Kinky sex thing or really just the tip of the iceberg....

[EmilyJade]

Been trying to figure this thing out with my wife for a few years now. Funds and life have almost completely stopped my xdressing.... It has become a bedroom kink for me, which is better then nothing at all, but I have this desire to be out in public having a girl's night with my wife. So to my topic: is this the natural progression for crossdressers? Typical wants and goals? I know there is not much typical about us (xdressers) but I never really wanted to venture out, till recently. My wife is so accepting that it makes it seem like no big deal... All in my head, I guess. Anyone know of any clubs near Milwaukee or Chicago?

[Rachelakld]

I've never done clubs, but I was dressed on a recent road trip (sight seeing and coffee stops). Wife felt judged, so I have to be in man mode when out with her.

[Helen_Highwater]

Emily,

It's hard to say that wanting to go out is an inevitable action for all CD'ers. Some will never get that urge, happy to stay within four walls. For others it seems as inevitable as day following night.

There's then the matter of what going out means. For you it seems to be at least initially going clubing. For others it's more about going out amongst all the muggles and doing all the things folks generally do but enfemme.

One alternative often recommended here is finding a social group. A opportunity to meet other CD'ers and simply chat. It can be a huge confidence builder plus the chance to make like minded friends. It's also a chance for your SO to participate and share in your adventure.

So have you ventured out at all? Any night time drives or walks in parks?

[Di]

Relax.
Everyone is different and goes at their own pace and like Helen said some just always stay a kink thing.
You have a supportive wife ....others here would think that’s hitting the jackpot.
Just be you and enjoy this together as a couple.

[Kim Philips]

The natural progression I feel is a good topic. I have a wife who is accepting and we've sort of compromised with "be Kim as long as the grass is cut and the cars all work and the roof don't leak" Other than than I'm free to be me. She is quite the weekend arts and crafts vendor, so it gives me time to do the laundry, dishes and clean house. It's a good trade off, I feel. Going "out" on the town is sort of reserved for meetup groups on the weekend evenings. It's a good balance, I feel.

[Teresa]

Emily ,
I look at is as a road we travel down , what you're experiencing now is part of that journey , some have to travel it alone and the lucky ones have a supportive wife/partner . A smililar comment could be made about them, some are prepared to share the road with you and some come to an abrupt halt sign .

I would suggest as Helen does that finding a social group may be the way to go , most if not all will welcome partners . I also feel Rachel makes a good point , she found out there was a problem and dealt with it . Amongst other things my wife said in no uncertain terms she wasn't a lebian , my reply to that was does it really matter what goes on in private if all parties are happy .

The bottom line is deciding what your CDing means to you , be honest with yourself and then talk it over with your wife . Maybe a word of warning wives can do a U turn so don't assume she is totally happy with the situation , suddenly entering a DADT situation is hard to deal with . There are many here who assumed too much and paid the price .

[Angela Marie]

It truly is different for everyone. For me going out and being accepted is important. I've gone to clubs in the past but i'm not too enamored of the heavy drinking and other activities. I'm not judging anyone; people are free to choose their own path but for me mingling with the general population is what I enjoy. My wife gives me great latitude; and as someone commented as long as all the work around the house is done i'm free to indulge.

[Kelly-o]

It's an urge that hit me a couple of times. I did a few drives and went to a bar/club event once. I would do more if I felt more passable. I am a little passable at least at a casual glance but most of the time I am satisfied keeping it in the home. Luckily I can dress as often as I want at home. The only part that makes me a little sad is we do not wear shoes in the house so I never get to wear gorgeous heels. :sad:

[Tracii G]

I have noticed when a CDer goes to the wanting to go out phase they assume a club or gay bar is the place to go.
Clubs serve alcohol and there are people under the influence so not always the best place to be on your first time out.
Maybe pick out a park or a mall or some safer place for your first time out. Just a thought but you do what you want.

[Helen Waite]

Emilyjade, check the "Places to go" forum, Julie has kept us well informed about Pinkfest Chicago coming up this month.

