Someone asked "Does wearing women's clothes make one less of a man?"

[RainbowDash]

So today I answered a question on Quora which asked this question, and I was curious as to everyone's opinions about this.
I myself have not given it any thought as to whether or not crossdressing makes me less of a man and more of a woman. Well when I dress up , I do indeed feel more girly and feminine, and that's the way I like it. The suggestion of such a thing is crazy. But even if it did mean that dressing up as a woman would make me seen as more feminine and less manly, I would still dress up in absolutely everything that I have, because I love to express my feminine side, and it just feels so darn good to me when I dress up. I constantly keep thinking back as to when and how I became a crossdresser, and how I almost let this grand opportunity slip by. I get sad thoughts in my mind just thinking about how I could've very easily gone through life without dressing up. And why? Because I was afraid of this exact thing, that people would see me as less of a man.
As far as it making me less of a man, I say total bullshit. I still act and feel like a typical man and like the things they do. I could care less about sappy romance stories like a real woman would. I told him to just go with his guts and instincts and just go with it and have fun.

[Kay J]

As far as i am concerned you are right on!

[Robertacd]

In my case, yes it does. If wearing woman's clothing made me feel manly I wouldn't be doing it.

But that being said, I think this question is directly related to the whole TG versus CD label thing that goes on here.

I have noticed CD's seem go out of their way to ensure everyone that they are indeed "still a man". I know, I did it myself.

[susan54]

One time I was in a boutique where the owner knew I was male and she told me I had balls going out in public dressed as a woman.

[Alorob29]

This is a pretty interesting question. I do feel that this exactly is one of the many fears a cross dresser has. I can surely say that questioning if I am man enough has been what has stopped me for further indulging myself.
It's funny how society has transformed the fact of being a girl or feeling like one a bad thing as if women were some sort of undesirable thing to be as you would be dumber or weaker or something. I think this has todo with toxic masculinity with things such as "you run like a girl" "you crying like a girl" and stuff like that when as a matter of fact it has nothing to do with it.
I do think that it's been transformed that a woman wearing men clothes is even empowering while a guy wearing girls clothes is a fag or the likes. It shouldn't be like that.
Without entering in the gender dysphoria thing, I do think that it doesn't make you less of a man, or for that matter, less of a woman. We should only be worried about being less of a human being or less empathetic, without considering the gender or preferred social role as the definitions of what qualifies as "man" or "woman" vary a lot.
I know for experience that is really difficult to not care for what others might think, but as long as you are comfortable and secure enough of who you are and what you, I do think people will sort out themselves and most wont really care at all, and even if they don't, people who love you and care and yourself know better.

[Aunt Kelly]

It's not the clothes. 😉

[Micki_Finn]

Well with any question like that you have to ask, what is the standard for “a man”?

[Alice Torn]

J Edgar Hoover, the long time law and order strong leader of the once great FBI, is sadit ohave been a crossdresser.

[Jean 103]

Yes if you are talking about the stereotypical man, like mister C from happy days. How much less? It would depend on the individual.

Like if he were to wear a witch costume for halloween, I don't thing it would have any effect at all. If he were to started wearing dresses 24/7, I think that could be measured.

A better question would be does it make you less of a person, or does it have the exact opposite effect and make you a better person. Then it could have no effect at all.

It does make life more interesting.

[dallasmann]

There are those instances where it's been somewhat true, but as Aunt Kelly so clearly stated, it's not the clothes. I know to a certainty that in so many aspects of married life, I was far less than the man my ex-wife needed and wanted. My desire to dress was barely a blip on the radar. Dressing does not stop me from doing the things one would generally associate with being the man of the household. Then again, I do many stereotypical woman of the house things, too, and for me, that's not about fulfilling my desires and roles as a woman, but is rather about being a good partner and sharing duties. Anything that required a steady hand was my responsibility and anything that was heavy and needed to be moved was hers.

[abbiedrake]

I'm not sure people are so easily altered.

I'm no less a man because of the clothes I wear. But the same token I'm no more a man when I'm in male clothes.

The woman I am is not affected by what I wear is what I'm saying. But I can express a preference.

[Rachelakld]

Totally a less of a man when dressed, unless the situation changes and I need to be a man, then I'm more of a man than most men.

[suzanne]

Wearing a dress does not make me less of a man. It makes me more of a complete human being. I am not complete unless both my male and female sides are full partners in my day to day life.

I think of it this way. For the first forty years of my life, the male side drove the car, and drove it like a real man, in all the ways possible, good or bad. Meanwhile the girl stayed in the trunk. At first, she believed that was where she belonged, but when we were about 16, she poked her head out and found mom's lingerie drawer. The man cub tried to keep her hidden and even tried to get rid of her, but she was resilient and adamant. Over the years, the power dynamic shifted and now she drives he car while the man rides in the back seat, having enjoyed decades of alpha male privileges and burdens. He now realizes.its more fun and relaxing in the back seat. And he doesn't mind being complimented for his sexy legs!

