Should you tell before marriage?

[Aileen]

I'm not planning on getting married ever, but just as a general rule, should you tell your fiance before getting married?

[Julie Avery]

That's a no-brainer. Yes.

In the internet era, the globe is your range of prospective partners, and you know from browsing that you're not one of a kind.

Now did I take my own advice? No. But a wiser person than me would take it.

[Kayla Smith]

In my opinion, I would say yes to telling her before marriage. I think that telling her would avoid alot of problems in the years to come within the relationship.

[Wenda]

Absolutely. If she doesnt accept it, it is better to know before than later. My dressing was largely dormant during my marriage (33 years), but, once re-awakened, there is no way to supress it. I immediately told my gf, who was pretty nervous about it at first, but, when we went on a long-weekend getaway out of town, and Wenda showed up, and they went shopping together, she found a new friend. You just cant have a strong relationship while trying to keep something like dressing a secret. Think about it, of all the things you could be hiding, like axe murderer, kidnapper, rapist, terrorist, etc, etc., crossdressing is pretty benign.
Besides, my gf has come to believe that it is better for me to have an affair with Wenda than some strange woman.

[Krystenw]

That is a definate YES. I told my wife before we were married and I have been married for 32 years. I have only known personally one other family that had the same "problem" that we have. They ultamately got divorced. When she was talking t my wife about it she kept wondering that if he lied to me by not telling me about this befor we got married, then what has he lied to me about since.

[Aileen]

Don't you get worried about your wife letting others know the secret?

[Cherry Lynn]

By all means tell your fiance. It will prevent possible problems in the future and if she is OK with it think of all the fun from the beginning. If I had told my wife before we married I could have had a lot of fun I missed out on when I was younger. Hindsight is always better than foresight.

[Cherry Lynn]

Don't you get worried about your wife letting others know the secret?
A marriage is built on trust so I trust mine to keep the secret, however mine wants it kept secret more than me.

[Shelly Preston]

I think you should tell her before you get married and make sure its not just a few weeks before.

there are now a lot of resources available to explain you dressing
In the past it was not so easy

better to face the problem before you get married

[bbybluestang]

Hi

When I just started dating my wife I told her that was a male to female crossdreser and then she started to ask all the types of questions, and that was 6 years ago(married for 1.5 years) and now she want to wear my clothes, which we are about the same size expect for shoes.

I say you should tell her becuase if you don't you might have bigger headaches down the road.

Clorissa

[Janelle Young]

I say tell her soon after meeting her. Not on the first date, but with in the first few. If she is OK with it great. If she freaks out and dumps you, find another one. That is my plan anyway, now if I could just find one.

[Joy Carter]

From expierience god yes ,I told her weeks after and she got over it but has never acceppted it.

[GypsyKaren]

I wish I had told my wife from the get go, I now realize what a mistake I made by trying to keep the big secret from her. When you love someone, that means trust too, and you have to go all the way with that, you can't edit what you want to share.

Karen

[Daphne Jane]

I know I told my wife when we were dating she was open to the idea now she loves it and well I am going full time she was kinda worried about what others would think I offered her a way out with divorce but she said no marriage is forever so this is where I am in my life we have an honest marriage with full trust to last forever

[Sally24]

I would say absolutely! I told my wife-to-be shortly after we moved in together in the 70's. She had a few questions but no real problems with it. Now that the children are grown we have started going shopping together as girlfriends and have taken a few long weekends to boston. It was the best choice I could have made!

[Tiffy]

100% HELL YEAH !!!!!!!!!!! If you do not tell her before it just makes it harder to tell her later. And I think harder for her to understand, because she does not understand why you did not tell her before.

0.02
Kisses, April Marie

[Dana]

In a relationship (ideally in all relationships ~ but most certainly with a future spouse) one should be completely honest and open in all aspects of their life and total being ~ there isn't any room for anything less. This is not the place for anything BUT the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth!

I guess its my background, but I'm a big propoent of "anticipating" things that might happen to you and in your life, and situational analysis, along with a firm beliver in Murph's law, one of which goes hand in hand with what I just said, that is to say, "if you plan for five KNOWN contingencies, a sixth one ~ hence unforseen will promplty develop.

With that said, we as crossdressers should engineer our lives around that simple fact, and prepare accordainly. In both our personal and professional lives.

[Joy Carter]

I got the statement from her "I wish you haden't told me" So I have been out there for along time not being able to get on with my life. Would love for her to get into the GG part of the forum but she's death on the subject. Pretty amazing for someone who is loving and for the most part open. Love her to death!

[Cheery GG]

I cant even believe that question is being asked...!!!!!!

cheery
xx

[Helen MC]

DEFINITELY! I told my ex-wife who was quite at ease about it. A couple of previous GFs too. One didn't like it so we went our separate ways as the relationship would never have worked as a result of her disapproval and both of us would have been unhappy.

[Adele]

Tell her now!

I didn't tell her and when I did she felt gutted that I hadn't TRUSTED her.

I'm lucky that things have worked out OK but there would be nothing worse for you than to lie to her. If she is the one for you then share all your secrets with her.

[LaSirenaBella]

I'm not planning on getting married ever, but just as a general rule, should you tell your fiance before getting married?

Absolutely.

[HaleyPink2000]

Just a slight story.

What if the GF leaves you and flushes your engagement ring down the toilet. You think She will tell your Buds about your CDing? Oh Yeah!

Did not happen to me. But I'm sure there are people out there that it has.

Oh and have you ever read My Husband Betty? In there it talks about how Women can't keep secrets. That it's just not how they are made up. BTW page 59.

[christine55]

I cant even believe that question is being asked...!!!!!!

cheery
xx
With all the posts on this site about the problems people are having with their unaccepting spouses it amazes me that there would be any question.
I am glad that during my younger, stupider, days such a marriage did not happen to me. It very easily could have, my thought being that being married would quell the urge to crossdress. By being open in the beginning you would greatly increase the chances of finding a very accepting spouse and would avoid much misery to both parties later on.
Hugs, Christine

[carol ann]

If you don't tell before, I would cetainly advise against telling after - ever.

[Anita Mae GG]

YES, YES oh yeah did I mention YES!!!!!!!!!

:rolleyes: :bonk: :bonk: :bonk: DUH!!!!!!!

[Noel Chimes]

Well ask yourself, how would you feel if you found out that your "bride" had more under her dress than you do?:eek:

[annekathleen]

You either gotta tell her, or give it up.
Or else you got some explaining to do later on!

