Neighbour reveals the truth !.

[Teresa]

Just to briefly retell the situation with my neighbour . Not long after I first met them I called in to ask if they could take care of my dog for a few hours , I sat in the garden completely forgetting my painted nails , I apologised but then the husband turned to his wife and said, " he's got better nails than you !" His wife stood up as we assumed she was going to make the coffee but she never returned . I still believe she was not amused by being compared and since then they both duck and dive in their front garden when I appear as Teresa .

Today I had to visit my family so before setting off I took the opportunity to pop across the road and ask if he could give me a lift with a fridge which I need to dispose of . We were having a little banter about my situation while carrying the fridge when the subject came up about what his friends and family thought about having a TG neighbour as many had obviously seen me, he said , It's hard to know what to say when my neighbour looks more attractive than my wife !!" So there we have it the truth is out !

So now it raises the question of who does have the bigger problem ? Is it possible his wife is jealous or has he actually made that comment to her and she's naturally upset or does she think he might have some attraction to me from comments he may have made ? I always felt the problem lay at their doorstep but I did say that I hoped he hadn't made that comment to her as I thought she would more than likely be upset by it . I've also noticed his wife has changed her appearance , she's gone blond with a style not unlike mine .

Sometime ago my wife made the comment that it's not all about me , in this context she was right .

This also reminds me of the thread posted by Bobbi when she was told by Charles not to come to his front door as Bobbi , I said at the time that it's possible you have touched a nerve in Charles .

[docrobbysherry]

I think u r over thinking this, Teresa. If u REALLY want to know they think? Ask them!:heehee:

[Teresa]

Sherry,
No way I'm treading in that minefield , it's their problem to defuse not mine !! I'm not sure how you can suggest I'm overthinking this as he's now told me the truth .

[CayleeMarie]

Hey Teresa,
From the outside, it does seem like a somewhat awkward dilemma. And, I would agree that it is his problem to figure out. My first impression of his comments is that he has no filter and no regard for how insensitive his observations are to his wife?s feelings. You may be correct in speculating as to their avoidance of you. If she has changed her appearance, as you suggest, she may may feel like she is competing with you and is jealous of the positive attention her husband is showing you. I would probably read that he has hinted at some interest in you in his comments to his wife.

My two cents...
Caylee

The question that arises in my mind is what people think about his having a TG neighbor have to do about anything. It seems like a jab at his wife and being a veiled compliment towards you.

[Bobbi46]

Teresa, I think you neighbour s have a big marital problem anyway, for him to make that comment about your nails in front of his wife makes me think there is a degree of strife going on between them but also he is an absolute fool to make such comments in the first place; i would also vouch for the possible fact that in fact they do not get on well with eachother and may even sleep in separate bedrooms. As we did!

[Lydianne]

I think it's unlikely that he's attracted to you straight-up. It's not impossible, but I think it's more likely that he wishes certain details of your presentation upon his wife.

I can imagine it's probably more difficult to maintain the initial level of desirability as the wife of 20+ years dealing with the demands of daily life and the stresses & strains that puts upon a relationship over time than to be the new woman next door with something to prove. She might have put some of her presentation details on hold in favour of being more focused on meeting those demands, but with those details, even disadvantaged by her familiarity compared to your newness, she would most likely have a higher ceiling than you. ( She's genetic, right? She stumbles out of bed with a higher ceiling than you ).

But from your point of view, you've confirmed that they don't hate you; so I think you should be satisfied with that and not push for more. ( Unless you believe you could go toe-to-toe with her as a woman and hold the affections of her man for some 20+ years - which I think would be ambitious ). So it might be an idea to keep future encounters with him short, focused, and, whenever possible, in the presence of his wife. No need to draw unnecessary attention to details of your presentation in front of him that he might use to pressure her. Yes, he seems to have a filtering problem, but you might be more likely to balance both their friendships that way.. at least until some harmony between them is restored.

- L.

[char GG]

Hi Teresa,

From what you have revealed about your neighbor, my gut reaction is that he is an insensitive jerk toward his wife. Who knows if he is as uncaring in real life as he sounds.

A husband who cares about his wife's feelings, would not make comments about anyone else's appearance in comparison to his wife.

Perhaps he has been doing this for years (not just about you - but others also) which has caused his wife's unfortunate reaction.

[Teresa]

Bobbi,
Yes he has told me they now sleep in separate bedrooms .

Caylee,
It does appear we are competeing on various levels . The husband is a very down to earth but slightly outspoken guy , he has done a plastering job for me being his trade and we often talk about house projects . He was very impressed with my renovation work in my living room , he told her so she then had him redecorate their living room . I guess I may be a little confusing to her when most of the time I'm dressed as Teresa and yet putting my new home in order .

