Gender Dysphoria

[Tracy Irving]

Some of our members claim no (0%) gender dysphoria while others seem filled to the top (100%). Are you all, nothing, or somewhere in the middle?

Please round your percentage to the nearest tens place. Thanks.

[VS Fan]

I’d have to say 0%... I know I’m a man, and while I hate everything about myself (topic for another post I guess or maybe another forum altogether lol) I don’t feel like I was born in the wrong body. I *wish* I were a woman sometimes, but I know I’m not one... and I don’t honestly think I would be happier becoming one now (not unless they can make me shorter, younger and beautiful lol)

[jessicabf]

For me it’s society dysphoria. (Not sure that’s a thing) essentially, I know I am a man, and am cool with that. I enjoy many things associated with my maleness. (Glad I don’t deal with some of the female health issues too) My frustration is at society I think. The fact that a man can’t enjoy femininity. Soft things. Being pretty. Allowing my emotions to show though in my expression of myself. So many times I would enjoy wearing a pretty skirt to work, as it would express my state of mind better than pants. Not in a way to “pass” as a woman. But a man who likes creative colors and styles. Wouldn’t mind chatting with female co-workers about a cute out fit I saw.

If that barrier where gone, I think there would be actually less pressure for those like us to “identify”. Just be you. A genetic male who enjoys the broad range of experiences and expressions of life.

[Mary Lawrence]

No. No gender dysphoria here (although a psychiatrist might disagree). I am thoroughly male in body and orientation, but I love dressing as a woman. That part I do not understand at all. I contemplate what it would be like to not have male appendages, but have female ones, instead. But I doubt very much that I'd ever go that surgical direction even if given the opportunity. I like my male self too much. I guess I, too, am a victim of society dysphoria as is Jessica BF above. I just wish I could, when desired, wave a wand and--poof--my voice and skin would be feminine with no beard. At least until midnight.

[Lana Mae]

I am on HRT for 8 months now! I never hated myself as a man! Lana Mae and Harry are becoming one! Next month I will change my name! Then I will head toward the necessary physical changes that will become me! I will be a tall, older, ugly lady, but I will be a lady! My boss has cleared me as long as I change my name on my nursing licence! Since she is fine with it, I do not care about anyone else! Yeah, maybe 100%! LOL Hugs Lana Mae

[Jenny22]

As I grew up, I force trained myself to be male in all things, even though the girl lived in my head and heart. I'd say gender dysphoria is near 100%.

[Elizabeth G]

I guess I'm somewhere in the middle. There are times that I have felt so strongly about transition I didn't know how I could continue in my Male existence while at other times I'm quite happy as a guy. Based solely on that statement I'm clearly not a candidate for transition but I certainly don't fit the binary model.

What about you Tracy?

[sarah_hillcrest]

50% But growing.

[Alice Torn]

I can relate with everything Jessica, Mary, Jenny, and Elizabeth wrote. I have the dilemna, and conflict with my male self and wanting to be a lady for short periods. Males are stifled, and straightjacketed in many ways. I wish there was a pill that made me a lady for a day or two, then back to guy!!

[docrobbysherry]

50% before I figured out I'm not trans. Maybe a CD or female impersonator?:battingeyelashes:

Since then? ZERO!:D

[Fran-K]

Jessica almost nailed it for me.

I'm a man. I think I'm a man. I'm a man in a man's body. Etc. But at the same time, I like dressing up (in dresses), makeup, lingerie, and so on. I also like to wear women's clothing while doing 'Manly Things" - I had a project to do in my workshop this afternoon and it was jeggings/panties/bra (no top, pretty hot here) ... and taps and dies and drills... Go figure.

As best I can figure out (putting things _very_ _simplistically_), some GG's have at most a passing interested in femininity (as we use it here), plain cotton undies, etc, etc. Others are very into dresses and makeup and hairstyle and so on. So why do those interests have to be confined to GG's? If a GG can be interested in machine tools and fast cars and not be considered a deviant ... why can't a GM be interested in dresses/etc? That's me ... a GM, who likes a lot (but not all) of "manly things" ... and a few "womanly things" too. So yeah, it's society that is "dysphoric", decreeing that these are for men, those for women with no objective basis for it.

That all ignores the question of why I want to "look like" a woman. Doesn't that mean, deep down, I want to be one, and therefore am dysphoric/trans/pick-a-term? I will say no, I do not want to be one. But when I dress, I'm looking more for the style/form/beauty/etc rather than the "underlying human". But even when I'm dressed, I don't have a moment's doubt that I'm a man but I'm not a MIAD because I'm attempting to emulate what society has said people who wear dresses and skirts should look like.

So I guess I'm 0% dysphoric, but about 99.999% feminine-wanna-be (at times). Does that make any sense?

Fran

[2B Natasha]

Tracy, that is an interesting question that is not easy to answer.

Do I have issues with my male self and body? Not at all. I've had a rip roaring good time in it. It has served me really well. I have beat on it, broken it, crashed it, wiped pieces off, had them sewn back on, generally abused it. Still. It just keeps ticking with no issues. My knees are good on no medication for anything still ( i think the next visit to the doctor will change that ).

Does that mean I want to keep it then? Nope. I think about changing it almost everyday. I dream, or day dream about rearranging the plumbing to fit what's in my head almost everyday. I've gone so far as to tell my wife that I will not die with a p&@#s. told her the car on our way to the theatre one night.

So where do I fit on the scale of 0 to 100. Probably a hundred and zero %

Does it help to answer your question? Doubt it but it's the best I can do with honesty.

Cheers
Natasha

[HannahB]

Jessica and several others pretty well defined it for me, too.

I'm a man. Always have been and always will be. But I also love being and dressing feminine at times. I believe that any dysphoria I experience comes from society's pressure on how I should dress and behave, not from any internal conflicts in my mind.

[Marcia Blue]

I have to have some gender dysphoria. I love my duality. That being said, there are times I have to dress. I would say maybe 30%. I do hate my male body but would love to have real female breasts maybe more.

[Robertacd]

My dysphoria is so strong that I have basically given my self breasts by sleeping in a tight bra for years (https://imgur.com/a/MU2G1aZ).

[GretchenJ]

For me , it averages around 20%, going at times at 0 and as high over periods of time (say over a week) at 70%.

[Rachelakld]

0%, don't want or need anything removed.
My work mate is 100% - tried killing herself, tried drugs, never touches downstairs, will have trouble in the future with jobs etc - not a fun life.

Maybe we should specify percentages? -
50% is wanting real breasts,
65% is wanting to cut off the old fella,
80% the full operation,
90% includes all the above and months of FRS ???

[SaraLin]

It drifts between 40 and 60%.

Some days I'm OK with being GM - but still a good sized part of me would prefer not to be.
Other days, I ache to be what I wasn't born to be - but not to the point of "change or die."

Add a wonderful, but barely tolerant SO to the mix, and life get interesting!

[GretchenM]

Great question Tracy. Back in 2012 and 2013 when I came out I was dysphoric almost constantly. But once I found that a gender identity merge reduced the dysphoria I became less and less dysphoric and just accepting who I was - only took 59 years to discover that. Only a moment in geological time.

Now I experience a very mild dysphoria maybe 10% of the time and otherwise none at all. I don't associate my gender with my sex; keep them separate as much as possible. Works for me. Today I start treatment for low grade prostate cancer. My testosterone will be completely blocked by Elegard and that will last for 6 months. It will be fascinating to see how the removal of that from my body will affect my identity. Will dysphoria grow as the hormonal support for masculinity vanishes or will it disappear completely as the feminization of my body and mind kicks in? They tell me I have a 90% to 96% chance of a complete cure which is fine by me. But the bumpy road getting there will be interesting. I will be keeping a detailed journal of both physical and psychological effects of the treatment. It is a grand experiment but too bad I have to be the guinea pig. I will let you all know what happens as it progresses. Ought to be interesting. I have found nothing in the literature about what happens psychologically to a male who is mildly TG during prostate cancer treatment where androgen blockers are used. Effects on cisgender males are documented, but apparently not an a TG male.

[CarlaWestin]

Well, I fall into the CD/female impersonator category. It might just be a wonderful escape into role playing.
Buuuuut! According to Rachelakld, I'm 50% because I truly would like to have wonderful natural breasts to keep hidden most of the time.
But then, that's probably more of a fetish thing.

[Angela Marie]

I look at gender as a continuum. At times I do feel mostly male; but the feminine characteristics and mannerisms are always there. I would say 60% to the feminine side; sometimes less, sometimes more.

[Teresa]

Tracy,
As it's an evolving process for me it's hard to put a figure on it . In my new home town I live full time so I achieve a balance , at the moment I'm committed to some family acitivities so I'm having to go back and forth , I do find it hard and my dysphoria just goes through the roof .

I don't hate my male body to the point I need surgery but my preference is to appear totally female all the time , I just feel comfortable and natural and importantly accepted as that in the RW .

[Asew]

For me it boils down to which definition.

1) "Gender dysphoria (GD) is the distress a person feels due to their birth-assigned sex and gender not matching their gender identity. People who experience gender dysphoria are typically transgender."
2) "Gender dysphoria involves a conflict between a person's physical gender and the gender with which he or she identifies."

For (1), yes there is distress, mostly involving my wife and kids, and sometimes going out to new places. So maybe 33%. For (2), it would be zero since I have no problem that I have a man's body with a feminine leaning non-binary gender identity. A year and a half ago it was probably 25% as I was just on the cusp of figuring out my gender identity.

