Being a MIAD

[GeorgeA]

I have always been a transvestite. I knew of other transvestites from various stories about them. I always assumed them to be very similar to me. I am a MIAD and always have been one, even though I didn’t coin this term until July 2017.

Then one day in Dec 2009 I searched the internet for “transvestism” and among thousands finds one caught my eye: www.crossdressers.com I tried it and was ecstatic: this is it! I read some postings and joined immediately. I found my place in the world. That was almost 10 years ago and I’m still very happy here.

One thing that surprised me though, was that most posters wanted to look like women, behave like women, even be women. I wasn’t like that at all. I was a Miad. I was not interested in wigs, jewellery, make-up, women’s shoes.

I wore women’s clothes, yes, but I felt a man and had no desire to emulate women and look like them. I read hundreds of posts talking about “passing”. “blending” or whatever. I could never relate to their feelings. I understood and approved of their action but I could never fully participate in the discussions as those topics were of no interest to me.

In a recent thread about beards I posted that there are several species of crossdressers. One that tries very hard to look like women and one to which I belong: MIADs.

Many of the first category “dress” occasionally, perhaps for a couple of hours, once or several times a week or perhaps months going through all kinds of efforts to make themselves presentable. That’s all fine with me. I have no problem with that and appreciate and applaud their efforts. To me it’s role playing, pretending that you’re someone that you are not. Judging by the picture gallery most are doing an excellent job of disguise. They really look like women. Just to be clear: I’m talking about cressdressers not transgenders, who are another species.

I, as a MIAD, don’t “dress”, I dress not to be naked. What I put on in the morning I wear all day, with only a minor modification of putting on trousers instead of a skirt when going out. I do not play a role, pretending that I am “this” or “that”; I am simply who I am. And I am a man who like to dress in lingerie, nylons, skirts, all this as my normal attire and not a costume.

As I said before, I have no problem with those who do it differently than I.

I also have no problem with those who criticise MIAD’s way of life. You are entitled to your opinion and I respect that, as I respect your way of life, even though it may be different than mine.

We are all crossdressers and have affinity for one another. We may be slightly different, yet the same.

[Tracii G]

Pretending you are something you are not is kind of a judgemental way to put it don't you think?
They are not trying to be anything but who they are just like you.
The desire to pass you make sound like they are trying to deceive people for some reason.
Thats not what they are trying to do at all.

[suzanne]

i think members of this site are over all pretty good at recognizing that we must respect each other, regardless of our minor differences in dressing philosophy. Everyone has their own story of how they got here and how they coped with the obstacles they faced. In my own case, grew up in a time, place and family dynamic that despised femininity in males, so I had a long, difficult time accepting myself and gathering the courage to express my true nature. I understand those of us who remain closeted or choose to express themselves differently from me; we all deal with our issues in a way that works for us. I am encouraged by the fact that most members of this forum are older. It suggests that younger crossdressers face less of the visceral homophobia I was raised with.

Myself, I dislike the term transvestite. It sounds to me like a psychiatric pathology that must be removed by drastic means if necessary. And I'm only slightly enamored about the acronym MIAD, although it is perhaps the best descriptor of my own version of dressing. When asked, I tell people I am gender fluid. I am neither hiding nor advertising my dressing, or making any statements. The only thing I'm doing is claiming my space to be myself. Of course people will notice a man in a skirt so I feel it's vital to do it as well and tastefully as possible. I assume I am the first crossdresser an individual meets and I want to represent well so that person might accept more easily the next one they meet. I act exactly the same whether dressed or drab, I answer all questions in a respectful manner and I receive compliments graciously whether they are given sincerely or sarcastically.

I have been generally well received by most women, and I have been told I am "an original" and "the bravest person I know". Men usually ignore or avoid me, which is okay. Some have asked questions, which I have answered. But mostly I act and converse like a normal man and the fact that I am wearing a dress and heels quickly becomes unimportant, or "Not A Big Deal" as I like to call it.

So I am probably more visible in public than those of us who aspire to be stealthy or passable as a woman. But that's a natural consequence of my preferred presentation. It is my hope that someday it won't matter that I choose to wear "women's" clothes. I am just a person who lives somewhat outside the box.

[Teresa]

GeorgeA,
I'm grateful you've made the distinction , maybe it would be better to look at it as a spectrum depending mostly on the level of dysphoria , saying that I can't honestly answer how dysphoria affects a MIAD .

I'm in no way being critical but have you ever analysed why you think your dressing needs stop at this point , does it possibly relate more to your upbringing rather than what you were born with .

In my case my father had a beard and we never got on , so I do equate beards to difficult people . I have to say at 280 lbs and just over 6 feet tall any thoughts of him as a CDer would be a nightmare but that's because I never saw a soft caring side in him , he was an overbearing , drunken bully . So did you have someone close that had a beard but was a very caring person so the two actually equate ?

I have to agree with Tracii , we're in too deep to think we are deceiving anyone , on a daily basis it's hard work to keep a deception up . Happiness and contentment is are our motives .

[rhonda]

GeorgA
Their is different levels of crossdressing from MIAD (or less ) to complete conversion , we're all in CDH together with apparently no way out

[danam]

I'm chiming in to a thread, against my better judgement, because I want to make an analogy. Being a crossdresser is like saying you like cars. What does that mean, to "like cars"? One person may discuss the virtues of restoring a 1970 Corvette while another argues that the 2019 Ferrari is a far superior vehicle to your 1970 Corvette and then the Corvette owner replies by accusing the Ferrari owner of being an entitled brat. When, in reality, both of these car enthusiasts are talking about entirely different aspects of "liking cars"--but neither understands that they're each talking about entirely different things.

This disconnect, outlined above, has taken me a long time to learn, and I've accumulated many bruises and scars from social media in the process.

[BrendaPDX]

Hi GeorgeA, It is interesting how we vary so much in some ways and are so similar in others. I enjoyed your observations. But mostly I like being in a place where we can all express ourselves honestly and have respectful feedback (mostly). Thank you for sharing.

[Tracy Irving]

If we can agree that GeorgeA is a crossdresser then why do some people believe he has stopped some type of progress along a line or within a spectrum they think he should be on? If he doesn't present as a woman, is he less of a crossdresser, or not one at all? Is he inferior to you because he doesn't wear make up and a wig but he does wear a skirt and a blouse?

When did the definition of a crossdresser require us to present as a women? It makes sense that, when presenting as a woman, one would want to crossdress, but that isn't even a requirement. You either are or aren't a crossdresser. How you proceed after that is up to you.

Everyone has their own happiness line or spectrum or whatever, and I want each of us to find that sweet spot but it is not necessarily the same as yours.

[velma]

I'm chiming in to a thread, against my better judgement, because I want to make an analogy. Being a crossdresser is like saying you like cars. What does that mean, to "like cars"? One person may discuss the virtues of restoring a 1970 Corvette while another argues that the 2019 Ferrari is a far superior vehicle to your 1970 Corvette and then the Corvette owner replies by accusing the Ferrari owner of being an entitled brat. When, in reality, both of these car enthusiasts are talking about entirely different aspects of "liking cars"--but neither understands that they're each talking about entirely different things.

This disconnect, outlined above, has taken me a long time to learn, and I've accumulated many bruises and scars from social media in the process.

Good Midwest logic. Have yet to really quite know where I'm at either. But I guess time will tell. When I get there yes I guess the most important person to keep happy is myself.
For what its worth I drive and use these . 2016 GMC pickup, 53 chevy Pickup and my baby a 1940 Ferguson t30 Tractor.

[Asew]

As a MIAD myself, I definitely feel where you are coming from. There are all kinds of crossdressers and we should all support each other. We have different goals and interests associated with that, but we can learn from one another. I think the best thing a MIAD can show those who want to be seen as women is that even if you are not passable you can still go out in the real world.

[Jean 103]

Can you explain why you change to go out?

I will wait till I hear your answer before saying anymore.

[Tracii G]

I read that too He says he wears what he puts on all day but if he goes out he puts pants on.
Kind of a disconnect sounds like.
Kind of the same as I'm not a doctor but I play one on TV.
So you are an in the closet MAID?

[Stephanie47]

"To me it's role playing, pretending that you're someone you are not" is only GeorgeA's perception of some men who need/like to look like a woman. He does make a distinction between cross dressers and transsexuals, although he used the term transgender. I'm not going to try to psychoanalyze anyone. If I knew why I do what I do that would solve a big question for me. But, alas, I gave up a long time ago beating my head against the wall. I know I am not a woman. The body is obviously male. I am not too sure about the brain. All I can say about me is "it is more than just the clothes!"

[Teresa]

Tracy,
GeorgeA mentioned her stopping point , so I simply asked if there was any particular reason for it , I'm not implying or urging George to go any further although she does say she wishes to emulate women . I do see some confusion here which I'm sure GeorgeA can clarify .

Stephanie ,
That was the point I'm pleased GeorgeA made , she gave everyone some consideration .

[Tracii G]

Teresa George A would carry the 'he' pronoun I would think seeing as he is not trying to be someone he is not.

[Teresa]

Tracii,
I did hover over that key and wonder which way to go , maybe GeorgeA could put us straight .

[Tracii G]

He is just a crossdresser of a different stripe and that is OK with me.
We all do it for whatever reason and there is no reason we have to have an explanation for it.
I just took his statements as somewhat judgemental but I am sure it was not meant that way.
I would find it strange to present as a man in a dress in public. Why that is I don't really know.
Maybe because I am trans who knows.

[docrobbysherry]

Well, I'm a MIAD, too, Georgia. Only I dress all the way or not at all. So, u can't just say you're a transvestite/MIAD and leave it at that.