Lydianne,
I also agree it's more unlikely that there is an obvious attraction and more likely he would like his wife to make changes . Neighbours further afield have seen me and most do wave to me , perhaps one of them has made more suggestive remarks in front of his wife which hasn't gone down well . I have no intentions of competeing for the husband , we do get on fine when I'm in male mode but she has never had a conversation with me since the incident with the nail polish .

As far a keeping harmony , I don't go out of my way to upset them , in fact last Xmas I left them a bunch of roses and a bottle of wine with a card wishing them a Happy Christmas and also thanking them for being good and understanding neighbours , as I did the neighbours either side of me . He came to my door slightly annoyed telling me I shouldn't have done that and I received nothing in return .

[Jean 103]

I think Char is right.

Yes they have problems , but you do too.

A single woman moves in next to a married couple what is the proper protocol? It would be for the SW to ask the lady of the house if it was ok to barrow her SO for whatever. A guy would address the man of the house who would than ask his SO if it was ok for him to do so.

As a guy you are fine, but as a women you are going around his wife. It's the way women see it, if you want to talk to my man you best ask me first. It is not always that strong, but believe me it is there.

Obviously you have a business relationship with this guy, but where does that stop and a personal one start?

The solution would to make friends with the wife, if that's possible?

This is similar to Bobbi's thing.

Representing as a women, women are your friends and allies. This is your in, make friends with all the women and she will come around.

[IleneD]

Teresa,

Great to read your little story about neighborly interactions. Quite humorous too.
It made me think, however.
One of the conscious things I have always done in regards to my dressing is "not compete with The Wife". I don't try to get into a Pretty Contest, for the sake of peace all around, and it seems like a polite way to defer.
As I read your story it occurred to me that the same might apply to neighbors too. You may end up being the neighborhood Fashion Plate, and unconsciously 'out-doing' the surrounding ladies. That could be at least an issue, perhaps a problem. But.... the same would hold true for any other 'new' woman.

Good luck. It sounds like your neighbor may also be taking it all in good fun. Enjoy their company. Hey, ..... they already know.

[ellbee]

What a total jerk this guy is!


Of course, nobody here, including Teresa, knows what exactly has been going on behind the neighbors' closed doors, perhaps for years/decades. :strugglin


And maybe, just maybe, what he dishes out in public, is only pay-back -- and a mere fraction of what *she* says & does *to him*, in private.


:thinking:



Teresa, unless you're willing & able to play marriage counselor, if I were in your heels, I'd probably try to keep my distance from this couple, as neighborly as possible...


My 2 pence, anyway.

[Rachelakld]

My ex, used to like wearing boy clothes (those "work uniform pants and top") - pretty much everyone on the planet dressed more attractively.
It's like she didn't care about anyone, even me being attracted to her. One might say, she dressed in such a way I was not overly keen to be seen with her or even in the same house. It wasn't just the clothes, it was also the disinterested attitude and she became my ex.

So yes, I would have also tried using your style to promote my then wife to dress nicer ( unfortunately her attitude was stuck ).

Luckily I live in a country that has "no fault" divorce, so I wasn't forced to stay in a crappy relationship.

[Helen_Highwater]

Teresa,

If this guy's a plasterer then remarks such as those about your nails sound like me to be building site humour.

I wouldn't be surprised if while he's working youve come up as a topic of conversation. A "Guess what, we've got a tranny living opposite us. Dresses better than my misses". "And no, I don't fancy it before you ask!".

Yep, the marriage might not be the best and given what you've posted in the past I'd keep any interactions to a minimum for a while. Let any (plaster) dust settle.

[Teresa]

Helen,
I feel you have it in one , he is that kind of guy .

Ilene ,
On the humorous side , his old work van is finally being replaced , he hasn't taken delivery of the new one yet but I joked with him saying that I'd already painted his new signage for it reading , " Get plastered with S*** !" In the UK getting pastered also means having too much to drink ! He does like his Whisky .

Ellbee,
She very much wears the trousers in their home , so I'd guess it's his way of getting even !

Jean,
This whole question about competing could be a subject of a new thread . Since writing this thread I've been wondering if I have stirred the neighbours up . The lovely lady on my right side has made it obvious I out dress her , she actually thinks it's great and has also made it clear she doesn't think much to the attitude of the couple across from me , in her words , " She has the problem , not you !" . The couple on my left side keep a lower profile but when they were painting the fence I had a long chat with the wife , she actually did say I looked very nice when I returned from shopping . I also noticed she has started to wear makeup more . I did also have a joke with her husband when he asked if he could paint my side of the fence so I asked him what shade of pink had he chosen !!

