For those of you who are "out" to your significant other...what are your boundaries?

[nikkiwindsor]

For those of you who are "out" to your significant other...what are your boundaries in expressing your femininity? Do you set your boundaries or does your significant other? For example, my wife knows and is ok with my dressing up but she has boundaries. To give you an example. I've been trimming my arm hairs. She doesn't like this and has asked me to stop at this time. But, she's ok with me shaving my legs. Go figure. Fortunately, over time she's become more comfortable with me doing more and more feminine things with my body. So, there's hope that sometime soon I'll be trimming my arm hairs with abandon!

Nikki

[chrissy111]

My wife's only boundaries are no pictures on the internet.

[Samm]

My wife would prefer I didn't trim or shave anything. But she's ok with it because she knows how it makes me feel when I don't.
When I shave my legs and chest, and trim the hair down on my arms, I just feel so much better about myself. And it shows.
Which reminds me, I've got some plucking to do lol

[MysteryWoman]

The main ones are:
1. No dressing outside the home
2. No dressing in front of her (except allowed to wear lingerie for intimate times in bed)
3. No hidden stashes (allowed to intermingle my things with hers)
I'm fine with these.

[GretchenJ]

The boundaries are a continual work in progress and as of now communication is key to determining boundaries as new situations arise.

[Stephanie47]

That's a good question. However, being "out" does not really cover all situations. My wife and I are in a deep DADT marriage. She knows I like to dress in women's clothing. We do not discuss it at all. Nada! Nil! Zip! Her choice. On occasion she has found an article of clothing I failed to tuck away after a session while she was at work; a bra, a panty. She placed them on top of the dryer in the wash closet so nobody would find them. She would tell me, and, that was it. No comments. No snide remarks. Consequently, I think she has no idea as to the extent of my wardrobe. She will NOT open the doors to my armoire less she find a panty staring her in the face.

On a recent three day overnight trip I had failed to pack underpants. She offered me a pair of her Hane's white cotton briefs which I accepted. I wonder if we could have a discussion. I know I will never be able to dress in front of her. I now routinely wear Vanity Fair nylon brief; white or black. It sort of takes the edge off not being able to dress with any frequency as she has now fully retired.

I had to chuckle over the negotiation concerning body hair. My genetic makeup is such that I have never had any armpit hair. I do not have hair follicles on my thighs and calves. My shins are very sparse to non-existent. The only place I have any hair is my pubic area and my forearms. My wife's reaction to the lack of hair is "it's wasted on a guy!" Unless you're a cross dresser! The forearm hair does not bother me. On the occasions when I do venture outside the home I wear a long sleeve dress.

So, I am 'out' to my wife in the sense she knows, but, she does not know the extent. I am really interested to the extent the respondents dress in front of their wives. Is it sitting around in a skirt? Or full make up and wig and fully dressed?

[2B Natasha]

The boundaries are simple. They are the same for both her and I.

Do nothing to impact the revenue stream. Period. Otherwise. Dress as you like. Wear what you like. Go where you like. Take as many pictures as you like.

[CarlaWestin]

My wife finds a comfortable compartment with DADT.

That's fine with me because this is what I don't tell her:
-I shave everything
-I only wear panties
-I go out in public
-I share images and video with many

Other than that, I'm in male mode around her.

[~Joanne~]

I am fortunate, I have none. My SO honestly just wants me to be happy and I have yet to do anything that has bothered her to where she said something about it.

[Nastasha]

Boundaries? None really, she's just told me to always use my common sense, especially when shopping and in dressing rooms and don't ever act like over the top fake girly. She and I both agree that dressers or gg's that act overly feminine/girly do neither group any favors.
I shave under my arms daily and my legs and chest time to time, wear any and everything I want and we go shopping with and for each other all the time.

[Carolina]

Boundaries have been evolving over the years. Before ir was a DADT with the benefits of me getting female gifts on bdays and special occasions, but no dressing in front of her.
Last year we became empty nesters and Carolina’s needs seem to have surged significantly. I started therapy, laser on beard and chest, shaving legs and underarms, and near our holiday house going for mani pedis and facials together. When she is on a weekend trip abroad I can, and I do go out with other CDs after going to a make up salon specializing on CDs. I make it a point to tell her (I don’t want secrets) although she doesn’t want to know where I go or what I do.
Now I can dress in front of her as long as we are alone. No make up, jewelry or wig, and sometimes asks me to wear a polo on top of my dress or blouse to have dinner together. Lately I’m pushing boundaries a bit further and I’m managing jewelry, a bit of make up and a couple of times managed the whole thing including a wig (after and initial “aghhh!” Or “ewww”, she lets me be).
Problem is I’m hooked on Carolina, and last weekend (while my wife was abroad) I managed to go out during the day (daylight) with the make up specialist and another CD to a neighboring town walking among “muggles” and going into stores to buy make up or clothing. The feeling of being a woman among “normal” people is intoxicating. I’d love to go further (HRT, potentially FFS and the like) but there she may have a hard boundary. Last month I went to a specialist in FFS and my wife told me that if I plan any cosmetic surgery I might as well sign the divorce papers. That’s a big boundary...

[bridget thronton]

It is OK to dress at home and away from home city (she has even gone out with me dressed). The adult children know - but she does not want her family to know.

[NancySue]

My wife has no boundaries...within our house. Because of our smaller town, occupations, police, an accident, flat tire. conservative attitudes, etc., she’s not comfortable with my desire to going out. I totally agree, common sense, so when I want to go out, I suppress my desire in compromise. In the past, we’ve driven to out of town malls for movies, dinner or shopping. Last year while at the mall, we saw people we knew. It scared the *** out of us. Thank goodness, they didn’t see us. I totally understood her fears. I’m very happy with our relationship. I’m not sure either one of us will ever understand my needs, but her support, help and advice has brought us even closer.

