Using the restroom while dressed.

[Kimberly A.]

Hey y'all. :-) I did read a thread regarding this issue, but I have a question..... In my situation, where I'm a M2F cross-dresser and as I said in my first post, I know that I look so masculine even dressed, I don't think that anyone would believe I was a woman. So, in a couple of weekends when I go home again, I plan to go out dressed and go out of town. Of course, I will most likely need to use the restroom. So, being a guy who looks as masculine as I do, what do I do when I need to use the restroom? Go into the ladies' room and hope no one notices? I could really use some advice on this. Thanks! :-)

[Majella St Gerard]

Tough call, without a photo, but I've seen some VERY masculine looking women. I'd say as long as you're presenting WELL, then go to the Ladies Room. Act like a Lady.

[Jodie_Lynn]

Use the restroom that matches your presentation.

Scary? damnbetcha! Scarier than using the men's room? Not so much.

Be aware of your surroundings, and when entering the loo, act like you belong. There is nothing creepier, and alarm-bell ringing, than someone acting like a thief, or worse, a guilty perv, when going into the Ladies room.

[Kimberly A.]

Majella, thanks! Actually, I do have a profile picture and I'm not sure why it doesn't show up on my posts like the rest of you..... Maybe it has something to do with me being so new to the forum, Idk. LOL However, I did post a picture of me in my very first post titled, "I'm new!" in the Members Introduction section so if you want to see that, it's there. LOL

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Jodie_Lynn, I totally understand that and thank you for your advice. Me, I am not a perv and I wouldn't enter the ladies' room just to be trying to catch of glimpse of something I ought not to be trying to look at. LOL..... Not that you're saying I am a perv. Anyway of course, it will take a LOT of courage for me to enter the ladies' room, unless I can find one that only has room for one person it and it locks from the inside, then that won't really be a big deal. LOL

[Jodie_Lynn]

LOL Kimberly, I'm glad you took my post the way it was intended! I was NOT implying you are a perv!!!

But at some point in your journeys, you are going to "really need to go!", and you are going to have to girl up, and do what needs to be done.

And trust me, it ain't all that big of a deal. Good luck hun!

[Kimberly A.]

LOL Oh absolutely, I took your reply the way it was intended. You're not wrong at all, when the time comes and I have to do my business, I'll have to put on my big girl panties and go! LOL And thanks again! :-) Also of course, I couldn't help but notice you used the term "loo" and that got me to wondering, are you originally from Australia?

[Tracii G]

Hunt for a single use or family friendly restroom. Problem solved.
If you have a beard well then use the mens restroom.
I usually go for the unisex restrooms because they are single use mostly.
Regular multi person restrooms have stalls and they are a bit on the tight side for me.
I really don't like those big double toilet paper thingys when the are so close to the toilet.
Really makes it difficult to maneuver.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I see your profile pic, and you look like a girl to me.

That being so, use the girls room, sit with feet forward, touch up makeup quickly. don't stare.

I always use the ladies room, but I'm 5'9", 150 lbs.

[Ressie]

Tracii beat me to it. You might have to make some phone calls to find out where unisex bathrooms are.

[JenniferMBlack]

I too am a fan of the family restroom. No chance of anyone flipping out. But if I look like a girl then I will go to the ladies room before the mens room. Once I was directed to the ladies room by a security guard, bit I am I'm Las Vegas.

[Rhonda Darling]

Kimberly:

Try the app “Refuge Restrooms” and see if it has anything to offer in your area.

Also, I too see your profile photo — on your profile page. You need to upload a separate avatar photo that will appear when you post messages.

I agree that unless you are sporting facial hair, use the restroom matching your presentation and own it. BUTT (pun intended), ALWAYS sit, don’t stand, feet facing stall door, and don’t “man-spread”

Enjoy your time out.

Rhonda

[docrobbysherry]

When in doubt? I ask someone who works there first!:thumbsup:

Of course, I live out west. So, I'm not real concerned about some nut case coming after me in either rest room!:eek:

[Aunt Kelly]

The unisex is always easier, but usually not an option in most venues, so...
If your presentation is age and venue appropriate, you are halfway there. "Don't act creepy" is technically correct and easy to say, but hard as hell to pull of the first time or two. Decorum is different in the ladies. A smile, with eye contact, goes a long way. Going with a friend who's been there before will help too, with both confidence and camouflage, if you will. Two ladies going in together is common, even two TG ladies is more normal than one.
Poise and confidence...

