Finding courage for first outing

[Thatgirl417]

Heyyy Im trying to build the courage to go out dressed for the first time ever. Just wondering how you other ladies done it? I feel like if I done this I would have a heart attack from so much adrenaline lol Advice would be muchly appreciated.

[Tracii G]

The first time is always stressful but it gets easier the more you do it.
I got dressed up and left the house before I could talk myself out of it.

[Robertacd]

Just relax and remember nobody really cares. Hold your head up and walk with confidence. It's all about attitude, think of yourself as the most beautiful woman in the world and all those looks are people enchanted by your beauty.

It gets easier every time.

Soon going out en-femme will be second nature.

[Stephanie47]

The first couple of times I went outside my home was to take evening drives. My fem wardrobe consists only of dresses for outerwear. I wore a sleeveless white knee length dress, hosiery and white sandals. I had on makeup and a blond wig. After several times driving around the neighboring area I got out of the car and took an evening walk. I remember I wore a long sleeve knee length red dress and red heels with the same blond wig.

I had the itch to actually try to make contact with other humans. I was probably in my late thirties when I choose to do that. It was on Halloween. I actually went out for two Halloweens. The first time I wore a long sleeve jade dress with a black floral design and black heels and hosiery. Same blond wig and makeup. I went bought donuts at a Winchell's Donuts House. The next year I wore a solid black long sleeve dress, black hosiery and heels. I went into a nearby Safeway and bought soda and snacks. When I get the chance I still take evening strolls in a nearby residential neighborhood.

Advice? Well, the cross dressing day of the year is approaching next week; Halloween. Even if you cannot muster the courage to go into a store for a brief time at least taking a drive and a stroll should be doable. My wife use to take seven to ten day trips to see our out of state daughter. I love evening strolls in the Pacific Northwest persistent fall rain. Strolling with an umbrella offers some degree to privacy if hiding an otherwise masculine face is a perceived necessity.

As to other times of the year and still lacking courage to mingle (like me) you can fabricate trips for brief forays into the community. I venture out to return library books to the night return slot at several local libraries. No need to return a book. Just drop in some pieces of paper. Or mail a letter at a corner mailbox. Or retrieve one of those free newspapers.

[Thatgirl417]

I guess I should have said that I still live in the same small that I grew up in... everybody knows everybody. I don?t really care what others think of me. I just don?t want my s.o getting grief from anyone that recognizes me. Iv thought about going to the closes big city but I know quite a few people that live in the area too.

[Robertacd]

Well honey you might want to have a little talk with your SO before going out in public.

My SO is fully supportive that makes all the difference and gives me confidence.

[Helen_Highwater]

Most, including me, start by going out for night time drives developing that into brief walks away from the car. The walks get longer as time goes by. A drive might include a drive through fast food restaurant as a first one on one encounter or pay at the pump fuel for the car.

When it finally comes to truly mingling then there's nothing for it but pulling up your big girl knickers and going for it.

My experience was to go shopping in daylight. It seems counter intuitive but daylight offers greater safety as do shops. No late night drunks, folks are intent upon doing their own thing and it's easier to hide in a crowd.

I like so many others don't pass close inspection but we've learned to blend in. Dress to match the time of day and location. If you're going shopping, wear the same sort of things GG's wear. Usually nothing to showy, Low heels or flats, light on the makeup, in fact just tone everything down. Forget mini skirt and killer heels unless you're looking for attention.

So, I'm in the car park outside the department store. Deep breath, out the car, coat off back seat (the one in my avatar), move hair over collar and put bag on shoulder. Remember to lock the car, head up and walk with confidence in through the doors. Butterflies going ten to the dozen. You think everyone will instantly look at you, they don't. You may get glances but don't fret it, stay calm and carry on. It helps if you have a plan, mine was to browse the costume jewelry. DON'T SKULK. Go about your business just like everyone else and you'll blend in. Butterflies land and the pulse rate comes down.

Within a few minutes, say 10, I'd gone round the racks and was now making my way outside to go into half a dozen others shops. Yeh I got read a few times but we just passed like ships in the night. That was it, I was hooked. I bought makeup in Boots, holdups in Debenhams. No pointing fingers, no laughter, and if you should need to talk to an SA, just forget you're dressed and talk to them as you would if in drab. Be polite, look them in the eye and try to smile. All will be good.

[Aunt Kelly]

Stop thinking about it as something you might be "caught" doing. Like Roberta says, nobody really cares, so don't act like they should. I know, I know. That can be a tough thing to do, so my advice is to think about that, rationally, until you really believe it. Step out with confidence. If you don't, you're going to regarded with suspicion - "Why is that cross-dresser acting so creepy?"

[MonicaPVD]

My recommendation: build up. Start by going out for a night time drive while dressed. After you do that a couple or times, you will realize that the world isn't coming to an end. Then you can go for a daytime drive. Once you have completed a couple of those, you can go to a pharmacy or convenience store in the next town over (or the other side of your city) and buy a stick of gum or a bottle of water. The exercise of walking through the aisles, waiting in line and interacting with the cashier will be harmless and incredibly instructive. Once you have done that a few times, move onto the suggestions listed in this thread. Please keep in mind that you will be obsessed with whether or not others notice you. Most don't and those who do don't care. People are incredibly self-absorbed. Have fun!

[char GG]

Stop thinking about as something you might be "caught" doing. Like Roberta says, nobody really cares, so don't act like they should. I know, I know. That can be a tough thing to do, so my advice is to think about that, rationally, until you really believe it. Step out with confidence. If you don't, you're going to regarded with suspicion - "Why is that cross-dresser acting so creepy?"

Some CDers bring attention to themselves by "acting so creepy". Their eyes dart around (looking to see if others are looking at them), they are so self conscious that they don't walk with a purpose but slink around "in the shadows", and they don't respond if someone addresses them. Don't act like a scared rabbit. If you are going to go out, act like you would in "man mode". I realize it will be hard for you. Just have fun with it.

