Shopping for clothes and shoes as a MIAD?

[Gaz]

My entire life, my feminine clothing and shoes have been either bought online, or on the occasions its been bought in person its always been "for my wife" or girlfriend. That was okay for a few things here and there, but am at the age now where I'm sick and tired of having to buy five things and only having one fit - particularly now that I've taken an interest in skirts, dresses, and tops.

While I see plenty of commentary about shopping (the sales folks don't care) the majority of the time its by folks already going out dressed but for me its a little different - I never leave the house dressed (perhaps underdressed) and in no way, shape, or form could I be considered even the remotest bit feminine. (Think bearded, furry, stocky, and a voice deeper than the Grand Canyon- basically a taller version of Gimli from Lord of the Rings) I am 100% comfortable in that, given that I completely see myself as a man, just one that happens to enjoy wearing feminine clothing part of the time.

So to the guys who keep it to themselves, what's been your experiences shopping? I'd imagine its one thing at department stores like Marshalls or Target, where I can load what I want into a basket/shopping bag, bring it back to the mens changing rooms and try on what I want back there - but if I shop at female specific places like Ann Taylor where there are no places for men, it would be somewhat uncomfortable? And while I've heard bra fittings at VS or Soma isn't an issue, is that true for people who go in there presenting as a woman or for even a guy like me who... er, certainly wouldn't be?

[Robertacd]

Well I never had a problem trying on woman's clothing including dresses, skirts, blouses, bras, shapewear, lingerie, and shoes in stores while shopping in DRAB.

Worst that ever happened was maybe 15 years ago one SA in JC Penney made me use the fitting room in the men's department.

DRAG or DRAB you should be treated the same way in any store. If you are not, then find another store.

[CayleeMarie]

I would qualify as MIAD too. While I would love to go out dressed, I don?t to respect my wife?s wishes. She doesn?t care if I go shopping or what I shop for as long as I don?t leave the house dressed. We even shop for femme me together. But more to your question... I shop at Soma quite regularly in man mode. All of the SA know I am shopping for myself. A few even run up and give me a hug when I come in. They are all always, gracious, friendly and helpful. They have always been quick to offer suggestions for accessorizing... and offer their opinion when something just doesn?t work for me. So as long as you own who you are and treat them and their establishment with respect they will do the same for you. That experience has given me the courage to venture out into other boutiques with much experience. So be polite ask, ask questions about style, or accessorizing, and own who you are.

Caylee

[Micki_Finn]

I think you?re mistaken about how many of us ?only? shop en femme. I?m willing to bet that most girls who shop dressed also shop in guy mode. I know I do all the time. Guess what? SAs still don?t care. And even if they do, they?ll have forgotten you in a day or two anyway. People respond to your energy so if you act freaked out while shopping, peope will pick up on that.

Also, some of the loveliest drag queens I know are virtually unrecognizable out of drag and are quite masculine working. When you say ?I?m just too big and a hairy to pass?, to me that?s just pure defeatism. I might not be easy, but you CAN be the feminine woman you want to be. Sometimes it just takes a lot of skill and practice.

[Suzi Q]

Gaz,

Same as Robertacd.

10 years ago I still had a full beard and mustache and was out of town for a month. I went into J C Penny's in drab and found two dresses on the sales rack. I asked a SA if I could try them on and she said there were ladies in the rooms and I would need to use the men's dressing room. I did and came out to check them in a triple mirror. They both fit me and the SA commented that they looked good on me. I asked her to keep them while I went to the shoe department. She put them in elastic sleeves and hung them by the register while I went to another floor to look for some heels to go with them. I was returning to get them and a different SA was standing next to the aisle and commented to me as I was walking to the register that the dresses looked good on me.

I no longer have the beard and have tried on clothing, under garments, etc. and have even had SA's ask if I need help and come into the dressing room with me to check for fit, zip me up, etc. One time I was in J C Penny's and wasn't sure about the sizing on a pair of padded panties and a SA came into the dressing cubicle and checked them for fit.

You just need to be confident and ask for what help you need and they have always been helpful. I have even had other lady customers in dress shops help me zip up, take photos of a dress I tried on or have me help them with zippers, etc.