[Tracii G]

Aunt Kelly nailed it right there I agree completely.

[hosekid]

If you are like me, a M2F CD and identify as male, just a crossdressing male, you could use the men's room. I will use the womens room when I know that it is empty and I can go in and out quickly. I don't want to cause anyone to be uncomfortable in there. I will use the mens room whenever I damn well choose, because I am a man no matter how im dressed. If it makes the guys in there uncomfortable then oh well. If they decide to turn violent then I guess they are either gonna go to jail for beating up a crossdresser, or get their ass beat down, then go to jail for attempting to beat up a crossdresser. I will use the family restrooms too if there is one close by. A lot of people dont understand that it is none of their business what gender I am. They can assume all they want, but im not really under any obligation to prove it to anyone short of a spouse or doctor. But a random person on the street really has no need to know. It's funny that people have a big issue with CD's using the same bathroom as a woman/girl, but no one mentions pervs that like little boys having unfettered access to the mens room.

[Helen_Highwater]

Kimberly,

It is scary especially the first time so here's a suggestion. If you haven't already done so, go shopping enfemme and try something on in store obviously using the ladies changing room.

It seems universal theses days that changing rooms are a collection of individual cubicles. Gone is the day when things were more open plan or half lenght louvre doors. Again act with confidence, walk in and if there's an attendant simply ask to try this on please. You'll be shown to a cubicle, no issues.

Hopefully that will give you a bit more confidence.

As the others have said, walk in with confidence, pick a cubicle, and remember to sit. You're presenting as a female, emulate what females do.

One of the best things a newbie can do is observe. Watch how women behave. Mannerisms, walk, how they carry a handbag, getting these things right moves you to the point where it becomes less apparent that you're a male.

Remember, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it's a duck.

[Davina Katherine]

Hi Kimberly,

You don't say in your post if your going with someone. But if you could go out with a girlfriend, then she could stand guard for you. That's what my wife did on our first outing. It was reassuring to know she was there to "defend" me!

Jessie Mae :<3:

[Angela Marie]

I'm 5ft 6 about 135-140 and I pass reasonably well. I've never had a problem using the ladies room but I always keep my guard up. I have to laugh when I hear people talking about trans people using the women's restroom and all the supposedly nefarious things that they may do. I want to get in and out as fast as possible and i'm sure many of you feel the same way. The thought "what if I get made and someone complains" is always in the back of my mind.

[Teresa]

Kimberly,
If fully dressed with makeup and wig use the ladies , I no longer worry about it but at first tried to find a quite time , the point is if you can go straight into a cubicle that's fine after just wash your hands as normal , most women will probably ignore you .

I must admit sometime ago I was playing safe and waiting to use a disabled toilet during our Xmas party , one of the GGs grabbed me by my arm and dragged me into the ladies saying everyone thinks you're a woman for goodness sake come in and get on with it !!

[Kimberly A.]

There are so many of you who replied to my original post here, so I decided to make a reply to all instead of replying to each individually..... It's a lot faster. LOL
Anyway, thank you all SO much for all of the advice, I will listen and take into consideration every bit of it.
A couple of you though, brought up that if I have a beard, use the men's room..... Of course that's good advice, but I've always shaved clean, so having a beard is not an issue. LOL
Everyone here so far has been so nice and supportive..... This is what I needed and I very much appreciate all of you! :-)

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JessieMae, I won't be going with anyone, I will be alone.

[Joan58]

Never had a problem using the girls room,, even in full male mode at a convenience store where it seemed the occupant of the men's room was not coming out soon. I just asked the clerk if it was ok to use the lady's. She just replied of course it is, Honey.

[Cheryl T]

I always use the ladies room when I'm out and dressed.
As was said, just go in, answer natures call, wash your hands and leave. Don't linger and check your makeup and brush your hair and fuss (unless you are very passable). In and out and there should be no issue.
If you feel you don't present that well then you can always use the men's room and just have the men assume you are gay or something.

If available a Unisex restroom is the best option.

Personally I have never had a bad experience in the ladies room and actually have had a couple of refreshing encounters, but that's my experience. It took a bit to become relaxed using the restroom but now it's just as normal as any other time. Sometimes I have to catch myself as I gravitate to the ladies room and have to check my appearance.

[char GG]

Please make sure you are aware whether or not there is a line waiting for the ladies room. WAIT in the line. Don?t be oblivious and just walk up to a stall. I?ve watched a nasty reaction to a CDer cutting the line.