[Vikky]

I have only been out once and that was in the car at night, although inevitably there were a few places where the light was substantial.
I wore a loose skirt, jumper and wig with the usual underpinnings. I major issue was my beard, but managed to keep that under the windscreen, I don?t think anyone noticed.
It was a great experience and am glad I did it, but I wouldn?t try again until the beard is gone, I have a decent wig, and have more experience of make-up (don?t usually bother as I am a DAT situation).
Go for it and enjoy it. Good luck
Vikky.

[sara66]

My first time of really being in the real world I took a short vacation to Denver. I left the hotel dressed spent an entire day out. I when shopping, thought a drive through and just had a good time. This eased the stress of being recognized. Every time I go out is easier, and I am now leaving from home dressed. Just dress to blend in and no one real pays that much attention to you.
Good luck! :thumbsup:
Sara,

[Di]

Before you do go out relax, dress to blend and be an actress.....act confident, walk confident. And not not let nerves overtake you and act like Char explained. I have seen that many times and trust me everyone will be looking to see what the heck is wrong .
Better yet go to a cd/ tg event for your first outing.
You are not doing anything wrong so do not act like you are.
It gets easier.
Is your Gg going along?

Next town over might be an idea because if you live in a small town your car might be well know ....we had a purple mustang and we first went out that was a concern so we drove mine.
Enjoy and relax soon it will be old hat.

[Micki_Finn]

All I can say is “What’s the worse that can happen, and how is that different than boy mode? Name calling? Surely you’ve had someone say something negative to you before? Random violence? That could just as easily happen in boy mode, and you don’t let that keep you stuck in the house right? Basically, there’s nothing that can happen to you that couldn’t happen in drab, so why worry about it just because you’re wearing a dress?

[Michaelasfun]

Get your appearance down first; decide where you might want to go and check it out first in guy mode, see what the women are dressed like so you can blend better. That way you won’t feel like you’re showing up to a ball game dressed for the opera;)

[Sometimes Steffi]

I've said it many times here. Rather than doing it step by step, I took a big plunge into the vanilla pool. I went to the Maryland Renaissance Festival en drabbe and rented a wench costume at the faire. I get dressed, with the costume ladies lacing up my waistband, put on my makeup and wore a kerchief over my head to cover the bald spot, and walked out into the faire. I must have been seen by over 10.000 people, with very little reaction. Several girls picked up on my disguise and gave me a big smile and a thumbs up. One drunk guy read me and kind of freaked out. He tried to approach me, but the friends that he was with grabbed him and pulled him away.

[nvlady]

I don't go out, and very rarely get fully dressed, but the other day I ran across a few pictures of me from twenty years ago and not only would I have not recognized myself, I would have accepted what I saw in the pictures as a woman.
I personally don't have the desire to go out and pass, but I think most of the difficulty is between the person's ears.

[TheHiddenMe]

I wrote about it (at length) here: https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?244397-Three-Plus-Days-of-Dressing&highlight=

That was three years ago. Since then, I've been out probably 150 times, bought a small boatload of clothes, made several GG friends, been out in multiple cities AND another country (Australia), written about my times out in a blog (Kandi's Land), and joined a local TG group.

And had a lot of fun along the way.

[NC_Natalie]

I just stepped out and did it my first time. I had already been shopping in guy mode and trying things on in stores but no one had ever seen me en femme. One night I wanted to go out dressed up. I decided to go someplace I felt was safe, the local mall. I was definitely scared... completely. But I finally got out of the car and made my way inside. I went to Lane Bryant, a place I was sure I'd be accepted. I was accepted and was complimented a few times by sales associates and fellow customers on my outfit. The butterflies went away quickly and I go out dressed up much more easily more easily after a great 1st experience.

[Aunt Kelly]

If you are going to go out, act like you would in "man mode"...
Well, I wouldn't go that far, but you're absolutely right, Char. Act like the person you want others to see. Someone once suggested that we "...make them think that you're the best thing that's happened to them all day. It's amazing how different the world seems when we make that leap.

[Jean 103]

It's pretty simple, as I've been told " if you are going to look like a lady then act like one". It is really that simple.

Go and do things other women do. Where and when they do.


Wear what you feel and look good in. Eventually you can develop your own style.

It's not owning it as they say. It is being the person you want to be. If you are happy the way you are then just be yourself.

Be sure of yourself, I know you don't have the confidence yet, this is where you will have to fake it till you do. Hard to do at first, but it will make things much easier.

I came out in the small town I grew up in. I was going out so much I was becoming popular. I came out to stay ahead of it.

To avoid this you should probably go somewhere else.

[Eemz]

Try to remember that while this is a huge thing for you, it's only a few seconds of their entire life to everyone you meet. Char is right, what draws attention is looking like you plan to rob the place or something. You're thinking "why are they all looking at me, they know! they must know!!" in reality they're thinking "why is that woman sweating in the middle of winter? and shaking like a leaf. is she ill?"

[MonicaPVD]

Char is correct. Don't act creepy. I have been out and about and encountered other CDs who look like they're casing the place to come back with an assault rifle. Relax and remember that even though this is an intense, emotional experience for you, no else could care less.

[jenn]

Hey Girl,

I have been out off and on for a few years I have found that if you stand tall, smile, seem to have purpose( not just lurking in the lingerie isle) People will generally either ignore or be nice to you. Usually cashiersare engaging.

Have fun!

Jenn

[Angela Marie]

I think what others have mentioned is the most important point; don't look nervous (I know harder said than done). Look at it this way; if you re truly worried about being "read" it is much more likely to happen if you appear nervous, paranoid, etc. As a makeup artist told me years ago at one of my sessions "Watch how women interact. They will smile at each other when passing; something men never do" I've tried that often and it does work.