[Sherrii]

Have to agree with how Jessica (and others) put it. I will add that, I like women. And that includes now and then trying to look like them, feel like them, be like them. Sherrii

[Cheryl T]

Maybe we should specify percentages? -
50% is wanting real breasts,
65% is wanting to cut off the old fella,
80% the full operation,
90% includes all the above and months of FRS ???

If a number must be assigned then I'm definitely nearing 60% with a 65% leaning...
There are days when it's much higher but rarely anytime when it's below 50%.
I suppose it's gotten higher now that I've retired and no longer have all the restrictions on me that were there before. I spend so much more time as a woman that it just keeps getting more and more natural.
Growing my hair out now and in process to remove all body hair permanently.
One day at a time ...

[NancySue]

I jump on Jessica’s bandwagon. Even though I’m one of the fortunate ones with a beautiful, supportive wife, it’s our negative, nosy community that frustrates me. I can dress all I want at home, but sometimes the urge to go out is intense. I’ve gone out, but with much trepidation of getting caught and the social and economic consequences that would follow. I’ve been at social gatherings where I wanted so badly to join in on some female conversations. Being a male, I’ll never know many of the female issues, but when it comes to fashion, makeup, etc. I would enjoy chatting. Recently, i saw one of our friends wife wearing a pair of heels, exactly like mine. I would’ve loved to chat with her about how comfortable they were, and how much I enjoy wearing hose, etc. Oh well...

[Felicia M]

Absolutely love Jessica's term 'society dysphoria'. We need to coin that and send it out into the world.

We are so far from a world of outside acceptance but it is slowly changing. I would imagine for most the removal of that barrier would be a massive weight lifted.
I no longer try to think in binary terms and just try and see the spectrum but I catch myself every once in awhile wanting to be more one than the other. It's a difficult balance
and it changes daily.....

[Stephanie47]

Interesting question for a cross dressing man. Gender identity does not match gender biology. I am way past trying to analyze why I do what I do. It seems I no longer think in male and female. I've lived my life as a male very comfortably. There have been little bumps along the way. When I feel the need to be en femme or emulate a woman it has been escape maleness, not to gravitate toward femaleness. Is there another alternative. Stress relief. I feel very comfortable as my male self. I feel very comfortable with myself emulating a woman. The problems that arise are generated by society which seems to be not on board with cross dressers or suffers of gender dysphoria.

Zero percent

[StephanieIndy]

Its interesting to read so many with low percentages, I always assumed that most CD had a level of Transgender feeling about themselves.

I myself probably put myself at about 90%. I know inside I am a woman. I have plans for FFS and BA within the next 12-18 months. I cancelled an appointment for HRT in the last few weeks, but expect to be on HRT by the end of the year at the latest. GCS is a huge and scary step that I want to take, but realistically have not looked into planning it too much yet.

[Robertacd]

Stephanie, I also find it interesting. But if you asked me ten years ago, I would have replied "I am a CD not TG" and the truth is that I would've been lying to myself as much as I was lying to you.

[Confucius]

Gender dysphoria? I have to confess an uncomfortable "yes". I believe gender dysphoria still occupies about 25% but as a child it was closer to 90%.

As a very young child I would hear my mother talk about our births. When my older brother was born she was hoping for a boy. I was her second pregnancy and she prayed and prayed to make it female. When I was born she was very disappointed. But when I was only six months old she found herself pregnant a third time. She was almost afraid to pray for a girl. However the third time was the charm. When my sister was born it was the happiest day of my mother's life. My sister grew up as my mother's pampered little princess. I grew up thinking that if I was a girl my mother would love me more.

As a young boy I believed all boys would have preferred to be girls. When I was three years old I would raid my mom's closet and tell my mom that I was playing "mommy". I thought that wanting to be a girl was normal, and I also thought that all parents preferred daughters because they were nicer, smarter, prettier, and never caused any trouble. Girls got all the attention, all the shiny items to make them pretty, and they were praised simply for their appearances. Of course I had gender dysphoria as a child.

I did identify as a boy, but I saw being a boy as a handicap in life. It wasn't until I was in puberty that I began to believe that their may be some advantages to being a boy. Gender therapists say that 75% of the young boys with gender dysphoria grow out of it by the time they reach adulthood. I believe I am one of those. I will also add that overcoming my gender dysphoria wasn't easy, and I'm still working on it. I still find more things to be admired from females than males. I don't believe I will ever transition. I want to be a loving husband, and a great father to my children. I see them as more important in life than my crossdressing, but crossdressing is a part of my life.

[Aunt Kelly]

For me it boils down to which definition.

