Frustrating times.....

[Emma_Forbes]

Hi all,

Well it's obviously one of those days....or weeks....or months. Is life tough or what? Here I am, unemployed, stressed, tired, frustrated and subject to 'emotion pockets' (bit like air pockets but you don't have to be on a plane!).

I desperately need a girly 'fix' - a good quality dressing up time where I can push the boundaries. I need (safe) excitement and a sense of achievement. So I'm planning my first real trip out (accompanied) but have now discovered that I can't make the recommended dates until probably October - utterly demoralising. What am I to do in the meantime?

How can things go from so good to so bad so quickly? That's just how it feels. I'm so lucky. I 'm free of many hindrances to my crossdressing e.g., live alone, am not overly constrained by finance, but trapped by others e.g., shy, unable to pass. My mood goes up and down like a yoyo and I don't seem to be able to have a consistent approach to anything. I think I know what I want but my attempts to get it seem wholly frustrated. Aaarrgh! Or as Winnie the Pooh would say 'Bother'!

Any encouragements would be appreciated. I'd love to ignore any criticisms but probably wouldn't - not in my nature.

Emma

[Seven]

My sweet sister, you say the words (shy, unable to pass,) me also you are not the only one, we both have the same days. But the first thing is you are here, writing this message, and I care for you.

I love it when you find that small area, that you become free with true friends and all do not judge. Please write some more about your day, today
I am finding so much joy from reading all my sisters letters / posts it helps the long days that bit better.

I think your photo looks so nice, all my Love Sister 7 :gh:

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Emma

Don't you know, we all have those days, they do come and go, so don't let it get you down and such. Why don't you get all prettied up and go for a drive or something like that? Might do you good to get out of the house for awhile.

I used to be a poster child for shyness, there are worse things for sure, and what matters is that I can tell you're a sweet person. This means that you still are able to touch the lives of others, and that is good. When I came out I also opened up like a flower to the light of the sun, and I enjoy basking in the warmth.

And you know, it doesn't matter if you pass or not, passing is for fast cars. Our outside is merely a shell, it's the beauty we have within us that is important, and with such a pretty smile as yours, I'm sure this is what the world sees. Have a nice day and take care.

Karen

[Julie Avery]

Hiya Emma, I'm another one who's unable to pass, and shy in real space. Unemployment's always a lead weight on self-esteem too, isn't it? Your description of how you're feeling is very moving to me, and I just want to send you my affection in return. Please be well.

[sharifemme]

Sweet Sister Emma...

Yes, even Sharifemme has those days (weeks, months, and in the past, years!). This was especially true when I was so in the closet, I was the wooden molding on the back wall! What made it easier? I told my wife about me and I met others that were similar to me - a support group.

This group was about an hour and a half away from where I live and they encouraged me to come to meetings. When I got there the first time, I saw that only one or two of them could ever "Pass" as women. The group was in a small city in a county where gender identity and expression were protected by law. Since it was so far from my home, I had few worries about being spotted by someone I know.

The first meetings were so liberating! There is something about being with people who have similar situations that makes it easier to be who you are. After the meeting, several of the girls asked if we wanted to go out and get a bite to eat. With a little trepidation, we went with them. To our surprise, we were treated like ladies.

I have been out many times since in many parts of the state with others or alone and never had a bad experience. Just be as careful as a genetic woman would in where you go and what you do and you should be OK. And if somebody makes a comment, just remember that you are the one who is blessed with dual genders and that it is a true blessing at times. Those who would criticise are usually pretty narrow minded or insecure in who they are.

So get out in the world, sweetie! Go to a small city in a different area, step out of the car and be who you are! Act like you belong there, hold your head up high, smile and act like a lady and you will be treated like one in most places. If somebody treats you badly in a store or restaurant, don't go back there. It's their loss.

Yes, we all have those days! You are not alone here by any means.

Sharifemme



Hi all,

Well it's obviously one of those days....or weeks....or months. Is life tough or what? Here I am, unemployed, stressed, tired, frustrated and subject to 'emotion pockets' (bit like air pockets but you don't have to be on a plane!).

