Dressed for therapy

[Nicole Bernard]

I'd posted a few weeks ago about a virtual therapy session and was conflicted about whether I should dress or not.

The discussion turned more toward my relationship with my wife and my decision not to inform her of my desire to dress.

I assure everyone that I'm well aware that this decision is not the best decision. I can't keep this hidden for the rest of my life and expect everything to be ok.

As for my appointment, I did email my therapist beforehand to make sure she was ok with it.

I also wanted her to know that I wasn't expecting her to provide feedback on my appearance. That I wanted this to be one of our usual sessions.

She's a fantastic therapist! She's helped me understand myself in ways I've never thought of.

I was so nervous. I paced around the house for 20 minutes. I sat in the livingroom at first.

I could test the virtual system and see my image on the screen while doing so. Where and how I was sitting made me look like I had a double chin. So I moved to the dinning room at the last minute.

I'd been imagining how it would go for weeks. I thought I would have to "accept" her into the session. Like accepting a call. I could choose to reject it too.

I was in the virtual system, waiting for her. Then all of a sudden, there she was!

I'm glad it happened that way. It took away a lot of anxiety.

The session went great! We talked about several topics. Crossdressing, my depression, my relationship with my wife and daughter, my overall mood, and many positive topics.

She did give me some feedback and said my wig and makeup looked good. I said I never want to look like a drag queen but like an average everyday woman.

Like many of us on this site, I hope to find support and understanding. I know that support can come in many forms.

I don't need to be told what to do. I do need people to tell me I have enough strength to do it though.

Thank you for understanding and being a safe place where we can share our stories.

Love you all!

[Jenny22]

Nicole, you can get only so much strength from others. Yours has to come from within you. We sisters may help you find it (they did for me), but to do that maybe you can give some more info about yourself: age? retired? etc..

[Allison Chaynes]

Glad to hear you got a good one. I remember the first time I went dressed... I didn't go all out, basically a dude in a skirt, blouse and flats. I was more nervous about how people in the lobby would react than I was about the therapist. Luckily no one was there other than the receptionist. I felt so relieved I didn't change back into dude mode afterwards as I had planned.

[Nicole Bernard]

Hi Jenny,
I'm in my mid-forties. Married. Working. We have a teenage daughter.

My wife knew about it when we first started dating, but wanted me to stop.

She's supportive of the LGBT community, but has said to me that if I started doing it again that our marriage would be over.

It's likely I'm going to have to address this someday. I just don't know when.

[Stephanie47]

I read you're not soliciting advice. Any advice you get on the forum is worth exactly what you paid for it. I think therapy is a good idea for your situation. Decades ago my wife and I had "The Talk." She did tell me, if she had known I was a cross dresser she would not have married me. She also had told me some details of her sordid past which I had not asked about. She said she regretted telling me those past experiences because it would have made it easy for her to just walk out. Talk about being two-faced. She came to realize my cross dressing had nothing to do with her. I think she finally realized this was a little quirk I had. It was not as if we had not explored some fetish dressing in the bedroom. It was not until we realized there was more to all this than just being a little kinky. My wife is a school teacher. She is an intelligent woman. A little education can go along way. Also, not dragging her into my "world" helped. We've been married almost fifty years. We had "The Talk" about twelve years into our marriage.

I think my wife weighed the scales of marriage and decided my little quirk was outweighed by all my other attributes. I hope your therapist can give you some guidance on how to bring this issue out of the closet. The only advice I can give to anyone is to not try to get a spouse to abandon his or her moral code. None of that "if you truly love me, you'd ________."

[abbiedrake]

I think Jenny hit the nail on the head, Nicole. The strength really has to come from within. That you've sought professional help and are able to share with us here points to that strength.
if there's anything my time on Earth has taught me it's that us humans are capable of enduring far more than we ever thought possible.

[ChubbyLeahCD]

I see a therapist in person and she lets me dress. She leaves the room for me to change, I open the door when I’m done and she comes in.

[Micki_Finn]

Glad you had a great session. And don’t worry, nobody accidentally looks like a drag queen. It takes a lot of time, talent, and hard work to achieve what they do.

[Tahoegurl]

Nicole, I am happy for you that your session went well. Therapy has been very beneficial for me in understanding what makes me tick. This has helped me to better relate to others.

[Teresa]

Nicole,
Dressing to meet your therapist either virtual or in reality shouldn't be a problem , I can't understand why so many worry about it , if they are offended then perhaps they shouldn't be doing that job .

I'm glad it went well and you feel you are moving forward .

[Nicole Bernard]

It will be another month until my next appointment, which will be face-to-face.
I won't be dressing up for that one.

I keep playing my session over and over, in my head. It was such a wonderful experience to be open with someone.

Like I'd said before, she's a fantastic therapist. She's so accepting and open minded.

My life and mental health have improved so much since I started working with her.

[Rhandi Spencer]

Nicole,
I can understand the nerves of presenting to the therapist. My first visit to therapist was in drab. Multiple after that were in femme.
It is a safe place for me to dress and that makes me happy.

Good luck

[Teresa]

Nicole,
I'm sure she would let you dress if you asked , she would probably allow you to change on her premises if she felt it helped your situation .

None of my counsellors had a problem if I chose to .

[Cheshire girl]

If I were attending the premises of a therapist I would go dressed. I have never had any adverse reaction to my appearance. I would go dressed in sensible length dress and low heels. A therapist might object if someone went looking like a drag queen! Hope you get the therapy you are looking for. Xx