[Danielle_cder]

My boundaries, hmm never really put them in to writing... but know them :)
-not in front of kids!
-if we have a night to ourselves, no wig no make up (too much for her) but everything else boobs hips whatever clothes
-don’t let the neighbors see if I go out (thank god for heavy tint on the cars)
That’s it

-D

[Laura28]

Small boundaries, she not comfortable seeing all done up. No issue seeing me dressed but no make up or wig. Loves me shaved all Over. Even loves for us to both were the nail polish on our toes. Doesn’t mind seeing pictures of me all made up with wig just not live. This has always confused me but I don’t push it.

[alwayshave]

If there are any boundaries, I probably set them. My wife does not like that I shave my chest. When I asked if I could make choices about her grooming habits, if she was going to set them for me, her objection went away.

[Alice_2014_B]

My wife is not a fan of seeing me fully dressed up in person.
She does, however, fully 100% support my en-fem stand-up.
She's seen me do stand-up as myself, but not dressed up.
We've been out a few times with me fully dolled up, one of which was for Halloween.

She has no problem with me just in heels and like my PJ bottoms and hoodie, generally on the back deck smoking and drinking.
Heels "in bed" is cool too.

She's alright with me shaving my legs and arms.

:)

[Elizabeth G]

When my wife first learned I was a crossdresser she wan't even sure she wanted to stay married. We have slowly been working on things for the last few years and now we are at the point where she still doesn't want to see me fully en femme but I can dress and wear jewelry at home but no makeup, forms or wig at this time. As I said though this is a work in progress so who knows where it will go.

[Micki_Finn]

We don’t really have boundaries, but I think we’ve reached a place where she knows everything I do/want to do and is ok with those, and knows I don’t want to go anywhere she’s uncomfortable. As to your SPECIFIC issue, what about bleaching? Would that be something she might be ok with, and would it even help?

[Teri Ray]

My wife has been wonderful about my dressing. I know that she does not want me to dress in our town outside our home. So far she has expressed that she does not want to see me in make up or a wig. My wife has been otherwise very supportive.

[GracieRose]

We don't have any strict "thou shalt not" boundaries. I recognize that she does not want anyone else to know about my "issues". I recognize that and understand why she feels that way. So I control my behavior to minimize the possibility of that happening. Note that I haven't eliminated that possibility, but I minimize the possibility as much as I can without completely stifling myself to reduce her concerns.
She is not happy when I go out, but she acknowledges how much it means to me, so she doesn't put up a big fuss when I do go out. She voices her concern, and always tells me to "be careful" as I head out. I don't go out nearly as often as I would like. I go to places at least 30 minutes away (via mostly expressway) to minimize the possibility of running into someone we know. She never goes out with me for fear that if we do run into someone we know, they would recognize me through her. Even 1000 miles away from home, she cannot relax for fear of running into someone that we know (It does happen, rarely, but always when I am in drab). I have all exposed parts shaved and my face is made up when I go out in order to blend better (and minimize recognition if/when I run into someone that knows me). She always asks if I saw anyone that I know while out. It has happened a few times, but they have not been close friends, and I act calm, and head the other direction as soon as I notice them. In those rare cases, I have not noticed any sign of recognition by anyone, or heard anything from any of them when I next encountered any of them.
Marriage involves compromise on many fronts between two people that work at loving each other (I believe that love is something that you do, not something that happens). This is just one of the areas that demands compromise from both of us. I try to not make her compromise too much and she does the same for me.

[KiraK]

Since this is very new to me as as well as my wife, our boundaries are pretty simple. She doesn't want to see it for any reason, in any form. She is doing her best to be supportive, but mostly that means simply not talking about it. She's still hurt about me not telling her right away, and she stills seems to have these "milestones", as I call them, that would dictate her feelings about all this. The really big ones are showing signs of homosexuality, losing interest in her in bed, or expressing gender dysphoria or sissy mannerisms. I'm good with that, and have reassured her, emphatically, that none of those apply to me, and never will. The next level of boundaries seems to be makeup and hair, as well as the desire to go out in public, even on Halloween. That one's trickier. I've played around with lipstick, an kind of like it, but makeup is another thing entirely. I look like a clown because I have no idea, beyond lipstick, what I'm doing, plus I still have a mustache and goatee, which are as a part of me as anything else and hard to part with. As for a wig, I have ordered one and it will be here next week, but I don't plan on showing it to her or letting her know I have it. I will be sticking to DADT on that one. Heck, I may not even like how I look in it. Another sign she is looking for is shaving hair off of my body, like arms, and legs. Chest hair is not a concern since I don't have any anyway, other than around the nipples and two stray hairs in the middle, which drives me nuts.Everything else besides that, she already accepts I'm doing, though she has no idea of the specifics. So far it's the basics of underwear, sleepwear, and lingerie, and at home only, though I have gone out of he house in panties on a few occasions. I've purchased a few dresses, some shorts, a yoga outfit (very comfortable, btw), and something that may seem weird to some, a ballet outfit with skirt and slippers (I've always had a a thing for dancers, especially my wife). So far, we're managing everything as well as can be expected, and perhaps with time she'll see how it won't affect our marriage. I won't let it. I love her too much.

[Jennifer2918]

Clearly in my relationship, she sets the boundaries.

