Feedback from hetro, non transitioning mtf CD... pls

[So Newbie]

I'm looking for feedback from the hetro, non transitioning mtf crossdressers. (I hate to be specific in asking who the responses come from...)
Does just lounging around in yoga leggings and a razor back top, maybe forms, maybe just the sports bra, work for you?
Do you like to wear a skirt/blouse and heels and just hang out at the house?
Or do you need to do the full dress, wig, makeup, forms, etc...
I know that people are all different and we need different things, but this is me reaching out and just trying to educate myself and learn from others. I know that by hearing from others this will not make my SO's dressing 'normal or abnormal' but more of what do others do. (I hope that makes sense, lol)
Thank you!

[Paulie Birmingham]

I dont have a wig and only just recently bought a dress. I've put on lipstick a few times. No desire for wig and more makeup. No desire for forms. She found my bra and didnt care for that though I do own a new one I've worn a few times. I just bought heels again and do plan to wear them more when I'm alone. I love panties pantyhose camis mostly. Wife has bought me leggings and womens Jean's which I wear around her.

[Micki_Finn]

I’m a little confused as to why you are only interested in hearing from hetero members? I get that trans is kind of a different creature than CDers, but what do you think is different about gay and bi crossdressers?

[Dannigirl]

Hi there,

Well it depends on the mood really and how much time I have what my wife and I are going to be doing and most of all how lazy I'm feeling. Sometimes I just throw my leggings on and a nice cotton cami if it is warm, or a nice light sweater if it is cooler, bra most of the time, forms some of the time, wig= never unless I'm going out somewhere, it is too hot for me and I am a very hot bodied person. For me to do makeup I have to go all the way, can't just do eyes and lips, have to do the full shave, foundation, concealer and the whole routine, eyelashes etc ... But once again that is only if I am going out somewhere. My wife doesn't mind what I wear or do, it doesn't bother her in the least, but I have a bit of a hang-up dressing in front of her for some reason, still haven't figured that out, maybe it is because I am embarrassed to act girly in front of her, not sure. But I am getting better at it, slowly but surely. Anyway, I am getting away from your question....... Good luck on trying to understand what most of us don't understand ourselves :o

[NancyJ]

I fit all of your criteria although I consider myself transgender — not “just” a crossdresser. I fairly rarely fully dress with full makeup, wig, etc. I do love just wearing a blouse and forms, maybe clip on ear rings, while I’m working on my computer. I don’t need to fully dress to feel feminine. Nancy

[Samm]

I don't consider myself "just a cd'r", or transgender for that matter. But somewhere in the middle... or both. But For me, just "throwing something on" doesn't quite do it for me these last few years. I seem to need all or nothing, or it just doesn't feel right. Also, I prefer not to see myself half and half if that makes any sense. I prefer my wife not see me that way either. Although I deal with it ok.
I will however, sleep with forms and a fitted tee on occasion.

[Allison Chaynes]

I've only gone "all out" once and don't feel like I need to, personally. Perfectly fine with wearing a dress, jeans, whatever, even in dude mode.

[KiraK]

I really enjoy just lounging around in yoga pants and top, or a cami and some shorts. Other times I like to work at my desk in a dress. It really depends on my mood. I rarely wear my wig (especially since I need to learn how to style nicely; it came out of the box ok, but it needs fine tuning that I don't know how to do yet). I have yet to learn how to do makeup other than lipstick, so that's a rarity, and I've only just started painting my nails (which I still kind of suck at, btw), so those are something I learn later as well. I just really dress to ease the "pink fog" as everyone calls it. I let my mood dictate what I'll be wearing. Since I'm in a DADT relationship, pretty much whatever I wear needs to be able to be removed pretty quickly and not leave any hint that it was there.

[Wesley]

Hello. I am a heterosexual Male who likes to dress in women's clothing. No makeup no wigs. I look like a man in women's clothes. I don't try to look like a girl. I don't want to be a female. I love being a man. I just love women and their clothes. My wife loves me and accepts this part of me. I can dress any way I want to at home. I am not allowed to go out dressed. My wife even helps me pick out clothes and also has bought me some. She doesn't want to see me in a dress or skirt. I wear panties (thongs) and a bra daily. She bought me some bras and pajamas for my birthday. I hope this helps answer your questions.

[Teresa]

So Newbie ,
I'm like Micki and wondering why you needed to be so specific ?

If you're reaching out and trying to move forward and educate yourself , why not just ask the question .

If I'm still allowed to answer , I'm a TG hetro but dress full time , even at home I will wear makeup and my wig because at some point in the day I may go out to run errands . I dress appropriate for the jobs I intend to do , if I'm gardening I usually wear a denim skirt and Tshirt or jeans . No I don't wear heels around the house and not to run my errands , I have several pairs of wedges with various heel heights .

I can't live with the inbetween state , in fact doing male mode feels more like CDing , besides I get visitors and deliveries calling and I do prefer to present as Teresa when answering the door or chatting to neighbours . I have to add it feels perfectly normal , I shop with my daughter and often have coffee out with my sister in law . My wife is almost the only one who hasn't seen me but I feel it would now be best if she did .

I appreciate you are wondering how far your SO will go or needs to go , maybe forget the normal -abnormal thinking and let him find a balance , I admit it'd easier for me now I'm separated but I wish to integrate into the community so I take care what I look like and try and dress appropriately .

The bottom line is you really do need to know what his needs are .

[So Newbie]

I’m a little confused as to why you are only interested in hearing from hetero members? I get that trans is kind of a different creature than CDers, but what do you think is different about gay and bi crossdressers?

I was asking because my bf is a hetro non transitioning mtf cd and wanted feed back from others. I don?t know if he could give feedback about a gay cd, but that?s a question I will bring up with him;)

[Victoria_Winters]

Ok.so it depends on my mood and what?s I?m doing. I do like to go all out if I have a full weekend to myself but if it?s just an afternoon or a single day then I will wear what ever o feel like. Never heels in the house. They do amazing things for your arse but man they are killer on you feet!

Some days(if it?s hot I?ll where a blouse and skirt or a very light dress. Other days it?s sweats, or just my JP?s. If it?s not to hot I?ll wear forms and wig, I usually always have them on durring ?girl days?. Mostly I just wear pants and a nice blouse or some t-shirt.

[Billie Jean]

I love to come home from a long shift and change into my panties, night gown, and fuzzy slippers and relax. For me that's the most part of my CDing. Billie Jean

[char GG]

So Newbie has requested a specific group to respond to her. If you don't feel that you are in that group, you do not need to respond. Please do not question why.

[jayme357]

I’m with NancyJ. Usually I just enjoy dressing as casual as can be. Always with my boobs, a top of some sort, and some jewelry, particularly long dangling earrings. Anything else is just a bonus. On rare occasions I will go all the way and enjoy every moment. It just isn’t really necessary. I just love being a “normal” girl.

[GeorgeA]

Hi Newbie,

Since you've been here for more than a year you are probably familiar with the term "MIAD": man in a dress. That's what I am. That means I do not impersonate a woman. I wear what used to be considered women's clothes that mostly been abandoned by young women. I will enumerate what I wear and highlight what is seldom worn by women these days. I start with garter-beltand nylons slip panties, blouse or shirt and skirt. I never wear a bra, forms, wigs, makeup, heels.

I live in the above mentioned garments all the time. When I have to go out I change my skirt for trousers otherwise remain underdressed at all times.

As I said I do not impersonate a woman, am not effeminate but a man who likes to dress differently than most men.

You wrote: Do you like to wear a skirt/blouse and heels and just hang out at the house? the answer is yes, except the heels.

As to being 'normal or abnormal' I think normal is what majority does, and abnormal what minority does therefore we, being a minority are abnormal even though we think we are normal. At least I do.

Feel free to ask more questions.

[TheHiddenMe]

We had a speaker at one of our transgender group meetings and she said "when you've met one transgender person you've met one transgender person", so you are probably going to get a variety of answers.

I am a married MTF hetero CD, as you asked. As a young boy, I wanted to try on dresses. I still do.

My dressing has evolved over time.

For a long time I wanted to dress but never did.

Then I began to underdress (generally panties under male clothes). I began to buy woman's clothes dressed as a guy, and dressing at home when I was home by myself. That lasted about 10 years.

Then I went out a couple of Halloweens and a day out in San Francisco.

Three years ago I was able to arrange four days out; nails, makeover, try on dresses, buy a new wig. That changed everything for me.

Since then, I have gone out dressed on a regular basis. When I get dressed, it's makeup, wig, accessories, shoes, etc. I prefer dresses and pantyhose, or tops and skirts, but I do wear jeans and leggings. I often go to stores but also restaurants, movies, the occasional museum. I've made GG friends that I met while out dressed.

I do what works for me.

[Maid_Marion]

I've been wearing a junior's top (crop top, tank top, print) and short shorts during the day and VS PJs at night. And a denim skirt when the cat wants to sit in my lap.

[Kiwi Primrose]

I am hetero, male, 82 y.o., married 62 years and have worn feminine under-clothing all my life. As a child my mother bought me Y-fronts and I refused to wear them. For many years I have worn skirts and blouses and other female garments at home; my family, friends and most of my neighbours know I do this but I don't go "up-town" dressed. I have had no desire to go with a man and in fact don't like all-male company, I can meet and converse easily with women.
This is my private life shared without problems with my loving, understanding, wife. It has been this way for over 60 years.

[Rachelakld]

I'm very relaxed in just leggings and sports top at home, walking the dogs, morning coffee, getting takeaways (pizza hut, Indian etc).
Sometimes I wear a bra, sometimes not, sometimes a wig, sometimes not.

[Andrea Chenowith]

I?ve transitioned to wearing workout pants/leggings almost 90 percent of the time in public. That includes around my 8-year-old daughter, to the grocery store, to the gas station, driving to the in-laws, lounging at the in-laws, making a Starbucks run, etc. The only time I wear men?s athletic shorts is when I?m on business trips where I have to share a room with a colleague to keep costs low. (I can usually keep my freshly-done pedicure, panties, and mostly hairless body unobtrusive, but putting on girly pants would be a bridge too far..)

Heck, I even picked up shifts in an Amazon warehouse last holiday season while I waited for my current job to came through, and wore black workout tights every night. (I got questioned once by one of my supervisors- not in a bad way - as to why I wore them and I flat out told him that they were infinitely more comfortable than jeans, more supportive and equally as warm.) I got a couple of snickers early, but when I started putting up good productivity numbers, the snickers turned to normal conversation, and I even had two separate women ask me about a particular pair of pants.

That being said; is it enough for me? I used to think so, but recently I have been craving the full transformation. Since I work very close to an Amazon locker drop off, I?ll admit to having gone a bit overboard with my playtime purchasing and returning (so many things look cute on the screen but less so in the mirror) lately, and have even pulled the trigger on a breast plate setup. Two, actually, if you count the one that was falsely described as ?solid? silicone by the seller..

I?m also going to try out a pair of adhesive forms, because I?m skeptical of how the breast plate type of form will truly fit, and I need a new pair of boobs anyway since my old standbys ripped.

[susan54]

I find the question entirely valid. I spend almost all my free time in a dress, bra, forms, jewellery, heels, tights (unless it is hot) - more rarely in a skirt and top - and never in any form of trousers. I only wear make up and a wig to go out though I sometimes wear scent and lipstick at home. I adopt a female walk and voice when I go out, and then use make up and a wig. I enjoy it - it is fun - but I am acting - at no time do I identify as a woman. The women I interact with know I am male and we make a joke of it - I even flirt with them and they flirt back. I rarely encounter males when out dressed but when I do I keep it to a minimum as they are often uncomfortable and don't want to show that they are. I own women's trousers and leggings but might wear them once a year at the most. The dressing has nothing to do with wanting to BE a woman for me - it is to look good as one.

[Georgina]

At home, after work and on week ends, I wear a dress or skirt with full lingerie and heels. Only occasionally do I wear make up, without a wig, as it can make quite a change as to how I look. I don't wish to waste the time that it takes to do make up and the removal. When dressed I just carry on as normal around the house. I don't feel feminine or wish to be a woman but I always feel great when dressed.

[Mermaiden]

I fit the description of your target group. And I?m satisfied underdressing about 1/2 the time. When I?m on my own I might wear a a bra and like to sleep in a nightgown. I sometimes wear a dress or skirt at home with a blouse. I?ll run with a sports bra if it?s covered by a loose jacket. Doubt I?ll ever go out en femme. No plans for a wig or make up.
Having said that, I also have seen myself evolve over the past decade from panties alone to now owning several dresses , skirts, bras. So no promises where Illbe in another ten years.