That alone doesn't explain why u only throw on a few things and no more. And, saying the rest of us r trying to deceive people is NOT a good excuse! Because I'm a MIAD, I don't fool anyone when I'm out. And, I dress to the 9's for ME. Not anyone else!:thumbsup:

Maybe you're embarrassed to show yourself dressed in public, which makes u a closet dresser. Or, maybe u get a special thrill from the clothes u DO wear? To me, u just announced yourself then dropped the mic. Of course, u don't need to explain yourself to us. I'm just curious if u, yourself, know why u r satisfied to throw on a few women's things? Maybe u don't? Not all of us do!:battingeyelashes:

[Tracii G]

Sherry those are great points.
Could be George is too scared to try and doesn't think he could do it.
Sherry you are a total 10 in my book.

[GeorgeA]

Teresa George A would carry the 'he' pronoun I would think seeing as he is not trying to be someone he is not.

Thank you Tracii for clarifying that. Yes, I use a "he" pronoun, and the reason I changed my user name recently was to show everybody that I am a man, as "Salerba" was a feminine name and people used to refer to me as "she" which wasn't right. I am a very thick-skinned person and don't get offended by what people call me.

I tried to word my original post very carefully so not offend anyone. I will go through the replies and clarify any misconceptions that are in some people's mind as to what my intentions were. I am very-nonconfrontational and have no desire to put anyone down.

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Can you explain why you change to go out?

I will wait till I hear your answer before saying anymore.

I change because our society is not yet ready to accept a man wearing a skirt, without ridiculing him, and I am a very shy and introverted person. If I were a more brazen guy I would go as I am.

Let's here the rest of your story.

[Tracii G]

I thought I was coming to understand your position a little better.

[GeorgeA]

GeorgeA,
I'm grateful you've made the distinction , maybe it would be better to look at it as a spectrum depending mostly on the level of dysphoria , saying that I can't honestly answer how dysphoria affects a MIAD .

I'm in no way being critical but have you ever analysed why you think your dressing needs stop at this point , does it possibly relate more to your upbringing rather than what you were born with .


I have to agree with Tracii , we're in too deep to think we are deceiving anyone , on a daily basis it's hard work to keep a deception up . Happiness and contentment is are our motives .

Teresa,
I have no need to go any further, as I said frequently, I have no desire for a feminine appearance. For a number of years I struggled to find a word to describe someone like me. "Different-dresser" was one option, but it was vague and did not describe what was "different". Then I came up with "MIAD", which while not perfect, either, is more to my liking and it seems to have caught on as many people are now using it.

I want to clarify that I did not ever used "deceiving" in my post. I don't think role-playing is deceiving.

I am waiting for the next episode of your new life.

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If we can agree that GeorgeA is a crossdresser then why do some people believe he has stopped some type of progress along a line or within a spectrum they think he should be on? If he doesn't present as a woman, is he less of a crossdresser, or not one at all? Is he inferior to you because he doesn't wear make up and a wig but he does wear a skirt and a blouse?

When did the definition of a crossdresser require us to present as a women? It makes sense that, when presenting as a woman, one would want to crossdress, but that isn't even a requirement. You either are or aren't a crossdresser. How you proceed after that is up to you.

Everyone has their own happiness line or spectrum or whatever, and I want each of us to find that sweet spot but it is not necessarily the same as yours.


Tracy,
Very interesting observations. What is a crossdresser? A man who wears women's clothes. Every time I go out in trousers I am really crossdressing, as I am wearing trousers like the majority of women around me. Am I a crossdresser when in skirts? Very few women wear skirts, so I am not like them. When I wear a skirt I do not look like a woman. I look like.....a crossdresser?

Is that's what's called arguing in circles?

Maybe just a MIAD wil do.

[Jean 103]

It is kind of the answer I was expecting.

You are right, if you are following the crowd you would wear pants of some kind

I not much of a follower. I tend to wear skirts and dresses most of the time.

You have it much harder than I do, so you have my respect.

I think everyone here would agree that I am not simply a crossdresser. But you see the public only sees what's in front of them.

There are times I will run out to like pickup dinner for my roommate and me as a MIAD. I don't like to do it as I am treated differently sometimes. Never badly but I can see it in their faces, how they talk.

This does change a bit after they get to know me. I am referring to strangers.

Being a MIAD and not being outgoing is a problem.

I'm topically an up beat happy person. My friends can tell you I can be a royal B sometimes. People tend to respond in kind.

My point is that if you are a pleasant good person, people will cut you a lot of slack.

[Mermaiden]

I get what George is saying. I’m a guy, do guy things, think of myself as a man, walk like a man, speak in male patterns but wear female clothes sometimes because I just feel more at ease. I think we are all cars but different models, or all ice cream different flavors, all trees with different leaves.
Anyway, hope everyone has a great weekend.

[Teresa]

GeorgeA,
May I ask this question , have you or would you ever clean shave and do the whole thing out in the RW to see what difference it makes to you ?

