Being Irrational?

[April Rose]

I have stated before, in other posts, that I am in something of a caregiver role with my wife. her issues, which are ongoing and too complex to go into here, have left her incapable of doing a lot of things, to the point where she can't go out on her own, and I have to help her wash her hair, bathe, etc.

This has put me in the position of being the homemaker, in the traditional sense. The shopping, cooking, cleaning and laundry all fall to me. We are fortunate that this didn't happen until we'd both retired. It might have put us in a tough spot.

But now that it has happened, I have adjusted to it as a comfortable routine. I don't complain because I really don't feel put upon.

In fact, I have somewhat the opposite problem. because I am home every day taking care of things, I dress every day, sans wig or makeup. I have become comfortable with what might be considered a conventionally feminine lifestyle.

Therein lies the problem. The pleasure i take in being able to dress as a woman every day sometimes leaves me with a small but nagging feeling of guilt. It is a feeling that I am not doing enough to push her to recovery, because I am too content with being a housewife.

It is illogical, I know, but it is hard to shake.

During the rest of the time I'm pretty grateful that I get to lead as feminine a life as I do, despite limitations.

I'm not even sure why I'm posting this. Just venting, I guess. You folks always seem to be good at talking sense into other people; why not me?

[Tracii G]

No reason to feel guilty really.
What guilt are you feeling please expound on that a little it might help to get that off your chest.

[docrobbysherry]

April, I won't tell u not to feel guilty. But, I will say not 1 in a 100 would do what your doing without resentment!

U r a special person and your love and devotion r quite rare. In many ways u and your SO r quite lucky!:thumbsup:

[Stephanie47]

I went back and read your thread/post where your wife encouraged you to answer the doorbell dressed. I don't know what constitutes being "dressed," but, if your wife has encouraged you then the fact of being attired as a woman should not make feel guilty. If your wife is recovering from an illness or injury you should be shouldering as much of the family load as possible. However, you should be encouraging her to progress in her therapy. My wife had an operation this year and her physician told her not to pickup anything over twenty pounds for a year. Several years ago my wife had triple negative breast cancer with chemotherapy, surgery, and radiation. That sapped her strength. There's a world of difference in helping a person through a period of recovery and keeping them from progressing. Ask your wife and her physician what her limitations are. If her recovery routine calls for leaving your home, then make sure she gets out of the house.

I too would be content to be a homemaker. My wife always says she is not a "housewife" as she is NOT married to a house. En drab or when I am able to be en femme I do many of the domestic chores willingly. It would be a bonus if my wife told me to doll up a la June Cleaver, but, it shall not come to pass.

[Helen_Highwater]

April,

I can see why you might feel somewhat guilty. You're gaining from your SO's misfortunes but you need to remember those misfortunes are not of your making. If you will, it's the silver lining on an otherwise dark cloud.

Your SO appears more than comfortable with your dressing. It's possibly her way of saying thank you for all that you're doing for her.

Set your guilty feelings to one side. Embrace the good while dealing with the bad of the current situation.

You're doing a good job in a difficult situation. Feel pride in how you're coping.

[April Rose]

Thanks, everyone for your kind words and sensible advice.

Tracii, suffice to say that, between the two of us, my wife is definitely the more stubborn. Sometimes I get exhausted trying to push the medically approved regimen.

[Tracii G]

OK thanks for some clarification.
I think you are doing a wonderful job to help her in her situation.

[donnalee]

Whatever you need to do to cope with your situation, do that. I was a caregiver for the last 8 years of my SO's life and did so willingly, but it is indeed stressful and you need to pay attention to your own health, both mental and physical, as well.

[Jenny22]

You mentioned, "push her to recovery." Is her physical challenge something that she CAN recover from if you were more proactive? Or not. To make you feel more comfortable, put on some lipstick.

[Teresa]

April,
The important point is the dressing makes you feel happy and content , without the strees we can function much better . The role reversal isn't to every woman's taste , my wife didn't like it at first but she hated the domestic chores besides she was out working and earning a living , eventually she appreciated coming home to a meal on the table , a clean and tidy house and a lovely well tended garden . I'm so glad I wasn't dissuaded because now I live alone I can take good care of myself .

[Maid_Marion]

Hi April Rose,

I've had to do all that, and more.

Being caregiver is hard. You should do whatever is reasonable to relieve the stress. I think your wife agrees that dressing is a reasonable stress relief.

Marion

[alwayshave]

April, No reason t feel guilty. I wish I could dress everyday.

[CynthiaD]

You can always find something to feel guilty about if you try hard enough. Next time you feel the urge to feel guilty, do it up right. Really beat yourself up. But only for five minutes. Then say to yourself, “To heck with that!” And spend the rest of the day feeling pleased with yourself. Works for me. :)

[April Rose]

Both funny and wise, Cynthia! funny and wise:heehee: