How foolish is this idea?

[Davina Katherine]

Background:
I (boy-me) work at a mental health agency.
There are rainbow triangle Ally signs on lots of office doors.
I am not Out at work.
Folks at work can dress up for Halloween.


The Idea:
I have this strong desire for Jessie Mae to come into work on Halloween in a witch's costume.

I don't know why I want to do this, I just do.
My wife has not tried to dissuade me.
A therapist colleague friend at works is like, "Why not?"

The thought both terrifies me and calls to me.

Somebody talk me out of this.

[Joyce Swindell]

The only reason it terrifies you is because you're a CD. Any other guy would shrug his shoulders, if it was suggested to him, and say sure. Opportunity is knocking...open the door. :)

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Do it with confidence & have fun !!!

[Robertacd]

I believe most of the reasons have been covered in this thread https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?267092-Halloween-the-unofficial-Cross-dresser-s-Holiday

[Patience]

No.

I’m going to work on Halloween as a woman in a Star Trek uniform. I’m gonna have fun with it.

I can’t discourage you from doing what I plan to do myself. It’d be hypocritical.

[Jacqueline1965]

I would and have done it on Halloween at work. It was awesome!

[Jenny22]

What Joyce Swindel said!!!

[Eemz]

It depends what you want. If you want to hint to people that there is something to know about you and gender, without going into details, then this is a perfect opportunity to introduce that without making a long-term commitment. If you didn't want to give that hint you could go be a witch in some random town 50 miles away. Or in a bar full of stoopid people who would take it at face value as a costume. But no, you want to do it in a mental health workplace where you _know_ they'll get the message, so that's your motivation right there.

If they have rainbow ally flags up they're just going to think - interesting, well good for him/her. You can turn up as "Dave" again the next day, business as usual. But the door is now open and you can follow through afterwards if you want, but you don't have to. The only thing that has changed is that they know you a bit better, which in that sort of mental health environment is probably a good thing.

I don't see that you have anything to lose, tbh.

> I have this strong desire for Jessie Mae to come into work on Halloween in a witch's costume.
> I don't know why I want to do this, I just do.

It's because you _want_ to give people that hint, to see how they respond. And then you can decide what to do next, if anything.

[Allisa]

Don't make me "put a spell on you". Your only problem is going as a "scary" witch or a somewhat comical witch, I wouldn't go as a sexy witch unless your confidence is way over the top.

[Davina Katherine]

Yeah, Eemz, you got it right.

I want to be out at work, so that Jessie Mae would be welcome now and then.

Not really sure why that seems so important. Its not like I've been hiding this for years.

"What tangled webs we weave, when first we practice to deceive."


And Allisa, my wife says I have nice looking legs. Does that count? Ha Ha.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Be careful not to look too good. Think about what your costume costs, and compare it to what a reasonable person would spend for a one-off Halloween costume.

Wig - It should be a cheap costume store variety
Bra - One of your wife's
Breast forms - Tennis socks
Shoes - Get cheap flip flops
Makeup - You wife (or daughter) did it for you
Dress - thrift store

Or buy a woman's costume from Spirit Halloween or similar store. Not just a woman, but a woman in a costume. Supergirl, flight attendant, nurse, lady pirate...

BTW, I was a mermaid last year, in scale-printed tights and top with a skirt bottom and cheap blue wig. I wore it to my yoga class as an encore presentation. Most girls and no guys commented, but I did get some nice comments from a few girls.

[Stephanie47]

The question should really be whether you go to work dressed as an old hag witch or as Glenda, the Good Witch from the Wizard of Oz in a pink ball gown.

[Eemz]

Yeah, Eemz, you got it right.

I want to be out at work, so that Jessie Mae would be welcome now and then.
Not really sure why that seems so important.

It's important because you want the freedom to be yourself and for people to really know you.

