Obsessive buying

[Peta_cd]

This is my first post, so check out my intro. I've spent the past few weeks lurking and browsing the older posts - there is so much valuable information here. I have only recently started dressing, so still trying to get all the boxes in my head back where they belong. From the older posts it seems like the obsessive collecting of women's clothing causes as much harm to relationships as the act of cross dressing itself. Is it common that cross dressers have extensive wardrobes, or did I just pick up some select posts? I did see mention of 200panties and 120 dresses, so some are obviously having a great time shopping.

[Alice Torn]

It is a compulsion and or addiction, and is a high, for sure. I got rid of 99% of my lady things a few years ago, made a commitment to stop dressing. I only have bought 4 dresses since,and one pair of shoes. It CAN take over ones life VERY EASILY. I wish i had all the money i have spent on this. I could sure use it now! I have never had a wife or lover, so it is a bit of a substitute, too. Every person on here is different though, but shares this desire or compulsion.

[Tracii G]

Some here have been dressing in womens clothes for decades so the acquiring of lots of ladies clothes is common.
Some do have obsessions with hose ,panties,wigs whatever I had it with ladies jeans and had 150 or so.
Down to maybe 10 pair now but I do have lots of shoes . How many pairs of shoes do I have? I don't know I stopped counting years ago.

[Ressie]

Shopping does tend to become obsessive for many. Realistically, there are probably more CDs that keep a small stash since they're totally in the closet. And those in that group are less apt to post anything.

[Bobbi46]

Also its having the ability to control "the pink fog" only too easy to become embroiled in buying the bargains all of the time but economy comes in as well!

[BTWimRobin]

I never used to understand why some women are addicted to shopping. I totally get it now that I have been CDing. It's the thrill of the hunt, trying to find that perfect dress, shoes,whatever at a bargain basement price. It can be very addictive. I have a blast each time I go. I can easily see how one can end up with a closet full of "nothing to wear."

[Allison Chaynes]

Can't disagree. I purge stuff that I don't wear and then end up seeing great deals I can't pass up. Last night I bought three floral swim briefs for $1 each at Walmart.... didn't need them but the price was awesome!

[NancyJ]

Like with everything, there are all types of personalities in the crossdressing community. I would venture a guess that there is no greater percentage of “compulsive collectors” or hoarders here than within any other group. For those who “fetish dress” an item might seem more exciting when it is new or some might get a thrill from a large or unusual collection.

I’ll bet most have practical wardrobes acquired over time. I have bought many clothes that do not fit because I was too scared to try them on in the store or thrift shop, or thought I’d just take a chance online. I treat my girl clothes like any other — when my panties start showing wear, I toss them and get new. I feel no compunction to “collect.” Clothes, to me, are for wearing. Nancy

[Tracii G]

I pulled a big bunch of things out of my girl closet I can't wear anymore so its going to Goodwill today and I will do some shopping for some new things just for the fun of it.
I love shopping for clothes and for me it is the thrill of the hunt.
I get the same thrill shopping for WWII military memorabilia or antique radios.
Heck even vintage guitars for that matter.

[Bruce64]

It's hard not to be compulsive to buy, I try not to buy a lot yet I do, now because I have breast forms I need another do more Bras different sizes, but Panties I could not resist the urge to buy.

[Stacy Darling]

Welcome :poppy01:

I guess we all differ, some of us are fashionistas, some are primarily into comfort and the list goes on!

May it be that it's just who we are?

Always Stacy!

[Kelli_cd]

Panties are my weakness. I don't need 200 panties. But every time a new season comes around there are new prints and new colors. I can't stop myself, I have to have the new colors just because they're pretty!

[Micki_Finn]

I think it’s fairly common but not a rule nor immutable. There are a lot of dressers that essentially fetishize the clothes and obsessively collect things like panties.
There are also a lot of dressers that aren’t necessarily like that, but go through purchasing a lot of clothes early on while they try to refine their personal style (this was me). I’d buy everything I thought was cute and ended up with a lot of stuff that didn’t work For me. I eventually got a better handle on things and now I know what I like and what works for me so the clothes purchasing is much more under control.

[Cheryl T]

Extensive wardrobe?
Guilty as charged. If you look in my closet you will find that 90% of what hangs there is women's clothing. It took me decades to come out of the closet and that made so much more room for my clothes...LOL.
I wear mostly feminine things in my daily life so they don't really go to waste. All my jeans, shorts, socks, t-shirts are from the women's aisle. I have 25 pair of shoes and boots, over 100 pair of panties, 32 bras, and a drawer full of stockings.
What can I say, as the song goes "I enjoy being a girl".