[paulaprimo]

When I first started going out I tried to avoid large crowds so I would go out early mornings or late nights.
Because the places I went to weren't busy, it seemed everybody looked at me and I would get paranoid!! So believe it
or not, I changed my thinking and went out into very busy places and the opposite happened... nobody even looked my way...
I felt so much more comfortable in busy places! I guess you can get lost in a crowd! :)

[Kari_A]

I guess I should have said that I still live in the same small that I grew up in... everybody knows everybody. I don?t really care what others think of me. I just don?t want my s.o getting grief from anyone that recognizes me. Iv thought about going to the closes big city but I know quite a few people that live in the area too.

The nearest big city is likely a good bet. To ease the butterflies, first, think about how unlikely it is that you will meet someone you know at random in any moderately sized town especially if you are not doing what you usually would do there. Second, read some of the many posts here where people talk about meeting someone they know in close proximity and are not recognized. Finally, imagine seeing a male friend you know dressed as you intend to dress and ask yourself would you really be sure it was your friend. I?m guessing the answer is that the closest you might get is ?she looks a little like my friend? and then you would convince yourself it was coincidence. The real give away that has to be avoided in that situation is some very recognizable thing associated with you like the car that Di mentioned in a previous post, walking next to your SO, etc.

[Sometimes Steffi]

That Girl

It's too bad that you didn't post where you live in your profile, we could have offered more advice.

Kari and I met FtF at the Keystone Conference in Harrisburg PA. One night we went out with a large group of girls (maybe 30) to a Mexican restaurant. Another night, I went out with about 10 girls to Carrabas. I also went out on an after hours shopping trip to Dressbarn with a lot of girls.

I'm in a social group in DC, and we get a big group of girls together every couple of months. We always have girls coming out for the first time, or the first time to our DC group. There's always someone to meet you at your car, walk in with you and introduce you to the other girls. I've done that myself.

Maybe find yourself a group in Meetup or something or g to a conference.

Steffi

[CayleeMarie]

Hey That Girl,

I recently had my debut with some very long time friends at dinner at their house. It was scary and exhilarating at the same time. I definitely have the bug to get outside dressed too! I'm thinking I might make my first outing as Caylee to Soma. I have bought so many nice dresses there and the ladies there have always been so helpful trying to find what works for me. I feel that would be the safest way to start venturing out since they already know me.

[Jenny22]

As I've mentioned previously, on a Sunday, go to the (usually very empty) parking lot of an office complex. Get your cell phone out and walk around as if you were talking to some one. After, as did I, go to a drive thru and order something. You may be clocked but so what. They don't know you, and you'll drive away. It gets easier once you get comfortable in being your femme self. Also, there are many great suggestions by your sisters.

[Thatgirl417]

Thanks for all the feedback! I see going out in my near future!

[JaclynL61]

Hi That.

As many others have stated, dressing to blend in is important. I often "overdressed' in the past. Don't be so concerned about not being seen that you put yourself in bad spots. Going out at night to remote, dimly lit areas isn't always the best idea.

[Mary Lawrence]

My experience has been very similar to Helen_Highwater's. I started driving after dark, then window shopping after dark, eventually taking a deep breath and going into stores. I also have found that I am much more comfortable in a crowd, e.g., Macy's on the weekend 10 day before Christmas. Everybody is on their own trek in life at that moment and nobody has either time for or interest in you. All the other advice re dressing to blend is right on. I'm still having problems going face to face with sales associates, but that's just me. Good luck.

[Lana Mae]

My first was a daylight drive with no wig and no make up! I drove to a local park and right past two police officers who looked at me and then the other way! I had to stop for a flagman at some road repair going on and he looked right at me and...nothing! I had checked the neighborhood out before going to the car and when I returned! Everybody must have been at work!
You have to plan it out and just do it! Most people who know you, are looking for male you not a "female" you! Remember though, once you are out, you are out and it only gets better!
Hugs Lana Mae

[Barbara Jo]

As already staled.. dress your age and for where you are going.


Yes, the first time can be scary. The key is to not be nervous and act like any female would. You must convince your self that you are just wearing the clothes that any female would.
If you act nervous and are constantly acting like you are doing something wrong, people will think that you are indeed doing something wrong.

No, you need not interact with others but do not avoid them either .

One you realize that no one will point. laugh, or pay the slightest attention to you , it can be a real revelation. :)



.

[Stephanie too]

My first time out and about started with a make-up session. I found someone that helped me with the first serious attempt at make-up. She gave me the confidence I needed to venture out for the first time. It was a great day!

[MarinaTwelve200]

I've only been out TWICE--The first time was to an Adult Sunday School Halloween Party (I was a Gypsy Fortune teller) and the second was A Church Sponsored "Womanless Beauty Contest". It is quite EASY to go out when you have a GOOD EXCUSE. -----But there is (to me) a fine line between Courage and Foolhardiness, in going out dressed on ordinary occasions--No WAY at ALL for ME! ;)

[Rhonda Jean]

I wish it was still as exciting as the first time! I don't even remember my first time. Enjoy!

[Ressie]

My very first time dressing in public was at a gay bar that was having a TG event. I arrived too early and it turned out that I was the only CD in the place. But there were only a few gay men there so it wasn't too terribly stressful.

I remember getting out of the car in the parking lot and feeling nervous. And I was paranoid on the way there because I was driving dressed. It's kind of like showing up at a costume party where no one else wore a costume!

One other CD showed up eventually and we sat together chatting until others showed up. She actually turned out to be transexual which I found intriguing. We hugged goodbye when it was time for me to leave.

When I look back now there was really nothing to be afraid of. Go out dressed in another town if you fear someone will recognize you.

[alwayshave]

I'll second what Steffi said. Find a group (see meetup dot com) and go with them. It makes it so much easier not being the only CDer in the room.

[rozallyson]

This is the story of what happened to me my very first outing. That was 3 or so years ago. I am having a blast when i go out and I'm still skittish and aware of my surroundings. Enjoy. :)

Incident at Tow Truck Bluff

RozDate April 22, 2017

My unexpected date with a tow truck driver - First time out in drag

Or 2nd title - Roz goes out on a 3 hour tour.....

