Guilt slowly fading...

[Thatgirl417]

Heyy so Since i could remember I cd but after my cd session I would feel super guilty depressed and want to self harm because I felt like a let down to my parents, family etc. Now these feelings are slowly dissolving. Has this happened to anyone else?

[Gaz]

Heyy so Since i could remember I cd but after my cd session I would feel super guilty depressed and want to self harm because I felt like a let down to my parents, family etc. Now these feelings are slowly dissolving. Has this happened to anyone else?

Yes, although not to the extent you're describing - if you're ever contemplating self-harm, please don't do it and speak to someone instead or call the trans helpline 877-565-8860 (no, thats not to say your transgendered, but they can offer help and support)

For my own situation, my cd sessions would come and go over the course of a few months where I'd dress here and there but never really for more than an hour at a time. At some point, I'd start feeling ashamed of it, or like you said guilty that I'm letting myself and my family down so take it all off and put my guys' stuff back on. After a couple of months of doing that, I'd either emotionally crash and throw everything out, or I'd put it all away. (And a few months later, when the "pink mist" came back, I'd either pull it all back out, or spend a fortune shopping)

I'm in my 40s now, and its only the last year or so I've really stopped that. My urge to wear still comes and goes, but when it does come (and its visiting now!) I'll wear my clothes and shoes at home all day until I either need to go out, or my kids are coming home.

[Thatgirl417]

I don?t think I could ever hurt myself because I have people to live for but I?m Glad I?m not the only one that goes through this type of thing. Hope I never purge again. Thank you for your input Gaz its very much appreciated!

[Teresa]

Thatgirl,
Over the years it's part of the territory , I'm afraid it takes time to accept yourself whether your concerned about parents or a wife the feelings are the same .

Please don't treat self harming lightly if your situation really feels that bad please seek professional help , family and close friends would still prefer a live CDer rather than a dead one . You have joined a forum to seek help , so it's a great step in the right direction .

[Thatgirl417]

Iv come to realize that self acceptance is one of the hardest things to accept but it?s getting a little easier each day! Thank you Teresa

[Tracii G]

Guilt is a common thing among CDers so there are many that feel the way you do so don't think you are the only one to feel that way.
It takes time to sort thru all your feelings and sometimes it takes people years to overcome it.
Never understood the self harm thing so I hope you get help for that.

[Gaz]

I don?t think I could ever hurt myself because I have people to live for but I?m Glad I?m not the only one that goes through this type of thing. Hope I never purge again. Thank you for your input Gaz its very much appreciated!

Anytime. You need to vent, lemme know.

Most of us bang around on here complaining about whether or not our wives/family accept us without first actually accepting ourselves for who we are, and being labeled a crossdresser in today's society is still pretty taboo. From guys who just like to wear panties once in a blue moon, to those who live full time as a woman (although I guess at that point it's less crossdressing and more trans), the so-called "real world" decided that these things are bad and deviant, and some of that always is going to get absorbed. The whole thing is a catch-22 situation, since I think if that social taboo didn't exist, I bet there'd be a heck of a lot more guys walking around in skirts or dresses - but that taboo won't disappear until it becomes more of the norm.

Meh, what do I know.

[Teresa]

Gaz,
I'm sorry but I find your comments a little misleading , again it could be the difference between the UK and the US and we don't know where Thatgirl is based . CDing doesn't carry the taboo label as it once did . Iv'e found the RW doesn't find it bad or deviant , I'm out everyday and it really does feel very normal .

So much of what you describe is locked in our heads , that was something my counsellor worked on , I couldn't go on living with a headful of assumptions I now know she was right .

[Thatgirl417]

I?m in the us btw i have only been a member for a day and you ladies have certainly shown me support iv never gotten. Joining this forum is the best choice I made in a long time! Thanx again!

[Gaz]

Gaz,
I'm sorry but I find your comments a little misleading , again it could be the difference between the UK and the US and we don't know where Thatgirl is based . CDing doesn't carry the taboo label as it once did . Iv'e found the RW doesn't find it bad or deviant , I'm out everyday and it really does feel very normal .

So much of what you describe is locked in our heads , that was something my counsellor worked on , I couldn't go on living with a headful of assumptions I now know she was right .

It's not what it once was, certainly, but if you think that the world is suddenly an open and welcoming place for crossdressers, then you're not paying much attention to the media where crossdressers and trans women still get attacked or beaten in public. And while yes, your experience in the UK is great, there are still quite a few countries that would consider it a criminal offence.

Happy for you that your own experience has been a happy and positive one, but its not the case for everyone.

[Macey]

You have nothing to be guilty about, there is nothing wrong with you!

See? Didn't that work good? Like waving a magic wand and now suddenly you don't feel guilty! :D

Hun, I really, really wish it did work that way, I really really wish I COULD just wave a magic wand and you'd realize that you're fine, there's nothing wrong, and no need for guilt.

I am SO happy to hear that it is already dissipating! You be you, I'll bet you're already a wonderful person no matter what clothing you chose to wear!