I desperately need a girly 'fix' - a good quality dressing up time where I can push the boundaries. I need (safe) excitement and a sense of achievement. So I'm planning my first real trip out (accompanied) but have now discovered that I can't make the recommended dates until probably October - utterly demoralising. What am I to do in the meantime?

How can things go from so good to so bad so quickly? That's just how it feels. I'm so lucky. I 'm free of many hindrances to my crossdressing e.g., live alone, am not overly constrained by finance, but trapped by others e.g., shy, unable to pass. My mood goes up and down like a yoyo and I don't seem to be able to have a consistent approach to anything. I think I know what I want but my attempts to get it seem wholly frustrated. Aaarrgh! Or as Winnie the Pooh would say 'Bother'!

Any encouragements would be appreciated. I'd love to ignore any criticisms but probably wouldn't - not in my nature.

Emma

[DonnaT]

Well Emma, if it gets unbearable, there's always Sparkle 2006 in June.

http://www.sparkle.org.uk/

[Emma_Forbes]

Thank you to those who read and those who replied.

I can get prettied up but can't go out. Have no shoes in which I can drive. Can barely walk in heels let alone drive. Nice thought though.

I'm not an extrovert person. I don't relate well to others, certainly not in groups. I can be alone in a crowded room - even with people I know. The courage it takes to do anything in a cd world is immense. I can feel the fear approaching a door behind which there is a cd group meeting - even now. The thought of going to a club is petrifying - the first ever fossilised crossdresser! You can imagine then what Sparkle 2006 does to me.

I wish I had a SO, GG or even friend to go with, meet with or even share with. I don't. I have very few friends as a guy - I have none as a girl.

The next step, whatever that may be, is so big I will never be able to do it on my own. So I am trapped by my own solitary existence, dressing by myself. In fact I feel as though I am as much in the closet now as I was when I was married. I guess being in the closet is as much a state of mind as a state of being.

If I drank, I'd get drunk - just for the couldn't care attitude it brings. But I don't, so I can't. Ho hum. Here's to another boring evening in front of the TV.

Em

[Petrina CD]

All I can say is join Tri-Ess. You can go in drab and then change into your fem self when you get there. Don't worry about passing as a women as few Tri-Esser's do.

We all have our up's and down's.
I'm unemployed as well but in my house money is a problem most of the time.( not enough) So consider yourself lucky in that respect!!!!!!

Petrina cd

P.S. I don't drink either.

[sharifemme]

Shari has a beer now and then - but only one!

Emma, I wish we lived closer. I am your friend even though we probably never will meet face to face. If I lived near you, I'd get you out the door and into life. Ive taken a few first timers out and had a great time! They really appreciated it too! It really is not as scary as you might think.

Sounds like you might have people issues in either of your modes. I can't help much there except to encourage you to make yourself do things involving other people. Nobody is going to fault you for trying.

Tri-Ess and all the other groups are excellent. You don't have to dress en femme at all if you don't want to. You don't even have to attend meetings unless you are ready. Most of the groups, you can dress there if you want to. It's all up to you. Whatever you are comfortable with. However if you can not even go out and meet maybe ten new people in male mode without feeling trapped, you are in trouble.

Isn't there someone in the group from Kent who could help this girl out?

Sharifemme

[Melissa_77]

I know what you mean hon. You are describing me aswell. I have a fear of going out as ME. Going out as 'dressed' is truely terrifying as you say. I get all dolled up, get to the door, then chicken out. I've managed to get out a couple of times, scary but a real thrill. The last time I was out I got a warning from the local Police.-B*****ds! I wasn't doing anything suspicious, I was dressed tastefully & just minding my own business. I joined this group meet people who understand & to discuss the problems we must face,& also the huge pleasures too! Also being a UK lass, I understand exactly where you are coming from, Emma. Perhaps us UK Girls from this site should meet up sometime? - Believe me you are not the only one who has this fear. The confident side of me says: I don't care what others think, this is me, this is who I am, don't like-TOUGH! I'm sick of society dictating what we should & shouldn't be. Be INDIVIDUAL & PROUD OF IT!-You look great girl!