I see your number of posts is low so I presume you're fairly new to this site. What you'll find is that there is a wide range of people and interests here and that people always give advice from their own viewpoint (including me). Some consider themselves 110% male and the dressing thing is just a hobby, like golf or basket weaving. It has nothing to do with who they are. And that's fine. For others, like me, this is part of who I am. And my advice is from that viewpoint because that what I feel like I'm reading in your posts. But none of us are neutral observers so I may be seeing what I want to see :)

[sometimes_miss]

The rainbows around work may just be a tag that indicates the person who posted it up there, is supposedly a 'gender friendly' person in a mental health profession. But that doesn't actually mean they are. Remember how every politician wound up wearing an American flag lapel pin after 9/11? Same thing. Once everyone else does it, there's pressure to do the same thing in order to NOT look like the only one who ISN'T gender friendly. I'm not saying anyone isn't. But no one really knows that.
Most men don't have any desire to dress up as a woman, on Halloween or otherwise. That's why, when we do so, it automatically raises flags to draw attention to it. At the moment, perhaps others may suspect you (?) but shrug it off because there's no evidence of it (unless you're subconsciously giving off slight feminine mannerisms, body language, etc.).
If you decide to dress as a woman (witch, maid, cook, stewardess, whatever) it's going to plant that image of you in people's minds, and that is one of the things that will come to mind when they think of you. As hate has been made more acceptable, as we've seen over the past few years, there are far more homophobes out there than is obvious.
So just bear in mind, as always, you can't un-ring a bell.
If you really want to be out, be out, but understand all that it means.
The reason I'm not out? I don't want to be a front line warrior in the gender wars. I don't want to paint a target on my back, and have to wonder any time something goes wrong, if it's because I offended the wrong person who wound up working behind the scenes to make my life difficult or miserable.
Examine, too, why you feel the need to do this. What are the benefits, and the potential negative results.
If you can live with the worst possible results, then proceed.

[NancyJ]

Jessie Mae, Just read your post about coming out to your wife and adult daughters a couple months ago. It sounded like, from your initial post in that thread, that the urge to crossdress was relatively new for you. Given that, I would urge you to slow down and not come out at work YET. IMO, way too soon. Most of us have been dealing with this all of our adult lives and have chosen not to be out at work. As is often noted on this site, you can not unrighteousness the bell. I fail to see advantages to you of rushing this process. If you plan to transition, wait until you have started hormones and are experiencing body changes. Nancy

[Felicia M]

I agree with your therapist colleague. "Why not?"

[giuseppina]

I wouldn't touch this one with a pole.

The people who come to your organisation for help can be quite unstable. Sending someone into a tailspin or into a highly aggressive mood over your appearance is not a good outcome.

Yes, this is a worst case scenario, but it bears consideration. A triggering event need not be violent to cause trouble.

That's what I thought, Sara Olivia (#20).

[Helen_Highwater]

"Somebody talk me out of this."

No.

[Sara Olivia]

Years ago I thought it would be great to dress as a woman for Halloween. At the time nobody knew that I was transgender. I mentioned the idea to my therapist at the time. Her response was a defininte no. The reason; for guys its kind of a joke to dress as girls for Halloween, put in huge balloons for breasts and get lots of laughs about the costume from others. But for me as a transgender woman, who someday hopes to get taken seriously as being female my therapist thought it would be the wrong impression to dress the part at Halloween.

[lingerieLiz]

If your company practices what they indicate they should be fine with your adventure, but some organizations aren't as liberal as they advertise for their customers as they are for employees.

[Maid_Marion]

It is the opposite where I work. Most customers don't know how liberal we are!

[BTWimRobin]

I used to work in a very festive office. There was this one very quiet shy guy who used to wear something femme everyday... nothing over the top, maybe a sweater, jeans and flats. Come Halloween this quite shy guy comes to work in full drag, platform stilettos, evening gown, big hair, full makeup. His she side had quite the personality. She was smiling from ear to ear and was all aglow. She totally rocked it. The next day she went right back to being that quiet shy guy.

If you feel comfortable enough then have fun with it.

[Jodie_Lynn]

"Someone talk me out of this"

Don't do it!

If you are not out, if you present as a 100% Hetero-normative guy, you will be opening yourself up to a lot of stuff.

IF you want to go in drag, do so, but DO NOT! be "too convincing". DON'T shave your legs, or arms! Leave a trace of 5 o'clock shadow. Ya know, be "a guy dressed as a broad", and NOT a crossdressing guy.

DO wobble in your high heels; DO sit "like a guy", etc., etc., if you don't want to be found out.

Trust me, women will be able to suss you out if you're "too good", and that will lead to rumours and gossip.