[LaurenS]

After telling my wife, it was all the way, because I wanted to look presentable to her, but since she is gone, it?s rare I put on much makeup other than lipstick and mascara. Occasionally jewelry

[BTWimRobin]

I like to wear capri leggings when I home. I would love to add a matching sports bra. I love the look. Wifely doesn't like the way leggings look on women, let alone her husband so I don't wear them when she I around. As far as skirts, blouses and heels... only when wifey is not around. I don't own any makeup or wigs.

[Kelli_cd]

I'm hetero, married 33 yrs. My wife is not accepting of cross dressing.
I wear panties every day, bras mostly Monday - Friday when I go to work.
I add garter belt and stockings, or pantyhose when it's cooler.
The bra comes off when I get home so she doesn't see it.
I would be very happy to relax in the evenings in comfortable clothes like yoga pants or leggings, with other without the sports bra.

[GaleWarning]

I only dress at home. Usually bra and panties, thigh-highs or pantyhose. Occasionally, I will wear a suspender belt and stockings. Skirt and top. 2" heels.
I own two dresses. One LBD and one floral. I also have several wigs, which I don't often wear.
Make-up is something I am not really into. Sometimes I will put on a little lipstick. Not often, though.
I am fortunate in that my flatmate does not object.

[SaraLin]

I guess I'm close enough to reply - though a bit off the CD part...

I've been married since 2001, and live with the following "house rules":
Panties are OK.
Nighties are OK - as long as they're not too "girly" (baby dolls are a no-no, for example).
Nothing more in front of her.
NO going out.
No telling others about this (I'm breaking this rule by being here, but, oh well...).
She knows I have bras, dresses, etc. and that I will wear them if/when I get the chance, but she doesn't want to see me in them or know about it.
I have a wig and makeup tucked away, but haven't used either in years (no opportunity. - and I should probably toss the makeup by now!)
Do I wish I could do more? Yes! Am I willing to risk my marriage for it? No.

I'd suggest that the two of you find a middle ground you can both be OK with. An "all or nothing" attitude from either of you can lead to ruin.

[docrobbysherry]

I am a straight, CD. I have no desire to transition! Altho, I don't see what sexual preference has to do with any T's dressing?

Because I'm a CD, I don't constantly need to be doing girlie things or presenting girlie. I don't just "throw on a few things and hang out". Like TS's tend to do.

I dress all or nothing. But, that's just me. I don't think all of of us do the same thing!:heehee:

[JocelynJames]

Hi , lounging around in whatever female wear seems to be my MO as of late. Probably moreso seeing as I?m not thrilled with my wig and beard cover, but it does make it extremely easy to get my girl on without all the time needed for the cake icing. Leggings, sure. Jean shorts, yep. Camis, uh huh. All the above. I?m a pretty lazy cd as of late.

[WandaRae2009]

Most times as I am right now fully dressed in a Skirt and all the fixings except wig and makeup. Haven't been feeling that well and just didn't have the ambition to shave and do makeup today. I am in a DADT relationship, so unless I know I will be alone for the whole day, I don't go the makeup route. It is just not worth all the work for a couple of hours. Also If I have to perform a quick change the makeup adds too much time.

Many times when my wife is home I will underdress with Bra (no forms) hold ups or pantyhose or tights. It helps a little to treat the ping fog.

I only wear panties, and my wife knows and doesn't say anything - Moving slow with her.

[Karmen]

I wear heels, pantyhose and skirts/dresses at home all the time. I don't feel the need put on makeup, breast forms or wig just because I wear female clothes. I just do it when I go out to look more like a woman.

[NancySue]

Yes, I, too, am a married, heterosexual, non transitioning, mtf cder...and have been since youth. I started with panties and hose. Over the years, my dressing has been progressive. I can?t tell you when I began to progress to add things. I remember distinctly the first time I dressed completely. There was no turning back. I told my wife before we married...betting she?d sprint to the nearest exit. After many Q & A, she accepted my dressing and is totally supportive. My dressing depends on my mood...sometimes just partly i.e. panties and hose, sometimes more, sometimes less. I can?t explain it, but ?comfort?, basically sums it up. My wife teases me about how can I find comfort in hose, heels, underwires, foundations, etc. I just smile. Her help (makeup, shopping, etc.) adds to my pleasures and comfort.

[WandaRae2009]

I know how ironic it is. Our wives come home from work and can't wait to kick off the heals, take off the hose and Bra. And, we come home from work and look for every opportunity to put them on.

[Asew]

I just wanted to pipe in as someone who prefers a partial dressed mode and that is good enough for me. Most days I wear a t-shirt and a skirt. If I have to change to male mode just change into shorts or pants. I don't do makeup, wigs, fake boobs or shave non-facial hair. I did grow out my hair and my toenails are almost always painted. While I like to hang out at the house dressed, I also like when I can go out dressed (either work every once in a while since I work from home usually or a girls night out with other CD at the bar). I think it just comes down to the person's needs, and what they feel like they can safely get away without too much hassle from others.

[Cynthia T]

I believe that there is a definite difference between Transgender and crossdresser. A transgender person feels deeply that they are another gender from the one they have been told they are. They wish to live full time as that gender, have body modification, and so forth. A crossdresser knows that they are really the gender they have had from birth, but is in touch with an alternate gender inside, that they like to let out from time to time.
I support my transgendered sisters and brothers, and will advocate for them. I know that when the anti's seek to deprive them of their rights, they are invoking me -- a "guy in a dress".
In my case, I tripped over crossdressing at puberty, pursued it enthusiastically (if closeted) through my teen years and '20's, and met a wonderful woman who supported my dressing. I remained pretty closeted, only very occasionally fully dressing and going out briefly. Other time I dress "lite" in the house. Now I am much more interested in letting my femme side out, going to venues where she is accepted and safe, and considering even more open places such as shopping malls or downtown.

[Paulie Birmingham]

I know how ironic it is. Our wives come home from work and can't wait to kick off the heals, take off the hose and Bra. And, we come home from work and look for every opportunity to put them on.
Lol. I cant get my wife to wear pantyhose and I would wear them every day if I could

[Teresa]

So Newbie,
Referring to your reply #11 .