[Crissy 107]

Thatgirl, I think it is a common thing to second guess ones self with cross dressing especially in the beginning. It does take time to accept this part of yourself and please understand you are doing nothing wrong with dressing. There are many posts here about the self doubt and then purging everything. So many of us, including myself, have purged but I will never do that again.
You have certainly come to the correct site and feel free to ask any and all questions, there is a wealth of information here.
Good luck and never feel you are alone.
Now go get the required 10 posts here so you can have much more access.

[WendyB]

My guilt is fading too but I don't think it will truly be gone. I've been to therapy and it helped. Purging has just gotten too expensive and the quality of clothes has increased...

[Jean 103]

Think it is a pretty common thing that many go thru. I did.

The turning point for me was when I accepted it, this is me, just the way I am.

Now it is all normal, I'm out and live in the RW. I don't watch the news, I just live in my little world here in S0-Cal.

[CayleeMarie]

Indeed the self imposed guilt that we feel is a common thread with many of us and it manifests itself in a host of different ways. For me, like many, I have experienced my fare share of rather experience purges only to have the desire return more uncontrollably than before. With the acceptance and encouragement of my wife, and the admonition from her to not purge again without talking it through with her first, I am starting to embrace my alter ego as a beautiful part of who I am.

[JenniferMBlack]

I use to have those feelings of guilt. Now i don't. I feel like due to then i have cheated myself out of dressing how i want and doing what i want. I am going through a rough patch with my SO i think in part because i am doing me. I do have some remorse for that but at the same time she knew in part how i was from the start.

[Stephanie47]

Darn straight this happens to many of us. I did my time in hell (1960's) when I was a teenager. Back then the common belief was men who wore women's clothing were homosexuals, although the terminology was a lot vulgar. That caused a lot of angst, self denial, self hatred, etc. There was no information readily available. There was no internet.

I read your other recent posts. One of the worse feelings is having your loved ones reject you. I read your wife had been more receptive to your cross dressing before marriage. However, after a child her position changed. Not uncommon. Not uncommon for a woman to change her mind often on this subject. Hopefully, with time she'll come to realize your cross dressing desires are only a small part of you. I would also recommend you do not push her into anything she feel uncomfortable doing. If you negotiate acceptable boundaries do not unilaterally change those boundaries.

[Devi SM]

Guilt is a "natural" answer to transgessions to some basic principles of life like moral issues. In my case it was one of the symptoms of gender dysphoria, had to deal with that all my life because a deep religious background. My solution was to understand that I wasn't doing anything wrong but just expressing my real inner. Our mind ir really complex and we always need help from outside to find solutions radical that hurt ourselves. I recommend you look for therapist but related with lgbt issues.

[Alice Torn]

I can sure relate, to the guilt and shame. I have been very religious, and now spiritual, and it is a never ending conflict in me. I learned from a homosexual friend, of many yrs, who nearly ended his life, and is in the same religion, that forbids it, that he had to finally accept that it was part of him, but not ALL of HIM, and balance himself. I have had to accept that CDing is PART OF WHO I AM in this life, but not the whole of me. We are very complex beings. I purged eight big bags and boxes of Alice things tow yrs ago, and said i would try to never dress again. But months later, the urge was so strong, and i have six dresses now. I sure wish i had not purged all my shoes and wigs, and so many wonderful dresses!! I have to keep it from taking over my whole life, though, and be careful with meeting admirers. I have a "no penetration sex" rule. I am 65 now, and still single. And I do it partly, i think, because my dad never wanted sons, just daughters. And, i never got to have a SO, or wife, and starved these days for female beauty. The guilt comes and goes. I think , when i am too ill and old, i will stop, or when i die, I know i will stop. I wish i had never had the strong mental and emotional urge to do it, as my life has been lonely and so much isolation, and sorrow. But, it has been strong since early teens.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Yes, although not to the extent you're describing - if you're ever contemplating self-harm, please don't do it and speak to someone instead or call the trans helpline 877-565-8860 (no, that's not to say you're transgender, but they can offer help and support)


I just heard a talk about suicide. We were told to put the Suicide Lifeline number in our phone: 800-273-8255

FWIW, I went to therapy. My first therapist taught me to like myself (without guilt). My last therapist taught me to love myself.



Darn straight this happens to many of us. I did my time in hell (1960's) when I was a teenager. Back then the common belief was men who wore women's clothing were homosexuals, although the terminology was a lot vulgar. That caused a lot of angst, self denial, self hatred, etc. There was no information readily available. There was no internet.

Yeah, I remember exactly that, and the 6-letter F word. My dad was very homophobic; he would have been devastated. I never told him.

[Tammy Lynn Tx]

It took me many years to get past the guilt. My sister would partially dress me as her kid sister, but we had to keep an eye out so Mom or our two brothers wouldn't catch me. After she passed away I didn't dress again until both brothers had left home. My Mom caught me several times and gave me one of my sisters night gowns to sleep in. Mom also drove it into my head to never let anyone see me in dresses. We were religious and As another Lady here said, "transvestites" were an abomination and doomed. It took me into my 30's to realize I could be religious and wear dresses. We came here with a task... Mine was learn to live with the burden of living with myself ( at least one of them)

[docrobbysherry]

Thatgirl, many years ago I discussed my dressing with a therapist. After a few minutes she said, "I don't see that as a problem. Let's move on to your real problems!"

