Advice on what to do

[Sometimes Steffi]

There was a Dressbarn that I used to shop at a lot, sometimes in male mode, and other times en femme. Eventually that Dressbarn closed.

Several months ago, I was in a different Dressbarn just checking to see if there was anything cute on the sale racks. The manager there recognized me from the store that had closed. We talked a little about the old store and the people who used to work there.

I don't know who brought it up, me or her, but we started a conversation on Steffi working at Dressbarn en femme. She seemed to approve of that idea, and said I could be a greeter, but I wasn't sure if she was for real or just pulling my leg.

I've been out of work now for 5 months and I have plenty of time to spare, so I contacted her to see if to see if I could be an unpaid intern. She called me back and said I would have to be an employee due to insurance issues, but that I could just apply on the corporate web site. I actually looked at the jobs available at her store, and there were no openings listed. I called her and told her that, and she said that she would look into it. After about 3 weeks, the assistant manager called me back and told me that the job openings had been posted.

On their website it states:

It is our policy in all employment decisions to ensure that all associates and potential associates are evaluated on the basis of qualifications and ability without regard to sex (including pregnancy), race, color, national origin, religion, age, disability that can reasonably be accommodated without undue hardship, genetic information, military status, sexual orientation, gender identity, or any other protected classification under applicable law.

Do you think I should go for it? If so, how do I sell this to a DADT wife.

[Maid_Marion]

If you still have a strong back I'm sure that they could use you to help move stuff around as needed. And being a crossdresser would be a plus because you would know your way around the store.

Go for it!

[Allisa]

I'd do it. As far as the SO I couldn't say. Did give me an idea for a part time job since I retired I need something to do but not mess up my S.S.I.

[Stephanie47]

Yes, especially since you brought the subject up in the first place. Maybe, she went out of her way to make sure there would be jobs. And, the store called you to let you know. I had checked the corporate policy for Dressbarn and others in that corporate entity and all have the policy you transcribed.

As far as telling your wife....that may be a different labor relations issue. Generous employee/family discount??

[Kelly DeWinter]

I would think that ANY job is better than no job, especially when you want to work. I would apply, talk to your spouse, and go for it. Work is work, I'd be proud of you.

[Mary Lawrence]

This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but please check the status of your particular Dress Barn store. The parent company has announced (https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2019/05/20/dressbarn-closing-all-stores/3747205002/) the closing of all 650 stores, unfortunately. Apparently, they are not all closing at once. Yours may have a reprieve.

[Crissy 107]

I absolutely think you should go for it, you would be perfect there and like Marion said they could use you moving things around.
I like Kelly’s idea on how to do this. Please let us know how you do and of course we are all wishing you the best.

[mykell]

well it sounds like the perfect opportunity, make money "check", get a discount "check", educate folks "check", someplace to go dressed "check", DADT MRS. mmmmmm, start work in drab and have the conversation with your wife that they said it was OK for you to work dressed, as far as the store closing, is it worth the trouble it may cause for a temporary gig.

charlotte russe is back in our mall in the same location....so its your call....

[kimdl93]

Apply and tell your wife. I presume that extra income will be worthwhile to her

[GaleWarning]

There is nothing more debilitating than being unemployed. I know this.
Go for it. Explain to your wife that it will be an ego booster if you get the job.
She will probably be more aware than you, of the way unemployment is weighing the two of you down.
Good luck.

[Bobbi46]

Go for it income and an easing of finances in the home not forgeting the boost in your self esteem, if I were you O would not sit around waiting as you say the job has been posted on the company website get in before the rush starts. If you do not get the job then at least you tried your best and you would not have the thought rattling around in your head after "I wish I had applied earlier"

[char GG]

Work is work no matter how you are dressed.

I realize that you want to dress en femme and the store manager is encouraging dressing like a woman, but if your wife is totally against it, maybe you could start out working in male mode. It sounds like the store manager wants YOU, not what you are wearing.

Personally, if I was out of work and needed a job, I would wear whatever covered my body at that point. Obviously the decision is totally up to you.

[GretchenM]

Go for it. They called you because you expressed an interest to the manager and she is giving you the opportunity. It may be short term, but it is more experience in a new line of work - something to add to your resume. The wife may not be thrilled but if she has a problem with you being unemployed then that is a relief for her even if it is not what she would prefer you do. Not many negatives that I can see.

[Aunt Kelly]

A potential employer, who had made overtures such as you describe is that you should seriously consider. That said, going to work every day, en femme, will be an issue at home. Work that out before accepting any offer.

[Ressie]

Agree with Aunt Kelly. Without the wife's approval it doesn't sound feasible.

[NancyJ]

Steffi, I’m a little confused by the timing of this. DressBarn has announced closing all 500 retail locations by the end of 2019. The one closest me has already closed following their “Going Out of Business” sale. Was she leading you on??? Nancy

[alwayshave]

Steffi, Is your wife going to accept you working at Dressbarn? If I remember correctly she is rather negative on your dressing.

[CarlaWestin]

Well, a job is a job. No reason why a stockroom clerk at Dress Barn can't be in male mode. I think the only temptation is spending too much on clothes.
Working in fem sounds fabulous. But, doing direct customer service might not be the best idea. Although there is corporate policy, there is still a real world impression.
Maybe CD at work occasionally and in a more clandestine capacity.

[Joyce Swindell]

In Florida the Dress Barn closed stores but reopened them under another name. Our group goes to them on occasion after meetings with special arrangements after the normal store hours. So there may be a possibility of them keeping their location. Besides so what if it is short lived? It would be an awesome experience. Maybe answer some questions about yourself and your fem/male sides.

As far as your wife....the fact that it's a DADT says she knows so I would have a conversation with her if you're work schedule entails her being home while you are getting ready for work. Otherwise an " I got a job " should bring the conversation up and let her ask the questions. If there are benefits as well as a discount it may play in your favor.
Obviously I would go for it if I were you.