So what is the problem with competing ? At what level am I a threat , if that's how they see it ? When I first came out to them all I made it clear I wasn't gay , so they shouldn't see me a threat to their husbands , so it begs the question how much do they trust them . The lovely lady on my right has been married twice so she knows all about husbands having affairs , we really do get on like a house on fire .

Jean I can see exactly the confusion you mention , I'm OK being the fun guy next door but I can't be the fun lady , I can't communicate through her because she doesn't talk to me in either mode .

[Jean 103]

Teresa. Be yourself as they all get to know you they will adjust.

My neighbors see me in both modes. I don't like to do this, I prefer to just show people one or the other. I feel it is less confusing. Also I don't discuss my sexual preference with people, we are not dating so it is non of their business.

It is not a competition exactly, more of an awakening. I have witnessed this, as I pretty much always overdress. It is impossible to know what people are thinking, even talking to them you have to read between the lines. I have witnessed my friends dressing better, they will even like come up to me and make sure I notice. I believe all women want to be pretty, than there is life and reality. There is a bit of envy , I wish I were that thin, could wear that.

My roommate thinks she has the best of both worlds in me. A friend to help with anything from construction to dress making.

Just continue to be you, there is no need to hide who you are. You'll see, the world will adjust as they all get to know you.

This is what I have found, and I have more friends than ever.

[Teresa]

Jean,
The sexual preferences came up in a conversation with the guy in question when I went to ask if they could look after the dog . They were both in the British Army , he told me the story in front his wife of when she went to the training camp she, had never come across lesbians before so she was shocked . In the same conversation he also said at one time I would have been " Duffed Up !" for doing what I do especially in the army . At this point I told them what my sexual preferences were to put the record straight .

Doyou feel your roommate is being fair , I feel I'm trapped in that inbetween state because I'm very capable on the consrtuction side but also very capable on the artictic side , I find it so hard to say no because so many people know this , I have to admit the construction side is wearing thin after so many years of doing it .

I can't argue with just being you . Only today now I've started to renovate my kitchen , I had to buy a new hob unit and new extractor and sink taps and then go onto the builder's merchant to choose worktops , I have to say the sales people were great I was just comfortably me , we had some fun .

[Stephanie47]

On the surface this man may be an "insensitive jerk," however, we really do not know what has been going on behind their closed doors? Has there been some discussions going on between husband and wife? Has he made comments behind closed doors concerning his wife's appearance? I always have to chuckle when comments are made about a husband/boyfriend having a wandering eye. I see nothing wrong in appreciating a well dressed and groomed woman. It's another thing to act upon it. The same can be said going the other way.

In the real word I have observed these neighborhood dynamics or in the work place when a man or woman "dresses up" and the catty comments start. Just this week one of the women who teaches at our local elementary school stopped at our home to drop off somethings. She was wearing a dress which is a rarity at elementary schools these days. She was wearing spiked four or five inch heels. Her hair and makeup looked great. I made a comment about her appearance to my wife, especially about the heels since she has to teach a class for six plus hours each day. My wife said she always dresses like that. That's her style. I am sure every male in the school notices and every man in her neighborhood notices. So, if a guy notices what should a wife do? Slap the crap out of him for noticing? Or give me a friendly nudge and tell him to stop staring? Does the wife feel confident in herself and this will not bother her? Or, she feels inadequate and becomes annoyed or irate?

It appears to me Teresa is unintentionally showing up these neighbors. It's their problem, not Teresa's. Maybe there is a realization that they have "let themselves go" and need to do some self improvement. Before anyone gets irate with me, it is the same for a guy.

[Teresa]

Stephanie,
Interesting point from your example , " That's her style !"

So take my example , if I had transitioned or was a GG my appearance would be my style end of story . I'm back to this problem again of having to resort to male mode on occasions and they only choose to make contact with me as such . No one is bothered with my style in male mode but I've a style that suits me as Teresa , I'm comfortable with it , I feel it's not OTT , as Jean points out, I now need to stick with it and just keep doing it .

[Gillian Gigs]

There is a problem any time a husband says to his spouse that another person looks better, or has nicer ______ (fill in the blank), than she does! I think that walls would tend to go up really fast. To complicate matters, he said that you, Teresa, had the nicer _____ than she did. Well, now she is being compared to a guy, CD, TG, I can only imagine the fireworks going off. I know in my case, one of my wife's biggest fears is that I would look better than her. She freely admits that I have great looking legs, especially when I wear hosiery and a skirt. There are areas that any CD'er has to tiptoe around, even with an accepting wife, as an example, I tend not to wear heels while in hosiery and skirt. I figure having two out of three half of the time, is best to keep the peace.