[Cheryl T]

For me it was certainly the road of progression.
I think though that I always had the desire to be in public and experience life as a woman. Even when I was scared, guilty and full of shame in the early years I had this need to have someone else know about it and share it with me. When later my wife found out and slowly became fully accepting it was always in my mind that I wanted to go out in public. I also needed to find others like myself so that I could talk to them and know their experiences as well as share mine.
Like Kim said, so long as the chores are done, the bills are paid and the house isn't falling down around us I'm free to be me. I'm now about 3/4 full time, we go out everywhere together and share everything related to this.
Life is good...

Is this how it goes for everyone? Most likely not. We are all different, situations are different so while I can say this is how it is for me I can't say how everyone feels.

[Micki_Finn]

The desire to go out isn’t an uncommon progression.

And I think Tracii totally nailed it with what she said. There are a lot of expectations that go along with being at a bar or club, plus it’s where people go to meet and be seen, so everyone is checking everyone else out. It’s not a place to “fly under the radar” if you’re not absolutely confident in your presentation. I suggest something low-key like a movie to start out. You’ll be out in public, but there are minimal interactions with other people, and everyone is there to watch something that isn’t you.

I’ve seen WAY too many CDs walk into the club/bar, then bail after 10 minutes because it’s notnwhat they are expecting. I get the impression that people think these bars/clubs are going to be full of other CDers, when the reality is that most nights in a typical club you’ll only see a couple. Some places do do a CD or trans night but in my experience, there are way too many creepy older guys looking to hit on trans/CD girls those nights.

[Tracy Irving]

is this the natural progression for crossdresser?

There is no one path that we all progress on where some are more enlightened and farther along than others, looking down on the rest, wanting the stragglers to be more like them.

You journey down your own path and find your sweet spot, find what makes you happy.

[Micki_Finn]

Yeah, don’t you hate it when people get judgmental?

[Teresa]

Micki,
I'm not sure if a cinema is a good first option , the guy who sat next to me had either fallen asleep or he was being over friendly but his knee found mine several times .

Tracy,
I can't see anyone looking down , all most of us are doing is passing on our own thoughts and experiences .

[Sallee]

Geting out t o me is important I dress to blend, slacks or jeans nice blouse, flats and then I'll hit the malls, parks for a walk or museum and movies I also go to clubs mostly gay clubs and seldom are there a bunch of CD's there. Often I am the only one. Sometimes I'll stay sometimes I'll just have a beer and leave. Last week I went to the Costco food court and as you may expect, no problem. I don't know if I was made or not but no problems or even funny looks that I saw and I was looking behend my dark glasses.
Just go out and enjoy yourself start slow with a park or a mall, dress down and before long you will be at the makeup counter in Macy's.
Have fun and mostly no one cares

[Micki_Finn]

Micki,
I'm not sure if a cinema is a good first option , the guy who sat next to me had either fallen asleep or he was being over friendly but his knee found mine several times .

Tracy,
I can't see anyone looking down , all most of us are doing is passing on our own thoughts and experiences .

Um, what the hell kind of movie theaters are you gong to and why didn’t you tell a manager you were being groped?

[Stephanie47]

I'd say leaving the safety of one's home is a natural progression for a cross dresser. On this forum there is an endless number of comments concerning getting all dolled up with nowhere to go. Just hiding behind the curtains. Quick stepping to the car and finishing the transformation using the rear view mirror. I think it is totally natural to want to leave the abode.

Decades ago I did the same thing. I went out at night for neighborhood drives. Then the drives were longer and out of the neighborhood. Then it progressed to getting out of the car for some made up reason; returning library books to the night return slot or mailing a letter. Then it was taking an evening stroll in a safe residential neighborhood.

There was a quest to interact with fellow humans. The only times I've done that is on Halloween....Happy X-Dressing Day. On several Halloween I dolled myself up 100%. I ventured into a grocery store or a doughnut shop and bought stuff. When my wife is out of town overnight to visit friends or relatives I will take those forays into the evening. I like to feel the breezes on my legs. But, those trips have become boring. However, those trips satisfied the urge to leave the confines of the home.