I know you admit to being a shy and introvert person but I often wonder with MIADs if it's a hurdle they feel they can never jump . I agree with Jean being out as a MIAD must be harder , I couldn't do it but then I have dysphoria and want the male side gone .

The point I'm making is you never know until you try , I still look back to when I joined this forum and read the stories of members who were totally out in the RW , at that time I felt we were on differnt planets now here I am living my dream and passing on my stories to others .

I hope no one accuses me of projecting , I'm just asking a simple question to you .

[Nikki_Caden]

A man in a dress or a woman in drab? At any given time I may either one or somewhere along the scale. I hate absolute labels.

[Pumped]

I do the MIAD, mostly because the body, and dressing is the easy part. The face and hair takes a bit more work and I do not have the time or ambition to deal with it. I can toss on a few female articles of clothing in a couple minutes and from the neck down I like my appearance. From the neck up it would take some time with a professional and still not look great!

[Bea_]

GeorgeA,
You asked these questions of GeorgeA, but I thought I'd add to the conversation as another man-in-a-dress. I've followed your posts here and have appreciated your viewpoint overall. I appreciate the fact that you experience the world with some significant dysphoria. As a MIAD, I just don't experience the world that way at all. I see myself more as being like the early adopting pants-wearing women who went against social norms without necessarily wanting to be men.


May I ask this question , have you or would you ever clean shave and do the whole thing out in the RW to see what difference it makes to you ?

Oddly, my beard and my crossdressing developed at the same time. As a young man I had too many bare spots to grow the beard I'd expected to grow since my early teens. Then I worked a job for decades that required me to be clean shaven, except for a mustache. Testosterone treatments in my early 50's coincided with a job change and I finally am able to grow the beard I'd always wanted to have. I've lived longer than i wanted without the beard. My taste in clothes hasn't changed that.

My beard covers some facial structure defects that made feel very unattractive and I would not feel any more attractive as a woman.


I know you admit to being a shy and introvert person but I often wonder with MIADs if it's a hurdle they feel they can never jump .

I am not shy so much, but I am an introvert to the core. My status as MIAD really has nothing to do with introversion at all. And I'm not seeing it as a hurdle so much as just a fence that I don't mind looking over, but don't necessarily want to cross.


I agree with Jean being out as a MIAD must be harder , I couldn't do it but then I have dysphoria and want the male side gone .

I'm not sure it's "harder". I think that both MIAD and dysphoric crossdressers face their own obstacles. And, I think our different states can cause issues for the other. For the SO's of MIAD's, the fear that the MIAD is just a delayed transitioner is a major complication. I started experimenting with women's clothes and began the conversation with my wife at about the same time that Bruce Jenner became Katylin. That didn't help her insecurities.


The point I'm making is you never know until you try , I still look back to when I joined this forum and read the stories of members who were totally out in the RW , at that time I felt we were on differnt planets now here I am living my dream and passing on my stories to others .

I appreciate your stories and wish you the the very best in life. But, just like so many other things that I "might like" if I tried them, I just don't have the desire, especially given the potential cost to my marriage if I pursued them.

I totally like my boy plumbing and my 'he/him' pronouns. I totally get that that's not how many others feel.



I hope no one accuses me of projecting , I'm just asking a simple question to you .

I wouldn't call it projecting at all and it's a legitimate and appreciated question.

[Tracy Irving]

Tracy, I'm not implying or urging George to go any further


GeorgeA, would you ever do the whole thing out in the RW?

you never know until you try

Of course your not!

[Teresa]

Bea/Tracy,
I appreciate your replies but my question was for GeorgeA , I'm sure he is more than capable of replying for himself .

Tracy,
I never know how to take your replies , whether they are just acknowledgements or a touch sarcastic .

Bea,
That's an interesting point about T levels , so much for us no matter where we are on the spectrum appears to revolve around T levels . I believe my problem goes back to the age of 8-9 when my T kicked in on top of having a female trait from birth .

[Bea_]

Teresa,
Thanks. I'll keep it in mind next time.

[Maria_mtf]

I think I read all this thread however if my question is already answered I am sorry. I am curious GeorgeA you like lingerie so do you wear bras, if so padded ones or do you use breast forms? I guess there are 2 reasons for boobs, to look womenly or to fill a dress, as a MIAD do you like to have them?

I haven't decided my label yet but I related to the original post around CDrs pretending to be a women. I am a man and I look forward to the day I can go out dolled up on a gno and pretend to be a women, because I believe always be a man (I think).

[GeorgeA]

GeorgeA,
May I ask this question , have you or would you ever clean shave and do the whole thing out in the RW to see what difference it makes to you ?

I know you admit to being a shy and introvert person but I often wonder with MIADs if it's a hurdle they feel they can never jump . I agree with Jean being out as a MIAD must be harder , I couldn't do it but then I have dysphoria and want the male side gone .

