Possibly going to therapy soon. Any advice

[Pixie_94]

The title says it all, but long story short for anyone who doesn't know me. I have self-esteem and self-acceptance issues, especially about what has brought all of us to this forum.

I don't want to repeat myself much about the things that brought me to be so fed up that I unironically consider therapy. I can simply say that I might finally have some funds.

For any details, check my previous emo/edgy threads.

I hope you have a nice day!

[docrobbysherry]

Yeah. If don't feel like u can tell your therapist anything and everything? U need another counselor!:doh:

[Pixie_94]

Yeah. If don't feel like u can tell your therapist anything and everything? U need another counselor!:doh:

I'm sometimes so fed up that I don't know if I will be able to tell everything without any shame or by the contrary, too ashamed to even say anything, but I have been doing my research, avoiding anyone who has reiki or stuff like that in their services.

[Tracii G]

Welcome to the real world things aren't easy for anyone.
Life can be hard and not what you thought it would or should be but you just have to learn to deal with it.
What I found out about EMO kids back in the day was they thought their life was so hard even the emo kids of wealthy parents.
EMO might have been edgy 20 years ago.

[Pixie_94]

Welcome to the real world things aren't easy for anyone.
Life can be hard and not what you thought it would or should be but you just have to learn to deal with it.
What I found out about EMO kids back in the day was they thought their life was so hard even the emo kids of wealthy parents.
EMO might have been edgy 20 years ago.

I know, I referenced my previous threads as such in an ironic way.

I was actually asking for advice for when I can go to therapy, like if I should be honest from the beginning, tell things little by little or what exactly.

[Tracii G]

What is wrong with reiki ?
It seems to work for some to relieve stress for some.
I do Tai Chi and that works for me.

- - - Updated - - -

Just be totally up front and honest if you really want help.
Not telling some of it seems like you don't really want help.

[Micki_Finn]

Not a lot of advice to give really. You can only get out of it what you put into it, so be open and honest. You have no better opportunity to open up than with someone than you will with someone who is legally bound to keep your secrets.

[Pixie_94]

What is wrong with reiki ?
It seems to work for some to relieve stress for some.
I do Tai Chi and that works for me.

I have heard that very often the places where it's listed as a service, are either not so serious or effective. And someone I know has tried to convince me about some so called "energies" that cannot be detected nor measured, so I'm sticking to things I can be sure of.

[Tracii G]

Micki is right.
Might as well tell it all to your therapist so they can help you.

Your Chi is very real so read up on that. Any one can claim what they want about so called energies but knowing what you can achieve thru your own chi is a solid thing you will know when you learn.
No need to try impress anyone with claims just use it for yourself.
My master that I studied under was very low key and taught us how to use our chi not flashy claims at tournaments just use it when you needed to.

[kimdl93]

Be open minded in your conversations with your therapist. Talk frankly, yes, and be open to suggestions. Also, don’t go into therapy expecting easy and quick results. A lot of the benefit will come from practicing between your sessions, those things your therapist suggests.

[Tracii G]

Once you get your inner being figured out and all is right with your emotions delve into your chi and learn how to harness it. You will be glad you did.

Kim is right with her advice.
No quick easy answers and you have to put in effort too.

[Pixie_94]

Be open minded in your conversations with your therapist. Talk frankly, yes, and be open to suggestions. Also, don’t go into therapy expecting easy and quick results. A lot of the benefit will come from practicing between your sessions, those things your therapist suggests.

Then seems like I'll try to save up a bit more, for any other sessions. I originally thought of only a few, but thank you for the reminder.

[giuseppina]

Hello Pixie

From what I see in this thread, there are two requirements that come to mind:

1. A Qualified, licensed and regulated mental health practitioner (social worker, psychiatrist, psychologist). A psychiatrist can prescribe medication if deemed necessary; the other two cannot where I live. Membership in a professional regulatory body eg. College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario, College of Social Workers of Ontario, or the like, is a starting point.

2. A competent therapist will not judge, have an axe to grind, etc. If you feel judged or otherwise unable to open up to the therapist, it's time to find another. If you feel up to it, mentioning the crossdressing is a good way to screen out judgement.

The issues you mention in your OP are generally classified as mood disorders, those being anxiety, anger management, self-esteem, and unipolar depression. I don't know if not accepting yourself as you are is included, but it can certainly create issues with the four I listed.

A book recommended to my by my psychiatrist is 10 days to self esteem by Dr David Burns. Dr. Burns is or was a psychiatry professor at Stanford. While the title is a bit optimistic, this book is easy to read and should be on the shelf at any large bookstore. When I bought mine, it was about Can$25.

Solving these issues is generally hastened by some form of talk therapy; the patient often isn't able to deal with these issues on their own.

Please book an appointment with your primary care physician with all possible speed if you have thoughts of harming yourself or others.

[SaraLin]

I'm sometimes so fed up that I don't know if I will be able to tell everything without any shame or by the contrary, too ashamed to even say anything, but I have been doing my research, avoiding anyone who has reiki or stuff like that in their services.

Pixie,
Trying to use Reiki to work on emotional or mental problems is sort of like trying to use a knife to remove a screw. It's not the best tool for the job - and may (or may not) work.
A counsellor is a MUCH better tool for the job and you're more likely to get better results.

