Went to an op shop and got followed around by staff member

[Elizabeth1980]

Yesterday I went to an op shop in my male clothes. I found a couple of cheap wigs, and tried them on in the changing room before buying them. The strange thing is that I was being followed around the store by one of the staff members, which made me feel very uncomfortable. After I had gone out of the change room she immediately went into it, checking that it was in order. I guess it could have looked suspicious taking the wigs into the change room with some male shorts on top of them, maybe she thought I was shoplifting?

When I had waited a few minutes to be served, the same woman entered the checkout to serve me, instead of the one that was serving other customers. She then made snide comments about what I was buying them for, etc, which I laughed off, saying they were for Halloween etc. She replied 'it's a bit early for Halloween'.

It felt like she was stalking me the whole time, and I ended up not buying other stuff as I left more quickly than I would have otherwise done so.
How would others have responded to being followed around the shop like this?

[LydiaL]

Sometimes store staff become overzealous watching for shoplifters. They need to back off and just let folks shop. Only move in when there is just cause.

Happened to me one time in a department store chain while looking at women's clothing. Had that pink fog urge to buy! I was constantly watched so left without any purchase. While I buy online from that firm, I have never gone clothes shopping in that particular store ever again.

Based on her snide remarks, you should have told her off, IMO.

[Tracii G]

Only one time and it was quite annoying.
Like you I noticed the store person right off because they were really obvious.
I walked around an aisle and the person following me was walking up behind me acting like they were sorting sizes on the rack.
I said look you don't need to follow me around like I am some kind of criminal OK? She said oh I wasn't doing that and I said yes you were because it was very obvious.
I bought one item and have never been back just because of that.

[Rhonda Jean]

I would have done the same thing you did. Nothing to be gained by challenging her.

Several years ago (back when I was skinny and had long hair) I had been out of town and stopped to get gas and take a break. There was a Payless shoe store next door, so I went in. I was not completely crossdressed and certainly didn't pass. I was wearing skinny jeans and heels, which happened to be Payless. I walked in right by the register and back to my size, browsed a short while and left. When I left I could see through the front window that the two clerks went to where I had been browsing and started checking the boxes. I left and got back on the freeway, but got worried that they thought I stole something and would call the police, and I certainly didn't want to bet pulled over and perhaps arrested in Texas. I turned around and went back and told the clerks that I noticed that they went over to where I had been and thought that I might have shoplifted the heels I was wearing. They said, "Well, we did find an empty box." I showed them the soles of my shoes that showed they had clearly been worn a lot. They said OK, but I think they still thought I stole something. At least they didn't call the police.

[Tracii G]

Wow Rhonda Jean an empty box in Payless how many times have we all seen that?
Just shows the clerks haven't straightened up and faced their aisles at the end of their shift.

[Tracy Irving]

She replied 'it's a bit early for Halloween'.

She probably doesn't get out much. Goodwill has had their Halloween merchandise out for almost a month already. Most other stores are also in full Halloween mode.

[Crissy 107]

I would most likely said nothing but would have maybe given a rude look. I also would not go back there, I feel there are enough stores that like our business so just go elsewhere.

[char GG]

The woman that owns the wig shop where my husband buys his wigs, is very cautious. She told him that she has people come in to "play" with the wigs, try a bunch on, leave a mess, and not buy anything. So she is wary of people who are "just looking". While we were in the shop, that exact thing happened, a couple of people came in just to try wigs on but didn't want to be helped. (She just rolled her eyes).

I can understand the OP's feelings about being watched. Apparently people with huge strollers are watched with suspicion also.

That just seems to be the way things are now (at least where I live). Ask at any store in a mall what their "loss" to shop lifting is, it is alarming!

[mykell]

dont know what an OP shop is but for me i put my money where my mouth is, no sale, none of your business what its for, wouldnt be the first time i left a purchase at the register.....and never for that reason....bad service, incorrect pricing, even left stuff for making fun of the previous customer once, what are you going to say to the people behind me when i leave my stuff here and walked away.....i hear folks here say snide remarks about folks who work retail, i have amassed some time in it as an owner and associate, treat people as you wish to be treated....

[rachel_rachel]

I would’ve called her out for the bigot that she was being, and walked out.

[Patience]

For a minute, I thought you were in the USA.

A lot of times, people who follow others in stores are the laziest kind of employee. Why do any real work when a person can get paid the same just standing and following people around?