I am able we wear panties as often as I like. I can also wear pantyhose, fishnets, or a body stocking as I choose. As long as we are going out of the area, I can were my girls jeans. But with her or in front of her, thats pretty much the limit.

She does let me go out 1 night a week, providing she doesn't have to work the next day, in the middle of the night. I leave the house wearing 'normal' clothes, but one out of the city, they come off to reveal my female attire. Upon returning home, back to 'normal' mode.

DADT to a point, but I don't want to push harder for fear of losing what I have. Will she ever change..... I'm not holding my breath.

[Lux]

No boundaries luckily. And if anything my wife will come home and say;”why aren’t you dressing today”.

The woman is a Saint to accept me and this fetish-o-mine!

[Robertacd]

Now that I have come out as Transgender the only boundaries I have are set by my own anxiety...

But back when I was out to my wife as "just a crossdresser" I kind of sorta set my own boundaries by paying attention to how my wife felt. I don't know about the rest of you but I am quite empathic and can pretty much tell how my wife feels regardless of how she says she feels. Anyway I do not recall my wife ever saying "You can't wear this here or that there", but I was ALWAYS respectful of her feelings and put her and our children first.

Having been TG all my life I was already hiding and had been hiding since before I met her so boundaries were never an issue.

In fact there were times ( and still are) that my wife is more comfortable with my dressing that I am.

[Rollermiss]

When I first came out to her she didn't want our girls to know. They were 2 at the time. but came out to them when they were 5. They are ten now and don't bat an eye at me now. Since I am transitioning.

Kelsey

[Kandi Robbins]

I am sure I am in the minority, but all boundaries are mine. I value the relationship too much to push things. That said, I am completely shaved, come and go as I wish and do pretty much whatever I want. Out dressed usually three days a week. But I make sure I contribute around the house and try as often as possible to go out when my wife is at work (our work schedules are not in sync). I still always prefer an evening at home (as myself) with my wife to an evening out dressed.

[ChelsiR]

No boundaries here for my wife. She does get annoyed when I shave my face, because I look 10 years younger lol, but she knows I have to in order to come out.

[Chelsea B]

My wife and I reached a point, after 3 years of DADT, that all I need to do if I want to dress at home with her there, is let her know.
I had a number of times, leading up to that, but I find I prefer not to. I am trying to avoid putting it in her face, so it’s rare when I really need to.
Also, any sort of body modification is out. I have a beard and she agrees to let me shave it now and then.
I’m so happy and grateful for how hard SHE worked to accept my CDIng, and I am mindful to not take it for granted.

Chelsea

[Lacey86]

Boundaries have evolved over the years. I used to dress in front of her. She helped with makeup even. More recently it's been no dressing at all.
She recently told me if I need to dress I should so I'm happy but she doesn't want it involved in sexy time at all.
I haven't dressed again but if I feel comfortable enough to do so I guess I'll be doing it on my own.
She has joked that if I do dress I would need her help because I have terrible fashion sense. I replied that I didn't think she'd be comfortable and she said it would really depend on the context.
I am trying to find good boundaries this time around since when we first did this I went from zero to a hundred in 2 seconds and she got overwhelmed and it damaged our relationship.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I am out to my wife to the extent that she knows I crossdress outside the house. She has never seen my clothing or shoe collection, with the exception of a stray bra or panty or two. She knows that I go to the Keystone Conference and she knows that I have enough clothes to fill two suitcases and a hanging bag, because that's what I typically take to Keystone.

My wife:
1. Does not want to see me dressed, or just wearing makeup.
2. Does not want to see any pictures of me dressed.
3. Does not want to see any of my clothes, either in my dresser, my closet or in the laundry.
4. Does not want to see any any of my makeup, wigs or jewelry.
5. Does not want me to leave the neighborhood dressed, nor return dressed.
6. Does not want me to tell our daughter or to let her find out through my carelessness.

My wife allows me to be out dressed two time a month, with "no rollover minutes" (but not to leave the house or the neighborhood dressed).

When I go out, she wants to know when I am leaving and when I am returning, but not what I'm doing, where I'm going or with who.



My wife and I are in a deep DADT marriage. She knows I like to dress in women's clothing. We do not discuss it at all. Nada! Nil! Zip! Her choice. On occasion she has found an article of clothing I failed to tuck away after a session while she was at work; a bra, a panty. She has no idea as to the extent of my wardrobe.


Me too! All of it!



My wife finds a comfortable compartment with DADT.

That's fine with me because this is what I don't tell her:
-I shave everything
-I only wear panties
-I go out in public
-I share images and video with many

Other than that, I'm in male mode around her.


Me too, again!

As any good lawyer knows, if it's not forbidden in the contract, it is automatically permitted.

I do some minimal shaving, mostly legs, chest and pits, because I don't think it will be obvious, and there's not much hair there to begin with. I don't shave my arms because I do have a lot of hair there, and it will be obvious. I don't pluck my eyebrows or have them threaded. My wife is a very visual person and would probably detect even a single plucked eyebrow hair

I sometimes underdress in panties, a girdle or shaper.

I usually dress in femme yoga pants and a femme top for yoga, but I overdress with male workout pants and top before I get home.

I go out in public dressed, either for a social group or shopping. I usually go shopping in male mode for femme clothes and makeup because it's much easier.

I guess everyone now knows that my wife won't let me get a part time job as a girl as a retail SA, working part time. Please, no more dumping on me. It wasn't originally an excluded behavior,but when I attempted it, it became a new boundary.

If you have any questions about this, please go to my profile and search for "recent started threads".

[TheHiddenMe]

We don't talk about it too much.