You state your BF's current needs and status , you haven't mentioned age but our needs do tend to change as we get older , I have to admit my life has taken some turns with age I didn't expect .

[carhill2mn]

I fit your requirements for a response. I now live alone so I can choose how I want to dress. Unless my male self is expected somewhere, I always present totally as a woman even if I am home alone. This includes, makeup, a wig and jewelry.

[So Newbie]

I would just like to say THANK YOU to all the feedback you have given me and for respecting the 'criteria' requested. I have been with my bf for 18 months and to say we have had our ups and downs is an understatement. LOL We have decided to seek out counseling to find middle ground and hopeful about our future. Your responses, while all different, make me feel that I'm not alone in what he does is 'normal'. (note the quotes, LOL)
Since joining this site I have learned a lot about myself and our relationship and I'm hear to tell you honest communication, FROM BOTH SIDES is key! :)

[Maid_Marion]

Good luck with finding some middle ground. I ought to mention that after the Carly Rae Jepsen concert at the Big E I was wandered back to my car through absolutely packed fairground wearing a floral wrap, tie dye T shirt, jeans, and sneakers with a floral accent.

Marion

[JulesLynne]

I?m a hetero non transitioning MTF CD. I think you?ll find a million answers from a million people, so I guess ?normal? is in the eyes of the beholder. Labels are interesting but bring about their own confusion. There?s plenty of TGs who start their journey as CDs. There?s gay and bi CDs. There?s non-binary people who just like to dress however they like to dress. CDs are on the TG spectrum, but CD in and of itself isn?t really the same as being TG. I could go on forever...

First, it seems that you?re a CD?s SO. THANK YOU for taking an interest in this!!!

To answer your question, my preferred style involves dresses, high heels, full makeup, forms, and a wig. Lounging around the house is better than nothing but I?d rather go out and get dinner, see a movie, go shopping, etc... but I?m still very concerned about being outed in public and avoid dressing close to home. I have absolutely no interest in wearing things like yoga pants or T-shirts.

But I didn?t get here overnight - it?s been a bit of a journey for me to really discover who I am and what I like as a CD. 20 years ago, I?d say that it was more of a stockings/pantyhose fetish. Then I wondered what it would be like to wear heels and a dress... and I liked it. I loved the clothing but didn?t like looking in the mirror and seeing an ugly guy in cute clothes, so I wanted breast forms, a wig, and makeup. That was a HUGE hurdle that took almost 20 years to cross. Fortunately my wife remains by my side and she?s supportive.

I?ve been through a couple rounds of therapy (highly recommend it!) and my therapist acknowledged that at that time it was OK for me to not really know ?how far I want to go with this.? At that point, I?d never been out of the house dressed and I?d never done all of my makeup. We found the Keystone Convention (Harrisburg PA end of March every year) and thought that it would be the perfect first outing for my wife and me - and it was! I can?t wait to go back next year. Since then, my wife and I also had a day dressed up in Vegas and it was wonderful.

So where do I stand now? Well, dressing is an integral part of me. My wife is supportive but more concerned about keeping this away from the kids, neighbors, and friends (so am I). It limits my opportunities to dress, but hey, that?s life. In a perfect world, I?d get to go out for a day or 2 every month or so, but in this world I get to go out a couple times per year and I?ll take what I can get. During the winter months when the kids are in school, I?ll get fully dressed around the house for a couple days a month. I generally shave my legs during the cooler weather, but I?m also a swimmer and cyclist so I?m nearing the point of just shaving my legs all the time.

My recommendations for you:
- Attend Keystone if possible!
- Talk to a therapist
- Realize that this is a journey and that both your and your SO?s desires, fears, and levels of acceptance aren?t binary and can change with time.
- Read a lot of books... but be careful. Some of them described me perfectly in one chapter but then started talking about how CDs are really TGs in hiding, or CDs are gay men who just go for sex hookups, etc.

[Lacey New]

Sometimes I am just happy to wear panties under my regular pants.

[Gaz]

If I had to label myself, yep... heterosexual, non-transitioning, MTF crossdresser. Part time.

For myself. I am a fan of lingerie in all forms, as well as heels. In terms of how much of that I wear, it goes in waves. Some days I'm okay with a pair of panties under my jeans, other days I'll have a bra and cami as well. Then some days I'll include stockings and heels. A lot of the time I don't wear anything femme (hence the part time bit!)

What I will say - I still have personal issues accepting myself for who I am. The only person I've ever spoken to about my crossdressing is my wife, and the vibe I get from her is something I'd describe as more "willing to put up with it" than it is supportive. I'm sure I'm wrong in that, but when I've tried to talk to her about crossdressing, she basically says that it's not something she can relate to or offer advice on, and that I should talk to a professional. This has occasionally left me feeling fairly ashamed of it, leading to the inevitable purge - but as we all know, the feelings never go away. And when it comes back, it comes back with a bang.

Reason I say this, while I've never had the urge to wear a wig/makeup/clothing before, I just came back to dressing after a five year hiatus. (We had a child, and I made the silly decision that "I need to stop doing this now, time to put my kid first." - thankfully I made the not-so-silly decision to box my clothing up as opposed to tossing it) And within 48 hours of me pulling the first item out of storage, everything has been unpacked, and I've bought some womens' jeans, a few dresses, and some tops from Lands End. I can already feel the initial surge starting to fade off, so be interesting to see what I do when the package arrives this Friday. I also shaved my beard off (at the prompting of my wife's constant complaining that its too scratchy!) and now that I'm clean shaven, I found myself looking at some basic makeup tutorials on youtube. (Despite knowing that all the makeup in the world wouldn't make me even remotely passable! :heehee:)

[Mary Lawrence]

I meet your criteria. I've been married over 50 yrs, but did not know anything about crossdressing or my interest in it until I had been married about 15 yrs. When I began, it was entirely secret. After some years, I had acquired a wardrobe of clothes and told my wife that I was a crossdresser. She did not like it, and really did not know what to think. Accepting at times, but far from it at others. The eventual result was that I realized she could never be comfortable with my crossdressing, as much as she might accept it or other gender-related presentations by other people. She married an athletic male, good at a lot of typically male activities and that is what she expected/wanted in her life. I understand and accept that, and wish to keep the peace. So, despite my preferences to the contrary, I have gone back into the closet. I dress only when my wife is away. Then, I where feminine items 24 hrs/day (never heels, however), and when I go out, I add a wig, nails and makeup. I can live with this because as much as I am drawn to crossdressing, it is not and would never be something I would like to do completely and always. I like my male attributes too much. You and your SO will have to work out your balancing act for yourselves. Good luck.

