Have any of you ever seen a MALE THERAPIST about CDing?

[Alice Torn]

I see that many, including me, have seen female therapists. have any ever talked to a man therapist concerning CDing or marriage issues with Cding?

[Patience]

Why should the therapist's gender be a factor?

[Alice Torn]

I will say, that for me, I would be a lot more cautious and nervous. I have seen a female therapist, but, there is a gut feeling, about seeing a guy, for some reason. When out dressed up, i always have been a bit more nervous around men, than GGs. Maybe it is because many men have a different and threatened reaction to a guy dressed as a woman. I have only told two men that i dress.

[Alice Torn]

I am going to a new therapist at the VA next week, another woman. Part of me thinks i need to see a male therapist. It would help me to overcome my fear of men knowing about my Alice side. Thanks Kim for sharing.

[Robertacd]

I would say Patience is right as long as they are versed in gender therapy.

The only therapist I ever spoke with about my crossdressing was a GM my parents sent me to when I was a very confused teenager. From them I learned what a fetish was and I latched onto that explanation. Even as young as I was, I could sense that being a "weirdo" was somehow more acceptable than being transgender.

It's just a fetish... That became my big lie... To myself most of all.

[Alice Torn]

I see not many of you are posting. That makes me think that very few have seen a male therapist.

[Mariabella]

I would never unpack my bags to any man. Too many helped pack them in the first place that I would NEVER trust some male with my mind and emotions.

[Sidney]

Interesting question. Ive only seen two counselors. One male who I saw after my divorce from my first wife 30 years ago. Nothing CD related, felt comfortable with him and bared my soul to him.

The second, female, I started seeing three or so years ago for CD issues and again felt comfortable and told ALL.

After reading this post and it started me thinking. I feel very comfortable talking about anything and everything no matter what it is. Im not sure I would have been comfortable talking to my first male counselor about my Sidney side and my female feelings.

Of course I dont have any close male friends and have always found it easier to talk to females.

[Teresa]

Alice ,
My first therapist was male but that was over twenty years ago and thinking has moved on , he was expensive but also crap at his job !!

My last therapists were both female but it shouldn't make any difference if they can perform their job well , perhaps I do open up more to women .

[Alice Torn]

I find it much easier to open up to women. I was not close to my father, and it was war between us. I was much closer to my mother, and that is one reason. Also, i was abused by boys and men.

[Crissy 107]

Why should the therapist's gender be a factor?
To me if I were to see a therapist I would definitely prefer a woman, I just feel she would be easier to talk with.

[Meeshell]

Hi Alice,
The only therapist I've ever seen was a male. It was this year. I am closeted, per say,and I don't particularly desire to be out to family, friends, and people I generally associate with, however, I don't live in fear of being outed. I had no problem opening up to him about my situation. I felt the implied confidentiality of patient/therapist was good enough for me.
I got a sort of, "So what's the problem?" vibe from him. He did help me with some insights into how and why for me personally, and some help with dealing with the stresses involved. Of course everybody's different, but, I think having a male's perspective, may have been helpful for me. I think I would be fine with a female also. It was just nice to talk to a objective person.

Hugs
MeeShell

[Alice Torn]

Thanks Teresa and Meeshell for sharing your experiences.

[sometimes_miss]

I saw male psychologists during my school years, but I never mentioned anything about crossdressing, gender or sexuality. Back then, it was often just a session where they used some manipulative wording in order to get the child to agree to work harder in school, probably so they could declare in their report that the session was successful in converting a poor student into a hard working student that would now make everyone else happy by sacrificing his own needs so that everyone else could be proud of how the poor kid's life reflected on themselves.
Basically I admitted to being depressed, and lonely, because none of the girls I liked had any interest in me. Imagine my dismay, when my counselors and psychologists told me that what I was feeling was just 'puppy love', and that it wasn't important; that what I should be focusing on was my schoolwork, and trying to get into a good college. It was mind crushing to see that none of them cared at all about what was bothering me so much. All they wanted, was a little overachieving student they could be proud of. Nothing else.
So much for male psychologists back then.
Right now, I work with one very good male psychologist; the other two, well, stink. They seem to hate coming to see their patients, and the overwhelming feeling I get from them, is that their patients aren't willing to pull themselves up by the bootstraps to make themselves get better.
Not all of the women are good, either. None are older than 50; most are middle aged.
I don't know how much is due to burn out, maybe a lot. But the most caring ones seem to be young to middle aged women.