[Marla GG]

I cant even believe that question is being asked...!!!!!!

cheery
xx

Cheery, you took the words right out of my mouth.

Unless of course you want a marriage based on mistrust, deceit, and the ever-present fear of discovery? Anybody? No? Let's move on then, shall we? :D

[BethGG]

Just a slight story.

What if the GF leaves you and flushes your engagement ring down the toilet. You think She will tell your Buds about your CDing? Oh Yeah!

Did not happen to me. But I'm sure there are people out there that it has.

Oh and have you ever read My Husband Betty? In there it talks about how Women can't keep secrets. That it's just not how they are made up. BTW page 59.
Let me ask you this, what's better- your girlfriend flushes the ring down the toilet and leaves you, or you stay married and for 30 years keep this big part of you a huge secret from the one you love, never knowing if she will leave you for it, and then finally telling her and having her want a divorce? May as well have skipped BOTH thos scenarios and just told her within the first few weeks of dating!!

[sharifemme]

You should tell her early in your relationship. I didn't and I sure am sorry that I didn't. I thought marriage would "cure" me but, of course, it didn't. My wife did not deserve to hear after 30 some years of marriage. Of course, if I had told her early, I'd probably not be married to her now.

Sharifemme

[Charlene Marie]

YES YES YES YES. It will make everything so much better for the both of you.

[Rachel Morley]

Marriage is a serious thing.......you should tell her, it's all about trust.

[AussieRhonda]

Yes Definately, imagime her feelings when she eventually finds the real you.Also the hurt of "your betrayal", as said before"if he lied about this,what else has he lied about?! I told my partner and at first I was more aprehensive than her she now buys some of my clothing if she sees an article I like. So DO IT

[Nita]

Yes,if you respect yourself. And if you respect yourself, then you Must respect your Lover. Otherwise, it is a Lose - Lose situation.Make it a Win-Win situation. But Do Not Lie....you can not win that way.If they can not accept you as you are...then you are better off walking away.Do Not Lie.

[Toni]

I would say yes you must tell her. I've been married for 40yrs and I didn't tell my wife and to cut a long story short she caught me wearing her bra, girdle and nylons. Everything turned out o/k with no hassle but I was the exeption not the rule. The only thing I can say in my defence is that in 1966 you didn't tell anyone.

[Seven]

Truth is Love
If you love her, be truthful each and everyday.
You can not build a life on un truths
All my Love Seven

[Sarah Coleman]

Like, I can't believe anyone would ask this question. You should, like, SO tell her, because marriages are built on trust.

[Christina Nicole]

The "textbook" answer is that you should tell her. Otherwise, you indicate a lack of trust. But I'd caution you to first know, or at least have a good idea of what her reaction will be to the revelation. She might accept it, tolerate it, or question it. She might also be terrified by it. Call off the wedding, and tell everyone that that she "can't marry a cross dressing freak." Not so good. Sorry, I've seen too many couples, those who were dating, engaged, or married, viciously turn on each other over seemingly trivial things. I have also seen weddings called off, as late as the day of the ceremony for reasons that add up to no more than “just because.”

Ronald Reagan once said, regarding the Russians "Trust, but verify." Good advice that I would borrow and paraphrase as "Trust, but protect yourself, too." Try and feel out her feelings on crossdressing. Maybe by seeing a movie where a character is a crossdresser and ask "What do you think of that?" If she reacts as if you just handed her a scorpion, take some time to think.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole.

[robyn1114]

absolutely

[nezy]

I'm not planning on getting married ever, but just as a general rule, should you tell your fiance before getting married?
well i feel that now a days it would be good to tell her...maybe way back when it wouldnt have been....hmmmmmmm:D

[InHerShoes]

Yes.

[Wendy me]

if i had it to do over yes i would ....most def... i would have....

[Melora]

Hello All,
Glad this subject came up as I am new here. I most defenately am not a full time CD, as TIME is what I have a lack of, nor would thae town I live in EVER accept me..this I am sure about. I have been married about 9 years and god I wish I had told her before we tied the knot. The main reason I do not tell her now?= I AM afraid of losing her, because I believe that she does trust me. Maybe she shouldnt trust me after all this time. This COULD be a HUGE blow to an otherwise great relationship, If I tell her.
On the other hand I have concidered spilling this out to her, AND I think that I may have been caught around 5 years ago, but still as yet do not know for sure. Any advice from others about my situation would be much appreciated.
To feel more freedom would be a blessing.
Huggs!

[joannejoanne]

Definately YES. I have been crossdressing for 35 years now and have been married for 32 of them. I told my wife on our second date and despite the initial tears she fully accepted and supported my desire. I say desire because i have never looked upon it as a fetish or anything else.

[Eric/a]

I'm sure I'll tell her if I ever date somebody seriously enough to think we might get married, but I don't think I'll ever get to that. I shy away from getting too serious, probably out of fear of being discovered.

[Bernice]

I think that if you have the capacity to reason, then you simply have to tell her, before you marry her.

Marriage is about trust. Trust is built on truth. Truth forbids ommissions of this magnitude.

Better to find out now that she is not the one for you, than to have children later, when your entire life implodes. If she reacts badly now, you cut your losses and move on. If you wait, your "investment" is much greater, i.e. you have so much more to lose.

The only excusable secretive behavior is to not spring this on her during your first few encounters. Let her create enough investment in you that she will actually listen to you when you offer to explain.

Easy for me to say... I told my girlfriend 15 months before we married, and that was a few decades ago. I might dread having to do it all over again.

Do it!

Hugs,

Bernice

[Seven]

Let look at it this way, My Avatar is what I wish I was born, and if I did not write (Photo not of me) my sisters would then think that it is me.

Once anyone starts with that miss understanding, and you go along that line, you are only fooling yourself. If I love my sisters I must be truthful and always be clean to myself and them.

It's the fear of loss, will that person go from me once I tell them ?, is it best right from the start, or just go on fooling yourself and one day the pain will come.

My Love Seven XXXXXXXXXX

[Delila]

It is very important to tell them. I told my wife before we got married all the usual questions came up (do you want to be a woman are you gay) but since it was early in the relationship we were able to discuss it and come to terms now she is fully supportive.

[anne16]

I'm not planning on getting married ever, but just as a general rule, should you tell your fiance before getting married?
Hi Aileen yes i did and luckly for me she was very understanding.
anne.