[Teresa]

I appreciate and understand SO Newbie's question but I'm saddened to read some of the replies . I also know many in the past have been critical of not being honest before forming a more permanent relationship but I see so much appeasement and compromise in so many in an attempt to remain in that relationship . I tried myself and failed after 44 years , should we really forget we are also a human beings with our own needs ? I nearly ended my life over this issue .

For many of us the whole story is a progression of events , for most it doesn't remain static , I sense that SoNewbie is hoping this may be so , is it fair to expect her BF to make promises he can't possibly keep .

In coming to terms with being TG means you're not quite the person they thought you were doesn't means you are a bad person , in fact in my case I feel I have become a more rounded and better person . Many of the replies are based on keeping the wife / partner happy, how many can truthfully say they are happy themselves ? Living in the closet wasn't a happy place for me , my unhappiness reflected in my family , it's impossible to go through the motions 24/7 . There can't be many groups of people that live through so many emotions , who live with so many labels , that carry so much guilt .

The bottom line is if we are wired this way that's how it is , nothing on this Earth is going to change that , living with the thought of it is far worse than the reality , I can now say that from experience no BS !!

I look at my new avatar and ask is this feeling so bad , am I really a bad person , do I also not have the right to be happy ?

[AngelaYVR]

I went from wearing stockings being enough to living 1-3 days a week fully done up. My wife went from horrified to not batting an eye. After doing this a while I have found balance and enjoy myself however I am dressed (I still love how I look in a suit)

[Gaz]

Teresa, I applaud you for your courage in going forward with what makes you happy, but I do feel your viewpoint is a wee bit unfair. Its not always the same situation for everyone. I certainly can't speak for any other member of the community apart from myself, but I for one am quite happy being a man - just one who enjoys wearing some items of clothing every now and again, that society has declared taboo.

And (please, I mean no disrespect here - again I LOVE that you're living your best life and found happiness!) I would even consider your cautionary tale to be a large reason why many of our spouses have a hard time offering support - that if they give us that support and encouragement, we may end up fully transitioning, and they lose their husband, our kids lose their dad. If that's the case for every crossdresser, why bother marrying us in the first place if we're just all going to eventually transition out of their lives?

From my own standpoint - do I occasionally get frustrated that my wife gives me a DADT vibe? Of course. But our marriage is a partnership, and of course in every partnership exists compromise. Many of us do make compromises in our dressing for our wives, but to assume that there aren't compromises being made to us in return is... well, assuming a lot. For all my frustration, I firmly believe she loves me and is doing her absolute best, and despite this one area that I sometimes wish would improve, there are a million other ways that my wife completely and utterly rocks my world.

[Gillian Gigs]

If you are attempting to understand your BF, then good for you. I'm a "hetro" CD'er who dresses at home very often. I underdress all the time, by that I mean I only wear nylon panties and cami's under my regular guy clothes. I love the wear skirts, with stockings, or pantyhose, heels are optional. Depending on my mood, I may include a bra, and sometimes forms. I don't go out of the house in anything that could be seen other than guy clothes, and that is the way my wife wants it. Underdressing satisfies most of my needs on a daily basis, the skirts and hosiery are a bonus a couple times a week. My wife accepts this within me, she has no problem with me dressing around the house. I hope these answers help. you.

[ChelsiR]

You dress full time but your wife hasn't seen you?

[Teresa]

ChelsiR,
I'm not sure who your qusetion is to but my wife has never seen me fully dressed certainly not as my avatar , I feel it should happen so she can finally come to terms with it .


Gaz,
The fear of losing my close family hasn't happened , I go out with my daughter and grandaughter and my son in law's mother . I still help out with my two grandsons , OK in drab mode at my wife's home .

I discovered my wife didn't love me enough , I agree most relationships do have compromises but the big problem was my wife had lost the control over me , she has eventually agreed that was a big part of the problem . She could not stop me being ME !

The feeling that society may think it's tabbo is mostly in our heads , if you read my thread about the apple pies going down well , the people I associate with have soon forgotten what the male side of me was .

Lets not also forget the increasing number of F/M TGs , I don't read that associated section very much , so I can't say how male partners react to their female partner wanting to jump gender .

[jacques]

hello Newbie,
I cross-dress at home in private a couple of evenings per week and my wife is happy with that; she say's "it's only clothes".
My choice of clothing is not really age appropriate.
Sometimes I wear women's casual sports clothing on a weekend at home.
I wear women's panties most of the time and sometimes wear tights in winter outside our home.
I have a beard and have no real desire to present as female in public.
Since joining this forum I have learnt that we Crossdressers are all different and nrmal in our own way,
luv J

[SaraLin]

Teresa, this line from your post is something I feel a need to respond to.


Many of the replies are based on keeping the wife / partner happy, how many can truthfully say they are happy themselves ?

I suspect that I'm not the only one, but if I can make my wife smile, laugh, or otherwise feel happy - I'm happy too. She is my love. Her happiness is important to me.

BUT:

I'm also happy when I can 'get my girl on', even though my wife isn't really OK with it.


This is the conflict that is my life. My happiness comes from two polar-opposite sources that can't help but conflict with each other.
Fortunately for me, my 'she side' isn't so strong that I need to discard what I have and pursue a different path.
It's a balancing act for me, and the danger of a stumble is always there. I always tread carefully.

Still - I'm about the happiest these days, that I've ever been.

[Paulie Birmingham]

On this forum, There are lots of different reasons people cross dress. For me, cross dressing is like fishing. I like to fish, but if I cant go fishing I'm ok with it. I like cross dressing but if I couldn't do it, I would be ok. I dont have an uncontrollable desire to CD. It's just something I do for fun. I wouldn't risk my job, family, etc over it. And I would still be happy. I would probably spend more time exercising or doing something else productive if I wasn't crossdressing.

But that's just me.

And my wife is supportive of me wearing panties every day, camis pantyhose. But she does thing heels and bras and dresses are a little weird. Lol. But she has bought me some womens pants and leggings to wear.