Take heart, there situation sounds messy, and you just seem to be the poor person getting caught in the middle.

[char GG]

I'm going to chime in once more.

Just my opinion, but I would avoid this couple other than a pleasant "hello" if you see them out. They sound toxic (to me) and I'm sure you don't want to be in the middle of that. It's not really your problem.

[Felicia M]

Teresa -

this story is fascinating and yes, what a minefield! As others have stated he definitely comes off as a jerk or at a bare minimum has no filter. I feel for the wife as I think its pretty clear she is being compared to you
and from the sounds of it emotionally scarred over years of marriage. From everything you have stated it sounds like you have been up front and clear with both. From my point of view this is definitely
their problem and I cannot imagine what you could say that would make a bit of difference.

I think the only thing you can do is be you and hope things smooth out over time but I wouldn't bet on it.

FM

[Jean 103]

Char. I suggested that the first time Teresa brought them up in a previous thread.

Teresa, my roommate is great. We do everything together, she is disabled so I help her alot. I really don't mind. She is ten years older than me. When we are out she gets way more attention with that purple tipped silver hair, than I do. And she has the personality to go with it. I would also like to use her to make a point. She has worked as a framer and retired as a long haul truck driver, driving her own truck. One of her sisters also drove truck.

Just because you wear a dress doesn't mean you can't do anything anyone else can do.

If you want to live a gender fluid life then just do it, there is nothing wrong with it.

It is a bit much/exhausting at times. I do it, I'm completely out, I work as a guy and live as a TG person, representing female. Other than work, if someone will not talk to me in a dress, well then we will not talk. It is that simple, so far it has not been a problem. I introduce myself as Jean. If it is something where I have to show ID, I simply say "and this is my legal name". I haven't run into anyone that will not continue to use Jean after doing this.

[Teresa]

Char,
I try very much not to see people like that , I will always attempt to be a good neighbour , I'm still there should they have the need , OK perhaps it's sad I can't totally rely on them . At least I can say I haven't intentionally tried to upset anyone .

Jean,
I prefer not to live the gender fluid lifestyle but we all have to accept life isn't perfect , no matter the circumstances the male part is never totally eradicated , even my TS friends have proved that .

As for the name , I'm so glad I decided to use the femme version of my male name , I'm sure it's helped me slot back in easier with new and older members of my art group , OK they do keep tripping up with the HE/SHE label ,I just gently correct them . It's early days but I'm more than happy how it's going .

[Jeri Ann]

...but we all have to accept life isn't perfect , no matter the circumstances the male part is never totally eradicated , even my TS friends have proved that.

This is absolutely NOT true. You cannot speak for everyone just because you have some TS friends.

[Teresa]

Jeri Ann,
I know we've had this debate before but I still have to meet someone where this fact isn't true whether they have transitioned or not and I personally may never do so . I accept you have , evenso they are a very small minority .

At moment the UK is seeing many F/M who wish to de-transition , many are finding they haven't lost some or enough of their female side to continue as men .

[Sometimes Steffi]

So what is the problem with competing ? At what level am I a threat , if that's how they see it ? When I first came out to them all I made it clear I wasn't gay , so they shouldn't see me a threat to their husbands , so it begs the question how much do they trust them . The lovely lady on my right has been married twice so she knows all about husbands having affairs , we really do get on like a house on fire .


I'd like to double down on what Gillian Gigs says (#19).

I think that a woman has a right to be upset if she's compared unfavorable to another woman. And it's twice as bad if the woman she is being compared to is really a man dressing as a woman. That, IMHO, is the problem in being in competition with a natural woman.

[Rogina B]

Teresa,You are not being validated....You aren't living in a neighborhood of gender professors at the local university...They have had no exposure to what goes on in your head so expecting understanding is pointless. Because,from day one of moving in,you did not present as female,most likely the guys see you as a "twink"...And the plasterer is looking to get what he isn't getting at home..You could become the reason for him being kicked out...

[Teresa]

Rogina,
Sorry way off the mark , the couple are very much like my wife , I don't comply . Also how can I know what goes on inside their heads , I may never know what goes on behind their closed doors , so I may never know if I've touched on a nerve with them . I can't and won't be held responsible for him being kicked out , the situation has been created in their home not mine .

You often hark back to this but on my moving day it would have been impossible to appear dressed , I walked out of my old home to follow the removal guys and left my wife and sister in law in tears on the doorstep .

