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View Full Version : Misgendered at Best Buy - but SA was very apologetic



Ceera
11-05-2019, 02:04 PM
I am MtF, full time as a woman, and I am at a point in my transition where I rarely get misgendered any more. My appearance, demeanor, and even my voice say ‘female’ loudly enough to overcome most reservations others might have about my height, how wide my shoulders are, or other tells that may make them think of me as male. I am five foot ten and weigh about 220 pounds, but with my 40C breast forms and my hip pads, my figure is well within female norms, as is my facial structure. People often tell me what a beautiful woman I am.

Yesterday, I was out running several errands. It was a brisk day, but not quite cold enough to ensure I needed to wear a coat. I was dressed in a blue cap-sleeve blouse with a 3 inch wide lace hemline, a short blue skirt, grey insulated leggings, and grey/purple sneakers. My makeup was done in an understated daytime look, with crimson red lipstick, and my fingernails were femininely shaped, and also crimson red. My long wavy hair - past shoulder length, though I had not used a curling iron recently - plus my small black purse, bracelet, necklace with a small watch pendant, feminine sparkly stud earrings, and a butterfly hair clip all implied ‘female’. In short, I looked like most women would when out running errands, with some care to my appearance, but my hair and makeup were not dolled up like they might be for an evening of going out.

So, one of my stops was at Best Buy, to purchase a 24 inch or so monitor or TV to use in my bedroom, with a Blu Ray player That I already own. My intended budget was under one hundred dollars, US. I really was hoping for just an HDMI input monitor with built-in speakers, and no other features, as I had no intention of hooking it up to a TV antenna, or to cable TV, or to the Internet. The best I found for my purposes, while looking on my own, was either a stand-alone DVD player with screen (would play most of my movies that I have on DVD, but not the newer Blu Ray discs), or getting a small TV set and ignoring the TV tuner aspect.

A female SA asked if she could help, and I told her what I was seeking. She took me to the TV section and used her radio headset to ask a more knowledgable male SA - apparently a department head - to help me. (They all had radio sets in one ear.) As she called him over, she clearly said, “This lady is looking for...”, and used only female pronouns in referring to me.

The male SA was, to give him the benefit of the doubt, rather distracted by the radio chatter from his department. All of their SA’s were busy with customers, and several had more people waiting. Despite dealing with several of his associates radio calls at the same time, he politely guided me to the low end TV sets, and I picked one suitable to my needs. Then he said he could ring it up for me on my way out.

All good, so far... until, as we walked to his checkout counter, he said something like, “We’ll get you taken care of, buddy.” Okay, so I let that slide, as he might have used buddy in a generic way, as many people use dude. But as he started to ring up my sale, he asked, “And would you like a service contract with that, sir?”

I sighed, and replied, “First off, it’s Ma’am. I assure you I’m not smuggling cantaloupes here,” gesturing to my breasts. “Second, no, I don’t want the service contract, thank you.”

I think it was only then that he really looked at me, with his full attention. He was immediately apologetic. “Oh! I’m so sorry, Ma’am! I’m really not like that at all, Ma’am, I promise! I didn’t mean to...” I swear, he could not have been more flustered if he had misgendered an obviously cisgender woman.

I cut off his stammering apology with a smile, and said graciously, ”It’s all right. I would imagine most of your customers are male. You get stuck in a rut, using sir to address them.”

We finished the transaction with him unfailingly calling me Ma’am, and about every third sentence from him was more apologizing. I left feeling glad I had taken the high road and not taken offense at being misgendered. To be honest, his first misgendering almost cost him the sale. I certainly could have told him he had offended me and that I was taking my business elsewhere. But it had clearly not been his intent to offend me, and he corrected his behavior quite well once his error was pointed out.

Lana Mae
11-05-2019, 02:14 PM
You handled that well, Ceera! You go girl! Hugs Lana Mae

Robertacd
11-05-2019, 02:56 PM
You handled that with grace and class, but you are not the first Transwoman I have heard of being misgendered at Best Buy.

I suspect they have no diversity training what so ever for their floor staff.

Jodie_Lynn
11-05-2019, 06:45 PM
This is THE WAY, this should be handled, and not by turning into a rabid, frothing-at-the-mouth lunatic.

Not only is this relevant to CD's and transpersons, but in other areas of life as well.