[Teresa]

SaraLin,
I had this conversation with my wife sometime ago , she wasn't amused when I said if she was happy I would be happy , she blew a gasket !! It was an innocent and honest enough statement , I knew then I was in a no win situation , the damage had been done . Perhaps you can now see where my statement came from .

[Bluesman]

I'm definitely in your target group. The degree to which I dress varies with my mood. Most of the time, if I'm dressing at all and have the time, it's a dress or skirt & blouse, panties/bra/breast forms, heels, jewelry (earrings, bracelets, necklace) lipstick. In fact, that's how I'm dressed at the moment. Very rarely apply any other makeup, occasionally toe nail polish, very rarely do fingernails. Don't have a wig and although I've sometimes considered getting one, don't have a strong enough desire for one. Strictly at home and in private except for rare occasions when my wife gets home unexpectedly and is okay with me staying dressed for a while. Sometimes I just wear a frock & panties (like in my avatar) or just underdress with panties. Or lounge in the morning in a nightgown or camisole. Sometimes I have absolutely no desire to dress at all.

[Marianne S]

Hi Newbie,

As one or two members have said, you're going to get nearly as many different answers to your question as there are people here! But I'll give you my own answer (and my own comments) as far as I hope they'll be helpful.

I do fit both of your criteria in being hetero and never having any serious desire or intention to transition into womanhood. I admit the notion of being a woman is a pleasant fantasy now and then, but that's as far as it goes. If we have any imagination at all, I'm sure we all enjoy fantasies of every kind--nothing to do with sex or gender necessarily--without ever having any intention of following through in reality!

I do have to say one thing. We CDers are all different, and even when we fit your criteria, including having no wish to transition, there still seem to be different "degrees of need" for crossdressing even within the confines of that particular criterion. From your other posts it sounds as if your boyfriend has a stronger "need" than I do. I can't pretend to know what's behind this, though I like to examine it from two separate viewpoints, namely "how comfortable do we feel in a masculine identity?" and "how much need do we have to assert a feminine identity?" Or some combination of the two.

Speaking for myself, I feel perfectly comfortable in a masculine identity, so I have no "pressing need" to be wearing female clothing all or most of the time. I wear jeans or shorts and a T-shirt, I've worn a suit and tie for years in the past. I've enjoyed wearing a tux and bow tie on special occasions--a proper bow tie, mind you, one that I'd tied myself (I'm proud of that "male skill"), not one of those elastic contraptions!--and it's all fine with me to "act those roles," formal or informal. At the same time, I enjoy wearing female clothing, and I wouldn't want to give that up either.

I do see the two personae as separate, and I myself don't like to mix the two. I'm different in that respect from a number of other CDers who like to "underdress," with panties or even a bra hidden under male clothing. In my own mind that seems to undermine the enjoyment of asserting a clear gender identity, whether male or female. I have been out once or twice wearing panties under jeans with a T-shirt, but that's "unisex" clothing anyway, so I could tell myself that despite outward appearances I was really "being Marianne." Other CDers feel differently about "underdressing," and since it's not my own experience I can't say whether it's because they're uncomfortable being "all male" or just have a strong urge to be "part female" at least some of the time. I mention this only because your boyfriend does seem to want to wear some female clothing so much of the time.

To answer your original question, I should start by telling you that I'm a "warm-weather person" who never did like putting a lot of clothes on anyway! I like to "feel free" and can't be bothered. For instance, I've always walked around in bare feet, I drive in bare feet in the summer when I can get by with kick-off sandals instead of clunky shoes and socks, and when I lived in Massachusetts some years ago I would routinely walk down the drive to the mailbox in bare feet in January in the snow. Now I live in Phoenix where it's HOT much of the time, which suits me just fine. As a result, my normal clothing around the house as a male is often nothing at all--I can even walk out to the pool with nothing on, being lucky enough to have no close neighbors--and otherwise just a pair of hiking shorts.

With that background in mind, I hope it's understandable that I often prefer not to put a lot of effort into female clothing either!--although to me, as to so many others here, female clothing is so much more varied and interesting in colors and styles than the plain old male clothes we call "drab." I've got a bigger closet of female clothes than I do male! However, regarding the lack of effort, I may be just lazy! Years ago I remember in Tapestry, a magazine for crossdressers, an article called something like "The Tired Transvestite." It talked about a number of people just like me who had put much effort into crossdressing over the years and finally said "Screw it, I can't be bothered any more, I just want to wear a bra and panties, a skirt and blouse, or whatever." Yes, I have put effort into wigs and makeup, often at home, most of all if I was going out anywhere, which I have done occasionally. But being lazy, I'd love to be able to just toss on some female clothing at times and look like a woman. However, I don't come close to wanting that enough to actually be a woman!

As a result, I pander to my laziness and just do the next best thing. I toss on some female clothing anyway, and to heck with the rest. At minimum, a skirt and panties, and a cute little half slip underneath. Nothing on top, even. Oh, a few accessories. I discard my male wristwatch (which I like as a man) for a woman's watch. Plus some earrings. That's easy enough. Shoes too. While I generally go barefoot in the house as a male, I do feel more feminine wearing women's shoes of some kind--simple sandals suffice, but other styles too. I "get it" about heels. They're fun to wear in a way, but can be painful to the toes, so what I wear in that way, and when, depends on my mood.

At other times I "feel the need" to dress more fully, with a bra and blouse, or a nice dress, so I do that too, with a bit of extra jewelry. Sometimes I wear pants, but only as part of a feminine outfit, with a bra and a pretty top. I rarely bother with makeup, though I do slip a wig on my head to walk out to the mailbox. I'd never pass at close range, certainly not without makeup, but anyone seeing me from a distance would probably imagine I'm a woman. So that's my own answer to your question. The choice of clothing is purely a matter of people's taste and preference, yoga pants, leggings, racerback top or whatever.

Incidentally I think I understand what's bothering you about your boyfriend. Even when you get past all the usual fears--"Is he gay? Will he turn into a woman?--both of which translate into "Will he abandon me for another man? Will he turn into someone I don't know?" (though the answer to both is probably "no")--the question is still "Am I attracted to the visual image of my partner when what turns me on is 'masculinity'?--and he's not displaying that." That, unfortunately, is a question you have to work out with him, which may be a matter of compromise. Women, after all, so often dress in clothing to appear "feminine" and attractive to their male partners. Whatever his predilections, your boyfriend needs to take that into account if he is to appear visually attractive to you. I hope you can sort that out between you, perhaps with the help of the therapy you've been getting. Good luck!