[LilSissyStevie]

When I was younger I had plenty of therapists of both sexes. However, I never underwent any counseling willingly so I never got much out of it. The difference between male and female therapists was that I would never talk to the males about anything beyond superficialities and the females I would try to get to feel sorry for me. I was hoping to get some of that "Oh, you poor baby you've had it so tough" kind of crap. Women seemed more likely to buy into my excuses for bad behavior. Once, when I was locked up a psychiatrist told me flat out that I was a latent homosexual. I never told him anything about CDing or my AGP fantasies so I thought he must be psychic since even I thought I might be gay. When I got out, I was still on probation and one of the conditions of release was that I go to weekly counseling at the County mental health clinic. I was assigned to this raven haired beauty just out of college. Her skirts were so short she couldn't sit down without showing her stocking tops. All I could do was study her body and maybe try some of my sob stories on her. She eventually caught on to my BS and dumped me onto one of her male colleagues. I don't remember anything about him. I had another male psychiatrist that I suddenly realized one day was gay and was grooming me. I wasn't sure until he started suggesting I meet him for "extra counseling" off the books and out of the office. I got rid of him but there was yet another shrink that thought I might be gay. I guess the point of this is that you get out of it what you put into it and the sex of the therapist shouldn't matter if you are aware of the sexual dynamics that might be in play between you and the therapist. Actually, they're the ones that are supposed to figure that out but they are human too. The best choice for me would have been a middle aged hetero guy if I could have been honest with him and willing to accept help. But it wasn't to be and it turned out to be a big waste of time. It was just a pit stop on my way to pitiful, incomprehensible demoralization.

[Alice Torn]

LSS, I can relate to your younger days in school. After i graduated HS, i was a very troubled angry torn soul. My parents sent me to a community college to learn mechanics, but i was too emotionally messed up to stick with quit, after one day. i just did not know what the heck i wanted to do. i was extremely unhappy and miserable. i finally got a paint and chemicals factory job, where the fumes got me high all day, and i had 'chemical fumes hangovers" after work. It was toxic, and decades later, it was closed down by the EPA. My whole life has been just survival and damage control. I finally joined the military for a short time. I go to VA therapists now, all female. I start with a new one next week. I will see how it goes. The last one was totally supportive with my dressing, but seemed to push SRS and sex change on me. I still need my guy side,and enjoy doing guy things, but have a strong fem part of me, and fantasy of being a women part time. I know how men can feel threatened by CDers, and their masculinity threatened, if they see an attractive CDer. I have fear of a male therapist not versed in gender issues, who may be repulsed and angered by me discussing it. If a male therapist is educated in it, maybe not so much. I opened up to a former minister, who is a grief counselor now, and he is 2000 miles away. He is very compassionate.

[Ceera]

One of the two therapists I met with to secure my approval letters for transition surgery was male. No different than dealing with the other, who was female.

I have also had medical doctors of both genders, even before I committed to transitioning. They knew I under dressed, and had no issues with it.

[SophyV]

Why should the therapist's gender be a factor?
This goes back to the thread about disliking or being uncomfortable around men. I would never be comfortable enough around a man to talk about any of my issues much less cross dressing

[LilSissyStevie]

The last one was totally supportive with my dressing, but seemed to push SRS and sex change on me.