In the past, she has told me to "lie to me" (meaning her). So I do. I will sometimes go out dressed with the cover story I'm doing something else (like bike riding).

Over the past few months, she seems to be mellowing. I went out to lunch (a TG group lunch) last Saturday and told her I was going. She just asked when I got home whether I bought anything (no).

I told her I'm going to Pinkfest in Chicago, and she's ok with that. She would prefer I not go out locally, but she hasn't said I can't. She knew I went out in Cleveland while there for my triathlons.

I keep my girl clothes in our closet and she has bought me panties in the past as presents.

My boundaries is that I don't want to get caught out, but I also don't want to live life in fear. I have wanted to dress like a girl for 55 years, and as I'm not hurting anyone doing it, I am going to get out when I can.

[Judy-Somthing]

My wife's only boundaries are, don't do anything that has to do with cross-dressing.

[Cheryl T]

The only ones that we have are:
The family is not to know at this time.
No Hormones or implants.

Other than that there are none. I've been smooth all over for nearly 20 years, my ears doubled pierced for nearly as long.
Currently I'm growing my hair out so that I can forgoe my wigs, unless I feel like wearing one.

[Lea]

Her boundary is not to leave the house. We have gone out to Halloween events The main reason is if caught I would have loss my job.

[Joyce Swindell]

We really don't have any boundaries outside of cheating on one another.

[Vicky_Scot]

Always wondered when topics come up about boundaries. I wonder if the shoe was on the foot and you started having boundaries about what your s/o could do and wear.

I am sure they would be screaming blue murder if that was the case.

X x x

[Gillian Gigs]

For the most part any boundaries are the result of mutual agreement. I have never had a strong desire to go out, well one bucket list item is to go to a transformation service and do a day with an experienced CD'er, showing me the town. Boundaries have moved more in my favour through the years, that may be because I never pushed my luck in any areas. We have talked the whole issue several times, and she lets me know when it has been talked to death! I wear lingerie all the time, she accepts that I wear panties all the time, a camisole a lot and pantyhose as the colder weather comes on. I wear skirts around the house very often, but by agreement I don't go out in public with a skirt on, yet anything under my guy clothes is ok, as long as another person wouldn't see it. I have on occasions been asked to button up my shirt a bit as she can see some lace showing while we are out in public.

We have helped each other out while clothes shopping, making suggestions to help in selecting and choosing what looks good. In fact her favourite clothing store is one that I suggested she go to. Life is so much easier living in an environment with love and acceptance. I don't consider boundaries an issue!

PS: I shave, or trim all my body hair and she has never said anything about it. She did ask once about epilating my legs and if it hurt.

[Asew]

My wife's boundaries are based on not wanting it to negatively affect our children. Basically she doesn't want it to lead to bullying. But I can wear skirts like 90% of the time (around home, at work, etc).

[Teresa]

Nikki,
The male hair problem is so frustrating , some men have little or no body hair and yet they are't considered effeminate . Eventually your wife will be accustomed to it

It has come at a price but now I have no wife/partner to pass judgement , saying that I do have to totally shave everyday now I'm out full time but it's more than worth it .

The boundaries I'm living with now are concerned with my son and grandsons , I'm just being patient and biding my time .

[HannahB]

My wife's only boundaries are when at home, I can wear whatever I want; but when out in public I must always look and act like a lady. Most of the time we're together when I'm out in public. More than once she has stopped me at the door and made me change outfits. Can't complain though, looking back, I can see where she has saved me from more than one embarrassing situation.

[RADER]

My wife was OK with my dressing, However there where rules:
No Dressing out of the house.
No shaving of my legs or chest. That chest hair belong to her.
I was allowed to wear Baby Doll's to bed at night.
rader

[Pumped]

My wife's limits for me are pretty much the same as mine, so it is easy! Keeping the spending under control is about our only limit.

[Maria in heels]

My wife's only boundaries are that she won't go with me to a function .....

[Kelly-o]

We have a mutual understanding that it's just the two of us who know. This is mostly based on my comfort level. Although we have never discussed it I know she would not be comfortable with her parents knowing as they are pretty traditional. She would prefer it if I was dressed at all times when home and go out dressed too. She says all the time that she hates seeing me in "dumb jeans" and stuff. I am very happy with the current balance right now.

[Teresa1973]

Out to my Wife a whole 2 months! She loves sex with me dressed(I initially set that as a boundary, but she requests it, so...) She wants me to be me, does my toe nails, buys me panties/lingerie as surprises. It may change with time, but only boundaries now are that nothing affect the kids in any way.

[Vintage4sarah]

For some of us who have been dressing for a while, boundary setting is an ongoing process that works best with patience and compromise. From baby steps starting 20 years ago, through tears and some misunderstandings, we have evolved with a workable compromise that is acceptable. The biggest factor is that I need to remain supportive and caring husband and most of all a good father. I guess you can say that my "honey do" list gets immediate attention. The hardest thing for me is that my wife still does not want me to reveal my femme side to our adult daughter (even though she is extremely open minded).

In a nut shell my boundaries are basically:
- dressing at home when my wife is away,
- keeping my stash secure and hidden away,
- my wife still does not want to see Sarah,
- I can attend events like First Event and Fantasia Fair,
- I can go out in meet with T friends in safe places, but not drive.

[ashley_taylor]

My wife and I don't have "boundaries," per se; meaning she has never said I can't do something. She is supportive, or at least tries to be, and is doing her best to accept me for who I am.