My recommendation for an outing (no pun intended) is to do some of the things a couple may do on any date night, but, do it on Halloween. If my wife was accepting and willing to go out, I'd go out to dinner and a movie and perhaps drinks afterwards. I'd go in a pretty dress and heels. My fantasy and I have to say it is a fantasy because my wife is not appreciative of x-dressing, would be to venture out as twins; wearing the same dress and heels and my wig matching her hair color. for me that would suffice as a costume for Halloween.

As to the bedroom "kink" you should be happy to have a wife who is not threatened by the "other woman in the bedroom" or has negative feelings of disgust for a pseudo lesbian relationship.

[Robertacd]

It has become a bedroom kink for me, which is better then nothing at all, but I have this desire to be out in public having a girl's night with my wife. So to my topic: is this the natural progression for crossdressers?

Yes, No, Maybe... Only you can determine how far you need to go. But if your wife is on board then what's stopping you?

[docrobbysherry]

I know 100's of T's that go out regularly, Emily. And, THERE IS NO NORMAL when SO's r involved! Anything u work out with your SO is ok!

Most T's I see at clubs and at events in Vegas do not bring SO's. Especially not to clubs! But, there r a few who bring their SO's everywhere with them!:)

How often T's go the movies, Denny's, the mall, or shopping with their SO's I have no clue! Because I'm not there!:heehee:

[Tracii G]

You are free to go anywhere and do anything you want while dressed don't limit yourself to night time and to some seedy night spot.
Be careful of things/people around you is all you can do. What they think of you well that could be anything.
You will be "read" thats a given but hold your head high and go about your business like a normal person.
You have just as much right to be wherever it is you are as the next person.

[GemmaK]

My recommendation for an outing (no pun intended) is to do some of the things a couple may do on any date night, but, do it on Halloween. If my wife was accepting and willing to go out, I'd go out to dinner and a movie and perhaps drinks afterwards. I'd go in a pretty dress and heels. My fantasy and I have to say it is a fantasy because my wife is not appreciative of x-dressing, would be to venture out as twins; wearing the same dress and heels and my wig matching her hair color. for me that would suffice as a costume for Halloween.

That is similar to what we do for NYE. "Fancy Dress" - in my case sometimes fancy dress or sometimes just goth style dressing. We usually go to a restaurant, sometimes with friends, and then to a bar and back to our place for a party. Previously one of our friends had complemented me by saying my dress was done to look good rather than just be a character. Last NYE she did my makeup. NYE is, up to now, the only opportunity I get to dress and go out.

[Aunt Kelly]

Depending on the size of your community, choice of venue may be important. Choose according to the likelihood of meeting someone you know, and your
tolerance for such a happening.
That said, if your town is big enough to have it's own "gayborhood", take your pick of venues. No one is going give you a second look. A gay bar is as safe as it gets. In fact, you will be conspicuously ignored by the patrons. To me that is just a bit unnerving. As one friend once complained, "They could at least whistle!"
As for progression, some do some don't. You needn't feel pressured either way.
Have fun!

[audreyinalbany]

while I agree that there is not necessarily a 'natural progression,' it does seem fairly common for crossdressing to start with things like garter belts and lingerie and move on to slinky dresses and forms and hip padding and wigs,and sometimes, as in my case, wanting to go out in the world and blend in with the genetic females out there just going around doing what they need to do..grocery shopping, doing to movies or the mall or whatever. My wife has noticed it and commented on it and I don't think yo need to feel terrible about it. Go out and enjoy yourself...go where you want to go and interact with people and have fun.

[BTWimRobin]

Hi Emily,

I wouldn't worry too much about it and just have fun with it. You have an accepting wife who is willing to participate. Enjoy the journey and see where it leads. For the record we are all different here and dressing means different things to different people. For me, there was a time when the thought of dressing held some level of eroticism. Since I started dressing it just plain feels right. I am finally getting to express my feminine side. There's nothing erotic about it.