Steffi,
The question is competing as what , a threat to the wife or a threat to the husband

[Rogina B]

[QUOTE=Teresa;4400547]Rogina,

You often hark back to this but on my moving day it would have been impossible to appear dressed , I walked out of my old home to follow the removal guys and left my wife and sister in law in tears on the doorstep .
/QUOTE]
You have lots of past posts about "coming out" to your neighbors.Now that lack of gumption is biting you on the butt. The refrigerator moving was a guy/guy thing. And the other guy thinks of you as feminine. Not to mention the fence painter when you mentioned pink for your side.... And it wouldn't have mattered any different if you left your wife wearing a dress....

[Bobbi46]

The big thing i get from all of this is the mere fact that there is obviously trouble between the wife and the husband I would venture this trouble is deep rooted and not linked to you moving in near them but your degree of femininty must be a grating point between them? yes for sure he is a jerk saying what he did comparing your nails to hers but at the end of the day I would not like to be in the middle of their marital difficulties or more seriously a divorce.
I would if I was you politely distance yourself from them for a while at least, let the dust settle to a degree between them, by being friendly ( and yes it is good to be friends with the neighbours) is all well and good but with where they are right now your very being might be a factor of their discourse, the wife possibly sees you as some sort of competition so I would back off, leave them to it.

[Teresa]

Rogina,
Simple logistics , I couldn't have moved my fridge alone , he wouldn't have helped me as Teresa . As for walking out my old home dressed , I'm sorry but how many here could have done that in those circumstances , could you ?

It's quite a joke now with my other neighbour about painting my side of the fence a shade of pink , they have gone from ducking and diving to being fairly sociable even the wife now having a long conversation with me when I returned from shopping dressed as Teresa . I'm not giving up on the neighbours across from me , that is what I would call using some gumption , my sense of humour is winning them over . OK at times they may laugh at me rather than laugh with me , I can live with that .

[Rogina B]

Rogina,
Simple logistics , I couldn't have moved my fridge alone , he wouldn't have helped me as Teresa ..

Why not ? If he only knew you as Teresa,a woman,then I bet he would have helped . You are too close to your situation to see what some of us see with it. And,if I was leaving home to live life on my terms,I would have no problem doing it my way.Your wife was mad,no matter what...

[DaisyLawrence]

Sometime ago my wife made the comment that it's not all about me , in this context she was right .

She may have said it but you weren't listening. Clearly it is, and always will be, just about you.

I've read your and Ro's exchange and then read your OP several times to try and see what you actually want out of writing it. And, alas, it seems it's just like all those old "You wear dresses and skirts better than a real woman" threads all over again. It seems the required response is for us all to say:

........Oh yes his wife is jealous because you are a way more attractive female than her (or any other genetic woman for that matter) and yes I'm sure he fancies you and I'm sure his wife went blonde to try and emulate your natural feminine beauty. Gosh I wish I could be you.

Happy now?

[ReineD]

Is it possible his wife is jealous or has he actually made that comment to her and she's naturally upset or does she think he might have some attraction to me from comments he may have made ?.

Jealous of you? No. Not unless she suspects that her husband might be attracted to males. You did say they know you are a birth male.

Upset if he told her that you are more attractive than she is? Of course any wife would be upset if her husband told her that he was more attracted to someone else, male or female, than her. Wouldn't you be upset if you were in a good relationship with your wife and she told you that she thought someone else was more attractive than you (male or female)? I would.

Does the wife think her husband is attracted to you? If she is secure in the knowledge that he is hetero, then the thought wouldn't cross her mind. If he has given her cause in the past to believe that he may be attracted to men (they both know you are male), then she might think he is attracted to you if he was stupid enough to tell her that he believes you are more attractive than she is. But I doubt any husband would be that stupid?

You've posted this situation with these neighbors before. So now I wonder if you relish the prospect of the husband preferring you over his wife. Do you see this as some sort of competition? Would you like it if the wife was jealous of you?

Edited to add:

I've just skimmed through some of the other posts in the thread. If the wife did update her hair and is dressing up more, and if they are sleeping in different bedrooms, one possibility might be that she has a new lover. lol

[Eemz]

I have a different take on this, having been on the wrong side of an emotionally abusive relationship myself.

There are only 2 reasons for telling your partner that you think someone else is better/smarter/prettier/funnier/whatever than they are. It's either (a) a one-off accident that you feel bad about or (b) a deliberate attack on their self-esteem. If it happens repeatedly then it's (b).

The sex or gender of any of the people involved is irrelevant, and the person being compared shouldn't take it as a compliment; it's just another stick to beat the partner with. You're being used as a pawn in establishing or reinforcing a bad power dynamic, nothing more.