[anne16]

Yes i told my wife about my girl side, luckly for me she has accepted it.
Anne.

[cd sub Rachel]

I think you should as you could pay in the long in cash and your mind.
i told my wife before we got marride. But im one of the lucky ones as she is cool with it. and dont mind seeing e dressed up.

[ChrissyGG]

YES! Definately tell her within a few dates. The person deserves to know the truth and make desicion for him/her self if it is something that the person can deal with. I believe that relationship should be based on honesty. At the same time if i found out in the begginnig me and my Boyfriend might not be together because i freaked out big time when i found out due to lack of knowledge and associating crossdressing with being gay.

[Nastasha]

Yes. I told my wife after we were engaged, it's a part of who you are.

Better she know the whole package up front

[jessicaparrot]

If you plan to marry someone you must be completly honest with them.

[Kimberly]

in a word: yes.

[carend_99]

ABSOLUTELY Tell her. I am happily married, and my wife is tolerant, but it is the biggest "strain" on our marriage because I didn't tell her before we got married. If I were to do it all over again, it is the only thing I would change about our courtship.

[VtVicky]

Yes, you must tell her for all the reasons already stated.

But, telling her, and her accepting it, does not absolutely predict a successful marriage. There is a lot more to it. The crossdressing is a major concern to us. So major, sometimes, that it overshadows other potential relationship killers. Those of us who have CDing as part of our lives, some times think that having that part of us accepted, means that we are totaly accepted. NOT!!!

There are lots of other things that could annoy our SO's besides crossdressing. And just because someone tolerates our CDing does not automatically make her "Miss Right" for us, either.

We have a saying in the military: "It is hard to remember that your original intent was to drain the swamp when you are up to your ass in alligators".

In other words you need to look at all the implications of your actions, not just the immediate goals.

[HaleyPink2000]

This is a little long, sorry but you wanted a reply!


Lets get up front with this touchie feelie subject.

Women will rat you out in a heart beat to their friends if you even get them a little pissy at ya. " My Husband Betty Book page 59". Where it talks about Women not being able to keep secrets. Oh, and a Woman wrote the book BTW.

They will take every dime you have in the bank and leave you dry and with no place to live.

Gawd the list goes on and on!

Where is that fair?

Ok so if I tell or not it's not going to make a Darn bit of diffrence.

She could still rake me over the coals later in a marriage for doing this.
Make fun of me infront of my friends and family, actually ruin me.

Why? Because She can.

So? What the Heck does any of that matter if I tell Her before or after?
Like my Wife of 25 years tells me " Your going to Hell"! She believes it to. When the day comes She really wants to make that the Issue, I'm screwd blue. I'll tell ya big time. But it really won't be because of the CDing. It will really be other reasons. They use any Hook they can.

So, now I'm 55, retired, expected to be a go along type person. Put me in a basement and feed me horse crap like a mushroom.

Have to tell ya, that ain't happening anymore. I've had it, I'll tell ya that.

Oh and the Question was " should we tell "? Hey guy get real " it don't matter either way".
Oh and the Women say " He did this and that". Well Honey, you took the house the car keys, the bank account, the savings, left me with no home, and penyless. You were the one that found another person. After I worked 3 jobs to support you and the kids for 12 years. Oh and still was in love with her deeply. Oh, and did I mention She never did work a Day in Her Life away from home.

So Who the heck cares if you tell them before or after. It ain't going to matter anyway. If they want to make that the issue, it's really not , it's something else anyway. Not really the CDing. They really could care for the most part I believe. I think it's that now they have a hook they can use when they want to get you. I got that " Sucker". Yeah I was.

So I'm on my last marriage, ever! This 25 years has not been easy and my problem is I love Her with all my heart. But believe me, never again will I go through a divorce. I won't sign the papers ever. Leave the State what ever. Thats my Hook in them. Last time I stayed for one reason. MY KIDS! I missed my Kids badly. Got to see them every two weeks for a weekend if She did not trump up some story. The " B ". Sorry to bring up my laundry here.

But this subject is wearing it self thin with me. In my life it did not matter either way!

Lets move this thred to the bone pile. I'm tired of hearing this touchie feelie garbage. Listen close.
Put your pen to paper, write this 500 times.
" It don't matter"!

Just got off the phone with My Daughter, and She agrees. It's not the CDing. She stated that it would not matter to Her before or after. That if She wants to be crule and use a family secret on Her Husband to get something, She could.

[joannejoanne]

Most definately Yes. I told my wife 3 days into our courtship and that was 35 years ago of them 32 we have been wedlocked and still has happy.

[Dizzy GG]

Haley,

I was really saddened to read your tirade against women!

Any relationships can go wrong when they are not based on mutual trust and respect.
But I must defend my sex. There are many more women who are loyal, loving caring partners, friends and mums.Just as there are men (crossdressers or not!) who treat their wives with equal respect and care.

When my marriage was going badly wrong I had a short time of thinking men are b****** but it was a skewed view brought on by hurt and fear and I'm glad that I didn't remain in that place. Fortunately the reality is very different.

My partner trusts me as I trust him and we wouldn't dream of betraying that trust.

Yes, you should tell and start with honesty and trust.

[HaleyPink2000]

Just a word Hun!

I had a really bad divorce 26 1/2 years ago. I've been deeply in love with this woman I have now for 25 years. I'd not trade that for anything. But believe me I'm not saying there is a stereo type in women. I am saying that I will always be looking over my back from now on. I'd expect everyone to do the same. It's easy for Women to take everything a Man has, even His heart. I wanted to die when She did leave me for someone else. I even tried to do myself in. But that said.

You can't go through what I did and not have these feeling the rest of your life. It's just human.

Never would I not be kind , considerate etc to Women. I'm not built in a way to be bad to people. But I am now a little smarter than I was in the way people can take you. I'm an easy target Hun. Even today! If my Wife wanted to set me out and do me like the first one did, She could. I'd have no Idea of it till it did happen. I'm for the most part a trusting person. But I do try to be smarter than I was.

I've always been the one to figure things out after people have done things to me and sat back and did laugh about what they did to me. I was raised in a old time family and not street wise. But After finding out about my first Wife from one of Her friends of what was going on and had been going on for over a year and a half while still married to em. Gawd, I hit the roof and had no Idea of what to do. So I asked Her about it and of coarse I believed Her. The next weekend I was to go fishing with friends. She cleaned out the house and and and. You know the story. It's an old one that has happend a million times.