Men typically don?t have a line. But, often times in a busy venue, there is a line for the ladies.

Take care and have fun.

[Stephanie47]

Kimberly, you mentioned in your question that you are "going home." It has not been mentioned, but, where is home? There are different laws in different states concerning gender expression and gender identification. In Washington State the anti discrimination laws include gender expression which covers cross dressers. Of course, having the law on one's side does not offer protection from violence. Hate crime legislation comes into play after there was a hate crime. My local municipality has passed a local law which makes every single occupancy restroom gender neutral and signage is required to that effect. No more men's room or ladies' room. I would think if you are in an adult venue and presenting as a woman, then there should not be any dust ups when using the ladies' room. You're already visible to the community. Personally, I would not run into the public library which is loaded with young kids and use the restroom. That sort of venue may solicit some push back from parents.

[Micki_Finn]

A lot of it is going to come down to WHERE you’re going to be. Most places out here in CA, most people wouldn’t bat an eye at you using either restroom. In some of the more conservative areas of the country I know some people are still getting aggressively confronted about bathroom use. So basically use your best judgement, be aware of your surroundings and geography, and try to not sink too many liquids lol. I generally try to avoid using the restroom when I’m out dressed, but that’s because when you have to deal with tights, panties, 3 layers of hose, and pads, plus however I may be strapped in to my outerwear, using the restroom is quite an ordeal.

[Robertacd]

It's simple to me...

Presenting as a woman, use the ladies room.

Presenting as a man (or MIAD for those who do) use the men's room.

In all cases common sense applies for your own safety and respect for others.

[Kimberly A.]

Oh yes, I totally understand, Micki..... I'm from Mississippi and yeah, it's a more conservative state where LGBT or CDing isn't the most accepted thing in the world.
But DANG, THREE layers of hose?! I can stand MAYBE 2, but I only wear one pair at a time. LOL However, I'm sure that's comfortable for you, but doesn't really sound like it.
But yeah, most of the advice I've gotten in this thread is to use the restroom corresponding to the gender I am dressed as..... So, I'll either hopefully find a one-toilet ladies' room or a unisex restroom. LOL

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I totally agree, Roberta and thanks!

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Stephanie, first of all, my home is in the state of Mississippi..... I do not the laws concerning whether or not crossdressers are allowed to use the ladies' room. Secondly yeah, I agree I wouldn't go into a place like a library and use the ladies' room there. Or maybe not even McDonald's, but I plan on going to a mall and shopping around, then probably eating in the food court, not necessarily in that order, but you get my point. LOL

[Maid_Marion]

In Connecticut gender expression is a protected class under the sexual harassment laws. Retaliation is also another protected class.

[Aunt Kelly]

Let us keep in mind that using the restroom is not a crime. The things that the bathroom bill idiots would have their voters be afraid of are already crimes. No transgender person has been successfully prosecuted for such a crime, ever!

[Karmen]

I try not to use a bathroom when I go out dressed, but if I really have to pee, I always use ladies room. It's still better than going to a men's room dressed as a woman, even it's obvious in my case, that I'm a man with makeup, wearing women's clothes. I never had a bad experience using ladies room. I received a strange look or a heard a giggle sometimes, but nothing worse than that.

[CynthiaD]

In Texas, where I live, it is illegal for a man to enter the lady’s room without being invited. (Whatever that means.) Even though our recent “stupid law” was defeated, it was already illegal for a genetic male to enter the lady’s room. The “stupid law” was just political posturing.

In my area, there are a number of places with gender-neutral bathrooms. There are others with single-user bathrooms. There are other places where the lady’s room is multi-user, but usually deserted. When I need to use the lady’s room, I do the following in this order.

1. Go home.
2. Go to a gender neutral bathroom. (Including family restrooms.)
3. Go to a single user bathroom if there is no line.
4. Go to a deserted multi-user lady’s room.
5. Go to a non-deserted multi-user lady’s room. (In A Target store, if possible.)

In a multi-user facility, I do my business as quickly as possible, wash my hands with soap, and get out as quickly as possible. I don’t look at or interact with other people. The idea is to seem as non-threatening as possible.

I’ve never had a problem.

[Jodie_Lynn]

Once I was in a restaurant, with a male friend, and halfway through the meal, nature made herself imperative, so I asked the waitress where the restrooms were, and she said "The ladies room is right over there". And then told my companion that the men's rooms were "over there" and pointed to the other side of the restaurant. It made me feel very comfortable and at ease.