1) "Gender dysphoria (GD) is the distress a person feels due to their birth-assigned sex and gender not matching their gender identity. People who experience gender dysphoria are typically transgender."
2) "Gender dysphoria involves a conflict between a person's physical gender and the gender with which he or she identifies."

For (1), yes there is distress, mostly involving my wife and kids, and sometimes going out to new places. So maybe 33%. For (2), it would be zero since I have no problem that I have a man's body with a feminine leaning non-binary gender identity. A year and a half ago it was probably 25% as I was just on the cusp of figuring out my gender identity.

Since you cited the American Psychiatric Association's definition (number 2 above), let us also consider the following, also from that source...

"Gender dysphoria is not the same as gender nonconformity, which refers to behaviors not matching the gender norms or stereotypes of the gender assigned at birth. Examples of gender nonconformity (also referred to as gender expansiveness or gender creativity) include girls behaving and dressing in ways more socially expected of boys or occasional cross-dressing in adult men."

They go on to list several findings, at least two of which must be present for at least six months in order to make the diagnosis of "gender dysphoria":

"In adolescents and adults gender dysphoria diagnosis involves a difference between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, and significant distress or problems functioning. It lasts at least six months and is shown by at least two of the following:


A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics
A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics
A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender
A strong desire to be of the other gender
A strong desire to be treated as the other gender
A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender"



By that definition, most of what is being discussed in this thread is not gender dysphoria.

[Princess Chantal]

0 percent here

[abbiedrake]

I'm entirely with Jessicabf here. Oh sure I've wondered what it'd be like to be a women etc. That's natural.
But I'm fine with being a man who unlike others is willing to indulge his emotions and sensuality. Two things that are trampled out of us males from birth. It's a huge contributor to why us men kill ourselves 3 times as often as women. Think of CDing as a preventative health measure.

So that's a 0 out of 10 for me.

[JaytoJillian]

Getting some nice changes through HRT, but still flying under the radar as a boy. If I could figure out how to go all of the way and retain my so-called male privilege in the work place, I would do so in a heartbeat. 50/50 is my forced reality, but 100 percent is where I want to be

[Teresa]

Confucius,
You raise one ot two interesting points .
The first is not knowing if other boys had the same feelings , especially as it was more sexual then . How many were slipping on their sister's or mother's clothing items , how normal or abnormal was it ? I wonder if we do totally grow out of it or it lays dormant ? What is the trigger later in life , it certainly explains late onset Cders .

Aunt Kelly ,
Thanks for the dysphoria definitions, I may not tick all the boxes but it's not important , the acceptance that I have dysphoria has made it far easier , I know what I'm dealing with and how to find a balance .

I'm not sure if I totally agree with your last line , sometimes people don't realise or choose to ignore what drives them , living with a gut feeling most of my life I wanted to know , I had to have answers to deal with it .

[GaleWarning]

0% here. It's just clothing and I am me, not matter what I am wearing.

[Aunt Kelly]

Theresa,
Again, one needn't check all those boxes, but in order to have a diagnosis of gender dysphoria, one must suffer from at least two for six months or more. That's an easy thing to grasp, so why do so many here insist that they suffer from GD when they don't meet those straightforward criteria?

[Taylor186]

There was a time when I thought some level of gender dysphoria would a convenient explanation for my desire to dress. Upon study and reflection I would now say that I'm very low and maybe even 0% dysphoric. I'm generally happy with my male self and even when fully dressed I consider myself male. A gender nonconformist? Certainly. But without dysphoria.

[April Rose]

I check off 2 possibly 3 of Aunt Kelly's boxes. I don't seem to have the body dysmorphia/dysphoria that my transitioning sisters have, so I won't be pursuing any of those changes. But I do feel the need for the role, or expression, of the "opposite" gender, and in fact live as much of it as I can in my daily life. I love the clothes, but I'm not just a cd.

[AllieSF]

Thanks Kelly for those clear definitions. My gender dysphoria includes these three items and were strong enough to create the need to transition. These feelings and needs were almost 100% of the time.:

- A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender
- A strong desire to be of the other gender
- A strong desire to be treated as the other gender

[Teresa]

Aunt Kelly,
In my case more like sixty years on at least three of them .

Without therapy or counselling anyone can self-diagnose but without a professional assessment it may not carry much credence . Initially labels didn't come easy to me, with counselling they can come thick and fast but they are only labels for their guidance and our help in accepting ourselves .

[Michaelasfun]

For me it’s society dysphoria.

Me too. With about 30% chance of GD.

[sometimes_miss]

Please round your percentage to the nearest tens place. Thanks.

The problem with that, is that it varies. Some days it's even non existent in my consciousness, on others it may be severe and all I can think about; and it will vary during that day as well.

So let's go for the middle of the road. 50%. How does that help?

