openly discriminated against

[hosekid]

This is the first time in a while that I can remember anyone openly being hostile toward me because of crossdressing. I had a guy insist I use the ladies room a while back, but he was kinda going the opposite direction LOL.

I went to a thrift store that I go in some times, mostly in male mode. I was wearing a purple dress and tan pantyhose this time though. I found a few household items like christmas decorations and some pantyhose and made my way to the cashier. The 50ish lady refused to ring me out when I got to the register. She said that "I am not going to serve you" and made a comment to the lady behind me (a gg btw) that she does not have to wait on people like us. I told her to just go get someone that is willing to ring me up (because I dont care if she rings me up or if someone else does, I am not there to be a missionary of crossdressing, just to buy my stuff) and the manager comes up after a minute or so. The lady behind me yelled at him about having bad service and how the cashier thought she was a man. (I think the cashier thought we were together and the woman did have some masculine features) So the manager tells the cashier to get her things and go home, she's not employed there any longer! She argues with him for a minute and then starts yelling at me about how this is my fault. I told her that I didn't ask her to get her boss, just someone to ring me up and that if she didnt like dealing with the public she was in the wrong line of work anyhow. The manager apologized and I thought about asking if I could work there and take her place, but I already work too much.

Anyhow, it was a kinda scary adventure. On one hand, I dont care what people think, and on the other if they are going to work public jobs they should be prepared to serve all of the public.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I guess a few people learned a lesson there, you (stick up for yourself), the GG behind you who stuck up for you and maybe herself also, and the cash register lady who wanted to see what was more important: God or George Washington. Clearly, George won by a mile. The manager really knew her job, and had the power to enforce it.

I used to be afraid to stick up for myself. I was at an Ulta and purchased some lipstick to get a gift with purchase. The cashier rang it up without the gift with purchase. Normally, I would have just paid and slunk out with my purchases. But this time I decided to argue with her. As I was arguing, the line of GGs behind me kept getting longer and longer. And everyone knew some dude was buying lipstick But, I stuck to my guns and finally got my GWP. It was a good lesson to learn. I was terribly embarrassed, both for arguing with the cashier and for being so obviously a dude buying lipstick. But, I lived to buy another day.

[EllieOPKS]

I am proud of you for standing your ground. That took guts. The immediate thought that went thru my head was to drop the stuff and run, but you did the absolute right thing. So did the manager. Maybe she can find a nice hate group to join. Lol

[Lana Mae]

You did the right thing! Prejudice like that has no place in today's world! I must say, I am from North Carolina and have not had that problem! Kudos on your response! Hugs Lana Mae

[Alice Torn]

I am sorry the cashier spoke to you like this. People need to just do their job and serve the customers,regardless of their personal beliefs. She was hired to just do her job. I am sorry she hurt herself, and lost her job, too.

[looking_good]

Like others - very impressed! In a difficult situation, you were resolute and reasonable. Also impressed with the manager and an organization that supports that decision and action. Much to learn from this.

[Robertacd]

You did the right thing. We need to stand our ground against hate and discrimination.

If you didn't take time to thank the manager, you should write her a nice letter and maybe send a copy to the head office if it's a chain store

[Aunt Kelly]

Arguably, the store could have done a better job of training its employees, but the manager is to be commended for doing the right thing. Let us hope that manager is not taken to task for violating the bigot's "religious liberty".

[docrobbysherry]

Hosekid, I think u should have titled your post, "Standing up to a hater!" Because u weren't discriminated against. The store manager and store policy seemed quite accepting.

I think it's wonderful that u stood up for yourself and even if unintentionally, us! Thank u!:thumbsup:

It's situations like this that prevent me from going to vanilla venues dressed willingly!:sad:

[CD Tammy]

A couple decades ago, I got talked into volunteering at a local thrift store. One of the things that I had to do was sort the clothing. One of the perks was that the charity said we could take whatever we wanted without charge. Good thing no one looked in the bags that I took home. :)

[Micki_Finn]

There’s a saying in retail. “Everyone’s wallet is green on the inside.” Not surprised one iota that said employee was terminated.

[Asew]

I wonder if the cashier learned a lesson or is just blaming you (or all of us here). But good for that manager for correcting the situation swiftly :)

[Tracii G]

The cashier was never taught respect by her parents obviously.
Sadly people like that are common place these days.
Kinda funny she blamed you for what she did LOL.
Sadly again there are a lot of people like that.

[RADER]

You did the correct thing, Get the Boss, Your money is as green as the next person.
A Big WELL DONE from me.
Rader

[Robertacd]

I wonder if the cashier learned a lesson or is just blaming you

Sad to say, but people like that never believe they are at fault and this will only increase her hatred of people like us.

She is probably already telling all her friends about how some "tranny" got her fired.

