Not everybody is as accepting as one would hope

[Bobbi46]

As I may have related before about how free I am able to dress here in my hamlet and now my main town for shopping is slowly opening up for me there. All of this week I have been dressed the big thing was being so welcomed by our new shop owners, of course on top of this is that all of the village council and too many others to mention (it would get boring to list them) but the big thing for me is up in the village. Over here some of the ex pats form little cliques to the exclusion in a way of others. Now knowing how out I am to the village, yesterday was a good day to expand my horizons so to speak and after lunch in the shade of the restaurant were the proprietors and an expat, I had on my floral jump suit (not a loud coloured bold one but a nice summery pattern on it) I sat down with them had a fizzy soft drink, now the expat who had known about me before but had never seen me dressed before was very pleasant, polite and accepting towards me.
Having finished my drink it was time to leave, but being aware now of how out I am and I hasten to add that I no longer worry about what people may think behind my back, but I have never had any hostility from any of the locals. And the same goes for in town as well.
Well with these facts in mind I have come to the conclusion and totally agree with if there is no need to tell then don't but the expat community here is like a wildfire, a snippet of juicy gossip and before you know it everybody else knows plus the original narrative now totally twisted and bent. So with this in mind there is up in the village is an expat holliday couple who helped me a lot through my divorce, they are friends with the biggest big mouth expat here and I did not want the big mouth to twist things.
I believe that if something needs to be told then it best coming from the original source so after my fizzy drink I visited this expat couple and began explainingg why I dressed, what it meant to me, why was I dressing at this time of my life and so forth, I also went onto explain the reasons why all of us are different in our ways of sexuality and gender levels and so forth. Christine (the wife) asked most of the questions and of course I was totally open with my replies, Charles (the husband) asked small bits and pieces here and there and then totally floored me by saying "I would rather you did not come to my house dressed then". I was literally speechless! I was astounded, having known them for getting on 6 years now, going out to meals with them and so forth, but I was so surprised I had no words to answer at which Christine could tell I was disturbed by this said in no uncertain terms to Charles "you cannot say that to him". To which he looked down, said oh and nothing more. Pleasantries were exchanged and it was time to go Charles did not get up or anything but at the front door Christine gave me a warmer than normal goodbye kiss and added "You should buy an outfit to match the colour of your new car" smiled at me and waited at her front door for me to drive away.
I have not lost anything by all of this, I am liked by too many people to be bothered by one who will not or cannot accept me and the rest of us. but time will tell.

[Macey]

If they have been that close, he may just be having a hard time processing this. Maybe he'll come around, realize what he said, and make amends. Or not. Hard to predict the deep expectations of other people.

In any regards, you be you!

[Crissy 107]

Bobbi, I think it may very well be that Charles was shocked some, and after thinking about it and with Christine being ok on the first blush, that he, Charles, will come around. You are doing so well in your area of rural France that there are bound to be a few ups and downs.
Hang in there and continue doing what you are doing, it has been interesting following your adventures.

[Alice Torn]

Many people a re just uncomfortable with CDs. It is still difficult for many to process it, and especially men, seem to be most uncomfortable with it, as they feel threatened in their masculinity, especially if attracted by the looks of a cder. Some men will get very belligerent and maybe even violent. There are many reactions in people, and most keep it hidden. But, good that most there, are ok , and good to you.

[alwayshave]

Bobbi, Sorry to hear that. Not everyone is going to be accepting.

[Micki_Finn]

There will always be those who aren’t accepting, and the harder you try to make them understand the more they’ll resist. Best to just move on.

[Jean 103]

So you outed yourself to a whole town by this meeting?

Or is it more about this one person?

Is there some reason I’m missing that everyone in town needs to know your business? In detail?

I know all about living in a small town. People are going to talk. I have received feedback from my friends. They say it’s mostly good.
A few years back I was picked up at the bar (cute guy). That night the place was dead, the bartered (a friend of mine) and this guy and the other end of the bar. The next day everyone in town knew. I didn’t care but the guy was very hurt.
That was an extreme example, most of the time I’m just like everyone else, living life.

