's different currently. It seems clear you would benefit from her understanding about now.

I hope things pick up for you, my friend, your frustration is evident.

[JenniferMBlack]

Funny I am reading this right now. I am currently sitting here in a skirt and top all hairy with no time to change that, but so much wanting to. I know I won't throw the clothes out because I have never done that but still feels good and bad at the same time because I'm hairy but I'm dressed. Maybe look for the positive and ignore the negative if that's all you can get.

[Micki_Finn]

Not to be dismissive, but you haven’t dressed in three years, and you slapped on some makeup and a dress, I’m not sure what you expected to see. It takes time, effort, and practice to transform a boy into a girl. If you really want to find the beautiful woman within, you’re going to have to work for it a bit.

I understand the feelings of disillusionment when you don’t achieve the beautiful, sexy, ideal presentation that was in your head, but you can’t get discouraged. Keep practicing and learning and you’ll get there eventually.

[kinkyboots]

thanks.

in the beginning my wife was very supportive and thought it was a little fun. but as it progressed and i purchased a bra for the first time, it tipped the scales

we had a long talk about her own body issues, and being slightly overweight; she hasn't felt sexy in years and with me buying sexy stuff it was making her own body image worse in her head, helping worsen deep deprssion.

i promsed to not dress any more around her untill she can work things out and feel good about herself again. we can joke a little about dressing or talk about clothes and the show was good, but that's about the limit of what she can handle at this time.

last weekend was the first time I had the house to myself in three years. to keep her happy i just push my own thoughts away and work on my sewing hobby, it helps designing clothes, even if I'll be able to never wear some of them

[abbiedrake]

Ah well, OK, that shines a light on your situation somewhat.

It's laudable that you put your dressing on the back burner to spare your wife's feelings. However, 3 years is a long time, given that it sounds like she's no nearer a solution to her own self-image issues.

It's hard to know what to advise, given we don't know what's been tried. But communication is something that just about never makes matters any worse. Have you suggested dieting/exercising with her?

Also how much of her issues are around the weight? Are there femme clothes of yours that she's OK with? If there are then maybe adjusting your female wardrobe would ease any feelings of redundancy or competition she's struggling with.

Once you've helped your wife feel better about herself maybe she'll be OK enough to be able to reciprocate and help you improve your makeup skills.

As ever, the key is communication, as open and as honest as you can, as you dare. For me, that's meant volunteering information pre-emptively. Answering your spouse's questions truthfully is always good, but sharing things with her that it might not have even occurred to her to ask will foster a deeper intimacy than simple honesty alone.

Of course all of this is easy to say. As you've said you currently feel 'broken' I'd start with talking to someone yourself. Maybe sharing here will suffice (I'm happy to lend a sympathetic ear to those who need it.), maybe you should seek professional help. Whatever, and however, I hope things improve for you soon.

[Tracii G]

Maybe you need to let her know being slightly overweight doesn't mean she isn't or can't be sexy.
Have you had a hand in that by your own actions towards her?
I totally understand the pitfalls of body image and I suffer from that as well but it took a close friend to pull me out and let me know its OK if I'm not a size 5.

[docrobbysherry]

What Tracii said. When my ex "put on a little weight",:doh:, I became less interested in sex. Less sex, less intimacy.:sad:

When she had to start the action all the time, action decreased dramatically. For us it was the beginning of the end. U haven't dressed in 3 years!?:eek:
U being depressed is NOT going to help her out of her funk. I agree with Abbie. It's time to see a professional counselor if u both want to save your marriage. :hugs:

Unless you're satisfied being roommates?:brolleyes:

[Jodie_Lynn]

What doc said!

If your SO is worried about her body image, perhaps you could also try exercising together? Buy a pair of bikes and go cycling. Or hiking or power walking?

If you do something fitness related together, you will be A - spending time together, sharing an activity, and B - both be getting fit & trim.

You could even "take the blame", so to speak. Tell her YOU are feeling out of shape, but you need HER to help you get motivated.

As a person with body dysphoria, I know that the depression over how you look can take a tremendous toll. But being married partners means helping each other. Tell her that you still love her and work together to regain the happiness you felt when you were first married. Best of luck to both of you!

[Tracii G]

Great ideas Jodi.

[kinkyboots]

we do try to exercise together when i can convince her, but as everyone knows it's hard to get out of a long term depression. and once your there it's really hard to do something for yourself. it's not just the weight but a combo of things, the kids are basically grown up now but still living at home, and they don't need her as much, she put her education on hold for the kids and for that her career also, so finding a good job with a spotty record (part time jobs over the years), and some colitis issues; all has been getting her down.

Needless to say, I'm still there everyday taking on the all the housework and my full time job and trying to get quality time with her. I'm helping encourage better eating and trying to get her out of the house for some easy walks, when our schedules line up (hopefully a job change for myself next month will help the scheduling a bit) We are still intimate when her colitis allows, but she's got a lot of stuff to overcome before she can get in the "zone" and enjoy herself.

the agreement to not to dress when she is around, was one I started after some long talks and that's okay for now as long as I help her get a little better.

I've always been supportive of her, and I have never once shamed her of anything; now her mother on the other hand has done so for longer than I've known her; thank god they moved back east, but somehow that woman still gets those put downs in all the time. there is a lot to work through just there. I don't and never have had any qualms with her body.

I am still greatly attracted to her and find her sexy on top of all that she's still my best friend, so I try to her know on a daily basis, even if she doesn't believe me. we've been together for 26 years and married for 25 next month, and I hope to continue that.