[abbiedrake]

Oh that's pretty damn close to how I feel now Suzanne.
I'd go as far as to say that it was me who drank for 30 years so 'he' could look like he was in charge.
He does what he's told now. Silly boy.

[alwayshave]

What Suzanne said, I am just a more complete human being.

[GretchenM]

It really depends on your definitions of what constitutes a man or a woman. Those are not fixed targets and in society they frequently shift around. So, in my opinion, it comes down to how you define it for yourself. I am more TG than CD so I change my clothes expression of my gender ("dressing") BECAUSE I feel feminine rather than TO FEEL feminine. In my experience this can be a big difference between CDs and TGs even though the final result in the expression is the same and both are quite equal in their addressing emotional needs. Whether you are more or less of a man is really, I think, a personal matter and whether you are considering the total person and the total personality of the individual or you are viewing it from that ambiguous world of social definitions. And as for what other people think that is also a personal thing for them. But, the bottomline, as others have pointed out, is what kind of person are you. In Gretchen mode I am a bit more empathetic and compassionate than in the male mode. So does a lack of empathy and compassion define manliness? Once again it comes back to the ambiguity of definitions and the much more centralized and more defined individual perceptions held by different people.

[Karmen]

I don't think wearing women's clothes makes me less of a man, but generally people still think that. That's why for most CDs is such a struggle to come out of the closet and that step will turn their life upside down in most cases.

[CynthiaD]

The question seems to be based on an underlying assumption that manly is good and feminine is bad. What if we start with the assumption that feminine is good and manly is bad? Then we might ask: Does cross dressing make you feel like a better person? Or better yet, why not discard both assumptions?

My female clothing is an affirmation of how I feel about myself. I'm female. All the time, regardless of how I'm dressed.

[sara66]

I am still the same man as I have always been, just dressed better. My wife said she doesn't want to see me dressed because she feel she would see me as less of the man she married. I still am the same man she married, I have been dressing is I was 4 or 5 so I don't see how people can perceive that all of a sudden we are different.
Sara

[ReineD]

As far as it making me less of a man, I say total bullshit.

Good for you!

The idea that men should be a certain way - i.e. strong, capable, stoic, self-confident, domineering, etc, and that women should also be a certain way - emotional, giving, coquettish, submissive, and even illogical (i.e. incapable of understanding car mechanics or balancing a checkbook), was very strong in the 1950s and 60s. Not any more. Both men and women can be and do all things now. The only difference between the two sexes, really, are their ability to give birth and lactate due to having different body parts, and the degrees of physical strength due to general differences in size and muscle mass.

And so what does it mean to be "less than a man" in 2019. Does it mean less than the male stereotype that was popular during the 1950s? I think this person was asking the wrong question. The question rather should have been, "Am I less than a person because I crossdress". The answer is no. We all are who we are and we do what we do. Period. It's all good, as long as we do no harm.



... that a woman wearing men clothes ...

You're new, so welcome! But I need to set you straight. Women don't wear men's clothes. We buy our pants and shirts in the women's section. :)

[GaleWarning]

You're new, so welcome! But I need to set you straight. Women don't wear men's clothes. We buy our pants and shirts in the women's section. :)

Perhaps so, Reine, but the majority of women I see on public transport here in London on an average day look as if they had bought their clothes in the men's section. Decidedly unfeminine!

[Jenny22]

Rainbow, you said in your closing comments,"Because I was afraid of this exact thing, that people would see me as less of a man."
If that was to happen with friends of yours, you might well think that they might see you as less of a man, or something. But if seen by complete strangers, what does it matter what they think? In the final analysis it's what YOU think. Do you believe you are less of a man when dressed, or not?

[sometimes_miss]

I play at being a girl, but when I need to be a man, then I'm more of a man than most men.
As a parody quote of the XX beer commercial guy, this is pretty much the universal crossdresser response in order to protect their own ego. So many feel the need to express that they're 'more of a man than most men'.
It just never ends.

[Alice Torn]

Reine, i agree with you to a good extent, but women's brains are slightly different, also. The corpus colossum , which joins left and right brain, are thicker in most all women, so they are able to MULTI TASK better than men. Which makes women better at taking care of children, and doing other things a the same time, far better than most men.

[AnotherSarah]

Does it make less a man, no, just prettier!

[Stephanie47]

Totally a less of a man when dressed, unless the situation changes and I need to be a man, then I'm more of a man than most men.