Suzi Q

[BTWimRobin]

Another drab shopper here. Shopping enfemme would be a direct violation of the spousal crossdressing agreement, Section V, Paragraph 14, which states the wearing of feminine attire shall take place in the confines of the domestic dwelling.

You might want to try walking into a Lane Bryant. The SAs are helpful and friendly. They will even let you use the fitting room. One SA did say that she has a fair number of men who come in to shop for themselves.

Good luck and have fun.

[Jessica S]

I always shop in drab. I am a stocky hair guy. Sometimes when I haven't shaved in awhile, I would underdress and go shopping at Cato, DressBarn and Lane Bryant also mosts department stores. Never had problems.

[Marianne S]

I'm afraid I have nothing special to add. I've always shopped in guy mode. Let the SAs assume it's for my wife. Never tried anything on in a store. Skirts, blouses, dresses... well, I've bought those for my wife anyway; they make nice gifts, so why should any SA suspect differently if I'm buying them for myself? Panties and bras, slips, nightgowns, delectable silk and lace... why shouldn't I want my wife to look sexy?

Some articles may seem just a little suspect, like shoes, the kind of thing you'd think the potential wearer might want to try on in person for fit and comfort before buying. But what the heck, we all know the old saying: "If the cap fits, wear it." And we ought to know the corollary too: "If it doesn't fit, take it back!" And exchange it for a different size, if they have one! That's what I've always done.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Mostly, I shop in drab. It takes me so long to dress, do makeup and change back that I wouldn't have any time to shop.

Plus, I would have to find someplace to change, like a friends, a bathroom or my car. Yeah, it's a pain.

I would have to violate two rules to dress at home.

1. Thou shall not dress where I can see thou (dressed).

2. Thou shall not leave the neighborhood dressed.

But I still shop and try on in drab. I usually limit my male outings to dressbarn where I know the SAs are friendly, or to Macy's, Kohls or Steinmart where I can take the girl clothes to try on in the men's dressing room. Once, I brought several dresses to the dressing room attendant at Burlington and just tried them on. I think they were laughing, but the dresses were really cute and I didn't care. I did the same thing at TJ Maxx.

Just remember who has attended dressing rooms. Marshalls and Target both do.

Over Christmas, I went into Forever 21, Zara and New York and company and asked to try on dresses. No problem and no awkward looks.

En femme, I'll go anywhere.

But, I dress like a girl, not a MIAD. YMMV.

As for the comments, a little word trickery might help.

"It's for me, but it's not for me" is a good excuse to buy anything.

If the SA says, "That will look good on you", you can reply

"I sure hope it does" (sarcastically)

"No, it's not my size" (humorously)

If you throw in a little sarcasm or humor, you can deflect a direct question. The SA might still think she knows, but will ease up because she's not sure. She doesn't want to upset the customer, or she knows that she shouldn't

One of the fun things about shopping for yourself in person is that you can own it and have a nice conversation with the SA.

I go to a local Meetup clothing swap that's 96% GG. There's usually about two of us representing the TG spectrum. I always have a great time talking with the GGs. It's even better than the clothes that I come away with.

[Stephanie too]

I am relatively new to this and have done nearly all shopping in drab. I'm still a bit uncomfortable.

I try to buy clothes at places where self checkout allows me to avoid looking at someone while they are ringing up my XXL dresses. I am, however, becoming more bold and naturally expanding slowly beyond this.

I've only had the courage to try on clothing were I can be discreet. The Old Navy store has dressing rooms for everyone in one place at the back of the store. I will also hide dresses under male clothing when using the dressing rooms at Target.

Reading the othee posts I realize I lack the courage of others but remain cautiously optimistic I may get better with time.

[docrobbysherry]

Gaz, in my 22+ years of shopping, (always in drab), not one SA's ever asked me that!:brolleyes:

If one ever does, I'll tell her. In my experience they just don't care! :straightface:

By the way, I usually wear a full beard and stash!:heehee:

[Tracii G]

Gaz you are the only one that cares what you buy in a store.
Its you that has the problem and thinks the whole world will see you and say OMG that man just bought a ladies garment so he must be gay.
There really is nothing to be afraid of because after all you are a big strong manly man right?

