Baby steps...

[Felicia M]

Just wanted to post a few thoughts from the weekend.

On Saturday my wife and I went to the nail salon near home and got pedicures. It is the first time we did it together and she was incredibly supportive even prompting me to. I got this ridiculously gorgeous pink color called Ahoy from China Glaze. My nails are stunning and it made me so happy. Just totally giddy. Afterward we went and did some shopping and I said I didn't want to smudge the polish so I wore my flip flops the entire time. I just didn't care that people saw me with pink toes and it was so much fun. When we got to Target later in the day I commented on how the comfy/sweat pants in the women's section felt so comfy and lovely and the men's are like sandpaper lol. She agreed and was totally fine with me picking out my own pair. She wants to go back next week and let me pick out a top to go with them that is super comfy as well. I may just get a pink one!

Slowly but surely I know I am getting closer to coming out to her. I'm not ready yet but I know the day is coming. It makes me feel better every time I push the boundaries and she doesn't even flinch. In fact in some ways she makes me push them more. In all honesty I think I have more of a hang up over telling her than she will. She is such an empath. But at the same time I'm terrified. The unknown is still unknowable. So for now...baby steps.

FM

[Rhonda Jean]

I think you're already out to her and you're doing it exactly the right way. I'm consistently against coming out in some kind of statement.

[Stephanie too]

I agree with Rhonda Jean. Sounds like she's just waiting for you to move forward.

[Micki_Finn]

Sounds like she may be one step ahead of you to be honest. I wouldn’t be surprised if your ”coming out” was rather anti-climactic.

[Felicia M]

Thanks Rhonda - that means a lot. For me it seemed the natural way to progress. I don't think I have it in me to make a statement. It just feels right at least to me to slowly emerge and let her be comfortable with it.

Agreed Micki - it will probably be totally anti-climatic and I am crossing my fingers that it turns out that way.

Kim - I am definitely trying to assess how much she knows but at the same time I cannot be sure. I slowly broach subjects and listen the best I can. For now I am happy to just slowly move forward and figure out the next step.

[BTWimRobin]

It does appear that you're already out to her. It also appears that she is accepting of it. Take it slow and when the time is right have a conversation about it. Good luck!

[docrobbysherry]

Felicia, I don't mean to throw cold water on how things r going with your SO, but I'm worried!:straightface:

If u 2 went out and had your nails done and it never came up in the conversation, why? U may have communication issues!:sad:

My ex would have grilled me all nite long until she found out why I would do such a thing!:eek:

[Palaina Nocturnus]

Hello Felicia,

Well now this is a fun situation lol I'm happy you're becoming more comfortable with the real you and expressing it on the outside.

I think you're doing the right thing. My in laws are very um how do I put this. Open to almost everything, they're wild hippies lol biker kind of people, I don't know lol anyways they see me wearing the sparkly flip flops with my toes and finger nails painted. They've seen me looking very feminine but not dressed fully. They've never batted an eye.

When I met them my MIL said I was the only man able to pull off wearing the cute sandals that I have lol I then told them if they had AAAAAANY questions about me or my background or my interests to just ask. I post on FB that their daughter and I are attending an LGBT Pride event but I never post pics.

They never ask. I'm sure if I came out officially they'd say they already knew blah blah blah.

If she brings it up then go for it, be honest. If you can't take the suspense then ask her one day for her opinion on how you look in a skirt or ask her to do your makeup and choose an outfit for you. Or just be blunt lol

I hope whatever path you take ends up being positive and strengthening for your relationship!

[Felicia M]

My ex would have grilled me all nite long until she found out why I would do such a thing!:eek:

LOL.....fair enough Doc. As I said my wife is an empath. She's been a crisis counselor. She is a genetic counselor by profession and previously in a hospital setting in Brooklyn NY, so she has seen a very broad spectrum of the human condition. In essence I believe her counseling experiences give her a different perspective into the human psyche. She's seen a lot of unnecessary emotional pain and suffering and would not want to inflict that upon others. She's also a very open person. She grew up in Montreal, a very progressive city and much like NYC, people experiment with sexuality, gender, relationships etc. She also lived in Kyoto, Japan and has a deep appreciation for anime which is known for blending gender expression and is littered with characters who do so.

To her she knows gender is fluid. Even with our son she does not want him to be force fed societal rules about gender and patriarchal societal expression. When we are with my niece who lives in NYC, my son gets his nails done with the mom's and his cousin.

In essence she is totally comfortable with the societal changes that have been and continue to take place and I think in my case she would be happy as long as I am happy. At least this is my hope and for now she keeps living up to that expectation.
FM

[NancySue]

Have you ever heard oh female ESP? Trust me...it?s there. My bet is...she already knows, so the ?stage is set?. Take the leap of faith...tell her. I, too, was terrified...betting the store she?d bolt but to my surprise and relief, she accepted my telling her. Then we took it slowly....lots of discussions, Q & A, reading, etc. Now, she?s supportive. Best thing I ever did. Hopefully, the same will work for you. Best.

[Angela Marie]

How we come out to spouses, significant others, etc. varies. I told my present wife on our second date. I knew she was someone I was going to get serious with; so I thought it was only fair she knew up front. She was fine with it and actually went out with me a few times. She realized thats not her cup of tea; but she has no issue with me going out and even helps me with my clothing and makeup choices. Your wife sounds like she already knows and is supportive and thats great.

[WendyB]

I wish I told my wife before we got married. There were so many chances but I never got the nerve. Funny how I get the nerve to venture out in a dress but not enough to do that...

[Felicia M]

Palaina - I need a pair of sparkly flip flops to go with my lovely painted toes! Your in-laws sound totally awesome and I bet they wouldn't bat an eye if you came out to them. I'll keep taking my steps forward but I love your suggestions.

Nancy - oh yes!...female ESP. And your right she probably knows but I'm still terrified.

Angela - long story but my dressing was completely dormant when we met. It honestly didn't cross my mind at the time. When it came roaring back a little over 2 years ago we were already 8 years into our relationship. It's awesome to hear
that you found someone so accepting.

Wendy - I know what you mean but at the same time I completely understand not saying anything. It's a blessing and a curse but in the end so worth it. Best of luck.

FM