If anything, my boundaries are set by the confines of work and society, and how we choose to present. We do have a couple of unspoken or self-imposed ones, like we're not telling our kids I'm transgender until later (medical/social transition or out of high school) - And yes, I'm sure they suspect, but haven't said anything - and I choose not wear more feminine attire out of the house.

Oddly though, I do have polish on my toenails at most times, shave my legs and body always, underdress (undies and cami/sports bra) everyday, and often wear light makeup in public, which are noticable. She also lets me fully dress when I want, though she'd rather not see pictures or have an in-person view. We haven't discussed me dressing in front of her after the kids are in bed, but I don't think she'd mind. (Not minding and being comfortable with it are different.) And I keep my clothes and undies in the closet and dresser next to my male attire and her clothing (she does share her clothes with me, and vice versa).

I think I have a very good situation.

[Mary Lawrence]

I have one boundary. Unfortunately, it is my wife's inability to accept the idea that the athletic man she married is a crossdresser. It offends her sensibilities about me, although she'd never object to any other married man doing it. So, to continue, I must deceive my wife, something that goes against my own sensibilities. The only times I can dress are when my wife is on a trip somewhere and that occurs only once or twice a year and is very unpredictable. I guess maybe that is good, as I would certainly spend a lot more on clothing were I in female mode more frequently. As it is now, I buy a few T shirts and jeans every 4-5 yrs, having no interest in male clothing.

[Paige Winslow]

I know a couple with a 50-mile rule. No cross-dressing with 50 miles of their hometown.

- - - Updated - - -

Did Michaelangelo put massive hair on the Statue of David? No ... !!!

[Paige Dehart]

Ours, don't lie and be reasonable with spending. I personally think $320.00 for a winter dress coat is excessive.

[jacques]

hello Nikki,
we have never really discussed boundaries - but I dress in private and I am sure my wife would tell me if embarrass her , so her boundaries are probably the limit of my bravery (i.e. don't scare the neighbours or children).
luv J

[Andrea Renea]

Dress on the weekends. Occasionally through the week. I'll go to the store or get gas.

Most of my time is spent as a male.

I keep body hair trimmed or shaved.

My wife has been out with me when we were out of town but not local.

Her number one rule is don't get caught by anyone we know.

Andrea

[Allison Chaynes]

1. Don't let the kids know anything about this. Same with family, although that bridge has been kind of crossed.

2. Don't go out in public, at least anywhere that anyone would recognize me.

3. Don't be TG, as she doesn't want a full time wife.

4. Don't do it all the time. She didn't marry a woman.

4. Don't go crazy spending money on this, or hoarding.

[sara66]

My wife doesn't want to see me dressed. So only dress when she is not around.
She would like my to only go out twice a year, but she is flexible.
Try not to spend too much money on women's clothes (also on anything else)
She will not buy me anything.
She would like my to keep it in check.
We can talk about my dressing, but not all the time, I try to only talk about it when relevant
Overall she is flexible on everything except seeing me dressed. To echo others, She married a man.
Sara

[Kay J]

Sara66 do we have the same wife ,but one thing no going out at all my wife has to many relatives on the police force!!!

[kayegirl]

My late wife set the boundaries that my darling second wife has continued. They are
1. Not in front of the kids, or grandchildren now.
2. Always present acceptable, nothing fetishism, or tarty.
3. Never with her clothes.
Other than that there are no real rules.

[Khea]

Luckily there seem to be no boundaries between me and my girlfriend. We have only been together for a half a year or so but when we startet our relationship, i wasn't really honest with myself about my desire to crossdress. About a month or two ago I started to talk about it with her and she was really open and cool about it. Because this is still so new to me, the fact that I can talk openly about it with her and experiment as I want to, makes things so much easier. And her support has made the struggle within so much easier.

So far there hasn't been put any boundaries on anything. I keep my fingers crossed that it will stay that way.

The funny thing is that she isn't really a woman who uses makeup, plucks eyebrows and stuff like that so she can't really give me any advice on my journey either.

So luckily I can meet likeminded people here 😊

[Janine cd]

She allows me to dress whenever she is not at home. She never really accepted my dressing, but she understands that it is something that I must do.

[Jasmine Jones NZ]

As some of you would have seen from my posts we go out together when I’m dressed up prior to which we get ready together. She doesn’t exactly like me shaving my whole body but understands it’s part of the process and as result she even helps me by shaving my back. Our number one rule is that we are both comfortable and if one of us isn’t then we pull back until we both are. Sometimes she won’t come out with me and other time it’s her idea to go out. So far she hasn’t been out with me during the day as that’s currently out of her comfort zone but I can’t wait until we go shopping together.

[BTWimRobin]

We call them guidelines....
- No public appearances
- No prancing or flaunting in front of her
- I can wear anything my wife would normally wear (that seriously limits my options)
- Leg shaving is okay
- If my wife doesn't comment either it's acceptable or she didn't notice

I don't normally dress in front of my wife. We don't talk about my dressing so I feel uncomfortable dressing when she's around.

[Cynthia T]

My S.O. likes hairy men, so I cannot shave my body. (that would be an undertaking!) I wear long sleeves and opaque hose, which takes care of it.
I also have to let her know I would like to dress. If Cynthia just makes an appearance, she sighs heavily. She also seems hostile to her, but that just may be the trope we have of me being her husband's mistress.

[Palaina Nocturnus]

My restrictions are don't dress fully around my kids or family. They already know I'm a CD lol..... no problem

[RedFourteen]

My wife grew up in a heavily conservative home and it has extended to our marriage. I think fear of what "could be" does more to keep her concerned about dressing than the actual dressing. We are basically DADT but I wish we could do some play in the bedroom but she has such disdain for it I would never feel comfortable with her in the room.