ReineD said:
> I wonder if you relish the prospect of the husband preferring you over his wife.
> Would you like it if the wife was jealous of you?

This, plus Daisy's reply.

> one possibility might be that she has a new lover. lol

She needs one by the sound of it :) Run away, run away.

[Teresa]

Reine,
My basic problem is to resolve why they choose to duck and dive when I appear as Teresa . The bottom line is I try get on with everyone, OK I'm a little naive in hoping for that .
I see it as them making fools of themselves for a ridiculous reason , I know if I stop dressing now in front of them it won't resolve it because the problem is on their doorstep not mine .

All I've done in my thread is repeated what he said to me and posed the question WHY , what prompted him to say it ? I sincerly hope he hasn't repeated it to his wife and told him as much .

I'm in no way interested in any relationship with either of them apart from being on good neighbourly terms, I can do no more but still don't fully understand the competition question possibly because I don't know what goes on behind their frontdoor and what has been said .

Eemz,
I do feel there is some truth in your reply , there does appear to be a tit for tat relationship , he does often tell me he still loves his wife , I wonder at times who he's trying to convince .

Daisy ,
Believe what you like , you've always been a great one for spouting BS !!

Rogina,
My moving day was a day from HELL ! I hadn't gone full time at that point , what you're suggesting could never have been a reality . Besides all my clothes were carefuly sealed in boxes so no one at that point knew what I really planned to do , I didn't even believe I could pull it off myself.

The UK legal system let me down badly , the right to the property doesn't happen until the final payment has been cleared legally , the removal guys sat in their truck at 1.00pm outside my new home with all my belongings but couldn't off load until I had the keys . It was a wet ,freezing cold February day , I was going demented outside the estate agents waiting for the transaction to clear , I finally collected the keys at 4.30pm by which time the removal guys were threatening a surcharge payment . Flashing through my mind was my marriage had just ended and I was about to start a new life alone , the last thing on my mind at that point was which dress I should have been wearing to wave goodbye to my wife in !! How the hell could I also have appeared in front on my new neighbours as Teresa ?

I don't believe I am too close to the situation all I know is I may be making some mistakes and openly talking about them , please don't make me feel like some criminal for doing so . Is your life so perfect ??

[Robertacd]

Reine,
My basic problem is to resolve why they choose to duck and dive when I appear as Teresa

Why is it so important to you?

Don't these people deserve to feel the way they feel?

If someone doesn't like or accept me, that's their loss not mine.

[Genifer Teal]

As we age it's easier to switch to blond hair color especially when you're trying to hide gray hair. The Roots don't show as easily. That could be the reason not knowing all the details.

[ReineD]

Reine,
My basic problem is to resolve why they choose to duck and dive when I appear as Teresa . The bottom line is I try get on with everyone

Not everyone is going to like you. And it's really not your concern why they don't like you. You can't impose your pet theories onto them, it doesn't work that way and you don't know them well enough.

It's a big world out there. Just be the friendly face that waives hello from across the street and then go on about your business. Find someone else to help you move heavy furniture.

[Lydianne]

My basic problem is to resolve why they choose to duck and dive when I appear as Teresa . The bottom line is I try get on with everyone, OK I'm a little naive in hoping for that .
I see it as them making fools of themselves for a ridiculous reason , I know if I stop dressing now in front of them it won't resolve it because the problem is on their doorstep not mine .

I am reminded of myself as a child struggling to believe that other people could see in the same way that I could. I used to want to get into their heads and look out through their own eyes to confirm it. I can't remember a particular time when I grew out of that, but eventually I took it for granted to the point that I stopped thinking about it!


Although I find your answers 'not awesome', I'm pleased you have written them. It explains something to me about you that once led to a previous thread from you being deleted ( purportedly at your own request ). However, I can't complain about the consistency because this episode demonstrates that it operates against you just as effectively as it operates against others when it comes from you.


I'm going to suggest to you that if Teresa were to meet a cis version of her former self, she would struggle to get acceptance.


Based upon what you routinely write to those here whose needs necessitate a non-binary presentation ( basically pressuring them to go full femme ), despite the head-start that your experience of gender struggles should give you, you struggle to accept them because you can't understand the root-to-branch of what they do. Therefore, a cis version of yourself would not accept you for the same reason.

And based upon this thread, you ( as Teresa ) would struggle to accept that the cis version of yourself does not accept you.

Nevertheless, you hope for acceptance from the general public, and you mostly get it. They do not know why you do what you do because even we do not know that about ourselves. They would generally not be able to empathise with gender struggles because they do not experience them. So they accept you on blind faith - something that you are incapable of doing for NBs despite your knowledge and experience.