One of the unfortunate side effects of trans awareness among that profession is that some of them think that any gender non-conformance inevitably leads to transition. If I were inclined to seek therapy nowadays I would be hesitant to mention it for that reason. Never mind the fact that I don't see it as a problem in my case. I doubt that any male therapist is going to be repulsed or threatened by your CDing, more likely you'll get a cheerleader for transition.

[Stevann]

A had a number of sessions with a male therapist with LGTBQ experience. I originally met him at the local PFLAG organization, and I decided to contact him for some visits. I wanted an opinion on where I fit into the "spectrum". After 4 or 5 sessions, he thought I was "gender fluid", and saw little reason for us to continue meeting, unless there were other things I wanted to discuss.

[Nyla F]

I have gone to a male counselor. I was nervous at first talking about being a crossdresser, but he was very professional, never made me feel uncomfortable, except the normal uncomfortable parts of counseling involving being honest with oneself.

I also had a female couples counselor once and also had to talk about the crossdressing then. That was more uncomfortable because of having to work out issues with my wife. So the male counselor was easier to open up to, but probably just because it was just the two of us.

[Patience]

This goes back to the thread about disliking or being uncomfortable around men. I would never be comfortable enough around a man to talk about any of my issues much less cross dressing

That, then, would be the root of the problem, imo, and what really needs to be addressed.

All points concerning female therapists are well taken and convinvcing, but there’s no getting around the fact that there is a bias at play here and it somewhat undermines the rational arguments. Not that I want to change anything.

Folks should get the assistance they need from whoever makes them the most comfortable, for whatever reason. This is a complicated issue and there is no simple answer, but there’s also bias here. It can’t be denied.

[Vickie_CDTV]

It isn't just being male, but their age that may also be a factor.

In more recent times men in medicine and mental health have been trained to have a better, for lack of a better term, "bedside manner". They are generally trained to listen more and be more empathetic than doctors trained, say, 50 years ago. Having dealt with both male doctors and therapists, I would be much more open to a younger male doctor/therapist than an older one. I remember one older therapist I dealt with briefly who was once a psychiatric nurse in the military. I did not get along with him at all. Not that he was not competent professionally, but I am a pretty sensitive person and we did not work well together.

[BTWimRobin]

I am more comfortable in the company of women so I choose a female therapist.

[April Rose]

Alice, I'm not sure what the VA rules are regarding therapy. Do they allow you to choose between candidates, or are you stuck with who they give you? If you are mainly in need of work on your gender issues, you'll want someone trained in that area. If working out your issues with men is your priority I can see why choosing a male therapist might be helpful.

I am so sorry your experiences with men have been so negative. There are kind, decent, rational caring men out there. I have personally benefited from the kindness and friendship of several of them. In hope at some point, you get to experience this as well.

[Alice Torn]

April Rose. I have had and still do have at least one male friend. He is gay, and less judgmental than the other guy friends i have had. i did not come out to any other guy friends i have had,about my dressing , other than a lawyer friend i did some work for. He was not harsh about it, but not too happy about it either. I always thought he might be gay. So, very few if any guys i know now, will I tell about my CDing.

[Ressie]

All points concerning female therapists are well taken and convinvcing, but there?s no getting around the fact that there is a bias at play here and it somewhat undermines the rational arguments.

Everyone discriminates every day don't they? You choose what you want to eat for lunch, who you sleep with, your favorite kind of music etc. I choose not to see a therapist at all.

[SaraLin]

Alice, I'm not sure what the VA rules are regarding therapy. Do they allow you to choose between candidates, or are you stuck with who they give you?

I don't know about therapists. I haven't tried them with VA (yet?)
I WAS given the option when I was signing up for my primary care doctor. I was asked "Is it OK if we set you up with a female doctor?" I was OK with that.
At another time, I asked to be switched to another doctor - and they did.
I'd assume the same would be true with therapists.


