Can lack of dressing cause depression?

[shellybme]

Have not dressed in so long. I spend hours looking through things online wishing I could dress and I have no light in sight of when I can dress again and it’s definitely affecting my mood. Ugh!!!

[Micki_Finn]

I can’t give you the clinical answer but in general when you are deprived of something you enjoy, it’s not uncommon to experience sadness. I don’t know that “affecting your mood” reaches all the way to depression, but if you do experience actual symptoms of depression, please see a mental health professional.

[shellybme]

Ok maybe depression is a little extreme lol but I’m definitely grumpy and a bit of a bitch.

[BTWimRobin]

I wouldn't call it depression but I am a much happier, calmer person when I do dress.

[RADER]

Maybe try under dressing if you can. Start off with Panties, maybe add Hose or/and a Bra.
At least you will be partly dressed. I wear Female Jeans all the time, no one ever said
anything about them, they look like men's wear, but are for women.
Rader

[kimdl93]

Not cross dressing won’t make you depressed, but how one thinks about not cross dressing may push a person with depressive tendencies into a depressed state.

[Ressie]

Maybe looking online for hours wishing you could dress is causing the depression? If dressing is part of an addiction like it is for me - you might feel anxiety which goes with depression.

But it's thoughts about it that is causing these feelings IMO. If you were forced to think of something else for those few hours (for some reason) your mind wouldn't be on whether or not you could dress.

[clairemarie]

I can attest that it has caused me a lot of depression. At the beginning of my marriage my wife was very accepting. I told her before the wedding. About 10 years into the marriage we were on vacation and walking down a street in London when she informed me she no longer wanted to discuss the subject. I have no idea where this comment came from. I thought we had reached a happy arrangement. There was no discussion leading up to this statement. This was 15 years ago and I don’t see it ever changing.
I have all of my feminine clothes where they are easily accessible. One half of my closet has my dresses, blouses, and slacks. The other half is suits, slacks, and shirts. My slips bras, and panties are in two of the draws on my side of the bathroom next to the draws with my boxers, socks, and tee shirts. Nothing is hidden. It’s like living with an elephant in the house but never mentioning it.
This is a very depressing. I feel it is also causing me some health problems.
I am looking into counseling. I feel sure she will not participate in this.
I usually dress when she is out for the day shopping or traveling with her daughter or sister. I look forward to her leaving for any length of time. I don’t think this is much of a life. I know this situation has to cause pain in our marriage, but I do not see us ever divorcing. We chose each other to be partners for life. We both took seriously what we vowed, “for better or for worse”.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

i can only dress 3 or 4 times a year but the urge to dress consumes me, it has driven me to nervous breakdowns and thoughts of suicide

[Tracii G]

I guess if you let it get to you it could but that depends on how strong a person you are.
No matter how bad things got in my life I never got depressed over it because it could have been a lot worse.
If its just dressing get over it and maybe underdress to fill the need until you can dress.

[Tina June]

Not being able to dress will affect each of us differently of course. Just try to keep your spirits UP - and don't be afraid to ask for professional help if needed.
As for NON-professional help - you can always talk to us. We love you and want you to be Happy!

[kimdl93]

Again, I have to emphasize that its how one chooses to think that can aggravate depressive tendencies. As someone who has been treated for very severe clinical depression I can attest to the power of negative thinking...in the many forms it can take. If one feels that limited opportunity to dress is a matter of denial or repression, or something imposed upon you, rather than a choice, then one can push their thoughts into depression. If I could find the article, dealing with mistaken beliefs, those than help create and push a depressive mind set , I would. But the essence is that we choose how we react to circumstances. That choice can be constructive or destructive. Often our choices are habitual and automatic, but as often, these habitual and automatic choices are totally wrong and self destructive.

In other words, don’t blame the clothes you’re wearing. Look at your thought processes and ask yourself if your thoughts are what are causing your problems. Again, I speak from considerable experience. I now how easy it is to succumb to the temptation to feel the victim of circumstance. But, in the final analysis, you and I have the choice to decide how we will feel, how we will respond, and how we will conduct our lives.