[GeorgeA]

I bought many items in stores even in the old days when transvestism was very much looked down. But most my purchases these days in on-line as it is much easier to find what one likes and is careful to select the correct size.

If one is embarrassed buying in person that feeling last perhaps 5 mins and then you leave the store and everything is back to normal. If the SAs talk about you so what? Out of sight out of mind.

[Rachelakld]

I often turn up in steal toecap boots and wok uniform, beard normally only gets to 5 days.
Been okay trying on womens outfits in womens shops without any issue todate (okay I'm 5,9 and 85Kg with a number 4 hair cut)

[susan54]

There have been many threads about this. I shop in 3 modes - fully dressed as woman, as man in a skirt or dress, and as man. I always try things on however I am dressed (I bring a bra and forms with me if I am not wearing them) and shops are ALWAYS helpful including upmarket boutiques that only carry women's clothes. It is a CD friendly world in retail. I speak for the UK especially Scotland.

[JaclynL61]

I often shop in drab mode. I think it is always best to let the SA's know the items are for you, if they ask. They often ask things like "shopping for anyone special?", "what size is she?", etc. I think I feel more comfortable when I'm being honest. You will also be amazed how helpful the SA's can be when you engage with them. And yes, they are there to sell stuff. Comfort with using the fitting rooms can vary. It depends on what I'm buying and how crowded the store is. The SA's often ask if I want to try them on or just head to a fitting room.

[Remee]

I mostly shop in drab at Kohls, Ross, JCPenny, Victoria Secret, Macys, AnnTaylor, Express etc and never had any issue.

[Teresa]

Micki,
NO , can't do it anymore !! The SAs maybe OK but I feel very uncomfortable now , so I've stopped doing it .

Gaz,
I get the picture , I appreciate it can't be easy . I always made sure I had my sizes written down , I would ask the SAs to help me out with something for my wife or daughter and then hand them the piece of paper saying they have written the sizes down but of course if the don't fit they can always return them . To a point that does prevent too many mistakes and annoying returns , most SAs appeared to be OK with the explanation .

No help to you but I'm so glad that is all behind me now .

[StevieTV]

I've never had a problem, with the exception of a young man in Montreal what questioned my purchase of a sleep gown and pjs. He asked if they were for me and I responded, You wish. That was years ago. Today I purchased a nightgown along with leggings and the sales clerk didn't bat an eye.

[marika_jaye]

I'm in the same boat as susan54, in that I'll shop in whatever I happen to feel like wearing on that particular day. I've shopped for dresses, etc while wearing my work attire (and you bet I went into the fitting rooms to make sure everything fit!), in a t-shirt, skirt and sandals, and in full femme presentation.

I used to fear the employees at the store until I realized they're much like doctors and nurses -- they don't shock easily and they've likely seen it all before. Now that I've arrived at that conclusion, my confidence is the same no matter how I'm dressed.

[suzanne]

I've stated this mang times before, but you might not have seen it, but you should just go into ANY store you like, make your selection and ask the sales staff to set up a fitting room for you. As simple as that. The S.A. has the option of refusing you, but that has never happened, at least to me. (As for my MIAD look, picture Terry Bradshaw in a dress)
My experiences over the past 5 years tell me that professional dress sales people actually ENJOY helping a crossdresser find that special something. Not just tolerate, but enjoy. I find this works better in dedicated women's stores, where the staffing is more consistent and they can get to know you personally. In a big department store, it's always someone different so they never seem to know you, but there's still not a problem with men trying on dresses.

In short, the biggest problem is your own fear, and once you overcome them, it is a ton of fun

[Tracii G]

I have made friends with a few SAs over the years and to them by you being secure in your manhood and having the guts to admit the items are for you tends to intrigue them.
They most certainly won't think you are gay they will probably find you interesting.

[Helena]

I shop dressed or in drab, though far more in the latter. Quite comfortable now going through the racks. Only yesterday I was in Asda looking through the half price sale and the other shoppers didn't give me a second glance.