Now to answer the OP. Over the years, I have had both male and female therapists and I have been OK with working with all of them.
I'd have to say that I was a bit more comfortable with one of the female therapists, but the acceptance I felt from the males was more affirming.
If that makes any sense.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I never needed a therapist myself. I thoroughly researched my condition (CD), Decided I was NOT Homosexual, kept it well enough and comfortably hidden, and really did not have any problems. I likely know more about it than any Therapist anyway. ;)

Speaking for myself, of course. And why would I want to give up a FUN thing?

[Robin-in-TX]

Alice,

I would not choose a male therapist for the same reasons that others have stated. I am more comfortable with women and if I'm not comfortable, I'm not going to be that open. I'm sure there are plenty of wonderful, male therapists, but I don't think they are for me.

Robin

[Charla]

I?ve always gone to female therapists and psychologists. I?ve switched to female MDs for general practice as I feel more at ease around them. I?ve have good and bad therapists in the mix. One was inexperienced with TGs, one was what I?d call a TG Nazi and basically told me early on what my future was going to be -?You?re going to move out, you?re going to get divorced, you will start hormones, and you will get a man.? That was too strong for me at that time, and even now. My current therapist is laid back and conveniently close to me in west Houston and is experienced with gender issues.

[Robertacd]

I choose not to see a therapist at all.

I have to say I am with Ressie on this one. As I said I was sent to several therapists during my teen years and I do not recall any therapy ever making me feeling better about myself.

[Alice Torn]

To be very honest, i have other mental and emotional health issues besides CD. I also am very alone, and just want the company and someone to talk with about things other than the weather.

[Alaina R]

I saw a male psychiatrist at 22. Nice guy and a little helpful maybe but not really. In my early 30's I went to several psychologists. The sessions were not all about gender but my struggles with gender and sex played a big role in my loneliness, depression and anger and so were certainly part of the discussion/process. I tried several women psychologists and a couple men. Most were pretty worthless. They would want to be comforting which felt good for a moment but was totally useless over time. I was a tough patient now that I think about it (30-35 years later). I would look for their weaknesses and challenge what they do to see their reaction. This was not thought out ahead but, I guess, was part to my psychological process. Unfortunately I was very good at attacking so, if they were not up on their game, it did not go well. I also would express my deep sense of hopelessness and depression which I think scared a couple of them - I'd watch their reaction closely to see if they were up to the challenge. In short, I was not easy and most of the counselors I saw were woefully deficient.

The good news is not everyone stunk. I did see two psychologists who were very good. One was a male and one a female. Note, both had PhDs from good programs and I think that additional training gave them more tools to handle the crap I'd throw at them. So my bias is to recommend well trained psychologists, as opposed to Master level counselors. If you are seriously suicidal then you might go see a psychiatrist to get some drugs to get you over the hump. Also, please keep in mind that their is a difference between seeing a male or female psychologist, not because of them, but because YOU are going to react differently. If there were no discernible difference in your reaction to a male or female therapist then I'd say they are not doing their job very well.

[Patience]

Everyone discriminates every day don't they? You choose what you want to eat for lunch, who you sleep with, your favorite kind of music etc. I choose not to see a therapist at all.

I know what you?re trying to get across, but your examples are unfortunately not equivalent. To wit:


One may choose what to eat for lunch, with the understanding that too much of a single thing is not healthy in the long term, so the best option for the average person is to have a balanced diet, with the exception of individual food intolerances, which are caused by physical, not psychological factors.
Sexual preference is a personal thing as well. Many of us are willing to experiment and seem to consider male attention as some kind of turn on. Could this be part of the problem?
There are people who enjoy all kinds of music. Just not at the same time. People who know Music realize no single genre can provide the full gamut of emotions we are able to feel as human beings and therefore there is much to be gained from taking advantage of the positive aspects each genre has to offer. If you think about it, people who only like one kind of music are deliberately limiting themselves and not doing themselves any favors.


The choice to see a therapist or not, as I see it, is up to the individual. Could that principle be extended to make some kind of equivalency between that and choosing not to eat, choosing to be sexually abstinent and choosing to never listen to music? Of course not.

[Ressie]

So where is this bias that you speak of? I don't see it that way.