[Tracii G]

Roberta there will come a time when the cashier realizes she did the wrong thing by acting the way she did.
Maybe a week maybe a year but when she realizes it she will feel pretty bad and that will stay with her for her whole life.

[CynthiaD]

Roberta there will come a time when the cashier realizes she did the wrong thing by acting the way she did.
Maybe a week maybe a year but when she realizes it she will feel pretty bad and that will stay with her for her whole life.

Perhaps. But most likely she will remain bitter her whole life.

[kimdl93]

You ran into a person with very poor manners and very poor judgement. She got the result she deserved.

[Bridgette Azure]

Good to see that hate leads to self-destruction. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kid :hugs:, You just can't fix Stupid !! >Orchid ..o:daydreaming:o..

[Palaina Nocturnus]

I'm so happy for you standing up to oppression! That lady got what she deserved.

[Jenny22]

As others have said, Well done, HK, WELL DONE!

[giuseppina]

Good for you for standing up for yourself, Hosekid.

I somehow doubt the ex-employee learned very much, if anything. Prejudice takes a concerted effort to overcome.

[Robertacd]

Oops my bad didn't mean to go there...

Anyway some people will just dig in deeper and double down when they are called out or when when you try to use logic and reason to convince them they might be wrong.

[Valery L]

I love happy endings.

[Crissy 107]

hosekid, I am very proud of the way you handled this. The mgr did the correct thing but unfortunately that former employee did not learn anything but more hate. That’s all on her.

[hosekid]

I should have noted that this was not a religious based thrift store. It's ran by a drug rehab to raise money for their patients treatment. (the patients do not work there, and there are no volunteers there, they are all paid. Probably minimum wage for most) Anyway, I guess that is why there was no issue for the store, because they are operated by a company that has professional therapists and probably understand that there are many different kinds of people. Most religious based thrift stores that I go into I get a general sense of disapproval, although they have never came out and said anything. Although I prefer that when I go to places that provide more personal service, if they are uncomfortable working with me, I want to know up front. I'd much rather interact and spend my money with someone who is eager to provide services to me. I think this applies to hairstylists and pedicure places mostly. I compare it to the people that refuse to bake the same sex wedding cakes. If they really don't want to do it, for whatever reason, I would not want to use them. Imagine how much better looking and better tasting it will be when it is made by someone wanting the business.

I guess it really doesnt bother me for private businesses to want to deny service to me. I don't care if private businesses denied service to gays, crossdressers, blacks, muslims, whoever. I actually think it would make America better in this day and age. Instead of people in the minorities getting crappy service from ungrateful businesses, they would shop where they are welcome. And it would not take long for the businesses that turned away customers to go out of business.

[Tracii G]

I was discriminated against for being male in two Victoria Secret stores.
Thats why I will never shop there again.

[hosekid]

Tracii G Victorias Secret is a different story. They are a national chain and their policy is to not discriminate against anyone. I am talking about places where the owners discriminate against people. VS I hear even has a transexual model. Sounds like they have a problem at the store level.

[Tracii G]

They treated me like I was a creeper which is what felt so awful.

[Gardener]

Simply, well done.

[Crissy 107]

I was discriminated against for being male in two Victoria Secret stores.
Thats why I will never shop there again.
This happened to me at a Lane Bryant store 5 years ago and I have never gone back and neither has my wife.

[Lacey New]

Echo..Good for you! Fortunately, I think that kind of treatment is rare these days. I’d be curious to know what part of the country you live in.

[Helen_Highwater]

Thankfully I've never experienced anything quiet the same as this. I've been deliberately mis-gendered on a couple of occasions but I've let those pass me by. However as time has gone by I've resolved that in future I'm going to politely say something along the lines of. "Excuse me, but I would consider it a great kindness if you'd please address me the same way as you'd address any female customer.

If as in the O.P. there's a further rudeness then I'd ask to speak to the manager. I certainly wouldn't be seeking the dismissal of the employee. I'd request that they're better trained to politely deal with those who undertake a different lifestyle. To treat all equally. Retribution only furthers hate.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I was discriminated against for being male in two Victoria Secret stores.
That's why I will never shop there again.




This happened to me at a Lane Bryant store 5 years ago and I have never gone back and neither has my wife.


I'm not sure that I would boycott a whole chain over a single incident. As we've seen in his case, an employee decided that her personal views were more important than the store's policies, and she got fired for it. The manager stepped in and didn't just reprimand her, but firedd her on the spot. I think that this is a lesson for all of us that we do have rights, and that we may be supported by the store policies. My takeaway from this is to politely ask to discuss this with the store manager, and it that doesn't work, escalate to corporate.

It might be nice to have a stickee on this site to identify stores that discriminate against us.

I plan to conduct a test at Macy's. I shop there a lot, but only off the sale racks; even their regular sale prices are above what I'm typically willing to spend. Both of my local Macy's have just recently prominently displayed their non-discrimination policy by the escalators. The policy states that they don't discriminate over gender presentation.

