Underdressing

[Lisa-blue]

Hi all

As some of you know I?m in closet with my dressing and my wife does not like it or understands. I want to take baby steps so I would like to start undressing to start with as I love lingerie. Any suggestion on how to get the wife on board with this ?

Thanks

Lisa blue

[Micki_Finn]

Here’s the issue: in your very premise, you’re not respecting your wife’s feelings. The only way to “get her on board” is to talk to her and find out what she is comfortable with, and if there is some way to make her comfortable with the things she’s not. You can’t trick her into being ok with it and there is no argument logical enough to force her to change her mind. All you can do is talk to her or hide it from her. Good luck, tbh I don’t envy your position right now.

[Taylor186]

Agree with Miki.

Maybe you could get on board with "designer" men's briefs first. I often buy from Prevail Sports (http://www.prevailsport.com/) but there are several on-line retailers out there.

[Tracii G]

Start wearing guys bikini underwear.
Try different colors and styles.
If she doesn't like them she will say so and you are not breaking any "rules".
If she asks why the change in underwear say you wanted a change and leave it at that. Its not like you tell her what kind of underwear she can wear do you?

[NancySue]

Sorry. I, too agree with Micki. Since she already knows, have ?the talk? with your wife ASAP. You already have two strikes against you (doesn?t like it or understand). I don?t really understand it either, but as you already know...it?s here. I believe, many times, it?s the secrecy and dishonesty that are the real issues not the dressing. You?ve got a real challenge ahead. Hopefully, she?ll agree to some compromise...and maybe not. Good luck.

[Crissy 107]

I think Tracii has a good idea and with little to no downside.

[giuseppina]

I agree with Micki (#2).

I don't see any upside to what you propose, Lisa.

Since your DSW doesn't want to listen to you, maybe she will listen to a licensed and regulated mental health worker (psychiatrist, social worker, psychologist) or your primary care physician.

IMHO, the surprise or Ta-Da method is likely to provoke hard feelings if not a big fight with your DSW. Do you really want that?

[Paige Winslow]

This isn't exactly what you're asking about, but ... My job requires jeans. I cross-dress by wearing black women's size 12-short Lee's bootcut jeans matched with Clarks Alpine loafers size 10. Eight years, and nobody has ever said a thing. They compliment my shoes. Sometimes I admit wholely my ruse and say women's clothes are much better made than men's clothes. Men's jeans have huge deep pockets and material that doesn't stretch and give. As for panties, I wear Innersey that are stretchy and supportive. Again, better made than men's underwear. They fit great.
Ask HER to wear men's jeans, underwear and shoes for a day. They are clunky. She'll agree. Especially when she gets female skid marks. Never happens with proper panties.
Women's clothes are better made, fit better and look good. It's true. She can't disagree with that.

[Tracii G]

If you decide you are too scared to have the talk and figure you will just sneak around you will get caught eventually.
You buy your own panties chances are a pair will pop up somewhere in the laundry or in a bag in your car then what are you going to do?
Having the talk then will be far too late.
She will think you are cheating on her and that you have been lying to her for a long time.Lying to her is far worse a thing than you underdressing.

[Leonora]

Start wearing guys bikini underwear.
Try different colors and styles.
If she doesn't like them she will say so and you are not breaking any "rules".
If she asks why the change in underwear say you wanted a change and leave it at that. Its not like you tell her what kind of underwear she can wear do you?

I agree that how I got started.

[Kelly-o]

Gotta say as uncomfortable and scary as it may be a conversation with your wife is really your best option for long term happiness. Don't overwhelm her or anything. Maybe you have been doing it since you were young and it's always been part of your life or you are just curious and really want to try it whatever your situation is.

[chelyann]

listen to the advice , or start finding a place to live and a lawyer because that is where you are headed.. sorry to be blunt

[Tracy Irving]

The other day, my wife and I were in JCPenny's buying pants for our son. After we found some I followed her to the clearance panties bins. She would hold up a pair and ask if I liked it. I would hold up a pair and ask her to find it in my size. It was an enjoyable experience. She also knew she would get a nice lunch next. We both got what we wanted and went home happy, the way it should be.

[Stephanie47]

The potential problem with starting out with men's briefs/bikinis/etc in loud colors or silky fabrics is you may not be satisfied. Or your wife may say alright, and, you're locked into men's underwear anyway. When my wife and I had the talk and all I wanted was panties my wife did go out and buy me some silky men's boxers. It did not work for me. The boxers were still men's underwear.

Since your wife is opposed and does not understand cross dressing (welcome to the club), if you do suggest women's undergarments suggest something rather plain. No lace. No loud colors. No little bows. My panties of choices are Vanity Fair styles 15712 and 13109. I have dozens of colors and patterns. I also like style 13001, however, that style has lace inserts on the sides/hips. If she goes for something rather "granny" in style suggest black, white or neutral (beige/nude). Caressing some body parts covered in soft nylon has been known to be rather stimulating which your wife may enjoy!!!! If you get that far perhaps she will come on board. Good luck!

[BTWimRobin]

Have the talk and be upfront. Set up some ground rules and come to a compromise on what you can wear when she is around.

When I had the talk with my wife, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. We set up some parameters as to what she finds acceptable..... generally anything she would wear is fine, no public appearances while dressed, underdressing is fine, prancing and flaunting in front of her is not cool. Finally, my wife doesn't understand why women want to wear women's clothing, let alone her husband.

Good luck!

[Barbara Black]

I agree that the lying and secrecy are worse than the act of crossdressing itself in most cases, but having the talk and finding her restrictions should not be the end of the conversation, unless you agree that she should dictate your choices in clothing? You must have limits also?

[Judy-Somthing]

I tried quite a few times to get some acceptance of my dressing with the wife and the only time she let me was at Halloween Parties.

One time we went to a New Years Party and stayed at the Hotel after. I put her nightgown on and we had a wild time.
The next day I said "I can't believe you didn't mind me wearing your nightgown" she said "what are you talking about?"

I was so disappointed she was to drunk to even remember.

[jacques]

hello Lisa,
you could start by wearing men's socks, tee shirts and underwear in lighter fabrics and feminine colours
luv J

[char GG]

Here?s the issue: in your very premise, you?re not respecting your wife?s feelings. The only way to ?get her on board? is to talk to her and find out what she is comfortable with, and if there is some way to make her comfortable with the things she?s not. You can?t trick her into being ok with it and there is no argument logical enough to force her to change her mind. All you can do is talk to her or hide it from her. Good luck, tbh I don?t envy your position right now.

Micki has a good point. Communication is the only way to pave the path to understanding. You can't "get her on board" by magic.

[JenniferR771]

Micki is right. Compromise--negotiate.
Buy her something like new matching shoes and purse. And an accessory to match-Like a Toyota.

[Angie G]

Micki has your answer!:hugs:
Angie

[jacques]

hello Lisa-blue,
here is another suggestion - wear some women's versions of men's clothing (Tee-shirts; polo-necks..) but cut the labels out!
luv J

[Mermaiden]

I don?t think there is a one answer fits all here. You know your wife. what?s important to her, what forms of persuasion work for her, what should be avoided? Think back to other situations where you had differences and is there something to be learned that could help you now?