Going out after a long break

[HollyGreene]

It's been a very long time since I was able to go out dressed. But now my wife and children are overseas visiting family for 3 weeks, so I've been having a great time.
However, when I went out today, I felt almost as nervous as I did the first time, because it's been about 18 months since I last went out.
So I took it easy. Drove around for a while (I feel safe in my car), and got out for a walk in what was a fairly deserted park. If I saw anyone ahead, I'd divert off to avoid them.
It's all crazy behaviour, because I've been through this and had a lot of confidence when outside. Really odd that I've lost it.

I'm going to get back my confidence though, by going out every day during this 3 week period.

[occdresser]

Driving around is the greatest experience for sure

[Tracii G]

By diverting you are bringing on more attention to yourself you know that right?

[alwayshave]

HollyGreene , no one really cares. I hope your confidence comes back.

[Helen_Highwater]

Holly,

I totally understand. While I dress at home my opportunities to go out are severely limited. Each initial time going out is nerve racking.

The last time I did it I sat in the car parked in the supermarket car park watching folks come and go for a good 5 minutes. I finally thought, "Come on, get on with it", stepped out the car and grabbed a shoppy trolly. Yep, walking into the store had the butterflies crashing about but within a minute or so normal service was resumed.

Interacting with the assistant on the deli counter and then the checkout just felt normal. That was the start of a week enfemme so all I can say is, get back on that horse, you never forget how to ride a bike.

[Angela Marie]

I had the same issue after I purged and stopped dressing for about two years. I started go dress again last year and my confidence is increasing. I went shopping yesterday and it felt great. It takes time. Be patient.

[April Rose]

It has always been that way with me. Whether it is my confidence in shopping,or back when I was going out, there was, and is, a period of anxiety before I can get back to the confidence I had developed earlier.

[Teresa]

HollyGreene,
I've been out full time for 18 months but still have to revert to male mode for certain family events , it may only be for a few hours but it still takes time to gather myself to face the RW again . I feel it's more to do with my dysphoria but I know when the makeup goes on and I choose my outfit for the day it will all be fine . Today I had to find some spare parts for my car from Eurospares with my MOT coming up and then walk down the High Street to buy some toiletry items and finally fill up with fuel at Sainsbury's .

I can understand making the most of every minute but you know it's only for three weeks and then what ? I'm so glad that's over for me .

Diverting is inevitable until you find your confidence , I must admit I've never done that I'm more for the offensive rather than defensive , look them straight in the eye , smile and be pleasant .

[Stephanie47]

I think everyone experiences the "What if's." Although 999/1,000 people may not really care there is always the lingering thought we may encounter that 1/1,000 who may make an walk or encounter less than satisfactory. My wife went to visit her cousin out of state for eight days/seven nights. I had not been out for an evening drive and stroll for some time. I always stroll in the same safe residential neighborhood in the early evening. It refreshed and satiated my desire to be outside the security of my home. Nothing happened. I did almost was knocked over by a teenage boy bounding out of his home off to somewhere. I did go out once or twice more, but, alas, it did get rather boring with really nothing to do than tire my feet.....comfortable wedge at that too!

[Sallee]

I know that feeling I usually dress way down for the first trip jeans and blouse with sneakers Something that is very blendable. I am always very nervous but I have had very few problems ever. NO one really cares after a few hours of malling and walking around the city I am beginning to feel very comfortable and almost forget how I am dressed. I'll inter act and the most I get is a knowing smile. Just have fun and don't worry about it. ITS NOT ILLEGAL OR IMMORAL

[HollyGreene]

When driving around (in drab) today, I looked at all the women that I passed and noticed that every one of them was wearing jeans (close fitting) or leggings, a simple top and flat shoes.
So today, I went out wearing similar clothes to blend in. I have to say that I was having one of my good makeup days, too.
I walked around the town centre, and nobody so much as looked at me. That was a real confidence boost.
I'll be back out again tomorrow.