[SaraLin]

SaraLin,
I had this conversation with my wife sometime ago , she wasn't amused when I said if she was happy I would be happy , she blew a gasket !! It was an innocent and honest enough statement , I knew then I was in a no win situation , the damage had been done . Perhaps you can now see where my statement came from .

Teresa, hon- I'm not disagreeing with you, or anything like that. I just thought that I'd present another perspective.

I've been in relationships that my 'gender issues' received reactions that ranged from "NO WAY IN HELL" to "OH, COOL!" and it always hurt when the relations fell apart. But- I understand now that the breakups were, in the end, necessary.

I discovered that if the person you love isn't willing or able to accept your love and return it with hers, then the only thing to do is to part ways and get on with your lives.

Your wife blew a gasket because you wanted her to be happy????
She's either a total looney, or angry that you weren't giving her more ammo to use against you.
You had to get out of there, whether you wanted to or not. I get that, believe me.

I was just saying that I'm lucky that these days, I've found someone who knows about me and accepts me anyway (within limitations - for her own comfort levels). I also know that I'll always chafe a little bit at the restrictions, but not so much that I'll throw away what I have.

[Teresa]

Sara,
No problem , I appreciate a different perspective .

It is sad our marriage ended like this but I still think back to when we first made the decision to separate we both felt relieved . I do wonder if my TG issues were partly the excuse my wife was looking for . Obviously she shed a tear over the fact that we weren't going to grow old together but also she accepted it's not a good idea to go down that road just tolerating each other , I know many marriages are surviving in those conditions .

I also know it's a tough call , what are you risking , what are you likely to throw away ? I've found very little .

It was a funny moment when my neighbour came rushing back from work with a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates , he shouted across to me , " I'm in the **** ! but I don't know what I've done wrong !" I then pulled his leg by outstretching my arms saying , " Look no handcuffs !" I won't repeat his reply !!

[Judy-Somthing]

I have no interest in dressing unless I have time for full makeup and wig.

[ellbee]

Do I fit your criteria for answering this? I suppose I do, these days. :heehee:


Of course, throughout my life I've also run the gamut with this stuff. Never started down the road of transitioning, though (albeit perhaps socially, at one point).

So, with that said, I guess I'll throw my hat in the ring, FWIW...



Anyway, currently? Yeah, totally cool with how I'm presenting right now, as I type... Full-on guy-mode, women's compression leggings, panties, and women's compression top. I work a physically-demanding job, usually long hours -- so, there's also a practical reason for wearing this type of stuff after a grueling day.

Could I wear the men's version of this outfit, and be happy enough with it? I suppose I could. But that's not how I roll. :p

Besides, men in my neck of the woods really don't wear leggings as stand-alone pants. In which case? Whether from the men's department or women's, it's still viewed by most as "chick clothes."

Perfect lounge-wear & sleep-wear, really. And if it gets too chilly, I'll throw on a (women's) hoodie.


I'm an admitted introverted homebody, who's been working too hard & too many hours recently. The next couple days, I'll just be chilling & resting, which are not only welcomed, but also much-needed. And for like 95% of this time off, I'll be wearing full-length leggings & some sort of fitted top, in guy-mode. This is normal/typical clothing for me at home. I like it, and I find it relaxing & comfortable. I also live alone, so I do as I damn please! :devil:

At some point I'll have to run some quick errands. Will I change into guy-clothes for that? Probably, unfortunately. Yep, I'm a big chicken! Every year around this time, for the past few years, I've found I've lost my confidence during the summer, as I don't wear leggings in public due to the warm weather. I hate how that happens, but I guess I just get a bit rusty. At best, I've just been wearing femmy GG running shoes, with my guy-clothes (and shaved legs ;) ), in public this past summer. Fortunately, however, it's like riding a bike... Just gotta hop on the thing, now that the cooler temperatures are here.



I don't usually look like I do in my avatar. After a long hiatus, I bought a wig & a bunch of make-up back in January. I missed that stuff... And it's definitely fun to play around with it again. It's also nice to have more options.

That said, I've probably only worn it only a handful of times since then. And these days, it typically ends up a bit sexual. :o

Not so with my usual leggings & fitted-top outfits, while in guy-mode. Weird how that works. :strugglin


Not sure why once in a blue moon I find the need to go full female-mode (or as close as I get, these days). It just happens. Usually I'm perfectly content with my leggings/top/hoodie/running shoes "uniform" while in guy-mode. But sometimes when the rare mood strikes, I just want/need to get all dolled-up! I suppose guys like me share, at least to some extent, something similar with many GG's. It's this whole process/ritual/experience of transforming into a more outwardly-feminine entity -- and the end-result can be well worth it, at least in our own eyes. We like to (try to) look & feel pretty/beautiful, too! :battingeyelashes:

However, I no longer go the *whole* 9 yards anymore, as I did years ago. Things like shape-wear/padding, fake nails, perfume, etc., aren't part of my personal repertoire these days... Seems like it's just too much, ya know? And while the above transformation & result can be positive & fulfilling... I also personally find it, at least in part, to be a time-consuming hassle & too much of a chore. Perhaps why I don't do it as much these days? :thinking:



Anyway, I dunno. As mentioned, things have changed quite often for me over my lifetime. I've pretty much run the full gamut, from full guy-mode, to full girl-mode -- and practically everything in between. It's like I go through these (oftentimes) long phases, with a lot of natural experimentation & exploration, seeking to find that perfect balance -- whatever it may be at the time. :)

[Maid_Marion]

I can find just about anything in size 2 female clothes and size 7 shoes for my retail therapy. Often at really deep discounts, too!

[abbiedrake]

Hey Newbie!
At the mo I'm holding off dressing while my wife deals with cancer. BUT typically, what I did before she realised this was NOT a phase and then got her diagnosis, was wear what I want when I want. I'm more hybrid than most, I think. I still like the full femme thing but I'm also good pairing some nice heels with a suit and some jewellery and makeup. I go out like that and, wife permitting, I go a little further.
At home yeah I'd wear whatever. But without going the whole hog. Sometimes even just a dress, bra, forms, but no wig, little makeup. Mixing it up basically.
That's me.