[Cheshire girl]

Not sure what clinical terms to use but anxiety or depression can arise from the frustration of not being able to dress. I only dress when I can go the whole way and go out. This takes time and I need at least half a day at a time. Whole days are even better. I sometimes think I don’t get full value from the huge wardrobe and all the accessories I have accumulated over the years. A couple of times a month doesn’t seem enough but when I do it I feel great and realise how lucky I am to have come so far and to be able to blend in mainstream society. I would feel very anxious if I had to go a long time without dressing.

[docrobbysherry]

Maybe I'm dressing TOO MUCH!?

The last few times I've felt very stressed when I started dressing.:doh:

But, felt ok again after I finished dressing up!:battingeyelashes:

[GretchenM]

Some really good responses. Kim's thoughts on it are very close to what the medical and therapeutic community finds is the case. In fact, when the DSM5 was being written there was suggestion that Gender Identity Disorder be replaced by Gender Expression Deprivation Disorder, but Gender Dysphoria won out. The discomfort from not being able to express yourself through dressing, or any other means, creates a stress in the brain that is difficult to reconcile. That creates a flood of chemicals that are associated with creating depression. So, the real task is being able to turn off or limit the impact of those chemicals. I have found that when I get into that jam even little things included in my expression help a lot. So, underdressing may help or, in my case, wearing women's T-shirts in solid women's colors (bright and cheery) helps a lot and the style is basically the same as a men's T-shirt. So nobody frets about it and I am viewed as being consistent with expectations even though I am anything but consistent. If you are feeling depressed then you need to try different things that can remove or reduce the feeling otherwise it will become a pattern and that is when you get in trouble. Try some experimentation with mild expression and try to attach that mild expression with your needs. It may help.

[Judy-Somthing]

I know how you feel.
It's been about two months now. So hard to find time to dress.
My wife says if I continue to dress it will break us up.
When she's gets in a bad mood she looks for evidence.

[Teresa]

Shellybme,
It can seriously affect your mental health depending how bad your dysphoria is , suppressing such a strong driving force if some people can lead to a drastic outcome .

To some it maybe the odd occasion to satisfy a need to others it can be mental cruelty , just because others do not approve doesn't solve your need , at some point you have to come to terms with it and accept it's part pf you .

[Asew]

It sure can.

[alwayshave]

I don't get depressed when I can't dress. However, I do feel a profound happiness when I do dress.

[Fran-K]

Hi

One form of depression is physiological - your brain makes too much, or not enough, of the right chemical. I doubt that not-dressing can cause this condition - on the other hand, I could see that the stress/etc of not dressing can “activate” the condition.

Another form is situational ... something in life makes you sad/unhappy/etc - all the symptoms of physiological depression. I expect that not-dressing can certainly bring this on. I think that being “grumpy” is a form of this.

I am very limited in when I can dress. As others have pointed out, two things that help me are this forum (I’m dressing vicariously through you all ... thanks girls), and wearing women’s jeans.

Fran

[Tracii G]

Shelby are you actually trans or just a CDer or hobby dresser?
If its just a hobby or fun thing that you do then maybe under dress or wear a piece of womens clothing.
If you are trans or having GID thats a totally different thing and maybe a therapist can help.

[Jane G]

Depends where you are at on the offten overused gender dysphoria scale. If you are cross gender and your mind needs a female body then for sure, not dressing, or not being able to present as who you are, is going to get you down a whole lot more, than it you simply dress because it makes you feel good and creates an opportunity to be a bit different, take a few risks and generally just poke the boring stuff in the eye once in a while.

[Remee]

I don't dress as often but yes it does consume my mind so I underdress atleast once a week to fill the need.

[MarinaTwelve200]

It's like a "FIX" I need ever so often keeps me going for about 3 weeks or so---then I need another. I average one good session a month. However the rains have kept people in my house for the last 3 months, and I haven't been able to dress lately. But today and the next few days I will be alone and Marina will finally come out to play again. Already I have finished polishing my nails. and I have a new Lipstick to try out "Always Red" by Sephora. I heard it is the standard of the Rockettes, they buy it by the boxes. And the shade is famous for going with nearly all skin tones.

I do not get depressed when I can't dress, Just "antsy". I can deal with it, if need be, but it sure feels GOOD to get my FIX when the time comes.