When I find something I like, I typically take it to the men's dressing rooms to try on. Next time I go, I'm going to ask an SA permission to try it on in the nearest dressing room, which is almost always a women's dressing room. I'm not sure how far I'll take it if I'm denied. It will be a game-time decision.

[Angie G]

Good for you standing up like that. As for that lady being fired if she don't want to deal with every one she should stay home and hide behind the door. I don't like people how think they are better then someone. :hugs:
Angie

[Crissy 107]

Steffi, In my case it was the store manager. Yes I could have gone up the ladder but at the time my wife was worried about her outing me somehow. If that had happened I would have lost any acceptance at all from my wife.
I can also say that I absolutely did nothing to deserve the way I was treated.

[char GG]

Just a friendly reminder, please review the rules against posting political or religious comments before responding.

[Vickie_CDTV]

This was not a case of "conscientious objection", all this person had to do was ring up their purchases.

[alwayshave]

Hosekid, I'm sorry that you were discriminated against. You handled it well. I have never been discriminated against for how I have dressed, but my wife and I have been refused service at a couple of different places because we are an interracial couple. In the first case, at a major hotel, the manager comped us everything to make up for the bartender's refusal to serve us and the bartender was fired. In the second case, a much wiser employee swooped in and stated, that he would handle us and the issue was averted. In the end, it is a training issue and employees should be taught to respect the customer.

[Stephanie47]

Hosekid, correct me if I am wrong. I believe based on a prior thread/comment you live in Alabama. Alabama, like many states does not have an anti-discrimination policy towards transgender men and women......no legal protection. Perhaps, the sales associate thought she could get away with not serving a transgender woman because there really is no protection for transgenders. However, she did not take into consideration the store's policy. There are many companies with a positive policy towards diversity and inclusion. The manager was right to kick her to the curb and fire her. I'm sure the sales associate is not going to change her opinions.

Reading through the responses and seeing others who have been discriminated I would recommend everyone check the state and local laws concerning discrimination. If you're covered in the place where you live always file a complaint with the governmental officials and/or the corporate office. Even if you're not the victim but an observer, a complaint should be filed.

[Sidney]

A while back I posted a thread on servive. My wife and I owned or own customer based buisness. People are very quick to complain about something but not a quick to compliment and owner or manager for outstand service.

When I first started shopping it was a scarey ordeal. One day I was shopping in the lingerie section of Kohls and didnt know what I was looking for size or style wise. I must have looked like a creep looking over my shoulder.
Long story short SA helped me pick out three bra and panty sets. Very helpful and friendly. By the way I was in drab.

Paid for purchase and had gotten my car when I thought the SA should be recognized for her positive actions. I returned to the store and found the manager and related what a wonderful shopping experience I had had. He acted surprised and told me I am the first to give possitive feedback because all he ever recieves is complaints. Thank me and I left.

Several weeks latter I was back in Kokls shopping and ran into the same SA. She came up to me and gave me a hug, Im in drab again. She related that the manager had sought her out after my last visit and complimented her on our interaction. She also said in a meeting a few days ago she got a raise and a promotion. Made me feel good that I to ten minutes to recognize good service and the SA benifitted.

[Alice Torn]

We need also, to realize that some people are just plain uneasy around us, and may have disorders that trigger fear or anger. Every person is different. Maybe she was hurt by a person who dresses, or was abused. We just do not know what others have been through. I am not giving her a free pass, though. She needed to be reprimanded, and or fired.

[Aunt Kelly]

A while back I posted a thread on servive. My wife and I owned or own customer based buisness. People are very quick to complain about something but not a quick to compliment and owner or manager for outstand service.

When I first started shopping it was a scarey ordeal. One day I was shopping in the lingerie section of Kohls and didnt know what I was looking for size or style wise. I must have looked like a creep looking over my shoulder.
Long story short SA helped me pick out three bra and panty sets. Very helpful and friendly. By the way I was in drab.

Paid for purchase and had gotten my car when I thought the SA should be recognized for her positive actions. I returned to the store and found the manager and related what a wonderful shopping experience I had had. He acted surprised and told me I am the first to give possitive feedback because all he ever recieves is complaints. Thank me and I left.

Several weeks latter I was back in Kokls shopping and ran into the same SA. She came up to me and gave me a hug, Im in drab again. She related that the manager had sought her out after my last visit and complimented her on our interaction. She also said in a meeting a few days ago she got a raise and a promotion. Made me feel good that I to ten minutes to recognize good service and the SA benifitted.

Thank you so much for sharing this, Sidney.

I see two lessons here... One, behaving in a non-creepy manner and engaging with the SA's honestly and openly instantly removes all the possible objections from all but the most intractible bigots. Two, recognizing the SA's professionalism was a very nice thing to do. That single act probably cemented that person's view of TG women.

Well done.