[Bobbi46]

Jean I will send you a Pm to explain this further within this thread will take too long and will go over previous threads I have posted.

[AllieSF]

Way to go Bobbi. Taking control of your own situation and acting as you seem fit seems to be working wonderfully for you. I admire your attitude. Good work. The more you have control the more you can actually truly enjoy your life regardless of the situation. I know it must have hurt, but I think you are handling it perfectly.

[Bobbi46]

Allie, Thank you, you such t lovely words. I am most heartened by them.
Hugs
Bobbi

[Connie D50]

Bobbi I think its great that your taking control. In reading your post I have to say that a thou you may have lost Charles, it sounds like (again in your post) Christine could become even a much closer and fun friend to have. Connie

[Bobbi46]

Connie maybe regarding Charles but with Christine championing my cause I may not have lost, knowing Christine (I have known them close on, i think 6 years) I think she may well give him a good ear bashing once I was out of sight.

[Tracii G]

Maybe she will and she should IMO.
Not in a mean way but just explain why.

[Bobbi46]

Tracii, Right on the nail! During the initial coversation I held nothing back as to why I dressed the reasons for it including the medical research which has been done and recognised as to why we are so in that context I was explaing to them that it was not a sudden chgoice on my part and nor is it for the rest of us;. Christine will have spoken to him later. I will go round there in a few days when the dust has settled.

[abbiedrake]

Bobbi, it's disheartening to hear something that blunt for sure but two things. You've made such headway in your new life, screw Chuck. Secondly, expats can be insular in general. (don't get me going on some of the Murican here in Blighty lol) I always hate it when expats form cliques, for me that seems rather contrary to the point. But then I'd never move to another country just for the climate. ��*♀️

Good for you on the proactivity though. Best way IMHO.

[MonicaPVD]

Sorry that you had to endure that. However, that is a reminder that we will always encounter ignorance in the real world. The important thing is that you don't let one person's opinion weigh heavily on you.

[Teresa]

Bobbi,
I have to say it is a body blow when someone does this , my best friend of some 40+ years doesn't want to know about my " Girly stuff !! " as he puts it . I've concluded he has the problem not me , if the friendship means so little to him after all these years then it's time to walk away , I'm not going to dress to please him and neither should you . Christine is on board so Charles may come round .

Being consistent does become more of a problem , can you understake most if not all of your everyday jobs as Bobbi ? Going back and forth does get harder , who is right and who is wrong with the situation ?

[Bobbi46]

Thank you both, I am getting past it a little bit now and think so many know and have seen me dressed, so many accept me as well so if Charles does not do a U turn on this, yes I may have lost a friend but also if that happens how true a friend was he anyway? my closest friends (couples) live wiithin a KM of me and they both have accepted me so one lost friend will be cheap price to pay for where I have got to now.
Where I have come from only just a week ago as it seems to be, has affirmed what I have wanted to acheive for a long time now, to be able to freely go out. One thinks that sometimes that small communities can be an insular tight knit way of life with very little liberalism attached but these past couple of weeks has shown me how fortunate I am to have found people to accept me for what and who I am I am.

[Aunt Kelly]

Bobbie,
Did you ask the bigot WHY he wanted you to never appear en fem at his home?
Explicitly unwelcoming a friend deserves an explanation. You'd be amazed how effective that can be. Making someone articulate their indefensible views is powerful. They may immediately backtrack, in which case you win. They may double down, in which case you can turn it into "a teaching moment" (everybody wins), or they show their true colors and you are rid of an asshole you thought was a friend (you win).
Any of those outcomes is preferable to the awkwardly unaddressed issue.

[abbiedrake]

Well said, Kelly. As ever. Man, I get tired of giving kudos to the wise ones here.