[Lucy23]

Well according to those bulletpoints I don't have gender dysphoria. Although I sometimes wish I had breasts. Funny thing is I like wearing bras, but don't use forms.

Anyway, Jessicabf nailed it for me too, almost too well. I wish I could openly express myself without anyone thinking I'm some kind of psycho. As if wearing a skirt and flats would end the world.

[CD Rachel]

I would say that I have had various degrees of GD at different stages of my life. At times I was way too busy being a father, husband and provider to even pause and think of my gender issues. But recently the urge has lasted for years. I feel strongly drawn to being female including fantasizing about altering my male parts by either SRS or via mutilation both accidental or intentional. I fantasized about being a women and being with men. I often desire to be female and there have been times that I have completely lost it and cried myself to sleep wishing that there was a way to change the reality who I am. I have always not liked who I see in the mirror. At this point in my life I have accepted that there will never be a transition for me. I love someone else more than I love myself and I could not break my promise to her. I have come out to my wife as a crossdresser and she accepts me as that. I love our relationship and that she supports me in my dressing. The CDing will have to be enough.. I would say that my GD ranges from 50% (moderate) to 80+% (raging) But I will make my stand here. I may seek a therapist to help me...??

[Angie G]

I think my GD is at or near 0% I jusy feel like dressing as a girl all I possibly can. :hugs:
Angie

[Ressie]

I'm just a transvestite with a slight case of AGP. Does that sound like GD? I don't really know.

I had a lot of mixed scripts growing up between parents, siblings, friends etc. Wanted to be female when I was a teen but didn't really feel trapped in the wrong body. My thoughts about it are ever changing so it's best not to think about it!

[MarinaTwelve200]

I'm just a transvestite with a slight case of AGP. Does that sound like GD? I don't really know.

I had a lot of mixed scripts growing up between parents, siblings, friends etc. Wanted to be female when I was a teen but didn't really feel trapped in the wrong body. My thoughts about it are ever changing so it's best not to think about it!

Looks like AGP to me. Not feeling like being in the wrong body, still intrigued about being a female, not really sure what is going on. You like and respect females SO much you wanna be one----and then in periods of lucidity---"Or do I?"

[Bea_]

0% - I love the clothes from the women's department and love looking down and seeing my toenails painted, but I dress as a man in women's clothes and not as a woman.

[Elizabeth1980]

I would say I am at about 50% GD, as a rough estimate. I’d like to grow my nails and hair long, and shave my legs and chest regularly.
I like to be thin and girly, unlike my brothers who both lift weights at the gym and are masculine alpha-male types. At work and at home I relate to others as a male though.
Aunt Kelly - Thanks for the American Psychiatric Association's definition.

[Jane G]

Hopefully gender dysphoria is only suffered by those who have not figured out who they are. Me I'm old and these days pretty much know exactly who I am and why I dress. So I am a Zero. When I was younger it was very differentl. For a several years, in my teens and twenties, I was possibly 65% on the female side. I will never know, had I taken plunge, how my life may have been now. All I can say is, generally it is very good. Much due to the love of a good wife and family.

[Tracy Irving]

Aunt Kelly,
While doing research for this thread, I also came across the definition presented. I don't know if it is something everyone agrees with but, at the very least, it is a nice read for those who are posting about their own form of gender dysphoria in some of the recent threads.

While reading the definition, I was struck by the all or nothingness of it. Check two boxes for six months and we have a "yes". Anything less is a "no".

I assumed that quite a few of the responses would be zero percent but was curious as to how many felt somewhere in the middle.

[Teresa]

Tracy,
For so many years I didn't know the correct term, all I know is sixty years ago something kicked off and left me with a continual gut feeling of something not being right , it's taken far too long to know what boxes to tick now I have I can move on .

[sometimes_miss]

Hopefully gender dysphoria is only suffered by those who have not figured out who they are.
For myself, it seems that the gender confusion that I went through from say, age about 7 through high school, probably caused some type of permanent alteration in how I feel myself to be. Though I would later discover more feelings and behaviors which 'sort of' indicate that I am genuinely male, there still remains a lingering feeling that I'm supposed to be a girl. I don't know whether this has something to do with the development stage during which I was introduced to the idea that I was supposed to be a girl but became a boy due to god's mistake, or if there are other underlying reasons. But during those years, I came to believe it, even seeing past events that I erroneously chalked up to supporting the 'I'm really supposed to be a girl' idea. Going through those years self identifying as female may have caused that feeling to remain in my mind permanently, even though everything else seems to point to my being male.
Then, also, there is the problem that for long periods I did not crossdress nor feel like I was female. These happened when everything in my life was going well, with all my other needs (affection, sex) being fulfilled. Only when I encountered a great deal of stress did the desire to crossdress return with a vengeance. I believe that my mind simply successfully repressed the female feelings and desires, and only was overcome when too many other problems arose, and I was unable to subconsciously keep the 'crossdressing genie' in the bottle, so to speak. Post divorce, I haven't tried to keep the fem feelings bottled up, as I lived alone and was able to indulge in wearing what I felt was appropriate, even though that might not meet with what society feels is appropriate.