But, it's your life, your career, do as you see fit. Just know, you've been warned.

[Jean 103]

Wear what you like.

I'm a little curious about something else.

I may have it wrong, but did you say you want to go back and forth at work as to how you represent?

I am out but, I live two lives, my work life and my personal life.

In my personal life I represent as a women.

At work I represent as a guy, but I do it wearing women's clothes. I do it because it is easier. If I were to transition at work to there would be no back and forth.

Maybe it is just me, but I don't like to go back and forth as to how I represent with someone. My closest friends don't count.

[Janine cd]

Go for it! I would love to be in that situation.

[abby054]

The pink fog will pass. Coming out is forever. If you are in a job that pays you for exercising good judgment, this is probably not a way to impress your bosses.

[Davina Katherine]

Thank you all for your very thought provoking replies.

To be honest, I don't think anyone at work would be surprised to see a femme version of me, since I'm not a macho guy to start with.

I'm not wanting to transition, as I see myself as dyadic (both/and), if that's a "thing". I am comfortable being boy-me and would like to become as comfortable being girl-me. And so there's this strong feeling that Jessie doesn't want to "stay home".

My wife seems ok with the Halloween idea, and has even helped me with costume ideas.

All my life I've always had issues with being either way too analytic and self-doubting, on one hand, to being rash and "let's just do this already!" on the other.

Obviously this is not about dressing up at Halloween (duh!). It's about figuring out Who and WHAT I am and when and where to be what and who.

Oh Gosh, this has gotten heavy.

Anyway, Thank you ALL! :<3: :<3:
Finding this place and all of you has been so great.

[Crissy 107]

I say if you want to do it then absolutely go and do it, only you know your coworkers and what to expect from them.

[Ressie]

If you don't mind the attention you'll get go ahead. I didn't like the reactions and people laughing at me last Halloween and I wasn't even dressed in drag. I was supposed to be an 80s rocker and wore black pleather leggings.

[Stephanie too]

Yeah, heavy, but something I think many of us struggle with. I know I do. Good luck on what I hope is a fantastic journey.

Oh, and given the opportunity, I would definitely do this. Good luck!

[Jamie Lynn]

How foolish is this idea??????? IT'S NOT!!!!!!!

You already have support from your colleague friend at work, so do it and have fun!!!!

[Angie G]

It's Halloween so just do it and enjoy it. :hugs:
Angie

[Mickitv]

I agree with many of the comments. Go out and enjoy yourself. It is Halloween.[/FONT]

[sometimes_miss]

To be honest, I don't think anyone at work would be surprised to see a femme version of me, since I'm not a macho guy to start with.
Not being macho, and being definitely feminine, is not even close to being the same thing.
Unless you've been wearing, say, subtle eyeliner, getting your nails manicured, tights/stockings instead of socks, or are in general a 'dandy' with feminine body mannerisms, having you all of a sudden showing up in a dress IS going to be a bit of a surprise.

[VtVicky]

You said you worked in a mental health facility. But, in what capacity? If you have a patient responsibility, the answer is absolutely NOT!!

As others have mentioned, crossdressing in a mental health facility could have some serious consequences. I have been in the MH business, in-patient and out-patient, since 1972. The minute you hit the door, it is no longer about you! If I was your supervisor I would tell you to work out your issues on your own time, and in some other place than that facility. Regardless of any underlying internal struggles, the staff of a mental health facility should project stability and trustworthiness. If there are some low level transferences about in the atmosphere, your crossdressing could set off some pretty serious abreactions.

Get your act together first. Do not inflict your ambiguity on the therapeutic community. It is not fair to them, or you.

Good luck.

[jacques]

hello Jessie Mae,
I would say that if you employer encourages staff to dress up for Halloween, company policy is to be LGTBQ friendly and your line manager OKs it - then why not try it?
Seems like a fabulous way to be "out " for a day. And if it does not work out then "it was just a bit of fun with a Halloween costume".
I think if I had the opportunity I would take it.
luv J

[rhonda]

Why dont you do it ,you know you want to . have some fun with it at work , could make the day special

[Vickie_CDTV]

I'll be the wet blanket here. It is a bad idea. Always best to keep dressing and work separate. As unlikely as it is people will figure it out, it is your livelihood, don't risk it (especially being in a sensitive field like metal health.) Being able to make a living trumps almost everything in life, especially if you are not going to fully transition.