Its been complicated to say the least, very stressful, but I value my wife and love her very much.

[Gaz]

When I first told her about my crossdressing (before we were married) she had the typical societal concerns about me being gay, transgendered, or wanting to (more and more) live my life as a woman. I laid out what I was into at the time, and she sort of agreed that "okay, but no more than that" which was:


Underwear is, by and large, okay.
Heels are okay.
Nighties/PJs are okay.
Strictly private, keep it inside the house. (underdressing is okay as long as its invisible)

I assured her that I do not believe myself to be female, I don't wish to become a female, I don't wish to pretend to be female.

The feeling I sometimes get from her even after 15 years is that my crossdressing is still something she puts up with and fears rather than understands or supports, and were I to cross those original boundaries I wonder if she'd think something along the lines of "Well, now he's wearing a dress. Next it's going to be makeup. Then a wig. Then he's going to insist I call him by a female name, and after that he's getting breast implants and leaving me for a man."

Of course, the flip side of all that - my wife married me, a man, and not one of her girlfriends.

[Jennifer2918]

She sets the boundaries. She knows I like to dress, but to the extent she has no idea. She knows I wear panties, has been with me when they were purchased, but won't buy them for me. I have purchased leggings with her and have asked her opinion on panties and leggings and have gotten reasonable feed back (that won't fit because or that should be ok). Beyond that, it's only on me. I shop at thrift stores for clothes and she knows where they are kept; things are not hidden. My girl things budget is my small at best.

I get to go out very late at night, alone, and leave in guy mode, then change to girl mode. One time she said she wanted to go with me right as I was walking out the door, but as quickly as she said it, she changed her mind to just stay home.

[CayleeMarie]

I am free to wear anything I want at home... as long as it is not in front of the daughter and the granddaughters who live with us. Working in the yard has to be hybrid enough that it doesn't draw any attention and no large forms. Otherwise the rule for now is don't leave the house dressed. Admittedly that is becoming more and more difficult as I yearn for an outlet for my ever-growing wardrobe. The few times I have gotten out have been so exhilarating it was almost intoxicating!

[TracyT]

1. No bra in bed.
2. Don't get a boob job (I went to see a plastic surgeon before we met, to talk about facial feminization and boobs. I almost certainly wouldn't have done it anyway, but EH's objection settled it).
3. Be a boy sometimes, too.
And, most important: respect her preferences. In other words, when she asks me "Can you go in boy mode tonight please?" I will always say No Problem.

- - - Updated - - -


1. No bra in bed.
2. Don't get a boob job (I went to see a plastic surgeon before we met, to talk about facial feminization and boobs. I almost certainly wouldn't have done it anyway, but EH's objection settled it).
3. Be a boy sometimes, too.
And, most important: respect her preferences. In other words, when she asks me "Can you go in boy mode tonight please?" I will always say No Problem.

(In case it's not clear: we go out together as 2 girls regularly. She has no problem with it whatsoever as long as it's not in a situation where, for instance, her former in-laws might make an appearance.)

[luuv2dress]

The only real boundary set was not to let the child see me. and she'll (wife) will only see me if/when she's ready.
Other than that I set my own to be safe as I didn't want to overwhelm her with it all, because its all new to her and she's learning what its all about. She knows I go shopping time to time and have even ordered her things along with mine, she's been ok with it. She's asked if I have any stockings she can she use before, so I think its going well. I only dress when home alone and keep most of my things away in bins out of sight.

[RachelB.]

The only thing my wife has vetoed entirely is getting my ears pierced. When I commented about the lack of clip on earrings available she started converting them for me. She has made numerous pairs of earrings, necklaces and bracelets for me. I set most of our boundaries because I get insecure about my appearance. We go out dressed and she has pushed me to go further than I sometimes want. She does it to encourage me, not embarrass me.

[Tanya silk stocking]

Mine is along as the kids dont find out with is mine also

[Stacywright]

Found one yesterday we bought a new home with a pool. I wanted to buy a cute one piece floral bathing suit...she said that's wear I draw the line lol. Doesn't want to see that.

[Angela Marie]

My wife is generally supportive. She does not want the neighbors to see me going out. I respect her concerns and am very careful when I leave the house.

[WendyB]

Basically I need to keep it to myself. Most of the time I travel to Chicago and venture out. I call them "Wendy Weekends"...

[Davina Katherine]

My wife's main concern is that I'd get hurt, primarily emotionally (I've always been the "emotional girl" in our relationship) if someone insulted or harassed me.
So she keeps me from going out in public when I may not be ready.

And it is strictly platonic between her and Jessie Mae.

Other than that, she has no boundaries or limits on me. Especially now that our two adult daughters know.

We go out shopping (once en femme), and she helps me pick out undies and dresses. and makeup.

She seems to have no issue seeing me in makeup and wig, as this is a journey we are on together.

[nikkiwindsor]

My wife's boundaries shift with the seasons. Now that we're into the Fall and I'm wearing long sleeve dresses, she lets me closely clip my arms. Having nearly hairless arms is wonderful!

[Lindseynrva]

Current SA is full DADT. Past was wonderful. After an initial period of adjustment she would help me pick out clothes and lingerie. I took initiative to buy breast forms without discussing and one evening she came home and I had them in. She smiled, gave them a good looking over and checked for softness and then insisted I wear them all the time and even got me larger ones. It was a wonderful 4 years for this cross dresser.

I did reveal this to most women I dated and I found by and large they were accepting and as others commented were very into it in the bedroom too.