I am quite happy to own that the clothes would be for me, but my one stumbling block is trying them on. As many stated, it only my own fear. I managed to try a couple trousers in a charity shop.

[jjjjohanne]

I never present female, but I do go out in public in a skirt or dress on occasion. I have shopped in drab or in a skirt. When in menswear, I have said, "I am shopping for me." Other times, I have not mentioned who it is for. The sales people are oblivious sometimes. Other times, you can tell that they assume it is for me and they accommodate in how they speak to indirectly tell me what I need to know, just in case it is for me. On one occasion, a sales person walked by me and leaned in an softly said, "You can try that on if you want to."

I have had sales people who were uncomfortable with me. They were still helpful, but there was a noticeable difference in how helpful they were.

[SherriePall]

I have shopped many times in the past en drab. I once listed (I think) here all the different stores where I had done that.
For the past several years Dress Barn was my go-to store, with many different SA's. But the last couple of years I had a favorite SA who, I think, actually looked forward to my shopping there and helping me. Alas, that store has closed in my area and I haven't had the chance to drive to the next closest one. (I'm still kind of upset that they closed my store)
David's Bridal was also a wonderful store. Again, one SA looked forward to me and enjoyed having me try on gowns, ripping them off displays just to see how they looked on me. (no bridal gowns).
I used to go underdressed many times, carrying other items to complete my look. Once-in-a-while I would go completely dressed.
That's my story.

[Lana Mae]

I had been buying everything on line with a few local purchases in drab! I went to Cato in drab and was looking at jeans and the SA asked if I wanted to try them on! I said if you don't mind! Well, I never bought any jeans, but I returned dressed and bought a gold top, gold and black pants and some boots! My first local place trying items on! SA were nothing but nice! Hugs Lana Mae

[Gaz]

Thanks for the responses, all. Am sure the vast majority of the stigma is in my own head as many have said, but even this past weekend... was at a local DSW with my wife and daughter. The kids' clearance section was in the same aisle as the womens' size 10 clearance shoes, so while my little girl was eyeing all sorts of Paw Patrol and other nonsense, I cast a stealthy eye over what was right next to it. But within about 30 seconds of arriving in the aisle, a store employee decided it was time to do busywork by moving boxes around and basically watched me like a hawk the entire time. Not a "is there anything I can help you with?" or "Aww, your little girl is cute, what size does she need" or beyond it, just feigned organizing boxes while uncomfortably staring at me. Finally asked her "Ma'am, is there something you need from us?" and got a mumbled "Er, no.. sorry" and she went further down the aisle, but continued watching. Of course, could be that they've had a spate of thefts from the kids' clearance section in recent weeks, but still - that's the sort of stuff I always seem to get when I even go near a womens' section, even though that day I had "good reason."

- - - Updated - - -

Another fun attempt today. Saw online that Macys was having a sale on bras, so decided to order a couple and opted to have them picked up at a local store since they only had one in stock in the size I wanted. Got the text saying that the order was ready, so hopped in the car and headed off.

Got there at 11:00am, shop was nice and quiet, and began forming grandiose plans of shopping in the lingerie section for a few more. Found the pickup desk, and was greeted by a pleasant elderly lady. "Good morning dear, how can I help? Oh, and online order, I'll be happy to help! Do you have the barcode or the order number? Great, let me just look that up..." Demeanor completely changed. Apparently her computer screen showed her a photo of me with a warning of some sort. When she looked back up from her screen, it was with a look of what can only be described as contempt.

"I need you to slide your drivers license, and I'll go and get your... items."

She returned after a few moments, holding two bras up as if they were made of toxic waste, and plopped them on the counter in front of me. At this point there were a couple of people in line behind me ready for the show.

(Ugh) "Do you need to try them on?"

Uhhhhh, no I'm good thanks?

"Ugh. Fine. If they don't... work for you, then you can return them in 90 days as long as the tags are still on." Shoves them towards me and waits.

Um, can I have a bag please?

"Oh, yes. That'll be ten cents please."