[Bobbi46]

Kelly, well said I did actually say to Charles why did you say that to which he replied I only know you as Bob to which I replied I am still Bob, I still have my crazy sense of humour I am still me, I still like women the only difference is that I now dress like a woman. That is when Christine jumped in and told him off, he did back pedal a bit only by saying" oh" and looking down at the floor. What I intend to do is wait a couple of days and drop in on them which is what I have alwys done, I will be dressed of course because my dressing journey is reaping so many benefits now and there is more about my journey to come.
Carrying on from Christines parting comment "you must get an outfit to match the colour of your new car" I was able to just that this afternoon and bought a lovely summer dress in multi colour and predominantly blue style, that is what I will be wearing when I next go to see them, I will not be beaten by one narrow minded bigot, if on the next visit he still cannot get his stupid head round my new way of life then the friendship I have had will be his loss and not mine.
But I think after I left Christine may have a good go at him, I will soon see, and post when it has happened.

[Alice Torn]

We all have to accept the fact, th t some people will be very uncomfortable, with what is different. I would not call him bigot. Don't we all have times in our lives, when we are uncomfortable with someone or something? everyone has a different past, and upbringing. It is just th e reality in this world of difficulties and confusion, and sorrows, and differences, and we all are at different levels of education, and adapting to others . The serenity prayer is something those in recovery lean on much, and it is so true. Higher power, grant me the serenity to accept the people, places and things I cannot change. Courage to change this person i am, and the wisdom to know the difference. We cannot change anyone but ourselves, i have learned. I hope you will at least have a peaceful co existence with him.

[Bobbi46]

I have been friends with Charles and Christine for several years now as I mentioned in my thread he was told not to say what he did, at the door Christine saying I should get an outfit to coordinate with my car so I have Christine on my side I am hoping she will steer him round, towards the end of this week or over the weekend I will visit them dressed. I am too far down the road to turn back not that I want to anyway.

[Teresa]

Bobbi,
I hope it works out OK in the end but we can never know what nerve we have touched in others . Charles could even be a very closeted CDer himself which he may be struggling with but he has a problem which may or may not get sorted , I feel your appearance wasn't the whole story .

I know we talked privately about me having similar problems , perhaps it's sometime too strong to call them a bigot or AH , until we undertand the real reasons behind their problem . I have had some people reveal things that I'd never considered until I came out to them , maybe give Charles a little more space .

[docrobbysherry]

Bobbi, we all have to realize that people by nature r judgemental. And, many worry about what others think of them! That goes for trans, too!:doh:

A number of my trans friends will not associate with other T's that don't look, dress, etc. to their standards. And, that includes me. Because sometimes they've seen me in a mask!:eek:

[Bobbi46]

Doc your are right there judgemental is just what Charles is hopefully by the end of the weekend or early next week I will have made some sort of breakthrough with them.

[Teresa]

Bobbi,
I fear Sherry has opened up a can of worms here ! I must admit I've witnessed more judgemental situations within the TG community than in the RW .

I still feel Charles didn't fully engage his brain before putting his mouth in gear , it was more a knee jerk reaction but I still wonder where it came from , what's hidden from you ?

[Michaela Jane]

It's that kind of reaction that keeps me in the closet.

[Bobbi46]

Michaela, Charles is the only one amongst all of the folks here both expat and French that right now is not on board with me but as I said I hope to sort something out by the end of the weekend.
One person certainly is not going to stop me dressing and going out, I have got so far now, one person is not going to stop me reaching my umtimate goal. I have been nothing short of amazed at how readily people have taken to me having before known only the drab Bob and now faced with the dressed Bobbi.
Things like this drive one forward I think.