However, I was still filled with guilt and shame from ny closet dressing when I discovered cd.com 12 years ago. I wrote about that and quite a few here told me, "Why? U aren't hurting anyone or doing anything wrong!" Over time, I realized they were rite! Now, the guilt and shame have vanished. I go out dressed often with other T's and have told my immediate family.

My life is so interesting and rewarding now. Simply because I can be Sherry with no guilt!:)

[Helen_Highwater]

Thatgirl,

Joining here is probably one of the best moves you'll ever make.

Without forums like this CD'ing can be a lonely place. We feel isolated, alone, unable to share. You have no points of reference to gauge yourself by. The societal values drummed into you as a child are deeply embedded.

Those values are changing. True the world isn't a fully accepting place but the problem doesn't sit with us. It sits with the knuckle dragging neanderthals, those of little brain and much less humanity.

Self acceptance is a path that requires a first step to travel down. Take heart from all those here that firstly you're not alone, secondly if we don't feel that guilt, why is there any reason for you to?

Look, there are many other things that lay heavy with some of us me included. I'm one of those in the closet to all but that's because I'm afraid of what I could loose if I come out, primarily a long marriage. I've learned that it's part of me, I manage my life to accommodate both sides. Guilt is something however I don't feel. If discovered then I won't apologise for dressing, it's who I am. I would apologise for not having the faith in those around me and keeping this aspect of me hidden.

Good fortune in your coming journey.

[Elizabeth1980]

Sometimes Stephi - My dad was very homophobic;
Mine too, when he watched a discussion on LGBT issues recently he said ‘ there’s too much gayness in the world today.’ I don’t talk to him about my crossdressing, as he wouldn’t be able to relate to it at all, or accept/tolerate it.
Alice Torn - And I do it partly, i think, because my dad never wanted sons, just daughters
My Dad isn’t like that, he just wanted sons. I think my Dad has a dislike or fear of femininity in general, especially in men. When I was growing up I was drawn to the femininity of my mother and older sister, but not drawn to the macho things my brothers liked such as kickboxing and weightlifting. I tried to be interested in more male-oriented things in order to fit in at school, but as I got older lost interest in them and accepted myself as a crossdresser.
Thatgirl417 – I used to feel like I had let down my family/parents too, but no longer feel that way, as I am acting as a carer for them – they are both frail/elderly, so I help them with buying groceries, cooking etc

[jacques]

hello Thatgirl,
your post has made me realise that I don't feel guilty about dressing any more - so many thanks for that.
I had forgotten that I used to feel guilty.
Now, perhaps with the help of this forum, I realise that I am not doing anything wrong and that I am not the only crossdresser in the world. Crossdressing is a perfectly natural thing to do.
Perhaps because I can dress whenever I wish the pressure does not build up.
I do feel a bit guilty now about having so many clothes - but that not unpleasant!
luv J

[Stacywright]

Crossdressing is fun and playful. you should only feel disappointed that playtime is over when you go back to boy mode

[Judy-Somthing]

I never wanted to hurt myself but I remember purging everything quite often and saying I'm not going to dress anymore.
Well I was able to quit, at least the purging!

[Thatgirl417]

Wow thanks for all the feed back and support! I?m kind of speechless after all the kind words and everyone?s willingness to open up and tell me their stories it really does help a lot thank you so much!!

[Bobbi46]

I don't see why one should feel guilty at all about dressing, does it hurt anyone?no, is it against the law? again no, dressing is a very real part of me, has been deep down for many years, surpressed because of job requirements and dopmestic strife but now I am fre to be just me and I have known that dressing is not sopmething one can just dispense with one day unless one is experimenting and finding out about life and where one fits in. For the most part dressing is embedded deep within each and everyone of us. It is something not to be fighting with but something which should bring peace of mind and contentment with life in general.
So I say NEVER feel guilty about dressing you are doing what your mind tells you is the right thing to do so go with the flow and enjoy what you have.

[Teresa]

Gaz,
Only ThatGirl can clear this situation up when she feels safe enough to give us some idea of where she lives .

I'm not saying these incidents don't happen in the UK but there are very few reported ones , maybe you could make it clearer what your comments are based on . I also know about the problems in some parts of the World , I guess we are still the lucky ones .

[Sometimes Steffi]

I don't see why one should feel guilty at all about dressing, does it hurt anyone?no, is it against the law? again no, ....


It may no longer be against civil law, but many consider it against religious law. Many of us have been shamed at one time or another about CDing or even thinking about CDing.

Frankly, I'me glad I lived long enough to get over the guilt, and to meet "fellow travelers" who enjoy it as much as I do.

[Mickitv]

I feel the same as you do when I dress but I have learned over time that this is who I am and accept it. It is not easy but at least there is light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there sweetie.