The point I'm making is you never know until you try , I still look back to when I joined this forum and read the stories of members who were totally out in the RW , at that time I felt we were on differnt planets now here I am living my dream and passing on my stories to others .

I hope no one accuses me of projecting , I'm just asking a simple question to you .

Teresa, I am not interested at all to have any female traits. I have no dysphoria. I am a male who just likes to wear clothes that women wore long ago, they wear trousers now. I do not want to look, behave, talk or walk like a woman. I was having my lunch on my porch when the mail-carrier brought the mail. She said have a nice day and smiled, a friendly smile as she probably noticed the top of my dress, as the bottom was covered by the table. I think she probably seen me before maybe not so obviously in a dress but still not a regular guy's stuff. So people accept us sometimes.

I wish we, MIADs could go in RW the way you do now and were accepted the way you are.

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I think I read all this thread however if my question is already answered I am sorry. I am curious GeorgeA you like lingerie so do you wear bras, if so padded ones or do you use breast forms? I guess there are 2 reasons for boobs, to look womenly or to fill a dress, as a MIAD do you like to have them?

I haven't decided my label yet but I related to the original post around CDrs pretending to be a women. I am a man and I look forward to the day I can go out dolled up on a gno and pretend to be a women, because I believe always be a man (I think).

Hi Maria,
No I do not wear or like bras, forms, enhancements, etc. I am not interested in presenting feminine at all. See my answer to Teresa above. I do no longer think that what I wear is feminine, it's just my regular attire AS A MALE.

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Hi GeorgeA, It is interesting how we vary so much in some ways and are so similar in others. I enjoyed your observations. But mostly I like being in a place where we can all express ourselves honestly and have respectful feedback (mostly). Thank you for sharing.

Brenda, thank you for your comments. This forum is such a great place that even misfits like I, can feel comfortable expressing ideas that go against the mainstream of crossdressing and not being vilified but spark a meaningful conversation.

This proves that any subject that is presented in proper and dignified manner can be discussed by all, even those that are opposed to the idea being presented.

Could we suggest something like that to some of our politicians?.

[Robert]

I'm not a man in a dress. I don't like dresses too much.

I'm a bald headed bodybuilder who likes to wear attractive things. Many of these items are only available in the women's section of clothing stores. I'm not trying to emulate a woman.

[Jean 103]

First I'm not telling you how to live your life. You are the one that has to live it.

What would you do?

You are dining alone, seated in the out door section of a restaurant. It is a hot summer day, it is a tourist town an.
You just finished a nice walk around town. Wondering in and out of shops.

Now you are a CD, just learning the ropes. So presentation not the best. You are wearing a skirt and blouse, full makeup, wedges.

A MAID walks up and asks if he can join you. He is a heavy set man in a maxi skirt.

The maitre d rushes over to save you.

What do you do?

I told everyone that it was ok. The man and his traveling companion that had come up behind them sat down. His companion was apologizing for his friend, I stopped him and assured him I was ok with them joining me. We had a nice talk about mostly his life.

What kind of person would I be if I can not accept someone just because they choose to dress differently?

[Mark B]

i think members of this site are over all pretty good at recognizing that we must respect each other, regardless of our minor differences in dressing philosophy. Everyone has their own story of how they got here and how they coped with the obstacles they faced. In my own case, grew up in a time, place and family dynamic that despised femininity in males, so I had a long, difficult time accepting myself and gathering the courage to express my true nature. I understand those of us who remain closeted or choose to express themselves differently from me; we all deal with our issues in a way that works for us. I am encouraged by the fact that most members of this forum are older. It suggests that younger crossdressers face less of the visceral homophobia I was raised with.

Myself, I dislike the term transvestite. It sounds to me like a psychiatric pathology that must be removed by drastic means if necessary. And I'm only slightly enamored about the acronym MIAD, although it is perhaps the best descriptor of my own version of dressing. When asked, I tell people I am gender fluid. I am neither hiding nor advertising my dressing, or making any statements. The only thing I'm doing is claiming my space to be myself. Of course people will notice a man in a skirt so I feel it's vital to do it as well and tastefully as possible. I assume I am the first crossdresser an individual meets and I want to represent well so that person might accept more easily the next one they meet. I act exactly the same whether dressed or drab, I answer all questions in a respectful manner and I receive compliments graciously whether they are given sincerely or sarcastically.

I have been generally well received by most women, and I have been told I am "an original" and "the bravest person I know". Men usually ignore or avoid me, which is okay. Some have asked questions, which I have answered. But mostly I act and converse like a normal man and the fact that I am wearing a dress and heels quickly becomes unimportant, or "Not A Big Deal" as I like to call it.

So I am probably more visible in public than those of us who aspire to be stealthy or passable as a woman. But that's a natural consequence of my preferred presentation. It is my hope that someday it won't matter that I choose to wear "women's" clothes. I am just a person who lives somewhat outside the box.