[Sabrina133]

The first therapist i saw was male and i was in my early 20s. I kind of picked him out of the phone book because of his hours - he was available on saturdays and in Austin (I was living in Kileen TX about 90 minutes away). As I was still very much in the closet at the time and i couldnt see him on weekdays, it fit the bill. While sympathetic, he didnt have much experience with LGBTQ issues. He provided a soundning board but didnt really help me work out issues.

My next two therapsits were female to include my current counsellor. Both are very experienced trans issues.

I dont think its an issue of gender as much as exprience.

[Leonora]

Why should the therapist's gender be a factor?

I use to see a therapist and both were female, I was just more comfortable talking with a female. I guess it could be personal preference.

[Amelia13]

I have seen a male therapist and discussed my CD'ing with him. I was going to see him for some other reasons, and crossdressing just worked its way into the conversation. I don't remember exactly what he said, but I remember it put me at peace with that part of myself. I think it was partially telling an older man (whom one would fear the most ridicule from), and partially the way he responded that helped me come to terms with it.

[Sarah Doepner]

My therapist is a gay male with lots of experience in supporting the trans community. The therapist's gender is less of an issue than their training and experience dealing with the issues we bring to the session. He has been great for me and I've been seeing him off and on for over 3 years now with nothing but openness and honesty on both sides.

[suzanne]

My wife and I saw a male therapist for a short time, and it was to address the issue of my CDing, or more accurately, about our inability to have meaningful discussions around the issue. He was very professional, treating my dressing as neither a positive or negative. To him, it was no more than an issue within our marriage that made communication difficult between the two of us. He offered no opinions about whether I should or should not wear female clothing. He referred only to my "gender expression" in neutral terms in the same way one might refer to "right handedness" versus "left handedness"

BTW, I think he was straight because I seem to recall him mentioning his own wife and children.
True professionals in any discipline are able to leave their own personal feelings out of the conversation.

[Star01]

If a vote was taken as to who would benefit the most from therapy based on past trauma I'd probably be in the running. I grew up in the 50's and 60's when therapy was looked on with suspicion and ended up losing mother, step mother, newborn half brother and father in an approximately four year span starting in 1962. I married young (just a few years after the aforementioned trauma) and did see my wife's therapist one time in the 80's then got talked into seeing one briefly myself. At that time the sessions did not touch on crossdressing and I didn't like him so I stopped going before gaining any momentum. My gut feeling must have been right because I thought he was creepy and a few years later his name popped up on the news due to accusations of taking advantage of female patients.

Crossdressing aside I feel like I have picked myself up by the boot straps after trauma in what many considered impossible circumstances as a teenager, raised a family and sucked it up and dealt with whatever came. Not saying that is right or wrong but that is the typical way that my farm family immigrant roots dictated I should handle things. I'm sure many of you were there back in the day and know the stigma with therapy back then and understand how someone with that kind of upbringing might opt to tough it out.

Consequently, now I could probably be classified as a mental basket case reclusive retired unfulfilled crossdresser that probably could use a few sessions but I'm not sure how or if my medicare supplemental allows it. That is something I need to take a look at because even my wife has suggested that therapy might help resolve the underlying angst I have 24/7. I'm sure that this life long tangled web is what is causing the angst.

[JeanTG]

For my gender issues I have a female therapist, but when it came time to consider HRT she referred me to a male therapist better attuned to WPATH standards to get my letter, which he provided after only one session, since I had been regularly followed for over a year already. I am still waiting on the HRT... damned socialized medicine, it has its advantages, but since it's non-urgent I'm on a waiting list to see an endo. I might have to go private if I'm not seen soon.

The male therapist was fine, BTW.

[FrannGurl]

Several years ago I had a female therapist. After a few sessions I found her very easy to talk to. I think I would feel uneasy with a male therapist

[Alice Torn]

I would really need to get to know a male therapist, before I could feel safe, or at ease enough to tell one about my dressing thing/