But that said. I love Women, I'm just a little more wise of what can happen now days.
__________________
Haley P. Kemp

[Kitty Sue]

I would think yes.

If the relationship ends and she goes out and tells the whole world then I will deal with it then. I have had this happen before and it did not really matter.

1. We moved in different circles and so we had different friends.
2. When she told everyone I was I said yes it is true I am. Besides that many of my friends already know I enjoy sex with men just as much as women.
3. She was not lying so when she tried to bust me out in front of her family I just said yes it's true. Turns out they looked at her more than me and wondered why she was trying to embarrass me.
4. Your real friends will stick with you.
5. One of the cool things was that several of my so called "Normal" friends have pulled me aside to talk about various experiences they have had in their lives. I have always found it an honor when my friends have come and shared their deepest darkest secret or fear with me. They see that I, a man who likes guys and who wares women's underwear is not going to be to judgemental when it comes to things they have experienced in their lives.

It's funny I have had a couple of friends come up to me and ask to speak with me. I can often tell right off what they are going to talk about. Sometimes I will even say before they start "Okay this is going to be about something sexual and with the same sex, right?" They give me this startled deer in the head lights look and say "How did you know? I have told nobody."

6. Even though I am in the army so there could be issues if she told them about me they would really need proof of what she were saying. I admit it could be a little humiliating but I would probably just end up denying it and saying she was just upset that I was leaving her.

[HaleyPink2000]

I trust till you get me one time then I don't trust the person any more. I watch them real close. I've tried to do that anymore in my life.

I trust my Current Wife with my everything. Have for 25 years. But there are people in my life I watch big time now because they have got me once badly.
I'm still kind to them and always talk. But I don't hang with them like people I do trust.

But as the topic asks, Should you tell?? I still feel it's best to be honest with your Wife in everything. No Secrets, None! That said I still don't feel it matters one bit if you told Her you wear purple satin under wear. Or Green lace Socks. LOL:) Just my thought on the matter.

Talk about telling read the thred link below!


Read the post from GypsyKaren. It talks about how She knew Her Wife was going to leave Her for telling about the CDing. But How the other thing did happen. Her Wife stayed by Her side and is still with Her. This is a great thing when People can love each other this much.
I love hearing stories like Karen's.

Click the link below to read about Karen.
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=27611

Watch the Movie " Normal " It's just the way it is mostly I figure. Maybe not for all, but for some.


Read this story about Tina and Her Wife. Link Below.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=27245

A quote from Gypsy Karen.
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=27514

I've found that those who loved you before will continue to do so, the rest still won't. It's a good way to find out who your true friends are.

Karen
__________________
The butterfly has left her cocoon and is free to fly.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last edited by GypsyKaren : 04-05-2006 at 07:58 PM.

" For me this includes Wives! Haley "

Oh and this thred is about Mom's, Don't they count, HUH?
==========================================
04-07-2006, 10:25 AM #1
Janet_Johnson_cd

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?p=395001#post395001

Ok Here is a link from Lady D.
Read this.

If you look around, Many tell before Marriage and many after. Simular effect many times. My point exactly. Haley"

Link Below.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=27574

[Bev06 GG]

I'm not planning on getting married ever, but just as a general rule, should you tell your fiance before getting married?
Well Aileen if you dont your condemning yourself to a life in the closet. Bit of a tricky one really because if you meet the woman of your dreams youve got to make a big decision. I suppose you never know until your at that point, and you certainly can't be sure for certain until you tell her what her reaction would be.
Recently a friend of mine found out that her boyfriend was a Cross dresser, she has always been very broadminded and has several friends in her past who were confessed crossdressers. She has always prided herself on on how accepting and how antidiscriminatory her outlook has been, UNTIL NOW that is. She is now having to look at things from the other side of the fence and isn't quite sure how she feels. We are funny us human beings aren't we?
Take care
BEVxxx

[Michellemartyn]

Hi

I got it wrong and told her after 25 years and two kids it was HELL for a long time<<<<<<<< So do it>>>> I love her to bit,s it took alot to keep her and I still don,t think she has the trust we had befor ,She now knows I have to do this and go,s out and about with me but I was wrong to do it this way.

[Wombat]

You have to tell early on - preferably within the first few dates and it's fairest on her if you tell her before you sleep together (because of the intimacy that creates). If you do not tell till later, even if it's six months later (guess how I know this time frame) and you're not even close to being married, your partner will probably feel betrayed that you couldn't trust her with this. Delaying WILL hurt your relationship. Telling early MAY hurt it, but telling is more likely to strengthen a budding relationship, especially as it displays trust.

Sure, some girls (or blokes if you're that way inclined) will tell you to go away - better a lost gf than a divorce when you get sprung down the track.

My ex-wife has delighted in telling lurid stories to anyone who'll listen and has tried to use it against me in the family court ... with remarkable lack of success. Sure, there are now people out there who think I'm some sort of freak (oh yeah, the stories have been that lurid), but all of my friends, those who knew and liked me before the seperation, still do, including those who've been told by the ex.

Interestingly, my gf was one of those friends and was told those stories. When, two years after the big bang, we finally decided to get together, she discovered that I was indeed a cross dresser. She was horrified. She'd put all the stories down to bitchiness (see, it doesn't matter if someone tells, people don't listen). However, she immediately discovered that she had a real problem with the idea and for a week there, it was all off. However, she realised that she wanted me in her life regardless of the dressing and so we worked out an 'arrangement' - she knows it's there, but doesn't want to know about it. Interestingly, she has initiated discussions about it quite often, but it's never gone beyond that and with more than 6 months under our belts as bf and gf, we seem to be doing okay.

Wombat

[HaleyPink2000]

If you sit back and think about it a bit. It's not that She was really bothered by the dressing. It was suposidly that She did not know. I have to tell you one other thing. Let one of them slip up and tell you something you did not know about an old BF or something. Hold that hook in them like they do CDing to us. You've got the idea. It's a con job many times Wives use on you and your feelings of guilt. This is them Guilt tripping you. Again why, because they are impowered by the knowing about it.

Yes My Wife knows and has known. Does She use this and other hooks when She wants something. Yes, big time. Am I now smart enough to know when it's happening, most of the time! But that said, I love Her deeply and keep NO Secrets. Does She? I don't know, prolly. Like not asking me about lending Her Brother Money and me finding out like 6 months later. Whats worse? A little wearing panties, or lending out your entire savings mostly. This given to a Guy that will never pay you back?