Suzzane, I could not agree more. When I first read you post I thought it was me that had written this. Although you are much better at expressing yourself in words than I am. Must be the engineer in me.
I also dislike the word transvestite! Reminds my of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I too, try my best to represent the MIS or MIAD as best as I can. I do stand out when out in public as I am the only one wearing high heels and a skirt. Women included. The shiny bald head and loud clicking sound of the heels often turn heads. Also, I do not hide the fact that I am a man. And I hope in my travels while skirted help pave the path for others. I seldom wear pants anymore, so the only time I am in full male is when I am wearing shorts, a tee shirt or polo, and sneakers. I also have noticed more women will stop and compliment me and my "Style". Most will say that I walk in high heels better than they ever have. Men, as you said, just ignore me and the ones that do approach me usually ask how I can walk in the heels without breaking an ankle. But mostly I act like a normal man and the fact that I am wearing a skirt and heels quickly becomes unimportant, or "Not A Big Deal" as you and I like to call it. I always say I am just a straight male that just wants to incorporate a skirt and high heels into my daily office attire.

GeorgeA, we are a lot alike and yet so different. As you mentioned everyone has their own style.

[abbiedrake]

Having seen your pics, Mark, I'd like to point out that the word style needs no "air quotes". Your ability to pull together outfits featuring both make and female attire is impressive.

Your uncompromising owning of your style is inspirational.

[MonicaPVD]

I appreciate the diversity of experiences and thought in this online community. When a person is sincere about their self expression, that is powerful. I don't have to agree with it, but we should all be respectful of other's choices. If you want to be a man in a dress, that's great. The spectrum of crossdressing ranges from those who occasionally wear a few garments in the privacy of their own home to MIADs to those of us who go out and seek to blend in or pass. All of these experiences are valid and very personal. Learning about so many different perspectives has really enriched me and helped me better understand my own motives for dressing. I really appreciate that.

[GeorgeA]

Abbiedrake,

Your uncompromising owning of your style is inspirational.

I just love your expression. It's Mark, alright.

[Maid_Marion]

Mark's postings have inspired me to wear heels at work. I did it again this week. It is quite obvious on linoleum floors so I won't be doing it every day. But it won't be the last time either.

[Helena]

Mark, I agree with Abbie completely - inspirational. Sharp and stylish. When I get braver I want to try similar, though will have to stick with lower heels lol.

[GeorgeA]

Mark's postings have inspired me to wear heels at work. I did it again this week. It is quite obvious on linoleum floors so I won't be doing it every day. But it won't be the last time either.
Good for you, Marion.
Even though, I am no fan of high-heels I applaud your attempts. We all do what we prefer and when we prefer. Are you going to wear a skirt next time?

[Maid_Marion]

No, the only skirt I have is a jeans skirt I wear for my lap cat.

After learning to sew I figured out that I can look really good in fitted XS clothes out of the Juniors' department. And sometimes the Petites department, without the hassle of alternations.
If it doesn't fit, its because the shoulders are too wide. Not really XS, vanity sizing. A totally different world in that just about everything now comes in my size. :)

Like a lot of GGs, I have issues with the office being too cold. I've been experimenting with layering clothes to stay warm.

[Robinadress]

I am also a MIAD and a MIAS. I have been like that my whole life. In the beginning I called myself a transvestite because of what I read. For a period I wore wigs and makeup, but only because I thought I had to do it. Deep inside I never felt like a female, I was always a man I women clothes. With the wig and makeup I felt like I was someone different than myself. When I threw the wig and makeup away I felt more real. For the last decade I have never looked back and identify my self as a man in a skirt just because I like wearing skirts. I have been a lot of places and different situations wearing a skirt and a dress. From the neck and up I am just a man, and I still identify as masculine. Even though I still identify as a crossdresser because I like to wear women’s clothes.

[GeorgeA]

Hi Robinadress,

Your life story resembles mine in many ways. In my early days I thought that to be a transvestite you had to follow certain rules and do things properly. But whose rules and why?

I followed them in my early days but gradually discovered that certain items I don't like. So I stopped wearing bras, women's shoes, jewellery, etc. I was never into makeup but tried lipstick just a few times.

So i have evolved from a transvestite into a MIAD. I live my life as a men dressed in skirts, lingerie, nylons and I feel a MAN never a WOMAN. I have no more feminine traits than a regular, non-crossdressing male. Being gentle, kind and considerate is as much masculinity as femininity. Many of the macho men suppress those feeling as not being worthy of a "real man".

You are a way ahead of me in that you are going out as a MIAD. You, MarkB and Philli are our "good-will" ambassadors in the RW.
Maybe the future generations will be able to dress the way they like and live normal lives among the rest of the population.