Now that I've said that - let's keep the tool analogy going. A tool works best when it's used properly. In the case of counseling, you're going to need to actually bring up - and TALK about the things that are bothering you (actually USE the tool).

A few other thoughts:

Remember that the counselor isn't a mind reader, and trying to make them play guessing games to figure out what is really bothering you is a waste of time for both of you - and a waste of your money as well.

Don't worry about upsetting or shocking the counselor. They're not there to be your friend, and they've probably heard much worse than anything you've got to say.

And finally - if you don't feel you're getting the right kind of help - remember You're the boss and can "fire them" whenever you want. Falling back to the tool analogy - not every wrench fits every nut. Find the right one and the job gets done right.

good luck, and may you find peace.

SaraLin

[Ressie]

Reading self help books is better if you don't have a way to pay a professional IMO. Also, whenever someone says "the title says it all" I have to disagree. Titles don't answer: when, where, why, how etc.

[Stephanie47]

The only advice I have is to get it all out in the open. Don't beat around the bush. If you don't you're going to waste your money and the therapist's time. Reading your prior threads your issues are self acceptance and lack of esteem. My personal experience with self acceptance and lack of esteem was cross dressing was contrary to religious upbringing and the world view of what men are suppose to do and not do. If you find the therapist is not qualified in gender issues drop the therapist.

[Aunt Kelly]

As several have already said, be open and honest. You're paying handsomely to have a professional understand your issues and, hopefully, provide effective solutions. If you withhold, you are cheating yourself.

[April Rose]

Your first interview with a therapist should be an interview OF the therapist. I know you will be anxious, but it is important to you (it's your money, after all) that you get an idea of whether or not they have experience with gender issues, their attitudes in that area and their approach to therapy.

Don't forget that you will be investing time, treasure, and turmoil on this process and you don't want it to be wasted with someone who is not going to ultimately help you.

Don't be afraid to write out your questions for the therapist in advance, in case you are feeling too vulnerable in the first session to remember what you wanted to ask. I would put a statement about your crossdressing on the list as well, just to make sure you get it out there.

Your results may vary, but you'll save a lot of time if you don't beat around the bush. And therapy time is money.

[Pixie_94]

Okay, thank you everyone who took their time replying this!

I'm keeping track of anything new to the topic that anyone commented and I didn't think of writing my questions down just in case, but seems like a good idea. Also, seems like I'll need some coffee before the first session, I don't want to get lethargic or something in the middle of it.

[JennniferMcC]

Be honest. You wouldn't go to a doctor and tell her SOME of your symptoms. Don't hold anything back, especially for issues of embarrassment of all things. That's precisely WHY they are sitting with you. Best of luck!

[docrobbysherry]

If u can't or won't open up to your counselor? U should skip it! You'll be wasting your money and they're time.

I've had a number of good ones. If they don't think they r helping u they'll send u home!:thumbsdn:

[Palaina Nocturnus]

Hello Pixie,

When I was still trying to save my marriage I voluntarily went thru drug rehab, couples counseling, a psychiatrist, a psychologist, a personal counselor and a therapist. I literally went to each one and bared my heart soul and scars. I went to NA and AA to further not only my sobriety but my mental health.

The first step was bare bones honesty, I held NOTHING back. The second step was continuity, I went as frequently as possible. The third was application, every bit of advice and/or assignment I was given I went with it blindly. At first I tried pharmaceutical medication but I abruptly stopped taking any pill in any form. I medicate using marijuana and yes I'm a legal patient.

Yes, there were professionals that acted like the opposite and I had to search to find the right ones. Finding the right one has everything to do with your comfort, not theirs.

I openly advocate for using mental health facilities and their staff to better ones self. But it's all about you. None of us are in your body, despite having similar tastes and experiences, so what worked for me may not work for you.

That's my 2 cents, I hope you spend it well and have an awesome day, luv!!!!!!!

[Sometimes Steffi]

I'm one of the lucky girls who go caught, rather than disclosing first. It was a very bumpy ride, and still is to some extend.

I went to several therapists.

The first one was a pastoral counselor (associated with the local church). My wife and I went together sometimes, and separately other times. I think the best result I got was that my wife understood that I was trying, and we learned better communications skills.

The second one was a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW). my result from her was to accept myself. It sounds simple, but it was really tough because I always thought CDing was perverted in some way. It also gave me the confidence to stand up to my wife, because I wasn't doing anything wrong. My new-found confidence allowed me to "ask permission" from my wife to go to the Keystone LGBT Conference.

The next therapist was kind of new age. But, after the first session, she encouraged me to come en femme. like I needed any convincing.

The last was a therapist who was truly trained in LGBT issues. I think that she might have been an L herself, My goal was to bring my wife from tolerance to acceptance. It failed. But I still go out on my own and attend a local T social group. And, I know that I tried.

As for you, be open. Do your homework! If the therapist says "Think about" or "what about", come back with an answer or at least be ready to discuss it.

Remember, a therapists office is a "judgement-free zone". Try yo fine one who is T aware. No sense in paying money to train her.

Lastly, be honest about her fee. I went to a lot of sessions. If you only have money saved up for three sessions, it probably won't be enough. See if she'll treat you on a sliding scale, based on your income.

[Robertacd]

I was "sent to" all kinds of therapists when I was young for obvious reasons.

The only thing I learned in therapy was how dangerous it was to be who I really am and how to hide it, even from my therapist.