*hands over money, while woman puts on a show flicking the bag open repeatedly and tossing the bras in*

Left, feeling my ears absolutely burning in embarrassment. In hindsight, should have asked for a manager, or better yet made a complete fool of her by saying "Y'know sure I should try them on, in fact can you perform a bra fitting for me?" On the way out, noticed jeans were 40% off, so decided to get myself a pair. Lady at the checkout was far friendlier, and chatted politely as she rang me up. Then stopped at Marshalls on the drive home just to see what they had, and browsed without giving a damn. (And nobody batted an eyelid.) Tried on two pairs of dress slacks and a skirt, which the lady at the changing room obviously noticed when she gave me the garment count tag of three. And on the way out asked if any of them worked for me, and when I said "Um, no all too big" she said "Well, THAT'S a nice problem to have!"

[Stephanie47]

I think how one approaches purchasing women's clothing is based on life's experiences. The treatment you received at Macy's is totally uncalled for. Yet, those experiences do mold how a man purchases women's clothing. I've been around for more than seven decades. Totally an old fart. I've been married for almost fifty years, and, I am still in a DADT marriage. When my wife was a petite five foot two, 34 B woman I loved buying her lingerie and unmentionables. I bought her day wear as well as night wear. Since I was six foot one and 175 pounds it was relatively obvious those articles of clothing were not for me. Female sales associates were always helpful and accommodating. They seem to appreciate a guy who had the balls to enter the lingerie department and buy his sweetie sexy lingerie. Many times i detected a little bit of envy. Once I got a rave review from a more mature middle age sales associate after I brought a red nightie to her counter and asked if there was a matching panty that would go with it. It was all too obvious that she appreciated the fact I knew a woman would want to don a panty after a toss in the hay. "Good thinking" she said as any woman would say who would don a panty under a nightgown.

Yet, if I ventured into sizes that would fit moi, there was a little shift in treatment of the "man in the lingerie" department. Back in the day I would easily wear a size 38. Some sales associates were more than a little standoffish. A snide comment here and there. Sometimes, as I have related about an adventure to a Catherine's, shear terror that a well dressed man would enter the domain of womanhood. Surely, a guy who would wear women's clothing has entered "our" world. No thought the guy may actually be married to a woman of the size Catherine's is geared towards.

Anyway, life's experiences and the potential risks govern how we act. It took me awhile, a little bit of trial and error, to master woman's sizes for my male body. Yes, some on-line and in-store purchases have been donated because I guessed wrong. I know what size bra, panty, slip and hosiery I wear. I know what style of dress works for a tall guy in a dress, with and without wig and makeup. I stay away from dresses with a defined waist since those are usually for the generic size woman; five foot six or seven. It's sheaths, wraps, empire waist and such for me. Thankfully, on-line retailers as well as most ebay resellers give the dress length from shoulder to hem.

Would I like to have the confidence to shop and try on dresses? Sure. It's out of my comfort zone. Maybe at Halloween I would be able to muster the courage. I use to buy shoes at Payless at Halloween with no hesitation. And, a wig or two. I'm in my comfort zone. Maybe it's time to hit "submit reply" and head over the the OP's other post.

[suchacutie]

The only time I got stopped heading into a guy dressing room was in Old Navy in San Francisco oddly enough. I had a couple of pairs of womens jeans, and the women metering entry to the changing room asked if I realized they were womens jeans. I acknowledged that I was aware and that was it
She did look askance but if she had said another word I was ready for her. I just owned it and the moment passed. I wear womens jeans in both gender presentations.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Got there at 11:00am, shop was nice and quiet, and began forming grandiose plans of shopping in the lingerie section for a few more. Found the pickup desk, and was greeted by a pleasant elderly lady. "Good morning dear, how can I help? Oh, and online order, I'll be happy to help! Do you have the barcode or the order number? Great, let me just look that up..." Demeanor completely changed. Apparently her computer screen showed her a photo of me with a warning of some sort. When she looked back up from her screen, it was with a look of what can only be described as contempt.


Why would there be a picture of you and a warning about you on her computer? I would have asked the manager about that one, along with telling her about the ladies' extremely rude behavior.