[susan54]

I am probably unusual in that I do both the full dressed as woman thing but perhaps 10% of the time I just wear a dress as a man. I never identify as a woman but if I am out I feel good if I look good with a woman look. It needs more courage to do MIAD - I usually do this to go dress shopping in very hot weather - no wig or make up or hose but I shave my legs and armpits and my legs have a good shape that is enhanced by heels so I often wear these as MIAD. I don't overthink this - I just do it. I am going out tomorrow but in full fig - wig, make up and scent (and probably sheer tights).

[Asew]

robinadress and georgea sound like my story too. As a teenager I would do the fake boobs and aim for a womanly look since that is what the crossdressers on tv. When I came back to dressing 2 years ago, I went down that route again but realized I didn't want to be a woman. I could pick and choose the things I liked (skirts, dresses, toenail polish, grow my hair out, jewelry, sometimes heels) and ignore the parts I didn't like (fake boobs, makeup, hair removal, tucking, panties). I accept that I have a male body with an affinity for feminine things (and some masculine things). My default mode is a t-shirt and skirt. Occasionally a dress. I am out partially (at home, in my yard, at work, but my wife doesn't want me to dress in our town to avoid bullying of our kids).

[Jennifer W]

I'm not a MIAD. I haven't worn a dress in years. I dress however I feel like dressing. I wear a bra every day. Some days with padding, some without. Panties every day. I wear mostly t-shirts and jeans some women's some men's. I prefer leggings. Shorts in the summer with shaved legs. I like them shaved. I shave my armpits too. I don't try to be a woman or even try to look like one. I shower with shower gel marketed to women. Do I feel feminine? Not at all. I've tried makeup but it was too much of a pain. I tried lipstick and gloss. I like it but my wife said no.
So am I a crossdresser? I consider myself to be a good person. Labels are not important to me. Just be whatever or whoever you want to be.
Life's too short to be unhappy.

[Jodie_Lynn]

>>SNIP<< I could never relate to their feelings.

>>SNIP<< Judging by the picture gallery most are doing an excellent job of disguise. They really look like women. Just to be clear: I’m talking about cressdressers not transgenders, who are another species.

>>SNIP<< I do not play a role, pretending that I am “this” or “that”; I am simply who I am.

>>SNIP<<

As I said before, I have no problem with those who do it differently than I.

I also have no problem with those who criticise MIAD’s way of life. You are entitled to your opinion and I respect that, as I respect your way of life, even though it may be different than mine.

We are all crossdressers and have affinity for one another. We may be slightly different, yet the same.

WOW! Judgmental much? Despite your claims that you have "...no problems with those who do it differently than I." , your language is very aggressive. Your use of terms such as 'role playing', and 'disguise', convey a message that you are disdainful of other crossdressers, and that your dressing is somehow 'purer'. Except this little bit gives it away...


What I put on in the morning I wear all day, with only a minor modification of putting on trousers instead of a skirt when going out.

I bet if I made a comment about people "playing at dressing up at home", there would be some ruffled feathers around here.


You "simply want to be who you are", and that's fine. So do the rest of the people on this forum, and in the world. But you can do so without looking down your nose at others who do things differently than you, yeah?

[GeorgeA]

Jodie Lynn,

I am sorry that you feel that way about my comments.

I want to tell you that you would be hard-pressed to find a more accepting person. I am not disdainful or look down on others.
There is nothing wrong in role playing. Theatres been around for millenia. I accept the fact that we are all different and do thing differently. There is no right or wrong way to do it, as long no harm is done to others.

My way of doing is no "purer" or better than others, it just suits me better.

No "ruffled feathers" here, as I am never offended by other people disagreeing with, and I never offend others.
I am a peaceful and easy to get along person, and if you looking for a fight you got a wrong man, here. I have never been in a fight and never will.

All the best to you as we remain friends.

[susan54]

I can't recall the first time I put on an item of womenswear. I was probably in my early teens and I am pretty sure that up to that point it had not occurred to me. No recollection why I did or of why I continued. I do remember I would initially only put on outerwear. My mother kept her slips and some other underwear in some drawers in my bedroom but I never even looked at them - at that stage I thought underwear would put me in some sort of gender limbo. I think the dressing only expanded beyond occasional trying on of dresses and shoes when I went away to University. I could have clothes of my own and dress without fear of someone walking into my bedroom and seeing me in a dress. At some stage the dresses were joined by underwear and then accessories. My boobs were just rolled up knickers.

I bought lots of clothes but this was about quantity not quality. I realised some clothes suited me more than others but only after wearing them and at this stage I was scared to try anything on in a shop.

The turning point came when I decided I really wanted to know what clothes were best for me. I found a colour and style company that seemed head and shoulders above the others and when I was in London, far from home, I made an appointment and went along in a skirt, blouse and silk jacket. The consultation was pricey but without getting a single new garment, it was the most sensible expenditure I ever made on clothes. These two ladies literally changed my life. I was so impressed I went back and got a male style consultation too.