You are not going to believe this. And, I don't have any pics to prove it. So.... did this happen? I'm home now, 2:30am now, drinking the beers i was supposed to be drinking at the GNO event, finally getting the story down while I'm a bit loopy and safe at home.

I had been looking forward to going out, for the first time, in Roz mode.

Couple miles from my turn off at Northwest Hwy going south on 75, I noticed something wrong with lights. Dash lights dimming and headlights working or not, could not tell with all the lights on highway 75. Barely got off the busy highway onto Northwest Hwy by North Park Mall. Felt like there was something wrong with the transmission too, like I ran out of fluid. Almost stalled out on the street in front of the mall. Drove through mall traffic with no lights and found a place to stop -- when the car just died. ker-plunk.

Sat in car, contemplating my next move. Car battery dead, no friend to call on cell phone, and no smart phone to get info for a tow or a taxi back home. Sitting in the drivers seat of a busy parking lot at a major shopping mall in Dallas. Freak out looms large.

Gotta check under the hood. Yesterday i had the car in for an inspection. What did they do? I noticed they didn't close the hood fully latched when driving home it popped open and only the emergency latch kept the hood from flying up, hitting the windshield.

My expectation was to get out of the car at the parking lot of the venue i was going to, not a shopping mall. My intention was to remain way under the radar this evening. I made it into the car the 4 feet from my back gate at home with no neighborhood security cams capturing the elusive Roz-a-Lope. Fast as fast can be, cant catch Roz. Till now.

Opened hood to have a look around, nothing obvious. Then a mall security guard rolls up in her little golf cart kinda vehicle. Was a young woman. She saw my car parked catty wonkers in a couple spots and me poking my head under the hood..... in a cute dress with mary jane heels. She absolutely helped me get started in solving my dilemma. Hooked me up with a couple tow service phone numbers using her smart phone - I so gotta get a smart phone.

First tow service i called was able to dispatch, about an hour wait. I actually had an hour and a half to wait in my car contemplating my situation. How my car got screwed up, blaming inspection people. Ended up being my alternator, so the inspection people are off my blame list. Sowwy inspection people, my bad.

Well into the wait, I have to peeeeeee. wait wait wait. can't stand it. This is not good. wait till the security cars have gone through and take a gamble at a near by wall. Walked about 40 feet to find my relief spot, hiking up a skirt, dropping my pantyhose and panties so i can pee on the parking lot wall, in a well lit parking lot - an absolutely absurd moment. I stopped short of full relief, repacked myself and left a puddle. as I got walked half way back to my car a security car came through and drove right by me and stopped, asked me if that was my car. He had heard that I was having problems from the other security people. That mall rocks for really good security. He moved on and didn't notice the puddle I had just left on his parking lot wall.

About an hour into the wait I noticed the battery was recovering, figured I better wait to try to start the engine later if needed.

Tow truck driver shows up and calls me on cell phone, but cannot get into the parking area I'm parked at because of low height bars. The car cranks up and I drive over to where the tow truck is, through 11pm mall traffic, did a movie just get out? People and cars everywhere. I got no lights, trying to drive through all this to where the tow driver parked, right up front, by the side of the main doors of the shopping mall. UGGSSS. gotta be done... I have the car maneuvered behind the tow truck and sit in the car waiting for him to set up, its a full carry tow truck, good. I eventually have to exit the car. So, there I am in my feminine cuteness, dress, mary jane heels, wig, and my purse. Every one exiting the mall and milling about watching the tow driver hooking up my car, and me standing there watching too. I think i am so far out of my closet as I ever will be.

Did i mention it is cold out, had a storm system move through the day before and chilled everything down to the upper 50s. I'm getting cold.

On the drive back to my house the tow driver never batted an eye, just like the lady security guard, wonderfully professional, both of them, and helped me out in a really weird situation. Driver and I chatted on the way to my house, topics of which I cannot remember, very personable. He never pried or got curious, Super cool.

Dreading the moment we would pull up to the front of my house. That damn truck of his had no suspension and I had to pee again. While he let down my car I walked up to a dark spot in my yard and had a good pee. Shivers of cold and relief. Didn't see my neighbors, but all the racket the tow truck was making had to make someone peek out a window, with me in the street (did i mention there is a street light right there too, bright), asking, who is that girl bringing back my neighbors car busted on a tow truck...

So, here i am, almost 4 in the morning now, another beer to go. Were I to lay down and try to sleep I still don't think I'd get there.

I'm starting a store for all my adventures...

Roz's Antics Shoppe for Moments

[Stephanie47]

Just relax and remember nobody really cares.

I highlighted Roberta's comment although there are many others of a similar nature. I put my two cents in about my personal adventures and limitations (#4). One cannot make a universal statement that "nobody really cares" because sometimes there is "somebody who cares." Why are there two cases before the United States Supreme Court this session concerning the rights of transgender men and women and gays and lesbians? Obviously, somebody cared enough to fire someone because of their sexual identity and sexual orientations. There are consequences to not conforming to societal norms and expectations. Yes, over the years those norms and expectations can change and do change, but, sometimes they do not change.

Progress in your comfort zone. I and nobody on this site knows of anyone's particular circumstances and relationships. What is good for an old retired fart like me (72) may not be good for a young up and coming executive. Remember you alone, and, not anyone on this forum, bares the consequences of their actions.

[Helen_Highwater]

When I first started going out I tried to avoid large crowds so I would go out early mornings or late nights.
Because the places I went to weren't busy, it seemed everybody looked at me and I would get paranoid!! So believe it
or not, I changed my thinking and went out into very busy places and the opposite happened... nobody even looked my way...
I felt so much more comfortable in busy places! I guess you can get lost in a crowd! :)


One way I describe it is hiding in plain sight. Forget being dressed for a minute and think about how many people you actually look at when moving through a crowd. Those you do look at it's more a cursory glance than any real inspection. You tend to be more intent on not bumping into others, picking your way through the mass of bodies plus half of those there will be facing the other way so as long as how your dressed doesn't make you stand out, folks don't pay you any real attention.