[Stephanie47]

I've always asked the question "Why does one choose to wear women's clothing?" I always preface it with the proviso "Not how it makes you feel, but, the true "why?" When I was still working there was some degree of job related stress. It was not working with clients. It was dealing with bosses who had to deal with work production. There was also the normal stress of family life. There was issues of PTSD related to military service in Nam. Throw all that crap into a pot and stir. I have many friends in a PTSD support group who self medicated with booze and drugs. They choose to escape in an injurious manner. I choose to seek relief in becoming someone else; Stephanie. I suppose I could have indulged myself in one of my hobbies more than I did, but, there was no internal transformation building military plastic models or working on a stamp collection.

When the kids were young my wife was a "stay at home mom." There was no chance to bring Stephanie out. My wife thought the kids needed to attend Sunday school. So, she was able to get a job as a nursery attendant at a church of her denomination. That was great it afforded me about 2 1/2 hours a Sunday to slip into my small collection of lingerie. It had a calming effect. However, it was still akin to catching what I call is "grabbing some crumbs of time." Short burst of activity. It wasn't until the kids were in school from 9 to 3 and my wife had a part time job somewhere that I could take off a therapy day for more time. As the kids got older there was more time available. When my wife finally had a part time job working full days I had seven hours of Stephanie time.

I definitely felt the difference when summer rolled around and the kids were off and my wife was off. Ugh! There was no Stephanie time for ten weeks. There was no time for "stress Relief Stephanie" to appear. I would "climb the walls" because my "drug of choice" could not be used.

I would not call it depression. Yes, grumpy may be a good term. There was definitely negativity involved with trying to suppress the need. I can image for those ladies here whose wives constantly berate them for cross dressing, life must be days of torment. Yes, I can see a person getting totally depressed. If it goes that far I would recommend some sort of therapy.

[Sallee]

Clairemarie Seems like we have a similar situation My wife was quite accepting and encouraging years ago at the beginning of our relationship. We would go to functions and a support group together but now 40 yrs later not at all. She finds it disgusting. I do have a storage place and do manage girl time but it is definitely DADT. It can be a bit frustrating and I am going to go to a counselor this week. I won't say depression but frustration certainly

[Palaina Nocturnus]

Hello,

I'm reading all of this great advice, and I have to say, this forum is an amazing place to be a part of!

I've been thru a divorce where she encouraged me to dress then would condemn me for it. She was extremely abusive in all 4 ways. As a result I went thru rehab, Christian single and couples counseling, therapists and psychologists. I'm not an expert on this subject, just giving my 2 cents...

If your level of depression makes you suicidal or starts to interfere with basic everyday tasks such as eating, sleeping, unable to move, etc then get professional help immediately. Different things work for different people.

Currently I'm unable to dress up because I moved into my family's home with my 2 year old son while I file for disability. I've found that keeping my legs and face shaved, wearing women's jeans shorts and shirts, and keeping my nails cute has helped to alleviate the tension and sadness I'm feeling.

My 2 year olds mom (I also have a 20 year old that is straight and knows about me dressing) doesn't want me dressing up in front of our son or her 11 year old daughter. I've had to compromise and be as androgynous as possible to keep me somewhat happy. Also, in the very least, I only wear womens underwear now and I have a collection of camisoles for daily wear.

I agree with the advice given, it's all about you controlling your reactions and emotions while doing whatever it takes that is healthy to keep your mind from obsessing.

Good luck luv!!!!!!

[sara66]

I doesn't make me depressed but it can make me a bit crankier.
Sara

[shellybme]

Thank you all for the great advice and responses. I might have been a bit over board saying it was depression. That is serious and no one should make light of it. I was just in a really bad mood. As suggested my dysphoria might be more than I thought it was. I do try to underdress as much as I can but it’s not what I want looking back at me. I am putting things in perspective and maybe some day soon Shelly can come out again.

[Nicole Bernard]

I can say that I've been dealing with depression for the last seven years. I do see a pattern that after I have a dressing session I do feel more "down" when I have to go back to guy mode. I wouldn't go as far to say I'm depressed after though.

[JennniferMcC]

For myself I say...YES! Emphatically. I've just come through a 12 year long purge. I was getting suicidal. My dressing is definitely not where I need it to be yet, but even the tiny concession I got from my wife has eased things for me considerably.

[Devi SM]

Please don't get me wrong. This is not for all, ok?
I read several comments here that are kind the same and I would call it gender dysphoria.
My opinion is just based in my own experience trough years where this anguish, depression, sadness, etc, would take differe t ways but slowly I crescendo. It took me to do crazy things. To dress wasn't enough. It had to be out, go to places dressed, Interact with others cds, women, men etc. I could stop for years, being more sport active, more sexual active, so purge several times, but it never really stopped.
What was my solution? Face my primary lem, because it was a problem.