[Robertacd]

I came to this conclusion years ago:

Women's clothing is what I know in my heart I should be wearing. Yet every day I would get dressed in menswear. So in my head I am constantly thinking "I have nothing to wear.", that leads to buying anything and everything that fits.

I have found that since I have come out as TG, my obsession with clothing has decreased. Now that I regularly go out dressed, I only buy clothes that I will actually wear in public.

[Asew]

I have been out for a year and half and went from a single skirt to maybe a 100 items. Definitely smaller than my wife's collection, and we probably bought a similar amount of items in that timeframe Though I spent a lot less since most of my items were from the thrift store and everything else is on sale or cheap to start with. I have slowed down but I find it hard to not want to head to the thrift stores and look for another deal. I try to remind myself that I have plenty of options now so I don't really need anything.

[sometimes_miss]

I basically stopped buying stuff once I reached the point where I had what I wanted. If something special comes along, I will buy that, but I don't engage in the 'retail therapy' of many purchases, which so many women do, going on spending sprees to distract themselves from other mental turmoil.

[Stephanie47]

I will only speak for myself. In some sense buying too much of anything, whether it is clothing or something else, it is a form of retail therapy. I am in a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" marriage. My wife is not on board with her husband wearing women's clothing. Therefore there is no vestige of my desire to emulate a woman for her to see. I do not modify my body. Fortunately, my genetic profile has kept my body almost totally hairless from birth. I do not color my toe nails. What's a guy to do to keep his head screwed on straight? Yep, I got 162 dresses. Over four hundred slips. Hundreds of panties. I am on this site which is also a form of therapy. Buying an excessive amount of clothing I know I will never wear keeps my head screwed on straight. Currently, in order to satisfy my internal drive I am collecting panties in the styles I like. It's like collecting stamps. Most people buy stamps to mail a letter or pay a bill. Why stick stamps in a book and look at them? I choose to collect panties. I am diverting attention away from the fact societal norms and expectations as well as my wife adhering to them precludes slipping into a dress and heels and heading off to the grocery store. If society was no so stuck up with categorizing everyone into a box my wardrobe of dresses would be akin to my male wardrobe. I have roughly four pairs of shorts and six pairs of jeans I wear. I wear black or white vee neck tees shirts. My male wardrobe is typical of any man, although I do collect "Peanuts/Snoopy" graphic tee shirts of which I have a couple hundred. I'll never wear them like I'll never wear those hundred of different colorful panties.

I'd rather think my over indulgences are retail therapy, not a compulsive disorder.

[LydiaL]

Like Stephanie, I do not consider myself an Obsessive Buyer of women's clothing. I am a devoted Collector!

[Tracii G]

I wear womens clothes 24/7 so I view them as my clothes basically. I just buy when I need to or when I see something I like.
Its not like I go shopping everyday or have the compulsion to buy something everyday.
I'm pretty frugal.

[Nicole Bernard]

I'm only obsessed with makeup. I've only purchased one dress and that was two months ago.

Everytime I go to the pharmacy, to pick up my prescription, I always check out the clearance section for makeup.

[Tracii G]

The thing with make up it does have a expiration date so keep that in mind.

[susan54]

I have been buying womenswear for about 40 years and have got rid of maybe 5% of that. The current collection is about 1000 skirts, slightly more dresses, around 2000 tops of various types and probably 350 pairs of shoes. I have never counted panties or tights. It is not that much per month - how fortunate that I am not addicted!

In my defence I wear them most of the time. I live on my own so there is no one to tell me to cut back on the spending. I can afford it but I would obviously be a lot better off without this shopping habit.

[RADER]

First thing is WELCOME;
Yes some times are charge cards are bigger that we think, and we come home with lots of clothes.
The fun thing is trying all them on.
have Fun.
rader

[April Rose]

I have no compulsion to shop. I like pretty clothes and will buy things I like when the opportunity presents itself. When I shop, I always keep in mind what I already have and try to look look for items I can coordinate with the things in my current wardrobe. I have a basic understanding of what colors and patterns I can get away with, and the self discipline not to spend money on an outfit that obviously wont work for me no matter how adorable it might look in the store.

My goal is a pretty and practical wardrobe appropriate for a woman my age.

[Cynthia_0101]

To each his own I guess. I have not bought a new piece of clothing for at least a year now because I really have everything I need, barring holes in my pantyhose. But at one time I would go to every sale I could find just to walk away with something. My weakness now is makeup, there is always new colours and products to try.

Cynthia

[Jenny22]

When I got over the feeling of "That's so pretty, gotta have it," my buying really slowed down as the pink fog dissipated quite a bit. I still daily look at all the pretties on links sent to me, but it's rare that I'll buy something unless it's fantastically beautiful, and might just fit, with effort, in my closet.

[Devi SM]

I can explain that with my own experience.
I was a crossdresser. I'm my mind the manifestation of the woman was to buy and wear if possible outside or posting g pics here. That's the common factors here.
The more.time was passing that wasn't enought.
I had shoes that I was try just once and never wear them again because my mind keep looking for more.
Today I'm a transgender woman like Iiving full time I mean to be.
To dress and to buy has passed to a second or may be in a more behind place in my priorities but I didn't know that because for many crossdressers is just dressing up to the moment, as to me happened, that's ot just dressing.
Now I'm very reasonable in my purchases.
Wife and me go shopping together and other refrain the other for eccentricities and excess.
If is practical, beautiful, needed we buy it. If course, there are so many times I buy something because the price was a bargain ut whe we go back to our closet, there's no room for more even we keep out season wardrobe in another " loset" in a shed.
So for me, it's no OCD but an unresolved identity problem.

[LingerieLuvr]

Panties are my weakness. I don't need 200 panties. But every time a new season comes around there are new prints and new colors. I can't stop myself, I have to have the new colors just because they're pretty!

This is where I fall in terms of "collecting" or "addiction". I have acquired panties for years, and have over 600, but a lot are no longer what I prefer to wear, so I have been evolving what I keep immediately at hand, and storing the unfavorables . In the past 2-3 years, I began wearing bras, and have acquired way too many (I would guess around 200), but part of what has happened is the need to have matching bra and panties, and it is now a peeve for me. I prefer to have them match. Now I am a VS loyalist, so I have lots of things that are matching; for instance, matching bra and panties (different styles but matching colors), plus matching slips and/or gowns. I used to find a style of a particular panty I liked, and then buy one of every color...these days, I'm more concerned with finding the few colors that have the matching bra and panty.

[Maid_Marion]

I had a turning point few months ago in the Target discount rack when I decided not to buy something that was just my size and color. I couldn't figure out when I'd wear it, or what I'd wear it with!

[Helen_Highwater]

Peta,

So you asked;" From the older posts it seems like the obsessive collecting of women's clothing causes as much harm to relationships as the act of cross dressing itself. Is it common that cross dressers have extensive wardrobes, or did I just pick up some select posts? I did see mention of 200panties and 120 dresses, so some are obviously having a great time shopping. "

Well from being here a while it does seems that some do have extensive collections however I can't say that I see it as the norm. As with most things we're all different. I've about 20 pairs of knickers. Partly that's because I like to match my underwear to the outer layer and also to allow for a clean pair between each wash day with a few in reserve. I have limited opportunity to wear dresses around the house and even fewer opportunities to wear one out and about. Knowing this has made me highly selective in what I buy.

Before I started going out enfemme I shopped online as many others do. However now I do go out I've sort of made it a rule that I'll only buy if I can try it on in the shop first. Also anything I buy has to have a purpose, something I'll have occasion to wear out and about. I wouldn't for instance buy a ball gown unless I knew I'd a ball to go to no matter how good it looked on or how much of a bargain it was. I'd much rather buy something that I can wear as an everyday item and get the use of.

We get the ladies clothing mini catalogues through the post on a regular basis and thumbing through them you see many lovely dresses. I can understand the urge to buy could be overpowering but for me I'll resist and keep my wardrobe a manageable size.

So as you're new to all this the size of your wardrobe is in your hands. My advice is shop well, be choosy, buy things you'll have time to wear. Oh and my top tip, once your wardrobe is of a certain size and you'll know when that is, operate a one in, one out regime. That way you keep your wardrobe current.

[Peta_cd]

Thanks for sharing your experience. The size of some of the collections is staggering, but then they are collections - as Tracii G says possibly similar to collecting stamps, books bicycles etc. In some cases there seems to be an additional emotional attachment to the clothing - I have been wearing clothes for 40 years, but do not keep everything, except for a few select pieces from a special occasion. Its good to see that CD'ing and collecting are not necessarily one and the same thing, and that CD'ing does not have to result in a large credit card bill :)



So as you're new to all this the size of your wardrobe is in your hands. My advice is shop well, be choosy, buy things you'll have time to wear. Oh and my top tip, once your wardrobe is of a certain size and you'll know when that is, operate a one in, one out regime. That way you keep your wardrobe current.
I'll take this sensible advice - much like buying everyday (drab) clothes :D

[Sometimes Steffi]

From what I've seen here, some girls have a very extensive wardrobe and some only have a small suitcase full, easier to hide.

Some are also collectors of some particular clothing style, like full slips or classic nightgowns.

If you're obsessing over buying too much for yourself, you can use my three rules:

1. Set a monthly budget
2. Buy only what you will wear. Since most of my crossdressing is out and about now, I limit my purchases to what I would wear out of the house.
3. Save some money so you can take advantage of bargains you can't resist, like summer closeout sales now and after Christmas sales.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Peta :hugs:, Welcome to our forum.


I have been in this program for 72years now, I now have three closets full and 160+ pairs of heels,

flats & boots.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>Orchid .oO:daydreaming:Oo.

[Maid_Marion]

There is a annual cycle for sales, so that if you miss a sale you could wait until it repeats again next year!
If you are on a very tight budget waiting for sales may be a better strategy that buying at a thrift store, as it may be easier to find exactly what you want.

Especially if you study up on what you really need while you are waiting. There is a ton of style and fashion advice on the web, some of which I find to be very useful.

[suzanne]

I admit I may have gone overboard on the purchases. But there's more going on than just an obsession. I was a teenagerin the seventies, a time when there was no greater taboo than for a boy to exhibit the slightest bit of femininity. So now that Pandora is out of the closet, she wants to try and buy everything she sees. It also means I'm getting older and running out of time in which to rock a pretty dress.

Another factor is that very often, you only get one chance to buy something when you see it in the store. I learned this the hard way several years ago at Payless shoes. I found a really nice pair of patent leather wedges. Everything about them was right for me, but I decided I had already spent enough money that day and would pick them up in a couple of weeks. WRONG. I never saw them again and I feel like they would have been one of my favorites to this day. Since then, my mantra has been, don't expect to get a second chance to pick up something you like.

So yes, some might think I can be obsessive with over five dozen dresses in my closet, but I have heard of worse cases and I still know how to say No.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Suzanne

I totally agree. Don't expect a second chance. I even lost a great find before I even left the store.

I had found a really cute pink handbag, last one, on sale. I was looking for other things and didn't want to be embarrassed by carrying a pink handbag around the store. I went to pick it out just before checking out and it was already gone! So bummed out!

But, don't forget that you can buy something, try it on, even take a picture or two (or a dozen) and then return it. It's a tip I got from my gender therapist when I told her about my excessive buying. It just takes a little more muffins than buying it from an SA in the first place.

[jacques]

hello Peta,
I used to give myself a monthly budget for shopping; but often found a reason to spend more!
luv J

[Palaina Nocturnus]

Hello Peta,

When I first started identifying as a CD, I started my collection of clothes and shoes (read high heels and sandals lol) and now I have a wardrobe. I'd say the only thing I'm obsessive about are sandals and open toed high heels, I have soooooo many I lost count.

One huge factor for me was leaving an oppressive and abusive relationship and starting a new relationship with the foundation that I am a CD and NOTHING will EVER change that.

- - - Updated - - -

No I'm not suggesting a break up, just how I made my decisions and my end results.

[abbiedrake]

I'm with Micki (as per flaming usual).
Starting out is often the danger zone. I call it my girl adolescence. I didn't spend a huge amount cos I shopped at charity shops (goodwill/thrift for our Murican cousins). But while I was aiming for classy mid 40s lady I ended up with late 60s given up. Lol

Still I now have a much better handle on what works, what simply won't no matter how much I love it, what's too young /old etc. Finding brands you like and can rely on for sizing helps. Mine's Joe Browns. Which is handy since my wife loves them too. Hence we each bought a pair of these.
306859

[Leelou]

Welcome, Peta! This is an interesting thread for me because it's an issue that I don't want to get out of hand for me. I have a reasonably decent wardrobe and the only thing in my collection that I consider excessive are panties. I have about 150 pairs, but they were bought over many years and I'm pretty much done buying new panties.

I have about 25 dresses, 15 skirts, 25 pairs of shoes and boots, 30 tops, 30 bras, 20 pairs of jeans/capris. I have a funny way of justifying the money I've spent on women's clothes. I see guys towing fancy boats or riding $30K Harleys, and I think to myself--"See, there's no way I've even come close to spending that kind of money on my little hobby." :)

[abbiedrake]

"pretty much done buying new panties"

LMAO. As if!! 😁

[daphne g]

no im not compulsive ive only got about 500 pantyhose