[Crissy 107]

I have a friend who worked at VS before she transitioned. They told her she had to dress like all the other girls, she was in 7th Heaven.

[Meghan4now]

Steff, this kind of sucks.

Mykell's suggestion is the closest to workable, but based on your previous posts about your marital situation, I would think the probability of disastrous discord is high. What sucks is that I would so want to take that job. It is sad that you've gotten this far in lining it up, just to not follow through. But remember your loyalty is to your wife before promises to the store manager.

[Micki_Finn]

Well, Dress Barn is in process of closing all their locations, so if you don’t mind being out of a job in a few months to a year, then go for it. I’m kinda surprised they’re hiring to be honest.

[Robertacd]

When stores close they often ramp up staff because the going out of business sales can get very busy.

You will have to ask your DADT wife what's more important, a job or you not dressing.

[susan54]

In addition to the points already listed, your employment details will have to be in your real name with tax references so that the store is operating legally. You might be able to arrange being employed as a man and changing to female presentation at work.

[Aunt Kelly]

You will have to ask your DADT wife what's more important, a job or you not dressing.
...or the employee discount Stef will have access to.

[BTWimRobin]

I say go for it. Like others said work is work. Just remember at the end of the pay period they give you a check and not a bill. After all you might be buying lots of things :heehee:

[Allison Chaynes]

Ascena owns Dressbarn, along with Lane Bryant, Catherine's and Maurice's. I worked at a LB for a couple months in 2013 (and also VF Outlet for 2 years, on a sort of related note). You won't have a problem with being allowed to work as Steffi, just know that customers aren't subject to the same corporate policies and you must be professional at all times however you present.

I did not, ever, present any semblance of Allison in any retail job, but I had two coworkers I trusted that knew.

[Sherrii]

Even if they close after a while it could still be a fun experience and you can make a few $$. Just work it out with your wife first. And no matter what happens be professional at all times. No exceptions. Have fun!! Sherrii

[Teresa]

Steffi,
It's a lovely opportunity but if you are in a stable marriage I would think twice . Being accepted as a TG employee is wonderful but not at the possible expense of your marriage .

If there was an opening in the back room that might be OK but then I don't think this is your main objective , unless it's a need to bring in some extra income .

[Angie G]

Do it you could dress at the store so your wife would not have to see it. :hugs:
Angie

[Krea]

Steffi,
It sounds like an amazing opportunity and i know that any job at all is tempting when you have been out of work for a time, but as Meghan pointed out it's important that your wife is ok with this otherwise it could be disastrous. I guess it depends on how her feelings about your CDing balance against the opportunity for you to make a good wage. :idontknow:

[Sometimes Steffi]

I submitted an application today.

I have not yet discussed this with my wife. As someone said, it is a "labor relations issue".

I don't see that I should discuss the labor relations issue with my wife, at least until I get asked to come in for an interview.

I am an engineer by training and vocation, and have no relevant fashion or customer-facing experience. If I weren't a CD, I wouldn't know that a pump was a type of shoe, not an electromechanical device for moving a fluid from one place to another.

Anyhow, wish me luck on the job application process, and ask a higher power to help me resolve the labor relations issue if it comes to that.

I'll keep you posted.

[suzanne]

I lkked Dress Barn and I have bought a few nice things from them. What has kept me from buying more is that they are a two hour drive from my home. It's a tragedy that they are shutting down, and it's just one example of many.

Who's killing it? Us, through online shopping. How many of us have said "I work too hard for my money to throw it away on high prices"? Well, those higher prices are putting food on someone else's table as well as making available to you and me the expert eye and opinion of the SAs. You actually get VERY good value for those extra few dollars, especially if it prevents you buying that so-so dress that doesn't quite fit right and ends up never getting worn. It happens all the time.

But I know I'm fighting a losing battle.

[Crissy 107]

Steffi, Good luck with all aspects of this, I know you are going to do great!
suzanne, You make some very good points!

[Bobbi46]

Steffi, Off hand I would think you had a pretty good chance of getting the job from what you have told us, good luck!!

[Sometimes Steffi]

Today, I got a request to apply for a similar sales opening at the Lane Bryant a couple of stores up from Dressbarn. Maybe double my chances? The downside of Lane Bryant is that I'm too small to wear women's sizes.

[Stephanie47]

Lane Bryant and Dressbarn are stores in the Ascena Retail Group which also includes Ann Taylor, Catherine's, LOFT, Justice, Cacique and Lou & Grey. Your application may be routed to more stores. I'd bet there is an employee discount within the corporate group of stores.

[Crissy 107]

Your application may be routed to more stores. I'd bet there is an employee discount within the corporate group of stores.
That would be a wonderful perk!

[Allison Chaynes]

Lane Bryant and Dressbarn are stores in the Ascena Retail Group which also includes Ann Taylor, Catherine's, LOFT, Justice, Cacique and Lou & Grey. Your application may be routed to more stores. I'd bet there is an employee discount within the corporate group of stores.


There is. I forget how much, but there is.

[abbiedrake]

I don't know enough about how fraught your marriage is, Steffi, but I take it as implicit in DADT that if you're dressed and she doesn't know what's the harm?

Extra income is a thing. And the experience alone, even if temporary should be grasped with both hands, IMHO.

Your wife does come first. But it sounds like she's made her position clear. Sounds like there might be wriggle room.

[Joyce Swindell]

The conversation here has reminded me of my college days. I worked in the Out Mail department of Lane Bryant briefly. It was a great job really. But being young I felt I needed to follow the vocation that I was in college for and took a position elsewhere. Hindsight being 20/20 and had I only known....who knows how different life would have been.