I may have related this before, if so, I apologize. Once, after exiting the stall, I went to wash my hands. There was a tiny older woman doing the same. I could see her, in the mirror, giving me the eye up and down, and I thought "uh oh, here it comes..."

Finally she looks at me and asks, "how tall are you?" I smiled and said 6 feet, the heels make me look taller."
She then sighed and said I wish I could have some of your height" with a smile.
I laughed and said "I'd gladly give it to you if I could!"

Another time, in a QuikChek restroom, at the sinks, another woman eyed me up and down, then asked "Where did you get those boots? I love them!" And we chatted about shoes for something like 15 minutes.

The best advice I can give, is to be confident, but cautious. I don't initiate conversations, but when approached, I always smile and respond.

So far ( knock wood ) I haven't had a negative encounter, but the possibility is always on my mind.

[Alice Torn]

close to 7 foot on heels here. i willnot use a multi use ladies room. A one use locking ladies room, i have used in guy mode, many times, when the need was too much to wait for the guy to leave the mens single use room/ I have not been out in public in over 2 yrs, and try to go do business before going out
.

[Micki_Finn]

Oh yes, I totally understand, Micki..... I'm from Mississippi and yeah, it's a more conservative state where LGBT or CDing isn't the most accepted thing in the world.
But DANG, THREE layers of hose?! I can stand MAYBE 2, but I only wear one pair at a time. LOL However, I'm sure that's comfortable for you, but doesn't really sound like it.

It’s not UNcomfotable, and on cold nights in a short skirt it’s a godsend. But yeah that’s the best way to smooth out homemade hip pads.

[Aunt Kelly]

We're not talking about "a man" using the ladies' room, but the only Texas law I know of prohibits going into the facility provided for the opposite gender "for the purpose of creating a disturbance". Judge Fry was pretty clear that "powdering one's nose" does not meet that definition during a presentation on such things to a Hoston Tri Ess chapter a few years ago.

[CynthiaD]

You might be right, Aunt Kelly.

I?m no expert, but my comments were based on an actual case 5 or10 years ago at the Austin public library, concerning a transsexual living as a woman during her life test. She was arrested merely for using the lady?s room, even though she had asked permission and had believed that permission had been granted. There may be a difference between publicly owned facilities and private. The whole case may have been thrown out. I don?t know. Better safe than sorry.

[Kimberly A.]

It’s not UNcomfotable, and on cold nights in a short skirt it’s a godsend. But yeah that’s the best way to smooth out homemade hip pads.

Oh yes, I can totally understand that, Micki..... I ordered some hip and thigh pads from Amazon, they come with an underwear thing with pockets, but I really don't want to use that. I'll have to experiment with that and see how it'll look.

[Davina Katherine]

I may have related this before, if so, I apologize. Once, after exiting the stall, I went to wash my hands. There was a tiny older woman doing the same. I could see her, in the mirror, giving me the eye up and down, and I thought "uh oh, here it comes..."

Finally she looks at me and asks, "how tall are you?" I smiled and said 6 feet, the heels make me look taller."
She then sighed and said I wish I could have some of your height" with a smile.
I laughed and said "I'd gladly give it to you if I could!"

Another time, in a QuikChek restroom, at the sinks, another woman eyed me up and down, then asked "Where did you get those boots? I love them!" And we chatted about shoes for something like 15 minutes.

The best advice I can give, is to be confident, but cautious. I don't initiate conversations, but when approached, I always smile and respond.

So far ( knock wood ) I haven't had a negative encounter, but the possibility is always on my mind.

Jodie Lynn, have you developed a more feminine voice? I have not, and fear speaking would do more harm than good.
That adds to my reluctance to using a multi-use restroom.

Jessie Mae

[Cheryl T]

I've always felt that I'd rather risk the ire of a woman in the ladies room than the wrath of a homophobe in the men's room.
Better to ask forgiveness than pay a hospital bill....lol

[AngelaYVR]

Here in Canada there is a federal law that states you can use the bathroom that is most suitable for you (or however it is worded). Even so, I must gird my loins when queuing in a busy ladies room! And weirdly, despite never being challenged myself, I have a female acquaintance who is also 6 feet tall and a little androgynous looking who has been told she is in the wrong bathroom. Generally though, just look like you are supposed to be there and it will be fine.

