Coming out over chickens.

[Macey]

Herself and I went to pick up some new hens from a friend today ? me in my man disguise, and my wife as casual as she can be.

He's been a friend for years. Also, he's a Harley riding, truck driving farmer in conservative country born and raised. Also, he's a ren rat and a big nerd. Also, he's a huge teddy bear.

We collected the chickens, talked pleasantries, and then I said to him "Look, I need to tell you something and I need you to keep it a secret" and of course he agreed. Then I told him quickly and casually. I told him that he had always been a good friend and that I hope this wouldn't change that.

He didn't bat an eye. He said "No worries, you're always my brother ? er ? sister ?. Whatever."

Then I brought the chickens home and got stung by a yellow jacket. Oh, the ups and downs.

[Katya@]

Hi Macey,
I don't think there is a right way to come out, far from it. For myself, I don't recall ever thinking about it as a "secret", or asking someone to promise to not share it. It was my decision to come out to that person, not theirs. Early on, I did mention that I am not ready to be out to everyone, and give the other person a hint but I assume in the end, it is up to them.
Katya

[Macey]

I understand, but I know I will lose some family over this, possibly some friends (though I suspect MOST will be good about it), and would worry over my job.

So, I have to do it in my own way and in my own time. Thankfully, my own urge to open up is nudging me in the right directions so bit by bit, the right folks will know at the right time.

[Lana Mae]

I show them pictures and tell them they know that person! Who is it? I just tell them not to post it on Facebook as I will when the time is right! Everyone has been cool...so far! Best wishes! Hugs Lana Mae

[Macey]

Lana Mae, that's what I did with a GG friend that I came out to a while back. I'm reluctant to just send photos to anybody though.

I have a social engagement next weekend with a large group of my close friends. I am considering telling a few but only if A) The moment/feeling is right and B) it doesn't distract from the purpose of the gathering. This one I will have to feel out as it unfolds.

[Teresa]

Macey,
Pictures are useful to break the ice with some people . Don't forget there is a big difference between telling someone and the reality of seeing you , personally I'm glad I've passed that stage .

I'm inclined to agree with Katya , it's unfair to ask them to keep it a secret , you've possibly put a good friend in a difficult situation . Once you make the decision to come out don't feel ashamed of it , it suggests you feel there's something wrong with your behaviour .

[Macey]

Secret for now. Won't be as I collect a bit more of a safety net. I think this coming weekend will be telling. It's not that I'm ashamed, just that there's people I may well lose, and I'm not ready for that yet.

[Macey]

Kim, adding them to my flock! My other hens are getting older, need a few young layers.

[Teresa]

Macey,
I understand that point and appreciate once the words are spoken there's no going back . If it's any help I've lost very few friends and family , the ones I have I realised weren't the friends I thought they were . On the plus side I've made better friends with ones I did know and made many more new ones , being TG isn't the downer we often fear , I know it's the confidence we need to build on and it takes time .

[Macey]

Teresa, exactly.

How I come out is much more about my own confidence and comfort than it is about the other person. Also, I doubt everything will be as bad as the 'worst case scenarios', but I still err on the side of caution. Bell that can't be unrung and all.

[Sarah Doepner]

Macey,

The part of your story that resonated with me was where he responded saying "you will always be my brother, er sister, whatever." That lightness and I imagine it was said with a smile shows the kind of acceptance we need from friends. My closest buddies have taken a few light-hearted jabs at me since I came out to them and it's always done with affection and appreciation that I've given them a new vein of humor to explore.

Continued good fortune as you move along. And I hope those new layers are productive too.

[Macey]

Thank you, Sarah! He was nothing but immediately kind in the most 'I know this is a big deal for you, but so totally cool that you needn't have worried' kind of way.

[Devi SM]

I agree with many here. All we're different with different friends, background and environments but what is sure is that real, good friends and people en general know how to appreciate someone that's honest. One day a customer told me, I'm glad you are out against all odds because it means you're honest and I can trust on you for any business. People,en general, always have a corpse in their closet but after outing to the world there's nothing g else to hide,except we could be a serial killer...lol.
Good luck on your journey.
Devi

[Teresa]

Devi,
I have had the comment made several times , people do respect you for being honest .

[Aunt Kelly]

That sounds like the elusive "unconditional love", the real deal. You should do something nice for your friend, regularly. I have it on good authority that baked goods can be very effective. :)

[Macey]

Kelly, that sounds like a great idea!

[Crissy 107]

Macey, I am sorry for being so late to this thread. I am very happy for you and the humor had to be reassuring.