[Alexandra Collins]

This is the story of my very first time out, July 2018. As you'll read, it was perfect for my first time out, largely because the month before I had already joined a local CD group (Tri Ess) and met them at a monthly meeting (in drab) and one of them in particular (Aunt Kelly) gave me advice concerning a make over and a wig store. If you have a local or nearby CD group you can join, I highly recommend it, at least for support in your first few times out in public, as I did.
----------
The July meeting of the Tri Ess Chapter was my first time out dressed. The day before I purchased a wig at Ruby?s Wig Salon, where Cheryl was very helpful and supportive, and I purchased a dress at Ross that was exactly the style I wanted for my debut! This was after several long shopping trips over the past few weeks with my partner (Lisa) looking for the perfect dress, but coming up empty, and purchasing two wigs over the internet that were too difficult to style to make me feel confident in them. Shoes (heels) are my thing, so I already had lots of them and it was just a matter of deciding which pair to wear for this event.

Two hours before the Tri Ess meeting I had my first professional makeover with Brook at her apartment, she was awesome. This was only the second time I have worn makeup, and I wanted it to be done in private, so this was perfect. Lisa came along to watch and take notes. It took about 90 minutes, and afterwards I got dressed at Brook?s in my outfit for the evening, and then Lisa and I headed to the Tri Ess meeting at a place called "Hair Psychiatry".

308035
Photo taken that night.

Even though I only started crossdressing about 5 months prior, I was not nervous walking into the meeting to be seen by about a dozen people all at once. This is because my experience at the previous Tri Ess meeting (in drab) was totally positive and supportive. The next two hours went by quickly, but I felt comfortable the whole time, receiving several nice compliments on my look.

The encouragement and help I received from Tri Ess in those early days was been amazing, and from experience I can now say that their meetings are the perfect venue for a crossdresser to come out for the first time because everyone knows exactly what you are going through and is 100% supportive. I am thankful to all the Tri Ess members, and in particular Aunt Kelly who referred me to Brook for makeup, and Cheryl at Ruby?s Wig salon. My partner, Lisa, has been supportive and understanding beyond my wildest dreams! Finally, I believe that for those people who are not as lucky as I am to have a supportive partner, a local CD group will be an even more critical support group that they should lean on.

[StevieTV]

Here are my thoughts... I didn't go all out the 1st time. My 1st was only ladies pants, flats and a sweater. No one batted an eye. If you go crazy then expect people to notice. Dress to blend for a while. Observe what other girls are wearing and try to copy the look. I don't think any GG wears a tight dress and 4" pumps to go grocery shopping.
Today, I wore my skinny Levi's, a Lauren sweater and vest along with my Justin ladies boots (totally underdressed with Spanx). I went shopping then went to my favourite thrift store. I bought 3 rings (all were cubic sadly after testing them). The cashier said I must be asking a lot of ladies to marry me (even with my attire). I tried one on and it fit my ring finger. I openly said "| can at least feel engaged." The clerk just laughed. Long story short, they've seen it all. As for the rings, I took a gamble. All three were a total of $32. If one was real I would be happy. As they say ...high risk high rewards. Even though they weren't real, I still have 3 gorgeous rings to wear.

[gracielle]

Hello, dear!

I asked the very same question here a long time ago, and the support I received here helped me a lot not only with accepting my feminine companion (it's not just a "side", I prefer "my best friend ever"), but also to resolve some very deep and serious issues in my life and in my family. :)

My first time out was one of the hardest things I ever imagined. I've been preparing for it so many times, and each of them was ending right at the front door. After almost an year of failing attempts I finally succeeded by literally forcing myself out with a single though in my head - "shut up and just do it". Then I got on the street looking as a scared little kitten. At least I felt this way. I started walking slowly through the square (I cursed myself for living in the town's center), making my way to the nearest dark street, and speeding up my pace. My feet were trembling and it took all of my power to keep walking normally in my heels (which I also cursed). Yeah, I got a bunch of looks at me, I got the creeps and I was screaming inside "let's go back home, I am terrified that something might happen". All I heard back in my head was "really? Let it happen. I'll deal with it.". I got to a darker alley and I then realized it. I was a damn hot chick, I felt like one, I got attention, because I looked awesome, which was actually the whole idea. Why on Earth would I get out dressed up as a girl? Why the makeup? Why the whole thing at all? I needed attention and I got it. I manned up, I walked around for twenty more minutes and on my way back I really didn't care, when I passed through the square again. Didn't even notice if there were any looks at all - my head was already filled with my regular to-do stuff. I got home and cooked a nice homemade sushi set. I felt wonderful after the whole experience!

As with anything else - either you do it or you don't. Saying that, I've been preparing for a walk around the neighborhood for the whole day, and after finishing some work at home I finally got out at 5:30 PM (it's EEST, I am from Bulgaria). Although I still have concerns about "what IF someone recognizes me" and I have a swift direct answer to that - "so what?", I always keep in mind I might need to defend myself, because there are still a lot of people around here being a bit hostile to those who are... different, and they openly say it. I must share that as a man in my occasional outfit (going to work, hang out, etc.) I feel nearly invincible and I show my total carelessness to everything around me, and that actually helps a lot. Yeah, I learned to act like them, because years ago I would not exist as a girl, literally. Anyway, regarding overall attention -one of my neighbors saw me the other day on the stairs - short black skirt, thick black pantyhose, over-knee black leather boots, satin black shirt, a bit messy haircut - just quickly looked all over me and immediately started buzzing his phone. That much of an interest. They certainly don't care. Or maybe it was the all-in-black look, I don't know. Nor I actually care, frankly.

After all - it's all inside our minds, but of course, like in some of my cases, seeing a gorgeous-looking girl (I love being one!) walking around with no obvious direction in the middle of the night definitely attracts attention. Yeah, I get a lot of "offers". I generally do prefer the "shadows" way, both as a man and a woman, and it is a just personal preference. But I have to admit - staying in the open regardless how you look makes you less interesting that lurking in the shadows, especially for the patrolling police cars. I had one driving slowly after me and once I got under the street lights they just got past me. Anyway, blending is not an easy task, but the important thing is to not overthink it.

Not long ago I did a comparison between Grace and "the regular" me, I shortened it down to the following conversation:
1. What do you do to blend in? -Nothing. Never thought about it.
2. How do you deal with people staring at you? -Do they?
3. Okay, what if anyone asks you something or simply speaks to you? -Well, reply back?
4. Fine, if they become aggressive?! -Usually I'd try to quickly talk my way out of it, then - run. If necessary - call the police, fight back. What world are you living in, anyway?!
5. Don't you have any concerns when you are on the street? Whatever these might be? -Yes, of course - the high possibility of an asteroid hitting Earth ending all life on it. And getting my wage, so I can live long enough to see it, while drinking a glass of Jack. What are yours?
Silence.

Eventually, this sealed my concerns for good. They were all unreal. It turned out my feminine companion was nothing more than a growing kid that needed guidance. So, a "first walk out as a girl" would be like a baby having its first steps, right? It takes time and effort, and each moment is really worth it. :)

A side note here, though - recently I started getting out at around 6AM or 7AM and to my surprise - no one even looked at me! That ringed a bell - who the hell cares what's going on at such an hour? I certainly don't. I am sleeping with my eyes open and I just get to work. Everyone was exactly like that, as was I an hour later, when I had to run to work, being late because I had a ton of makeup to remove... :D Aaaand, I am still wondering why the female me is so eager to go out for walks, while the male me prefers staying at home, but that's another story. Saying that - I'm getting late for my evening walk! :)

Anyway, if you have at least one person to support you - you got it all. Talk to them, share, get them in a car, go somewhere no one knows you, have a good time. Good friends always help a lot, and that's exactly what friends are for. :)

Apologies for the wall of text!

Wish you a lot of fun, lovely!

Regards
Grace

[HarrietD]

Great advice and suggestions above. I did the "baby steps" method.

Started by staying in hotels.

Dress in my room, go nowhere.

After a while, go out for ice or drink from a machine and walk the hallways. Maybe ride the elevator a few floors and hope no surprise when the doors open. One time, the door opened and I was confronted by a group of airline pilots/flight attendants getting on. I just smiled and waited for my stop (it was an eternity). Another time, I got to my floor and there was a very large tour group waiting to get on as I exited. Never did catch the reaction.

Go outside and walk around the parking lot.

Go outside and get in car and go for a ride. Maybe stop at a fast food drive through.

I did this one time and when I got back, my magnetic key did not work. Was trying to make I work and a guy down the hall from me was having the same issue. He told me this happens all the time and I would need to go to the desk to get a new key. He offered to walk me down. I softly told him my friend was in the room and I would knock to get in. He shrugged and went on his way. I went to my car, waited a bit for the man to return to his room and went to the front desk. Asked for and got a new key. No drama, the world did not end. Was I nervous, yes. Was my heart beating hard, yes. It in the end, it was no big deal.

Walk around an ATM or post office.

Actually go into the fast food place and order. Did this one time on a week long business trip, th
e Second time through, the drive in person complimented my outfit and asked if I would be a regular. Told them no and moved on. Again not much drama, just nerves on my side.

Go to a stand alone store and buy things.

Go to the mall. Walk around. Later, go to and browse and try on clothes.

Stop at the self serve gas station and fuel up.

Each step will confirm that the world will not end!

[Teri Ray]

Amazing story Roz. What did you finally find was wrong with your car?

[Zoeytgtx]

Roz:

You?re obviously getting out just fine now. Met you the other night at the DFE meetup and you looked great! There are a few DFE girls that post on this website.
Hugs, Zoey

[Patience]

I chose to make my maiden voyage (no pun intended) over a Pride weekend. It felt reassuring to see other people being themselves. I even went to a couple of stores where I was known for years. The feeling of being there dressed was exhilarating, fun, and a bit terrifying. I didn't leave home dressed. I left home early and changed in the bathroom of a local college's art department.

Until you decide where and when to come out, spend time picking the kind of outfit you want to wear. Invest in a pair of fem looking sunglasses to wear outdoors or in situations where you might want to avoid eye contact. If you must wear high heels the first time out, bring some comfortable shoes as a backup for when your feet get tired. If you have supportive friends that know, maybe you'd like to include them and go out as a group.

Whatever you do, be sure to have some fun. Good luck.

[Alorob29]

Hello, dear!

I asked the very same question here a long time ago, and the support I received here helped me a lot not only with accepting my feminine companion (it's not just a "side", I prefer "my best friend ever"), but also to resolve some very deep and serious issues in my life and in my family. :)

My first time out was one of the hardest things I ever imagined. I've been preparing for it so many times, and each of them was ending right at the front door. After almost an year of failing attempts I finally succeeded by literally forcing myself out with a single though in my head - "shut up and just do it". Then I got on the street looking as a scared little kitten. At least I felt this way. I started walking slowly through the square (I cursed myself for living in the town's center), making my way to the nearest dark street, and speeding up my pace. My feet were trembling and it took all of my power to keep walking normally in my heels (which I also cursed). Yeah, I got a bunch of looks at me, I got the creeps and I was screaming inside "let's go back home, I am terrified that something might happen". All I heard back in my head was "really? Let it happen. I'll deal with it.". I got to a darker alley and I then realized it. I was a damn hot chick, I felt like one, I got attention, because I looked awesome, which was actually the whole idea. Why on Earth would I get out dressed up as a girl? Why the makeup? Why the whole thing at all? I needed attention and I got it. I manned up, I walked around for twenty more minutes and on my way back I really didn't care, when I passed through the square again. Didn't even notice if there were any looks at all - my head was already filled with my regular to-do stuff. I got home and cooked a nice homemade sushi set. I felt wonderful after the whole experience!