[Suzie Petersen]

Dear Bobbi,

Bobbi: One person certainly is not going to stop me dressing and going out, I have got so far now, one person is not going to stop me reaching my umtimate goal.
You know I love and support you, so please take this the right way.
Charles did not tell you to stop dressing and going out. All he did, was ask you to not come to his home dressed. HIS home!
What ever his reason was for his reaction, I think that is a resonable request to make. It is his home, his sanctuary. It is resonable for him to chose what he has to face there.
I understand you are disapointed and a little upset by this, but I dont think you will gain anything by attempting to force your friend to accept your chosen lifestyle. He has a choice in the matter too, and he certainly has a right to ask you to not come to his home dressed.
If you asked me, and I absolutely know you have not, I would suggest you wait a week or two to give him a chance to think and let the matter settle in his mind. Then go visit again, but not dressed! He was obviously uncomfortable with you dressed, but ha has liked you as a male friend intil now. Give him a chance to see you again and talk to you in the form which he is accustomed to and with which he recognices you as his old friend. Let the subject come up naturally without forcing it, maybe dont even bring it up on this next visit if he doesn't. Let him see that your friendship is most important to you.
You know by now that the surprice "take it or leave it" approach was not well received, so maybe give him a chance in a more gentle manner.
Burning a bridge takes only one match .... building a new one takes a lot of effort.

Hugs
Suzie

[Mary Lawrence]

Congratulations, Bobbi! You have won over Christine as a advocate and your ally. She suggested you buy a new dress and I know you did, but how about taking advantage of the situation and asking Christine to help you find exactly the right dress? Maybe you can strengthen the relationship with her and turn a cloud into sunshine. Just a thought. She might love the opportunity to become your mentor. Personally, I would love that and am envious of those cders who have such gg mentors.

[Crissy 107]

Bobbi, I think Suzie Petersen has made some good points to think about. You have certainly made great progress but you were bound to hit a bump in the road and it’s name is Charles. I really think this can and will be overcome, take some time and look at it from all angles.

[Rochal Tukque]

It’s funny how that works. It’s funny how people work! The ones that I thought would be most understanding were not and many of the ones I thought for sure would be gone forever have been the “Its no big deal friends”

[kayegirl]

Bobbi, I do think that Suze makes a very valid point. This last weekend we visited and stayed with our best friends. This couple were the first of my friends that I came out to, something like 10 years ago now. Whilst both are supportive, I would not visit en femme, unless asked to do so.
On another point, I have looked at several properties in France, even got very close to purchasing, in each and every case I have been put off by the ex pats, and their "must create a corner of Britain" attitude.

[abbiedrake]

I couldn't disagree more strongly with Suzie.

Losing a friendship is a nuclear option, sure. But some things are too important.

So if the friendship dies, let's say Charles digs his heels in with Christine, just imagine the words he'll have to speak to justify his position. Bobbi can say 'Sadly a man I thought was a friend just can't accept this important part of who I am'. Charles? 'Our friendship is over cos Bob is not the man I thought'. And that's the best scenario he could use! Screw Charles. To accede to his wishes would be to endorse his bigotry.

If Bobbi had been gay and Charles had said 'Well don't bring your bf to MY house'. Would that have been fine also? Nah.

Either he comes to his senses or Bobbi, I suggest either continuing and even strengthening your relationship with Christine, as Mary suggests, or cut ties with both.

At the end of the day life's far too short for either of you to waste the other's time.

And Kayegirl, I agree about expats. In fact I'd go as fact as to say that Charles' small-mindedness might not be disconnected from his being an expat. Too many of them have very entrenched attitudes. Others like my wife fully assimilate. This IMHO is how expatriotism should be.

[Helen_Highwater]

Bobbi,

Reading yoyr post I was left wondering where Chas's words came from. He's seen you dressed before and it seems the only difference is you've explained why you dress and that you're not Gay, separating gender from sexuality.

It's perhaps been the case that he's always been uncomfortable with your dressing but never been in the position to express his thoughts whereas his wife has no such issues.

It'd been good to be a fly on the wall in that house after you'd left! I suspect words may have been said.

You're right to carry on visiting, Christine is your friend and you shouldn't loose that friendship because of a fuddy duddy old fart of an English man. Also given time it might help Chas realise the stupidity and let's face it, outright rudeness, of his remarks. Who knows, an apology may even be forthcoming?