[Star01]

I have kept it to myself since the mid 80's but she will occasionally gift me some of her auction jewelry or slip comments like "I'll bet you would like to wear a dress" into the conversation. My approach to dressing is that I like to fully dress with wig, dress, underthings, shoes, wig, and makeup. She doesn't want to talk about it and she doesn't want to see me but I have a lot of freedom to go out by myself whenever I want. I have traveled by myself to auto races out of town and gotten a room and been invited to many get-togethers from my connections that serve as covers for a night out cd visiting friends. I have one particular cd friend I like to visit who loves to share some of the things that don't fit and dress together and compare notes so I am able to visit her often enough to keep me content. Now with winter, holidays, bad driving and all it's probably going to cut into my opportunities but this situation is much better than being isolated and unable to dress.

[Angie G]

The only boundaries she asks is I not shave my mustache. I keep my hair long she told me I should cut it. I told her if the hair go's the mustache go's she gave op on the hair cut. :hugs:
Angie

[NicoleRenee]

The only boundaries I have are to please tell her by giving her some time to adjust to dress and then go out dressed. If she is with me, we are stilla couple. And don't change my voice. She prefers if going out, I dress moderately.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Nikki :hugs:, My:love:Wife knows about everything but just don't want to see me while I am dressed,

I dress for three hours every Morning and a couple hours a couple Evenings a week.


We have a very workable DA/DT, I stay within my boundaries and life is great.


Some times she will borrow a top or a necklace 7 earrings. >>>Orchid .oO:daydreaming:Oo.

[Brenn]

My wife doesn't like seeing me fully dressed, but that is actually OK because after trying that for a while, I realized it wasn't for me. She lets me wear women's clothing--mostly gender neutral--such as shorts, jeans and panties. We go out all the time with me wearing jeans/shorts and ballet flats. It works.

[nikkiwindsor]

Just the other day, and every now and then, my wife gets angry with me and threatens to tell my family about my "feminine side." I just say go ahead or I'll say I'll make the call. She always backs off. Obviously, she doesn't embrace the woman within me but she nevertheless is ok with me expressing my femininity. Recently, I've been trimming my eyebrows and shaping them more. She hasn't bothered me about it.

[JocelynJames]

After contemplating this for sometime, I guess my boundaries are to let her know if anything( where I?m going with this) changes, no coming out to anyone without a discussion first and do not be more feminine or beautiful than she. Hasn?t been a problem in the 8 years since I came out to her

[OCCarly]

I?ve been on hormones for 3.5 years and recently had partial FFS (all the bone work done, but I still need to have my nose fixed).

My wife?s only limits are that I cannot have bottom surgery or voice feminization surgery. She is worried about complications particularly since I survived a post surgical infection after FFS. But she does want me to get my nose and breasts done. My goodness I love her so much. :-)

[Sarah Handy]

Can not go out in public I just told her so we are working on what I want to do see if she approves.

[Lacy PJs]

No real boundaries. She has things that she prefers I not wear but doesn't really say much of anything if I do. But since I only dress at home... and not all that often, there's no real concerns.

Lacy PJs

[MirandaCD]

To be honest, I could probably go full blown SRS, and she would be awesome with it.

[Andrea_cd]

My wifes boundries are simple
No panties on for sex
Kids never see me as Andrea
No going out in public

[michelle64]

No real boundries here...this really is not a s/o or wife issue...this is our issue...no need to dress around the kids or grandkids..makes no sense to me...on my end we both are fully in agreement on the myriad aspects of who i am and who she married...tomorrow is date night for us and she has already layed out our outfits...dinner, shopping , may be a movie....she trusts me and i trust her..may be trust is the problem for many wives or s/o in how far there other halves want to go...may be some gg's can chime in here...bottom line is i consider my wife first and go from there

[Angela Marie]

Michelle. Perfect. I could not have said it better myself.

[Arabella.Z]

I am just beginning to dip my toes into dressing. But I started with talking to my wife about it before really diving in. We dont have boundaries set. Just my own fears. She has been very understanding and accepting and helpful thus far. My kids are young yet and dont seem to mind my dressing. I have not gone hogwild with it either though.

[Bea_]

My wife and I have never really discussed specific boundaries. I was a late bloomer and started wearing panties in my mid-fifties. Unfortunately, my inclination to want to dress happened to surface about a year before Bruce Jenner transitioned to Kaytlin and all the media attention about his progression brought a massive amount of fear at the time. She had no reference in the matter other than Jenner at that point. The stories were about Bruce asking Kris for more and more until he became Kaytlin. So, any forward movement was in fits and starts. I actually understand her concerns, although Jenner has admitted to wishing her were a woman from a young age and I have NEVER wanted to be a woman. Still don't. She's come to understand that.

So boundaries, for me, have been to maintain a balance between being open and honest with and allowing her to deal with her fears of what it all meant. She bought my first panties for me. We shopped together and she bought a few tops and eventually SHE picked out my first sundress. She laughed when I tried it on, but I loved it and was pretty clear on the fact. So, even without clear boundaries, her comfort level has determined the expression of my tastes, even if the extent of my tastes were more guarded.

I've recently told her that I want her to do my makeup. As a man-in-a-dress with a full beard that we both like, it's hard to imagine a world that I'd fit in wearing makeup, even here on the forum, but I'd love to sit and watch her concentrate on doing applying it just right. For me, that would be the ultimate intimate moment of acceptance. She's acknowledged that it's fine that I'd like it, but she's not there yet. I think we're both comfortable with the status for now, but I'd love for her to make the move, now that I've expressed the desire.