[Aunt Kelly]

Tracy,
My citations came the APA and the DSM. That definition of GD is specific for a reason. It is the standard by which a diagnosis may be made, and appropriate treatment indicated, and in many cases, qualified for coverage. The literature recognizes a range of "gender non-conforming " conditions, but leaves less room for nuance when making the GD diagnosis.

[Solange]

Probably going to get crucified for this but here goes...

I don't like labels. Psychologists like labels, so do governments, insurance companies and conservative religious groups. The reason I particularly dislike "gender dysphoria" is that it makes something perfectly natural sound like a condition. Sadly this is necessary. The underlying reality is that today's health care system requires labels, since to be treated by a medical professional AND have the cost covered by insurance you must have a formally recognized condition.

The problem is, although professionals can say gender dysphoria without judgement, it sounds pretty serious to the average Joe/Jane. The label itself is destructive.

I would advocate for a change in perspective. Rather than trying to fix everyone (what does a fixed human look like anyway) we realize we are each discovering something wonderful: our uniqueness.

We seem to believe that our sex assignment/gender/sexuality is something simple. Not true. Let me give an example to ponder.

Do you like boats? Yes, or no.

Generally I would say I like boats. But the reason I like canoes differs dramatically from the reason I like cruise liners. What if I like fishing boats but not ski-boats. Am I no longer a boat lover because I don't love all boats. What if I love some boats and some airplanes. Do I now have transportation dysphoria?

The reality is that I feel so peaceful sitting and sipping coffee in a wonderfully soft and sensual sage green dress and pantyhose, my EE forms held in a lightweight bra that allows the silhouette of my nipples to poke through. But a little later, I will head out to the workshop and for some serious woodworking. After that I'm going to clean bathrooms and vacuum and can tomato sauce. While all this is happening I'm trying to keep laundry going. And crap, I really need to mow the lawn.

So, sharpen your talons girls and hurl all the insults and criticism you want. I'm going to have my second cup of coffee.

Kisses

-S

[Pumped]

For me it is probably 50% maybe higher. I remember growing up I hated the typical things that boys do, I have zero interest in sports, no interest in the competition aspect of it. I remember playing softball, doing something wrong, getting harassed about it and just walking off the field in embarrassment. I remember playing hop-scotch with girls in grade school, and the harassment from the boys when they found out. That was embarrassing too so I did not fit in either place.

As the years have gone by I now realize I could have gone gay or hetro, not sure why I ended up hetro, probably because it was easier, it is what you are supposed to be. I remember having gay thoughts with male friends, but never acting on them because I was afraid of the ridicule. Even today while I have been happily married for over thirty years I often wonder how I did not wander down the other path.

[JeanTG]

Variable. Right now, at 100%. Anxiety and stress bring it to the fore. And yesterday stress (and anxiety) were off the meter due to a family emergency (which thankfully resolved OK). But it can drop to as low as maybe 20% when life is zen and firing on all cylinders. But that rarely is the case as I get older for some reason (the reason starts with the letter "m"). I would say in more normal times it can range from about 30% female to 70% female. In more normal times, an occasional dress-up day or go out dressed day feeds the monster for a while. Bad times like right now I just want to curl up into the fetal position in my best fleece nightgown with the comforter pulled up to my ears. Which is exactly what I just did for a couple of hours.

[Aunt Kelly]

...I don't like labels. Psychologists like labels, so do governments, insurance companies and conservative religious groups.


So does any reasonable person who wishes to communicate effectively. "Labels" are just words which those with a need do so have agreed upon. That you, or anyone for that matter, don't "like" them doesn't change their utility.


The reason I particularly dislike "gender dysphoria" is that it makes something perfectly natural sound like a condition.
That's because it is a condition, a medical condition. Normal people suffer from medical conditions all the time. How is gender dysphoria any different from (to grab something at random...) phenyketonuria (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phenylketonuria) when it comes to their applicability to the condition each describes? Your argument that the term itself is destructive is true only for those who don't understand it.

I don't disagree that the diagnosis of gender dysphoria can carry a certain stigma amongst the uninformed, but that's their problem. Reasonable, informed people don't suffer for the simple use of a term that accurately and concisely describes something.

Your tortured yachting metaphor actually disproves your assertion that labels do not matter. Unless we use the label sailboat, or powerboat, or shirmpboat, those we are trying to communicate with will have only a vague (and likely inaccurate) idea of what we're talking about. Gender dysporia has a specific meaning, and while the signs and symptoms that define the diagnosis (or not) are multivariate (each of us being different) when they reach a certain threshold, the term may be rightly applied. A fetish cross-dresser is not non-binary and does not suffer from gender dysphoria. There is no judgement in that. Stop trying to make it so.