It seems, in this day & age, especially in the U.S., that people are actively looking to be offended, or to play the victim. There are times when people make simple mistakes, and other times when people are deliberately trying to be mean and hurtful. The trick is learning to tell them apart

Once I was in Macy's, en femme, and with my ex. I saw and picked up a very pretty lingerie set, and we proceeded to the cashier station, after browsing through the Ladies department and finding nothing else. At the checkout, I handed over my credit card, with my male name, and the female cashier, ran the transaction, then handed me back my card with a very audible (I think they heard her on the first floor...) "Here you are, SIR!"

I smiled, took back my card, and commented in a voice loud enough to be heard by the customers behind me, "Ya know buddy, if you shaved off that mustache, you'd be much convincing." I swear, I thought she was going to have a stroke, and my ex was laughing so hard I thought she was going to pee herself.

Was it spiteful of me? Yes, but the harridan deserved it.

Tracii G
11-05-2019, 06:55 PM
You handled it perfectly Ceera

alwayshave
11-05-2019, 09:51 PM
Ceera, I'm sorry that happened to you.

Crissy 107
11-05-2019, 10:15 PM
Ceera, You handled a potentially difficult situation correctly. Good for you!

Kaylin
11-06-2019, 12:20 AM
Kudos to you Ceera for the way you handled that. Couldn't of been handled any better than that.

Helen_Highwater
11-06-2019, 04:59 AM
If you're human, you make mistakes. As it's said many times here, very very few of us truly ever pass 100%. No matter how far hormones and surgery have taken us it's very difficult to erase all of the signs.

He read you, that goes into his subconscious and the social auto pilot kicks in. Nothing malicious, just human nature.

Your response was right on the money. No ranting or raving, just a polite correction.

The trick is to know when when it's an honest mistake and when it's deliberate.

I know I've been deliberately mis-gendered on a couple of occasions and I must admit to letting it slide as the persons involved were just not worth the expenditure of breath. That said reading posts like this gives me greater resolve to challenge such bad behaviour. After all, if you see it and do nothing you're part of the problem and not part of the solution.

Marianne S
11-17-2019, 02:31 PM
Ceera, I don't believe this was about any need for "diversity training," or any of that modern trendy garbage. This was just about two WELL INTENTIONED HUMAN BEINGS, one of whom (the guy at Best Buy) made an understandable mistake. For which he IMMEDIATELY and HUMBLY apologized, while you of course handled the situation assertively and perfectly.

Thank goodness for HUMANS acting with HUMANITY, which both of you did!

The world isn't so bad when people do that. Instead of getting all riled up, or hopelessly embarrassed, and all the rest of what those things entail. Congratulations for setting the example for a better world!

MonicaPVD
11-18-2019, 07:46 AM
I was dressed in a blue cap-sleeve blouse with a 3 inch wide lace hemline, a short blue skirt, grey insulated leggings, and grey/purple sneakers. My makeup was done in an understated daytime look, with crimson red lipstick, and my fingernails were femininely shaped, and also crimson red. My long wavy hair - past shoulder length, though I had not used a curling iron recently - plus my small black purse, bracelet, necklace with a small watch pendant, feminine sparkly stud earrings, and a butterfly hair clip all implied ?female?. In short, I looked like most women would when out running errands, with some care to my appearance, but my hair and makeup were not dolled up like they might be for an evening of going out.

That's a pretty exhausting description! We get it, honey, you very much look like a woman because you are a woman. The fact that some distracted or rude minimum wage earner at a dying retail store didn't see fit to address you properly should mean nothing to you. He's the modern equivalent of a horse shoe salesman working down the street from Henry Ford. Pay no mind, beautiful sister.

CynthiaD
11-18-2019, 09:05 AM
Oddly, I?d been shopping en femme in dozens if not hundreds of different stores, and the only place I can remember being misgendered is Best Buy.

docrobbysherry
11-18-2019, 01:08 PM
I think it's nice when SA's and servers refer to my gender by how I'm dressed. But, on the other hand, I'm not out to get, "ma'am"ed. I'm there to shop or eat!:straightface:

If they do their job well? I don't care if they call me, "Sherry", "Robert", "Bub", "Dude", or "Hey u!":thumbsup:

Sallee
11-18-2019, 02:24 PM
I called a girl at one of my support groups Sir once and ir was a total accident. It essentially just a generic remark I did apologize We were both dressed in a very fem manner so there was no excuse especially at a TG support group meeting

dallasmann
11-18-2019, 02:40 PM
I assure you I?m not smuggling cantaloupes here,? gesturing to my breasts.
We're each in our own shoes, and I understand you having to navigate life in your own way, but your statement made me feel something I didn't like. I do appreciate you sharing the story of what happened and your handling of it, though.