Someone said, If it doesn't let you be able to work. It wasn't my peo lem, I could work, and more, without dressing but my personality had treats that I didn't know were just the reaction of a conflict in my gender.
I won't say that hormones is the solution but it means a radical desicion that showed me a path and the freedom.
Things weren't easy after but so many pro lems I had were resolved ed pretty soon and had the ability, ear mind and peace of it to act different, with patience because now it wasn't about dressing.
I'm now almost years and a half in HRT, living full time as a woman with the same wife of 40 years and my 3 kids and wife supporting me. I never imagined that would be possible but I'm a different person because I killed the manning me.
So.don't take my words as the onlky way, but I'd seen in many here the same life I lived for so many years.
They are trans people but don't know or do t want to know, is not convenient, is too cocomplicated, too hard, is impossible, for me it was.
GENDER DYSPHORIA.

[Allison Chaynes]

I don't think in and of itself that it does, but there are related factors mentioned here that certainly can help drive it. When I was seeing a therapist, the periods where I could dress more seemed less stressful, which was something SHE pointed out to me. Granted, I have bigger concerns than crossdressing, like heart problems, job loss and blackballing by a former boss, kids with severe behavioral problems we cannot seem to figure out... but CDing, even if it's just a little, helps me deal.

[WandaRae2009]

I am not sure that I would call it depression, but I find it really hard to stay focused. I keep thinking about my next opportunity to dress. What dress I will wear, jewelry, wig, makeup style. Everything by what I should be focused on.

[abbiedrake]

I hesitate to characterise things clinicical, since I'm no clinician. But I've had my share of mental health issues so I'll say this. I would imagine not dressing could indeed lead to depression but that would more likely be characterised as gender dysphoria.

However, it's clear, Shelly, that you're not talking clinically, specifically. More just having a vent and looking for others who know what you mean. I get it. Many, if not most, here do.

Let me put it another way. Elsewhere I've written of how CDing potentially saved my life. I was diagnosed with ridiculously high blood pressure but was still drinking like the proverbial. Then, 8 months after my diagnosis. I quit. Overnight. Why? How? Well, a few days before was when I adopted the name Abigail. And it's my contention that the self-acceptance that signalled assuaged whatever had caused me to drink so deleteriously.

I'm currently on hiatus from dressing due to my wife battling cancer, but of course I think about it, and it does get me down to not be able to dress right now. But I temper that with small, femme touches.

There are many triggers to crises in my mental health but through even small acts my gender-nonconformity isn't one of them.

Here's hoping Shelly and Abbie (and all the other ladies who are currently trapped) get their days in the sun soon.

[CynthiaD]

I don’t know if not dressing depresses me, but it definitely changes my personality. It’s sort of like having a mild headache that never goes away. At first, I can ignore it and just function normally. But after a couple of days I get grumpy and irritable. After about a week this gets so bad that I end up not liking myself very much. It’s such a relief when I can get back to my normal feminine self.

[jacques]

hello Shelly,
not getting what we desire can make us feel very unhappy and stressed.
luv J

[Michelle43]

I'm definitely happier and feel relief when I can dress, unfortunately I can't dress up much since I don't live alone. I also do the same thing, I spend hours online at work via my phone looking and wishing I could dress and putting things in my cart but never actually purchasing them. So dressing is a stress reliever for me.

[mbmeen12]

I do get grumpy-ish....There is definitely a natural high for me dressing....

[Janice An]

Don't know about depression but I sure know when its pass due !!

[JuliaGirl]

I find myself, after 26 years of a great marriage, and dressing for nearly 45 years, feeling definitely frustrated and a bit more cranky that my fears of my SO mocking or rejecting my needs are too much for me to think about to "have the talk" (deeply closeted), yet at the same time I'm finding as I get older I want to dress more frequently to express the female side of me.

I've been the most honest soul all my life and here I am at that crossroad. I'm also more open about my dressing in places like this (yay!) and some social platforms I frequent, even finally snapping pics of myself (yay!) to try to be more bold with who I am.

Hmmmm. Not sure what the right answer is (= even more internal stress).

:daydreaming: