Hedging your bets

[Helena]

Despite having lived in my little house on the hill (not Amityville:eek:) for nearly four years I haven’t had a great deal of contact with my neighbours.

Much earlier in the year the lady leant over the fence while I was hanging out my washing to ask a question. I was wearing a jersey top, padded bra and leggings. We had a short pleasant chat and she passed no comment nor did I see any reaction in her face. Possibly deluding myself slightly that it hadn’t been too noticeable from a distance? Perhaps they had already noticed me going in and out dressed?

At tea time tonight I popped round as soon as I arrived home because a parcel for Helena (nothing lovely sorry to say) had been left with them, and I asked about the dispute they were having regarding their neighbours overgrown hedge.

I returned home and as usual immediately changed into a dress and padded bra, and was washing up whilst dinner warmed up. Next, I hear knocking and the cat is running in scared, and I turn and the lady is waving. Not a lot I could do, but fortuitous as I had been thinking it was time to stop scuttling away to effect a quick change, so I went and answered the door. Non of the usual elevated heart rate, or nervousness. We chatted further regarding the hedge problem, which also affects me slightly.

Again, no reaction whatsoever to how I was dressed.

[RADER]

Well that is one for the book's. Maybe they are blind or they just thought they where talking to your SA.
anyway, you are in great shape. The neighbors might just ask you some day who the "Lady" is or they
just might not think anything about it at all. you are lucky for sure.
I have been here for over 40 years now. I could never pull that off around here.
rader

[Teresa]

Helena,
Just be you , cool , calm and collected ! Hiding behind curtains and scuttling away like a scolded cat has to stop at some point , your neighbour will respect you more for it . I told all my neighbours just the once I was TG and since left them to fill in the blanks , if they want to talk more that's fine . Being consistent is a problem, that's the one that creates problems for me with my neighbours two out of three will now only converse with me in male mode . I'm afraid they now make fools of themsleves ducking and diving around me but I'm not going to start doing it .

[AllieSF]

Very, very well said Teresa. Be who you are and dress how you want. Being consistent in being who you are, sometimes a nut (male?) and sometimes not (Almond Joy candy bar commercial) will help them see that you are harmless and hopefully a very nice neighbor and, more importantly, person.

[Bobbi46]

"Scuttling away" is just as it was for me, it seems such a long time ago but then after a while I grew in confidence and slowly let my neighbours see me dressed, it worked with all of them and now i get on with them all.
To an extent i think if one dresses properly and I am sure you do that alone goes a long way to be accepted. the thing is so many people have no idea what makes us tick and they build up false impressions of us as a whole but when they see we are human just like the rest the whole aspect of life changes.
This changed at the end of last week after going into my local shop (see my thread about my local shop) since then my dressing has solidified in that i have been dressed now for getting on 10 days now and not swapping back to drab mode to avoid awkward moments with friends that do not know.
Also i think it is down to ones own powers of conviction.
Be you, be proud and live life.

[AllieSF]

Bobbi, you are the perfect example of the old adage here. The more you get out and interact with others, the more your confidence grows and the more you can interact with everyone else. How you dress is less important, in my opinion. More important is the consistency of you being you and being friendly and confident in yourself. That all shines through to the other people.

Have you ever singled out the strangest looking person at some street faire? You know, the one that everyone stares at but will not talk to? Well, try a few times and you will find they may be saner and more grounded and nicer than most others. They just happen to present themselves differently. If they happen to not be that way, then you move on to talk to the next one. The problem with society is that some of us outliers are afraid to be ourselves. If one owns it, actively participates and is a nice person people will eventually get curious and communicate with them and learn something surprisingly new, that the funny looking person is a very nice and amicable person too!

That appropriately dressed crossdresser who slinks around trying to hide themselves by looking at the ground and not in the face of the person who talking to them is a much worse presentation for most of us on this site. Other people think that the person is hiding something serious and maybe dangerous, when it is only fear and themselves that the person is trying to hide. Smiling, head held high and happy conversations will draw most to that fun happy person at the party, and not to the shy one in the corner. You can be that shy one in the corner and that is OK by me.

[Bobbi46]

Allie I said scuttling away that was back in my early days, now I am totally different and noIi dont go round looking at the ground or trying to hide, now I am me dressing so as not to draw attention but dressing so that iI feel right with wherever I am; And no I don't hide from my neighbours or anybody else by the way. If that is dressing appropriate so be it then.

[AllieSF]

Bobbi, I already know that because I read most of your posts. You are doing it your way and I think progressing to some place comfortable and beautiful for you in an everyday life. That is great. However, how you dress does not and should not be the rule to follow for everyone else, nor should how I dress. I am addressing that a person who trying to bloom, which I believe you are, into a beautiful flower should follow their own path and not one that someone wants to influence them into following, in this case dress this way and that other way is wrong, which in essence is being insinuated.

My example of the fearful CD is not you, but many others who are out there that way and get looks, sometimes even negative comments when out. I have seen and spoken to some of them many times. I am happy and proud that they are out, but what does the public think when seeing a person like that. They can think good or bad. My point is these points of view, especially the negative ones from others, do not affect us in the big picture, and that for every probable negative opinion about one way, there is a probable negative opinion about the other way too. So, why worry and just support all in getting out into the world if they want. I.e. There are no rules for dressing except those that you want to apply to yourself.

[NancyJ]

Helena, Your neighbors sound great. Chances are they are quite accepting and perhaps curious. Hopefully the door has opened to new friendships. Good luck, Nancy

[Bobbi46]

NancyJ, thank you for bringing this thread back on track!
Helena, you are doing great! as time goes by your confidence will grow which i was hoping i had put across, having good neighbours goes a long way as mine are and it sounds like yours are the same way, you will i am sure have a wonderful future ahead of you.

[docrobbysherry]

Helena, your neighbors r uniquely yours. They certainly aren't mine!:brolleyes:

I've lived here in my house in rite wing OC in SoCal for over 30 years. I don't know my neighbors names, (except for the one I complained to the city for his barking dogs), and they don't know mine!

Some, we wave at each when getting our mail or driving out of the complex. The dog barking guy has parties where they look over the fence and can watch what is happening in my yard and pool. He complained once about what his guests saw. I advised him not to let them look over our fence!:Angry3:

i'm too old to "scuttle away"!:tongueout

[alwayshave]

Helena, Sounds like you have accepted yourself, not just your neighbor accepting you.

[kimdl93]

Hedging...nice! Seems you're accepted as you...thats as good as it gets.

[JenniferMBlack]

Sounds like it is a non issue to them. Or they feel it is none of their bussiness what you wear.

[suzanne]

I am not out to the entire world. A lot of people just don't need to know because it's totally irrelevant. But I have grown in confidence to the point where if someone sees me dressed, so be it. So although I'm not advertising my dressing, I'm not hiding it either. So some neighbors have seen me in a skirt while others have not. There have been many normal conversations but no comments about what I'm wearing.

[Helena]

Thank you for all the kind comments. I am indeed lucky with my neighbours Sherry. It probably does fall into not being their concern what I wear. I can't say we mix much.

Alwayshave I think that may be the important point. Accepting myself, just normalising it, holding my head up.

[Bobbi46]

Helena, i would say one thing don't rush things along, let your new found freedom evolve slowly at your own pace, that's how I let myself be seen in my hamlet, baby steps and of course acceptance came way. The ones that i thought might not be quite as accepting are the ones most close to me now.
Enjoy what you have from now, awhole new world can open up for you, best wishes.
Bobbi