[Alice Torn]

Susze makes good sense, i think. We cannot force friends to accept everything or agree with us on everything. I have made that mistake. Petty soon, i have very few close friends. WE have to accept that people, even close friends will not like everything about us, or always agree. Humans will always let us down sometimes. It is the human condition, sadly. And we all do it at times. no one is perfect, in this difficult temporary life.

[abbiedrake]

Alice, to clarify my somewhat strident post earlier I would never advocate destroying a friendship over a difference of opinion. On the contrary, I have very close relationships with people that I have pretty strong differences with.

However, none has ever told me not to come to their house over it. Some issues are too fundamental to who we are to be shelved as a simple difference of opinion.

Freedom of speech and opinion, and the sovereignty of ones5home are all important, and rights I would defend ferociously. But Bobbi has a right to her human dignity, a right that is abrogated by Chuck's bigotry.

Any friend who makes ultimata over differences of opinion, large or small, is not much of a friend. And this being a VERY large part of Bobbi's human identity I believe it would be the greater of two evils to accede to Chuck's demand.

But hey that's me. Bobbi will indubitably make the right call for herself.

[Bobbi46]

Thank you all good advice all round, I have decided to let the dust settle for a little while before I visit again, it will give Charles perhaps some time to reevaluate what he said to me. It is more than just a little bit but Christine was quiet vehement to Charles in what he said to me so given time there should,I hope be some leeway with Charles. Certainly I am not gpoing to cast them adrift like throwing salt over ones shoulder but now on the verge of dressing 24/7 I think I could find myself feeling uncomfortable having to be in drab knowing it is against my inner feelings.
But sure I need to tread carefully with Charles.

- - - Updated - - -

Udate
This afternoon I visited Charles and Christine mainly Christine and had a lovely chat with her it transpires that in fact she is not now totally on side with this and after thinking about it all although i was the one to offer it she was pleased that I am respecting their wishes in that when I visit them sadly I will have to be in drab. but that will be a small price to pay and rather that than to sacrifice a few years of friendship over dressing. A bit of a ballancing act and whereas they respect what i am doing with my life I too have to respect theirs which has resulted in this very nice and amicable result.
So I am well pleased they are more at ease and I think things can move forward now as normal.

[abbiedrake]

I'm glad you are OK with the situation, Bobbi.

Personally though I think it's a high price for their continued friendship. A friendship, Incidentally, that will frequently be coloured by them knowing and having seen Bobbi. You think Charles WON'T be shuddering, remembering you dressed?

As you progress to 24/7 dressing what are you gonna do? You're out doing your stuff then you have to change to visit them. Or hastily 'Bob up' cos they're popping over? Which is another point. They'll expect you to be Bob should they come to your place. That's so not right, but I guarantee that's the expectation. Assuming of course that they visit you. I can't help thinking things are a little one-sided.

I say all this purely as a matter of concern and love for a friend. I've appreciated your words to me in the 9 months I've been here. I hope you read no disrespect of your decision in the above. None is intended.

And so back to my original sentiment. I hope things work out well, my friend.

[Teresa]

Bobbi ,
It's possibly time to step back and give them both a little space , Suzie Perterson does raise a valid point that it's their home and their rules . I know it's a very small communty so they will be aware of you coming and going as Bobbi , so meeting them on neutral territory has to be on your terms but the more you're out the more you will feel comfortable as Bobbi , they will pick up on that . Floating back and forth gets harder or that is how I find it and making too many exceptions could undermine your confidence eventually , it does become a case of you win some and loose some but your are really finding Bobbi now so keep going .

[Bobbi46]

Suzie indeed raised a VERY valid point indeed, friendships over here are quite different to friendships in ones mother country. In ones original country one could take the view of " I am a committed full time dresser and if my lifestyle is too much for you to handle, so be it" and one could drop that friendship out of the window and move on, over here we expats are few and far between, solid friendships are cherished and kept. Losing the friendship of a couple here, one is then short of a good friendship with little if any chance of finding and nurturing a new friendship.
Taking this into account I took on board Suzie's advice, visited Charles and Christine and in fact discovered that contrary to the initial conversation Christine too was disturbed by events. They have helped me hugely in the past, they take me out to lunch and things and we get on well so I told Christine that I would heed their wishes and not be dressed in front of them in their house,a small price to pay in a way but but one which keeps my friendship with them alive and on a firm footing.Also they are here for a such a short time and the need to be in drab maybe for only three times through out there 6 months stay here in France.
Sure it will be hard to be in drab seeing as I am so close to full time dressing but something which I think has to be.