[Sometimes Steffi]

My wife knows about my dressing, but barely tolerates it. I hardly ever dress at home more than trying on some new clothes that I have bought. I love shopping for femme clothes, shoes, jewelry, makeup, wigs and just about anything else you can think of. I shop online and in stores equally, and I try everything on before I buy it. When I shop in stores, I am usually in full male mode, but sometimes I manage to enjoy time out of the house en femme and shopping at the same time. I attend a meetup clothing swap that is almost entirely GGs. I might pass in a dark bar across the room, but there's know way that I pass close up in daylight. The GGs treat me just like any other GG, and sometimes even help me pick out clothes. There are a few consignment stores that I shop at, in addition to a few thrift shops. Except for socks, I probably have more femme things in any category than my wife has.

I often go out with CD friends, usually in CD-friendly venues, but many times mixing with the vanillas in bars, restaurants, conferences and stores. When I'm out en femme, I go all out, clothes, shoes, jewelry, makeup, wigs and nail polish if I can manage it. I underdress in panties sometime, in hose seldom and in bras never. However, I do go to my you classes as a MIAD, or more technically, a man in yoga pants and a yoga top. Many of the GGs in class appreciate my style. None of the men even make eye contact.

[abbiedrake]

Hey Steffi, nice going on the yoga!
Oh and I love your signature. Perfect.

[ellbee]

None of the men even make eye contact.

That's because they know whatever you have is contagious & that's how it's spread! :roflmao:

[Sometimes Steffi]

Oh, and I always thought you had to actually kiss the boys for them to catch it!

[susannma]

Hi, I consider myself a cd.

I think we all are diffrent, for me it can go months, even year between each time I dress up, and sometimes I can dress several times a week.

Same with what to wear, sometimes, a skirt can be enough, but a few times its nice to have a full makeover, with makeup, wig, breastforms, and female clothing for top to bottom.

I am also hopeless with makeup, so if I aply on my own, I more likly to end up looking like the Joker, than anything feminin, so when I do full makeover I tend to arange for some help. For instance have been visiting beauty saloon with girlfriend, or have a makeup artist over doing the makeup, and wig fitting.

Anyway, I think there is no "normal" here, evryone is diffrent. But from someone who are hetro, even if dressing up, I love my girlfriend equally much as when not dressing.

[Heisthebride]

I?m one of those ?you be you? types. There is no right answer even if you narrow down the group to hetero, mtf, non transitioning, or whatever. Some underdress, some only wear panties, some fully dress with makeup and nails, some will leave the house and others won?t. This isn?t just found in the crossdressing community either. Some people like golf, or fishing, or reading. Things don?t have to be categorized as ?normal?. You be you, let them be them.

[suzanne]

I stopped reading at the words normal and abnormal. I, as a crossdresser, may be considered abnormal in the sense that I am uncommon phenomenon in the general population, but others might take the word to mean I have some kind of psychological defect that needs to be fixed.

In my world, normal means healthy. MY version of normal is for me to be dressed in a skirt. And I am in no way hinting that anyone else should behave like me. When I go out dressed, the only statement I'm making is "This is me and I'm claiming my place in the world, and I'm no threat to you" And just for the record, I reject that I should be forced to behave or dress like a "normal" person.

[Cheryl T]

Personally, I have become comfortable wearing most anything in the female spectrum.
At first this wasn't the case and I'll admit it appeared to be something of a fetish. I preferred overtly feminine clothing, especially in lingerie. Garter belts, stockings, the sexiest strappy heels and so on. Over time my tastes changed. I suppose this was in part due to coming out to my wife and gaining her complete acceptance. In some ways I think I matured and now I wear all manner of clothing from leggins and a tunic (which I have on right now) to capris, shorts, skorts and skirts, dresses, slacks and jeans. T-shirts or a cute top with shorts and sandals are my summer go to. Now that the weather is changing I'm in my leggings and jeans most of the time. Yesterday I felt dressy and wore a blouse and skirt with pantyhose and heels. Tomorrow...who knows.
But yes, I'm comfortable and feel much the same in any of my clothes now.

[Michaelasfun]

I have a pile of girly loungewear that I select something from to wear after work, sans makeup/wig, and that does do it for me. Full disclosure tho, if I plan to go out its game on with everything.

[Bea_]

I'm looking for feedback from the hetro, non transitioning mtf crossdressers. (I hate to be specific in asking who the responses come from...)
That's me...


Does just lounging around in yoga leggings and a razor back top, maybe forms, maybe just the sports bra, work for you?
Yes. She's not particularly enthusiastic about sports bras and camisoles so I save those things for times when she's out. It's just now cooling off enough for leggings most days, but I do have a fair collection...



Do you like to wear a skirt/blouse and heels and just hang out at the house?

I don't own any heels and barely any girl shoes although I have several unisex styles. I own several skirts and find that I tend to go for comfort. Lots of blouses and tops. I tend to go for loose, non-form fitting dresses over skirts most of the time. They're just more comfortable to me.


Or do you need to do the full dress, wig, makeup, forms, etc...

I dress in women's clothes but I really have no desire to look like a woman. I have gray hair to my shoulder-blades, so no need for a wig. I have a beard that I have no desire to lose. I haven't done makeup other than lipstick a few times, although I'd love to see what I'd look like in the 'works'. Never done forms and not particularly interested.



I know that people are all different and we need different things, but this is me reaching out and just trying to educate myself and learn from others. I know that by hearing from others this will not make my SO's dressing 'normal or abnormal' but more of what do others do. (I hope that makes sense, lol)
Thank you!

I feel like I'm an outlier here on this site, but I'm thinking many here feel the same way. I'm hoping you and your SO find the place where you are both at peace, together.

[Gaz]

I feel like I'm an outlier here on this site, but I'm thinking many here feel the same way. I'm hoping you and your SO find the place where you are both at peace, together.

Not alone, Bea. You're not alone.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Yes, I, too, am a married, heterosexual, non transitioning, mtf cder (or maybe gender fluid).

Rule number 1 is that "Thou shalt not dress in front of me", so I don't.

However, I do go to yoga classes as a MIAD, except that my "dress" consists of yoga pants and a racerback or tank top. I might also have painted nails.

Other than that, I go out "all in" with feminine clothes, forms, jewelry, makeup and a wig. I might be in a dress, a skirt and blouse, or pants and a blouse. I might also be in "Girl Lite" mode, rearing jeans and a casual top.