As with anything else - either you do it or you don't. Saying that, I've been preparing for a walk around the neighborhood for the whole day, and after finishing some work at home I finally got out at 5:30 PM (it's EEST, I am from Bulgaria). Although I still have concerns about "what IF someone recognizes me" and I have a swift direct answer to that - "so what?", I always keep in mind I might need to defend myself, because there are still a lot of people around here being a bit hostile to those who are... different, and they openly say it. I must share that as a man in my occasional outfit (going to work, hang out, etc.) I feel nearly invincible and I show my total carelessness to everything around me, and that actually helps a lot. Yeah, I learned to act like them, because years ago I would not exist as a girl, literally. Anyway, regarding overall attention -one of my neighbors saw me the other day on the stairs - short black skirt, thick black pantyhose, over-knee black leather boots, satin black shirt, a bit messy haircut - just quickly looked all over me and immediately started buzzing his phone. That much of an interest. They certainly don't care. Or maybe it was the all-in-black look, I don't know. Nor I actually care, frankly.

After all - it's all inside our minds, but of course, like in some of my cases, seeing a gorgeous-looking girl (I love being one!) walking around with no obvious direction in the middle of the night definitely attracts attention. Yeah, I get a lot of "offers". I generally do prefer the "shadows" way, both as a man and a woman, and it is a just personal preference. But I have to admit - staying in the open regardless how you look makes you less interesting that lurking in the shadows, especially for the patrolling police cars. I had one driving slowly after me and once I got under the street lights they just got past me. Anyway, blending is not an easy task, but the important thing is to not overthink it.

Not long ago I did a comparison between Grace and "the regular" me, I shortened it down to the following conversation:
1. What do you do to blend in? -Nothing. Never thought about it.
2. How do you deal with people staring at you? -Do they?
3. Okay, what if anyone asks you something or simply speaks to you? -Well, reply back?
4. Fine, if they become aggressive?! -Usually I'd try to quickly talk my way out of it, then - run. If necessary - call the police, fight back. What world are you living in, anyway?!
5. Don't you have any concerns when you are on the street? Whatever these might be? -Yes, of course - the high possibility of an asteroid hitting Earth ending all life on it. And getting my wage, so I can live long enough to see it, while drinking a glass of Jack. What are yours?
Silence.

Eventually, this sealed my concerns for good. They were all unreal. It turned out my feminine companion was nothing more than a growing kid that needed guidance. So, a "first walk out as a girl" would be like a baby having its first steps, right? It takes time and effort, and each moment is really worth it. :)

A side note here, though - recently I started getting out at around 6AM or 7AM and to my surprise - no one even looked at me! That ringed a bell - who the hell cares what's going on at such an hour? I certainly don't. I am sleeping with my eyes open and I just get to work. Everyone was exactly like that, as was I an hour later, when I had to run to work, being late because I had a ton of makeup to remove... :D Aaaand, I am still wondering why the female me is so eager to go out for walks, while the male me prefers staying at home, but that's another story. Saying that - I'm getting late for my evening walk! :)

Anyway, if you have at least one person to support you - you got it all. Talk to them, share, get them in a car, go somewhere no one knows you, have a good time. Good friends always help a lot, and that's exactly what friends are for. :)

Apologies for the wall of text!

Wish you a lot of fun, lovely!

Regards
Grace
Wow.... This is simply a great and awesome replay. I actually got to this forum looking for exactly this. I'm about to go out for the first time this Saturday and why I've always kept me from pursuing it further down the line has always been the aggression part of it. I do fear being targeted and even assaulted, but it should be the same as if I was in my manly self. I suffer from axienty, mostly for social interaction, even as a boy so, this and many related questions have come to my mind, but this advice sums it all.

You've given me a lot of courage because I was actually second thinking this, but now I know that I can definetly handle it. Thank you so much.

[NC_Natalie]

Alorob29, I hope you will regale us with your first time story after you go out this Saturday.

NC_Natalie

[Alorob29]

Alorob29, I hope you will regale us with your first time story after you go out this Saturday.

NC_Natalie

Surely I will, I've been reading many more comments here and I'll share what I experience with the courage ya'll gave me. 😊

[gracielle]

Hey, Alorob29!

This is awesome, really! :) Thank you for sharing and looking forward to reading about your walk today!

When I posted this, I almost immediately got out and I got a bit lazy to share an update, so here it is.

It was about 10 PM and as usual, there were some people heading somewhere, and while I was blending, I remember I had to check a few messages on my phone. I took it out of my bag and while staring at my phone, I started walking. In a minute, I realized I am heading actually nowhere, just walking, and I didn't even thought about it, while I was looking at my phone. Then I took a quick peek around just to see some people were randomly looking at me, but unlike the usual "surprised pikachu face"-type stare, these were lasting a moment. My immediate thought was: oh, come on now, how come this never occurred to me?! This is maybe the most common thing chicks do, especially if it is late! I felt as a complete idiot, and the next moment I was already "speaking over the phone", by just talking to it, of course.

Walked like a model on a podium - talking and talking, I didn't care. No one even noticed my presence while I was "on the phone" or more like I didn't pick that up. I got directly through our local square, usually I get the darker part, this time I got straight under the lights, there were maybe 15 people around - some couple, the guy was arguing about something, the chick calmed him down, another one was yelling over the phone, another guy was trying to calm his kid down, an older couple just sitting there, anyway - I just dropped my butt on an empty bench and started smoking a cigarette. Few guys passed by me, only one of them took a good look at me, I also looked at him, and I smiled at him, while I was "talking". :D Nothing. No surprised faces, no reactions, actually - it was exactly if I was dressed up normally as a man. I then smoked another cigarette and I realized almost an hour has passed. My walks usually last 30 minutes, and I am alert all the time, but now it was different. No alerts, no concerns, I was diving deep into my thoughts (I talked to myself over the phone, to be honest, regarding some actual issues :D ) I just had to pee, I got cold, so I did another 15 mins walk around the block to get back home (and to get warm) and that was it. I wasn't "safely at home", I was just at home. :)

I'll try this again tonight, hopefully it can turn into a date, actually, so we can walk around as a couple, I don't know yet. ;)

The thing is, everyone cares while you care. I might say I had a form of anxiety as a guy, which got busted on my second venue (yeah, I used to play in a band), so I just used the same method for the gal and it worked. The friend trick, the phone trick or whatever other trick only helps hardening our self-confidence, it's not a must-have, just a good-to-have. It helped me out, I hope it can help out someone else, too, but remember - there's no all-in-one solution, you will create one for you by learning.