[Carole]

Well done Bobbi for displaying that great British attribute - Compromise. Whilst you have respected your friends' right to how people are expected to behave etc in their home, they too would appear to respect your right to dress as you wish outside of their home. As you say it is only for a couple of occasions during their stay in the village; those of us not in transition inevitably do have to revert to male mode at times to appease the non-understanding people of this world.

[Suzie Petersen]

Dear Bobbi,

I am glad to hear the next visit went well. It was probably also good that you leaned about Christine's concerns at this point, instead of thinking that she was fully accepting already.
Give it time and they might come around. As it is often said here when people talk about coming out to a spouse or a friend, Go Slow and give them a chance to learn and understand at their own pace.
Life is about mutual respect, not about always getting things your way.

Same as with breaking this news to a spouse, you can help them learn by guiding them to reading material that is valuable and appropriate. As most people know, if they go do an internet search on their own, they might get a very wrong impression of this topic.
Maybe next time you see them, ask if it would be OK that you bring them some reading material.

Hugs
Suzie

[Micki_Finn]

Losing the friendship of a couple here, one is then short of a good friendship with little if any chance of finding and nurturing a new friendship.


If they can’t accept you for who you are, is it really a “good friendship”? Sounds more like “acquaintanceship”

[Helen_Highwater]

Bobbi,

Were you able to bottom out the nature of what was actually troubling to Chris and Chas? We can all be guilty of prejudging something, an irrational fear and the only quick analogy I can think of is when someone says;

" I don't like Chinese food"
"Have you tried Chinese food?"
"No"
"Here, try this"
"Oh that's nice!"

C & C could be under some illusion, some misinformation that leads them to find your life choices threatening. It could be religious and that's a difficult one to overcome. It could be they've read in some gutter press article transgender = pedophile or some other such nonsense. So understanding their position makes it easier to deal with this sort of situation should it arise in the future.

[Bobbi46]

It's not done and dusted as yet! although I ceded some ground to C&C I do have concerns about having done that,. 1) I am denying myself of being my true identity, 2) Most of the locals up in the village have seen, spoken to me and so forth, I feel, to appear at odd times in drab will send out mixed messages regarding my true identity, am I all femme or am I half and half. regarding the latter no way.
C&C are here till the end of September. I found out from Christine that Charles comes from a very conservative upbringing butI I think it goes deeper in that I now think he is totally inflexible add to this I think he has exerted his views on Christine and thus she is now is aligned with him.
I think this attitude towards me and our community is very blinkered.
In a way it begs the thought how accepting are they? very little it would it would seem now. In a way does it make me doubt the trueness of their friendship towards me? yes in that they are sort of forcing a position on me in able to keep the friendship going.
In hindsight I don't think this friendship can hang together completely I will have to wait and see but I what I am not going to do is curtail my dressing just to suit one/two people. My dressing means so much to me its been an incredible journey so far and not over by a long shot. What has happened with C&C is a slight blip and I may as yet lose them as friends as I say i will wait and see but I have to be ME.

[abbiedrake]

That they're only with you a short while longer is a good thing. But what happens 6 months further down the line when they come back for the next 6?

Like I said previously we wouldn't be having this conversation if you were gay and they'd prohibited your boyfriend in their home.

Can I ask, do you think that you were so taken aback by Christine's shift, rather than the one you anticipated from Charles, that you too readily agreed to their demands?

[Teresa]

Abbie,
I find women are more accepting initially but may have second thoughts , men on the whole make their choice and tend to stick to it .