I've been rereading this thread for the last two days trying to put my two cents in the pot. I have no idea what this sentence means. Not the slightest.

[Rachel05]

I think cross dressing helps me be a more understanding man and at work it has been said many times by some of my colleagues that I do seem to be in touch with my feminine side and no, they don?t know about my cross dressing

I dress because it makes me feel very nice, yes I feel womanly when I?m dressed, that?s exactly how I want to feel and I love that feeling, I don’t want to be a woman full time but I definitely love being one part time

If you asked any of my friends and colleagues they would likely describe me as a mans man but I just so happens I need both my man and woman time, does it bother me that I feel womanly, no, not in the slightest, I embrace that feeling and for me at least, I am at peace with who I am, it took me a while to find that peace but I?m there

Back to where I started, I think Once I found my inner peace it allowed me to be a more understanding person in life

[Gaz]

I think this question is directly related to the whole TG versus CD label thing that goes on here.

I have noticed CD's seem go out of their way to ensure everyone that they are indeed "still a man". I know, I did it myself.

Similarly, I have noticed that some seem to go out of their way to inform everyone that whatever a person might feel about themselves is inconsequential, because what's happened to them makes everyone else's future set in stone. I know, I've seen it myself.

[ReineD]

Decidedly unfeminine!

I'm sure that many CDers would agree with you. But, the rest of us don't judge femininity just based on clothing.

I don't think this woman looks masculine at all:

anninc.scene7.com/is/image/AN/387660_9000?$pdp2x$

[Karmen]

Rainbow, you said in your closing comments,"Because I was afraid of this exact thing, that people would see me as less of a man."
If that was to happen with friends of yours, you might well think that they might see you as less of a man, or something. But if seen by complete strangers, what does it matter what they think? In the final analysis it's what YOU think. Do you believe you are less of a man when dressed, or not?

I believe most of us are afraid what family, friends and coworkers will think, when they find out. We don't care about strangers. But when you go out or even dress at home, if you're not living alone, it's always a possibility you stumble on someone you know when dressed, not only strangers. That's a problem and we don't want to risk it to often or even never.

[Stephanie too]

All good points. I especially like the idea that "it takes balls" to dress as a woman in public. I truly believe I am a better, more complete and true to myself person but.

I have a teenage daughter. She has always looked up to me as the very strong father figure. It's all well and good to say we don't care what others think but I do care about her. I read about all the members here that go out with their children. I just don't know. Is she ready to see daddy in a sun dress?

[NancyJ]

Yes, being transgender makes me less of a man. I don’t like being a man. So what? Nancy

[GaleWarning]

I'm sure that many CDers would agree with you. But, the rest of us don't judge femininity just based on clothing.

I don't think this woman looks masculine at all:

anninc.scene7.com/is/image/AN/387660_9000?$pdp2x$

I don't think her look is particularly feminine at all, Reine. Apart form the fact that she has a decidedly more female visage than I, I could probably dress in those clothes and a wig and pass!

What shoes is she wearing? Now that might make me change my opinion!

[Paulie Birmingham]

Yes, being transgender makes me less of a man. I don’t like being a man. So what? Nancy
Good answer. And it shows how much we run the spectrum here.

[Jodi Yardley]

hi all, its not the clothing that makes me feel less masculine but to me rather getting older is the reason. Some things that have affected me is less physical strength, other people needing to depend on me less and also the issues with ED, this makes me feel like less of a man. (I have no regrets)

Not to diminish the roles of women's place in society, but I now feel I fit in better being feminine and acting like a woman. I feel SO much better when I am dressed and doing things anymore.

I am married for 37 years without her knowledge of my cd'ing and it would end the marriage if she did find out.

Not sure if this makes any sense to others but this is the best that I can explain it.

[LilSissyStevie]

Being less of a man is the whole point for me. I know clothing is only symbolic but like a prison inmate reading tropical travel brochures, it offers momentary relief from the reality of the situation.

[Ressie]

I think I would be more manly if I didn't cross dress but I'm still a man. OTOH dressing in public takes courage which is an attribute associated with manliness.

[LydiaL]

The more I dress, the less of a man I become, the happier I am.

[Jodie_Lynn]

Depends on the definition of what "man, manly, masculine" means to you.

I like to think that we become more complete humans, myself.

[Micki_Finn]

I don't think her look is particularly feminine at all, Reine. Apart form the fact that she has a decidedly more female visage than I, I could probably dress in those clothes and a wig and pass!

What shoes is she wearing? Now that might make me change my opinion!

How ironic that your tag says “living in the present”...