Sobering, no?

- L.

[DaisyLawrence]

Daisy ,
Believe what you like , you've always been a great one for spouting BS !!


Oh no, someone said something I don't like, let's just tell them they talk nothing but bulls**t and ignore the possibility that most of the membership might agree with them.

Anyhow, as you are incapable of hearing anything I say maybe you should read the replies form Reine and Lydianne and try to step out of your little binary box so you can actually understand what they are saying for once. Thing is, you can lead a horse to water.........................

[ellbee]

I've been doing some more reading & thinking, since my last reply...


Back in the day when I was younger, prettier & more adventurous ( :sad: ), the more I was finding myself out in public & interacting with all kinds of people, while I was all dolled-up.

And as such? The more & more predicaments & situations I suddenly found myself in! Keep in mind, too, that I had absolutely *no* experience to fall back on with all these new, confusing & (at times) quite surreal dilemmas. Certainly one heck of a ride.


Not to make light of all this, but seems to me that apparently Teresa has been getting a good taste of this, herself. :heehee:



Anyway, is this neighbor-guy simply dealing with this stuff as best he can, as perhaps he's never had much, if any, interaction with someone like Teresa, by innocently-enough saying & doing the things he does? Quite possibly, who knows.

Or, is there something a bit more behind his words & behavior? :strugglin


I ask this latter question because, at least in part, I know how some guys can sometimes operate. And one could certainly make the case that, "Hey, here's a potential opportunity I've never had before. Kinda weird & different, but ya only live once! And the way my home-life has been going lately? Maybe a bit of discreet & no-strings-attached 'kinky fun' might be just what the doctor ordered!"

There are some guys out there who have been pretty much hetero their whole lives. Given a certain situation, though, at the right time & place, with the right person? Hmmm... :thinking:

Remember, hetero guys are not only attracted to GG's, but they're also attracted to the feminine presentation -- sometimes even *already* knowing ahead of time that there's a natal male somewhere under there. And as long as the hetero-guy would potentially do what he normally does with GG's? Well, would it really be so "gay," per se?


I'm not necessarily agreeing with all this. But, this can be an example of the kind of mental gymnastics that an otherwise-hetero male may be wrestling with in his head (and in his pants :heehee: ).


I don't know the whole truth to this situation... No one here does. I suspect the neighbor-couple, however, is privy to certain information that we are not (as that's only between them behind closed doors -- as well as inside the guy's mind).



Anyway, I'll leave off with this, for now...


I would gather that a photographer with decades of experience would probably not only have a natural eye for detail that others might not pick up on, but who can also mentally visualize the *whole* picture, as well.


Bottom line? You're the only one here with the camera, Teresa. ;)


P.S. I can only speak for myself, but I'd be curious of any new key developments, should they occur somewhere down the road. :)

[Crissy 107]

ellbee, That is a very interesting prospective on what may be going on here and I believe it has some merit.

[Helen_Highwater]

Teresa,

I feel tbe best thing you can do at least for the immediate future is go arms length with these neighbours. By all means wave, wish them good morning, "How are you?" Hasn't the weather been awful". All the the usual neighbourly banal chit chat and leave it at that. Even if they initial more by way of conversation, without appearing rude, make your excuses to leave, "An appointment to keep, a train to catch" and then seek to rebuild at a later point if you sense that their relationship has improved.

If it remains toxic then you're always going to offend one or other of them.

[Teresa]

Reine,
I guess I'm trying to not to make people hate me , possibly too hard . You are quite right , to him and other neighbours I am the just friendly face who waves , time can only tell if I can expect more than that . I still must consider myself lucky that all my neighbours have accepted me outright without hostility .

Lydianne,
I had to think hard about your 4th paragraph , you are correct in saying I'm not comfortable with the NB label , I wouldn't say I'm pressurised into being femme , I know I'm more comfortable in that state . Even now I still struggle at times in the belief of what I do , I could post another thread on this subject after a couple of incidents recently where other people apparently believe in me possibly more than I do .

Maybe it all boils down to the couple across from me still cast doubts in my belief , as I'm afraid my wife still does . The fact my neighbour said what he did confused me , I'm getting a mixed message from him which I can't quite get my head round .

My acceptance on the whole has been more than I ever expected , I'm beginning to think less about the reasons why and just get on with life . If people want to talk I'm prepared to listen otherwise I know leave it alone .