Bobbi ,
It's more than an even bet that Christine has aligned with Charles , after alll she's married to him not you . I still have a nagging feeling that you have touched on a nerve with Charles .

I don't want to get into the MIAD debate but maybe you've witnessed first hand what a difference the inbetween state makes , if you're more comfortable with all or nothing situation then stick with it , as you say it's taken an incedible journey to achieve what you have so far .

[Bobbi46]

Possibly I was taken aback by Charle's first comment but thought that it could be got by but with the apparent turn round of Christines stance which incidentaly came after my offer to acquiesce in respect of their house, but now having had time to think about the whole thing I am steadily coming round to think to my self I cannot give in like this, if I do will there be more giving in's? and if so where will it all end.
It is beginning to fly against my deepest thoughts and beliefs so at some point I will formulate a responce and when I do which no doubt will be a visit to their house I will be dressed.
As I mentioned early the more I think about it all the more I think I cannot go half and half just please a couple of part time holiday visitors. Somehow I will have to make them see it from my point of view and how their request/demand is actually going against my beliefs and needs in life.

[Teresa]

Bobbi,
Maybe concentrate on others living full time in your community and make sure they are on your side , full acceptance from the whole community will work in your favour when you meet up with C & C again but don't change your outlook , still be you despite what has happened .

[Suzie Petersen]

Dear Bobbi,
I agree with Teresa, if everybody else in the community accepts you, Charles and Christine may come around too sooner or later.
I still think it is a bad idea to go to their home dressed when you have been asked not to. It would be disrespectful and I frankly dont think that will help your cause at all.
Hugs
Suzie

[Bobbi46]

Suzie once again you are right oh dear another drab day to come, that will be hard for me but yes in retrospect the right way to go of course.

[Rachel05]

I am guessing that maybe I am seriously biased on this subject but it never ceases to amaze me how some people see cross dressing as the worst thing in the world, after all it really is only clothes, you hurt non one, in my case it is zero to do with sexuality, I simply enjoy the relaxed feeling of being dressed in clothes that society see as being for the female form, but like I say, I may be biased :-)

When I told one of my very close female friends, I was not sure what to expect, we had both shared some very tough times personally and had been there for each other, one day I decided I wanted to share it with her and came out with it when we were alone, her response was perfect, so supportive and she was just brilliant, she has never said anything remotely bad and she has asked questions about me and how I go about my dressing, she has never seen me dressed yet though

I think if your friends are good friends then they will come around in time and if they don't then maybe they weren't the best of friends anyway, I hope that he comes around for you and it sounds like the wife will do what she can to smooth the way

It will be good to see how this develops and thanks for sharing

[Bobbi46]

Rachel, As things stand right now it would seem that Christine has done a turn about! on the dayIi told them both and she rebuked Charles a subsequent visit seems to be that she now does not want me there dressed, I think she has been brow beaten by Charles from being an accepting person to one possibly told to toe the line and ally her views with those of her husband.
Either way although it is there house and so forth I do think they are both being stork like in their stance on all of this. As you so rightly put nobody is being hurt so what on earth is the harm in dressing and being oneself especially if the reasons for dressing are deep rooted.

[Bobbi46]

Update, what a result!
Although I have not said anything further to them I now feel I can write Charles off good and proper and realise he was not the friend I thought he was, yesterday at coffee in town Christine arrived first and said hello well enough I was soon joined by Paul and Dianne and they were great as always. As for Charles his attitude to me was bordering on sheer dislike. Normally he gives me a friendly smile and hand shake on greeting, this time round none of that plus he could hardly look at me and speak to me.
I do feel that he is deep down quite homophobic and from now I will avoid him but he will not drive me away from my brasserie that's for sure!

[Crissy 107]

Bobbi, As I was reading your post from today I was thinking Charles may be homophobic and of course you also mentioned it. I would just ignore him at this point, he is no longer a friend. You are doing so well in your hamlet you cannot let him put a damper on things and I know you won’t.