The rainbow triangles may just be meaningless virtue signaling. Like Lexi said, they slap them up whether or not they are really "LGBT friendly", it costs them nothing, it makes them look good and if everyone else does it they will be the odd man out if they don't. Reminds me of the AIDS red ribbons politicians and celebrities wore in the late 1980s, whether they actually cared about AIDS or not, anyone who didn't slap a red ribbon on like everyone else was given grief about it.

[Davina Katherine]

You all have given me lots to think about. That's why I asked the question.
And I will seriously weigh the pros and cons.

Lexi, I was trying to say I'm no "manly man", but I don't think I come across as a "girly man" either.

Vickie CDTV, not going to risk my job over this. I may be close to retirement, but not that close!

vt Vicky, currently I'm in the IT department, with no direct contain with clients. Few years back I was a family therapist.

Jacques, just today, I was considering running it past my supervisor. (There is no official requirement that costumes be pre-approved.)

And if it ain't fun, what's the point, right?

Thanks again. JM

[Debra Russell]

If you decide to go dressed - it requires pictures, we all want to see Jessie the good witch :devil: :eek:……………………….Debra

[Davina Katherine]

Spoke with my supervisor yesterday, told him I was thinking of dressing as a gypsy fortune teller.
(My wife, who's helping me, and I weren't able to put together a witch costume)

When he said wasn't sure what a gypsy fortune teller would look like, it took the opportunity to show him a picture of me in my proposed costume.
He said the costume in the picture was fine, but what would I be wearing. He had not recognized me.

When I told him it was me in the picture, he was amused and a bit disbelieving.

Glad I got his official OK.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I came to my adult Sunday School Class Halloween Party as a GYPSY FORTUNE TELLER a few years back. Interest had been waning in our costume Contest, so I decided to "Shake things up" one year by doing something DRASTIC. Since I never went out as a FEMALE before, coming as" a woman" would have the shock effect I needed but "A woman " would be "unimaginative" Suddenly I thought of a "Gypsy Fortune teller" not only female, but had a Halloween theme. ----I was the HIT of the party and won the contest hands down. ALL the ladies wanted ME to read their fortunes.(Great way to meet women, if not "unconventional") My plan worked next year we had all kinds of great costumes.---I Only won 2nd place the next year with my Mark Twain costume---bested by an 80 year old "Pregnant Nun".

Hey, us straight guys have no trouble wearing female costume to a Halloween party, nothing to fear. Only just put enough years between each time as to not arouse "suspicion". If we do it EVERY YEAR people might begin to "wonder" about us.

[Janis_en_femme]

Halloween is the best time for that. So did you do it?

[Davina Katherine]

We are dressing up on the Halloween day.
I'll be sure to let you all know how it goes.

[Davina Katherine]

Final Update:

I DID IT! And got very positive reviews of my costume.
All the ladies in the clerical department seemed impressed. My boobs really seemed to interest them!
My CEO was almost speechless (in a good way). After lunch he saw me fixing my lipstick, that was a funny exchange.

I even got to do some real tarot carding readings. They asked me to come back. Haha. If only.

It was a great day, it felt so natural to be Jessie Mae at work. I even got people to call me Jessie.

(There are pictures in the Picture section)

Thanks for all your support.

Love,
Jessie Mae:<3:

[sometimes_miss]

Glad everything worked out well for you!
I guess sometimes just jumping in and hoping for the best works out.

[Davina Katherine]

Glad everything worked out well for you!
I guess sometimes just jumping in and hoping for the best works out.

And being the fortune teller, the Tarot card for that is...
308146

But I did tarot reading (past influences, current task, future outcome) for Jessie Mae and got this....
308147

Which made lots of sense, dealing with a past full of masculine hierarchical authority, patiently working to find balance and integration, to reach a completed state of being.
Or something like that.

[jacques]

[QUOTE Final Update: I DID IT! And got very positive reviews of my costume.[/QUOTE]

Congratulations - I am glad it went well,
luv J

[suzanne]

Now that Halloween has passed, I hope you did it.