Normally, when I notice someone following me, I just stare right at them. Then, I start looking at things exactly where they are and when they start walking away, I start following them. By then, I have normally given up on the shopping.

In any event, count your blessings. Some of us are subject to this regardless of presentation.

[gailprice]

Hi Elizabeth

I had a similar situation back in June this year. I was asked if the items I had were the right size (they made it quite clear they thought or was implying i was buying for someone else and was amused at this) and I replied "yes they are for me I was wearing a lace dress this weekend at a dinner party. But i am not sure which one would be best". A lady who was behind me in the same que remarked that the items were a good choice.

By the way, the items was a black and a navy slip for a very deep wine colour lace dress I was not sure which one would be the best colour :)

Gail xx

[Stephanie47]

I had a long response and I was "timed out." Anyway, I agree with Rachel. You do not have to be rude, but, I think the person should become aware of his or her bias behavior. Now you may become aware of what my African-American son-in-law goes through all the time. He is highly educated, well compensated, dresses conservatively. He calls it "going though life black!" If you just get huffy and walk out of the store you're really doing nothing more than reinforcing their perceptions and bias behavior. If the sales associates does appear to have an unfounded bias I would recommend filing a complaint with the home office.

Last year I ran into an issue of an on-line order being filled by a local store. That's the business model of that store. The chain searches out the inventory of local stores and has it fill the request. The order was so messed up it was obvious to me the person did not like a male name ordering women's panties. I returned them for correction to a different local store. The store which filled the order was in Tukwila, WA. I wrote a letter to the top corporate officer by name and address and sent a copy to the manager of the Tukwila store. I got a serious response from the corporate officer who refunded part of my money and took up the issue with the stores fulfilling the order and handling the refund/adjust since it took more than forty-five minutes to process a refund. I suspect whoever fulfilled the original order was seriously counseled. In my complaint I did say it was obvious to me whoever filled the order had a bias that needed to be dealt with. Don't take s@#t laying down.

[char GG]

Note: Please do not get into a discussion about specific ethnic groups.

[Ressie]

From my experience it's not you so much, it's how often they get shoplifted. Had a similar experience at a wig store in my area. After searching but not finding the kind of wig I wanted I walked out to door and was followed outside by an employee. She talked to me briefly, just making sure I didn't walk out with any merchandise. I'm guessing that they lose merchandise to shoplifters at least every now and then. Probably more.

[abbiedrake]

Sorry to hear you had an unpleasant experience, Elizabeth.
Personally, I would almost certainly have done or said something. I read with interest what Stephanie wrote about the experience of black people. What a sad and telling indictment of the early 21st century.
I'd be calling that crap out!
BS like that grinds my gears.

[Bobbi46]

Rudeness like you encountered is way out of order I would have said something and then demanded to speak to the manager the more thiss is done the better we will all be, getting rid of rude SA's like that should be the order of the day.

[Angie G]

All the stores I have shoped in I never had that happen to me. :hugs:
Angie

[Allison Chaynes]

After having worked in retail, I would tell everyone not to assume it's because you are CD/TG. You may have exhibited behaviors that set off alarm bells based on loss prevention training, and never even known it. I would still be upset about being followed.

[Maid_Marion]

From Wikipedia : charity shop, thrift shop or opportunity shop (colloquially referred to as an op shop)

Never heard this term in the USA.

[jacques]

hello Elizabeth,
sometime I fell that I am being watched closely by shop staff or security and think that is because I giving off a nervous vibe - a bearded man looking at women's clothes must be up to no good!
luv J

[Rayleen]

I have been shopping for years for ladies clothing department, and never got followed. I usually go on my business and even used the men's department to try clothes on and went to pay without questions. I guess it could happen some day.

[Mermaiden]

May just have been one paranoid clerk. Op shops may have to take whoever volunteers to work. Definitely the problem is with them, not you.

[SheriM]

[I]'ve been watched or followed on several occasions. I have left the store a couple times which makes it look like I got caught in an attempt to shoplift. I have ignored the follower on occasion.
Actually, I don't mind if someone asks to see what is in the bag as they are trying to curb shoplifting but being followed is unnerving.

[JaclynL61]

I can understand the clerk's concern from the loss prevention aspect. I'm not sure what she expected to find in the changing room. If I felt offended by either her behavior or comments, I wouldn't have called her out or anything. Nothing really wrong with calling her out, but it just isn't my personality. I would take my business elsewhere. There are too many places to shop that appreciate my business.