Cheers,
Robin

Robin

[stephenie3756]

Stephanie47 - agree with your posting - I too did the long drive being dressed, getting out of the car for a quick event... I did venture out to a CVS on Halloween dressed to pick up more candy. My wife and I went to a co-workers halloween party one time. I went as her (nurse) and she went as me (factory worker). She did not know at the time about my crossdressing. In a DADT relationship now. I seeked out support groups to go and interact with other crossdressers, trans, etc. It was great to be dressed and in an evironment where one was not being judge. But going to those groups came to an end when I my wife moved up to our new location. Now it is business trips and looking for clubs (like Diva's in San Francisco) to visit.

[JulesLynne]

If you can make it, come to the Keystone conference in March in Harrisburg PA!!!

I’m a CD who came out to my wife a couple years ago. She’s accepting but like me, struggles to understand “why” I do this. Keystone was a huge help to both of us - we met so many great people and both of us had a great time. It’s a very safe and accepting place to venture out for the first time.

As to whether or not it’s normal to want to venture out... yes, I think it is. I’ve been struggling to understand why I do this and why Jules is such an important part of who I am. At first, I thought it was a bedroom kink. Then I kinda thought that underdressing was fun and exciting. Then I couldn’t help but wonder what a wig would be like, or what long nails would feel like, or what it would be like to have my own breastforms and walk outside in my heels. I now know those feelings and I love them!

My wife initially thought I was crazy wanting to go out while dressed. But she even admitted that at Keystone, she’d never seen me happier and she could tell that a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders.

Why do I dress? Who knows. But I do dress and I enjoy it, and I’m extremely fortunate that my wife is willing to stand by my side.

You’ve found a great resource in this forum so please keep in touch.
Jules

[Teresa]

Micki,
The film was a very boring one about Monet , I'll give the guy the benifit of the doubt and assume he fell asleep , besides the two ladies on my right were passing some amusing comments about the film , so I was enjoying their company .

[Jasmine Jones NZ]

I think dressing is like anything else, when you put a limit on it you start getting bored and desire more excitement therefore going out does become a natural progression.

Below is something I put on a Facebook page, hopefully to help someone take their first outings.

Going out is all about confidence and in most cases what others think especially if it’s someone you know. The trick I found was to build up the confidence along with the realisation that most people don’t care and those that do can be easily ignored. My other tip is not to go anywhere local to where you live or work nor places that you regularly go to as this will only add to your nerves.
To build up confidence the late night restaurants are great places to go or even going to a restaurant or bar just before closing on a quiet night. Last year when I first started going places dressed up my wife and I went to a bar on their quiet nights. We also walked around the nightlife streets of the CBD. We progressed to walking around these areas on Friday and Saturday nights when they were busier. For me it was about growing my confidence in situations that we could control. Now I’m confident enough to walk alone along a busy city street for a night out.
Options for shopping are small boutique stores and out of the way factory shops especially if you go as soon as they open. Staff are usually very accepting in smaller shops and tend to provide one on one service.
Quiet cafes are also a great places to go during the day.
The thing with businesses is that you are just another customer and the staff don’t care what you’re wearing as long as it is not obscene. They are going to pay the same respect and level of service to you as anyone else because they want your business and they don’t want bad publicity.
Another day time option is parks and reserves. Places where you can go and relax in public without anyone too close for comfort.
It’s like everything else in life, the more you do it the easier it becomes.
And do it with your wife. I had been going out for years before I told my wife but I kept away from busy areas and definitely didn’t go into bars etc. When we started going out she was confident and pushed me in a supportive way to go places that I hadn’t been before. When we are out she still checks that I’m ok with my surroundings.

Now for the disclaimer: This is just based on my experiences.

[Ressie]

Looks like the Chicago gurls aren't responding. They probably have so many place to go out dressed that they don't hang out here anymore. Boystown area of Chicago is known as a gay area and I'm sure there are many clubs that CDs, TGs go to. A few members have gone there and would know more about it. Haven't seen any of the posting lately. You could do a search for Milwaukee and Chicago. Also check "places to Go, Places to Meet" and "Upcoming Events".

Just across the big lake there's a gay bar that has TG weekend twice a year. Unfortunately, turn out hasn't been as good as it was a few years ago. There have been Chicago gurls showing up, some every year. The next TG weekend is in October. PM me if you want more info.