[Robertacd]

What do you even mean by "sitting on the toilet the way a woman would"???

What makes you think that a woman would sit any different than a man on a toilet?

My wife sits just like I do. Legs slightly spread and relaxed.

BTW. Woman are also LOUD when they pee. Why do you think little girls "tinkle"? I sometimes try to aim my stream so it hits the water when I am sitting, in an effort to sound like a GG, but it still doesn't sound the same.

[Kimberly A.]

Robertacd, when I said "sitting on the toilet the way a woman would", of course, I had never observed a woman on the toilet before..... Not even my ex-wife when I was married. So, that's why I Google'd pictures to see how women sit on the toilet so that way, if by some small possibility I have to go into a stall in the ladies' room and there are other women in there and the stall doesn't provide the most privacy in the world, (like you can see between the door of the stall and where the door closes), and a woman just happens to catch a glimpse of me, I could be prepared.

Also, I had no idea that when women pee it's loud...? Other than my mother, she lived with me in my house for a while, some years ago and the bathroom had thin walls and I could hear her. I thought, DANG, that sounds like a man peeing! LOL

But thank you for your advice, if women sit on the toilet in much the same manner as men do, then I have nothing to worry about. :-)

[Glenda58]

I've always used the ladies room in and out touch up makeup and gone. No problems

[Kimberly A.]

Glenda, that's cool and an encouragement, tbh. Lol Thanks :-)

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First of all everyone, thank you all SO much for answering my question! As I've said, I will listen to y'alls advice and take everything into consideration..... Now with that said, when I've needed to use the restroom at truck stops, I have been practicing sitting on the toilet the way a woman would. I also Google'd some images to see how women sit on the toilet. Now from all of the pics I've seen, women sit on the toilet, pretty much with their knees together and feet spread out, kinda looking like a triangle shape...... Best way I know how to describe it. So, that's how I've been practicing sitting on the toilet and needless to say, it was quite painful on my thighs. Is that how women normally sit on the toilet?

[Sissy_in_pink]

I use the disable toilet where possible and there is no one waiting for it or if there is none or a queue waiting for it I will use the Ladies as long as there is also no queue if so I go find one that is less popular. I've been to a few concerts and just have to wait in the queue and hope no one wants to strike up a conversation.

[Jodie_Lynn]

Jodie Lynn, have you developed a more feminine voice? I have not, and fear speaking would do more harm than good.
That adds to my reluctance to using a multi-use restroom.

Jessie Mae

I'm not sure if it is more feminine, but I do soften my tones and raise the octaves a bit. IDK how convincing it is, since judging one's own voice is so difficult.

In reality though, one shouldn't fear that it is one's voice that will give them away. From what I have seen, unless you are 20-something or younger, and blessed with a petite frame, you are going to be clocked.

Whether it is your height, or your broad shoulders, prominent Adams apple, your gait, or your nervousness, most people aren't fooled by our clever disguises. :)

That's why I am convinced that confidence is the key. Not confidence that you "pass", but confidence in your right to express yourself, and that you belong.

No matter where you are, restroom, restaurant, market, or mall; if you ACT like the dog that just stole the chicken dinner, you WILL be noticed.

IF, however, you act as if you belong, and don't do anything pervy or weird, you won't have any problems.

And, as an aside to another's comments: YES women can pee loudly. And pass gas, LOUDLY, when they are in the sacred Holy-of-Holies, the ladies room. :D

[Kimberly A.]

I'm not sure if it is more feminine, but I do soften my tones and raise the octaves a bit. IDK how convincing it is, since judging one's own voice is so difficult.

In reality though, one shouldn't fear that it is one's voice that will give them away. From what I have seen, unless you are 20-something or younger, and blessed with a petite frame, you are going to be clocked.

Whether it is your height, or your broad shoulders, prominent Adams apple, your gait, or your nervousness, most people aren't fooled by our clever disguises. :)

That's why I am convinced that confidence is the key. Not confidence that you "pass", but confidence in your right to express yourself, and that you belong.

No matter where you are, restroom, restaurant, market, or mall; if you ACT like the dog that just stole the chicken dinner, you WILL be noticed.

IF, however, you act as if you belong, and don't do anything pervy or weird, you won't have any problems.

And, as an aside to another's comments: YES women can pee loudly. And pass gas, LOUDLY, when they are in the sacred Holy-of-Holies, the ladies room. :D

Oh, I know women can pass gas loudly..... I was married for 10 years! ROFL