Ok, I'm venting, sorry. But this thred got me fired up about being real. Not being used.

Also, I handle the money now because of not knowing what was happening with our funds.

[HaleyPink2000]

Bev your to kewl! Your so correct Humans are so "Convoluted", complicated at every turn in life.

[MsJanessa]

I'm not planning on getting married ever, but just as a general rule, should you tell your fiance before getting married?
Of course but you should be ready to accept the fact that she might not be able to handle your transgenderism, x-dressing or what ever else you tell her--If she does have a negative reaction, do yourself and her a favor and end the relationship---experience has taught me that if an SO has a problem with that kind of thing, you will just end up either stifling your own urges or sneaking around behind her back---neither one of those options is appealing nor will they lead to a happy relationship. The fact is that X-dressing and/or the failure to accept it on the part of the SO(I mean really accept it, not just turn a blind eye to it and hope it goes away) is often a deal breaker---it's just as well to find that out before marriage then afterwards. I'm sure there are many Ladies on this site who have had the chance to tell there prospective mates, didn't and now wish they had. Like someone said below--this is the age of the internet and you should be able to fine the right mate who does accept your cding---keep looking.

[Sophie62]

Hi Aileen

Like you I don't know if I would ever get married. Believe me, marriage was the most important thing in my life. I wanted to have a beautiful GG and have some children with her. But, somehow things did not work out for me.

I did have a steady girfriend for seven years. I never told her that I like to become a femme once in a while. I would dress up with her clothing and wear her make up at home when she was not around. She never suspected, so I think. Our relationship was based on mutual respect and sharing and I was not affected by the fact that I did not dress as a girl all the time. One reason for this mihgt be that I am not a compulsive CD's, I do have lots of feminity that can be expressed outside of clothing or sex. So, the relationship was not affected by the fact that I did not disclose myself. We broke up for totally different reasons.

However, I am in a period of mylife that I want to be more in tune with my inner self. So, I am sure I am going to adddress the fact that aI am a hetereosexual TV who have many different femenine psychological traits.I am also in a point of my personal growth which demands to take into consideration human dignaty, therefore, respect for others people feelings and needs. This view in life implies to leave out ones selfishness. Therefore, if I will continue in my quest to discover myself and that implies that I should give more presence to Sophie and not supress her desire to manifest, and if I decided one day that I want to be married along with Sophie; therefore, it would be the noble thing to tell my future wife about my femme side before we get married.

A believe, that if that ever comes to happen the GG ,in question, should be a very "special one". What I mean with special is that maybe there are hetereosexual GG in this world with who would love to have a CD as a husband. You know someone as unique as we are. Woludn't that be wonderful to have?


Sophie:GE:

[JoannaDees]

Hmmm. This sounds like a time-bomb.

And NOT telling her early on is setting up a ticking bomb. So yes, tell her early. And do not accept "I guess it's OK, just don't tell me or show me or blah blah blah". That is not acceptable. For myself, and many I think, this is an externalization of an internal being or feeling. How can you live with somebody who wants to ignore the real you?

I empathize with Haley, but disagree that it doesn't matter. It's one of many things that matter. I will agree it doesn't matter if the marriage doesn't work for non-CDing reasons. Nothing matters, you both made a mistake.



You have to tell early on - preferably within the first few dates and it's fairest on her if you tell her before you sleep together (because of the intimacy that creates). If you do not tell till later, even if it's six months later (guess how I know this time frame) and you're not even close to being married, your partner will probably feel betrayed that you couldn't trust her with this. Delaying WILL hurt your relationship. Telling early MAY hurt it, but telling is more likely to strengthen a budding relationship, especially as it displays trust.

Sure, some girls (or blokes if you're that way inclined) will tell you to go away - better a lost gf than a divorce when you get sprung down the track.

My ex-wife has delighted in telling lurid stories to anyone who'll listen and has tried to use it against me in the family court ... with remarkable lack of success. Sure, there are now people out there who think I'm some sort of freak (oh yeah, the stories have been that lurid), but all of my friends, those who knew and liked me before the seperation, still do, including those who've been told by the ex.

Interestingly, my gf was one of those friends and was told those stories. When, two years after the big bang, we finally decided to get together, she discovered that I was indeed a cross dresser. She was horrified. She'd put all the stories down to bitchiness (see, it doesn't matter if someone tells, people don't listen). However, she immediately discovered that she had a real problem with the idea and for a week there, it was all off. However, she realised that she wanted me in her life regardless of the dressing and so we worked out an 'arrangement' - she knows it's there, but doesn't want to know about it. Interestingly, she has initiated discussions about it quite often, but it's never gone beyond that and with more than 6 months under our belts as bf and gf, we seem to be doing okay.

Wombat

[MsJanessa]

I agree with you Joanna---I told My ex-wife about My femme side shortly after we started dating----she said she was ok with it but quite frankly never really accepted it----didn't want to be around me when I dressed, didn't want to go out with me etc.----about the only thing I could do was keep my clothes in the closet without her being suprised. When we ended up getting divorced(for other reasons) she actually threatened to bring out my dressing in court if I didn't give her what she wanted for a financial settlement. That was 16 years ago---nowdays I would simply have laughed in her face but at the time I was horrified--fortunatly the demand she made was not unreasonable(I would have agreed to it anyway---she really didn't have to blackmail me). I paid alimony and property split(no kids) and in two years was free and clear. So my advice to Wombat is that if her GF doesn't or can't fully accept who she is, including the x-dressing, then leave the relationship---if you marry her I suspect it will turn out like the first marriage--better to bite the bullet now and look and find someone who actually, truely accepts your dressing---they are out there to be found.

[Wombat]

So my advice to Wombat is that if her GF doesn't or can't fully accept who she is, including the x-dressing, then leave the relationship---if you marry her I suspect it will turn out like the first marriage--better to bite the bullet now and look and find someone who actually, truely accepts your dressing---they are out there to be found.

Ahh, but my first wife, the ex-wife, WAS fully accepting. Knew about the dressing before we married ... before we met in person actually (we met through a friend) - it was her interest in my dressing that got us talking. She supported the dressing right through the marriage - only three months before the end, she gave me a dress for christmas. She was the one who organised with a local lingerie shop to have me fitted for a bra when I got my breast forms (her idea and all). She used to urge me to dress when I got down and didn't. We were as active as we were in the local support group because of her (though I was a member before we met). Hell, we even had an active sex life with me dressed (and without):happy: . The dressing was never an issue.