[CynthiaD]

This has happened to me many times. Usually I don't care. If they want to follow me around while the real shoplifters get away with it, it's their loss. Literally. The only time I had a bad experience was on one of my first outings when a security guard clocked me the instant i walked in. I was totally creeped out and left quickly. I vowed to try to pass better the next time. I've been back there many times.

[Jean. Ann]

I had a store manager follow me around in a
Maurice store a couple of times . I don't go back
Just because I like girl clothing does not mean I am
a thief

JAS

[Karmen]

I happened to me on several occasions when I was in drab, not all dressed up. I was just "window shopping" in expensive fashion shops like Dolce & Gabbana and some jewellery shop, looking at expensive watches and jewellery. I'm not sure if that a normal behaviour at those shops for store assistants to follow you and can be at your assistance right away, since they have more store assistants than customers in the shop, but it was unusual behaviour to me. Something like that never happened to me when shopping at normal shops, no matter how I was dressed.
But I get an occasional strange remark when buying and trying on female shoes or clothes in male mode or all dressed up, but it didn't look like a mean thing, more of a slip of the tongue. Last time when it happened, I was buying high heel sandals in male mode and cashier ended the the sale with "enjoy wearing them". I was surprised and stayed speechless and she corrected her sentence immediately to "...or whoever will wear them." She was also a bit red to her face, because she knew she shouldn't say that in the first place to a men buying high heels.

[Elizabeth1980]

Thanks everyone for your replies and ideas, I really appreciate it. There are some great ideas in these posts, which I intend to try in future!

Crissy 107 - ‘I also would not go back there, I feel there are enough stores that like our business so just go elsewhere.’

That’s true, I’ve been to many other op shops in the past and been treated nicely by the staff there when buying things like skirts, etc in male mode. It’s just the odd person who is hostile like this.

Char GG – ‘That just seems to be the way things are now’

Yes, I guess that shop could have a high rate of theft (it is a charity shop, which do experience a lot of theft of donations) so the staff may have to be extra vigilant because of that, but I would have thought it would be more polite for shops to monitor shoppers remotely, e.g. by the use of cameras, CCTV etc, instead of following them around.

Mykell - dont know what an OP shop is but for me i put my money where my mouth is, no sale, none of your business what its for

That’s a good idea, I might try that next time, just as an experiment to see what effect it has on them!

Patience – thanks for the idea of following them back/staring etc. I am not a very confident/assertive person, but could try such a strategy in future, instead of meekly letting them make me feel uncomfortable.

Stephanie 47 - If the sales associates does appear to have an unfounded bias I would recommend filing a complaint with the home office.

Yes, I thought of complaining to her superiors, but I don’t really want to get her into trouble, I just want to be treated with dignity and respect. But I guess she could treat other shoppers this way too, so hopefully someone calls her out on it eventually.

Allison Chaynes - You may have exhibited behaviors that set off alarm bells based on loss prevention training

I think I did, as I was a bit nervous in looking at female clothing and apparel while dressed in male clothes, which could have been perceived as being similar to the way a shoplifter behaves, i.e nervous and avoidant. I could try to be more confident when out shopping in future, so as not to look suspicious.

[Ressie]

Elizabeth, your last paragraph reveals what the problem was. If you're looking around to see if anyone might be noticing you in the ladies dept you will look suspicious. I think most of us have been there when we first started shopping for fem items. Just stay focused on looking at the merchandise.

Also when an SA makes a remark about why I'm buying fem items I let them know that I'll be wearing it this weekend (or similar response). Make them laugh a little and make their day.

[Palaina Nocturnus]

One of the first times I went shopping I encountered a store like this. I was dressed in male clothes and they repeatedly reminded me that I was in a store selling WOMENS clothes only. I lied and said I was shopping for my girlfriend to which I received eyes rolled back. I still bought shoes and a cute bikini outfit because I honestly thought I would never get that chance again lol

The next time that happened I was dressed up fully and they flat out told me that my kind was not welcome, then I was chased from the building by 5 men. That night I learned to run in 5" high heels lol

Nowadays if I catch even the slightest attitude I'll laugh in someone's face and just leave. There's way more places that are employing civilized human beings that deserve my money.

[Meghan4now]

It's always easy to look back and say, "I should. I could have" so no judgement from me. At this point, I think I would have replied "Just what are you implying?" Probably to be followed with "Your rather bold in your judgement. How are you such an expert.".

Nah, I think I'd just say f*** off, and leave the stuff on the counter. And then obsess about it later.