Interesting point , if I wasn't TG would I reject Teresa ? I'm inclined to say no I wouldn't . That also goes back to accepting people for what they were in my photography business , yes I did meet the weird and wonderful but all in a days work . I've also done quite a bit of charity work , mostly on the fund raising side , there are so many people in this World far worse off than me and most of us on the forum . Very often a disability is only a disability if others make it one !

ElleBee,
I'm sure the first part is more applicable than the second part but that is all an assumption , I may never know what makes the couple across the road tick .

Helen,
There is a difference between being toxic and a lack of understanding , I rate very few people toxic , they have reasons for that behaviour . I've had enough counselling to realise that fact .

[ReineD]

Reine,
I guess I'm trying to not to make people hate me ,

Well, as I mentioned earlier, you have no control over others. Hate is likely a stronger term than necessary here, possibly neutrality or dislike is a better one as regards your neighbors, but people do have vast and complicated backgrounds and influences that have absolutely nothing to do with you. And so if they don't warm up to you, you cannot possibly impose your pet theories as to why they don't, not even that the wife may be jealous of you. lol. There could be dozens of reasons why they don't want to hang out with you and so the best you can do is seek friendship elsewhere. We've all had to do that in life, whether we are CD/TG or not.

[Teresa]

Reine,
I do feel the husband is trying to be a friendly neighbour . I will admit I'm stuck with my situation at the moment , I'm renovating my kitchen now and he's offered to help with any heavy lifting and tidy up the walls and ceiling , he's also offered use of his trade account to reduce my costs . He's basically paying me back for me cutting his lawns when he was away on holiday . As far as the dressing is concerned it's going to take time , he may not understand me but I feel he respects me . If I hadn't been so open from the start he may have given me a much harder time but we've chatted about famillies so he knows what I've sacrificed . I admit I'm still confused over the comment he made , it would be nice to know what prompted him to make it .

[ReineD]

Don't worry about his comment Teresa. And don't worry about his wife. I'm friends with one half of many couples - this is rather common.

I wouldn't come onto him though, not while he's married, just in case his sexual attraction to genders is rather flexible. This means try to dress the way you would dress as a guy when you're doing renovations with him, even if it means loose girl Tshirts, girl jeans, and girl construction shoes - not clothes that show off boobs, bootie or legs. And try to stay clear of sexual innuendo when talking to him. :)

[Gaz]

I had to think hard about your 4th paragraph , you are correct in saying I'm not comfortable with the NB label , I wouldn't say I'm pressurised into being femme , I know I'm more comfortable in that state . Even now I still struggle at times in the belief of what I do , I could post another thread on this subject after a couple of incidents recently where other people apparently believe in me possibly more than I do .
Oh, for the love of...

Teresa, you should probably think even harder about that fourth paragraph. Lydianne was referring to your attitude towards other members of this community - notably those of who view themselves as nonbinary - and your unwillingness (at least seemingly) to accept that those of us who don't conform to what you believe. You've made it clear that you are a trans woman, to the point where you're currently crowing about your next door neighbour mentioning that you're more attractive than his wife, but those of us who are happy dressing part time, or staying indoors, or not out and about 24/7 seemingly aren't "doing it properly" in your eyes.

You might notice I've been a member for quite a few years, but don't have many posts. I avoided the site because, well, because of you. I recently came back after the pink fog descended out of nowhere, and in the past two weeks I've seen you:

- Criticize people for not respecting the TG of view in a thread specifically about MIADs, because YOU identify as TG.
- Tell someone who was a part time dresser and struggling with it that everyone who crossdresses has gender dysphoria because YOU have gender dysphoria.
- Criticize the SOs of various people for not being supportive enough, even inferring that their marriage wasn't sustainable since they would never accept them, because YOUR wife wouldn't accept YOUR situation.

And that's just off the top of my head. Its just a constant "enough about you, lets talk about me" stream. And that's not support Teresa, its tone deaf. If not flat out condescending.

I'm not saying the above to be mean or petty - and since this site is all about tolerance, it might even get me kicked off. But Teresa, it has to be said. Repeatedly. IT'S. NOT. ALL. ABOUT. YOU. There are HUNDREDS of people viewing this forum at any given time, but only a dozen or so choose to participate. There are so many people out there who are confused about their crossdressing, married men who have been just enjoying wearing panties every now and again in secret and are wondering what it says about them, young kids who have been trying on their sisters/mothers stuff and are worried about the same, and are on here looking for some sort of advice or guidance - and you're banging around here claiming everyone has gender dysphoria, wives are unsupportive and its only going to end in tears once it all comes out, and speaking of coming out even though I say repeatedly that I'm straight, I'm kinda excited that my next door neighbour fancies me.

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