[Solange]

Still just loving my coffee. Be careful who you call ignorant, AK.

[Miss V]

For most of my life it was just the fun of dressing. But as I age, I get these strange feelings of, what I guess, could be called "Dysphoria". The desire to actually be female. To get rid of my penis and transition.

It's sometimes very strong, but I manage to suppress it.

[DanielleCD]

If I have to put a number on it... with everything I've read, tested and discussed. I'd put myself at roughly 35% feminine. I spend most of life masculine... dressed, actions, interests etc. Part of me though needs/wants that bit of feminine softness... and I get that thru being dressed and being fem for a while. Part of it, especially when I was younger and didn't understand, was sexual fetish, stress relief. Now older and little wiser.. it's just being that bit feminine that soothes my soul.

[Teresa]

Aunt Kelly,
I tend to agree with most of your reply to Solange but I don't go along with your last sentence . I'm not going to attempt to speak for everyone but I would say others have started or lived with fetish elements , I would to like see the number of men honestly stick their hand up and admit they have some elements in thought or reality .
From my gender counselling I know I have GD she also suggested that people can have fetish elements with GD, they can coexist .

Again this is the problem with labels , it implies we fit in certain boxes suggesting that only the label on that box applies to them and excludes all others . I know now I'm driven by more than one label , I've finally come to terms with them , I have a balance in my life , in reality they don't affect me anymore , I'm just living the life they have given me .

[Eve_cd]

Completely depends on the day. Pretty much every day I dislike being hairy. The process of making myself smooth is pretty involved and with 6 kids and a wife who is doing her best to be understanding/accepting (and prefers me bearded and fuzzy) the necessary maintenance is nearly impossible. Permanent solutions are, for the time being, prohibitively expensive. I’m fine with my body otherwise in male mode, but when I dress, I wish my figure matched the way I feel. I have no issue with my boy bits, they’re fun, and I’m pretty adept at hiding them away when the outfit calls for it. I would absolutely consider temporary “enhancements “ if such a thing were readily available, but I have no interest in permanent changes. In a completely unrealistic utopia involving magic or highly advanced technology, I would have the ability to morph back and forth at will. Alas, I have not found a bottle with a genie, polyjuice potion recipe, or access to nanotechnology, so that’s out. I only recently(past week or so) started to question wether or not my irritability, impatience, and near constant fantisization (predominantly non-sexual) were in fact symptoms of dysphoria. If a number is what’s being looked for, the best I can do is a range: 20-70% depending on the day and presence of stress.

[April Rose]

I don't see any way I can honestly and accurately answer this question the way that it is put.

I can say that I try to live as feminine a life as I can, without causing more problems than I am solving.

[abbiedrake]

I have to say I agree with Teresa, and, to an extent, Solange.

Kelly, your use and citation of clinical information is often of invaluable use on this forum. But the CURRENT clinical diagnostic criteria for GD, for example, are, one would hope, far from the last word on the subject. Diagnoses are typically best guesses based on symptoms presented. But this is why the DSM has grown from only a few dozen pages to several hundred in only, what, fewer than 7 decades?!

My own wife's genetic condition is one first disgnosed as a separate disorder a tad over a hundred years ago. She was 44 before being diagnosed because it presents as a variety of other, more likely conditions. For this reason Ehlers-Danlos is considered a Zebra of a condition. On description one assumes a horse, and one would be very wrong, is the analogy.

Labels are only ever any use as a matter of expediency. I can variously identify as gender-nonconforming, Non-binary, gender fluid, genderqueer, panvestite, transvestite, or crossdresser. I'm not particularly adverse to any, though I have my preferences. But the gamut here runs from occasional knicker wearer to transgender who seeks SRS. That's a broad church yet we've all made a compact to agree CD as being sufficient.

Clinical diagnoses are not, however, what Solange was necessarily disputing. We all understand the necessity of such in determining prognosis and treatment. But it's neither disingenuous, nor unhelpful, to point out that there are limits to both labels generally and even clinical diagnoses specifically. As we learn more we necessarily alter out language to more accurately reflect our deeper understanding. This is progress. But absolutism, except of clinical necessity can be deeply damaging.

Just to stick with labels and gender look at the historic treatment of intersex individuals. The fight is still being fought to normalise the reality that these people live, instead of continuing to force them into one of two boxes.

I think the point both Teresa and Solange make is that, yes, boxes can be usefully as neat containers but often the edges are way too sharp.

Language defines and shapes perception but that's often a two edged sword.

As Teresa puts it, an NB fetish dresser is not an oxymoron.