On a similar vein - I'm a writer. A perfectly acceptable occupation (if you don't expect to live off the proceeds). Again, I was writing full time before we met, stayed at home to raise the kids and continued to write through the marriage, and continue to do so today. The ex was fully supportive of that to the point of refusing to let me go looking for a 'real' job during a period when I started to lose faith. Yet, surprise surprise, this is a major 'problem' now that we're divorced.

In this, I agree with Haley. If a woman gets nasty, she'll use anything and everything and let's face it, cross dressing is such a wonderful, juicy piece of gossip, especially if you aren't scared to embroider the story:rolleyes:

My current gf has been completely honest with me about her feelings and I with her. She has also tried very hard to understand - she's not burying her head, just doesn't want to be involved. Our ability to talk openly about this and a lot of other issues is one of the things that makes me feel secure, but this early in the relationship (6 months), neither of us are ready to make commitments.

You can't expect any relationship to be perfect, sorry but you can't. You can look for it if you like, but every marriage I know has compromises, including my own parents who are past their 50th anniversary and are as in love with each other today as they've ever been. If we want our partners to consider our dressing to be a 'normal' part of life, just an 'interesting hobby' or a 'genuine but harmless quirk of character', we have to be prepared for them to be less than fully accepting ... and be to be grateful if they are fully accepting.

And it can be done. I haven't been here long but already I've seen a number of members with partners who are less than fully accepting. I also know that whatever you go into a marriage with can drift either way.

To be honest, I think it was my ex-wife's acceptance of my dressing that blinded me to the other warning signs that getting together was a dumb idea. It's a heady thing, believe me.

To demand total acceptance of anything in a relationship is an inflexible selfishness that will place stress on that relationship. You must be able to bend and accept things you don't like in your partner - this bending and acceptance is part of growing together. Cross dressing can be an incendiary issue, but so can riding motorcycles, following a particular sport, fishing, shopping, etc. How incendiary cross dressing is in your relationship depends on how inflexible you are to it and how you react to other people finding out.

Wombat

[Bridgette T]

I told before we got married, and we split up for 6 months because of it. It was an ugly separation, and very hard. That being said, she is now my wife. She has bcome somewhat accepting, and we have been married for 8 years now. It would have been about a million times worse if I had told her after we were married.

[Julia Cross]

YES. Is this really a question.
I thought it was a statement.
You will tell your fiance!

Julia

[JoAnnDallas]

I'm a 58 yr old crossdresser, that said, if my wife and were getting married today, YES I would tell her. BUT when we got married, it was before the internet, back when CDers were thought as being mentally sick and perverted, before I even knew there were others like me, I decided NOT to tell her because of the fears I had. Even today those fears are just as real.
So if you are just starting out onto the marriage road by all means please tell her. If she can not handle it, then mabey it was not to be, if she can handle it, then talk about it, manage it in a way that both of you can deal with it and you will have a better and happy marriage.

Just my 0.02

JoAnn

[HaleyPink2000]

I still in many ways don't think it matters at all. If they want to use it against you they will. Why, because you just gave them the bigest hook you ever could have. They can pull your cord " so to speak" any time they want. Gawd, this gets complicated to explain.

If you tell Her before you get married you'd better be like realllllyyyy sure She will be ok with it " if possible ever"! That said, now lets say She's not ok with it and starts hating you for it? HMMM? Will she blab to the world every secret you and Her did share? HUH? You'd better be like so sure of Her before you tell Her. I'm not saying not to tell. I am saaying You'd better be darn right sure of whats going on between you both, before you do. Thats all!

After Marriage Is not really the time to tell Her. Marriage is a contract as far as I see it. A contract that says no secrets between two people. They need to become two people in one love.

If you are Sure of Her and that She truly wants you, other than for just Sex or Money etc. Then Tell Tell Tell. If Not then don't you dare. Shame Shame Shame.

I was in two marriages and Both Wives Knew. But Like I said there won't be a 3rd. for me ever. It's not a thing I want to ever do again.

I Love this Woman I'm with now and have for 25 years. She's got my chain I'll tell ya. Any time She wants to She can bring up any number of things " Including my CDing " and try to guilt me. Meaning to get me to do what ever She wants. I did that by telling Her my Secrets. I did empower Her by the telling. How many of Hers do I know? Hmmm? I'll tell ya, very few.

Don't give up the Bank till your sure!

[HaleyPink2000]

Oh and if you read any book on relationships they tell you to tell all. That does not mean just you, but the both of you. Every lover, every quirt, fetish etc. This means children of other relationships and places you’ve lived. It means everything. No lies. Have to tell you, I can’t count on all my fingers plus toes the things that I found out. After I was married, about either of my wives ((( After Marriage)))! Should I use these things against Her? Just because She still has a smile for an old BF or this or that goes on. I try so very hard to be understanding and think of what I’d like done if the tides where turned. But again, I think if they are of the type to make this an issue. There are other issues they have that are making this one so bad. Religion Sex Etc.

My Current Wife, She says it’s the Religious side. Ok, then why won’t She say the same thing when I drink a beer, or when I smash my finger, and swear for 10 min? Which I try not to do. ((Also I control myself very well actually)). No, She only brings up the Cding. As it’s the biggest Hook “ Secret “ She has on me, supposedly. It in many ways varies week to week also. Today it might be My Bras take up all my drawers in my dressers. When actually they only take up one drawer. Or this or that. Next week it will be something else….

Want to See my meaning in a movie. Watch the Movie “ Normal “ ! About half way through the movie the TS starts to get bitchy and Hormonal like the Wife and Daughter have been all along. Finally in a kitchen segment they get into it over something that gets all three of them into a girl spitting match. Bitchy and Hormonal! It’s a good movie!

The Movie “ Normal “ will let you know what might happen after your married then tell.
It’s not just a good movie for TS people but for everyone!
I still don’t believe it matters a bit if you tell before or after. If the Woman loves you for you , Either Way It would not matter! If She does not and is just married to you for Money, sex or other reasons. Then She might or WILL make an issue out of it. In a fairy tail Marriage it would not matter either way. The Wife would love you know matter what!

Oh, there it is, the No matter what thingy! Oh darling I love you no matter what! Yeah right , tell me another story “ lie”…! If She loved me No matter What. Then it would not matter what type clothing I dressed in.