[April Rose]

@Alice Torn; actually, Alice, there are those in the scientific community that would dispute that:

https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-019-00677-x

[ReineD]

I don't think her look is particularly feminine at all, Reine. Apart form the fact that she has a decidedly more female visage than I, I could probably dress in those clothes and a wig and pass!


Here is where we differ. To me, femininity is 100% chromosomal. I agree that the style of women's clothing can be more or less feminine, but nothing will change a person's inherent femininity. It's just clothing style!

I'm working on updating my house. New paint, new floors, new baseboards and casings, new tile. I do all of this while wearing paint-stained and torn old clothes, my hair tied back, no makeup and certainly no jewelry. And I don't consider myself to be one iota less feminine because of this. No one coming to the door would ever mistake me for a man, nor would think that I was wearing men's clothing. They'd just see it as what it is ... a very feminine woman who happens to be wearing old paint-stained clothes because she is working on a project.

When I do dress up, I don't think of myself as more feminine - just more dressed up! Clothes are just different styles. Femininity or masculinity comes from within. But, I do fully understand why crossdressers would feel differently. :)

To me, an indication that a M2F transition is 100% physically successful is when the M2F can wear old jeans and a Tshirt, no makeup, etc, and no one would guess they were born male.


Reine, i agree with you to a good extent, but women's brains are slightly different, also. The corpus colossum , which joins left and right brain, are thicker in most all women, so they are able to MULTI TASK better than men. Which makes women better at taking care of children, and doing other things a the same time, far better than most men.

I know that you'd like to believe this, but experience proves otherwise and researchers disagree. Look at all the single dads out there. They have to be able to multi-task and they can certainly take care of their kids! My brother is a prime example. He raised two kids on his own and today they are remarkable adults! :) Also, men who aren't single dads can certainly multi-task and take care of kids, risk-taking is not inherently a male characteristic, and ability for language is not superior in females!

I think it's time to stop generalizing. Lumping people together in the same boat by saying one group is better or worse than another at doing certain things, is like saying all crossdressers are perverts just because one crossdresser was arrested for public indecent exposure.



there are those in the scientific community that would dispute that:

https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-019-00677-x

Excellent article, April Rose. Everyone should read this.

And here's another:

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/12/03/opinion/male-female-brains-mosaic.html (https://www.nytimes.com/2018/12/03/opinion/male-female-brains-mosaic.html)

[Richelle423]

For me wearing women?s clothes just reaffirms and compliments me as as a woman who I feel internally.nothing more nothing less

[Teri Ray]

I figure that I have this desire to dress in female clothing. When this urge strikes I believe I do exhibit more feminine traits. But I do not believe that when I am not dressed it changes who I am naturally. So for me, I think I am not less of a man because I have this desire to crossdress.

[CDMargret]

I figure that I have this desire to dress in female clothing. When this urge strikes I believe I do exhibit more feminine traits. But I do not believe that when I am not dressed it changes who I am naturally. So for me, I think I am not less of a man because I have this desire to crossdress.

Yes. Exactly as Teri stated above is how I feel about dressing.

[KarenSusan]

In answer to the original query "I hope so".

[Asew]

Isn't the point to be less of a man? No one dons a dress to be manlier :)

Interesting enough, twice while trick or treating with my kids I was wearing a bo peep costume and got two comments along the line of "it takes big balls to wear that." :)

[RainbowDash]

Asew you are right. I don't dress up in women's clothes to be more manly, I do it to be more feminine.
I would say that I am very much a man when dressed up in my usual men's clothes. But in a way, I do become less of a man when dressed in women's clothes. That doesn't bother me at all, as long as I am not seen as less of a man when I go back to my male identity.

[Teresa]

RainbowDash,
To quote Eddie Izzard again , " they're not women's clothes but mine ! "

I've reached the point where I wear the clothes that I feel comfortable in as Teresa , they are chosen for the appropriate circumstances and how I feel that day . To make Reine's point I have paint stained jeans and Tshirts which do happen to be female items . So do I feel less of a man , to be truthful I'm not concerned because I prefer not to see the man , he has all but gone but it doesn't stop me doing jobs a man would do but I'm also not holding back doing jobs as Teresa . It's so good now not even thinking twice about walking into the builder's merchant to pick the items I need to rebuild my kitchen . At the trade counter I was sorting some plumbing fittings and then went to pick up some tile samples and got into a conversation with a lovely sales lady about choosing foundation colours , she was so grateful when I gave her my colour chart .

Just a PS to Reine , even paint stained I'll still have makeup on , you never know who's going to ring the doorbell !!

[SophyV]

For me I have been able to focus on my wife more since I decided to start dressing. I am able to do my work better because I have a release for the pent up desire to let my feminine out. I am a better father because I can listen better. Aren't all of those characteristics of a good man?