It turned out my best colours were not the ones I thought, and they guided me to garment styles that were much more suitable for me than the ones I had been wearing. It turned out I needed expensive, classical clothes and leather shoes (a particular style of court) and they taught me make up and what colour and style of wig to go for.

I now have a vast collection of skirts, dresses, tops and shoes - almost all othem in colours and styles that really work for me. I confess I lapse occasionally and buy a dress for fun or because I love it as a dress. One of the rules is NEVER wear black next to your face (it is suited to only one colour season). I went to a refresher a few years ago with a different consultant in the same group, and I had to bring along ten dresses I loved. One of them was black. The consultant took one look at it and said "I don't care if it is black - that dress is to die for".

I only go out dressed occasionally. I would have been going out today but the weather forecast is horrific to the extent that I might not get home tonight if I went where I had intended. I often meet up with a very well dressed woman friend, about 50% of the time I dress as a woman when we meet. I have achieved all the challenges I set myself when dressed - bra fittings, restaurants, stays in hotels, beauticians, dressmakers (including being pinned for dress alterations), bars, visits to stately homes, doing the weekly shop, public transport, etc. There are no new challenges, so I have reached a happy plateau. I miss having a partner but am not actively seeking a new one.

I have long ago accepted that I like to look like a woman and when I go out in a dress, act like one, but at no point do I imagine myself to be one. It is acting. I love the outfits and how I look in them - to myself and others. Women praise me for my outfits. I am out only to a few friends. My only concern is that I spend far too much money on new clothes I don't need - and I long ago ran out of wardrobe space.

So I set out to be the best dressed I can be in womenswear and I achieved it. I own lots of lovely women's clothes (I know the Eddie Izzard thing, but I use it for convenience) and I wear them to my heart's content. I even have a lovely (and well dressed) woman friend I can share this with though we are not an item. I have the sort of life in a dress I always wished for and it is a good place to be. It has evolved through seeking professional advice from women who know what they are doing - the same professionals women go to when they want to achieve a fantastic look. Going to professional colour and style consultants is possibly even more life transforming for us than it is for GGs.

[Kendra Sue]

Robinadress, I don't think I could pull off being a man in a dress. If you are comfortable that's all that counts

[GeorgeA]

Good story, Susan.
Thanks for sharing it.

[phili]

Hi gang,
I'm a mirl in a dress- which will for most people look like a MIAD. 'Mirl' to me is male girl- and that sums up my experience of my identity. I am male, but I feel like a girl. So I am a male tomboy sometimes and regular girl other times. I don't feel like a 'man' in a dress- taking the term 'man' to mean 'feeling like a man', rather than 'he's a man, dammit, bc he is male!'.

Since I am old I suppose one could suggest I am a woman not a girl, but I feel like a girl. Perhaps after some more years I will age and feel like a male woman. I love the term mirl, though, so I'll keep that just as women refer to themselves as girls.

I don't mind being misgendered- as when confronted with my own photo, I have to look long and hard sometimes to see past my years of associating a male face with a thousand expectations of manliness as interpreted in my segment of society. And you can feel my energy and what would be thought of as male force- but...inside it is associated with being a girl.

But I have stopped worrying about that- as I have gone over the waterfall, and I know who I am. I feel perfectly comfortable as myself, so I am at peace with all others when dressed as an adult girl/woman, regardless of how they see me.

For thousands of years social training is that males and females need to stay on their sides of the gender fences, and the implication is that something terrible will happen. I have a few GG friends now I go out with socially and when we are together they have no trace of embarrassment. Their acceptance has to be helpful for those observers who aren't sure if I am safe.

I noticed a 10 year old boy with his friends couldn't take his eyes off me, while the others ignored me. I hope he can find in my example the hope for himself to escape the gilded cages of manliness. Other children observe me with curiosity- adding to their storehouse of knowledge, and seeing that this person is at ease and without a trace of feeling that something is strange.

My wife is still very unhappy about me discovering and embracing my long suppressed anima, and I still try to accommodate her expectations. But I can feel my core personality liberating ever so gradually and irreversibly. I am very grateful for that, and I hold out hope that at some point she will also see that we both prefer to be more whole people.

I dress more femininely when out since I don't get much chance at home- I feel a bit like a woman whose husband does not want her to dress well- as it stirs up some deep anxieties for him.

Here is me in the last two outfits I wore out with my friend.306686
306685

[CynthiaD]

As far as I’m concerned, if you put on a dress, you’re in the club. And very, very cool.

[Teresa]

Susan,
Thanks for your story, on many counts I'm inclined to agree with you .

The note of caution is taking care how much you spend , I always promised my wife that my CDing wouldn't cost a fortune , she often chose to go without for the sake of others I couldn't bring myself to spend on something she basically hated .

Going to a stylist is great but again very few GGs actually do it , in fact I was surprised how few actually have their skin colour checked for the correct shades . It's a fine dividing between being well dressed and going OTT , that was quite a learning curve for me when I separated and went full time .

I do admit I have four LBDs and love them .