[Julie Avery]

I'm rapidly approaching a point where the threat of being "outed" would be almost welcome.

People say and do all kinds of things they didn't mean, and shouldn't have done, when in the grips of anger. Some more than others.

Bitterness in the face of that, I think, when you're the partner who was mistreated in a particular incident, is a dead end. Break it off, or patch it up, is how I see it.

I certainly would never say to anyone, "Stay in the closet, because if you even peek out, you can be blackmailed."

I might say to some, "Get out of the situation you're in, before coming out to anyone." And I might say to others, "Don't come out till the children are grown." To many, I would say, "If you're so afraid of being outed, you have some inner work of your own to do."

To most, I would say, "You're not perfect, and your partner's not perfect. Try to keep a level head. Human nature is to prefer yourself to a ridiculous extent, so bend over backwards to fight that. And try to set the rudder 'slow and steady as she goes.' "

[randi_789]

I totally agree with Joann. I will be 58 soon and know exactly what she means. To do it all over now I would tell. But after 35 years of marriage there is no way that there can be any benefit to her or to our marriage. The only benefit will be to me, but at what cost. To get it off my chest. But it would just be transferring my stress in keeping the secret, to her and that just isn't fair.

[RobynP]

I agree with telling before, WAY BEFORE getting married... or even getting engaged... or even before getting intimate...

I think we all agree that crossdressing (among other things) is a "deal breaker" for many if not most relationships. We each have a list of "deal breakers". I certainly would want any potential spouse to disclose all just to see if there is something I couldn't deal with about her. If she doesn't want to share... well, that would kill any possible relationship right there... I'm not saying to disclose EVERYTHING on the first date, but important things should be discussed very quickly after a relationship starts.

Robyn P.

[jillinla]

If you want to do it openly - Yes

[Deborah757]

You probably should, but i'll bet most CDrs in their early 20's who are getting married think that it is going to go away. So I don't think that most people get married with the idea of intentionally deceiving.

Unfortunately, it usually doesn't go away.

[ronni]

My advice: show, don't tell.
You don't really need to explain anything if she sees you.
She will either get it or not.
Telling her about it will get you nowhere.

This is of course, speaking from no experience, just my opinion.
Think about it, "until death due us part" can be a difficult adjustment period.

[Wombat]

My advice: show, don't tell.
You don't really need to explain anything if she sees you.
She will either get it or not.
Telling her about it will get you nowhere.

This is of course, speaking from no experience, just my opinion.
Think about it, "until death due us part" can be a difficult adjustment period.

Hmm, the Russian Roulette method :eek:

Sorry Ronni, not trying to have a shot at you, just a wee attempt at a joke.

My first marriage (yup, I'm a two time dud at the marriage game). Lasted 12 years. I told her about my dressing before we got married - and this was pre internet so I had no information to work from or outside support. She didn't think much of it, especially as at that time I wasn't dressing and thought it would go away with marriage (I'm allowed the traditional mistakes as well the creative ones aren't I?). Six months later, she mentioned that I'd told her about crossdressing and asked if I still did it. I said 'no', which was the truth at that time, and her reply was 'well, at least I cured you of that'.

Naturally, before the year was out, I was dressing again and did so secretly through the rest of the marriage. Never had the courage to come out and tell her I'd gone back to it. The marriage broke up without it ever coming out - heavens only knows how she would have handled it but possibly quite well (she had her faults but intolerance wasn't one of them ... of course, I'm perfect :rolleyes: ).

Between wives, one gf lasted 18 months. I told her six months into that relationship and that was wayyyyy too late. She was devasted. Tied herself in knots trying to come to terms with it. She did come to accept it ... on the surface and while other things broke us up (we were basically moving on different paths), the cross dressing did explode in my face at the end. If I'd told her earlier, she wouldn't have felt so betrayed (and that did keep coming back) and she would not have had the emotional strain of trying to accept something she ultimately couldn't, in someone she had learned to love.

I simply don't think it's fair to delay the discovery.

Wombat

[HaleyPink2000]

Beth, read all my postings on this thred not just one.!
Meaning explore my ideas on this subject.

Also No disrespect intended on my answer to you Beth!

1st Of All I'm for letting them know in the 1st place. But If She leaves you after 30 years, She's the one with issues not you. She was looking for a way out anyway. Thats my take on it. A wife of 30 years knows Her situation well enough to know if She leaves over the guy liking pink undies, it's just a easy way out for5 Her. Again the Guy did empower Her with the info. She'd a been out the door long before that if He'd a given Her any other ammo to use besides wearing pink panties.

If you think the world revolves around Mars your wrong Sis. It's a situation I know perfectly well. You give them an inch and they will take the complete rope and run away with your bank account and everything. But things prolly were not so good to start with on Her side of the fence. At least She thought they were not so good till after She leaves and looks back. Then Notices that " Hey, it was not so bad really" !

Beth I have to tell ya. I have known many marriages of 30 pluss years. Many of the Women profess in groups that it's great. You get them alone and it's I wish there was a way I could get out of this. CDing gives them that empowerment.

So, Does it matter if you tell them. Yes please do so before marriage. Don't give them that Hook after marriage, cause it's worse. Myself I'm sure that either way, if She is a Woman really in love with You for You! Then it goes Back to the No Matter What thingy! She'll stay with you through thick and thin.

These days many people must not really hear the preachers words or they must be writing their own. What's that Girls? Better or worse, HUH? Richer or poorer? or In Sickness or in Health?? HUH? Is that the contract you signed. I have to tell you, that is indeed the one I signed. Did you.

So get over it! You signed a life long contract with another person. Live up to your vows. If you think this is a sickness then that clause is in there also. And and and and! I love this woman I am married to and She loves me! But She says I'm sick and that is covered in the marriage contract. (( She Said That To Me! Said She would not divorce me over this.

What about the Woman that leaves Her Man for wearing panties,? Was She inlove with the other person in the first place, really? Beth you mention after 30 years. Gawd, you know there were other issues other than dressing, You wrote the script Beth, I'm just trying to answer your story with some reality.

If It matters to the Woman then let Her know before marriage. But again it should not matter if She is really in love with the other person! Thats my take on it.

[allisonrn06]

I told my wife before were married and while she was and is not accepting of it she did not leave me either. If we were to split, I wouldn't worry about my next SO accepting me this way,because I know that the resources are out there for me to make sure that the next one is accepting of me right at the start, it just might take some time and patience.