- - - Updated - - -

In other words, labels (including clinical diagnoses) are useful right up to the point where they're not.

... and. Please. Could no-one waste anyone's time with accusations of being post-truth? I'm simply arguing that current scientific and societal discourse is shaped by CURRENT understanding. Hopefully we'll have better, more helpful, more inclusive ways of discussing each other like, I dunno, 'human' when we finally evolve past our petty need for belonging, which is predicated, always, on defining someone as 'other'.

Dammit, destroyed another perfectly good soapbox...

[jamienoir]

I think I'm on the lower spectrum. I have no desire to be a woman or have woman parts. I dont even underdress. It's all or nothing for me. I dont want to go shopping enfemme or walk around.

But I do love dressing as a woman. I love the clothes, makeup, wigs, nails etc. I do want to go out to CD events and or parties and hang w other CDs. I love that part of it. I like the transformation from man to woman. It's an odd hobby I guess for me. I've been dressing all my life. I could walk in heels by the time I was 9 or 10. I was even buying my clothes by the time I was 12 (cheap discount store stuff).

[soyangela]

These type of threads are really interesting in trying to understand where I'm at. I'm Male but throughout my life I've worn women's clothes because I want to look and feel like a female. It makes me feel good to hear some ladies talk about being manly and doing manly things. Makes me feel less of an odd duck. I think I'm at or below 50%. If it weren't for family considerations it would be higher.

[KiraK]

I'm not really sure where I would put myself on a percentage scale. I guess it depends on the specifics of the moment. When I'm dressed, my mind instantly tries to soften up my demeanor and mannerisms (speech will never be something I get to feminize as I have a low tenor/ high baritone voice). When dressed in normal male clothing, my mind goes back to standard masculine mode, though I do catch myself wanting to be dressed feminine a lot more every day. The weekends can be a little rough right now since my wife is home and we are in DADT mode. I can only dress during the week when she is at work and not home. Since I work from home, it's easier to stay dressed during the day for long periods of time. I only have to go back to male clothing when I have work to do outside or away from home. I think for me the range would be from about 10% to 40% on average. I've never hit the 100% mark for any reason. I'm perfectly ok with being a hetero male overall, with just a touch of the feminine side when I'm dressed. Fantasies of turning into a woman are another thing entirely, and are primarily of the sexual fetish type, gender swap and the like, but that is left to erotica and such. I have no interest in transitioning.

[Rollermiss]

Thanks to a friend of my wife's, a psychiatrist. I have been diagnosed with gender dysphoria a little over a year ago. So I would say I am 100%.

Kelsey

[jacques]

hello Tracy,
my sex is 100% male; my sexuality is 100% heterosexual; my gender is somewhere in the middle - I like women's clothing, the company of women, dislike manly sports like boxing, avoid macho bigots ...
luv J

[nikkiwindsor]

I'm somewhere in the middle...I love my feminine side...dislike my masculine side - my GD isn't bad enough to compel me to transition. And obligations abound that keep me living as a man. I just take it one day at a time.

[Kay J]

I would say i love the best of both world to put a number on it i would say 20% feminine and 80% masculine but if the world and my wife would except us then it would be 80% and 20%!

[Aunt Kelly]

...Kelly, your use and citation of clinical information is often of invaluable use on this forum. But the CURRENT clinical diagnostic criteria for GD, for example, are, one would hope, far from the last word on the subject. Diagnoses are typically best guesses based on symptoms presented. But this is why the DSM has grown from only a few dozen pages to several hundred in only, what, fewer than 7 decades?!


I agree, and I'm sorry if I did not make it clear that the actual S&S that must be evaluated are a combination unique to each patient. Some of us have GD so severe that there is little need for a professional to help sort things out. Others (myself, for example) are surprised to find that they suffer from GD. Those close to me, and my therapist of course, seemed to know long before I did. The diagnosis is not arbitrary or automatic.

[Leelou]

This is an interesting thread and I've enjoyed reading everyone's responses. It was nice to see the definition from the APA posted by Aunt Kelly. I don't consider myself gender dysphoric and it was interesting to see a clinical definition.

I've considered myself gender nonconforming for quite a while. I also like the other terms gender expansiveness and gender creativity.

[Victoria_Winters]

I would say I don?t have gender dysphoria. I absolutely have dysphoria about my life in general and have an extremely low self view. While there are time I wish I could be a female most of the time I?m glad I?m a guy. My sexual orientation is straight and I like women. After having been married for a number of years I have learned that a female body can be a complete nightmare at times. Plus having the weight of breasts does get old sometimes. (I got a lower back injury from work). If I would switch between male and female at will I would jump on that in an instant.

With that said, I love dolling myself up. I parade around my now empty house and go about my day at home like it was nothing wearing what ever I wish. Some times I did wish I had someone to share it with.