One serious concern I have about what you said, Alorob29, and it is the aggression you mentioned. I don't know where you're from and what kind of people you may have to deal with, or what the local law enforcement status is, so please be careful with such persons. Lesser minds will always claim they know better, so you being a CD, TG or whatever is just wrong for them, and you must be "fixed", hence their lesser minds. I had issues for being a long-haired metalhead in my youth, so the same is valid for any other kind of stuff they can't process (being one now only causes respect). If you have, say, two bodybuilders with you, it would be different (:heehee:), but it's hard to achieve, yeah... :daydreaming: Anyway, there are fully legal and smart ways to quickly defend yourself, and women around here are actually being advised to do so, just in case.

Damn, it's getting late and I haven't prepped myself yet! Gotta go, and I'm waiting for your experience to share, love! I wish you have a lot of fun! :)

Regards
Grace

[char GG]

Although I'm a GG, I've been out with my SO enough to say this: When you first go out, your inclination is to LOOK for a reaction from others. This sometimes makes you look suspicious. (Eyes darting around, walking like you have done something wrong, etc). Of course, be alert about your surroundings but don't act like you are expecting people to look at you. I'm sure it is hard to do. You have as much right to be out as anyone else. Just enjoy.

[Sandi Beech]

Hey Thatgirl417, I see you are in the Missouri area. I have been dressed up in St Louis twice this year and had a blast at the Rehab bar there. I met GG's who were very friendly and we had a LOT of fun. One had me dancing with her, and trying to get me to do these twerking moves. We had so much fun and I was getting big hugs. So even though you will be greatly stressed at first, you just have to trust that at least someone is going to be nice enough to you to make it all worth the effort. Then the stress level goes WAY down and you can relax and have a good time. I just smile or make some comment about liking someone's skirt or shoes,etc, and that's about all it takes to break the ice.

Sandi

[Alorob29]

Hey Grace

Thabk you for sharing your stories. It's almost as if it where me hahaha.

Regarding the aggression, I'm form. M?xico city, it's actually pretty progressive, I'm actually going to a famous gay bar that has many drag queens going to. However, Mexico is pretty misogynistic and of course there is a lot of lack of education. And law enforcement isn't a thing to really trust as they sometimes are corrupt. So yeah, it's not the best scenario but at least is something that can be done with some degreerl of confidence.

I'll be sharing my experience when done. Right now, getting all ready for tonight... 💄👠👙💅😊

[sweetdreams]

I actually went to a makeup session. Two of them. First session in a "beauty parlor" with 20 GGs (mixture of clientellle and makeup artists). Second one I was full on enfemme. Same venue (beauty parlor) but smaller crowd, only about 10 GGs (clients and makeup artists).

Second session I was fully dolled up. Wig, skirt, blouse, etc. No one flinched. All very supportive. Got compliments on my outfit.

As I watched my male facial features vanish, I started to see my feminine features come out. I looked at myself in a mirror and started to see a woman.

As I drove home I felt I had to put this to the test. I decided to walk through a busy mall on the way home. I won't bore you with the details (I've shared this before), but I was scared shitless.

It started out bumpy but I pursued and everything was fine. Walked a busy mall with no real bad issues. Certainly no pitch forks and torches. All was good. It was a real confidence builder, but that's also not to say subsequent outings were' scary.

Been out several time since and never a bad experience. Many surprising ones. Truly enchanting outings, each and every one.

Get out there. Stand up to the world and say "this is who I am, deal with it". It's surprising how accommodating it is.

[JuliaGirl]

Just to add in ... sale associates in women's boutique stores tend to be the most caring, hippest, and supportive and happy to help people I've met. I have not yet had the courage to go out (hell, no one has seen my dressed, even) ... I was lout yesterday with my transitioning daughter (only 5 months on estrogen) buying women's clothes with her the first time ever, and the SAs were some of the most amazing and delightful people I have ever encountered.

Sure, they are trying to make a sale, but they were genuinely so helpful with style tips and clothing picks I can't help but imagine they'd be anything but the same if I had walked in en femme, obviously not passing ... they'd have been happy to help and completely non-judgemental. Granted, this was in a major city and a funky part of town ... but still, nice to see it happen.

[Jacqueline1965]

My first real outing was to a gay bar to see a drag show. Yes I was scared shitless and in hindsight it was the safest place I could have been at the time. It took me 5 or 6 outings to start feeling comfortable in my own skin. Once I realized that things were ok and that I felt confident in my presentation it got much easier. Also, most people are so self absorbed in their day to day lives that they really don't notice you unless you are doing something outrageous. I just try to wear something that looks "put together" and do the best with what I have. Everyone I have interacted with as Jackie has treated me at minimum with acceptance and respect. The people I interact with at stores are amazing and supportive. I now live as Jackie about 85% of the time and couldn't be happier. My spouse is also very supportive. Good Luck!

[Alorob29]

Hey girls. As promised, I've made a thread telling the experience of my first time out. It's a long post so I will copy the link if you'd like to read it.
If any girl has a question or want some kind of advice, message me,ill more than gladly reply and help
Anyway, here is the link https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?267410-Going-out-for-the-first-time!#128561&p=4405568#post4405568
Just have confidence and trust and the girl you've imagine will be crossing your fears. 😊😉
Xoxo