Boundaries for us are just balancing each of our needs against the others. Sometimes I wish it'd go faster, sometimes she wishes it would slow down. But, we've recently hit a point of equalibrium where we are both content to just see what happens.

[Tracy Irving]

My wife does not want me to wear anything that she would (not in general, specific).

[Lucy Long Legs]

This is a great conversation. The boundaries have changed in our marriage. When we first got together, I explained my CD-ing and she accepted it totally and bought clothes, shoes, helped me with make up etc. She also understood my lack of masculinity in the bedroom and we had good times. Then one day she freaked out as I was looking particularly glamorous (or so I believed!) and said she felt undermined and worthless. I realised that things had to change so now its dadt. I go away to dress up, and have pushed my own boundaries and regularly go out on the town, but on my own which is very sad. I wish she would accompany me but I know that is now impossible.

[Karenawong]

No shaving arms and legs (below the knees). Luckily I don't have much hair on my arms. Going out at most once a month. No bringing or wearing CD stuff home. No sex with other CDs or guys.

[nikkiwindsor]

Tried again...asked my wife if she'd look at a picture of me dressed up...answer remains, not yet...ugh! What can I do? Eventually, I'd like her to share time with the feminine side of me...she's missing so much of who I am.

[SaraLin]

Tried again...asked my wife if she'd look at a picture of me dressed up...answer remains, not yet...ugh! What can I do?

umm-m-m How about saying "Well when you're ready, hon - they're right here in this envelope" and leave it in a easy spot go get to.
Maybe when you're not around, curiosity will get to her?

[Nic J]

We have two main boundaries, which i naturally respect:
1. She does not want me to wear a skirt in public.
2. She does not want her relatives or our work colleagues to know about my CDing.
However, any relationship is dynamic and i appreciate that things may change (for better or worse!) over time.

[crissy7]

Only a few rules that I agree completely with,no going out in public nearby,do nothing secretive,do nothing to embaress me or the family.Common sense.

[Lottalove]

GG here, I love these threads and the conversations it sparks in me and my husband. We are new to this and have had a lot of CD things occupying our conversations and time of late. Aside from no one in our circle knowing, he is very private, I have asked for transparency, no hiding purchases or interest in new things, and that female mode is planned. I don?t want to repress but I also don?t want to be surprised. As an aside we have 2 small children and get so little us time that I think it?s fair that I get my man when I?m unwinding at night. That?s not to say we haven?t planned same day dress-up evenings but just that they are communicated.

[sophia62]

i am fortunate i have no boundaries she is fully on board with sophia she just wants me to be happy
and i want the same for her x

[KlaireLarnia]

Mine are simple: No Bra in public. I don't wear skirts/dresses other than at work. I am limited to certain bags when out in public with my wife.
My daughter is a little less restrictive if it's just us two, in that I can wear a bra and my bag choice is a little more extensive.
At home I am free to wear anything I like.

[Aelyn]

My SO has been open to a lot, it has been really nice. I?m trying to learn her limits with all of it but so far she has offered to go out with me. If I was to go to a drag bar or something of the like I can do whatever I want really but when in other situations I would dress appropriately. We do not want anyone in our families to know so that?s another boundary set, I can trust her not to tell anyone about my secret.

[Manna]

I think in my life there is no boundaries and every one is free soul wear what yo want and feel free.

[nikkiwindsor]

My wife commented a couple days ago that I'm a woman and a man. That's how I feel...gender fluid. Also, I recently began shaving my arms and she hasn't said anything. Before, she would have gotten all upset. I'm hoping that she will truly feel comfortable in allowing me to remain hairless on my arms as I have been with my legs.

[Samm]

Nikki, I went from a B to a C with my forms. After wearing them 4 times, I had to physically put my wife's hands on them for her to notice. Lol
I've been shaving chest, arms, and legs for some time now. The hard part was her agreeing to let me try it. Once I started, she had no problem with me hairless. She preferred the hair, but knows it was having a negative effect on me, and realizes I'm much happier without it.
Like you, I'm more fluid. Or, an ever changing mixture of both, than one or the other.
Maybe your wife is getting used to you being hairless. Or as I refer to it as.... being groomed. Lol

[cdkateinboston]

I am beginning to learn the boundaries since I just told my SO and she was supportive. As someone who is trans, she understands what suppressing those feelings can do, except the difference is that I know I do not want to transition. I just enjoy feminine things

[Kay J]

I was in a dadt situation when i first told my wife she did let me wear pantys but no sexy one been about 5years now and can wear girls jeans and legging now just have to go real slow. Oh by the way she give me time every day in the morning before she gets up in the morning and alway text me when she is out and about when she is coming home!

[prettytoes]

The only thing my wife stated was that she did not want to see me in a dress or skirt. It seems strange to me, as I sleep in nightgowns and chemise's...some satin and lace...very feminine. I keep my toes painted, legs and armpits shaved, and I only own 1 or 2 pairs of male underwear for medical appointments. My collection of sports bras is quite large, and I usually wear capris, leggings (oh so comfortable!), or yoga pants around the house. I usually will only wear a skirt or dress when she is not home, or sleeping. I'm not hiding it, just being respectful.

[Georgia Rose]

It is somewhat unsaid in our household but as I'm very private about my dressing there are no big issues. I'm fortunate that except for my very thick head of hair I have very little body hair. My wife used to question why I was shaving my legs but I just said it was pretty obvious when putting on sheer stockings/pantyhose etc. Usually no great issues except don't wear any of her best clothes as we do swap around a bit and have a number of things we have bought together.