[Amelie]

I can't say how one should respond, each situation and person is different. At my age now I would have had a confrontation and put them in their place.

But when I was younger I would always get followed around by staff and store security, especially when with friends. It didn't bother me, it was part of the game of being a punk. It drove the store staff crazy when we split up from each other in the store.

[FrannGurl]

I've never been followed while at the store looking at clothes and I go at least once a week or more, even if it's just to look around. I go to several stores, but go to Target, Charming Charlies, and Kohls the most since they are a few of my favorites. I have had a remark and what I thought was a dirty look before though, both at Target which is suppose to be LGBT friendly. One time I was there and a young woman cashier asked jokingly if the nails I was buying for me and I told her yes. She said "Ah" and smiled at me . I wasn't offended at all and I'm pretty sure she meant nothing by it. The other time, not long ago, I had bought a blue dress and a pair of matching heels online . When I picked them up at customer service, I got a weird look and then what I thought was a dirty look. I couldn't be absolutely sure, but that's the vibe she gave me.

[lingerieLiz]

I was looking for a special bra at a Marshal's that had a huge collection. The store security woman was standing behind me. I'm sure that she could see my bra lines as I was looking on the bottom shelf of the rack. She leaned forward and asked if I always wore a bra. As I answered yes I raised up and spun around. (I can move very fast) By the time she backed up I was within a foot or so of her. I asked her if that was a problem. She stammered no and had no problem with it. She left quickly to get on the other side of the store. She stayed as far away from me. I didn't find the bra I was looking for so I left eventually.

[Ginni]

I have been followed several times while shopping for women's clothing. One time a woman that was observing me walked up to me and looked in my basket. Another time As I was walking out the door a man 6 feet 6 inches and 300 pounds looked me over carefully and asked if I found what I was looking for and said have a good day. I believe that because I am a Crossdresser that I am shop lifting. I hope they are not disappointed that I pay for everything.

[Sissy_in_pink]

I would have walked around a rack twice then if she still followed I would have about-faced and walk up to her and ask what the hell did she think she was doing and ask to see the manager or her supervisor.

[SaraLin]

Just a thought....

Turn to the security person, stare him (or her) in the eye, and say in a voice loud enough to be heard by others: "Can I help YOU?"

You know - put THEM in the spotlight and see how they like it?

[Crissy 107]

SaraLin, I like your idea but that takes a certain personality.

[SaraLin]

SaraLin, I like your idea but that takes a certain personality.

Yeah, and to be perfectly honest - I'm not the type of person who could to it. I am VERY non-confrontational.
Still, I like to imagine:daydreaming:

[Stephanie too]

I haven't had too much trouble with people following me while dressed in drab. For all they know I'm shopping for gift.

I would, however, like to find a solution for trying on clothes. Target has fitting rooms that are for both men and women but I'm seriously uncomfortable walking in with dresses. Any suggestions?

[Kelli_cd]

Do you feel as uncomfortable carrying bras into a fitting room? It may be up to you to just decide there's nothing wrong with it.

[Ressie]

I would, however, like to find a solution for trying on clothes. Target has fitting rooms that are for both men and women but I'm seriously uncomfortable walking in with dresses. Any suggestions?

I only bring dresses into the dressing room when there's hardly anyone else in the store. Or fold the dress while carrying it to make it less obvious. If there's a SA present I'll let them in on it. Never took a bra to the dressing room myself.

[CayleeMarie]

I would, however, like to find a solution for trying on clothes. Target has fitting rooms that are for both men and women but I'm seriously uncomfortable walking in with dresses. Any suggestions?

Kohl?s is another great place to shop. The dressing rooms are not assigned and they do not have attendants. So, it is easy to discretely make your way to the dressing rooms. Also going in the morning around opening time on a weekday is a great because there aren?t very many shoppers there yet. However, speaking from personal experience, the more you do it the easier it becomes! If you are still a little uneasy you can place a guy garment over your selections to mask what you are carrying.

[mykell]

snip.........

I would, however, like to find a solution for trying on clothes. Target has fitting rooms that are for both men and women but I'm seriously uncomfortable walking in with dresses. Any suggestions?

i just throw a big pair of jeans on top of the dress, unless im in a womens shop, them ijust ask that they set up a room for me, they know we exist....

[Brandie.n]

I do something as simple as throwing my stuff down and buy some where else.

[nvlady]

"It's a bit early for Halloween."
"Well you're certainly ready for it."