[HaleyPink2000]

allisonrn06:

Cool beans Sis. Your correct it's nice to have a Woman in our lives that stays with us. Even though we Cross Dress, even though we might go fishing, even though we might Cuss some times, even though we do this or that.

My Wife stayed with me since the day we met, HUH? Yeah She did. She's not excepting or does not like me CDing. She does stay with me and loves me. Look at it this way. She actually Loves Me for Me. That means you take a person as a package not just for Sex or just Money or Something!

You know that the Marriage contract is improtant to Women that stay with their CD husbands. Ones that divorce them have other issues actually I believe. I figure like several others I know. Women that divorce their CD Husbands, actually are using that as an excuse to leave anyway. ((( I suppose)))!
==========================================

That is a definate YES. I told my wife before we were married and I have been married for 32 years. I have only known personally one other family that had the same "problem" that we have. They ultamately got divorced. When she was talking t my wife about it she kept wondering that if he lied to me by not telling me about this befor we got married, then what has he lied to me about since.


As for not Telling about Cding being an indicator of a “Liar”.
Nahh! Most people are full of guilt about Cding is all it is.
Are you going to use your Lovers Guilt against them.
How loving is that?

Many Women seem to be saying how much a family
Sin it is to cross Dress.

Like “ Oh you should have told me before Marriage”. Gawd!

“Well then you Should have told me this or that to Dear”!

Both Men and Women don’t tell everything before marriage. You might say you did. But you’d better tell someone that believes that. Cause I don’t! No one person actually knows every every every thing, about their spouse before marriage. Some maybe more than others. But you know also people change over the years, so you have to change with them.
=========================================

YES! Definately tell her within a few dates. The person deserves to know the truth and make desicion for him/her self if it is something that the person can deal with. I believe that relationship should be based on honesty. At the same time if i found out in the begginnig me and my Boyfriend might not be together because i freaked out big time when i found out due to lack of knowledge and associating Cross Dressing with being gay.




So did you do any research about CDing and the ideas you had about Cross Dressing men being Gay?

Most CD Men I have met are not Gay! Also from most of what I have read , most arn't!
========================================

Yes I agree with everyone and should tell early on to avoid distrust.

:sad: Unfortunitly for me it didn't work out so well. I told my ex before we married. She was OK with it for a number of years and buying me clothes. She was Ok but really only tollorating it and belittled me about it later on in any form of disagreement. In the end after 15 years she left me stating it was the dressing. She told her friends I was Gay, and word stated to spread, I had to come out to my family at the age of 41 so they did not hear it from somewhere else.

She thought she would get sympathy from our friends, but once they heard my side of the story (there is so much more to tell) she got no sympathy.

She used my cross dressing for child custody, thought she would get sympathy but got none. It made no difference to the hearing, except that I had to pay for an expert to evaluate me. The ex even accused me of being a child molester (she blamed my CDing of his ADHD and Aspergers and is a slow developer) because I was "gay" and sick. Total rubbish and again had to disprove that in the court. Cost me a fortune.


Saying all that I hope one day I will find a GG that will accept me and I would do it the same way again. I think honesty and trust is so important. Hopefully next time my future GG will not turn on me.


Just an observation.
No disrespect intended!

See just what I have been saying. When they want to leave you they will use this against you. As it's the biggest Hook " secret " They have on you!

So did it matter actually? If She would have found out later She'd a divorced Him anyway prolly! ????


=========================================

Yes, you must tell her for all the reasons already stated.

But, telling her, and her accepting it, does not absolutely predict a successful marriage. There is a lot more to it. The crossdressing is a major concern to us. So major, sometimes, that it overshadows other potential relationship killers. Those of us who have CDing as part of our lives, some times think that having that part of us accepted, means that we are totaly accepted. NOT!!!

There are lots of other things that could annoy our SO's besides crossdressing. And just because someone tolerates our CDing does not automatically make her "Miss Right" for us, either.

We have a saying in the military: "It is hard to remember that your original intent was to drain the swamp when you are up to your ass in alligators".

In other words you need to look at all the implications of your actions, not just the immediate goals.



Ok, this is just what I have been saying in other words. It takes more than just your CDing to piss them off enough to leave you. Lets look back at the marriage. What has been going on! Have you been compulsive over a hobby, CDing, cars, buying things? Most CDing also has a compulsive side attached to it. It's other things that actually brought them to the idea of Divorce.

My First Wife is because She found someone else. She told me to my face " It's not you! It's just that I like this person more". It was a female "GG" BTW! Gawd! My first wife was a Lesbian! Yeah!
So did She tell me everything before marriage???????

No!


==================================

Marriage is a serious thing.......you should tell her, it's all about trust.



Angel:

Your a dear! I just love your postings so much. In just a few words you drive the nail home, so to speak!

Yes marriage is the biggest contract we ever sign. So to me its very important. I try each day to do something special for my Wife, and it's paid off ten fold.

BTW love the picks you have each week. I always look forward to the new ones and the stories of where you two have gone or been. Hugz. Your Sis

[HaleyPink2000]

I actually did not do it for years after the first divorce. Thought it had gone away. I never thought it would ever come back. Also did hope it would not. As I did not do it much anyway
" Hardly at all".

But now I do it every day being retired and all.
Oh, and still married BTW " 25 years ".

[HaleyPink2000]

I, (Name), take you, (Name), to be my wedded (husband/wife); to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, or the Lord comes for His own, and hereto I pledge you my faithfulness.

If you leave Him for CDing your the one breaking the Vows I feel.

[HaleyPink2000]

I would say yes you must tell her. I've been married for 40yrs and I didn't tell my wife and to cut a long story short she caught me wearing her bra, girdle and nylons. Everything turned out o/k with no hassle but I was the exeption not the rule. The only thing I can say in my defence is that in 1966 you didn't tell anyone.


Yep, My Ex did not tell me for 12 years She was Gay! A lesbian. She just took everything and did leave me high and dry. I did not know for a little over a year that it was cause She was Gay. The divorce took 2 years almost. It came out in court and I still did not get my Children. So should She have told me? Yes! But as others have said " in 1969 you did not tell"! But my Ex knew about my dressing.

[Eric/a]

I guess the biggest question all us single people have is "How do you know when you've really met THE right person?" I'm sure if you can tell somebody about your crossdressing and she's at least accepting, if not supportive, that would be a pretty good test right there. It might not automatically mean she's "THE" one all by itself, but it definitely means she's still in the running, so to speak!